Chapter Sixteen
“So, first of all, I’m sorry,” Lexi began as we found our table.
“Ah, so Morgan’s talked to you already,” I replied with humor, sitting down.
I put the straw in my drink as Lexi pouted at me. “I’m allowed to feel sorry without Morgan telling me anything!” she defended herself.
I put on a faux blank expression. “Oh, so she didn’t talk to you?”
She blushed. “Look… I…”
I chuckled. “Apology accepted.”
“No, you haven’t even heard it yet. That’s not fair.” She wasn’t turning any less pink. “I just thought we had… something happening and I… just wanted to ask if Morgan was…”
“You never thought to ask me?” I asked, my tone not accusatory.
She looked at me with urgency. “I thought we already said everything in the, uh, in the clothes store that one time,” she replied earnestly. “You said, ‘who knows?’ I remember that word for word. ‘Who knows.’”
“Yeah, word for word. All two words,” I dryly replied. Lexi didn’t say anything, mostly because her mouth was full of bubble tea, so I continued. “But that was a hypothetical if I wasn’t dating Morgan. And, uh, maybe you’ve noticed, but I’m still dating her.”
Lexi gave me a weird look. “But… she said it was cool. So why…?”
“Lexi, what if I want to be monogamous while I’m dating Morgan? What if I-” I stopped myself.
She caught on anyway. “…You were going to say something about how Taylor nearly screwed things up or something?” she inferred.
“I meant to ask you, how the fuck did you find out about that?”
Lexi laughed nervously. “Yeah, no,” she immediately rebutted.
“No, really, I need to know.”
“And no really, I can’t tell,” she responded emphatically. “Just… who gives a shit, you know? Why can’t we just go with the flow? No one’s angry at each other, no one’s-”
“Taylor refuses to hang out with the group if I’m there and Milo and I are still awkward,” I contested.
“Whatever. Fuck that. Do you want me or not? Because you’re giving me some fucking mixed signals,” she barked.
“Calm down,” I defensively replied.
“I just don’t like how you always have to be right about stuff. Like, isn’t what you have nice?”
“It makes me nervous when I don’t know why, or if people are hiding stuff from me. Tay- well I guess you know now, but Taylor was the fucking queen of hiding stuff from me. I’m not trying to be right, I’m showing you what happened and how it affected the group when the fallout from that stuff happened. I’m allowed to be nervous if you know but only laugh when I ask how you know.”
“I didn’t laugh!” she protested.
“Well, I mean, it was like a nervous laugh, but it was a laugh.”
“Quinn, I’m not telling you because I know it’ll be a shitshow if I tell you and you track down everybody involved. You’re kind of a drama magnet, dude.”
“I-!” I breathed in and out a few times, and ran my tongue over my teeth. “Okay, whatever,” I conceded. “Who cares.”
“Right?” she agreed. “Who cares? So can we get back to the, um… y’know… the ‘me’ thing.”
I smirked. Classic Lexi. “So-”
“And, like, again, I’m sorry if I made you feel like a sex toy or something. Like, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want it,” she quickly added. “But like, you did say you wanted it, and if you didn’t, it sounded a lot like you did.”
I paused for a bit. “…So, I….” I looked at the ceiling for a bit and moved my mouth around in thought. “I know that… I find you physically attractive. But, I know a big part of me wants Morgan and only Morgan. I just don’t know if that’s all of me.”
“Wow, Quinn, that’s deep,” Lexi said with big eyes, clearly meaning it.
“I know you have… needs… and that you’re kind of jealous you don’t have what your friends have. Is that fair to say?”
Lexi immediately opened her mouth like she was going to protest, but just ended up sitting back in her chair. “Yeah,” she huffed. “It’s fair.” She pushed for a bit. “It’s just so unfair! Morgan got to have you by going into a GameStop and acting dumb. Taylor got to fuck you with this cute tutor thing! Me, I’m like, a hundred percent honest, and I get this ‘oh I dunno’ crap.”
In classic Lexi style, she practically shouted the part about Taylor fucking me with no regard for who was around. Nervously looking around me, I replied, “Lexi, I do feel for you, but by the time I even could feel you were attractive, I was already with Morgan, and already experiencing headaches from my infidelity.”
“You were a Muslim? What?” Lexi asked with confusion.
