Author’s Note, Part 2: Apologies in advance, but this was inevitable. The story demanded it. Hold off on the angry comments until the next chapter comes out.
Chapter 13
I arrived at the beach just after the sun had gone down. Most people had eaten already, and I scraped together a tray of food (we were using the airline trays for their intended purpose—I personally felt the food on the island was better than the stuff on the plane) and thanked the neo-hippies for their cooking. I plopped down on the sand. I was just finishing when Joelle appeared.
“Dave! There you are. Where have you been?”
“I was exploring in the jungle,” I said. Several jungles my mind supplied giddily. “I got a little tied up.” I managed to keep a straight face. “Anything going on?” I asked.
“No. I helped Janie and Jared clean their fish. The caught a whole bunch.”
“I think I just ate one, thanks. Shall we make rounds on our patients?”
I offered her my arm and we made a circuit of the beach, checking on the various minor wounds that had been dressed or sutured after the crash, and inspecting Danielle’s leg.
“The sutures look pretty good,” Joelle commented. “No sign of infection.”
“Yeah. Probably 5 or 6 more days until they come out.” We walked toward Boys’ Town to check on Connor, but I turned back.
“What’s wrong?” asked Joelle.
“Nothing, go ahead. I needed to ask Danielle something.”
I returned to the field hockey coach and she looked up at me expectantly. “Mary’s probably going to tell you quite a story later. I had a… um… session with your girls today. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention it to Joelle. She’s still pretty innocent about those things.”
Danielle’s eyebrows raised. “You look a little tired, but I guess you survived. They can be pretty… aggressive.”
“No shit,” I said ruefully. “Anyway, just thought I’d give you a heads up.”
I jogged over to where Joelle was checking on Connor. He seemed to have mastered his crutches and the leg looked fine. Dkembe was our last stop, the giant still sleeping soundly.
“I gave him some more water and coconut milk a little while ago,” Joelle said. “I can’t get him to eat anything, though. I guess the wet nurse starts in the morning. Hopefully she can maintain his nutrition until he wakes up.”
We kissed our goodnights and parted. I headed over to Janie’s camp. She was talking to Jared and greeted me with a peck on the cheek.
“Hey, Dave!” Jared said. “Were you out exploring?”
“Yeah,” I told him. “Saw a few new sights.” Janie’s eyebrow raised as she caught some subtext to my answer. “But I’m pretty beat so I’m going to turn in.” I lay down on the sand and closed my eyes, and was quickly asleep.
For once, I was not the first one up in the morning since I slept later than usual. I guess being gang-raped by a field hockey team takes a lot out of a guy. Not that I was complaining. I took a morning swim in the lagoon and had some cold fish and mango for breakfast. Stopping by the medical shelter, I saw Gabrielle with Dkembe’s head in her lap, a blanket over him to shield their activity from passers-by. She smiled and pulled down the blanket to show me.
“He ‘as a good appetit. I think he will do well.” The dark lips were pulling on that magnificent milky mam like there was no tomorrow, suctioning her sweet milk like a machine. I was a little jealous, wishing I could join him at the bar, but I knew he needed it more than I did. I hungrily watched a drop of milk form on her other nipple and drip, wasted, onto the African’s chest. Too bad!
“Do you know where Joelle is?” I asked the Frenchwoman.
“I think she and the Indian woman—Anjali, non?—are taking the prisoner woman to get her cleaned up. I ‘eard there is to be a, how you say, trial today to decide what is to be her fate. They went to la riviere.”
I ran into Janie as I left the hut.
“Hey, Dave,” she greeted me, kissing me lightly. “What did you get up to yesterday?”
“It’s a long sordid story, but I think you’ll like it. I’m going to save it for later, when we can…discuss it in private.”
She gave me a naughty grin. “I like the sound of that.”
Switching gears, I asked, “What’s going on with the terrorist girl?”
