Chapter 7
The next day, I decided to just do what he said.
What did it really matter if I didn’t sit with them all anymore? I was with Jessica before that, and I’d be with her after. What we did at lunch had nothing to do with it. As long as Mike didn’t find out, I didn’t have to worry. She was still mine.
Rather than face my sister, I spent my lunch in the library that day, mindlessly flicking through some psychology textbook I’d picked up. It actually turned out to be a pretty nice distraction, and relief flooded through me when the bell rang out. I was hungry, and still stressed out, but I was safe.
What was the harm, really? It wasn’t the first time I spent lunch at the library, although it had been a few years. It wasn’t that big of a deal.
When I got home, Rose asked me where I’d been. It was still rare for us to talk unless Jessica was around on a Friday or Saturday, so I hadn’t been expecting it. I just told her I’d been at the library, and she immediately lost interest.
==
The day after, I did the same again. I found the same book and continued reading. I’d brought some snacks from home this time, so I wasn’t as hungry.
Barely anything had changed, really. I was alone before, and I was alone now. I could do it, I thought to myself. I just had to ignore Jessica in school, and things would be fine. We could still have our Fridays together, although for some reason the thought of that now filled me with dread.
I kept thinking about the situation and hating myself slightly. I was running away from Mike. I was ignoring my own sister because some muscular asshole got it into his head that I’d turned his girlfriend against him.
And that was really the most irritating thing of all. How the fuck did he know?
Part of me thought it was just dumb luck, a bit of paranoia and anger that just so happened to find the right target. But he had no evidence that I was anything other than what I said I was; just the brother of someone else at the table. Was he really that perceptive? Was he picking up on some…what, like subconscious vibes or something? Or maybe he’d been watching Jessica…and seen the way she was staring at me.
The end of lunch bell shook me from these repeating thoughts.
==
After lunch, I had English. It wasn’t until after class and I saw her approach that I started to panic.
Becky. I had English with her. My only other connection to the group aside from Rose, and I’d completely forgotten.
“Hey.” she said brightly as she walked up to me, stopping me in the hall.
“Hey.” I said back, and tried to walk away.
She fell into pace beside me, and again I started to panic.
We hadn’t talked much, but I’d been unable to get Rose’s suggestion that we get together out of my head. She really was beautiful. She was around 5’5, with light brown skin and amber eyes. She had a very slender figure, her boobs looked like maybe B cups to my untrained eye and they sat perfectly on her frame. She didn’t show a lot of skin, unlike Jessica and Lissie, but her jeans and t-shirt were tight, accentuating the perkiness of her boobs and the round firmness of her ass.
These weren’t observations I just made on the spot, by the way. They were just things that were hard not to notice while being around her for a while.
One thing I did notice in the few seconds we walked in silence was that when the light from the window hit her bright eyes, they seemed to shine like gold.
“So, where’ve you been hiding?” she asked.
I shook my head, trying to stop myself from thinking about her like that. It was bad enough that she was gorgeous, but now she was asking awkward questions. I had some half-truths to spin.
“Oh, you know, just the library.” I said, trying to hide my nervousness.
“Oh yeah? You actually trying to get some work done early for once?” she asked, smiling.
I laughed unexpectedly.
“God no, I’m not that desperate yet.” I said, returning her bright smile.
“Then what are you up to?” she asked.
I shrugged, and regretted painting myself into that corner.
“Actually, I just…” I paused. “I guess I just like to be alone sometimes, you know?”
She cocked her head slightly.
“What, do you not like us or something?” she asked.
She didn’t sound overly offended, but just curious.
“No, it’s nothing like that.” I said quickly, “I just…I don’t know…I value my solitude, I guess you could say.”
She seemed surprised to hear that, for some reason.
I pushed on. These were some thoughts that had been floating around anyway, may as well be honest about them.
“I mean, you guys are great, but there’s just something I like about sitting alone and just reading, or thinking, or whatever.” I said, “Like, I like hanging out with Rose and all you guys, but that doesn’t mean I need to do it all the time, you know? “
She furrowed her brow for a second, as if confused.
“That actually makes a lot of sense.” she said, “In fact, Frank’s said something like that before…about, like, ‘enjoying the silence’ or something. I thought he was just being weird, but you make it sound almost…mature. Sounds like something my dad would say.”
“Mature?” I asked, smiling, “Nah, I just like to get lost in my thoughts sometimes. I guess it is pretty weird…”
She didn’t respond, but just looked at me strangely, as if she was re-appraising her opinion of me. There was an odd feeling of approval from her. I held her gaze for a few seconds before she shrugged and smiled brightly.
“Well, as long as you’re having a good time, I guess.” she said, “Anyway, I’m heading in the wrong direction, so…”
She turned and started walking up the corridor we’d just walked down without saying another word. I let out a sigh of relief. I’d managed to keep Mike a secret, but really there was no reason why anyone should have suspected anything.
But I’d only bought myself limited time. I could keep going to the library, but eventually I was going to have to tell everyone that I just didn’t like them, which I was only now realising wasn’t really true. I enjoyed my lunches with them, and it would suck to have to give them up. I honestly didn’t know what to do.
==
The next day, Thursday, things got a little stressful.
I’d decided to keep avoiding my new social group until I could think of something, but I forgot to bring something from home. I thought I could get some food quickly from the cafeteria and eat it before leaving, but Rose caught up to me in the line.
“Hey little brother.” she called out from behind me.
“Uh…hi.” I mumbled.
Before I knew it, Lissie and Becky were over, and the three roped me into a conversation about some band I barely knew. I kept resisting the urge to glance around me. I didn’t know if Mike was here, or if Jessica was here, and I was just trying to keep my head down. I was feeling incredibly anxious, and I really regretted taking this risk.
They started heading over to the table, and I tried to distance myself.
“Actually, I…I’m going up to the library again today.” I said, trying to keep the nerves out of my voice.
All three stopped and looked at me oddly.
“You have a tray.” said Lissie.
I looked down to find I had indeed grabbed a tray and paid for the food without really paying attention. I hadn’t been thinking, but of course I couldn’t leave now. I tried to make another excuse, while Lissie rolled her eyes and walked to the table with Becky, but Rose didn’t give me a chance.
“What’s wrong with you?” she asked, peering into my eyes.
“Uh…nothing, I…I just…” I stuttered.
“Come on.” she said. “Come sit with us.”
There was a heaviness to her words. This wasn’t just me sitting somewhere else, to her. This would be me making an excuse to reject her, and her friends. She was putting way too much importance on the whole thing, but I could tell that’s what she was thinking.
I looked at the table nervously, and saw Jessica there, watching me. What the hell was I doing? I’d spent years of my life living in fear of Jessica, and that had brought me nothing but loneliness and anger. I’d finally gotten free of that life…was I really just going to let some arrogant dickhead put me back there?
I glanced behind me and didn’t see Mike anywhere.
I took a deep breath, and walked over to the table.
Screw Mike. Screw what he wanted me to do. I could sit where I wanted.
That being said, I barely ate and didn’t pay attention at all to the conversation going on around me. I kept my head down, still praying Mike didn’t see me. What the hell was wrong with me? I kept glancing at the clock at the end of the room, trying to will the hands to move faster.
A few minutes before the bell went, I felt an almost psychic twinge of fear. I looked up and saw Mike glaring at me from across the room, a snarl of rage frozen on his face. My stomach twisted and I almost threw up my food. I kept staring at him until I realised Rose was trying to get my attention.
“Uh, what?” I asked.
“I said, you should come to Josh’s with us tonight. Meet all the guys, have a drink, it’ll be fun.” she said.
