Chapter 6: Restart at Checkpoint
John Watson was generally a happy boy. He was usually the cheerful jokester in a group; his talent for wit and playful sarcasm often making everyone in the vicinity laugh and snigger. He was the level-headed boy who would perk up an otherwise sombre encounter, or the one who would chastise an overly exuberant friend with a none-too-gentle (though humorous to the observer) cuff at the back of the head. On most days, he was the easy-going, nice, smiling friend you’d like to chat with at random. Today was not like most days. In fact, the past few days weren’t like most days either. Though, to be fair, on most days, John didn’t have the threat of a forced eviction and blackmail hanging around his neck.
It had been a few days since his terse exchange with William and the young boy was in a visibly distressed state. To the common observer, he was often pale these days, and was as cheerful as a rock buried under six feet of snow on the driveway of some poor chap who seems to have forgotten how to use a shovel. John passed off his lack of general enthusiasm to some vague sickness, resembling something like flu or a cold or a cold flu according to his descriptions. Whatever the case, the general consensus was that he was ill to some degree and had a valid excuse to not act like his usual bouncy self. Even then, he still managed a strained smile whenever he waived off a friend who stopped to ask him if he was fine.
William James knew better, or at least, he wished he did. Up until now he still didn’t have the faintest idea why in the world John acted like someone just murdered his prized pet baby panda (if he had one). Sure, the last time they had a serious talk, John intimated that he would like to find PBear and shove him down a cliff, but William knew there was something else going on with his best friend. In fact, he couldn’t help feeling that PBear wasn’t John’s issue at all. PBear just seemed like a convenient reason for John to get angry at him. No, there was another issue that seemed to plague his best friend so much that PBear never even figured in any of their subsequent discussions…if the frosty one liners John said to him could be considered discussions.
For the past few days John had been trying his best to be remarkably neutral towards William. It was incredibly vexing for the older boy since they were supposed to be best friends. All things considering, John seemed to be handling his misery quite well. He still seemed normal in class, he still answered whenever the teacher called him to recite, he still worked in groups without any fuss, he still talked to people and still seemed able to smile…in fact aside from his apparent decrease in overall cheerfulness, there seemed to be hardly anything observably wrong with him, except how he treated William. The most that can be said was that John still interacted with William. He still answered William whenever he was asked anything, he still worked fine with William when it came to pair seatmate works, and whenever he was in their group of friends that included William, he still laughed and reacted as if William was indeed there.
No, the problem wasn’t that John stopped talking to William, the problem was that John didn’t talk to him enough. The younger boy’s usual warmth had just up and vanished when it came to talking or just about anything they had to do together. He didn’t ask William to hang out anymore. He didn’t laugh spontaneously, he laughed only when it seemed like he was expected to, like if someone cracked a joke, and it sounded contrived to William. John always kept his replies short and didn’t talk to him any more than seemed necessary. Whenever William brought up topics like PBear or why John was acting strange, the younger boy either shrugged or dismissed it with a nonchalant “I dunno”. When William brought up the topic of them doing sexual activities together, John always seemed to grimace while hurriedly dismissing it in the same manner.
What bothered William most were the tiny inconsistencies in John’s behaviour. Even as John seemed resolute to keep interaction with him minimal, there were times when the younger boy would instinctively look to him as if about to converse then dropping it suddenly. There were also times when he’d see John looking sadly in his general direction from the corner of his eye. It gave William the impression that John, for all his attempts to act like he wanted to stay away from William, was still suffering from some internal conflict that prevented him from acting all the way. And since William couldn’t do much to make John talk, he had no choice but to temporarily accept this new kind of John who seemed nothing like the best friend he knew. In any case, it seemed to William that John was handling his problems well enough that he didn’t spiral down into an “angry jerk” state like William did a couple of weeks ago. He supposed he could trust John to hold his own in the meantime while he wracked his brains trying to figure out what went wrong.
William was sure that deep inside John, there still resided his best friend. And though he didn’t know what happened, William still refused to give up on the boy he cared for most in his life.
************
“What is it with you two? Did you fight or something? You guys are like a couple who just had a falling out!” asked a slightly irate Carl Rogers as he ate lunch with John that day. William wasn’t with them; it had been a recent habit of John to only eat lunch when he was sure he wouldn’t be able to see William at the same time.
