I walked into my school, looking around nervously. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I had recently been given a very difficult choice by two guys I really liked. Nathan, the sensible option, a cute, intelligent, kind guy, who was strangely attractive. Or Nico, the really not sensible option, the hot football jock who had crazy mood swings and plenty of homophobic mates- but I found him so much hotter.
I am 15 and gay in a very gay intolerant society in the middle of England. I’m very secretive and this is because i have a massive distrust of other people. So much so, I have a phobia of other people. I don’t believe that talking to people helps things, and this is why I tend to keep myself to myself. However people think I’m weird because put in a social situation I act strangely. Once I was meant to be speaking in front of a class, fell over and rushed out the room singing The Real Slim Shady. This is what I’m up against.
I first met both Nathan and Nico when I was 11, when I thought I was straight. I was with another girl I knew, Sophie. However I knew I liked boys, I couldn’t stop staring at people like Rafael Nadal, but not because of his tennis ability, because of his cute and beautiful face. I just didn’t know there was a thing called gay. I remember sitting at lunch with Sophie and seeing Nico the first time and thinking ‘he’s fit,’ but trying to push these thoughts out of my head as I realised these were unnatural thoughts. I thought ‘Two guys can’t be together. Its weird. Whoever heard of two men together?’
I heard Sophie calling someone else over. There was a really thin guy, who Sophie informed me was her friend Nathan. I smiled and said “hi” and soon the chat turned to Pokemon cards and football, all thought of Nico went out of my head.
Later that same day I had a class with Nico, Maths. Me being me, I was afraid of talking to someone different so I just sat in the back corner with Sophie and Nathan, as far from Nico as I possibly could.
But the strange thing was I never felt like I wanted to do anything with Nico, I just liked the way he looked. Even as my understanding of being gay improved and increased I never felt like doing anything with him. Until just before his 16th.
It was very similar with Nathan, however I knew him slightly less, never got round to talking to him as we went into year 8. Until year 11, until now, until just before Nico’s 16th again, when our teachers decided to sit us next to each other.
I know for a fact that Nathan is bisexual, I saw him say as much when I was in a group chat with him and a couple of other people. But Nico… I don’t know… I guess I’ll have to find out.
—
I walk into biology, one of the many classes I seem to be sat next to Nathan. It is a dark and miserable February morning, and with my thoughts like the clouds above, messed up and in no logical order, I can’t help but look at him strangely. However he isn’t stupid and he soon realises that I am looking at him with a weird expression on my face.
“What do you want Axel?” he asks me warily.
“I want nothing, just to know the answers to this question,” was my appalling reply to his question. He is clearly unimpressed and unconvinced as he passes me his piece of paper. He asks me again why I keep looking at him, he knows it isn’t about Biology.
“Why can’t you accept that not everything has a hidden meaning?” I respond the third time, immediately feeling dreadful for what I have just said. I always push away the people that I love the most. He looks crushed inside as I shrink away, equally upset. As the bell rings I rush to the exit as quick as I can, ignoring the fact that Nathan is desperately chasing after me trying to talk to me.
I run to the other side of the school and hide in the toilets for five, ten minutes until I am certain he has gone away. I leave and go into my next lesson, Maths. And there’s a new seating plan. And I just had to be sat next to Nico.
Nico, as usual shows no interest in talking to me, instead he just turns around and talks to his mates. I am not bothered I need to think things over. Nico however seems to spend the time taunting me about being gay calling me a faggot time after time. I, once again, escape the lesson as quick as possible, only to be stopped halfway down the corridor by Nathan.
“Why are you being like this?” he asks me quietly but quickly. Before I can answer, I hear Nico and his mates walking towards us.
“Oh look at the faggots,” one of his friends, Ben spits at us. There’s five of them and I know even between me and Nathan we have no chance of fighting them off. I whisper “let’s just join the crowd,” but Nathan just completely ignores me and steps forward to confront the gang.
“Don’t fucking call me that,” he says, trying to keep the fear out of his voice but not entirely succeeding.
“Why not? Its true,” is Ben’s reply. I desperately start to look around, hoping there is someone nearby but by now everyone’s left and gone to the canteen. “There’s no one around,” Leon, another one of the gang says, and I realise that he is walking slowly towards me with a disgusting grin on his face. He’s only 16, but he looks like a 30-year-old who’s done 10 years in prison. He’s hard, and I really don’t want to mess with him.
“Oh fuck off,” is Nathan’s brave reply.
“Don’t speak back to me fag,” answers Leon. Then everything seems to happen so fast, as Nathan’s show of defiance seems to have angered the gang and all but Nico start pushing him to the floor and beating him up. I try to run and get help but Nico grabs me and he grabs hard. He pushes me against the wall and keeps me pressed there, unable to do anything.
He covers my eyes and I hear a loud bang and try fruitlessly to get free of Nico’s grip. It sounds like a gunshot, and there’s a lot of shouting and screaming as an apocalyptic wave of sounds wash over me, taking over me making me hear nothing.
However I feel Nico lifting me up into his arms and rushing away from the scene with me. I feel senseless, I just let him take me away. He keeps running and running until all I can hear is his rapid breathing trying to calm down. He lays me down on the ground and I feel cool grass beneath me and I suddenly feel cold.
I open my eyes to see a blurry vision of Nico kneeling over me, with a concerned look on his face. He leans closer to me, so that our noses are nearly touching. All I see now are his eyes, his cute, striking green eyes, widen as he sees my eyes open.
He moves lower and kisses me softly. As soon as our lips meet a jolt of electricity fires through me. I jerk up suddenly and cause him to fall down next to me. I look across at him, winded on the grass beside me. He’s stunned and so I am I. Then he realises what he has just done and his eyes open further. I see him panic and rush to his feet as I hear someone behind us. I adjust my position and see its Dan, one of his mates.
“He’s all yours now,” Nico says and he sprints to the hedge and Dan looks over me with an evil glint in his eyes. His steel toed shoes are next to my face. As he puts his foot back to kick me, I quickly roll back and he narrowly misses my face, where seconds before Nico was kissing me. I desperately cling on to Dan’s shoe and pull it off, revealing a bare foot underneath. Angered he reaches down and grabs me by the collar. He drags me into the trees and throws me back to the ground. He pins me to the floor with his other boot and unzips his jeans. His massive dick is there in front of me, and before I know what to do to try and escape he punches me in the balls and I scream in pain. He uses this chance to shove his big cock into my mouth, quickly without mercy.
I have no choice but to suck on it, every time I refuse he punches me in the balls. He soon lifts up as he shoves down my own jeans and boxers. I open my mouth to protest but nothing comes out. I know what he is about to do. He forces his massive cock into my ass but it wont go in. He pulls out and thrusts in super quick, and enters me. A sharp feeling of pain jolts through my pain.
Theres a rustle in the bushes and I see Nico charging towards as Dan. He jumps and theres a loud shout from behind me, but I don’t know what because I am still paralysed with fear…