Oh right, Josh’s occasional Thursday get-togethers. His mom was apparently often out of the house on Thursday nights, for whatever reason, and so Josh invited a small, consistent group of seniors from a few schools in the area to hang out and drink. I’d never met the guy, but it seemed like half of the group’s stories and in-jokes had originated at one of his parties.
I glanced around. Everyone was looking at me, waiting for an answer. Lissie didn’t seem to care much, nor did Becky, but Derek seemed pretty hopeful. Glancing at Jessica was a mistake.
She had such an incredibly open look of such desperate hope on her face that it took my breath away. For a few seconds, she looked like the only thing she had ever wanted in the world was for me to go to this party. Then she looked away, blushing, as she had every other time I’d met her eye in public these past few weeks.
I sighed. It was her being so open with her emotions that had gotten me into this mess. I mean, maybe.
I could feel Mike’s eyes on me from across the room even now. I didn’t know what I was going to do.
“Sorry, I gotta go.” I said quickly, standing up.
I jammed my hands into my pockets and walked quickly to the other end of the cafeteria, hoping against hope that Mike wouldn’t follow me. I was just blindly fleeing with no plan or purpose. I made it out of the building and sped up, hoping to reach the library before he caught up.
Suddenly I felt a heavy clap on my shoulder.
“Come on.” growled Mike, dragging me to the side.
He walked me back around behind the cafeteria. What could I do? He was obviously faster than me. I couldn’t out run him, God know’s I couldn’t fight him off. I just let myself be led, feeling like a lamb heading towards the slaughter.
In a less poetic sense, it felt exactly like heading into an exam that you knew you hadn’t done enough studying for. The exact same sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach.
We reached the spot, and he slammed me against the wall.
“What did I say, bitch?” he snarled, pressing his meaty hand into my chest.
“Why does it matter?” I blurted out, my voice high and whiny.
“What?” he said, anger darkening his expression further.
“She dumped you, right?” I said, thinking quickly, “What does it matter if I sit with her? I’m not even sitting with her, I’m sitting with my sister!”
I struggled against him, trying to escape his grip. He pushed back hard, pinning me to the wall. Then he slapped me across the cheek.
The sudden explosion of stinging pain shocked me into silence. Suddenly the fear and apprehension I’d been feeling exploded and multiplied. This guy could seriously hurt me.
“Listen, faggot, I don’t care if the only reason you’re at that table is because you want to suck Frank Dorian’s cock. You stay the fuck away from Jessica, you got it?” he growled.
I still hadn’t recovered from the slap, and I felt tears brimming up in my eyes. I briefly thought that I hadn’t known Frank’s last name until just now.
Mike leaned in close, hissing in my ear;
“Don’t go near her again.”
He walked away, leaving me alone. I pushed my back against the wall and slid to the ground. I felt weirdly numb, and I barely registered the sound of the lunch bell coming from the window high above me.
I slowly picked myself up and walked to class, only remembering at the last second where I’d left my books, and having to double back to get them.
The rest of the day passed in kind of a weird shock. I felt mostly numb except for the fear. Why did he scare me so much? He was just a guy. Just some asshole. Yet the feeling of him holding me against that wall, of being utterly helpless…it made me sick to my stomach.
I didn’t know what I was going to do. How could I be with Jessica when I was so afraid of what might happen with Mike?
==
That evening, a few hours after dinner, I was in bed listening to music and trying to ignore my problems, just like always.
I jumped when my door opened and Jessica peeked her head around it. It had been a while since I’d seen her in the house on a Thursday. I took my headphones off.
“Uh, hi. Rose wanted me to ask if you’re coming tonight.” she said.
She seemed unsure of how to act in my room, knowing we couldn’t be our usual selves with Rose just downstairs.
“Uh…” I said. I didn’t know what she meant.
“Josh’s party? Rose wants you to come, and she asked me to ask you…” she nervously brushed her hair behind her ear, “I guess she really wants me and you to be friends. I have to tell you how fun it’s all going to be…” she trailed off, laughing lightly.
She was so nervous around me. She looked at me with such adoration in her eyes, such vibrant hope. But I couldn’t do with any distractions.
“No.” I choked out. “No, I’m not going.”
She looked at me for a second before walking to my bed and sitting down.
“It really will be fun. It’s…I mean, it’s kind of low-key, you know? Just sitting around, listening to music, getting a little tipsy on some cheap beer…it’s a good night.” she said, leaning closer to me.
“No thanks. Not my thing.” I said.
She put her hand on my shoulder and wrapped her other around my arm.
“Come on…” she said coaxingly, “It’ll be great, I promise.”
From nowhere, rage built up inside me and exploded to the surface. How dare she disobey me? How dare she even touch me without my permission?
I pulled roughly away from her, getting off the bed.
“Get the fuck off me, slut.” I growled, “Don’t fucking cling to me, you’re always so clingy.”
The words had no real meaning behind them, to me. I just wanted to hurt her.
“I…I’m sorry, Sir.” she said quietly, standing with me.
But her voice had a certain tone to it that I recognised. She’d slipped into submissive mode, and it was obvious I’d excited her a little bit.
“That turned you on, didn’t it? God, Jessica, aren’t you embarrassed to act like this? Doesn’t it humiliate you to talk like that?” I said, my voice dripping with acid.
Her eyes widened in shock. She struggled to answer, pulling back from me slightly.
“It’s pathetic, Jessica.” I said, staring into her eyes.
She acted like I’d slapped her for a second, then anger suddenly flared across her expression, that familiar look that I used to fear so much.
“You think I don’t know that?” she asked, “You think I don’t look at myself and just…Of course it’s pathetic…it’s disgusting, the way I act around you…”
She hesitated for a second, and her expression softened. She looked down, unsure of herself.
“But…but it’s Ok, right? Because…because it’s what I want…” she stepped closer to me, “Because I’m a…I’m your…slut, and…I love you.”
My anger ignited again, spewing out of me.
“You love this!” I shouted, roughly grabbing my crotch, “You love my cock. You’re a slut that just loves to be fucked, and you don’t give a shit about me!”
“That’s not true!” she said, “I love you, I do…You own me and I love you.”
She lurched forward to grab me, but I slapped her hand away. She stopped, and there was a second of heated silence.
“Get the fuck out, Jessica.” I ordered roughly.
She stared at me, tears brimming in her eyes. I kept her gaze and I could feel my own rage pouring out of me in waves. She faltered, and quickly left, slamming the door behind her.
I felt my breath and pulse quicken, and another wave of hot molten rage and frustration burned up inside me. I grunted and growled at nothing, slamming my fists down on my desk over and over. It hurt, but I didn’t care.
I knew why I’d lashed out at her. It wasn’t Jessica I was angry at.
Mike.
The name echoed in my head and his stupid, smug face flashed in my memory. Except it wasn’t fear I felt this time, it was just more rage.
Fuck him. Fuck him and his strength, and his size, and his domineering will.
I was going to deal with him tomorrow. Friday. Then I’d force Jessica down that night and make her scream with pleasure and pain in a way he never could.
I slowly settled my nerves, and tried to think of a solution.
==
Unfortunately, the next day came and I still didn’t have one. I’d thought about it all night, but there was nothing I could think of. It went without saying that no teachers would be involved, and although I guessed Frank could probably take him in a fight, I wasn’t about to drag some people I barely knew into saving my ass for me.
I’d settle this myself.
I was still mulling the problem over when I walked into Math the next afternoon, the period before lunch. I thought that I had one last class to think this through when I looked up and saw Mike sitting in his usual seat staring out the window. Of course, he was in my Math class.
