The night was still. The breeze barely rustled the leaves on the trees. The sound of the stream trickling between the rocks 500 metres away was clearly audible. The sky was clear and the moon shone its silvery light far across the meadows and hills.
Suddenly I heard a cry, “Help!” somewhere in the distance.
A plaintive cry. A young maiden.
It came from the woods.
I raised myself from my perch atop the garden wall. It was late, the wench might be in trouble so grasping my knife and jerkin I set forth in the direction of the sound.
“Help!” she wailed again, I hurried along as fast as I dared in the moonlight not knowing which pool of shadow was a pot hole to break the leg of the unwary and which held no danger.
Suddenly I was upon her. An angel in a white gown with a dark coat covering it.
“Oh,” she said, “Is there only you?”
“I heard your cry,” I explained, “Are you in distress?”
“Er, My carriage was attacked by vagabonds and I was lucky to escape with my honour!” she declared.
“Are they chasing you?” I asked, “Or why are you shouting? why is your hair still perfect and why have you not broken sweat.”
“Oh for pities sake questions, questions, questions.” she snapped.
Something is very wrong! I decided.
“Help!” she shouted.
“Stop shouting, I am here,” I replied.
“And entirely useless I want men, several men,” she announced.
“Why?” I asked, “There is no danger, I am here, you can stay with me until tomorrow.”
“Oh you are such an idiot!” she protested, “Help!”
“Find you own way then,” I snapped and I turned and left her.
“Come back, help!” she shouted. I ignored her and carried on walking.
“Come back this instant!” she shouted.
“Save your breath,” I warned, “You will attract the wolves.”
She ran after me, “What is wrong with you?” she demanded.
“Me, it is you that has lost your senses,” I replied, “I shall escort you to the village and keep you safe.”
“I don’t want safe, I want men!” she squealed “And what do I get, the village idiot!”
“Then the Inn should suit you very well,” I confirmed, “The Landlord keeps whores upstairs so perhaps he will let you take a turn.”
“Yes, excellent, do you think they will attack me, tear my clothes off and ravish me?” she asked eagerly.
“Probably not, they will all be drunk or asleep,” I admitted.
“Then you will have to do it,” she insisted., “You will have to ravish me.”
“I shall do no such thing,” I insisted.
“No matter no one will believe you,” she simpered and with a rending sound she tore her gown, “Help!” she screamed.
“Oh really,” I protested, “I just don’t need this.”
“So ravish me, you may as well have some pleasure before I report you to the constable.” she snapped.
“Why do you wish to be ravished?” I asked.
“Er well I had a dalliance and I believe I may be with child,” she admitted, “So if I was attacked and ravished…”
“And you would have me sent to the gallows to facilitate this lie?” I demanded.
“Well I had not really considered every implicationt,” she said, “But perhaps you could escape and become an outlaw?”
“Its hardly fair is it?” I asked, “What have I ever done to harm you.”
“You insulted me greatly by refusing to ravish me,” she insisted.
“I am saving my honour for my true love,” I said pompously.
“Lucky girl, who is she?” she asked.
“I don’t have a girl yet,” I admitted.
“Then, oh, why not ravish me?” she demanded.
“I don’t fancy you,” I lied.
She managed to reveal her left breast, “Are you sure?” she asked.
“No, not at all,” I insisted, “Lets get you to the pub, I am sure someone will oblige.”
She put her breast away and we went to the Flyne Fox.
“You can’t bring no tart in yer,” the Landlord challenged, “You be ent licensed.”
“I am no tart!” the wench declared.
“Well you scrubbed up well if thee’s a bloke,” Old Tom chuckled, “Whats yours, a pint of Gin or a good fucking up thee’s ass.”
“Fuck up the ass please,” she said.
Poor old Tom fell off his stool. “Bugger me miss I were taking the piss,” he apologised.
“I need a good seeing to!” she shouted, “Who wants to be first?”
“Look like young Geoff had thee first?” someone suggested.
“No, I be saving myself,” I said.
“Not for my Lucy thee be ent, I sin thee lookin’ at her, you keep the dirty mitts off.” Old Billy Barnes warned.
“Then what be wrong young Geoff,” someone asked, “Thee got a liking for blokes, thee want a tadger up thee ass?”
“No!” I said, “I want someone special.”
“And aren’t I special enough?” the wench asked as she dropped her gown to the floor and stood naked before me.
“He just shot his load in hos pants!” Alf Keats laughed, and he pulled me breeches down.
My member betrayed me and stood proud in the candlelight
“Bugger me!” Sam Wilks gasped, “Our Bulls ent as big as that!”