“Lexi, Jesus Christ!” I nearly shouted in disappointment. “That’s really racist! No, ‘infidelity’ means, like, cheating.” Catching her look of confusion, I sighed and kept talking. “You’re thinking of an ‘infidel,’ which is someone who doesn’t believe in your religion. So if you heard Muslims, or, y’know, Christains or any other religion, saying ‘infidel,’ it just means ‘you’re not like me.’”
“What was the point again?” Lexi asked, possibly not even listening to my response to her choice of words.
“By the time I found you attractive, I was already with Morgan, and thanks somewhat to Taylor, I didn’t like fooling around with others. But also, I just… like being just with Morgan. It feels nice for it to just be one person.”
She chewed on her straw. “Doesn’t seem fair,” she finally managed.
“I won’t even disagree with you. It probably isn’t,” I replied evenly. “But you’re not the only person involved in this.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she said bitterly.
“And I’m not the only guy for you,” I reasoned further.
“Yeah, but don’t you like me?”
“Lexi, of course I like you, the whole group likes you.”
She gave me a look like I was stupid. “Okay, let me say it in your disconnected nerd way. Don’t you feel a seckshuwal ae-ttraction to-wards me?”
“I don’t talk like that,” I said half-defensively and half-laughing. “And yes, obviously I do or else this conversation would have been really quick. But I only started feeling that connection once I was with Morgan. It took time to get to know you, you know, like humans do.”
“Quinn, that’s not how any of this works at all,” Lexi replied. “Guys never see it like that. All guys have their own, like, hotness meter, where girls are on this one-to-ten thing of like… ‘yeah, I’d bone them.’ And it doesn’t matter what situation the guy is in, that girl is always a seven or like a ten or something.”
“…Lexi, what the fuck are you talking about?” I asked, trying to understand her but completely failing.
“You’re an alien, Quinn! You’re a fuckin’ alien man. Any guy in Hazelwood would fuckin kill for what you had and, like, what you’re getting. And you’re sitting here all, ‘Hmm, I don’t want that.’” Her imitation of me came with this pretentious British accent.
“So just because other guys would want it, I have to magically change myself to want something I don’t want?” I countered.
“So you don’t want me, so just say that. I can take it!” she replied right back.
“First of all, I never said that. I clearly do want you,” I countered again.
“And yet you’re making it all complicated. Drama magnet,” Lexi replied, calm as the ocean.
I sputtered, but no words came out. She gave me this knowing smirk, playing with the straw with her tongue. I watched her and found myself giving this low chuckle. “Fuck you,” I finally said.
“When and where?” she playfully responded, before resuming what she was doing with her tongue, not even bothering to sip her drink anymore.
I stared at her a little longer, then felt the adrenaline flow through me. I stood up and changed my seat to the one next to her, barely breathing correctly. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this nervous. She stopped playing with her straw and just looked at me with the most blank unassuming expression I’d ever seen from her, and watched as I slowly lowered my face to hers. Unable to stop her smile, she closed the rest of the gap and we shared our first kiss.
Lexi was, as expected, enthusiastic. Nearly from the second our lips touched, she moaned into the kiss, which remained closed-mouth but lasted for a surprising amount of time. I’m sure if Lexi had her way it would have been open-mouth but we were still in a public place. As soon as we pulled away I looked around nervously to find, to my relief, that barely anyone was there and the few people that were here were clearly looking away from us.
“You’re supposed to look me in the eyes after we kiss, dummy,” Lexi complained from behind me.
“I’m an alien man. Give me time,” I joked back.
“But I don’t even know if you want… or like, liked it,” she continued.
I looked back at her, looking into her eyes to find insecurity. And… care, in a weird way. I smiled. “I’m unsure of a lot of my feelings, but I liked it, Lexi. And I like you. Okay?”
“Okay,” she replied with a smile of her own. “But also, like… I’m not trying to, like, replace Morgan.”
My smile didn’t wane. “Good, because no one will.”
She rolled her eyes. “Sap. Yeah, I just want, like, you know.”
“To feel wanted,” I finished her sentence.
To my surprise, sadness flecked across her eyes. “Um, no, I was going to say sex… is, like, that how you see me?”
Part of me felt bad for assuming incorrectly, but I didn’t want to change course. “Am I wrong?”