I sat down in the opposite corner and felt adrenaline suddenly pump into my veins. I gritted my teeth as my anger flared up again. Just thinking about him pissed me off.
Whatever I was going to do, I was going to do it now.
I turned to look at him. Ms Kallis was rambling on about something in her timid little voice, and he wasn’t even paying attention. But then, neither was I.
I wanted him to look at me. I was going to confront him today. Right now. I was done with feeling like a scared little boy.
As I glared at the back of his head, he suddenly turned and caught my eye. He looked puzzled for a second, probably taken aback my angry expression. I quickly raised my middle finger to him and held it there, watching as the fury and surprise lit up his face. He looked like he wanted to beat my ass in the middle of the classroom.
Well, why wait?
I made a jerking motion with my head towards the door. I was calling him out.
“Ms Kallis?” I said, raising my hand.
She looked up at me, surprised at the interruption.
“Uh…yes?”
“I need to go to the bathroom.” I said standing up, not waiting for an answer.
She nodded meekly as I walked towards her, and left through the door on her right. I dug my hands into my pockets and hurried along the corridor to the male bathroom. I walked in to the small room, only containing a few urinals and one stall, as well as two sinks. I walked to the centre of the room, in front of the sinks with my back to the cubical wall, and turned to face the door.
I could see myself in the mirrors over the sinks. I didn’t look ready for this. I looked afraid. And my eyes widened further in terror as I heard heavy footsteps approach the door.
Suddenly it burst open, and the huge bulk of Mike stormed in.
“You!” he growled, and lunged forward.
He punched me squarely in the chest, hard. I felt the breath being pushed out of me, and a deep pain shocked my body. I stumbled backwards and slammed against the cubical.
“What the fuck, faggot!? You wanna go?” he exclaimed angrily.
I regained my footing, and stared into his eyes.
“Fuck you.” I said, my voice sounding surprisingly steady.
He bellowed with rage and lashed out again, delivering a crashing blow to the ribs on my right, and another to my still painful chest. I didn’t try to dodge, or defend myself in any way. I couldn’t. He was too big, too fast. He’d probably beaten up a hundred guys like me for fun, and I’d never even thrown a punch. So I took the hits, and was once again thrown back against the cubical, crashing hard against it and causing it to shake and clatter. Before I could get my footing, he threw another punch out that smashed into my mouth.
The pain was intense and it shook me to my bones, but I gritted my teeth. I wasn’t going to let myself be beaten by this. I wasn’t going to be controlled and dominated by some needle dicked asshole.
I told myself that he was nothing as I took another shaky step towards him, righting myself.
“What have you got to say for yourself now, bitch?” he asked smugly.
I took a deep breath, which was incredibly difficult.
“Fuck. You.” I panted.
Once again, an animalistic rage exploded across his features. It was almost comical, in a way. His handsome face suddenly shifting to an almost cartoonishly exaggerated look of pure anger. I barely saw his fist as it flew towards my face. Intense pain exploded against my mouth again and I reeled backwards, barely reaching the wall before losing my footing and falling to the ground. I slid down part of the way down before landing heavily on my ass.
My vision was blurred for a few seconds, and I took another deep breath as it cleared.
Was that it?
I suddenly, and unexpectedly let out a little laugh. Just a tiny little chuckle in the back of my throat. I was facing what I’d been afraid of, and it was just this. Just pain. The sick sense of dread that had been boiling up inside me was gone. This is what I was afraid of?
I suddenly laughed again, a few sharp barks.
A wave of euphoria suddenly washed over me.
Mike was so…stupid. He was like a toddler throwing a tantrum, throwing out his tiny fists because he was angry at the big wide world. It was his only power, I realised. He had nothing else. He could hurt, and that was it. His entire basis of control over me was something that could be easily mimicked by a 10 year old girl with a heavy enough blunt object.
It was just pain.
This is all he could do to me? This is all he was? This was nothing. I’d probably inflicted ten times this amount of pain on Jessica, and she was in fucking love with me. And he wanted to chase me away with just this?
The thought was so ridiculous that I laughed again, and then kept on laughing. I struggled to my feet, unable to stop the increasing spasms of laughter from racking my body. It was so loud, and it seemed to echo off the clean, white walls. It became almost hysterical as I finally stood, and I had to hold myself against the cubical wall to stop from falling again.
There are times in life when you just laugh, without really knowing why. For whatever reason, something will just seem unbelievably hilarious to you, so hilarious that your laughter is frantic, almost painful. The kind of laughter that makes you honestly fear for your life for a second, just because of how hard is to draw a full breath.
That was the kind of laughter I was shaking with then, desperately clinging to that cubical wall, staring at what seemed to be the most stupidly weak and hilariously impotent thing I’d ever seen. He just glared back, uncomprehending. It was like something inside me had been knocked loose. There wasn’t a trace of fear left in me. Not for this moron. Not for all the pain he could inflict.
I looked away, and finally started to get my breath back, a few giggles and moans still rising up as I swallowed and tried to get myself under control. My whole torso hurt, and there were honest to God tears in my eyes.
I looked up at him. A few more giggles escaped as I watched him. He was so confused, so utterly perplexed by my reaction. He’d probably beaten a few guys to tears in his time, but never because they were laughing so hard at him.
“Oh Mike…” I gasped, still fighting the laughter, “Fuck you.”
Anger jumped across his features again, the same look, so stupid and predictable, so ridiculously obvious. I laughed again, trying so hard not to be swept away by it, and he hesitated.
“What are you gonna do, tough guy?” I asked, giggling.
My lip hurt when I talked, but I ignored it.
“You gonna punch me again?” I said, mockingly, “You gonna knock a few teeth out this time?”
He didn’t say anything, but the look of utter confusion spread over his dumb features, and I smiled so widely that my lips were hurting. I glanced in the mirror and realised that, no, my lip was sore because it was bleeding.
My bottom lip had a thin trail of blood running from it. I slowly licked it up, and was reminded of my first time with Jessica.
Our first kiss had tasted like blood.
I laughed at the memory. I’d made Jessica cry that day, and now I owned her. This asshole could do nothing to me.
“Fuck you, Mike.” I said, staring into his eyes.
He looked panicked, and pulled his fist back to punch me again. I didn’t flinch. I wanted him to do it. I honestly thought it would be funny for him to hit me again, to lash out like a little baby. This was probably the first time in his life that punching wasn’t going to fix the problem.
“You really think you can take me?” said Mike, nervousness tainting his otherwise strong voice.
I chuckled again. Was fighting literally all he thought about?
“Oh no, Mike. I couldn’t possibly take you.” I caught his eye again, and he took another step backwards, “You’re so big and so strong. You could do anything you wanted to me.”
I took a step towards him and raised my chin, leaving it open for an attack.
“So go for it.” I said.
I was resigned to the pain. He could hit me and hit me all we wanted, but I wouldn’t bow to him.
But he didn’t move a muscle. He finally dropped his raised arm.
“Oh?” I said, my smile widening, “Not going for the face? What’s next, then? You gonna break my arms next? Hm? Fuck it, why not just go for the legs too?”
I took a step towards him, and he took a step back. He was afraid of me. I could see it in his face, in his eyes. Suddenly it wasn’t so funny anymore.
Now I was angry.
“And what if crippling me doesn’t work?” I asked. My voice sounded strangely deep, and seemed to suddenly echo in the small room in a way it hadn’t just a second ago.
“What if you break every bone in my body and the first words formed by my shattered jaw are; ‘Fuck. You. Mike.'” I said, taking another step towards him.