Janie looked worried. “I asked a couple of the girls to help her clean up and get her a little more presentable. We need to have a powwow about what to do with her. We can’t keep her tied up forever. I know some people are in favor of killing her, but who would do it? I can’t bring myself to do that. I mean she did try to kill us, or at least hijack the plane, but to execute somebody? I don’t even like hunting.”
“Yeah, I guess we’re overdue for a discussion,” I agreed. “I don’t think banishing her would work, either. From the one time I spoke with her, I’d be worried she would sneak into camp at night and kill us all in our sleep.”
“We’ll have to hash something out. I figure around midday. I’m going to talk to Horace about a larger shelter for a common area. He approached me yesterday and I think it’s a good idea. We’d have plenty of volunteers to help build it. You want to come?”
“Nah, I’m going to have a good scrubdown. I’m feeling a little funky, and a saltwater swim just doesn’t do it.”
Janie leaned in to my ear. “I’d offer to scrub your dick for you, but I have a commitment with another man, even if he is pushing 70.” She bit my earlobe for emphasis and walked away. I watched her swaying hips depart, thinking she’s just hamming it up, now, but enjoying the show all the same. Trailing behind her came Christopher, all moon-eyed and dreamy. I recognized the signs of teenage infatuation.
“Hey, Christopher, come here!” I called to him. He tore his attention away from Janie’s ass.
“Yeah, Master Connor? What’s up?”
“A little word of advice from someone who’s been there. Don’t start to think of Ms. Scarlatti as your girlfriend. She’s not going to go steady with you. She’ll probably let you get lucky a few more times, but she’s not a one-man gal.”
He turned bright red. “Oh my God! You know!” He looked mortified.
“Hey, don’t sweat it. We tell each other everything. She really likes you, and thinks you’re pretty hot. But she’s not going to ‘go steady’ with you. Don’t waste all your affection on her. Remember, there are a whole lot of cute girls to choose from. Think of her as your coach. She’ll help you practice, but the other players are the ones in the game. Got it?” I patted him on the shoulder.
“I guess,” he moped. “I know in my heart she’s not going to be my girlfriend or anything, but she’s so sexy and what she did with me was incredible. I just want to do it again.”
Oh, I think you’ll get your chance,” I encouraged him. “She is pretty amazing in the sack,” I said dreamily, looking at her departing rump.
He looked shocked. “You too?!”
“Me too, buddy. I know exactly what you’re talking about. But she’s got a ferocious appetite, and I think even both of us together won’t satisfy her completely. I’d suggest asking her later if she wants a back rub. She likes that.”
His eyes brightened. “Thanks, Master Connor.”
“Call me Dave unless we’re in class,” I ordered.
“OK…Dave,” he said hesitantly. “And, maybe you could, um, give me some pointers on how to be, um, better with her?”
“Sure,” I agreed, chuckling. “Catch up with me later and I give you some hints. She’s not shy about telling you what she likes, though.” I patted him on the back and headed to my bag to get some bathing supplies.
Carrying shampoo, soap, a towel, and some new clothes, I headed to my “private pool” just inside the tree line from the stream’s outflow into the ocean. I stripped down and washed out the old clothes in the water, then performed my own ablutions. I had just pulled on my undies when I heard a scream upstream at the big pool.
I threw on my shoes and, carrying my shirt, ran along the trail to the waterfall. Joelle was lying on the rocks, clutching her head and moaning. I helped her up and noticed blood running down the side of her head from a gash on her scalp.
“God! What happened?” I asked frantically. “Are you OK?”
“She hit me!” She cried. “I was trying to be nice to her and she hit me! That bitch!”
“Who hit you?”
“The Arab woman. Anjali stood guard while I helped her wash up a little. She’s been tied to the tree since we got here and I thought she’d like to get clean. Everything was going OK. I got her dressed again in her burka—she wouldn’t wear anything else—and we were walking back to the beach. Anjali went ahead to get Janie to find out what to do. It wasn’t Anjali’s fault—I told her to go. The woman seemed like she was going to behave. “
I inspected the gash in her head. Despite the blood streaming down, it was a pretty minor cut. I held some pressure on it with my shirt. So much for clean laundry. “So what happened?”
