So um little warning, this part of my uh tale? I guess tale is right word, um is a little darker. Sorry but it’s true, not too dark just, I was going through many emotions the day after.
I awoke the morning after feeling like I had slept for days. At first the night before with my mother felt like a dream, that was until I vastly became aware of my nakedness. I grinded my teeth as I do when I am trying to hide how nervous I am, so I guess I was trying to hide it from myself? After though my initial awe of what happened passed, I realized I heard the shower on, quickly I rolled onto my back, feeling with my hand the edges of the bed.
My mother had already slipped out of the bed. I sat up, blanket falling down and my breast just out and exposed. I remember looking down at them and blushing, scratching the side of my face, but the embarrassment quickly became overwhelming as I looked around for my shirt. It wasn’t in the room so I just fell back into the bed, curling up this time and making sure I was wrapped from feet to neck. I pretty much just laid there silently looking at my hand, caressing my fingers with my thumb, lol like as if I was trying to make sure I was real or something…
The noise of the running water had long stopped, I had to begin to wonder what was taking my mom so long, but didn’t honestly put too much thought into it, just paused every now and then to listen. Oh right! You should know she has her own bathroom connected to her bedroom, so ya lol. So ya I just sorta laid there until the sound of the bathroom door opening made me jump. I got up with a smile on my face…but sadly it was quickly gone and I was holding back tears once again as I saw my mom fixing her sleeves for work ._.
You know, now that I am a bit older, I’d like to think a tad wiser 😛 hehe. I realize now that one of the major things that change as you grow up, is you are truly taught the lesson that life simply goes on. It isn’t that the night before wasn’t as important to her as it was to me, simply that I was younger and had yet learn that fact, I was a kid and something major had happened to me, so in the typical child response, I had expected the entire world to cease and feel as if it had changed also. So ya unaware of that life lesson, I was insanely hurt by the fact that she was going to work so easily.
Hurt and pissed, I looked at her with the most annoyed face I could make. Eyes squinted hard and mouth closed harshly. Once my mom noticed my glare at her, she huffed and her hands hit the side of her thighs.(that was her, what’s up? What’s wrong motion that I had became very use to). And you should know I hated that, she knew I hated that, it’s like kinda rude in my eyes? Just say the words. Well I like breathed out through my nose pissed that she did that, but instead of her usual response of going ”Oh what is it?” Instead this time she gently asked. “Kim, baby, what’s wrong?” I sharply looked back at her, and simply said nothing!
My mom, I guess trying to be patient, sat at the edge of the bed, and said the very LITERALLY the perfect thing I thought she should of said. “Honey, do you want me to stay home? We can talk about, well, anything you want.” Heh…she said the words, she even looked like she truly meant it, so even till today, I ask myself, why didn’t I just accept her offer? Why did I have to be a bitch. *sigh* So ya instead of saying, yes please! I need you to stay! No instead of I just got out of bed, keeping the blanket tightly held to my chest, responding to her without even looking at her. ”No I’m fine, go to work.” Was all I had to say. Oh little funny side note haha was actually hard shuffling with my feet over the blanket(im not tall LOL!)
I guess trying to be a good mom, she cut me off at the door*sigh* It’s like, you know when you are just so angry, but you want to like…you want to just stop being mad you want to just say ”hey I’m sorry.” But you don’t….well that was this case. She cut me off asking me, pleading with me to please speak to her. But being the stubborn brat that I was AND YES I ADMIT IT I WAS…key word is was…anyways! I just told her in a very low but stern tone “Please just let me go to my room, I want to be left alone, okay?!”
My mom simply put her head down, I remember this action very well cuz, well…cuz I just wanted to grab her and…yes kiss her. But as you may tell, this day was just becoming a pattern of things I wish I did differently cuz well, I just nodded for her to open the door, and left as she did.
Now in my room, I dropped the blanket, crying quietly to myself, but my hand shook it’s self into a fist as I grabbed my hair, I hated myself in that moment, but I wasn’t sure what I hated myself for, the sex, or giving her the cold shoulder after. I know sex is never what we want it to be our first times, but my problem wasn’t this, it was the opposite damn it. I was furious that, she was perfect she wasn’t this monster I partly wanted her to be, she was gentle and loving the entire time, and it was amazing, dare I say perfect for me?
But It was with my mother and I was upset, disturbed how much I had enjoyed myself.
Well feeling really weird just being naked, I had decided to find some clothes. I walked to my closet, but stopped as I heard the front door open and close…I remembering just, I dunno, snickering? in disappointment that she actually left, and just shrugging it off, telling myself…fuck her.
So ya, feeling too many emotions to deal with, I decided to …well take a shower to relax/erm…clean up ya…So ya..there I was in the shower, hands against the wall, eyes closed and me just trying to relax, trying to just consecrate on the hot water running down my body, I had it so hot my skin was turning pink lol. Sadly, the magic of a nice hot shower, did not work this time as I, well began once again playing back the events of last night, though this time was different, my mom drifted not to what she had done to me, but to her body, how ….how amazing she looked, and I found myself starting to become very turned on.
I remember my hand, drifting down my chest and cupping my left breast. I massaged myself gently, blushing, pretending it was my mom’s hand on me. For a minute I think I just stood there massaging my breast, rubbing my stomach with my other hand, avoiding actually touching my pussy. Then, heh it’s weird where our minds go sometimes…or well mine at least, I thought of my father…I thought of my brothers and I began to think of what they would think…then of how my friends would judge me, what they would say of me if they knew and I just 100% immediately stopped…no longer did I even have the energy to fight the knots in my stomach or even cry, so instead I simply sat down in the shower, slouching myself up against the corner, just sitting there for not sure how long, but felt like 15 min+.