“Um… I…”
“It’s not a bad thing to feel wanted, Lexi. I want to help you but I have to know what you’re feeling.”
“Okay, yeah. I want to feel wanted,” she replied with more sadness than I’d heard in Lexi’s voice before.
I smiled again and put my arm around her. “Then I think that this can work. Would you like me to come by your place before I go home?”
She broke into a smile right back. “Um, yeah. I would like that a lot.”
***
“…Plus, Taylor never really treated me like a friend until she wanted sex from me, even if I did start it,” I finished my thought as we walked. “And that’s true with you too. You didn’t get close to me until you learned about my sexual escapades.”
“Yeah, I totally should have bonded with you over the video games I never play and the gifted program I was never in instead,” Lexi replied, voice dripping with sarcasm. “And just say ‘sex’ like a normal person.”
I smiled at her, and after a hearty glare, she smiled back. Nevertheless, she continued. “I just don’t get why you care so much.”
“Isn’t it a good thing to care?” I asked her.
She shrugged, then gestured to a house. “We’re here, by the way.”
Much like Taylor and Morgan, Lexi lived in a particularly upper-middle-class home. I whistled. “Nice.”
She gave me a weird look. “Nice? How? This is, like, average at best.”
I folded my arms and smirked at her. “I live in an apartment. How does that fit in if this place is average?”
Embarrassed, Lexi mumbled something under her breath face flushed. “Well, uh, wanna come in?” she added.
I followed her into a modern looking foyer. The whole house smelled like some kind of expensive scented candle. “Should I say hi to your parents?” I asked.
“Mom’s working and uh, no dad,” she replied flatly.
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, he died when I was, like, five. Mom keeps going on and on about him and, to be honest, I kinda wish she’d just move on and start dating again.”
“Seems like an odd thing to want your mom to do…” I replied slowly, following her up the stairs.
“You probably want me to find a guy and be happy with him too,” she replied, teasingly mimicking the way I said ‘want.’ “It’s, like, the same thing.”
I grinned, watching her sit down on her bed. “But then we wouldn’t get to do… whatever we’re about to do.”
“I bet that’s your loss more than mine,” she said with a wink.
“Bold,” I teased.
“I’m just starting,” she teased back.
I didn’t reply, and instead lunged at her, moving with her as the both of us moved backwards onto the bed, open-mouth kissing for the first time. I had to admit, Lexi was a surprisingly good kisser. Looking back, I couldn’t even remember if Taylor and I kissed – I think we didn’t – and of course kissing Morgan was a whole other feeling, but Lexi’s kisses just… felt fun. In a way I never knew they could. Kissing her gave me this kind of rush.
Before our tongues could even get involved, Lexi unexpectedly pulled away, fluttering her eyes open and staring at me dreamily before nervously laughing and looking away. “Feels okay?” she asked.
“It means a lot that you asked,” I replied. “Yeah. I think it feels good.”
Without another word, we resumed what we were getting up to, getting a little hands-y with each other. Lexi’s body may have been small, but she was also surprisingly fit, especially since she clearly was against getting involved in sports. She moaned when I first dared to slide my hand down to her butt and squeeze, and rewarded me by kissing me harder, more passionately. Over time, we figured out that we both liked it when I was feeling up her butt, and so I ended up on my back, with Lexi on top of me, both hands full of her butt cheeks.
Lexi’s body was shuddering with passion, and whenever she broke off the kiss to breathe, I would be relentless. I would kiss her neck and enjoy the little purrs and moans she gave, feeling her grind needily against me. Eventually she would get too desperate to do something and latch her mouth back onto mine, and battle my tongue with her own.
I don’t know how long we kissed for, but the sun was definitely in a different place in the sky by the time she got up off of me and breathlessly asked if I could eat her out. Since first kissing her, it was the only time I really hesitated, and thought of Morgan.
“It’s a little fast…” I managed.
“If you don’t want to, I won’t make you, but… please?” Lexi asked, biting her bottom lip. “I haven’t gotten it in forever – forever, Quinn. I really need your help. Please, just… please eat me.”
I smiled at her. I wasn’t a hundred percent sure if I even wanted it, but… Lexi was cute. It was hard to say no to her. “Alright,” I softly conceded.