He backed up and hit the wall. I could see everything running through his idiot little brain. Violence wasn’t going to solve this problem, and he had nothing else to work with. He could literally destroy me with his fists, but all it took was something unexpected to scare him into inaction. If I didn’t fear his punches, then what power did he have?
“What then, Mikey?” I asked darkly, “Are you going to…kill me?”
I took another step towards him, leaving only a few inches between us.
“Because you’ll have to. It’s important that you know that. You’ll have to kill me, Michael. Because I’d rather die than be controlled by someone like you.”
As I said the words, I saw this whole situation in a more objective light. This was just a bit of school yard bullying, a stupid play at dominance, but I’d flat out told him I’d give my life for it. It was stupid. My hysterical laughter, my taunting of him, it suddenly all seemed like too much. I was sobering up from whatever had prompted my hysterics.
But at the same time I knew I meant it. Because that’s who I was. This was just dominance and submission, like I played with my little slut every Friday night. But in exploring things with her, I now understood this side of me. My dominant side. Submitting to him had made me feel sick, and this moment, standing too close to him, looking up into his eyes and knowing he feared me…it was intoxicating. It didn’t sexually arouse me like it did with Jessica, but it had a familiar and delicious flavour to it.
The taste of taking a strong will and forcing it to bend.
It was beautiful.
“You’re…you’re crazy!” Mike exclaimed, “You’re fuckin’ nuts!”
The wound on my lip wasn’t deep, and would probably close up in a few minutes, but warm, metallic tasting liquid had been filling my mouth while we stared each other down. I turned my head sharply and spat a mouthful of blood into the sink.
I looked back at him, and I smiled.
“Maybe I am…but it’s good that you know it.” I said.
I hadn’t laid a finger on him, but I’d won. I could see it in his eyes, the livid fear, the complete incomprehension of what I was doing and why. Without even touching him, I’d dominated him.
I turned my back on him and approached the mirror, wetting my fingers under the tap and wiping away the drying blood from my chin. The tension was broken slightly, our gaze lost. He let out a deep breath, and I let myself relax.
It was over.
“Jesus…I guess you’re really into Jessica, huh?” he said nervously.
I wiped my lip with the back of my hand and looked at him. He swallowed loudly. It honestly took me a few seconds to figure out what he’d said, or why it was at all relevant.
“This has nothing to do with Jessica.” I said, as if that was obvious. “This is between you and me. You’re trying to control me, and I’m telling you that it isn’t going to happen.”
He didn’t have a response to that. He just looked at me, unsure of what to think. Was I really the first person that hadn’t cowered at his violence, his strength? Was I the first person to look in to his eyes without fear, not because I was bigger or stronger than he was, but simply because I wasn’t afraid of the pain?
I mentally shrugged. It didn’t matter. This thing with Mike was over, as far as I was concerned. He was just an idiot. I was going to sit with Jessica every day if I wanted. I could take her to his house and fuck her on his bed if I felt like it. He couldn’t stop me. Unless he killed me.
“Get the fuck out.” I ordered.
There was no meek little whimper of consent, no little bow or “Yes, Sir.”, but I didn’t need a clearer sign of his submission than him just turning and walking out of the room.
I turned to the mirror, and smiled at myself. I watched my reflection frown, and lift up his t-shirt, revealing two dark bruises on his torso.
I touched them both tenderly. One just below my chest, a wide and dark one where he’d hit me twice. And a smaller, but darker one along my right ribcage. They hurt, but they’d heal. The pain was weirdly easy to ignore
I guess that’s one way to find out you have a high tolerance for pain.
I kept looking at myself after I lowered my shirt. I looked different. Not just because the right side of my lip was starting to bruise and swell slightly…it was something about how I stood.
I was taller, I realised. I’d spent my whole adolescence to this point with my shoulders hunched and my hands in my pockets, just like 90% of guys my age. I shuffled around, making myself look small. I’d always looked like a victim, basically. Guys like Mike had the confidence, the swagger.
It was just a matter of posture, really, I thought with a smile.
My shoulders were squared now, and they looked broader. My back was straight, and there was a sharpness in my eye, a confidence to my expression that I wasn’t used to seeing.
“I like to dominate people,” I said to myself quietly. “I guess this is what a Dominant man looks like.”
I smirked, and made for the door.
What was, impossibly, only minutes before, I’d scurried through that door like a frightened mouse.
I strode out feeling like a god.
My skin was practically buzzing as I made my way back to class. When I opened the door every eye was on me, which didn’t bother me in the slightest. My social anxiety from even yesterday felt stupid and childish. The collective gasp of shock from the room was another matter, however.
“Holy shit!” someone exclaimed, and there was a general stunned silence.
“What happened to you!?” asked Ms Kallis, her eyes wide with shock.
Oh, right. My lip.
I looked over to where Mike sat, trying to sink down into his chair. Not easy for a guy his size. A few of my classmates followed my gaze and turned to look. Ms Kallis did the same and when she saw Mike, the look of fury on her face startled me.
Ms Kallis was one of the kindest and sweetest teachers I’d ever had. She was a fairly young Asian woman, couldn’t have been out of her twenties yet. She was so petite and cute that most of the guys did whatever she wanted, and she was so nice that most of the girls felt like bitches for being mean to her or disobeying her. Like kicking a puppy, I’d heard it described.
I’d never once seen her look so very bloodthirsty.
“I fell.” I said loudly.
I spoke from the chest, in what I liked to think of as my new “dominant voice.” Everyone looked to me, shocked. I looked at Mike again, and he was paralysed with fear.
“I just slipped in the bathroom.” I said, smiling and turning to Ms Kallis. “Pretty stupid, right?”
I turned and walked to my seat and every eye followed me. Ms Kallis just watched me for a few seconds, her eyes darting between me and Mike. Eventually she seemed to make an internal decision, and continued the lesson.
I tried to pay attention, but it was hard not to notice the pointed looks and whispers. It was a long class, but I knew lunch was next. I’d go and claim my prize, small as it was. Sitting with Jessica and my sister. Something I’d barely even wanted a few weeks ago, but was now apparently willing to die for. I blushed slightly as I thought about how overly dramatic I’d been with Mike. Well, it was more about the principle of the thing.
As soon as the bell rang, a few people flocked to my desk.
“What happened with you and the big dude?” asked a skinny Latino boy that I didn’t know.
Mike was already making a beeline for the door, and was out of the room before I could even think of an answer.
“Nothing, I fell.” I lied, smiling.
“No way, he followed you in there, and now you’re all beat up.” This came from a pretty brunette girl with big blue eyes.
I shrugged.
“I saw him in there, but we didn’t even talk.” I lied.
There was no reason to involve anyone else in this.
“Then why did he look so afraid when he came back in?” asked another girl, this one a short blonde with thick rimmed glasses.
“Ask him.” I said, then pushed passed them. I strode out into the corridor and headed towards the cafeteria.
I was completely unused to all this. Why did anyone care what happened between me and Mike? But then of course I remembered everything I’d learned about my fellow seniors in these past two weeks, and how I’d learned it. Gossip.
On my way to the cafeteria, I noticed something that almost made the whole ordeal worth it for this alone. As I walked, people seemed to naturally shift out of my way as I needed them to. As someone who had been doing the avoiding my whole life, this little thing, seeing people weave out of my way while completely unaware of any changes, was pretty exhilarating. Was that some sort of psychological thing? Maybe we move out of the way of those who we think aren’t going to move for us, and my new confidence gave out that sort of vibe. It was just a theory, but I liked it.