I guess just simply the heat had became too much, or just sitting on the hard shower floor for so long my bum was going numb 😛 So I had decided to finally get out, I poured somebody wash on my hands and just gave myself a quick cleaning, you know, shampoo ect ect hehe.
So ya this is sorta when I lost it…lol. When I exited the shower, I didn’t even grab a towel, I just felt kinda like a zombie, drained…mentally exhausted. Then…I don’t know…I looked at the mirror which now was super foggy, I leaned over jumping from the coldness I felt as my skin touched the edge of the sink. I wiped away as much as I could(im short!) and ya I mean I just stepped back and looked at myself.
I was just, I was confused. I looked at myself thinking, what, I mean what could she possible see me in me that was so great? I examined myself from head to waist. I thought, my eyes are kinda pretty…maybe she liked them? Then I looked at my breast, I…I never really looked at them like this before I always thought they where kinda nice, I developed early, but…never really saw them as objects of desire before. I looked at them, remembering like, like how much my mom just seemed to…erm enjoy them. I…just, I became quickly embarrassed tbh, and even felt a little stupid, trying to think of what my own mother found best about me…haha*sigh*
Well…needless to say embarrassment quickly turned into shame *Sigh* and Shame quickly became anger. I was angry…angry at myself but wanting to put all the blame on her…I foolishly did and I just became filled with rage, so much rage it was like I woke up, my body just got all this energy and anger and I just I didn’t know where to place it like I needed to physically put it somewhere and I just looked at myself and I just was thinking how, like god how could I allow this happen, how could she do this to me, how just how. It just all built up too fast till finally I just grabbed the hand soap pump, fully prepared to throw at the mirror.
So…there I was looking at myself, my hand up in throwing motion, but I just I guess I stopped cuz I haha thought of how mad my mom would be, how it would cost money to repair it, and well it sounds dumb but I liked the mirror so that factored into it too. But…but then I erm…I thought again how much my mom use to get upset when my brother broke stuff when he got angry and how annoyed she gets even when we break stuff on accident and I …I just SCREAMED I MEAN I JUST SCREAMED and threw it with all my might at the mirror breaking the soap bottle thingy (it was a nice like glass thingy my grand ma bought me) And it just broke and the mirror had 2 giant cracks with a like huge gash where I threw it.
I stood there, looking at my handy work, and just I was just still so mad that I just grabbed my hair as tight as I could and pulled it back, still screaming, falling to my knees and once again, crying but this time just full blown weeping, shivering and all…It got so bad that I started to hic up and almost threw up. I even found myself over the toilet, but I didn’t.
So, ya… that happened lol. But after I calmed down finally, I got up and got dressed(slipped over a long black HBK t-shirt, and a pair of pink panties) To hell with matching! I didn’t care…My head was killing me and I was super freakin hungry…but didn’t feel exactly like cooking…lol. So I called my favorite pizza place! Deep dish sausage paddy with extra cheese..mmmmm 😛 Well while I was waiting…I was just like sorta bored and trying not to think of last night, so I decided to rent a movie on demand(Iron man in case any of you care.) Oh ya, not, that it’s important but I am a pretty big D/C fan! Im a hardcore comic girl…so let’s all hope man of steel rocks! Cuz I am tired of Marvel wtfpwnig the comic book movie world! I mean…ya batman is cool but really heath ledger’s joker made that trilogy special, the first one was ok, third one good, only the dark knight was a master piece.
Anyways…lol sorry now that that is out of my system…I will continue hehe…oh ya young justice rules! Ok ok I’m done 😛 So there I was watching Iron man, till finally I heard the door knocking. I quickly jumped up thinking THANK GOD! Lol…but to my dismay…lol dismay look at me being all fancy, anyways to my dismay! It wasn’t the pizza guy…
It’s like of all the people in the world I really didn’t want to see(other than my mom, or maybe I did want to see her who knows, surely not me) My dad…was at the door UGH. Ya…needless to say I was just taken back, I immediately was like…DAD?! I think if I recall correctly, my voice even crackled lol. Ya, so like I just..haha I stood there blocking him from entering till finally he knocked me back to reality. He was like “Uh…Move?” lol ya…that’s my dad for ya 😛 As he walked in he took a quick look around. Becoming oddly nervous as if somehow he had physic abilities and knew what had happened here last night, I questioned him as to why he was here.
Well he saw my pants on the floor, I watched him just stare at them. I just…my heart began to race like a thousand times faster than it should, I just all I could do from panicking was I just stabbed my inner hand with my nails telling myself SHUT UP in my head saying it’s not like it’s not normal to just have my pants laying around he has no idea your being an idiot! Then, it was like as if god was just messing with me, to make things worse my dad picked up my jeans, squeezing them feeling them. I was like “What are you doing?” Then..my body just lol, just let out a big sigh of relief as he went in my pocket and grabbed out my phone, his face giving me that…tisk tisk look hehe. He saw how like…panicy I was or how just calm I had become all of a sudden not sure, but he is not one to let something go. Soooo my dad being who he is quickly began to grill me asking me. “What’s wrong? Scared I was gonna find something else in your pants, and also keep your damn phone charged Kimberly!(he calls me full name when he is lecturing.)
Apparently he was worried all day because last he heard I was going by Ruben’s…and he had tried to call me to check up, but I guess I just let my phone die out and then he had been unable to reach my mom. (I found out years later that she actually felt too awkward to speak to him that day.
I told him no to his questions, but he was suspicious so he had begun to riffle through my pants pockets, which quite frankly pissed me off and I was already moody that day. So well haha honestly I just raged. I was like DAD STOP WTH. He just…typically laughed off my reaction telling me to calm down, which just made it so much worse so I walked up to him and snatched my pants, telling him not touch my things. He then went. HEY! You know in that way fathers do implying showing them respect, but I just rolled my eyes and said, dad Ruben dumped me, I am not in the mood.