She got up and we both moved kind of slowly, almost nervous for what we were about to do. I gently grabbed her by the waist and trailed my hands downwards, asking her with my eyes if she wanted me to take off her shirt. She politely declined, and undid her pants, electing to leave her shirt on.
She hesitated, seeing me stare, and blushed. “So, uh, it’s silly, but… could you look away for a sec please?” she asked.
“Uh, yeah, of course,” I replied instantly, not getting why but understanding I didn’t need to. I turned around to see a full-body mirror, and turned again to make sure there was no way I could see Lexi. I could still see her out of the corner of my eye thanks to the mirror, so I looked down at the floor and shut my eyes.
After a bit, I heard, “Okay, you’re good,” and lifted my head, opening my eyes. Lexi was back on the bed, bottomless but keeping her legs firmly together.
“Mind if I keep my clothes on?” I asked as a joke.
“Yeah, that’s fine,” she timidly replied.
“Are you okay?” I asked, noting the tension.
She nodded quickly. “Y’know,” she said with a nervous humor to her voice.
“Well, if I can…” I trailed off, putting both hands on her knees. With gentle force, I pried open her legs, and Lexi quickly turned pink and looked away.
Lexi’s cute petit little pussy looked up at me. She’d clearly shaved recently, evident both by the lack of hair and some little red pumps in the area above her labia. Was that what she was embarrassed about…? I decided not to ask, since presuming wrongly would have really made me look like a jerk.
Deciding that no more words were needed, I lowered my head down between her legs and found a comfy place, beginning by kissing around her engorged labia.
“Don’t tease, don’t tease,” Lexi nearly begged. “Just do it, fucking please.”
Unable to contain my glee, I completely ignored her, kissing and licking, if anything, farther around her labia. Lexi whimpered and pouted and looked down at me in desperation, before immediately blushing and looking away, though she clearly did not want to endure this much longer and used her hand to force my head down.
Enjoying our dynamic, I let it happen, and kissed her outer folds for the first time. Hoping my limited training was enough, I got to work, kissing and licking at Lexi’s folds while occasionally traveling upwards and trying to give her clit some attention. Her little clit was more securely tucked away than Morgan’s or Taylor’s, and truth be told, I wasn’t even sure if I had truly found it. It was interesting – I felt like I was ‘good’ at sex after enough times with Morgan and Taylor, but eating Lexi out made me almost feel like a novice again. Something about that really excited me.
Her whole body shuddered with my actions. It actually became really tempting to make my tongue move a certain way and watch her body move in kind of the same way, but something inside me told me to focus on her. It felt… good to pleasure her. It didn’t feel like wish fulfillment like with Taylor, and it didn’t feel like the ‘girl next door’ I was dating like with Morgan. It felt like two friends, hanging out, enjoying each other’s bodies, getting horny to one another.
And I was feeling it. My cock pulsed and bulged against the front of my jeans, aching for release. As I made Lexi moan and whimper, I realized maybe for the first time that we were probably going to have sex. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, we were going to have sex.
I thought I was going to be repulsed or even weirded out by that fact, and yet, something about that thought really excited me. Maybe this was why everyone ever was expecting me to be a guy about this whole ‘harem’ thing and enjoy it. Because now, thinking of me having fun with Lexi with my girlfriend’s approval, I was grabbing Lexi’s ass and holding her closer to me as I dove my tongue in and out of her, dancing on her most sensitive spots, coaxing her to orgasm for me.
Lexi wasn’t exactly quiet about it. It was clear the moment her apex was building within her, with the signals ranging from her higher and higher-pitched ‘oh’s to the frantic way she grabbed my hair and forced my head down. It was so cute, so precious, so very Lexi. Her moans got desperate and whiny, her hips grinding her labia against my mouth, her entire body shivering, until in one moment, she froze, barely moving apart from some spare shivering. Then, at once, she relaxed, a satisfied groan leaving her lips.
Her body gracefully deflated and sank down into the bed, wordlessly telling me how badly she needed this release. If I didn’t know any better, I would have said this was the first time all year she actually experienced an orgasm. I let her sit for a few moments, idly stroking her vulva and watching for the moment she opened her eyes. Like with the kiss, they fluttered open dreamily and she smiled almost drunkenly at me.