“She said she needed to pee,” Joelle continued. “I turned away when she squatted down; I didn’t want to stare. She must have picked up a rock and hit me with it. She ran off that way.” She pointed off to the North, where the land slowly rose toward the rocky highlands.
“Are you OK to walk back to the beach and find Janie?” I asked.
“Yes. I don’t think it’s that bad. She didn’t knock me out. It just hurts.”
I gave her a reassuring hug and a kiss. “Go on back. Keep some pressure on the cut. I’m going to track her down.”
“Be careful!” she said with concern.
“Don’t worry about me. I’m a 4th degree black belt. I think I can handle a zealot in a robe.” I set off at a run in my underwear and sandals, seething.
I have had enough of this goddamned bitch! I was pissed enough at her before, but at least she was harmless and tied up. Now she had hurt someone I cared about, someone who had been helping her, and she was running free on the island. She could get to anyone she wanted, including the kids. I had to find her.
I’m no tracker, but it was pretty obvious she was following a game trail through the thick jungle. You couldn’t travel very far otherwise through the thick underbrush. There were occasional clearings and bare spots, but getting from one to the other was a problem. This worked to my advantage, and I knew I could outrun her. I could tell I was on the right track by the periodic appearance of pieces of broken vegetation. At one point I found pieces of duct tape lying on the ground where she must have torn off her restraints. The trail began climbing into the highlands which ended in cliffs on the north side of the island, according to various scouting parties that had explored the surroundings. More and more rocky areas meant more chances to miss her trail, but the jungle was still thick enough to leave clues as she passed, and I kept up the chase.
I had just climbed up a steep section of trail when I found the ground more level. It seemed the track had reached a plateau. The undergrowth was a little thinner, and large trees a little more separated. I spotted a flash of black ahead as she ran around a large rock formation. I poured on the speed, anxious to catch this evil little cunt.
Unfortunately, she was a little smarter than I gave her credit for. Knowing she couldn’t outrun me, she was hiding on the other side of the rock. As I tore around the corner, she swung a broken tree limb like a bat. Instinct allowed me to bring up a shoulder in the last instant, which may have saved me from a skull fracture. Instead the log glanced off my head, but still with enough force to knock me down, dazed and hurting.
She was on me in a second, clawing me again with her long nails. She raked long gouges down my back and tore the waistband of my shorts with the force of her attack. I threw an elbow into her midriff, knocking the wind from her and giving me a moment to roll away and stand up.
I assumed a fighting stance as she righted herself, brandishing the branch. Initially I tried to hold up my sagging drawers, but I was not going to be able to fight her with one hand, so I simply let them fall and stepped out of them. She stared at me goggle-eyed, then began haranguing me.
“You filthy infidel pig! You expose yourself to me like the animal you are. I will strike a mighty blow for Allah when I strike you down and tear off your manhood with my bare hands!”
“Just fucking try it, you Arab whore! I’m going to kick your ass and drag you back to camp by your hair! Then they’re going to fucking execute your ass! And I’ll hold you down while they do it!” I had never been so mad at anyone in my life. Normally I’m a pretty tolerant guy. Live and let live is my motto, and I’m more of a lover than a fighter. I’ve never hit a woman outside of Tae Kwon Do class, but this bitch was pushing my tolerance to way past its limit. It may have been yesterday’s humiliation that drove me to it, or it may have been pent up rage from being trapped on the island, or maybe the injury to Joelle made the conflict between us more personal. Whatever it was, as I stared into her wild eyes and heard her spewing venom and threats, I decided I was going to teach her a lesson she would never forget. I was going to humiliate her in ways I’d never even dreamed of in my life before this.