You should know my dad has never been wonderful with the drama situations so his reaction haha was like “Ah fuck you okay?” lol. So ya I just was like “I’m fine.” But honestly I just wanted him to leave, nothing against him I just wanted to be left alone ya know? And also well like Ruben literally meant nothing to me haha being dumped really was soooo minor to me now. Well anyways, he wasn’t seeming to get the picture that I wanted to be left alone as he sat down on the couch. But quickly after he sat down, the pizza guy finally knocked.
My dad asked who that was. I told him I had ordered pizza, he haha said “Oh nice, from genoz?” I was like…yes…how we like it. I gave a faint smile as he got up to go pay for it, but honestly I just was thinking…o god he isn’t gonna go lol. So ya…my dad paid, placed the pizza on the table, opening it and taking a big sniff as if he had never smelled it before haha. I was like…”Dad I ordered that for myself!” And he looked at me and said “A large pizza for yourself? Also I paid!” I was like…well it’s not like I asked you too I was going to…You just sorta got to the door first, besides ! I was gonna eat it over the course of 2 or 3 days! My dad though just went “Bah I’ll get ya another one if you want it so bad in 3 days.” I …ugh panicking I just…honestly I just figured I’d play the truth card(half truth).
I simply just, half whispered to my dad, telling him that I love him and thanks for checking on me, but I really just need to be alone right now. I was hoping for a simple okay, maybe he takes a piece or two of pizza with him lol, but nope, nothing is ever that simple. He just grabbed a piece and sat down, pointing across from him, asking me to take a seat. I think I just like sighed and like made that motor sound with my lips haha.
So I did as he asked and sat down, but I just crossed my arms as I sat down, giving him a pretty undeservingly cold ”What?” He just well went on to tell me he was worried about me, he was worried about how I have been acting lately. He told me that he gets everyone has to go through a rough patch where they need to act out, but he specifically told me he was very unpleased in how I had been treating my mother…haha you could only imagine how just, tight my head got as I tried not to burst out in anger, and at same time had to begin fighting back the tears that was forming. It was like he just couldn’t of said anything worse as he had told me how he talked to my mom. And how she told him I just needed time I I JUST I JUST WANTED HIM TO SHUT UP. He was praising her like she was the best freakin mother ever. He was telling me how she told him to be patient that it’s a phase it will pass. He was telling me how much my mother loves me and how she would do anything for me….heh all I could think was he should know what she has fucking done TO me.
Anyways, I guess he misread my tears, but then again, what sane father would see his daughter in tears and go, oh hey you must be stressed over the sex with your mother LOL! So ya, misreading em, my dad just was all like, I am not saying this stuff to make you feel bad, I just want you to know your mother loves you, I love you blah blah blah. It’s like thanks but…you just don’t know.
Well needless to say lol tbh, my reaction as ummm less then positive as I just told him to please stop, that he has no idea what I am going through. My words where kind, but my tone was totally, hey piss off lol. Well you know how kids and parents are, we never think they understand, but they usually do, though in this case I truly don’t think he did. Though it did not stop him from giving me the old “Kim, listen I have been threw stuff in my life.” He even gave me the you think your ma and I breaking up was easy on me speech -_-. Honestly though the oddest thing happen, I was watching my dad talk to me, being you know…a father…a parent and I just, well I melted as dumb as that may sound, I just melted and completely instantly relaxed.
I just ha, I almost laughed but I just smiled and said thanks dad. He haha my dad is a pretty funny guy 😛
So my dad was just like “No prob…so we good? Did I fix ya?” I just glared at him and was like um I wasn’t broke and you were doing great till then you jerk. So lol anyways after that it was pretty normal we talked about how big of a jerk Ruben is(I lied a little) And we both knew it was me who was the bitch but it was really relaxing bashing the guy who dumped me with my dad haha. Oh also I am a horrible sister 😛 BUT HE IS A BAD Dad cuz we both had a good laugh at my brother who apparently had got mugged? I think mugged, what is it called when you fall asleep in the and someone takes your backpack lol.
So ya the rest of the day more or less was easy, we restarted the movie, I got a mini lecture of how I only ate 1 piece of pizza and how wasteful it was to order a large haha, you know just normal stuff..and god was it what I needed just some normal time with a parent. I think about half way through the final fight scene of iron man I just fell asleep, cuddle up against my dad, smiling and just not even thinking about her or the night before.
So, I guess despite having a well night of good sleep, I think I was just emotionally drained. I slept for a few hours apparently and my dad had seem to fallen asleep as well holding me hehe. Everything was just, a close to perfect as it could have been considering. But then…she came home. I was woken up by the door closing, and my mom going “Robert???” My mom ha just seemed so thrown that my dad was over. I remember her cracking her neck(which she sometimes does when she is caught off guard).
My dad quickly jumped up, which kinda made me sad, I even….grabbed onto him trying to keep him for just a moment longer, I loved the feeling of his chest, his smell, NOT IN A SEXUAL WAY AT ALL I never have ever had feelings for my father, just…I was that father feel, like I was safe with him and I just didn’t want to him to go. Sadly though, my little attempt to hold onto him failed as he just laughed me off and got up, resting my hands back onto the couch.
There was a quick conversation between the two, my mom asking why he was there and my dad asking why she wasn’t picking up her phone. I am not sure if my mom lied or just happen to have a good reason, but the reason she gave was, she was in a meeting with a client and had her phone muted. I remember my dad like, blowing out like his lips got big as he blew out and that’s simply his typical “im tired im out guys.” tell. He even stretched, yawning, looking at me. It took everything in me to not cry, it literally took my complete effort to just, not cry.
