Did you buy it?
Yes
There were no pockets in her Sunday skirt, but that never stopped Olivia from sneaking her phone in church and texting her boyfriend without her mom noticing. She wanted to tell him all about the embarrassing experience of buying a Quantum Wand at the store and managing to throw away the packaging just before getting picked up (did they really have to put a picture of the pocket pussy Josh had bought on the box?). But the key to texting in church was restraint, discretion, and short messages.
Let’s do it.
Can’t now.
Didnt jack off all week 4 dis. WHy send me nude if ur not rdy 2 go.
K
Olivia smiled to herself while randomly mumbling her participation in the congregation’s chants. She did send him a tasteful open-shirt selfie with her perky tits exposed this morning, and she was still riding that high. Her mom never let her see her boyfriend, so the little games they played stoked the fire of her bottled-up lust. Getting an oral creampie in church… that would be the craziest thing she’d ever done.
The Quantum Fleshlight™ marketed itself as a way for people in long-distance relationships to share intimate moments, but it became a best-selling sex toy because the disappearing jizz meant no shameful cleaning of your masturbation instruments after use. Josh had bought the actual fleshlight, some obscene tube with one end shaped like a vagina, and she had purchased the companion wand that told the fleshlight where to send the seeds. Without a paired wand, some speculated that the cum was cast into the vast emptiness of outer space.
Olivia held, hidden in the palm of her hand, the thin black rod crowned with a black marble that looked like some futuristic, reusable cotton swab. Along the rod were tiny buttons labeled 1 to 4 and a bigger one, backlit by a blue LED. Olivia didn’t get a chance to look at the instructions before throwing them away but it seemed simple enough.
Pairing code?
Whatever 1234
The giddy girl was about to suggest something more secure when her mom snapped at her: “Olivia, put your phone away, for Christ’s sake.” That woman always had perfect timing when it came to giving her daughter that extra push she needed to misbehave. With her phone now confiscated, Olivia had made up her mind; her mom wouldn’t control every aspect of her life, like whether or not she was allowed to dip the communion wafer in her boyfriend’s semen before eating it.
In the secrecy of her palm, Olivia pressed the four buttons in succession: 1-2-3-4, then pretended to pray with the wand between her hands and her hands to her mouth. She made a little nest for the ball in the middle of her tongue and pressed the blue button. For a few seconds, she could catch the flashing glow of a wand computing its quantum magic between her fingers, then the blue light turned ON steady, and she knew her secret boyfriend’s fleshlight was one with her mouth, at least until she pressed the blue button ag…. “You’re vaping now? What is wrong with you, Olivia!?”
“Mom I’m not…” Olivia’s mom won the tug of war with the wand because her daughter’s hands let go of the stick to cover her mouth. The putrid taste was so disorienting, it took her a moment to realize it came from the quantum link she created. Josh said he didn’t jerk off all week but did he ever wash his genitals in that time? And that was before the oily liquid began splashing against her tongue.
The lumpy anchovy smoothie instantly made Olivia gag. She expected having to deal with a tablespoon, at most, but her mouth was filling so quickly, her cheeks were already starting to bulge. Neighbors and acquaintances from the front and back rows were now staring at her because of the commotion. Swallowing was the second-to-last thing she wanted to do right now, but the last thing she wanted was to disgorge a mouthful of semen while everyone watched. Gulp. Pushing that testicle juice down her throat was punishing in its taste and quantity. Olivia forced her best good-girl smile, but before she could tell everyone she was alright and come up with a lie for her mom, her mouth was full of sperm again.
Something was wrong, she knew that now. Josh was a prankster but not when he was horny. She lunged for the wand across her mother’s lap who accidentally dropped it in the aisle. It rolled in an arc until it found the crushing sole of a collection plate bearer. The blue light turned off but based on the constant, pungent squirts against Olivia’s tongue, that was because the wand was broken in half and not because the quantum link had been severed. Gulp. There was a number to call for emergencies. Gulp. It was printed on the box and in the instruction booklet. Gulp. They were at the bottom of a downtown garbage can. Gulp. Or on their way to the dump depending on the pick-up schedule. Gulp.