“You cunt,” I said evilly. “You pathetic pile of shit. Did your father fuck a goat to produce you, or did your mother lay with camels until you popped out of her festering twat?” I was on a roll now! “Your compadres on the plane were complete losers. They all got themselves killed because you zealots are worthless dogs. Your men have no balls. And you—you’re supposed to be a woman? You’ve never seen a real man in your life, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you act like one of those worthless dipshits instead of a real woman. You disgust me.”
Her eyes bulged and spittle flew from her mouth as she screamed. “I will beat you to death, faithless scum. I will tear your pathetic man parts off and burn them as an offering to the one true god!” She waved the stick at me menacingly.
I was beyond caring at this point. I began pulling on my meat, bringing it to erection, knowing this would incense her. Partly I just wanted to insult her in a way she would find humiliating. Partly I wanted to get her so mad she would lose control; an unbalanced opponent is much easier to defeat. “I’m going to show you what a real man looks like,” I told her. “I’m sure you’ve never seen one before. And you’re so disgusting you’d never get any man hard.” My cock was now rigid, jutting out saucily at her, the head purple and engorged with blood.
She finally snapped, and rushed me in a rage, screaming incoherently. As she swung her club, I ducked and threw a turning back kick right into her midriff. She flew backwards and fell to the ground. I could have finished the fight right then, but I was now enjoying myself in some sick way. I continued to jerk off, smiling, while she caught her breath and rose to her feet. She ran at me again, swinging, and I ducked under the limb yet again and grabbed her burka, throwing her to the ground using her own momentum. Her headpiece ripped off, spilling dark hair all over, and the seam over her shoulder ripped as well, gaping open. She rolled out of the fall and got back to her feet, shaking in rage.
“You evil pig!” she shouted hoarsely. “Allah will strengthen my hand. I will kill you, and then kill the children one by one—the spawn of Satan you harbor on the beach.”
She was so enraged she was completely unaware that her right tit was hanging out of the huge rent in her robe. Her breast was full, and tipped with a fat brown nipple, her heightened state of anger causing it to erect nicely.
“You shameless whore!” I taunted her. “Even now you expose yourself to me like a prostitute. Admit it, you like looking at my manhood.”
She looked down, and color filled her cheeks as she clasped the torn fabric to he chest with her free hand. If anything she became even more angry and determined. “You will not mock me further! Prepare to die!”
She charged again, dropping the torn burka to deliver a mighty two-handed swing of the branch straight down onto my head. Except my head wasn’t there any more, as I slipped aside quickly. The branch thudded onto the ground, and I quickly reached in and tore the burka forcefully, extending the huge rent past her waist. The heavy black robe slipped off her, leaving her completely exposed. I guess she hadn’t bothered to put on anything else after her bath, in her hurry to escape. I wasn’t complaining; she actually had a nice body under the thing. Her figure was curvy but without any extra fat. She had nice full breasts, and the brown nipples were stiff and hard in the midst of her large, puckered brown areolae. Her pussy was hairless, as with most Muslim women, and I guessed she must have gotten laser treatments since she had no stubble after a few days of captivity. What kind of religious nut goes in for laser hair removal? I thought idly. Her gash gaped slightly as she stood spread-legged in the sun, breasts heaving as she gasped for breath. My boner pointed at her cunt like a heat-seeking missile, and I did nothing to hide it.
Her nudity finally took the wind out of her sails. She stood panting, tears of rage and frustration coming to her eyes. “I will still kill you and all of your infidel friends,” she whispered hoarsely. “Perhaps I will torture the whore of a nurse who bathed me like a horse. I have seen how you look at her. You wish to rut with her like an animal. When I am through with her, that is all she will be fit for. You are not even fit for animals, as you are a filthy unbeliever. No real man would expose himself to a woman—a true follower of Allah—such as me. You are nothing and I shall KILL YOU!” With that, she spit at me, then rushed me once more, the sharp branch held in front of her like a sword.