He asked if I felt better, if I was alright now. Heh it’s weird. I remember feeling like, trapped like plz don’t leave me alone with her! But there was nothing keeping me there? There was nothing stopping me but myself from leaving, from not being alone with her, simply me, weird huh? Too feel trapped but only to be trapped by yourself lol.
My mom walked my dad out the door, I think they talked for a minute or two, not sure what about but I didn’t feel like waiting for my mom to come in and say or do something, so I simply got up off the couch and glided half dazed to my room, locking the door and just falling on my bed, and rolling up into the center. I laid there, just waiting for her, finally I heard her walking down the hall, stopping in front of my door. There wasn’t even a second of silence, the second she reached my door she immediately knocked, turning the handle, unsuccessfully trying to enter my room.
I didn’t say a work I just sat up and looked at the door, my heart began to feel as if it was sinking down into my stomach. I was expecting her to say open the door, or something, ask how I was? Ask to talk, I don’t know, all I know is she did none of those. Instead she merely asked if I needed anything. I told her I just wanted to be left alone right now. And with a simple alright, I heard her walk away.
So I pretty much laid there for just awhile, not sure how long wasn’t even sure what time it was I am guessing pass 6, considering my mom gets home around 5:30-6 usually. Anyways I got up, bored? But unwilling to leave my room, so I went to my shelves and finally gave in haha. My friend Amy had been trying to get me to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer for like EVER, so I figured what the hell I grabbed the season 1 and figured I will finally give it a shot, she did buy me all 7 seasons after all lol…sorta lame b-day gift when you wanted so many other things, but oh well lol.
Okay I got to say, did not click with me at all the only reason I even got through 4 episodes was because I had NOTHING ELSE TO DO…you know alone…cuz see, I didn’t just not want to leave my room, I really did want to be left alone at that moment. So I just so you all know, it wasn’t for like another year+ Did I finally watch all of Buffy haha. So it was like 11 and I was annoyingly wide awake, it was a Saturday night too so all my friends that didn’t hate me lol where asking me to go out with them. And a few times I will admit I almost just called one or two and told em to come meet up with me but I just never got to it cuz, well…well I had started to wonder what my mom was doing heh.
I hadn’t heard from her and I wonder if she had gone to sleep. But as I wondered if she was sleeping my mind started to think of many other things. What was she thinking all day? Was she really just okay with everything? I thought to myself it makes sense I mean she had wanted this longer then I right? And well I still wasn’t sure if I wanted it even after it had happened. As I walked back and forth in my room, I started to have an urge to go talk to her, to just speak to her but had no idea about what. And foolishly I walked back and forth in my room thinking how to talk to her, do I go hey mom, how was your day? Or do I just gah I don’t even know I actually thought that I just it was stressful wanting, needing to do something and having no idea why, or even exactly what you wanted.
Finally I gave up and told my friends I was going to sleep for the night I wasn’t feeling good which was a lie cuz I was just I had slept a lot that day so I was simply just too awake, despite really wanting nothing more than to just close my eyes and sleep. Eventually, it wasn’t even the need that had me to see my mom tbh lol it was simply boredom, I was bored out of my mind and nothing seemed to be able to keep my interest, so I finally left my room, and slowly very slowly, taking each step to make sure I was ready for…w/e…and well …heh It was that walk to my room that, my body had begun to tingle.
I was taking my time and getting knots in my stomach, wondering now that if I came to her room at night, would she get the wrong idea? Would she think I wanted a repeat of last night? And then as I was outside her door, It was as if that walk from room to room was enough to just go back and forth 100000000 times on what I wanted, and now that I was in front of her door, I was no closer to knowing. All I knew was my body was tingling, my breast were…feeling ticklish? Haha like little fingers were crawling all over them and my stomach was all in knots. I ten asked myself in my mind, had I come here for something? Am I that messed up in the head that I was bored so I went to my mom to…um what? Entertain me? *sigh*
I had decided that I was already there and I was going to at least just, talk to her, but honestly I was so nervous that my shoulders were shaking and I literally no joke was so nervous also that I debated on if I should just walk in or knock for like 3 minutes. I went with the little but quick knock on the door(you know the loud ones you make that are short but fast and when you want to wake someone up or get them out of the bathroom like ASAP) :P.
About like half a second went by without a response lol, so I gave it another quick knock. Then I heard my mom going “Hold on! 1 Second!” My hands clutched open and closed when I heard her voice, I was nervous, but I think, I don’t know maybe it’s just how I feel today, but I think I might have been a little excited. Anyways! The door opened and my mom was wearing only a robe, that she had tightly closed. She was clearly asleep as she was rubbing her eyes, yawning a little. I remember looking at her and smiling a little, she was…so cute. I stood lol oddly quiet, not sure why but I just wanted her to greet me or something, I just didn’t want to ask to come in, I just didn’t. After she gathered herself a little, she looked at me and with a smile asked me what’s up haha…I just, awkwardly responded, telling her I couldn’t sleep, gulping hard and scratching my head, annoyingly aware of what I was doing and screaming at myself to stop being like such a freakin idiot lol.
Well, as I raged at myself in my head, my mom finally gave me the greeting I wanted lol. She just asked, so gently and welcoming, almost like she sounded younger if that makes sense. “Kim, want to come in?” I just nodded a little and said sure. So I came in…and haha god I was so lame back then, I sorta just stood in the room looking around as if I never been in it…haha…Ya…lol. My mom made me jump so much when she put her hands gently but VERY unexpectedly on my shoulders, massaging them for probably half a sec, cuz when I jumped I must of startled her because she quickly let go and apologized.