“Knock it off, Carl. Everything’s fine. I just feel a little under the weather, that’s all…” John replied wearily. Despite his tone, he was grateful for Carl’s company.
“Don’t give me that! It’s obvious to someone like me that something else is going on. Dude, besides, the only kind of sickness I know that involves two people growing distant is a sickness of the heart!”
“Dude, stop teasing! We’re not like that! Why are YOU the one getting pissed off anyway?” John said after swallowing a wad of spaghetti.
“I’m annoyed because a few weeks ago, Will had HIS drama now YOU’RE having your own drama and it’s just really frustrating because both of you are acting like drama queens and the fallout is that everyone around you feels down by extension!”
“Screw you, Carl. And what do you mean by extension?”
“When it was Will, he wanted to pick a fight with everybody and acted like a total douche and that got him his fight with Jim. Now with you, your attitude is making me sick and if you haven’t noticed it’s driving Will up a wall and you won’t even talk about it!”
“Dude, I just said I’m sick. Don’t you believe me?” John retorted.
“Yeah, it’s been snowing a lot recently, but no. You know I know better than that. “Carl said calmly.
“Why do you care so much? And how do you know what I have or haven’t told Will?” John replied suspiciously.
“Because I’m all for objectivity. Before I talked to you, I talked to Will first and asked his side. Now I’m doing the same with you. And before you ask, no, he didn’t put me up to this. I care because I’m your friend and out of all us friends I’m probably the only one who notices when best friends are having a go at each other even when it’s not obvious.” Carl said with deep concern.
John sighed in resignation. It didn’t seem like Carl was going to let him off the hook, so he composed himself for a moment and carefully thought about what he would say next. “Okay, fine. Let’s just say that Will and I got in a spot of trouble. He was acting like it wasn’t all that bad even though I thought it was. Now…well, my parents found out about it and my dad told me to stay away from Will or…I’ll be forced to live with my relatives and transfer…”
“Damn…you’re dad’s harsh. What did you guys do anyway? Accidentally kill someone?” Carl said in jest.
“What?! No! What the heck, Carl?! Look, I can’t say what it is.”
“Okay, fine. I’ll give you that. So tell me why you don’t just tell William all this instead of acting like the two of you broke up?”
“I don’t know, okay?” John said irritably. He was noticeably getting flustered. “I just don’t know what to do anymore. Besides…” John stared at his plate morosely, “My dad’s gonna tell on us to Will’s parents too. He told me so. Will’s gonna find out eventually. Then we’ll both get in trouble and…I just don’t know anymore.”
“Christ, does it suck to be you right now…” Carl said as he shook his head. “Dude, as far as I see it, you’re confused and still out of it so much that you’re not thinking straight. What did your dad do, whip your ass well as your head? Dude, there’s absolutely nothing stopping you from telling Will all this and, I dunno, talk to him about it! I don’t even understand why you’re giving him the cold shoulder! You don’t have any reason to! And if you tell me it’s cuz your dad told you so, then shut it because at the very least you could’ve told William that and not just be a douchebag to him all of a sudden.” Carl said angrily.
John just blinked a few times after hearing what Carl said. “Great. Now I already feel like a jerk. Putting it that way, I can’t talk to Will even more, knowing what I put him through…I’d just feel too guilty.” he said as he stared miserably at his plate.
“Dude, knock it off! At this rate both of you won’t ever talk to each other again! John, just suck up all the bad feelings, all that guilt, fear and whatever crap you have. Just swallow it all for a second and just go talk to Will! I don’t want to tell you what to do, John, but you have to at least tell William what’s up. You owe him that much. “ said Carl solemnly.
“I…well, I guess so. But…I still don’t understand why you care so much, dude.”
“You have a lot of things to be thankful for, John. Having a friend like Will, being with him the way you are…all the things you can do and share together…you have a lot going for you. For the sake of people who only wish they could be like you, don’t screw it all up just because you don’t know what to do.”
Again, Carl had just rendered John speechless. He was surprised that Carl could ever be this deep. He wondered, as they both ate in silence, if Carl wasn’t in part, expressing something that came from his experience.
****
William was still not used to walking the school halls alone after school. Usually, John was with him chatting and laughing away, venting out extreme dislike for whatever the day’s homework was. Today, as was in the previous days though, William walked by himself, with the cacophony of noisy students ironically seeming like a strange silence in the absence of his usually bubbly best friend.
