I had been going to St. Terrance my whole life. I started in preschool and I’m still here as a freshman in high school. They call the few of us “lifers”. Lifers, who have been here since preschool, know the campus better than anyone and sometimes, they have a new student shadow you to show them around. I had never gotten a shadow until today. I was called into the admissions office to meet my shadow. I walked in and there was this beautiful girl sitting in the recruiter’s office.
“Chase! So glad you’re here. Meet your shadow Chloe!”
When she turned around, three words went through my mind: oh… my… god. She was this tall beautiful girl. She was about 5”10, with long blonde hair that went just atop her shoulders, blue swimmable eyes, and an athletic hourglass figure that perfectly complimented her personality. How did I get so lucky?
“Hi Chloe, I’m Chase,” and I held out my hand.
“Hi Chase, nice to meet you,” and she shook my hand.
“Awesome. Glad you guys are clicking.” Said Catherine, the head of admissions.
“Yeah haha. Ready to go Chloe?”
“Yes! Let’s get started.” And we headed out of the office.
“So, any questions before we get started with classes?” I asked.
“Yeah. Any people or groups I should avoid?”
“Haha not that I can think of. As long as you stick with me, you’ll be ok.”
“Ok.”
We spent the first week just walking around campus and getting to know each other. After the shadow program was over, we still kept hanging out and we became the best of friends. As we became better friends, we even started hanging out outside of school. After 3 months of friendship, I finally brought her to my house to watch a movie.
“Hey mom and dad. This is my best friend Chloe. Chloe, these are my parents.”
“Nice to meet you Chloe. I’m Paul and this is my wife Nicole.” Said my dad.
“Nice to meet you too. Chase and I were going to watch a movie here. Is that ok? I haven’t seen Star Wars and he insists that I see it.”
“Totally fine with us. How did you guys meet?”
“We met through the shadow program at school and when it was over, we just became friends.”
“Glad to hear it. You guys enjoy the movie.”
I set up the movie, dimmed the lights in the living room, and pressed play on the silver DVD player. About halfway through the movie she put her head on my shoulder. I didn’t really react or think too much of it. Then, she held my hand and we interlocked fingers. That’s when I felt something for the first time. Feelings for my shadow, feelings for my friend, feelings for the girl I met 3 months ago. My heart started to race, my skin started to tingle, and I took a deep breath and turned to look at her and she turned and looked at me and our eyes locked. That’s when she whispered to me, “Don’t ruin it,” and she put her head back on my shoulder.
I had to think about it for a second, but I knew what she meant. Don’t ruin the moment. In that moment, according to her, we were best friends. Nothing more, nothing less. I knew my feelings wouldn’t change. I knew she valued our friendship, but I still wanted it to be more; that her racing heart would beat in time with mine.
I went back to watching the movie. When the movie ended it was pretty late.
“Hey it’s pretty late. Would you mind if I stayed the night here? I can just crash on the couch. Is that ok?” she asked.
“Yeah that’s totally fine. Sleep tight! Goodnight.” And I headed upstairs.
I got to my room and plopped down on my black bedspread. I couldn’t get the thought of Chloe holding my hand out of my head. Was she sending a message or was that a friendly hand hold? I was totally lost in my head with all these thought racing around I couldn’t sleep.
I woke up the next morning and looked at my clock and it said 10:30. I started to freak out but then realized it was Saturday so no school.
I went downstairs and Chloe was still asleep. We did stay up late last night, so I wasn’t surprised. My parents already left for work and since they didn’t say anything to me about Chloe, I knew they were ok with it. They knew we were just friends, but they didn’t know I wanted it to be more.
I went over and lightly shook Chloe to wake up. “Hey Chloe, wake up.”
“Huh, oh hi Chase. What time is it?” she said as she opened her eyes.
“It’s 10:30. I know it’s late to sleep in, but we were up late last night. Do you want to go home or what?”
“I’d actually like to hang out here for the day if that’s ok. My parents are gone all day doing stuff and I don’t want to be home alone.”
“Sure, we can hang out here all day if you’d like to. We can go swimming or watch TV or something.”
“Great well, I have a bathing suit so that works out great!”
“Awesome. How about I make us some breakfast? Eggs and sausages sound good?”
“Sounds great. Mind if I shower? I always shower in the morning.”
“No worries. Up the stairs second door on your right. You can use any towel that’s on the towel rack.”
“Ok thanks. I’ll be down in a minute.” And she turned and headed up the stairs.
I got the eggs and sausages out of the fridge and started to make breakfast. I still couldn’t stop thinking about last night. The head on my shoulder was ok but holding my hand? Then she said don’t ruin it. What am I supposed to do with that? My thoughts are super jumbled. I was so deep in thought I didn’t hear Chloe coming down the stairs and she came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder and I jumped.
“Woah. Chloe hey. Sorry I didn’t hear you come down. You all good?”
“Yep. Couldn’t be better.”