I lol was like, sorry! Back to her sorry? Haha I know odd but w/e…So like was maybe 2-5 seconds of just awkward silence before my mom just sat on the bed and placed her hands on her laps, gave me a very well what felt like a very sincere motherly smile and asked me what’s up. I sorta just walked around the bed looking at it, thinking how odd it was that that is where it happened, while I just wondered how it must of looked from this point of view. I had heard her, but I had yet to respond so my mom just again asked me
What’s up but this time adding a “Are you okay sweetie?”
My gaze quickly shifted from the bed back to her, I just I didn’t know what to say so I nodded my head no…I nodded my no in response to “What do you want” only issue is…she didn’t ask that haha. So I guess there was a little mess up in communications, it’s like I knew what she said I just was having issues forming words, and she just looked at me very concern and asked me what was wrong. I finally stopped, and with a hard gulp that made my ears popped a little, I said I was fine. My mom asked if I was sure, and I went back to nodding as a response.
Feeling weak in the knees, I sat on the edge of the bed opposite of my mom, but for some reason I felt really really like fluttered and I stood back up, apologizing and asking if it was alright for me to sit down. My mom just haha she laughed at me =( Not like a crazy mean HAHAHA IDIOT FAIL laugh just a little chuckle, giggle? She laughed and I just sighed feeling stupid, I guess causing her to put her hand over her mouth in a very VERY bad attempt in trying to stop herself from laughing.
Okay so this is probably where you are gonna think im a total child/brat but I was thinking of the day I had…the mirror..I broke and how mad I had been earlier, now I didn’t feel angry at all in that moment but I stupidly wanted to…So I tried to muster up some anger and I snapped at her laughing and shouted “It’s not funny! God what is wrong with you!”…My mom immediately then stopped laughing, and she just sighed her head tilted and her eyes wary. She just took a deep breath and said “Baby please, let’s not fight, let’s just talk okay? How was your day?” She asked…
I dunno, maybe I was spent, I had let out all my anger, but when she asked I tried to act upset, I tried to frown my brows and be pissed, but honestly I just the words that came out came out filled with tears as I told her about the mirror I broke…I think I told you earlier how my mom is about breaking stuff its really one of her buttons, like it hits a nerve. So I sorta cried expecting her to rage but she …haha clearly wanted to cuz she started getting worked up, her nose flared open. But haha she let out a long whistle blow? Not sure what to call it lol. I apologized, I said that I would pay for it(not sure how lol). She just looked at me though and just said its fine. But after I guess it was really annoying her cuz she got up and I was like “Wait it’s really bad I haven’t cleaned it yet” (no idea what I would of done tom ake it look better) I was just talking out of panic. But she got up and just walked out, I quickly followed to my bathroom where she entered first, I stood at the door as she was in the middle of the room, hands on her hips as she looked at the mirror and the shattered glass hand pump thingy all over the sink.
“I’m sorry” I said again. She, clear as day trying very hard to restrain herself, asked why. I…I told her I didn’t know. And I started to cry again and this time bad I just slouched my side against the door and slid down the door and asked “Mom I am so fucked up what do I do?” I guess thinking about it, it’s probably messed up to ask the person who is sorta the problem, but I just wanted my mommy. *sigh*My mom I remember hand shook hysterically at the mirror, telling me not to even worry about that, that its nothing, she quickly was on the floor with me, her hands again on my shoulders, rubbing them, trying to relax me as she said “Kimmy listen to me, there is nothing wrong with you, I just, I am stupid okay? I put too much on you baby, this is me not you, alright?”
I heard her words, and I could tell she meant it, but I just shook my head no, cuz despite how sincere she was, I knew the truth. I response licking my teeth and biting my tongue, shaking my head in disagreement till finally the words just came pouring out. “I made you mom, it’s me, I…I made you, I made you” And then I just became a broken record repeating those words, until my own shame became too great and I covered my face with my hands, and just wept into them hardcore.
My mom now was rubbing the side’s of my shoulders furiously, telling me to please stop, to please listen to her. I heard her but I just wanted to just explode in that moment, I just wanted to curl up in a ball and became small, I felt torn and I just kept on crying, heaving now extremely bad into my hands. I just kept on till my mom said something that just shocked me out of it. She said “Kimberly! Listen to me I wanted last night to happen, I played as if you were forcing me so you felt in control, but the truth is.” Then she paused and her hands went on mine, pulling my hands away from my face. I was shaking still from crying so hard, but I looked directly into her now tearful face, tears running down each side. She then said it again “Listen to me” She asked if I was and I weakly nodded up and down. “Listen to me, I wanted to be with you I was selfish, I was wrong, you want to be mad baby, be mad at me I am a monster. When I heard you broke up with Ruben, honest to god I was just hoping in my fucked up mind, that you’d run into my arms.”
I searched her eyes to see if she meant it, or was just saying what I needed to hear, but as I saw her eyes squint in….in shame? I saw she meant it, she had got what she wanted. She continued though. “I am so sorry, I truly just want you happy more than anything, but Kim I am in love with you.” And that was it…I have heard her tell me over months now that she had fallen in love with the person I have grown into, but it’s different, people can say the words a 100 different ways, but nothing is like hearing someone say they are IN LOVE WITH YOU, just 4 words simple as that, yet far more, revealing than any other words. I mean it, for anyone who disagrees well fine, but if she had said Kim I am in love with my daughter, or kim I am in love with who you have become or anything else, I wouldn’t of done what I did next. I placed my hands on the side of her face and kissed her. I was caught up in the kiss, her lips on mine again, still at this point it felt so wrong but so good. I now miss that feeling as I have grown use to my mother’s lips on mine.