A cold rage filled me. Initially I had wanted just to subdue and humiliate her. Her cruel threats, driven by the warped religion she held to, had now angered me well beyond reason. If she was going to threaten Joelle, not to mention the kids, I was going to teach this bitch a lesson she would never forget. I met the oncoming branch with an outside block and quickly followed with a punch to the solar plexus. She doubled over and fell to the ground, gasping for breath. I tore a strip from her burka and wrapped her wrists together tightly over her head. I then dragged her to a tree and tied her hands to it with the remaining fabric, leaving her on her back. I studied her figure for a moment, aroused in spite of my disgust. How best to make this bitch pay for her crimes, her contempt for anyone who didn’t agree with her sick world view? An evil idea boiled in my brain, the child of rage and disgust.
I dropped to my knees, straddling her torso. My dangling balls rested on her flat belly. I began fondling her heavy tits roughly, pinching the nipples hard, even as she regained her wind.
“You dare not!” she gasped. “I am a pure flower of the true faith. Allah will strike you down if you touch me this way. He will protect me!”
“Nobody’s protecting you, bitch!” I snarled. “You killed men, women, and children. How many of them were Muslim? Do you know? Do you even care? How many wives, husbands, and parents are now bereft of loved ones because of the shit you and your sick friends pulled? You struck someone who was trying to be kind to you. That’s supposed to be what God wants?” I slapped her, hard, rocking her head to the side.
“If your God is the true God, why has he delivered you to me, huh? I think my purpose here is clear. I am your hell. I am your punishment. I am going to visit upon you a tiny bit of the pain you have inflicted on the world. I am the instrument of retribution and I am going to fuck you up!” I was screaming at her now, out of my head entirely. I was going to enjoy myself, humiliating and degrading her the only way I could think of through my fog of rage.
I slapped her again, harder, drawing blood from her lip. She tried to bite my hand, snarling like an animal. With one hand, I held her by her long hair, supporting myself on the other. I leaned over and sucked her nipple into my mouth, savoring the sweaty taste of her stiff teat. I bit down hard on it, not for her pleasure, but to inflict pain. She screamed and squirmed under me, threatening my family, my friends, my world.
Nothing seemed to impact her hatred. I vowed to myself I would break her, whatever it took. I would get her to admit she was wrong, and beg for mercy. I stroked the other tit with my tongue, enhancing her sensitivity deliberately. I worked the brown tip like a porn star, until she was gasping from the feelings shooting through her, then bit down just as hard on that one, causing her to scream again.
“Allah will not protect you. He hates you and despises you. I will bring you pain and degradation until you admit you have done evil and beg for forgiveness. I will be more kind to you if you do so. What you experience is your choice.” I sat up releasing her hair, and began fondling her boobs again, now more gently.
“Do you admit your crimes?”
“FUCK YOU!” she screamed, and tried to bite my arm.
I let her snap at me ineffectually, then grabbed her tits and gave her an industrial-sized purple nurple. She cried out in pain, writhing under me.
“You are good for nothing but a piece of pussy,” I told her in an even voice. “I’m going to use you and throw you away like the garbage you are, unless you show some sign of humanity.”
I slid down until I was straddling her right leg. Her continued squirming only served to massage by balls, now resting on her thigh. I grabbed her left leg and levered it up and away from the other, spreading her wide and exposing her hairless brown cunt. Holding her in this position with one hand, I began roughly massaging her pussy. She cursed me and struggled, but was no match for me in her position. I checked out her spread labia, enjoying the view of her smooth, dark lips, now gaping open to expose the meaty inner labia, almost black in color. Her inner recesses were a bright pink, and as I stroked her up and down, I noticed she was beginning to juice up despite herself. I pulled her hood up off her clit, noting its substantial girth. I flicked it lightly, making her jump and gasp.
