Katie arrived Wednesday night. It was great to see her. My youngest sister had taken education even more seriously than I had. She was finishing her masters in the spring and had already been accepted into a doctorate program. She was brilliant. Donna and her brood arrived Thursday morning, a little before noon. They must have hit the road before seven. Dinner was at one, and Jesse showed up around half past twelve with three thermal dispensers, two of coffee and one of hot cocoa. He won the hearts of my nieces and nephews instantly and earned Tony’s eternal gratitude when he smelled the first cup. Yeah, my mother’s coffee was that dreadful.
It was after grace, but before we had obscenely overloaded our plates, that I had a near death experience. Tony junior, TJ to everyone, looked up suddenly, seemingly surprised by a thought, and blurted out. “Where’s Uncle Steve?”
I don’t know how I kept from dropping the mashed potatoes into the green beans, but I got the bowl to the table without breaking anything. Mom came to my rescue. “He couldn’t make it, dear. He’s with his family this year.”
TJ was genuinely disappointed. Steven had won the hearts of the kids and the ire of all their parents. He loved spending money, and it really didn’t matter on whom; so he was the next best thing to Santa on Christmas. That was, if Santa had a sadistic streak and loved to watch parents squirm. He had a talent for picking out the toys that would bring the most delight to the kids and the greatest headaches to the parents. Loud, multipart, or just plain complicated instruments of parental torture. It was only his feigned innocence and natural charm that had kept my siblings and their spouses from ripping him apart.
If Jesse had noticed my reaction, he didn’t show it. He must have assumed that Steven was just another family member or in-law. I spent the rest of the meal trying not to look at him and to keep myself from hyperventilating. I hadn’t realized that I’d gone “back in the closet” since I’d returned. I didn’t like it. That put a major wedge between me, and a decision to seriously consider Jeremy’s offer.
Katie went with me on Friday for more “coffee salvation” while Mom went with Donna on their obsessive sales barrage. Katie needed to talk, or that was her excuse to beg off the shopping. She’d never been a “stuff” girl. For the youngest, spoiled sibling, she had turned out about the most sensible of all of us. We walked the campus, a habit I was unconsciously forming, before getting our coffees. I told her about the offer and my reservations about it. She didn’t buy my crap.
When we hit Starbucks, the lines were vicious as shoppers demanded warmth and caffeine before braving the sales again. Jesse didn’t have time to chat, which was fine; I still hadn’t recovered from the previous day. He gave us what time he could spare, smiling the entire time and taking my sister’s flirtations with an ever-increasing blush. I actually felt a stab of jealousy at how easily she could do it. She had never liked Steven and took to Jesse like a fish in water; the bitch always had good taste in men.
She didn’t say anything serious till we’d gotten our to-go cups and had left to walk Main Street and peek in the windows. Neither of us wanted to face the rabid sale-hunters. She raised her eyebrow at me as we stood in front of a boutique, admiring a dress she’d seen. “So, when are you going to tell Jesse?”
I frowned at her. “Tell him what?”
She laughed. “That you’re so in love with him you’re tripping over yourself.”
I spit my coffee, making a mess of the poor shop owner’s window. Scowling at her, I took our napkins and did my best to clean up the mess. “That wasn’t very nice.”
“That’s an evasion.” She was so damn smug.
“I’m not in love with Jesse. I don’t do straight men, sis.” Katie had been the most accepting of my siblings about my gender preferences. I think, next to Mom, I loved her best.
She rolled her eyes and took my arm. “What ever you say, big brother. You realize you’re going to have to tell him you’re gay, right?”
I sighed. “Yeah, I know. I was just really enjoying the friendship.”
Laughing, she gave me a peck on the cheek. “You are such a drama queen, Kevin. Jesse’s cool; I don’t think you’ll have any problems with him.”
I hoped I wouldn’t, but I wasn’t convinced. We tabled the discussion for the rest of the day and just spent time as siblings. I was going to miss her when she left.
.
I spent the rest of the weekend seriously thinking about what I wanted to do. I knew, whatever it was, I couldn’t live life I the closet. I didn’t need to be on fire and marching in pride parades, but I wasn’t going to hide who I was; never again. I’d talked with Mom after the brood had returned north. The hopeful look on her face when I mentioned the position gave me another reason to take the job. I hadn’t realized how lonely she’d been since Katie had gone away to school. None of us had remained in town; none of us had considered how she would feel living alone with no family nearby; it seemed terribly unfair.