Sadly the feeling did not stay as anger, actually did form again in me, I broke the kiss remembering, playing back what she had just told me. I was furious at the thought and I asked straight out, almost yelling it “Are you just using me now? Hoping I just give you what you want again cuz you told me you loved me?” My mom put her hands on my knees and shook her head no and told me. “I never used you Kim and I never will I swear to god I won’t, but I won’t lie to you about anything like this. I love you and I don’t think I ever will stop being in love with you. Okay? But that said. I am your mother and I will protect you from anything even myself, and if you want this to end it will end. I just won’t lie to you and pretend that I am not hopeful that you may return my love.”
I sat there, taking in every word but honestly just blushed, my mom was telling me she was in love with me over and over and she was telling me she wanted me. I liked the parts where she said she was still my mother, but I just…I could really only think about the parts where she said she loved me, the part of returning her love. So I just sat there thinking, my mom patiently staying silent just rubbing my knees gently, not rushing me at all, it was nice.
Heh to be honest I knew my answer to the question she hadn’t technically asked, the second she was done speaking, I knew I was going to kiss her and I knew I wanted to be with her again, but I stood there, scared, trying to find a way to be strong and resist, but I was weak lol and thank god for it. Finally I looked at her and…in my cute sorta kiddy voice I asked her if maybe we can um….go back to her room. My mom let out a little chuckle and winked at me saying of course.
So ya…lol we went to her room and as we entered I lol figured better use this a little to my advantage and was like “So you aren’t mad about the mirror right?” She…haha okay honestly I swear I am not an idiot but her reaction still so caught me off guard. She just went “Na you will make up for it.” And she winked at me and….undid her robe, letting it just fall open………I I just felt so stupid I was like “Mom..that isn’t funny don’t say that.” My mom just curled her lips and nodded, walking to me and putting her arms on my shoulders, her hands resting well pass my head as she just said “Ok, im sorry” ina very none serious tone, and she even immediately after leaned in and kissed me. This kiss I think, was our first kiss where I actually was moaning quite a bit, I wasn’t so nervous this time but still was plenty, but I was enjoying myself much more, really kissing her back with everything I had….I even for first time was bold a little and put both my hands on her waist…
She was the one to break the kiss as she took a step back, slipping her robe off and letting it fall to the floor. I just stood there looking at her, almost biting my lip but it was as if I lost control of my body and my lip wouldn’t move correctly haha. She then said “How about we give old shawn a break.” (okay for you people who don’t know HBK=Shawn Michaels the dude on my t-shirt). So ya my mom came to me and I think she was gonna help me take my shirt off but I just nodded my head and said “ok” and quickly slipped it off…I think she was gonna help me cuz she went “oh” and let out a little giggle like..okay then that works kind of laugh.
My mom then smiled and just reached over and gave my nipple a quick pinch *sigh* haha. I twitched and she just lifted her head forward for a sec saying “how about you get fully comfortable.” I ..only took a second to get what she meant as I grabbed my panties to bring em down, but she told me wait. Then she told me to “Take them off slow baby, please.” So…remembering the night before I, leaned forward and stuck my bum out, and began to slip them slowly but honestly I felt WAY TO EMBARASSED I just haha strip teasing my mom I so was not up for that yet, so I just went “Na I’m good” And just yanked back up straight and pulled em down fast, stepping out of them and just kicking em off to the floor.
My mom rolled her eyes and told me I was no fun lol! But what she did next made me feel so stupid she, leaned down and grabbed my panties, she held em stretched out for me to see…She then brought it to her face and just inhaled them. Then after…o god haha I actually don’t even want to type this part, she lowered them, keeping both of her eyes sharply on mine as she bit down on the edge of my panties, pulling them with her teeth and letting them snap out of her mouth. I just..lol I felt so just GAH I just sat down for a sec before rolling to the center of the bed….taking the same spot as I did the night before. She laughed at me, making me feel stupidly and for some reason I covered my breast, whining and asking her “WHAT?!” My mom just started laughing actually kinda hard and it was upsetting me. But I felt so dumb that I didn’t even rage I was just like “Mom please stop.”
She could totally tell how I said it that she really was hurting my feelings but she seemed to have a hard time stopping she just said “Baby I’m sorry you just are too adorable, you just.” Then she started laughing again…but I was like MOM! And she was like “I am so sorry just(while laughing) I am just, you are just so cute my baby girl, only you would just get into position like that.” I…ugh I felt like my face was on fire I quickly jumped up and was like “I’m sorry I just…please stop laughing! I just thought you wanted to…do um what…what we did…sorry.” And my mom just was like awww baby you are TOO CUTE. And she crawled on the bed, finally thankfully stopped laughing more or less, she came up to me and gave me a quick kiss. Raising her brows though she than went, sorta of asking but not really. “So you liked what I did last night huh?”
I just I had never felt more retarded in my life, I was just like “No I just, thought you wanted to do that…stuff again.” I swear the second the words left my mouth I was like REALLY KIM? REALLY?! She just snapped her fingers and pointed at me going ”riiight” Honestly I was just pass embarrassed so I was just like “Can we please just move on.” My mom just smile, biting her lips and letting the her lip pop out as she said “Sure we can.” She then…told me to go back lay down, get comfy she said…then teased me and said “take your position!” I was like MOM! She was like “Okay okay, I’m done.” So ya…I…as she put it…took the position and laid back at the center of the bed. So..I laid there now feeling kinda dumb after that whole ordeal…lol.