==
I was the last to sit down at our table with my food, and got a general non-committal greeting from everyone else, each of them barely looking at me then doing ridiculous double-takes when they saw my face.
“What happened to you?” screeched Rose.
I shrugged and started eating.
“I fell.” I said.
“Shit, are you bleeding?” asked Lissie.
“What happened?” repeated Rose.
Silence fell over the table as they waited for an answer.
“It’s fine.” I said, smiling, “I slipped and smacked my face on a wall, it was stupid and I’d like to…not talk about it, thanks.”
Derek and Rose laughed together at my story, instantly believing it. Lissie rolled her eyes and went back to her phone, and Becky just shrugged and turned to talk to Frank.
I realised that I still hadn’t looked at Jessica, and I braced myself for it.
She actually just looked sad, her own lip pouting outwards as if in sympathy. Then I saw Mike walking across the room behind her.
As if sensing my eyes on him, he suddenly looked over at me. I gave him a little nodding greeting, and his eyes widened in confusion, and I hoped fear. I smirked, and turned back to my food.
“Mike.” said Jessica suddenly, spinning her head back to look at me.
She’d seen our exchange, and put the pieces together.
“Did he do this to you?” she asked accusingly, fury rising on her face.
“I…No, I just…” I stuttered, panicking.
The others turned to look at me, surprised. Lissie raised her eyebrow at Jessica, but the others looked to me.
“That…fucker!” Jessica growled, “He did this, didn’t he? I’ll fucking kill him.”
“Jessica.” I said, raising my voice slightly.
“Tell me he did this.” she said, a too familiar venom reaching her voice, “If he did this I’ll fucking…”
“Jessica!” I said, putting the full power into my voice.
It seemed to startle her, and she fell silent. I looked her dead in the eye, something I’d been avoiding doing in public, and saw a little taste of fear and submission creep into her expression.
“Drop it, now.” I growled.
Her expression instantly softened. I’d given her an order, and for a second she forgot where she was.
“Yes Sir.” she said lightly.
Her eyes widened in panic, and before anyone else could react, she hissed,
“Your fucking Highness.”, sarcasm dripping from her tones.
No one else seemed to notice, but they started to ask questions.
“It’s not a problem, guys, Ok? Mike had nothing to do with this, I just fell. Stop being weird.” I said, trying to lighten the mood.
Everyone seemed less satisfied with that answer this time, but except for Jessica they all seemed content enough to drop it.
==
When the lunch bell rang, I headed to my locker quickly, hoping to avoid any more questions from Jessica. As I was switching out my books, I felt an eerily massive presence behind me. I turned quickly to find Frank staring down at me. He was taller than Mike, and maybe even bulkier, but I felt none of the malice or threat from him that I had from Mike.
Frank and I had never spoke alone, and I really didn’t know what to expect.
“Do you need help with Mike?” he asked, his low voice rumbling in his chest.
The question startled me, and I frowned at him.
“Thanks, but it wasn’t…”
I trailed off. For some reason it seemed stupid to lie to him right then.
“No. I don’t need your help.” I said firmly.
His expression barely changed, he just nodded and said,
“Let me know if that changes.”
He turned to walk away.
“Thanks.” I said impulsively.
He turned back and smiled at me, but didn’t stop and was soon gone.
I shook my head. Frank was a weird guy. He didn’t ask if it was really Mike that did it, nor did he take it upon himself to enact vengeance like Jessica seemed to want to. He just asked if I needed help.
Weird guy, but a good one.
I closed my locker, and turned to find Jessica standing in front of me. She looked angry, and a little scared.
“What?” I asked harshly.
She’d almost revealed our relationship to everyone, completely by accident.
“I want to know what really happened.” she said.
I sighed, and tried to walk past her. She moved in front of me, something she used to do to block my escape from her torment for years. The familiar action caused my anger to burst forth, but it was easily repressed.
“Did Mike hurt you?” she asked.
“We’ll talk about it tonight.” I said.
Her eyes widened at that.
“Tonight?” she asked hopefully.
I looked around briefly, seeing that everyone else had headed to class. We were completely alone in the small locker area.
I reached forward and grabbed her ass, then quickly pulled her into a fierce kiss. She moaned with surprise, and then lust as my tongue ravaged hers. My lip hurt, but I ignored it. It was worth it.
I pulled back and squeezed her ass harder.
“Tonight.” I grunted. “Now get to class.”
I turned and walked away, not waiting to see her reaction.
===
That night, I was so ready for her. My mind was buzzing with lust. After that impulsive kiss at school, it had taken almost half an hour to convince my cock not to grow to full hardness in the middle of class. I needed to see her again, to own her.
She knocked at around midnight, and I told her to come in. She stood at the door wearing what I now realised was my favourite thing to see her in; the black negligee, the first thing she’d bought just for me.
She looked apprehensive, which was understandable given how our last conversation had gone. We stared at each other for a long few seconds, neither of us wanting to break the silence. As much as I wanted her, I had to make this last. This was about domination, not just sex.
“Strip.” I said.
She jumped at my voice, but quickly obeyed. I almost groaned out loud at the sight of her beautiful naked body. I wanted her more than I ever had.
“Come here.” I said.
She walked over and hesitated beside the bed, before leaning over and sliding under the covers. She looked confused. This was the first time I hadn’t asked her to kneel first. I pulled the covers off the bed behind me, leaving her naked and me in just my boxers. Her eyes were wide, and she looked almost fearful as I moved closer to her. She seemed to be cowering away from me, her big breasts pressed together by her arms, which were crossed over her stomach.
I took her by the chin, and pulled her into a kiss. Our lips met, and I slid my tongue into her mouth. For once, she didn’t respond with her usual fierceness. She hesitated, her tongue meekly resisting mine. I pulled back from her and looked into her eyes.
Why was she holding back? I kissed her again, roughly this time, forcing my tongue between her lips. I pulled on her hair and she whimpered into me. It wasn’t until I bit down hard on her bottom lip that she finally responded, moaning with lust and pulling herself towards me.
When I looked at her again I found a dark and lustful smile playing across her lips. I quickly straddled her and pulled her into another kiss. I ran my fingers down her sides and dug my thumbs into her slender hips, and she thrust her body against mine. My cock was already hard, but I wanted to play with her before going any further. I wanted to hurt her more. No sooner had I thought this when I was surprised with a sudden burst of pain.
My bottom lip, which was no longer swollen but still sore, suddenly exploded with pain as I felt her teeth sink into it. I pulled quickly away, scowling. I ran my thumb along the heat I felt on my chin, and it came back stained with blood. She’d opened the wound caused by Mike.
She was obviously terrified at what she’d done, and I knew it was an accident. I slowly licked at my lip and thought again about the day I’d lost my virginity to her, and how I’d hurt her then.
Just as I’d been thinking of a reason to punish her, she gave me one. I couldn’t help but smile as I grabbed her roughly by the hair and led her to the side of the bed. She didn’t resist, but immediately started to apologise.
“I didn’t…I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you!” she whimpered.
I sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her over my knees. I grabbed her ass hard, digging my fingers in and hoping that she’d bruise.
“You made me bleed, slut.” I hissed.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry!” she gasped, panicked.
I spanked her hard. Her whole body leapt forward, and she squirmed on top of me. I pulled her hair as I unleashed a rain of blows against her firm, toned ass. She cried out in pain, but she didn’t say a word to try and stop me. I tried to hit her harder each time, and my steady rhythm got faster and faster. I didn’t want her to count. I didn’t want a slow, torturous punishment.
I wanted her to hurt, right now.