He was just about to go through the main exit when he bumped into Carl Rogers, who seemed to be going the opposite direction back inside.
“Oh, hey dude, aren’t you going home?” William called out.
“Yo! Well, I’m not going home just yet. Hey, let’s go sit somewhere.” Carl said as he led William to a nearby bench.
“Math was killer today. Ironic that simplifying equations is anything but simple, eh?” Carl started.
“Yeah. I’m almost sure we’re not even supposed to learn all that till 8th grade or something. Anyway, what else do you have to do here?” William asked.
“Nothing much, well I have to wait for Jim. He got his stupid ass in detention for being late again, it’s the third time this week! It’s funny; he could be our batch’s valedictorian and he still gets himself into trouble like this.”
“Oh.” for some reason, William felt nervous whenever Carl mentioned Johnson Masters. He still had this sneaking suspicion that Carl knows a lot more about his interactions with the other boy than he’s supposed to. “Well, why do you have to wait for him? That’ll be an hour at least.”
“We planned to study at his place today for that science quiz tomorrow.”
“Dude, who studies for a quiz? It’s just a quiz!” William said, genuinely surprised.
“Well, I do! What if I just really care about my grades, eh? Oh don’t look at me like that, I have my reasons.” Carl replied with a laugh after seeing William’s questioning look.
“I did notice that Jim’s getting his name on the tardy list a bit too often. Any idea why?” William asked offhandedly.
“I dunno. Bastard won’t talk about it. He keeps dodging me whenever I ask something he doesn’t seem to like.”
“Yeah, I know that feel, bro.” William nodded solemnly.
“Yeah. In fact, you tell me. A few weeks back you also came in late a lot…mind telling me why?”
“Yes.” William said firmly as he fiddled with the strings in his jacket.
“Fine. You still haven’t talked to Jim like I asked, have you?”
“Well…I’m still working on planning it! It’s not easy, you know! I mean, I DID sort of flatten his nose.”
“Indeed you did. Still, talk to him, okay? It sucks when friends don’t tell you what’s wrong with them then they act like asses because of it.”
“Yeah…”
“I talked to John by the way.” Carl said in what William thought was a really convincing attempt at being casual. It seemed like this was the real reason Carl wanted to talk to him. William suddenly realized that Carl’s previous comments seemed to have been leading up to this topic.
“I hope you’re not going to say anything like ‘I don’t want to talk about him because I hate him’ or some crap like that.” Carl continued.
“Dude, why would I say that? John’s my best friend! I’d never hate him! Even if he IS being a dick to me lately…” William replied.
“Good. Just checking, dude.” Carl said as he smiled.
“So…did he say anything? Like, what happened and stuff?” William asked sheepishly.
“Let’s see, when you and I talked yesterday, you basically told me he just started acting weird for no reason, right? I know it’s already painfully obvious, but there’s a reason, and John told me so.”
“Okay. And…?”
“Well…let’s put it this way. Whatever he needs to tell you, he’ll tell you in his own time. Which means—“ Carl raised his voice slightly since William looked like he was going to interrupt, “—he has to tell you personally. What he told me is just between us until he tells you as well.”
“Okay, fine, I guess that makes sense. So what CAN you tell me?” William prodded a bit more impatiently.
“Look, to be honest, John didn’t really tell me much. I still don’t know the whole story. But I know you’ve noticed that whatever happened to him is messing with his brain a lot. The best words I can use are, he’s confused and doesn’t know what to do.”
“I don’t think I follow…”
“I don’t know how else to explain it. He doesn’t know what to do with his situation right now and I reckon that’s partly why he’s being depressed and all that. And you know, I don’t think any of it is because of anything you’ve done.” Carl said.
William took a while to understand Carl’s words. It was true that whenever he tried to fathom John’s irregular behaviour, there was always a certain something he could spot. He didn’t know what that something was but he always seemed to spot it. Because of Carl’s observations, now he thought what that something was: hesitation, uncertainty and doubt. William had also been feeling somewhat guilty because he felt like he did something that contributed to John’s problems…though after thinking about how he’d sometimes catch John looking like he wanted to talk like they used to, William was now coming to a conclusion. Even through all his apparent cold demeanour, John seemed like he wanted to talk to William, but for some reason he couldn’t. If anything, that proved that John didn’t look like he blamed William for anything.