My mom…looked at me up and down, making me blush *sigh* She then stroked her chin and said “I changed my mind, rollover…” I was like …um…no? lol. Then she…uhhh lol she placed her hand on my stomach and rubbed it over my stomach playfully telling me to come on and not be shy ._. I just..I TOLD her FINE and I got up just to stop her from doing the hand thing on my stomach, she use to do that to me when I was little trying to get me to stop throwing a fit but …ya it was kinda creeping me out now tbh. So I got up and…I rolled over to my stomach, feeling really off setting, I mean I of course laid my face flat and turned it, to look at her but it just…I felt very just like I said off.
Anyways, so there I was, on my stomach and my mom just, lol did something VERY unexpected, she put her hands on each of my sides and pushed down semi hard on my back. I remember grunting but moaning I was like holy crap that feels fucking awesome! She was like “See, just listen to your mother! Relax okay?” And I just placed my face forward and nodded (assuming she saw me) Cuz she went up my back and pushed again. I, even till today I love having her push on my back it feels great, I have tried to have others do it and I dunno maybe cuz I have only ever had guys do it other than her and it’s usually they hurt, but it felt really good that night having her do it. So haha she did that for about 5 min and she punched my back also, rubbed it really good, all total probably like 10 min hehe. And then she stopped.
After helping me relax hehe, my mom gave me a quick kiss on my back, asking me if I felt a little better…I …I just honestly felt so much more relax but she gives such great massages that I said, trying to be adorable but half serious “5 more minutes and I’ll be great! Please and ty!” She hates when I say plz and ty 😛 But I guess she really wanted me to just feel relaxed, cuz she said okay sweetie and kissed my back again and rubbed my back some more, my neck and she finished by rubbing my head, I WAS IN HEAVEN, honestly I never had anyone give me a massage before, and I had…been stressed lately and I guess she just knew what I needed heh…
Anyways we chatted also during it was actually …nice I am so happy she did that cuz it did completely relax me, and it just, I needed that not just the massage but the conversation, we talked about my friend Lisa, work, and my dad’s crazy obsession with Genoz pizza. So…I guess after my mom was done, she got close to my ear and said, well asked …um “So ready to really relax now babe?” …God after the massage and stuff I dunno I just loved when she called me babe now 😛
I just, I knew what she meant so I was a little hesitant, also I sorta just wanted her to keep rubbing me 😛 but I just nodded yes. And I began to roll over. But my mom stopped me going “No no Kimmy, just relax stay down.” I just…I was like erm okay, kinda just assuming she was gonna rub me some more haha! Maybe my legs? I dunno all I know was I loved being spoiled like this!
Little pause for a moment, my mom totally must of wanted me for awhile cuz I remember thinking how the hell is this woman single, she is only 18 years older then I (yep that’s right 36) She highly above average, she is no model but she looks 28 ish, and I just I don’t get how the hell someone else didn’t snatch her up lol, I guess SHE IS PICKY.
Okay back to the good parts 😛 sorry. So like I was laying there expecting some more back rubbing but instead she said…very um cute yet seductively. “Do me a favor baby girl, please lift your beautiful ass for me.” Haha I …god I remember my reaction I just was 100% like “WHAT?! NO?” I even tried lfiting my head but she playfully pushed my head back down and went “Come on, stop playing the shy card hun, just ask yourself this, okay?” I just…whispered okay in response. “Just ask yourself if you want mommy to make you cum really hard, if so then do I say!” I …lol I was like…ma…don’t like talk like that. She then asked if I really didn’t like when she does. I just shrugged and told her maybe I just need time to get use to it, I am just so use to hearing her talk a certain way it’s crazy to hear her talk like this now…to me.
So my mom…being the smartass she is, grabbed my cheeks and started massaging them going “Ok then.” Her voice…changed like she was telling me to do my homework and she simply said “Kimberly Blank Blank (no offense don’t want to get my middle and last name) Lift your ass right now young lady.” I…haha I am not sure if that is exactly what I had in mind im 99.9% sure it wasn’t but I sorta liked it so I obeyed, besides she was already…um spreading my cheeks and stuff so that also kinda helped in the sense that it would have been stupid to show off to her what she was already …playing with?
So I did as she said, lifting my butt in the air, my knees sliding up the bed into the blanket. My mom placed her hands on my waist, assist me in raising my butt in presentation for her…*sigh* So ya…there I was, my arms up and crossed, forehead resting on them with my knees up on the bed, my butt up in the air, breast only nipples touching barely the bed. She wasted no time…I just I didn’t even get a moment to be embarrassed of the pose I was in as she just got behind me and dove right in…
It caught me so off guard that I jumped a little yelping “wait wait hold on!” But she did not even slow down, she gliding her hands up and down my cheeks while she licked my pussy in up and down in circles…I, felt so much more naughty being in this position…I felt…degraded, and…more on display I suppose. Which may not make sense but it is what it is. I moaned and shivered and a part of me truly displeased the position I was in but anytime I would try to protest, all that would escape my lips was the word mom between the moans I could not help but release.
After about if I had to guess 5 minutes, I had my first orgasm of the night, but as my body tightened and my mind just exploded, my mom did not slow at all, instead she rewarded my orgasm with a finger inside me…It was…too much never had I had something truly inside me other then myself, and now my mother, it was my mother that was inside. I felt her finger wiggle around inside me and I felt violated, not …erm not bad just I felt like, like I was truly being touched, like a part of me that wasn’t supposed to be touched by her was just hers to do with as she pleased. It was crazy how much my body my entire body just focused on this 1 little finger in me that seemed to control my entire body with every motion it did.
My mom now removing her mouth from my ass, she now adjusted herself to the side of me…keeping her middle finger inside me, the rest of her hand squeezing my butt. With her other hand she glidded over my back, calling me a good girl and how beautiful I was, but it was when she said “God I love you Kim.” that just sent me over the edge, I came again, and this time I could feel my body tighten its grip on her finger as if it didn’t want to let it go I felt so……so..just silly to have something in me moving around so much I somehow wanted to hide my insides from it, but at the same time…I wanted more…so much more.