The adrenaline coursed through me as I made her scream. Despite my anger, I was still smiling. This is what I wanted.
I am a Dominant, I thought to myself. I am a Sadist.
I’d been aware of these traits revealing themselves inside me, but I was still getting used to the idea of these labels being applied to me, even in my own head. To have a beautiful naked woman across my knee, shaking with pain and humiliation as I disciplined her like I would a child…that moment, and so many before it just felt so perfect.
After making sure her ass was bright pink all over I grabbed her again, squeezing hard. My own hand was burning in pain, but I barely felt it. I could embrace pain like this, accepting it until it didn’t matter. Something Mike had taught me.
I finally stopped and leaned back, trying to catch my breath.
“On your knees.” I grunted.
She shakily got to her feet, only to sink to the floor between my legs. She stared up at me, her eyes wide. She wasn’t crying yet, I noticed. Well, I had all night to change that.
I grabbed her by the hair and pulled her close to me.
“You said you wanted to be a good girl.” I said, my anger tainting my voice.
“I’m sorry…I did…I do!” she said, closing her eyes in pain.
“Look at me.” I ordered softly, taking her by the chin.
Her eyes shot open and stared into mine.
“Good girls don’t make me bleed!” I growled, digging in with my fingers.
I slapped her hard, but still not hard enough to leave a lasting mark.
“I’m sorry!” she gasped, not even trying to struggle. “Please, I’m sorry!”
“On the bed.” I said roughly.
She hurried to her feet and on to the bed.
She was on her back with her legs spread wide. I grabbed her wrists and pushed her arms up over her head, holding them there with my left hand.
“Who owns this body?” I asked, viscously grabbing one of her soft tits with my other hand.
“You! You own me!” she breathed.
I tightened my grip and smiled as she pushed herself up and against my hand, even as she moaned with pain.
She sighed with relief as I released her tit and slid my hand down her stomach. Her pussy was soaking wet. I slid two fingers inside and stroked her from within.
“And who owns this slutty, dripping, cunt?” I growled, pumping my fingers into her, hard.
She struggled against my grip for a second, shaking and moaning.
“You! It’s…ahhh…it’s yours!” she moaned.
I pushed her wrists harder into the bed and curled my fingers inside her. I briefly wished that I had more experience at this, so I’d be able to properly tease her with my fingers, but I barely knew what I was doing down there. I tried a few different things, twisting, and turning, and pumping inside her, watching her groan, and growl, and bite the hell out of that bottom lip. I was trying to ignore everything but her reactions.
This went on for a few minutes until she suddenly gasped and pushed her hips forward, eyes shooting open. I tried to recreate whatever I’d done, and soon got the same effect. It seemed that if I pushed hard with a circular motion on the right spot inside her, it drove her crazy. I kept at it, twisting my fingers and wrist to keep up the pressure, ignoring the discomfort in my hand. She was staring into my eyes now, and I knew she was close to the edge.
“Sir! I…Oh God!” she yelled, “I’m…fuck! Please! I’m…I’m gonna…!”
She was too close to even beg, and I smirked as the pleasure took her. She opened her mouth wide and let out shaking moans as she came. Her hot pussy gripped against my fingers and her juices covered my palm.
She let out a wail of pleasure as her orgasm continued. She looked so fucking incredible. I gripped her wrists tight and impulsively bit down on her shoulder. She jumped, then gasped as I licked where I’d hurt her, and I tried to move my fingers even faster. I bit her again as I felt her orgasm fade, and I slowed my fingers to a gentle stroking motion.
I released her wrists and instead grabbed her hair again. As she opened her mouth to groan with pain, I quickly shoved the fingers that had just been inside her into her mouth. She didn’t hesitate to lick and suck on them, whimpering as she was forced to taste herself.
I slid my fingers out and roughly grabbed her chin.
“Naughty little slut.” I growled. “You didn’t have permission for that, did you?”
“I’m sorry.” she mumbled, hampered by my grip, “I’m sorry, Sir!”
I pulled back from her and got to my knees. Her body was glistening, and her thighs were soaked. Her huge, perfect breasts. Her flat stomach and slender hips. Her bright green and fearful eyes. At that moment, she was the most intensely erotic thing I’d ever seen.
Her hips thrust forward the slightest bit as she stared up at me, and she let out the smallest of whimpers. I could tell she’d just felt an aftershock from her orgasm.
My heart was pounding in my chest, and my cock was trying to rip through my underwear. I wanted her so badly. To pin her down and sink myself into her, to use her for my pleasure.
But I still had to punish her.
I knew that if I had the self control to resist her body in that moment, then I’d be able to do anything.
I took a deep breath and tried to quiet my lust. I smiled, which seemed to scare her even more.
“On your knees.” I said calmly.
She turned quickly and presented her ass to me. I reached over her and grabbed the belt. She hadn’t noticed, but I’d left it wrapped around the metal bar of my headboard, coiled in the centre in a single black stripe. She looked up and watched me un-hook it, her eyes wide with fear. I slowly unfurled it and took it into my hands.
“Count to…” I said slowly.
She visibly tense, waiting for the verdict.
“Ten.” I said.
She squeaked with fear and tensed even further. I couldn’t help but laugh at her. My voice sounded alien to me. So dark. So cruel.
I folded the belt and tapped it lightly against my left hand. On impulse, I snapped down hard against my left forearm, embracing the burst of pain. The sound caused her to jump again, and again I laughed.
“You came without my permission.” I said. “And you made me bleed.”
I already spanked her for that, but I was originally only going to give her five lashes for the orgasm. This would count for that too.
“I’m sorry, Sir. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.” she babbled.
“I know.” I said.
“Punish me.” she said, surprising me. “I’m sorry Sir, please punish me.”
Without waiting, I snapped the belt across her perfect ass. She jumped and gasped, letting out little whimpers.
The first and only time I’d used the belt, I’d just lost it with her, not counting or controlling myself at all. I had no idea how much of this she could withstand, but it was obvious that spanking with my hand wasn’t going to push her to the same depths the belt had. And I wanted to see that again.
“One.” she whispered, breaking my train of thought.
I immediately lashed out again, grunting with exertion. There was already a dark red stripe forming where I’d hit her the first time, and a second began to join it. She only waited for around 10 seconds before going again.
“Two.” she said.
I struck lower this time, hitting the top of her right thigh. Again she leapt forward, but quickly moved back into place. When she spoke again, her voice was heavy and dream-like. She was quickly reaching that strange daze that submission and pain brought her to.
“Three.” she said clearly.
I matched my last stroke, on her left thigh this time. She didn’t move after this hit, and barely made a sound.
She went on like this, barely reacting to my steady, measured lashes, until she reached stroke number seven. I hit her and she immediately leapt up onto her knees, lunging forward to grab my headboard. She’d done this the first time I’d spanked her, I remembered.
“Jessica,” I said, keeping my voice calm and even, “Do you need me to stop?”
I knew that she’d refuse.
“No, Sir.” she gasped, “I can do it. I can do it.”
“Then get down.” I hissed.
I grabbed her hair and pulled her backwards, forcing her head back down onto the bed. Her face was turned to the side, her eyes were closed. She hadn’t started crying. This annoyed me, weirdly.
“Seven.” she said.
I took my position. I’d been holding back before, not sure how much she could take. This time I twisted my body back and slammed the belt against her with a new force.
She lifted her head up an gasped loudly, her mouth open wide. The pain was obviously intense.
I grabbed her and forced her back down to the bed.
“Eight.” she sighed dreamily.
Again I attacked her with force, and this time she didn’t move. She let out a long, loud moan that ended with the word;
“Nine.”