I met with Jeremy the week after the holiday. I was nervous as hell, but I wasn’t going to apologize for whom I was. He greeted me with a smile and I took a seat across the desk from him. I couldn’t believe my palms were sweating. I’d been an out, active gay man for fifteen years; this was ridiculous.
“Jeremy, before I give you an answer, I need to make a few things clear.”
He nodded, folding his fingers in front of his lips in a very “I am listening to you” manner.
“I’m gay. I’m not ashamed of it, and I have no intention of hiding it. If that would be an issue for you or the school, I don’t want to take this any further.” I made sure I didn’t break eye contact.
He didn’t even flinch. “Ok.” He waited for me to say something more, but I really didn’t have anything more to say. His simple answer had thrown me. He took a breath and smiled. “For the record, I already knew that. When I’d asked around with some people back in New York, the topic came up. I’m glad you told me though, it makes me more comfortable knowing the people I work with aren’t concealing things from me.”
I was nonplussed. “You don’t have a problem with it?”
He shrugged. “I have a gay son, my youngest. I got over my issues with that a while ago. As far as the school is concerned, as long as you follow the accepted code of ethics, don’t date students and refrain from inappropriate acts in the class room, it isn’t anyone’s business who you sleep with.” His lips curled into an amused smile. “I think it would be nice to have an open, well adjusted, successful gay role model for the students. Maybe it would help a few of them deal with their own issues.”
I really couldn’t believe it, but the grin on my face must have lit up the room. “Then I’d love to take the position.”
His smile was relieved. He stood up and put out his hand. “We’ll get the paperwork finalized before the end of the week. You won’t regret it.”
I left a few hours, and a very sore hand later, and went straight to Starbucks. I had to tell Jesse. He greeted me with his usual smile and told me to take a seat and he’d bring out some drinks. I was practically drumming the table when he got there. I probably looked like a kid who’d just gotten his first job. He laughed at me as he sat down. “What’s up with you? You look like you’re about to bounce off the seat.”
“I just got a job!”
His eyes seemed to loose their shine, but he smiled at me. “Congratulations, when do you leave?”
His reaction really didn’t register. I was too excited to see anything beyond my nose. “I’m not. I’m the new head of the Business Department for FCC.”
He graced me with a thousand watt smile. “You’re shitting me!”
“Nope, just finished the paperwork today. I start January fifth.” I was all grins.
“That’s the best news I’ve had this month.”
I laughed. “It’s only the third, Jesse, the month is young.” The look he gave me nearly had me melting. If I hadn’t known any better, I’d have thought he was going to kiss me. I looked back out of the window and Katie’s words haunted my thoughts. I was going to have to tell him the truth, and soon; I was really beginning to wonder what “the truth” was.
*****
The days flew by as I helped Mom prepare for the Christmas invasion. Kids, couples, singles and more presents than any one family should have to contend with would be descending upon us in a matter of days. Mom got off the phone with Jack, my brother, and looked a bit worried. “I think we have a problem.”
I looked up from the textbooks I was reviewing. I’d gotten advanced copies of the available texts for the classes I’d be teaching, and I was trying to figure out which ones would be best so I could have the book store stock them. I’d written off a couple already, but there were still several I had to wade through. “What’s up?”
She sat down at the kitchen table, looked at my notes and texts that littered the surface, and smiled at me. “Oh honey, I’m so glad you’re staying. I think you’re going to be a wonderful teacher.”
I squeezed her hand and blinked back the tears. Mom could just do that to me; her unconditional love through everything had kept us all going. I was glad I could do something that made her so happy. “You’re evading.”
She grinned. “Ok, maybe I was.” Setting down the cocoa, she sighed. “I don’t think we can fit everyone. You and Steven had always stayed over in Haydon and just came up for Christmas Eve and Day. Katie can stay at Julia’s, they still like to get together over the holidays, but I don’t know what to do with Jack and Leigh.”
I shrugged. “I’ll just get a motel room, Mom. They can have the old room and the kids can all bunk in the basement like usual.”
“I’m not going to throw you out of your own house, Kevin. You live here and will be till we find you a place of your own.” She chewed on her lip. “We’ll figure out something.”