I poured the eggs in the pan and put the sausages in the microwave. While I was stirring the eggs, she came up behind me and put her arms around my stomach and looked over my left shoulder at the eggs.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Watching you make breakfast silly. Making sure you don’t do anything wrong.”
“I’ve made breakfast before.” I said with a chuckle.
“I know.” And she gave me a kiss on the cheek.
Oh my god was she trying to confuse me? It’s like she was playing mind games with me. Did she like me or not?
After we ate breakfast, we decided to go swimming. We each changed into our bathing suits and went outside.
“Be careful it’s a little…” and she pushed me in the pool.
“Wow how could you!” I said as we both laughed.
“Thought it would be funny. I was totally right!” and then she jumped in next to me.
We had a splash fight for a bit and then something happened. She swam over to me and used her hands to put my hands around her waist and she then put her arms around my neck, and we swam around the pool. I stared into her deep blue eyes and just smiled.
“It’s going to happen,” I thought.
Then she said the same three words.
“Don’t ruin it.” Then she let go.
Ok she was totally toying with my mind. It was like torture. I was so temped to ask her if she liked me, but I think that might ruin what we had so I kept my mouth shut.
“What do you want to do for the rest of the day?” I asked.
“Why don’t we just chill and hangout.” She said with a smile.
“Sounds good.” And we just sat in the lawn chairs in the backyard and just talked. I really got to know her in that time, and my feelings got even stronger.
After a while she said, “Can I change back into my clothes?”
“Sure! I’m going to change too.” And we both went inside and changed back into our clothes. I was wearing a plain black long sleeve t-shirt and black jeans. She came down wearing a pink shirt and jean shorts. My god she was pretty.
We just sat on the couch and talked some more. I felt like she was really easy to talk to. Like I could really open up to her about anything except my feelings. There were a few close calls when I almost told her but luckily, I stopped myself. Soon it was lunch time.
“How about some lunch?”
“Sounds wonderful. What did you have in mind?”
“How about tacos?”
“Sounds great!”
“Just don’t hover this time.” I said and we both laughed.
“No promises.” And she chuckled.
I got the tortillas out and the beef and chicken. I put the beef and chicken on the griddle and the tortillas on the black pan. After a couple minutes she came up behind me again and gave me another kiss on the cheek.
“How is everything coming along?”
Still stunned by the kiss I said, “Oh yeah it’s coming along great.” I mumbled and then she let go.
This was ridiculous. I had to tell her, and I had a plan to do it too. I was going to take her to crimson lake so we could be alone, and I would tell her all my feelings.
“How would you like to go to Crimson lake tomorrow?”
“I would love to. Sounds like fun!”
“Great! Let’s go in the evening. We can probably stay the night there. I’ll pack a tent and sleeping bags.”
“Awesome!”
While we sat and ate lunch, she kept looking at me and smiling and I just smiled back. Soon it was nighttime.
“See you tomorrow” I said.
“See ya!” and she walked out the door.
—The Next Day 4:00 pm—
There was a knock at the door.
“Hey Chloe. You ready?”
“Yep I’m all packed!”
“Great! Got to tell my parents we’re leaving.”
I went and talked to my parents and they said have fun. I said goodbye and we headed out the door.
We took my car out to crimson lake that was an hour from my house. My parents and hers knew there was nothing between us other than friendship, or they thought but I didn’t tell Chloe how I felt, so they gave us pretty much free reign. I packed our sleeping bags in case we wanted to stay the night by the lake. When we got there, we were tired and knew we were staying the night so, we texted our parents to let them know and they responded, “be safe.” We set up my dark blue tent and put everything inside and just chilled by the dancing campfire.
I was so scared and nervous but then something amazing happened. We saw the northern lights. I thought this is it. I had to do it. It was now… or never.
“Hey Chloe. I have to tell you something.”
“Sure, what’s up?”
“Well..” I was literally shaking saying this.
“I’ve had feelings about you for a while now. I’ve never been able to identify them until now. Sitting here under the northern lights it just came to me. It’s love. Pure love. So, I’m saying this with 100% certainty. I am in love with you.”
She just sat there… frozen. I knew it. I ruined it. Then, she leapt towards me and we kissed, and my heart was happy. The girl I had been pining after for so long finally let her feelings for me be known.
“I love you too and have for a while.”
“Then what’s with the mind games and the ‘Don’t ruin it’ and everything?”
“Sorry to play mind games with you. That was not my intention. I just wasn’t ready to tell you. I didn’t want it to ruin our friendship. That’s why I said, ‘Don’t ruin it’. I was kind of saying it to myself. Now I know you feel the same way, I can finally act on my feelings and not worry about ruining things with you.”
Wow. I was shocked. She did like me. Everything made sense.
“Want to sleep outside tonight?” I asked.
“Sounds wonderful.” And we held hands and cuddled as we fell asleep under the northern lights.