This was the last one. I had to make it count.
I whipped her as hard as I could. Her breath caught in her throat, and I saw her start to relax.
“Don’t you dare move.” I growled.
She stiffened again, and held the position.
“Ten.” she whimpered.
Her whole body was quivering lightly, and her face was still pressed against my pillows. She hadn’t cried, but her eyes were open and dazed. She looked almost high on the sensation of being punished.
I grabbed her bruised ass with both hands, causing her to whimper with pain, and ground my crotch against hers from behind. Her pussy was dripping wet, and I could feel the heat and moisture through my underwear as I pushed my bulge against her.
“What a slutty little cunt.” I hissed, “I think this little cunt needs to be filled, don’t you?”
She didn’t answer at first, but started to sway her hips back and forth, running her flushed lower lips back and forth over my cloth-covered cock.
I leaned over her, pressing my body against hers and pushing my bulge harder against her. I grabbed her hair again.
“Answer me, slut.” I said, twisting.
“Sir…” she gasped.
She continued to writhe and sway her hips, and I could feel the front of my boxers being soaked in her juices.
“Listen to me, whore.” I growled, “Tell me what you want.”
“I want it!” she gasped.
“What do you want?” I asked, lightly slapping her face.
“I want to be fucked…fucked like a…like a whore!” she confessed.
That word had slipped out by accident, and I really hadn’t expected her to accept it so easily. So now she was a whore too, as well as a slut.
“Good girl.” I said.
I pulled all the way back from her and pulled the waist band of my boxers down. My rock hard erection sprang out, already leaking pre-cum from the tip. Without any further delay, I pushed the head against her dripping pussy lips.
I dug my fingers into her hips as I thrust into her, and I knew something was different.
“Oh my God!” Jessica shouted as more of me entered her, “You’re so…thick!”
She was right. Her pussy was so incredibly tight in this position, much more than I’d expected it to be. I was grunting with genuine exertion as I forced myself into her. Her pussy felt like a hot, wet fist gripping around my shaft.
After more hard pushing, I finally filled her. She continued clenching her pussy around my shaft, sighing with pleasure each time.
“I’m gonna cum.” she said quickly. “Sir…Sir, I’m gonna cum. I’m…aahhhhaaaa… I’m gonna cum all over your thick cock!”
I was already panting, and I let out a strained laugh.
“Ready so quickly? What a sensitive little slut.” I taunted, smacking her ass hard.
She gasped and squeaked in surprise. She didn’t speak and seemed to be trying to prevent herself from going off.
“Beg.” I ordered simply.
“Mmmm…Sir… Please…Please let me…Oh God!”
I grabbed her ass with both hands, and twisted her ripe flesh in my grip. I felt her pussy quiver around my cock, and I knew she was seconds away.
“Unngh,” she moaned,”Please…Please.”
“Do it, whore.” I said.
She let out a few strained breaths before clenching her pussy tight. She relaxed and moaned loudly, before clenching one final time. I dug my fingers into her ass cheeks as she came, moaning and screaming.
“Oh fuck!” she shouted, “Yes…I’m cumming!”
I spanked her again and pulled a few inches out of her, before thrusting back in hard. She was so incredibly tight, and her pussy was convulsing around me so powerfully.
I pumped her hard. My heavy balls were slapping against the top of her pussy, and I wondered if I was hitting her clit. It was hard to tell if that was contributing to her fevered moans or not, but she was certainly enjoying herself.
I tried to keep up the pace, but her pussy felt so good that I knew I wasn’t going to last. She was still letting out fevered wails as the pleasure racked her body. I thrust into her a few more times, then held myself in deep as I came. I held on to her ass as I grunted out my pleasure. My orgasm was intense and seemed go on and on, spurt after spurt of concentrated pleasure.
“Oh my God…Oh my God…” she whimpered over and over.
I finally slid my slimy cock out of her and rested back on my heels. Her bright red ass, with the pale indentations of my grip, perfectly framed her beautiful, flushed pussy. My cum slowly dripped from between her swollen lips, the flow spreading down her thighs, occasionally speeding up as the fading convulsions of her orgasm pushed it out, each one punctuated by a small whimper.
I was exhausted, but I needed to do one last thing before collapsing.
I got the little tub of cream and rewarded her for taking her punishment. She whimpered as the cool cream soothed her burning skin.
“Am I good, Sir?” she asked wiggling her hips.
Her voice sounded husky in a sexy sort of way, as if tired from all the screaming she’d been doing.
“Yes, sweetheart. You’re a good girl.” I said,smiling.
I loved how I could say such condescending things to her and actually mean it. In her submission, anything I said to her affected her so deeply. Even little things like that seemed to mean the world to her.
“Are…are you proud of me?” she whispered.
I smiled, remembering what I’d said the first time she’d been punished. I’d been surprised that I actually meant it, and found that I did again. She’d taken a lot of pain, and didn’t once try to stop me. It took a lot of strength to withstand something like that voluntarily.
“I’m very proud of you, Jessica.” I said.
She laughed a little, and sighed contentedly.
“You asked me to punish you when you made a mistake. You didn’t complain, or ask me to stop, even though I used the belt. You did very well, sweetheart.” I said.
“Thank you, Sir. And…thank you for punishing me.” she said meekly.
I lay down beside her, and her pulled over to me. She moved slowly, and I realised she hadn’t left that position since I started her punishment.
“Come here, sweetheart.” I said gently.
She curled up against me, wrapping her arms around my neck and relaxing her body.
“Thank you.” she said again, “I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m really sorry.”
“It’s Ok.” I said, stroking her hair, “It’s alright.”
She nodded and breathed deeply. She seemed nervous, and her body began to tense again.
“Are you Ok?” I asked.
“Yeah…I’m fine.” she said.
I pulled away from her, and she scurried backwards, distancing herself. I cocked my head at her. She didn’t look comfortable at all.
“I’m really sorry about…about biting your lip.” she said earnestly, “I just thought…that it would be sexy, or something. I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
She still looked embarrassed, and cringed at the memory.
“You already said that.” I said, smirking.
“I know, I just…I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry.” she said.
“You apologised.” I said firmly, “You took your punishment, and I forgive you. Don’t bring it up again.”
She bit her lip and nodded, but it was clear that she was still concerned about something. There was a feeling of distance between us that I didn’t like. The earlier feeling of closeness had soured somewhat, and it bothered me.
“What’s wrong with you?” I asked.
She shook her head, and I frowned.
“Tell me what’s wrong.” I said firmly.
She looked away nervously, and sighed.
“Do you remember what you said about me…telling you things?” she asked.
“Remind me.” I said, but I was pretty sure I knew what she meant.
“You said…that I never have to hide what I’m thinking or feeling from you.” she almost whispered.
Actually, all I’d said was that she “never have to hide what she wanted from me”. I’d meant it in a more casual way than it had some out, but she’d hugged me so tightly that I knew she’d taken it to heart.
Which was actually good, now that I thought about it. I was getting more and more adept at guessing what she was feeling based on the tone of her voice, and her expression, but I found myself wanting to know exactly what was going through her head.
“Yeah. I remember.” I said softly.
“Did you mean it?” she asked.
I shifted my body so that I was lying on my side facing her, supporting my head with my arm. She moved closer to me, and I cupped her face in my hand again.
“I meant it.” I said, “You can tell me anything.”
I expected her to smile or to look relieved, but instead she looked down and away from me.
“What do you want to tell me?” I asked..
She met my eye again. She was so afraid to say it, whatever it was.
“Jessica…” I prompted.