“Gwan, do it!” someone started saying.
“Do it, Do it!” they chanted.
The wench sat on the end of a table with her legs apart, someone grabbd me, someone guided my member and next thing I was in heaven.
Well not quite next thing, It took about half a dozen attempts to actually get the the bulbous purple head of my member between her soft pink cunt lips and deep into her insides.
She were very good about it, made me feel real good by saying “Oh my lord it will never fit, stop it, it hurts., arrggahhh.” but after a bid she went quiet when I had my member right inside her.
“Oh my lord I shall never walk again,” she complained.
She had bit her lip and everything.
“Gerron wi it Geoff, there’s other waiting,” someone chided.
Is shot me bolt, time after time I pumped her full of me stuff. Pints of it I reckon.
“Happy now?” I asked sarcastically
Blood trickled from hr mouth, “You Bastard!” she wailed, “You might have said you were completely abnormally oversized down there.”
“Ah shut thee rattle wench,” Silas snapped, “Get yer laughing tackle round this!” and he jabbed his cock at her mouth as someone grabbed her hair and forced her to open wide.
I had enough. I went home. I was nearly home when the Hue and Cry came storming over the hill. A great possie of men on horse back.
“Oy, you there,” some fat twerp shouted, “The Carriage was attacked, have you seen the young lady Calthrop?”
“No, not as I know of, thee better ask at the pub, all the blokes is there sampling a new tart the landlord just picked up from Barnsley or some such.” I replied.
“Idiot!” the Horseman replied. “They may be ravishing Miss Calthrop!”
“To the Pub!” he cried, “Er where is it?” he asked.
“Round the corner, first on the left you can’t miss it.” I explained.
“Round the corner, first on the left and bring that damned yokel.” he shouted.
Someone grabbed me and off we went back to the pub.
“See,” I said pointing through the window “Sampling a new whore!”
She was naked bent at the waist suckling someone’s cock while someone else stood behind poking her from behind. I couldn’t see if it was in her womb or ass hole but she had her hands on the chas hips as she sucked him so she didn’t seem to be in any distress or feel any urgency to escape.
“Good god its Miss Katherine!” some fool interjected. He earned a slap across his face from the flat side of the leader’s sword for his pains.
“Idiot!” the leader swore, “How can you mistake a street whore for my dearest daughter Katherine!”
“Er well it looks like her,” someone else said from a safe distance.
“Don’t be ridiculous, you cannot see her face.” he snapped.
“Looks like her ass though,” someone muttered.
“Does a bit,” someone else agreed.
“How dare you!” the leader swore and he stormed into the pub, getting as far as the porch before the bolted door stopped him short. “Open up in the name of the Lord!” he shouted.
“We’re closed, private party,” The landlord replied.
The door creaked and cracked as a burly yeoman put his shouder to it, finally snapping off at the left side where the hinges were and falling flat on the ground with a rending crash.
I watched through the window as people looked around.
“Oi that’s not bloody funny!” the Landlord cried.
“Oh god its my dad,” the wench gasped, “Stop, stop I say!”
“Bit late to change yer mind now Miss you been well fucked and that’s for certain,” Silas informed her, “Keep thee clothes on and legs shut if thee don’t want a fucking.”
“Oh my god it is you!” the leader gasped, “You evil lying little slut!”
“Hers quite well endowed,” someone muttered.
“Get off me,” she shouted nearly biting off the poor blokes cock in the process. “They dragged me here and.”
“Oy, you came of your own accord and asked for a fucking,” the Landlord insisted, “I been keeping a tally, that’s five crowns you made so far.”
“Daddy!” she wailed, crocodile tears running down her cheeks. Spunk running down her chin, spunk running down her thighs.
“You’re no daughter of mine,” he insisted, “Bar keep, here’s a sovereign, pray allow all my men to use your whore and then cast her out into the street, naked if you please, preferably when its raining.”
“Very good squire, and about the door?” the barkeep asked.
“Don’t push your luck, make her earn it!” the leader insisted, “Actually I quite fancy a go myself.”
“Please sire,” I asked, “She is just a healthy young woman with the needs of a healthy.”
“Whore,” their leader snapped, “Like her mother, a filthy dirty lying little whore.”
“Better in bed than her mother, by the looks of it,” one of the hangers on said unadvisedly.
“And what would you know,” he asked.
“Begging your pardon sir,” a softly spoken elder worker advised.” But there ain’t no one on the estate what haven’t screwed your missus at some time or a nother.”
“Silence,” Their leader bellowed, “Enough, have your fill of her and when you are done one of you must marry her!”
Dead silence. “Begging your pardon sir,” someone said, “What sort of dowry are you offering?”