I was sitting at my usual spot in Starbucks, reading over an economics text, and hoping to find some redeeming value in the book. The thing was drier than week old biscotti and nowhere near as enjoyable. I seriously wondered if it would be improved by dunking it in my coffee.
Jesse came over and plopped down across from me. He’d been in high spirits all month. I wish I could have shared in it, but I still hadn’t reconciled what and when I was going to tell him. Even if he was cool with my being gay, he might think my desire to spend so much time with him was because I “wanted” him. The problem was I couldn’t convince myself that it wasn’t the reason. Katie had opened up Pandora’s Box at Thanksgiving, and all my submerged desires were rearing their lustful heads. Why did he have to be so fucking great? I smiled over my textbook. “Care to be lulled into numbness by the most boring text anyone ever wrote?”
He laughed. “No, thanks. Even with such a fascinating reader, I don’t think I could survive a book you label as ‘less enjoyable than razor burn’.”
I grinned. “That was the book on Business Accounting; this one is Basic Economics.”
“So, Mr. Hamilton, what do you read for fun at night?” His spirits just wouldn’t diminish.
I laughed and grabbed up “Introduction to Business Practices” and grinned, “The classics.” I looked at the book and sighed. “I’m going to have to figure out where I’m going to read at night for a while.”
He looked at me, surprise written all over his face. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing serious; small house, big family. No matter how we work it out, two of us have to find outside accommodations. Katie has already gotten a room with her best friend, but I’m looking at Motel-Six.” I shrugged. “It will be great to have everyone down.”
Jesse looked offended. “Why the hell didn’t you ask me? You had me over for Thanksgiving; the least I could do is put you up for the holidays. I’ve got plenty of room.”
The thought of spending my nights alone with Jesse made my heart race. I knew I’d fuck something up. I was going to turn him down, but the look on his face made me stop. Behind the happy eyes was a bone biting loneliness that made my heart clench. God, he was alone for the holidays. I’d never been alone for the holidays, even when I hadn’t had a lover I’d had family. I smiled and decided I’d survive keeping my hands to myself if I had to bolt my door and tie myself to the bed. “That’d be great. Think you can handle me from Christmas Eve through New Years?”
He grinned. “I think I can manage.” I wasn’t so sure I could, but it was too late to back out now.
I followed Jesse to his place after he closed up on Christmas Eve. I’d packed for a week, had plenty of reading material and had convinced myself I could keep from molesting him even if I saw him naked. I realized I’d never even seen him in short-sleeves. God, I had to get my thoughts out of the gutter. The house was on five acres of orchard. He’d kept the property the way I’d remembered it from childhood. The house was well maintained, clean and filled with antiques. I was amazed at the lack of dust or clutter, and he admitted that he had a maid come in a couple times a month.
He put me in a room down the hall from his. He still hadn’t moved into the master suite. I thought that was odd, but he simply smiled and said he was saving it for when he met someone special. I hadn’t realized he was a romantic; damn, I wanted him.
I looked around after I got my stuff into the room, and met him in the living room. He’d gotten a fire started and had some soft jazz playing. “You don’t decorate for the holidays?”
He shrugged. “No one to see it but me, and I spend most of my time at the store.” I had to admit, the store had been done up with abandon.
“So nothing, no tree, no holly, no stockings?” I was actually disappointed and a little sad. I’d never spent Christmas without the trappings.
He blushed. “Well, I do have one tradition I keep up with.” He nodded to an adorned log that was next to the hearth. “We always burned a Yule Log on Christmas Eve, and had mulled wine.” He sat back and cast his eyes around the room. “The decorations, tree and such are there for families. I’ll do it again when I have one. The log is kind of a personal thing; you don’t have to be with a bunch of people to use it.”
“I’ve heard of them, but I thought they were a log with some holly and three candles on the top.” The log looked nicely decorated, no candles, and smelled seasoned with spices. “I don’t know the traditions; what’s it about?”
Jesse smiled. “The Yule Log is normally burned on ‘Yule’, which is a few days before Christmas and is the longest night of the year.” He shrugged. “We usually just did it Christmas Eve. Anyway, the idea is that you invest the log with all the love, happiness, blessings and good fortune you and your family have had throughout the year. Then, on the darkest night, you burn the log and it is supposed to shine with that love and happiness into the darkness and illuminate the year to come.”