“I love you.” she blurted out.
I was a little confused. This was like the hundredth time she’d told me.
“I know.” I said.
“But do you?” she asked accusingly. “Do you know?”
I wasn’t sure what she was getting at until the memory hit me.
Of course.
The last time we’d been alone I’d lost my temper with her. I’d called her “clingy”, so now she was keeping her distance by not cuddling with me like she usually did. I’d called her pathetic…maybe that was why she was resisting me earlier.
And what seemed to matter to her most…I’d told her that she didn’t love me, that she only loved my dick.
She thought that I was still angry with her…or she didn’t think that I believed her.
She wanted to know that I knew how she felt.
I smiled and moved closer to her pressing our bodies together and putting my arm around her. I leaned in to kiss her, but she pulled away from me.
“Wait.” she said, almost panicked, “I’m sorry, just wait a second, please. I just need to say this. I need to get this out.”
I was annoyed at being denied, but I tried not to show it. I started gently rubbing the nape of her neck, and pulled her closer. She’d been hit pretty hard earlier by the feelings of submission, and I could admit now that I cared too much for her to watch her break down like she’d done the night I lost my temper. If she needed to talk about this, then I was going to let her.
“Tell me what you want to tell me.” I said gently.
Now she looked relieved.
“Ok.” she breathed. “Ok.”
She closed her eyes for a few seconds as if preparing herself, before meeting my gaze with resolve.
“I just…I work really hard.” she said.
There was a beat of silence as I waited for her to continue.
“I work really hard, at a lot of things.” she said, “I’m on course to be the valedictorian, you know. And I’m not really that smart. I have to study so much. That’s why I only come over here on Friday nights, every other day I have to study.”
I had no idea her grades were that good, but it actually wasn’t that surprising given what I’d learned about her. I didn’t believe for a second that her own intelligence didn’t have something to do with it, though. I’d hung out with people who worked just as hard as she did and barely stayed above average.
“And I work out. Rose and I have been jogging together three or four times a week for about two years now. Plus I’m the Editor-In-Chief for the school newspaper, which is its own whole messy thing. I’ve had to pretty much recreate it all single-handedly, and no one else who helps out really gives a shit about it.”
She sighed and lay back, looking up at the ceiling. I pulled my arm away from her and got more comfortable. I could tell this was going to be quite a speech.
“Apart from coming here and occasionally going to a party or something, I just work, in some way or other. And that used to be fine. I could relax and hang out with Rose, and that was enough. But just before last Summer…it just got hard. It was like…it’s like…”
She trailed off, trying to get her thoughts in order.
“Like when I’m studying Math, I spend half the time worrying that I should be studying History instead. Or when I’m proof reading some articles for the paper, I feel like I should be studying for college. Even when I’m jogging,” she said, getting a little frantic, “Which is just an hour of my time, I feel like I should be doing something else! It wasn’t so bad at first, but it started to bleed over into my free time too. I can barely even enjoy just being with Rose because my stupid brain doesn’t let me!”
She turned to face me again and sighed, calming herself. It was hard for her to say all this, I could tell. It seemed like this was the first time she’d tried to talk to someone about this.
“I put a lot of pressure on myself…which is fine, it’s what I want…but I just always feel like I’m wasting my time. Like there’s always something more important that deserves my attention. It’s so fucking stressful. Just, constant worrying, constant stress, never being able to relax for a God damned second because of I’m always thinking about my other priorities.”
She reached out to me, resting her hand on my cheek. She rubbed her thumb back and forth, caressing me gently, like I’d just done to her.
“But when I’m with you…it’s different. Everything about what you do to me is so… powerful. And it hurts but…but it’s what I want. When you order me to do something, it’s like it’s the only thing in the world that matters. Even when I’m just kneeling in front of the door, waiting for you to look at me…it feels like that’s where I’m supposed to be. I don’t even have to think about what else I should be doing, because that’s where you want me to be. And when you hurt me… I know it’s because I… I deserve it…and I want it.”
She shook her head. I could her the emotion rising in her voice.
“I know it sounds like a small thing…but being with you just feels right. I don’t have to worry about my life, or school, or whether my friends think I’m a bitch, or my fucking parents or… anything else. I can just turn my brain off and just…give myself to you. It’s the only time that I can just… just… be… without… without anything else…”
She trailed off again, biting her lip as her eyes welled up slightly. She shook her head again and leaned towards me, putting her mouth in front of mine but getting no closer. Her way of silently begging for a kiss.
I kissed her softly, and slowly. She ran her fingers up into my hair as our tongues moved together, and let out a small moan as I felt a tear roll down her cheek. Oh, now she was crying, I thought to myself.
She broke the kiss and rested her head on my shoulder.
“I think this is my favourite part.” she whispered, “Right after I…after I’ve been punished, or…or fucked. My whole body’s still just buzzing with pain and pleasure, and my mind’s completely clear. We’re both just here, and I’m yours.It’s just so perfect.”
She kissed my cheek again before pulling back and looking me in the eye.
“I mean, that’s not everything I feel for you. I still don’t really understand my feelings for you. But…how could I not love someone who makes me feel like that?” she said softly.
Just at the word love, I felt a familiar twinge of annoyance that I hadn’t even recognised until now. I didn’t like hearing that she loved me. Hearing it had always bothered me. It had been what set me off when I’d snapped at her the day before. I’d been ignoring the discomfort it made me feel, but now it made sense. It bothered me because I didn’t believe it.
Because how could she?
Forget who I was, the parts of me she didn’t know, and the parts of me she used to mock. If you only take into account who I was with her, my newly discovered “Dominant” side; the darkness, the cruelty, the violence…how could she possibly love someone like that? How could she genuinely love someone who treated her like I did?
And the parts of myself that I wasn’t showing her just felt worse. I hurt her so much, and I tried to distance myself from those abusive assholes who beat their wives, by telling myself that she wanted it too…but in the end, I was hurting her because I wanted to. It felt dark, and cruel, and sick, because surely it had to be.
But she loved me. I may not have understood it, but she did. She saw the darkest parts of me, my anger and sadism, and was excited where most people would be disgusted. I almost laughed out loud as a thought struck me; I’d been so worried with hiding my growing affection from her, when it was my violence towards her that I was really ashamed of.
In response, I kissed her again. It started slowly, but got more and more passionate until I grabbed her hips and pulled her body onto mine. She straddled me and wrapped her arms around me, our tongues dancing wildly.
I tried not to shy away from the feelings she gave me. I was finished with that, with ignoring parts of myself because they made me uncomfortable. I still didn’t know exactly what Jessica meant to me, but I knew that it wasn’t all darkness. When this whole thing had started, I’d had no idea how funny she was, how brilliant she was, and how…profoundly alone she was, or how hard she worked. I’d just seen her as this two-dimensional bitch because that was all she’d shown me.
But unfortunately, just because I had a better understanding of why she’d always behaved the way she did, it still didn’t excuse it. That deep seated bitterness, the contempt and hatred of her, was still there somewhere, mixing in with everything else I was feeling.
But I chose to embrace the lighter side this time, rather than the darker.
I rolled her over and kissed her deeply, and smiled as she whimpered softly into me. I ran my fingers into her hair and moved my tongue more forcefully in her mouth, causing it to roll sensually against hers. She whimpered again as her body shivered with pleasure, and I couldn’t help but moan in response.
My cock was already hard, and I quickly lined it up with her pussy. I pushed the tip against her slick pussy lips, but stopped before going any further.
“Please fuck me, Sir.” she begged, smiling, “Please fuck your little…whore.”
=============
Plenty more to come