“Now that you finally are in the control of a real man, your body betrays you. You know you want me to pleasure you. You wouldn’t have these feelings if I weren’t superior to you. Your whole life has been in the service of evil, and only now do you begin to realize your folly.”
“No!” she screamed. “It is not true! I am of the one true faith! You are inferior. You may not do this to me! I do not desire you.”
I stroked my fingers deeply into her gash, wetting them thoroughly with her honey. I stuck them under her nose.
“Your cunt makes a liar out of you. Your mouth tells falsehoods, but your other lips—they tell the truth.” I brought my hand to my mouth, licking her discharge from my fingers while she watched, horrified. “And it’s the only part of you that’s sweet. You’re forcing me to interact with the only pleasurable part of you.” I slowly slid a finger into her cunt up to the knuckle. Her eyes and mouth opened wide in shock. I began slipping it in and out of her, slowly at first, then faster and faster. Her mouth worked wordlessly, her confusion and loss of certainty in her beliefs evident in her eyes. I added a second finger as her cunny lubed up, and easily slid into her. My prick was raring to go at this point, and I began grinding it against her leg lewdly. She began praying in Arabic as I finger-fucked her.
“Allah can’t hear you,” I told her. “He doesn’t listen to the faithless. You have been following false prophets your whole life. They have told you to embrace hate and forsake love. For your sins you must be the object of pleasure for those you have contempt for. Only by accepting your debasement can you achieve forgiveness.” I was fucking her mind even better than her pussy, I gloated to myself. I was going to break this bitch, no matter what! I wanted her to feel some remorse, to suffer internally, not just at my hands.
Enough! I thought. Time to step it up a notch.
I stood up, withdrawing my gooey fingers from her snatch. She opened her eyes and ceased her chanting. I straddled her torso, then squatted over her face. I held her hair with one hand so she couldn’t bite my cock. Slowly I stroked my rigid wang, pulling the foreskin up over the glans so she could see it. Her eyes were glued to my dick as I massaged it in her face.
“You see this?” I asked softly. “An infidel’s member. An uncircumcised penis. This will be the instrument of your destruction. Allah would never let a faithful woman be defiled in such a way, would he?” I rubbed my rod across her cheek, leaving a streak of wetness. “He has forsaken you because of your evil heart. He brings your downfall in order to force you to realize your failure to remain true to his wishes. Now you must accept the consequences of your deeds.”
I returned to my former position, lifting her leg again. She fought me halfheartedly, but I could see she was becoming distraught that her prayers were not being answered. I lined up my dripping cock with her pink hole, and looking into her wide eyes, slammed it home. She cried out, more in disbelief than pain, since her cunt was well-lubed. She had a nice, tight snatch, but I certainly wasn’t the first one to travel this pleasure trail. I began pumping into her lustily, enjoying myself despite the situation. Tears began leaking from her dark eyes, and she shook with sobs as I fucked her hard.
After a few minutes, her cries were sounding more like moans. It seemed like her body couldn’t help responding to the stimulation I was giving her. I pressed my advantage.
“Even now, Allah sends you a message through your own body. He forces you to feel pleasure in the midst of your service to me. He tells you that you are nothing, a plaything for others to use, with no worth of your own. Can you not see? Admit your wrongdoings; confess your crimes and perhaps he will forgive you.” This was some fucking awful dialogue, I thought, but it was working. Hey, blame it on too many bad movies.
“I have lost my way,” she wailed. “I do not know what is true any more. I was told I would be rewarded for my service. How can Allah allow this if I am in the right?”
“Maybe if you pray to him in the proper manner, he will enlighten you.”
I withdrew my dick from her cunny and roughly flipped her over. “On your knees, whore!” She complied, shivering in fear and confusion, as I untied her hands. I dragged her sideways and pointed her West, telling her, “Now bow to Mecca and pray to your God with all your heart. Ask him if he would ever allow what is about to happen to you if he was pleased with you.”