Something about it sounded so perfect. It wasn’t all big and blown-up and centered on the giving of gifts. It was about cherishing the things we already have and gave hope for a brighter future. I was deeply touched. “Are we going to burn it?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t want to do it if you thought it was weird.”
I smiled. “Let’s get out of our work clothes, mull some wine and toast our blessings. I think this year I’ve got a lot to be thankful for.”
I grinned self-consciously as I came back down to the kitchen. I actually do own pajamas, and I wear then in cold weather. Ok, so I wear the bottoms even in hot weather. Steven said it was a waste of effort since he usually had me out of them before I went to sleep anyway. I’d grown up sleeping in them; sue me. Jesse had quickly showered off the smell of coffee and changed into some soft sweat pants and a button down flannel shirt. He warmed the wine on the stove, adding the mulling spices while we talked about my plans for the department and what I would look for in a home. We went back to the living room with the wine, some bread, meats and cheeses, and our good cheer.
Once we were settled, he took up the log and set it atop the already burning ones in the fireplace. Smiling, he lifted his glass in a toast. “We give thanks for the blessings of friendship, family and guidance. May they shine brightly into the New Year and bring us happiness and joy.”
I really couldn’t think of anything to add. I clicked my glass to his and went, “Amen.”
We drank our wine and nibbled on the food as the log burned. It did seem to burn brighter than the other logs and the smell of the spices filled the room in the most sensual way. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the warmth and the aromas. I couldn’t imagine how a guy as great as Jesse could remain single so long. I poured myself some more wine and smiled at him. “Ok, Mr. Carlson, it’s time for you to tell me why a guy with all your blessings isn’t sharing them with someone special.”
He shrugged. “I thought I was.”
He was not getting out of it that easy; no matter how his words made my heart quiver. “Evasion, try again.”
He frowned, poured himself some more wine and shrugged. “I guess I just haven’t been lucky enough to interest someone I’m interested in.”
I didn’t buy that for a second. “Yeah, right. I remember a certain track star who got anyone he wanted back in High School.” I’d spent a lot of time remembering since I’d gotten home. A part of me had always noticed Jesse, but we didn’t really hang in the same circles often and I wasn’t ‘out’. Not that he’d have been interested; he always had a gaggle of girls around him.
He blushed. “I’ve had my share of sex, but I just haven’t been with that special someone I wanted to bring home.”
I laughed. “Come on, Jesse, you had anyone you wanted.” The wine was getting to me. Was warm wine more intoxicating?
He looked back at the log and mumbled, “Not anyone.”
That dulled my enthusiasm. He really sounded like he had missed something or someone and regretted it. “I’m sorry, Jesse. I didn’t mean to pry.”
He smiled at me. It wasn’t the happiest of smiles, but he didn’t seem upset. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“Who’s Uncle Steve?”
I was lucky I didn’t snap off the stem of my glass. That would have been a wonderful end of the evening, being taken to the emergency room to have my lacerated hand stitched and bandaged. Honestly, I didn’t really feel anything for Steven any more, save for a bit of shame and regret for being such an idiot. It was the idea of telling Jesse that had me shaking. I set the glass down before I damaged it, myself, or both.
“Steven was my lover, Jesse. I should have told you before, but I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.” I looked away for a moment, trying to steel myself for the rest. “I’m gay.” I waited for the shock, or look of loathing and the biting remarks. They didn’t come. He just looked at me, not saying anything but obviously thinking about what I’d said.
I swallowed as he set his glass down next to mine and leaned into me. He smelled of soap, wine and something else. I must have looked like a deer in the headlights because I was rooted to the spot, watching in disbelief as he closed the gap between us and brought his lips to mine. It was brief, wet and completely melted me. I was still trembling when he pulled back.
“What if the only ‘anyone’ I want is you?” His voice was low and warm and would have stripped me of my clothes if it had had hands.
I swallowed. Pandora’s Box may have been open, but Jesse had just upended it and dumped out the contents. The last couple months flash past and I could see it all so much more clearly. We’d been making love with everything but our bodies for almost the entire time. No wonder I couldn’t think straight about Jesse, I’d been stuck in foreplay for too long. My fingers gripped the back of his head as I pulled him back to me. I could hardly breathe, but I managed a quiet, “Merry Christmas.”
I found myself lying under him as we kissed. God he tasted good. He was so much bigger than I was. I’d always been lean; light and in some way’s just too graceful for a guy. Jesse hadn’t been a football player, but he still had a solid, muscular body that made me tingle every time he touched me. He was touching me from head to toe and the tingling was driving me insane.