“I think now you sort of understand what I mean.” Carl continued after watching William’s face contort into a look of stark realization.
“Yeah, I think I do. “
“Good. There’s something else, too.” Carl’s voice seemed to go lower as he adopted a tone of utmost seriousness. “I said that John doesn’t know what to do, right? Well, I reckon he’s just about given up.”
“Given up?! What do you mean?” William said in a rather panicky voice.
“Chill, I didn’t mean anything drastic. I just meant that he’s just about given up trying to solve whatever the problem is. It looks like he’s trying to get himself to just accept things already even if he doesn’t like it. I reckon that’s the second reason for his depression.”
“Dude! That still sounds bad! He shouldn’t give up! How can I help him?!”
“Calm down, damnit! I don’t know, okay? Why don’t you go ask him yourself?”
“I would if he just let me.”
“Fair point.” Carl conceded. “Well, I don’t really know how I can help but…what I really wanted to tell you is, well, don’t give up on him.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, even if he gets worse, don’t stop trying to help him, don’t stop being his best friend. Don’t leave him hanging. He needs you more than ever right now.”
“He needs me? I know what you mean, but I hardly think he’d actually want me near him right now…” William said.
“I know that. But look at it this way. I’m certain that if you just go and leave him outright, stop talking and avoid him as much as he is you, he’ll get much, much worse. So, don’t leave him. Keep trying to help him even if you don’t know how. Keep being his friend even though he’d rather you didn’t, okay?”
“Geez, you sound like a mom. Carl, you don’t have to tell me that, I’m already doing it.” William said with confidence.
“I’m glad to hear that. I was just making sure.” Carl said as he smiled.
“Why do you care so much though? I mean, sure we’re all buds, but you’re the only one who’s ever actually paid that much attention to our thing.” William asked.
Carl stood up from his seat and answered as he turned to leave. “Well, I’m just passing along friendly advice. Besides, I wouldn’t be doing things like waiting for Jim if I didn’t care so much.” he said with a roguish wink, leaving William to ponder the meaning of what he just said.
****
Dinner at the Watsons’ house was usually a lively affair. Connor, Sharon and John would tell each other about their respective days and there was much chatter and laughter. Ever since John’s change in behaviour though, things at the dinner table, expectedly, changed as well.
Just as in previous days, John would silently eat his supper, not making eye contact with his parents and especially not with his father. He would answer as little as possible when he was asked, with most of his replies being “yes” or “no”. Connor and Sharon would still talk about their day, but with John casting a palpable gloom, their conversations seem to be short-lived and trailed off into awkward silences disturbed only by the clatter of cutlery and plates.
That day’s dinner was equally awkward, with Connor’s talk of a stressful joint company project and Sharon’s story of a missed real-estate quota doing nothing to break the atmosphere. John murmured something about homework and excused himself to go to his bedroom, altogether not noticing his mother looking daggers at her husband.
John had just finished reading, or rather, trying to read his history book and left it open on his desk. His mind was elsewhere, with his feelings and ideas about his earlier conversation with Carl randomly swirling inside his head. He lay down on the bed and put his stuffed toy frog, Fabio, on his face as he willed his thoughts to form something coherent.
A sudden knock on his door surprised him as he jerked upright and sent Fabio flying. For a second, he feared that it was his father, but relaxed when he opened the door and saw that it was actually his mother. He still kept his guard up though, since he had come to associate a parent coming into their children’s room at night to be a bad omen ever since his father did it to him.
“Mom, what is it?” John only opened the door enough that he could stick his head out to see who it was, giving off the general impression that he didn’t want anyone to enter.
“John, can I come in? I just wanted to see how you’re doing.” she said.
“I’m…like always, mom.” John said as both he and his mother sat on his bed.
“You know, that’s what I like about you. You don’t lie; whenever you don’t want to answer a question, you change topic or use euphemisms.”
“Euphe-what?”
“It means you use other, milder words to mean the same thing, so that they have less impact. Like what you said now, you didn’t say you were fine, because you’re not, you said you’re like always, which could also mean how you’ve always been these past few days. Since it could mean that, you’re not technically lying.”
“Oh. Well, it’s not like I try. I always just talk like that.”