I forced her forehead to the ground, leaving her round ass levered up at the sky. Kneeling behind her I pulled apart her cheeks to see her glistening slit from the rear. I rammed my meat deep inside her, causing her to cry out again. I smacked her ass cruelly, leaving a red handprint on her cheek. I began pumping into her cunt forcefully, slamming my pelvis into her ass with each thrust.
“Where is Allah?” I screamed at her. “If you are of the true faith, where is he? Ask him to make it stop if he is pleased with you.”
She was crying and chanting prayers in Arabic, snot running down her face, as I abused her.
“Where. Is. Your. God?” I punctuated each word by pounding into her pussy like a pile-driver. I wanted to force her to give in, but I was close to blowing my wad.
Finally she was quiet. She lay there on her knees, face in the dirt, taking her drilling passively. She shook with her sobs. I accelerated my thrusting, rising toward climax. “I am lost!” she wailed in agony. “Allah has left me to damnation. I have been deceived. All I have fought for and believed is a lie. I am yours to use as you wish. I deserve no more than this.”
I had broken the bitch! Savage joy powered my final penetration of her pussy as I unloaded a burning jet of semen into her vagina. I held her hips tightly as I released the last drops of jizz into her, then pulled out. I stood up, leaving her collapsed on the ground, shaking.
“You have perverted every aspect of your faith and made a mockery of your God. He will surely see you in hell for what you have done. I’m glad I was the instrument of your fall. I hope you suffer tenfold for every life you have taken. For every mother now crying for her lost child, every husband grieving for a wife taken from him, I hope an everlasting agony of the soul drags you into a pit of despair. You are not human, and now you know how low you are in the world.”
I wiped her leavings off my pubes and cock with her own burka, and threw it on her. I stepped away to dress, pulling on my shorts, and trying to somehow tie together the waistband to keep them on. I didn’t fear another attack; she was broken. But she did manage to surprise me in another way. While I was distracted, she silently rose to her feet, and ran naked into the trees on the west side of the clearing. I quickly took off after her, but it was too late. I wasn’t sure if she knew what she was doing, or if she ran blindly, but within a few steps she reached the rocky cliffs overlooking the sea. She never even hesitated, just ran full tilt out into the air, and dropped like a stone, silently, onto the boulders at the water’s edge. Her broken body lay at an impossible angle; clearly she was dead. I stood there, stunned. I knew I had destroyed her spirit, but I had had no idea just how completely.
As the red haze of rage slowly dissipated, I realized the enormity of what I had done. I had raped a woman! Yes, she was a mass murderer and had been pure evil, but I had raped her! My god, I was a doctor! I was supposed to help people, not drive them to suicide. I was now questioning everything I thought I knew about myself. Maybe the field hockey players had been right with their first impression of me. Maybe I was a monster and a sick fuck. I slumped to the ground in shock. What was I going to do? How could I face people? How could I face myself? And what had driven me to do such a thing? It seemed so out of character for me, like someone else had taken me over. I didn’t believe in possession, and my religious views were way too casual to allow for the possibility of demons. This must have come from somewhere deep in me.
A strange fog of numbness permeated me, quelling my agony and leaving me utterly blank. Accept. I pondered this. Things happened. We were all instruments of destiny, fulfilling our parts in a grand drama.
For a few seconds, my mind rebelled. Bullshit! I was not some cosmic pawn. I controlled my own destiny. But a heavy pressure suffused my psyche, and I simply could not resist. I was not to blame for what happened. I must accept.
I staggered to my feet, totally devoid of emotion. I almost felt my brain compartmentalizing the memory of what happened. It seemed to subside in importance, taking on a sepia-toned quality in my mind. It was old news. It was irrelevant. I had things to do. I had a life to live. The problem of what to do with the terrorist had been resolved. No one would have to execute her. She had executed herself out of remorse. I slowly trudged back to camp, only half in this world, the rest of me wandering strange paths in my subconscious.
To be continued….