We broke from the kiss, panting and a little desperate. The way he fumbled with the buttons of my pajama top told me he needed this as much as I did. He got it open and looked down on me. I was a little worried; I’d never been a jock. He paused only for a moment before crossing his arms and pulling his shirt over his head. I finally got to look at all of his blond-furred glory. Admittedly, Steven beat us both in the looks and body departments, but his looks had been contrived and sculpted in the gym and by deliberate care. Jesse was by no means the perfect magazine model, but he had an honest, farmer’s body that was built from hours of hard work. He was real, and that’s what I wanted.
Smiling down at me, he ran his fingers down my hairless chest and along my abs. “You’re so beautiful.” I’d been told that before, but the way he said it and the total sincerity in his eyes made me feel it for the first time.
I pulled him down; feeling all that fur-clad muscle filled me with a sense of awe. I had the most incredible man in my arms; I prayed that this time it was for life. We kissed again. Each kiss was better than the one before. By the time we came up for air, we were both hard and throbbing against each other. I moaned as he ground against me. “I hope you’ve got protection…”
He stopped and looked at me, grinning. “I hope that means what I think it does.”
I bent up and chewed on his ear. “If you think it means ‘take me to bed and fuck me like you mean it’, yeah it’s what you think.”
He pulled me up with him as he stood. I didn’t even get to settle my weight on my feet because he had me up in his arms and was kissing me as he carried me out of the living room, up the stairs, and down the hall. He paused at his room and looked at me. “Kevin, what do you want?”
I didn’t quite follow him. I wanted him to fuck me so bad I was squirming. “What do you mean?”
He swallowed. “Do you want tonight, or do you want forever?”
Oh god, if that wasn’t a ton of bricks. Most guys say, “I love you” in the midst of blowing their load. It’s a sex thing and never means the real thing. He’d just asked me to marry him; maybe not in those terms but it was the same thing. I asked myself what I wanted, and the answer came back so easily I couldn’t help but smile. “I want forever.”
He kissed me again; this one not only took my breath away but also left me weak. It was a good thing he was carrying me, because I would have collapsed. He turned and carried me into the master bedroom. It was actually a little chilly in the unused room, but I had warm furry blanket lying over me as I was put on the bed. He whispered as he chewed on my ear. “God, I’ve wanted you for so long.”
I shivered a little, not just from what he was doing to me. I didn’t have all that furry muscle to keep me warm. I smiled. “I hate to say this, but think you can wait a little longer?
He sat up, looking confused. I grinned. “If I’m going to get my presents early, why don’t we light a fire and make it last?”
His sexy grin made me think twice of letting him off the bed. “You’re a closet romantic, Mr. Hamilton.”
I grinned back. “I’m a flaming romantic, mister. If I’m moving in here, you better know that I plan to be as romantic as they come.”
His words caught in his throat and he just looked at me. I think he had tears in his eyes but it was hard to tell in the dark. “I love you, Kevin.” His voice was cracked with emotion.
I think that was the first time I ever heard those words and had them resonate so deep that I couldn’t find a spot that I wasn’t thrumming with it. I chuckled and hugged him tight. “I guess I should have listened to Katie.”
He grinned at me as I let him go. “Why’s that?”
“She wondered why I hadn’t told you I was so in love with you that I was tripping over myself.” I started to laugh. I couldn’t help it. I felt so relieved and so happy that it just came out.
He brought his forehead to mine and started chuckling. “Probably the same reason I didn’t; I was scared shitless.”
We held each other and laughed. Our lust had faded a little but it was replaced by warmth that was far more profound. I brushed his face with my fingers and he rubbed his nose in my goatee. “So, Mr. Also-Romantic, want to take the time to set the mood, or do you just want to strip me out of these togs and fuck?”
He smiled, his eyes burning so bright that I could have sworn the Yule Log was behind them. “I want everything.”
We kissed again. I swore if I could have dissolved I would have. I don’t know what he did with his lips, but it was overwhelming. It took me a moment to refocus as he sat up. “You put a couple of the logs on, and I’ll bring up some fire.” None of my other lovers would have stopped during foreplay and have been willing to go to all that trouble. The desperation was gone, but the low burning need was there by the truckload. I knew to the bottom of my soul that this was going to be worth it.