“I know, son. Since I’m your mom, I notice even these little things about you. And even if you did lie that you were fine, I’d still notice that you’ve been down for the past few days.”
“Yeah, I’m down.” John admitted with a sigh.
“John, I’m worried about you. Your usual self was so much happier than this. To see you so out of character is quite distressing. It makes me think something horrible happened to you.”
“Well…it’s…nothing you have to worry about, mom. I’ll get over it eventually. You don’t need to worry about me.”
“Telling me not to worry is like telling me not to be your mom.” Sharon said with a gentle smile. “Since you won’t start, I think I should. This has something to do with the talk you and your father had, doesn’t it?”
John looked mortified. Then again, he supposed he shouldn’t be surprised; his dad might have told his mom anyway.
“Yes… Dad told you everything?” said John, prepared for the worst.
“Actually, the only thing he told me was that ‘he took care of your little problem’. Though after seeing what happened to you, I’m inclined to think he just made it worse. Dear, tell me what your father told you.”
With a sigh of resignation John said, “Mom, what’s the point? You already know anyway. You know that Will and I…we… we…”
“Yes, I do. You don’t have to say it if it’s still hard for you to admit. But what did your father say about it, John?”
“He said that if I hang out with Will again, he’ll have me move to Aunt May’s so that I won’t see Will again…” John’s tears silently fell.
“He said that?!” Sharon gasped in surprise.
“He also said that Will can’t come over again and that he’d tell Will’s parents to make him stay away from me…”
“Well, how did William react?”
“He didn’t act different. Maybe his dad didn’t talk to him yet…”
“I see…” Sharon said with her brows furrowed. It was obvious from her look that she was deeply disturbed by how Conner handled what should have been a small issue. “John, I want to be honest with you, dear. I was the one who overheard you and William talking about, well, what you boys did during that time he slept over here. And, well, I told your father because I thought it was a sign he needed to talk to you about…those things you should know as you grow up. So, in a sense…I’m to blame for all this. I’m sorry, baby.”
“Mom, please don’t call me that. And don’t blame yourself for anything. You’re just doing your job…and dad’s just doing his…” John said in a deadpan tone.
“John, I hardly think we’re doing our jobs properly if it makes you so depressed. Tell me, what do you do at school? Doesn’t anyone else notice? What do you do when you see William?”
“I just try to act normal…I tell people I’m sick so they won’t bug me about it. And…mom…” John broke off and clenched his fist as if remembering a bad memory. “I don’t talk to Will anymore. I mean, I talk to him, but not like before…when we could be like friends. I’m doing what dad said because I don’t want to go away…but I hate it, mom! I want to talk to Will so bad but then dad…! I just…” John stopped talking and let his tears flow.
“John…” Sharon put her arm around her son and let him cry on her shoulder.
“Mom, is it wrong for me to be friends with William?” John said through his sobs.
“Well…John, no of course not…” Sharon muttered more to herself than to John. She was looking at the floor, and every so often looked at her son’s head crying on her shoulder. She seemed as if she was contemplating something of great importance within her. Her look resembled that of one forced to make decisions; and if her eyes were anything to go by, her choices seemed to be either on the floor or on John’s head.
“Dad said he didn’t want me to be gay. That it was wrong and that it wasn’t proper. But…mom, I think I am…Will’s been with me for so long and I just can’t stand not being with him still. If being gay means I want to be with him all the time then I think I really am. He’s the only friend I’ve had that I’ve liked this much…I’m sorry, mom! I’m sorry I’m gay! I’ll try to change! I promi-“ John was crying harder as he said those words, but he was stilled by his mom’s interruption.
“John, that’s enough. Don’t apologize for who you are.” Sharon said emphatically. John was stunned by his mom’s outburst; to him it seemed rather off-topic.
“Mom…what…?”
“You know, your father and I tried many times to have a child, but the doctor said that it was almost impossible for us. And then you came along. John, you don’t know how happy you made me and your father. You’re our only son and we will love you no matter what! Remember that! I don’t care even if you are gay…that won’t stop me from loving my one and only baby.” Sharon said while wiping her moist eyes with her sleeve.
“Mom…you don’t care? Honest? But dad said…” John said softly.
“Whatever your father said, John, it’s still a parent’s duty to unconditionally love their child. And we love you not because it’s just our duty either. We love you because you’re our son, John Watson.” Sharon said as she hugged John tight.