“Wasn’t that fun?” she croaked, then the two of us shared a laugh. I got up and joined her on the bed, though as soon as she could move, she quickly found her panties and pants, and put them back on.
She didn’t say much after that, so I thought to just be there for her, though my concentration was mostly on my phone. Quickly pulling up my texting app, I messaged Morgan, explaining what had happened and the extent to which I had gone with Lexi. I wasn’t sure, but my gut told me that she and I weren’t going to do anything else that day. Morgan responded immediately with a simple message.
okay
Ugh, texts were so damn hard to read. Part of me wished I waited until I could tell her in person, then see firsthand how she reacted.
Meanwhile, Lexi had by now fully recovered, and was cuddling up against me, smiling like the cat that ate the canary.
“That was so great,” she told me. “I definitely needed that, and you were actually kinda good at it. Like, most guys do not know what they’re doing, or even, like, care about what they’re doing. Do you mind if we don’t do anything else? Like, I dunno if you have, like, blue balls or anything right now, I’m just, like, thinking about what you said about maybe taking things a lil’ slow…”
Even though my erection had not gone down, that worked for me. For some reason, a part of me was hesitant to whip it out in front of Lexi anyway. Maybe her shyness about showing off her genitals was contagious. “Works for me, Lexi,” I simply told her with a smile.
“Okay, thanks. Like, I normally would, and like, I promise I normally do, I’m not a prude like that, but I actually kinda do want it to feel like a me thing, and I feel like if I do suck your dick, like, y’know?” she babbled. “It’ll feel like an us thing. And, like, you probably don’t want that, since you want this to be casual, so like, it works either way, right?”
Something definitely got into her.
***
“Dammit,” Doug cursed, looking on as his character in Bloodborne died. He handed me the controller and sat back, grabbing his beer and taking a swig. “I’m never gonna get the controller back now, am I?”
“Hey, the rule was ‘every time we die.’ I’m not great with all of the bosses yet,” I replied, taking the controller and beginning to play. “Besides, I’m used to playing in complete silence.”
“Right, right. Nerd shit,” he replied, nodding slowly. “Fucking crazy how my sister ended up with you.”
“You’re telling me,” I replied with a slight chuckle. “It still doesn’t feel real. So much of it doesn’t feel real.”
“Doesn’t sound like an incredibly romantic way to sum it up,” Doug noted, taking another sip. “It seems like you two are good. If it means anything, she is really happy with you. Like, even when you’re away she’s still clearly happy with you.”
“That means a lot, but… it’s not that simple,” I replied, never looking away from the screen.
“It never is.”
“Well, I mean…” I stopped, realizing that I wasn’t even sure how much Doug knew, or how much he should know. I was glad we were hanging out more and that he was able to see me a little more on his level, but I didn’t know how close we were yet. Or even if what I had to say could jeopardize that closeness.
“You mean…?”
I sighed. I slipped up in the game, and Vicar Amelia was starting to kick my ass. “It – it’s got complications, like, complications that I feel don’t exist in other relationships, and it’s starting to get restricting.”
“Complications like how?” he prodded, then noted my silence. “I guess if you wanted to say, you would have said more than just ‘complications.’”
I mistimed my dodge, and should have gotten closer instead of rolled away anyway. My character died. Bitterly, I passed the controller to Doug, who had a blank look on his face, observing mine.
“I mean, as long as you’re not hitting her or cheating on her, all complications are just thoughts,” he simply said, eyes on the game. After taking down an enemy, he gave me a sideways glance. “You aren’t hitting her or cheating on her, right?”
“Do you really think I’d be the type to hit… anyone? Especially her,” I replied quickly. “If anything she’d kick my ass if I tried.”
“I mean, you take advantage of this and I’ll kill you, but nah, Morgan’s all bark, no bite,” Doug replied, resuming his run. “So, uh, you answered about hitting only. Are you cheating on her?”
“Not cheating, no,” was the only thing I could think to say. “Look Doug, maybe we shouldn’t go into too much detail here. Y’know, given we’re, uh, family and all that.”
Doug gave a low chuckle. “You aren’t half as smooth as you think you are, Quinn.”
“And I don’t think I’m smooth at all, so that must be saying something,” I retorted.
“I can fill in the gaps, you know,” he continued.
I paused. What did that mean? “The gaps in what?”