He vanished down the hall as I got off the bed and fumbled with the logs. There were candles on the mantle and I found some matches. I lit them, and went to the curtains to wait. I was standing there, looking out at the moonlit snow, when he came back in. He had the Yule Log in a coal bucket, the wine glasses and the bottle. I could also hear that he’d turned up the stereo down stairs. Damn if he didn’t look even sexier with the glow of the log illuminating him from the bucket. The light cast shadows across his muscles and glinted in the soft hair that I longed to touch. He studied me in the moonlight, his eyes taking me in. “Damn, Kevin.”
I smiled. “I feel the same. Get that thing loaded, and let’s finish unwrapping our presents.”
He did as he was told, setting the glasses and bottle on the mantle before he crouched down and loaded the fire. He spent a few minutes blowing on it, making sure the logs caught. It gave me some time to drink him in. I crossed the room as he stood up, and I ran by hands over his chest. He moaned as I leaned in and began chewing on collarbone, enjoying the taste of his freshly washed skin. My fingers teased his nipples to hard nubs before I kissed my way down and latched on to one. Jesse stood there, his hands roaming softly over my back as he moaned. I don’t think he’d ever really made love to anyone before; I got the feeling that he’d only had one night stands and quick fucks to dull the need.
I slid back up his body and pulled him down to whisper in his ear. “I want to make love to you, Jesse. Right here, in the light of the fire. I want to explore and get to know every inch of you.” He was shuddering at my words. “Think you can handle that?”
He nodded into my neck; his voice was just above a whisper, “Yeah.”
His eyes were closed as I resumed my explorations. My hands roamed his back as I kissed his jaw and his neck. He felt so good, so real. He was panting by the time my hands made it to the back of his sweats. I slid them under, cupping his fuzz-covered ass and squeezed. He actually whimpered. I held his ass, kneading his cheeks, as I kissed my way down his chest and along his abs till I got to the front of his pants. He must have been leaking like a faucet because the sweats were drenched. I brought my hands around and pulled the front of his sweats out. His cock leapt up, leaving a glistening trail of lust along his abs as it slapped his abs beyond his navel. I’d honestly never seen one so big. He wasn’t obscenely thick, thank God, but he was much thicker than average, and damn if he wasn’t ten inches long. I wondered for a moment if I could even take the thing. The thought made my hole twitch and I had my answer. I was damn well going to try.
I pushed his sweats down to his ankles and ran my hands back up his thighs and around his hips to grip his ass again. Running my lips from his sack to the tip, I was trembling almost as badly as he was. This was going to be a long, hot night and I planned to enjoy every moment of it. I lifted up enough to rub my goatee along his shaft. I caused a spasm when I scraped against his flared head. He gripped my head with one hand and the mantle with the other.
“Dear Jesus, Kevin…” He sounded like he’d just run a marathon. I knew I was doing him right.
I wanted him so wound up that when I finally got him down my throat he’d be over the edge and into the abyss in no time. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to lick and suck on that monster tool for hours, but he simply wasn’t going to be an easy guy to give a blowjob to. His dick was so hard and inflexible that deep throating was going to be out of the question. I chewed on him a little, running my tongue around the crown enough to have his legs shaking. I looked up and slid back. “Grab hold of the mantle.” My voice was low and so full of lust that it didn’t even sound like me.
He did, stepping so that his dripping, throbbing cock was facing the fire and his butt was out toward the room. I slid around behind him slowly pried open his incredible ass. I’d nearly creamed over it at Halloween, now I planned to savor what I’d missed. I ran my tongue through his furry depths and he groaned. I lapped at him, chewing and prodding as I made my way to his trembling entrance. He was gasping as I ran my tongue over his tight, sweet hole. “Kevin… I’ve never…” He didn’t get out anything else. I pressed in, thrusting my tongue past his resistance before he could object. He cried out, his body quaking as I dove in as deep as I could go, my tongue twisting and tasting his inner essence. I was in heaven; my only regret was I didn’t get to taste his first release.
His whole body arched as he came up onto his toes and gripped the mantle for dear life. “Oh, God!” His scream was drawn out and he pulled the lord’s name into a strangled “awed” that seemed to rise up from his feet. His cock blasted out ropes of cum that smacked against the hearth and soared into the fire, sizzling as they draped over the logs. He was whimpering and slumped against the mantle as I finished feasting on his ass. His body was like a limp rag. His ass was so non-resistant that I think I could have just stood up, rammed myself home and he’d have just sighed and prepared to cum again.