“Mom, is it really alright if I’m gay? I mean, do YOU want me to be gay?”
“The only thing I would ever want for you is to be happy.” Sharon said with a gentle smile.
“What about dad? He still thinks that it’s bad if I’m gay…” John asked with a worried tone.
“John, your father loves you just as much as I do. But I guess men have a different way of showing it. Your dad’s not the type who enjoys heart to heart talks much.” Sharon smiled wistfully. “He only said what he did because he was worried that you’d have a hard life if you were gay. But he didn’t have to be harsh on you like that. That was wrong of him. And even if you do have a hard time growing up, I don’t care, baby. I’ll help you every single step of the way. “
“Mom…I …I can’t thank you enough…I love you, mom.” John said with the first sincere smile he had for a week.
“You don’t have to thank me for something I’ll never stop doing.” Sharon said with a smile as she patted John’s back. “But John, listen carefully. Your father may not see things my way yet. He’s a stubborn man. For now, don’t invite William over the house until this all settles down. You can talk to him, okay? Don’t shut him out. He’s your best friend after all; he probably knows you better than your father and I do.”
John couldn’t manage anything in reply, aside from a tearful smile.
“I don’t want to see you like this, okay, baby? I’ll try to talk to your father about this. I don’t know if I can change his mind, but you can always count on me to be here for you, okay, John?”
Both mother and son hugged each other once more. John’s eyes were still moist, but he had already reached a sense of calmness within him as his mother held him tight, whispering words of profound care and comfort.
A few minutes later, John was again alone in his room, his mother having left with a goodnight kiss. As he lay on his bed, still awake and emotionally exhausted, his thoughts drifted to William. Just like what Carl said, his cold demeanour must have been painful for his best friend. And yet, William kept coming on to him, refusing to give up on their friendship even after all the confusion and hurt he put him through. William still wanted to be with him It made John immensely grateful that he had William as a friend. He promised himself that tomorrow he would let William feel exactly how grateful he was. It was that last thought that filled his mind as he drifted off to a pleasurable slumber.
****
“Is it just me, or you don’t seem to want to be around me lately?” said the message from the blue Mind Sculptor Planeswalker. Both he and the Aggro Knight Pirate beside him were currently fighting together in Wardencliffe Tower, a dungeon in Dragon Sorcerer Kingdom Wars reserved for higher levelled players.
“What made you think that?” replied the Aggro Knight Pirate as he used his skill, “Aquila Cannon” on an enemy Edizombie.
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s just the way you sound like you absolutely want to get away from me every time we do quests together, how you talk as if a fly got in your eye and how you’re not particularly motivated when we play.” said the Planeswalker, finishing off the Edizombie with his skill “Library Exiler”.
“You’re just imagining things.” said the Aggro Knight Pirate as he went on ahead without waiting for the Planeswalker to finish carving loot from the Edizombie.
“William, look. Let’s talk for real alright? You’re upset with me aren’t you?” typed PBear as his Planeswalker went up to William’s Aggro Knight Pirate.
“You think? I don’t want to play anymore. I’m logging out.” William replied.
“Let’s just talk on Skype.” PBear typed.
“I don’t want to.”
“William, it’s a bad thing to be a jerk to other people, especially to me, remember?” typed PBear. Of course, William couldn’t hear PBear himself since he was reading chat messages, but he could just imagine the malicious leer PBear must have had as he subtly reminded him of the fact that he possessed naked videos of him.
“Fine.”
A moment later, William was online with PBear. As was their usual routine, William had his webcam on, while PBear only had a picture; this time, it was a brown grizzly bear wearing a speedo. William was annoyed with the picture not only for its silliness, but also for its failed attempt to seem cute.
“William, what’s wrong with you anyway? You’ve been a dick to me lately.” typed PBear.
“I dunno, it must have something to do with you having a video of me and my best mate sucking each other’s dicks or something like that.” William replied, his intended sarcasm etched on his scowling face.
“Hey, I kept my word, this won’t get out. Don’t you trust me?”
“It’s kinda hard to trust someone whose name and face I don’t know.”
“True. But we’ve played together some, yeah? We’re sort of friends. I mean, we chat a lot.”