“What you’re telling me. I’ve been around the block, and for what it’s worth, I think that kinda shit is more common in relationships than you’d think.”
“I haven’t told you what the actual complications are, so you can’t know if what I’m talking about is common or not. We could be thinking different things,” I replied in a somewhat quiet voice. My vision was focused purely on the TV. He was kicking butt.
“We could be,” he simply said. “But just go with me. Assume we’re on the same page. No need to even say what it is. Why’s it a complication? Some people would even call it ideal.”
I broke my focus and looked at Doug. “…Yeah, but it’s not ideal,” I started. “It makes me uncomfortable. It goes against what’s… supposed to be. Shouldn’t you be upset if you truly know what it is I’m talking about?”
“You clearly weren’t the one to bring it up, Mr. It Makes Me Uncomfortable,” Doug noted. “Unless you did it in the first place and now you regret it.”
I hadn’t thought of it like that, but wow, he hit the bullseye. “Kinda both, actually,” I replied in a weak voice.
“Both? How does that work?”
“I thought we agreed no details.”
“No, you just said no details and I let it slide.”
“Well, alright, keep letting it slide,” I replied annoyedly, finding the power in my voice again.
“Fine, fine, whatever,” he conceded. “Why do you do it then? If it makes you uncomfortable, just let it be a, fuck, what’s the word… a boundary.”
“Other people keep asking for it.”
“Come on, dude, don’t lie,” he protested.
I remained silent for a bit. I wanted to reword it, but if I was silent for too long, it would have seemed like I’d be admitting to lying. “It’s not a lie,” I began after a bit.
“Strong-ass rebuttal.”
“I keep finding myself in situations where it happens. The first time was before I even met Morgan. The second time, I think it was because I… cared too much. Does that sound like bragging?”
“Nah, I get it.”
“But it’s always worded as this favor to others, or like, what I’m supposed to do. So I just… comply.”
“You’re a people-pleaser,” Doug inferred.
“Kind of.”
“Well then you need to grow a backbone, man. Tell them no.”
“Wow, problem solved,” I replied angrily. “It’s not that simple. Honestly the weirdest part is that my girlfriend is not against it. At times it even feels like she… wants me to do it. For some reason. I haven’t figured out why yet.”
“…Does there have to be a ‘why?’” Doug asked. “It sounds like you’re an overthinker, man.”
I ignored him. “The fact that Morgan is all for it just kind of makes her an enabler. Like that’s the thing that pushes me to actually do it. But, at the same time, I can’t just ask her to be against it. That’s not how this works.” From the corner of my vision, the controller popped up into view. I looked at the TV, and saw Doug had died. I hadn’t even noticed. “Keep playing. I’m playing like shit today.”
“People do crazy shit when they’re young,” Doug observed. “And yeah, I know I’m only like seven years older than you, but that’s the difference between you and an elementary school kid. Believe me, whatever’s happening, I’ve seen it.”
“Okay, so, what do I do?”
He shrugged. “Tell her to break it off with the guys she’s seeing, break it off with the girls you’re seeing, lay down the law. If you’re uncomfortable, why the fuck wouldn’t she respect that?”
“She’s not seeing any other guys. She just wants this for me.”
Doug raised an eyebrow, doubting me. “I’m not sure I buy that.”
“Yeah,” I murmured quietly. “Neither do I.”
***
“Beach Day,” Kevin repeated with a lamenting tone. “Jesus Christ, Beach Day.”
“It’s just a bunch of girls Morgan knows going to the beach. She wanted me there as her boyfriend,” I replied defensively, making sure everything was packed and ready. “Is that so weird?”
“Quinn, the beach party is the place to be. It’s how you know you made it. And you don’t even know half of the people there.”
“I told you, I can tell her that I’m not going unless you come too if you’d like.”
Kevin flashed me a smile. “As much as I’d like that, you know how thrilled they’d be. Nah, I’m no crasher. I’m like a vampire, you gotta invite me in.”
“Yeah, and you stay up way too late, and you reek of death,” I quipped.
“And I’m gravely misunderstood and finally girls are catching on to just how hot I am,” he replied. I gave him a look of confusion and he waved me off. “Twilight meme. Never mind. Point is, if nothing else, I’m fuckin’ proud of ya.”