Instead, I wrapped my arms around his waist and let him sink down against me. He was still shaking through the aftershocks. Obviously no one had ever rimmed him before. He whimpered into the side of my head as I kissed his neck. “Oh, god… I never felt anything like that.”
I licked around his ear and hugged him close. “We have all night, and tomorrow, and next week and next year. Let’s just take our time and make love until we’re too old to get it up any more.”
He nodded, finding his breath but not talking. He didn’t say anything; he didn’t need to. The way he felt in my arms, sated, happy and loved, was better than words.
I squeezed him. “Lets get into bed and you can unwrap your present. I’ve already gotten to play with mine.”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to top that…”
I bit his ear. “I think you’ll rise to the occasion.”
I could already see him rising back to attention as I chewed on his ear and fondled his chest. He groaned. “Get in bed; I’m going to give you a ride you’re not going to forget.” Like a good boy, I did what I was told.
He moved one of the mantle candles closer to the bed and I saw the box in his hands. I almost squirmed knowing that soon I’d have him inside of me. I’m a versatile guy, but I admit that I prefer being under a hot, strong, well-hung man. Jesse was all that and spare change. Sliding onto the bed, Jesse caressed my body. It was pretty clear that he hadn’t had much experience; I envisioned him as I would have been, trapped without an outlet, going out of town for an evening when I could, finding some nameless guy at a bar or pickup spot for a quick fix, and coming home sated but dissatisfied. With his size and looks, he was probably “the top”. Some part of me was overjoyed to know that I was probably the first man he’d taken the time to make love to.
I melted as his hands roamed my body. His touch was so light and appreciative that it made me feel cherished. It also stirred my libido harder than any of the heavy petting and groping I’d come to expect with a partner. I sighed with relief as he unsnapped my bottoms and slid them off, letting the cool air wash over my steaming rod. I wasn’t as large as he was; average really, just like my height and build. That didn’t dissuade him from leaning down and tasting me. God, the velvety-wetness of his tongue sent shivers through me as he licked at me tentatively. His teeth grazed me a few times as he strove to take me in his mouth. He couldn’t take me completely, even though I’m not all that large, but I knew he’d be able to with practice. I sure as hell hoped to give him lots of practice.
He pulled himself over me, becoming a heavily muscled fur blanket, and kissed me again. What his fellatio skill lacked, his kissing made up for in spades. The man could kiss me to a state of mental numbness. I was completely gone when I felt him reach for the lube and protection. I snapped to attention when I heard the foil packet rip. I was horny as hell, but Jesse was huge. There was no way he was getting into me without some serious prepping. I think he saw worry in my eyes and he kissed me again before whispering. “Trust me.”
I did. He rolled me onto my belly and ran his hands up my legs, pulling apart me cheeks before he sniffed at my ass. I trembled; it felt like a predator was taking my scent and I loved it. Slowly, his face pressed down against me and his tongue began to press at my hole. He licked me tentatively, he’d probably never done that either, but then he kissed his way up my back and chewed on my neck as he used his lubed fingers to open me. Ok, he hadn’t done much cock sucking and his ass was probably cherry, but he knew how to open an ass. I thought I was going to go out of my mind as his strong, skilled fingers peeled me open with deep, insistent twists and turns. I was panting into the pillows when he pulled his face from my ass, lubed my hole generously, and positioned himself at my entrance. I thought I was ready for it when I felt his arms supporting him at my sides, and he pressed in; I wasn’t ready.
I cried out; there was no avoiding it, it hurt. That didn’t mean I wanted him to stop. My ass had been empty for months and he was filling it more than anyone before him. He stopped as I gripped the sheets, trying to force myself to relax and accept him. His voice was torn as he struggled to decide what to do; he hadn’t wanted to hurt me. “Kevin, I’ll pull out.”
I shook my head against the sheets and reached back to grab his hand. “No… just lie against me… give me a minute, please.” I panted it out between gasps. I had no idea it was going to be that bad. I’d always been a good bottom, I loved it, but my months of celibacy and his enormous girth just didn’t make for a winning combination. He did as I asked, pressing his chest against my back but kept his hips up.