“What?” he replied, “None, she can very well earn her own keep flat on her back by the looks of it!”
“Daddy!” the wench protested.
“You’re no daughter of mine!” her father insisted. He grabbed the yokel currently urgently probing her backside with his member and ordered “Out of my way fool.”
The chao staggered backwards in confusion and his cock erupted with a fountain of grey slime which trailed across the pub floor like the trail of some giant snail
The girl looked back helplessly as he dropped his breeches revealing a truly monstrous cock.
“Oh my God Daddy!” she simpered, “Its huge!”
“Shut your rattle whore,” he snapped as he lined his cock up to her pussy lips.
“He who sleeps with his own shall rot in hell, the child shall have two heads and both shall have heads thereon in the image of Behelsebub,” someone intoned less than helpfully.
“Yes,” he shouted triumphantly as he pressed his length deep inside her. He began humping.
“Ohhhh Daddy you are so naughty!” she exclaimed, “That feels soo nice.”
They fucked for nigh on ten minutes, changing position a few times before he finally shot his load up her arse.
“Daddy,” the girl exclaimed, “Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to fuck me?”
He thought carefully, “You were my daughter then, now you’re a whore, its different.”
“I won’t tell anyone if you don’t,” she promised.
“There’s s pub full of witnesses you idiot!” he snapped.
“Oh!” she agreed.
“They are all drunk,” I suggested, “Might be mistaken.”
“Are you the Village Idiot?” he asked.
“I could be if the money is right,” I agreed, “Depends how much you’re paying.”
He just stared. “Look,” I said, “Pay me a dowry and I’ll marry her and stand by her.”
“What, become her pimp?” he asked nastily.
“And that, and if the kid has two heads we can have a side show at Blackpool or somesuch and charge people to see it,” I suggested.
“You truly are the village idiot,” he agreed, “Any more offers for the whore’s hand in marriage,” he asked. There was compete silence. “Then you are betrothed,” he announced “Congratulations.”
“I’m not marrying the Village idiot!” the girl snapped
“No and I shan’t marry thee neither,” I insisted, “Not without a dowry.”
“What do you need a dowry for, she can earn a fortune laid on her back?” he challenged, “Oh very well, how about a free house and a hundred quid a year?”
“Make it two and you have a deal!” I suggested.
“Don’t push it, one fifty,” he suggested.
“Done!” I agreed.
“So take her away and fuck her in any and every hole sir,” the father said.
“Reckon I’ll pass,” I said, you might as well stay here and enjoy yourself.” I promised, “Er what’s her name?” I afdded.
“Katherine, does it matter,” he replied, “Just make sure she does her debauched fornication here and not near my house!”
It was next morning I next found Katherine or rather she found me at my parents house.She was barefoot and naked under her coat
Dad wouldn’t let her in till I explained about the new job.
“We need to talk,” she complained.
“Talk, you should be doing something useful laid on your back earning money, not moaning.” dad insisted.
“I have been so foolish,” she said.
“Yes, all the world to choose from and you end up betrothed to our Geoffrey,” Mum chided.
“No letting all those men abuse me,” she said sadly, “I only wanted to have an excuse for being with child, I had an ill advied dalliance you seem I had the servants pretend we were attacked in the woods and |I had been abducted.” She said sadly, “Now every man in the village has had me.”
“I haven’t,” Dad said.
“And neither will thee either,” Mother snapped. “Half that lot got cock rot and I don’t want a dose.”
“Thee don’t fuck no more anyroad,” he snapped, and he turned to Katherine “Get thee kit off girl you pulled!”
“No!” Katherine insisted. “I have turned my back on debauchery!”
“What’s she blethering on about son?” he asked.
“She want’s it up the ass Dad,” I explained.
“No I want to forget yesterday happened.” she pleaded, “Except I cannot, my mind craves the excitement of my womb being filled by eager men.”
“So what do you want?” I asked.
“A lusty man to fulfil my desires?” she suggested.
“You’ll need a dozen at least girl,” Mother suggested, “Get thee self a nice rolling pin and do it theeself!”
“But Geofffrey, you are to be my husband, will you not comfort me?” she asked
“No thanks, you might have a two headed kid inside thee or the clap,” I advised, “Look, just wed I and lets live like brother and sister, then you can fuck who you like can’t thee.”
“Yes, I suppose so.” she agreed sadly.
“So you fuck me Dad while I check on the chickens,” I suggested, “Then maybe I can whittle you a rolling pin.
“Oohhhh you really are an idiot!” she snapped
Note 1) its not exactly historically accurate 2) Its supposed to be funny.