“I chat with you cuz I’m forced, and no dude, I have to say, you’re not my friend. In fact, because of you, my real friend is pissed off with me and treats me like last week’s leftovers.” typed William, altogether dropping any pretence of civility.
“You mean John?”
“Yes! Because of you, he thinks I don’t care about being blackmailed and he’s being a real dick to me cuz he thinks I wanted it, that I’m cool with it and it’s all your fault!” William typed quickly and forcefully, with the clacking sound of his typing being much louder than usual, at least as much as his Skype could detect.
“Whoa, slow down. So you’re saying–” PBear was doing his best to keep up with William’s fast typing, but the young boy outpaced him and interrupted before he could type the next part of his message.
“You don’t know how crappy it is having my best mate act like I’m barely there. The video is giving him a reason to hate me! I know he has other problems, and it would’ve been way easier if he would actually talk to me, but he won’t cuz he’s mad at me cuz of you!”
William stopped typing for a minute and took a moment to regain composure. At that moment of silence, PBear would have seen him staring intently at his keyboard, possibly due to amazement that his breathing actually became irregular. PBear let William have his moment before typing a reply.
“I’m sorry.” was the only thing the next message from PBear contained.
The camera saw William looking intently at the short message, with his incredulity obvious in his expression. “Sorry for what?” William replied.
“I’m sorry that what I did messed things up with you and John.”
“As if you actually care?”
“William, I admit I wanted the two of you to be horny and do each other because I thought it was hot. But I was serious when I said that I also wanted the two of you to get closer because of it. Why? Because it would be hotter if you two became a couple and better for the both of you if you guys did hook up together. I never imagined that it would actually split you up and that’s the exact opposite of what I wanted. I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
“That’s rich. Like I’d believe you actually gave a rat’s ass to the two of us. You just wanted to jerk off to us like some porn movie! Oh and let’s not forget, you actually did make a movie out of us and you’re using it to scare us to do what you want!” William typed in reply, his face retaining an increasingly sour look.
“It’s true I used the prospect of that video going public to force you to do things to each other, but I was bluffing. I just wanted to help you guys overcome your shyness and just get together already.” PBear typed, the tone of his replies seeming more and more defensive.
“So you’re some sicko matchmaker and I’m supposed to thank you, is that it? Am I supposed to believe that you were doing it for our sake? You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re just a sick pervert.” William’s face showed a grimace as he finished his message.
“Look, I admit I was doing it because I found the two of you hot. But then I also saw that it could do both of you good. I’ve seen the two of you already…you’re perfect for each other.”
“What the heck does that mean?”
“You love John. And I’m certain he loves you too.”
“Well, as friends yeah….”
“No not just that. You know what I mean. Both of you really love each other. I just tried to prod you boys in the right direction and give you a chance at it”.
“Maybe in your sick fantasies you see us having sex like lovey-dovey boyfriends, but we aren’t like that at all!” William typed forcefully. He was about write another angry reply when a quick message from PBear stopped him.
“Shut up and listen.” PBear’s message read. William allowed the stranger to type out another message, resisting the urge to counter. “Look in the cam and tell me with a straight face that ever since that day you both sucked each other, you didn’t ever try to do anything sexual with him.”
William instinctively looked down. He couldn’t look at the cam because he knew that his eyes would give him away. PBear was right in that he and John did do some more sexual activities by themselves afterwards, but he didn’t dare let PBear confirm that assumption. William was subtly reminded of a sermon he once heard in church, something that went like, “He who has not sinned may cast the first stone…”
“Both of you loved each other. I’m not asking you to agree. I’m just spelling out for you what you don’t want to admit.” PBear typed after a few seconds.
“We’re just best friends. That’s all.” William’s reply read. In retrospect, William thought it was a rather weak reply that seemed to admit defeat.
“I know the look best friends give each other. And I also know the look you give to someone who’s more than just your best friend. You’re only kidding yourself.”
“If you care so much about us then, then why the hell would you record us anyway, eh? Only sick perverts do that!” replied William, still trying to be defiant.
“Imagine this: John is your best friend, but you’ve been together for so long and you’ve done so many things for each other that you grew to love him. Your fondest dream would be to show him just how thankful you are to have him in your life and make him as happy as possible, possibly through doing sexual things. But you never get to, even after a lot of years pass. Then you see two other boys who are living your dream, right in front of you. That’s how I feel, William.” came PBear’s rather lengthy and thought-out reply.