He kissed my neck, cooing and whispering into my hair. “Kevin, please, I love you too much to hurt you.” He almost sounded like he was crying.
My resistance melted. I wanted him in me; I wanted him claiming me; I wanted him to know how much I loved him. I sighed as I felt my ass give way, and he sank in a few more inches. I whispered to him, my voice low and pleading. “Go slow; I want this, just please go slow.”
He did, God did he ever! He pulled back at what felt like an inch an hour. When his flared head reached my ring he added more lube and pressed in again. It felt like I had a semi truck pushing into me, but it didn’t actually hurt. It was uncomfortable, sort of like life changes, but as I accepted him it wasn’t painful. It felt like he inched in and out for days, maybe months, my brain had lost track of time, and I was living for the moment that he filled me completely. When it happened, I felt complete. Like with our feelings, we took the time to let it happen naturally. Now that he was there, I never wanted him gone. He felt so damn good.
He finally took a full stroke and I thought I was going to shudder into a million pieces. He was so thick and so long that every inch of him rubbed my prostate. Most of my partners only hit it with their thrusts or rubbed it with the head, but there wasn’t a part of him that didn’t send those jolts of pleasure through me. I think if it had been possible for a person to fall in love over a cock, his would have done it. Instead, it was just a confirmation of how perfect he was for me. All I could do was moan and live for the ride; I didn’t even have the will to press back against him. I had been claimed, and I knew I was his.
He made love to me with slow, long, deep strokes. His lips never left my shoulders and neck as his body flexed against me. All that strength, all that fur, all that emotion was riding me even more than the bull-cock that had taken me to places no one had before. Now I knew why he’d only been a top; if he’d done me first, I’d have been in no condition to service him in any way afterwards. As it was, I wasn’t certain I’d be up to walking by the time we were expected to arrive at Mom’s in the morning. I didn’t care.
I couldn’t count how many times I came against the sheets. He was just that good. All the while he whispered how good it was, how much he loved me, how long he’d dreamed of us. No stupid porn talk, no trash; he made love to me with his voice like he was with his body: in slow, determined, honest conviction. I think he rode me continuously for over an hour before he whimpered my name and I felt him shudder into the condom. I was totally gone. I only registered that things had changed when I felt him gently pull out and hold me to him before peeling back the covers. I fell asleep, wrapped in his strength, whispering words of love to him as I drifted off. I was home.
We did make it to Mom’s for the mid-morning opening of presents. How she kept the kids from ripping them all apart before we got there I’ll never know. As usual, Jesse went by the shop before we arrived and made up coffee and cocoa for the day. Yeah, he won the favor of my siblings with that alone.
Katie took one look at us when we arrived and grinned from ear to ear. She was able to make Jesse blush as he set down the coffee dispensers by commenting that he had obviously picked the right Hamilton. Mom, ever the observant woman that she was, pulled me aside later and asked if I’d found a place to live. I couldn’t help but hug her and laugh. I hadn’t asked for it, but I’d gotten everything I wanted for Christmas.
*****
Christmas night, Jesse gave me another present; he gave me what I’d only tasted the night before. We made love all the way through to the New Year; not constantly of course, he had the shop and I had school to prepare for. The family came over to Jesse’s for New Year’s Eve, and we rang the New Year in playing sax and guitar together for our family. It was the perfect start for the rest of our lives.
I never left Jesse’s house; it took me forever to call it “our house”. It didn’t take me as long to get used to living “out” in a small town. Amazingly, we got so much support that what little difficulty we did face was easily weathered. It took me no time at all to learn to love Morrisville the way Jesse did. Teaching turned out to be the best decision I ever made, except for loving Jesse. The school did grow over the next several years and the town benefited from it. After a few years, Mom moved in with us. She had gotten too old for me to let her live alone. She put up some token resistance, but I knew she secretly wanted to be with us. Every Christmas the house was more decorated than the year before; our home became the center of all the Hamilton gatherings. Life simply grew brighter with each New Year.
Of all the joys in our lives, the simple ones have been the best: duets on Friday nights, dinners with mom, afternoon coffees, making love, and taking the time to appreciate our blessings. The Yule Log has become a Hamilton family tradition. We passed it on to our nieces and nephews with the hope that they too would be blessed by it. I look back and cherish every moment of my life after my return to Morrisville and to Jesse, but I will always hold that first night in the light of the Yule Log as the memory I cherish the most.
The End