Meanwhile…
“That’s only half of the output we expected from waste tank 1234,” said one man in a hazmat suit to another as they watched a stream of their customers’ jizz from the observation platform in the building-size silo.
“Did you lock the pairing code like we did for tanks 1111, 2222, 3333, and 4444?”
“Duh! I mean, it’s technically possible that someone entered that code at the exact same time we locked it, causing two quantum locations to share the default dumping coordinates. But who would be stupid enough to use such a basic code and unlucky enough to use it within a millisecond of our activation? It’s way more likely that sales are down or that people are finally using the technology for its intended purpose.”
“Yeah, good news for us. It will take this tank three years to fill up completely instead of the projected six.”
“Let’s get out of here, even with the suit on I can’t stand being anywhere near this nastiness.”
“Tell me about it. The smell even gets through the respirator. Imagine being a girl and swallowing a spoonful of that stuff.”
“Jesus Christ, dude. Why would I want to imagine that?”
Also meanwhile, a Japanese politician’s voice was translated in real-time on the news. “Suicide prevention is a big concern for this administration. We have partnered with Quantum Industries to provide free companionship to every single man in Tokyo. Meet Kimiko, the love pillow that takes away your mess and your shame.”
And, on another channel: “New York City is proud to work with Quantum Industries to provide its homeless population with a clean, convenient and dignified way to urinate.”
And in the middle of nowhere: “See, Pops?” The kid hacked a loogie down the Quantum Fleshlight then shook it to show it was gone. “By golly, my boy, you’ve got y’urself a magic tube! Get our biggest funnel, there’s a hundred barrels of ol’ horse semen in the barn that the gov’ment don’t want me to dump in the lake.”
Weeks later: “You don’t think we should call the hospital, Father? She seems to be getting worse every day,” Olivia’s mother pleaded. Her indignation at her daughter’s public outburst had died down. She no longer believed God had chosen a suitable punishment for vaping in church. Now she just wanted her daughter to stop constantly vomiting egregious amounts of unholy filth.
Olivia wasn’t vomiting at this very moment, discounting the off-white rivulets from her nostrils, but only because the priest had taped her mouth shut to contain the evil and save his carpet. There was an ever-present panic in her eyes, bloodshot from lack of sleep. Her throat made a swallowing motion every second like a beating heart. The buttons of her shirt had all snapped off, leaving her pale tits on display much like in the picture she had sent her boyfriend before this all started. A notable difference, though: the tummy under those pretty tits was no longer flat. It had inflated to the size of a beachball, the popped bellybutton looking like the inflation spout.
It took days of thrashing for Olivia to stop fighting against the bonds that tied her to her chair. Trying to explain the situation did not get her anywhere either, as every word turned to seminal excretions from her mouth.
“They won’t be able to help!” yelled the priest while shaking Olivia’s mom by the shoulders. “Clearly Olivia is possessed. How else could you explain throwing up a hundred times your body weight in foul-smelling bile every day without having eaten anything for weeks? There are unnatural forces at play here, and I’m afraid the only thing we can do for sweet, little Olivia
is pray. And continue to suck the evil out of her with the holy purifier.” The holy purifier was an industrial shop vac with its nozzle inserted deep inside Olivia’s colon through the back of her chair. Even its 1.5 horsepower could barely keep up with the intake of jism, and the large container had to be emptied regularly.
If Olivia could change one thing about her situation, it wouldn’t be her sore throat, or her stretching belly, or the three feet of two-inch-wide hose snaking up her large intestine, or the forced enema by powerful suction. Her biggest regret was using the wand against her tongue instead of deeper in the back of her throat. The world’s waste sunk into the tastebuds before she had a chance to swallow it. At this very second, she knew that someone didn’t drink enough water, someone else’s dog got to their fleshlight, and another had slices of pineapple with his breakfast. Her senses had all dulled except for her sense of taste, and Satan himself couldn’t have come up with a better torture.