As she continued to just finger me…her finger rubbing me inside, with her free hand she was now gently flicking at my nipple, she continued to do this, asking me how it felt, asking me if I loved it. I never gave her an answer…I just moaned and yelped as I came for the third time, and with my third orgasm she seemed to almost jump by how it felt back behind her, diving her face back in, and making…very very loud slurping noises which just….made me feel so GAH it was like she was literally pushing how much my mind could take as I nearly caused my lips to bleed I bit them so hard.
Finally and I mean finally after 3 major orgasms and many little ones that followed after, she stopped, but only for briefest of moments as she placed her hands on my waist, and roughly and forcefully turned me over. My arm even hurt as it was stuck for a second before I popped it out from half underneath me. I looked at her and she just had this grin, this grin like she….she was having the time of her life, I just…what could I do but smile back. My legs I kept wide as I was so exhausted, gasping for air. But she was not done with me yet. No…she now crawled over me, keeping herself hovering above me with her hands on the side of me, I shivered though as I looked at her breast, and felt her thighs touch my own.
My eyes were half shut as she kissed me, but they shot open with surprise as I ..I tasted…I tasted me on her lips…and it was…different. My mom broke the kiss raising herself, smiling and telling me again that she loves me. I just…I think I cried a little, but my eyes also looked down as I saw and felt her hand find its way to my pussy again…inserting it’s self back in, her thumb rubbing my clit as her middle finger twirled and thrust its way around and in me. My head jerked back as I had a ripple of little orgasms shoot through my body…my mom leaned down (sorta impressive imo considering she was holding herself up with 1 arm pretty much did a 1 arm push up, well I mean she was half laying on me but not the point!) And she lowered herself taking my breast into her mouth…and that right there was my first o god moment, where I just came screaming the words oh god.
As I came my mom bit on my nipple and pushed on my clit, and her finger picked up much speed, and she just kept on and kept on forcing my body to rise. She took her mouth off my breast as my body rised, she just wouldn’t stop her finger jabbing its self in and out of me so fast and I just it was too much I was so sensitive all I was doing now was going “mom mom mom mom” I wanted to say mom enough plz but only mom kept coming out as I just had the most powerful by far orgasm ever and she just wouldn’t I even started to push for her to get off me, but that only seemed to make her try to go faster though impossible I think. I started to wiggle now, the sensation becoming unbearable I pleaded now “Mom plz stop mom!” but instead of stopping she latched back to my breast, sucking and making popping sounds as I wiggled out of her mouth uncontrollably. Finally and god do I mean finally she slowed down, I am guessing her hand got tired….lol. She didn’t remove her finger though…simply stopped leaving her finger resting in me and letting her body just relax on top of me.
My breathing was so fast it was actually hurting a little haha. My hands where now on my mother’s back, just feeling her back and holding her in..I think gratefulness? I think it’s normal to just be grateful when someone makes you feel like that. My mom’s breast were smashed against me half on mine half below them, my mom looking up at me, swearing haha I guess she really gave it her all, and I just looked down at her and around the room thinking what the hell just happened that, beyond words.
After just laying there for many minutes, my extremely sensitive body jumped entirely as my mom finally removed her finger, pushing up and getting off me. I…I was hot and sticky it wasn’t like the night before where I got a great orgasm this was…more and my body had felt like it just had been through a huge ordeal(I guess it was). I was hot…really hot…like I felt like just spent and on fire. My mom sat up, and looked at me, giving me another wink and about to say something but I said “No mom great job.” And she just laughed like a quick laugh and then made a very adorable face, her brows up as she said “Well thanks.” I just…I…then asked if I may ask for 1 more thing. And..her response brought tears to my eyes. “Anything Kim, I’m yours.” I…I asked her if maybe…if she didn’t mind and keep in mind I was still breathing quite hard so it took 10 seconds extra to get the words out, but I was like mom…maybe even If you wake up first, you can stay in bed till I wake up please.
My mom looked at me, tears now formed in her eyes and she said “Kim I am sorry about this morning…” She seemed like she was gonna go on but I just shook my head and said plz don’t, just lets think about tonight, just promise me when I wake up you will be there. She tilted her head down and said “I promise, I will never leave you.” She then got up and went and got a blanket again, I watched her for just a moment but then I just laid back with the biggest grin on my face, thinking how foolish I had been today for not be okay with this, for being so angry. My mom came back to bed with the blanket, and two pillows, she helped my head up and placed 1 under me, and tossing the blanket over me. She then proceeded to slip under the blanket and putting her arm around my stomach, kissing my cheek and saying she loved me, and finally before I closed for my eyes for the night, I said it back. “I love you…Lesley.” Although she gave me this really shocked look cuz I used her name and we both just laughed a little well more her I more just weakly giggled, I was exhausted :P. Anyways she held me and I asked for TV on and fell asleep to something and my mom holding me hehe.
So ya that’s the um tale of the day after, I truly hope you enjoyed and I would love feedback, this was much harder to recall seeing as I had to try to remember a day specifically but I tried my hardest to do well.
Oh ya P.S. Since I had started sharing my mom and I relationship, I have been met with expected but I feel stupid anger and insults towards us. You know what to all you haters out there, I simply have this to say. I am not the smartest or the wises person out there, but I have learned this in my life time. Love is weak and fragile. Love conquers nothing. Love is something that must be protected, and more importantly fought for. That’s what I did throughout my life that’s what we did, we fought for love and happiness, can you say the same?