William took a while to reply, and the webcam showed how his face seemed to express some semblance of being unnerved and intrigued. He looked like he was provoked into thinking hard. “We’re just friends. That’s all.” William typed, with all the convincing tone of a captain sinking with his ship.
At this, PBear didn’t reply. Instead, the picture of the grizzly bear wearing a speedo was replaced by a rotating point-an indication that PBear’s cam was loading, that or another video. A few seconds later, William was face to face again with himself, his nervous face on the screen looking at an equally nervous John: PBear was showing him their recorded video.
Despite himself, William watched on, as his video-self tried to convince John not to go through with PBear’s orders.
* …“John, I know what you’re thinking…don’t. I don’t want you…this is my fault!”
“Will, shut up. You are the biggest idiot I know, yeah, this is all your fault and I am so pissed off at you right now! But you’re also my best friend.”… *
William watched as both he and John took turns undressing each other, jerking each other and finally sucking each other. William felt a rush of emotion for his best friend as he saw just how far John was willing to go for his sake. Love…PBear said that John loved him and that he loved the younger boy in return…not as friends, but as something greater. William couldn’t believe himself thinking of such things, but his emotions seemed to say it for him. He had already started to love John not only as a friend, but as a lover. And, as he watched John sucking on his video-self’s penis, his hand unconsciously moved to massage his crotch.
The video was now showing John sucking frantically on William’s three and a half inch dick. William saw himself squirming as John sucked him, only to abruptly stop. William knew that it was at that point PBear commanded them to switch places. During all that time the video showed John sucking his video-self off, William had already started to fondle himself inside his shorts. When the video showed him his turn to suck John, William pulled off his shorts entirely and began to full-on masturbate. He tried to time each of his strokes to the pace in which he was bobbing his head on John’s dick. William kept stroking, his entire body shaking from the pleasure. It came to a point when William couldn’t hold off any longer and started jerking at his own, much quicker pace.
“Ohh….John…uhm…” William panted, now entirely lost to the sensations coming from his groin. Now he would only occasionally look at the video of him sucking John, but mostly, he threw his head back and closed his eyes shut. In his mind he saw John, whose face was smiling and gentle, whose face was also panting as William sucked his penis for all he was worth. William was breathing erratically, his imagination focused on his image of giving immense pleasure to John. For about five minutes, he frantically masturbated, not even caring that the webcam could easily see from his head to his pelvis, since he was reclining on his chair to be able to masturbate more comfortably. PBear had a full view of the twelve-year old passionately fisting his penis, his boyish moans accompanying the creaking of the chair’s springs.
William kept working himself to orgasm, not even noticing the sizable amount of precum he was oozing, since he had his eyes closed. Just as the video showed John giving a great big grunt from being overloaded with pleasure and subsequently falling down, William gave a final sigh of relief as he reached his own climax. He just held his dick in his hand as it throbbed, remembering how he and John felt each other’s dick spasm the first time they jerked each other off. He let his post orgasmic feelings wash over him as he remained reclining on his chair.
About three minutes later, he finally regained enough strength to look at his computer screen again. The video was finished and the webcam feed was turned off, meaning PBear had ended the call, unnoticed by William who was still spacing out at the time. PBear, who was now offline, seemed to have left him a long parting message.
“I think now you understand what I mean. You just showed yourself how much you love John. Don’t deny it any longer; it would be better for you boys to be together. I’m really, really sorry that I caused him to get angry with you. I never wanted that, believe me. But, if I know you, you’re too stubborn to let John go without trying to fix it. I sincerely hope you do. Thanks for the show, it was hot watching you wank. In case you’re wondering, no, I didn’t record that, so I hope that gives you at least a bit of peace in mind. I swear on my honor your videos will not get out, though I know that means little since you don’t know me. Just trust me when I say that I wish I were you right now. Good night, Will.”
After sprucing up and cleaning his disheveled, naked appearance, William settled on his bed, tired, satisfied and sleepy. It’s true that he hated PBear, and would probably never forgive the man, but now he wondered what kind of life he must lead. It made William that much more able to empathize with those confronted by longing and it also made him appreciate just how lucky he is to have John as his…more-than-best friend. He swore that tomorrow, he would resolve whatever issues he had with John and go back being the happy more-than-friends that they were.