“Proud of what?” I asked. “It it’s anything like the last few parties, I’m just going to cling to Morgan all day, barely talk to the others… I actually pissed off a few guys at the last party.”
“Oh shit, huh? What did you do?”
“Okay, so Crystal’s nudes got leaked by this one guy – wait, that might be sensitive info, don’t let anyone know I told you that…”
“Quinn,” he began with a knowing smile. “Who am I, dude? I already knew about that shit. Nasty business.”
“Oh. Yeah, I told off the guy that did it,” I concluded.
“Ah, dredging up the past. Perfect recipe for drama,” he mused. “You know, the thing about-”
I held up a finger as I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket and pulled it out. Morgan was calling me. “I gotta go,” I replied quickly as I picked up my bag of beach stuff. Kevin just shrugged and walked off as I was out the door, only putting the phone to my ear and answering Morgan once there was a shut door between my mouth and Kevin’s ear.
The standard ‘we’re here’ and ‘I’m on my way’ conversation was expected, but one thing I was not yet aware of hit me – Joel was driving. For some strange reason, I expected Morgan to be driven by Doug again, but of course she was going with her friends. As Kevin probably revealed, this beach party was a big thing to the popular kids, which meant that Taylor’s usual rule of ‘if Quinn’s going, I’m not there’ was out the window.
I tried to avoid eye contact with her and Joel as I approached the car. Morgan greeted me warmly, showing off her new sunglasses and bikini, laughing at the fact that I was not dressed for the beach at all and would have to change once I was there. She was in the middle seats along with Lexi, and Taylor and Joel were in the front. As expected, neither addressed me, and I was ordered into the back seats with Crystal and Milo.
I thought that would have been ideal, given Taylor and I had history and Lexi and I had, uh, recent history, but I quickly discovered that along with me, the gang picked up something else, something heavy: tension.
I felt Crystal and Milo staring at me from the moment I sat down, and after a few minutes of driving with the others talking and playing music near the front of the car, I finally got the courage to look at Crystal, then at Milo. Of course I had to be in the middle seat.
“What?” I finally asked after a while.
“Crystal’s pissed you slept with Lexi,” Milo pointed out. Classic Milo.
“Wha-?! Oh my God, I did not sleep with her!” I protested, trying to keep my voice down. This was the last thing I wanted. “Who even blabbed about this?”
“Le-”
“Lexi did, yeah, stupid question,” I admitted bitterly. “Look, Morgan proposed it to me, Lexi really wanted me to, so…”
“But, like, why did you do it?” Crystal asked with this weird tone to her voice. “If I asked you to fuck Milo, would you? You fucked my best friend, Quinn.”
“I – ugggh,” I complained, raking my hands over my face. “Okay, first of all, we did not go all the way. Second of all, I’ll be honest, I wasn’t and still am not sure if I even wanted to for my own sake. I did it as a favor to Lexi. It’s complicated, but-”
“You keep suggesting that, like, your lack of intent somehow makes you the good guy,” Milo cut in.
“Is that what this is about??” I asked exasperatedly.
“Look at it from our point of view,” he replied calmly. “Think about what I know about you, and how you got into our friend group.”
“What do you mean by that?” Crystal asked.
I sighed. “Please, just-”
“So,” Milo continued, “that happens, and then you’re dating Morgan, and now we hear that you’re doing stuff with Lexi. It looks sketchy. Like, tell me I’m wrong for wondering if you’re just this skeeze that has ulterior motives or something.”
“How’d he get into our friend group?” Crystal asked.
In the nick of time, Morgan whipped her head around. “What’s going on back here?”
“Nothing,” Crystal immediately and obediently replied.
Morgan was not moved. She turned to Milo and asked, “What’s going on?”
Milo gave a polite smile. “Just talking about recent events.”
Morgan took her shades off to show Milo how amused with him she wasn’t. “Whatever you’re doing, knock it off, okay? Quit stirring the pot.”
“You couldn’t even hear anythi-”
“No, but I recognize that look Quinn’s giving,” Morgan replied dryly. “It’s Beach Day. Can you just knock it off for one day?”
Milo leaned in. “He slept with Lexi and you expect me to overlook that.”
“I am going to kill myself,” I murmured.
“You know how seriously I take this shit,” he continued. “I don’t care if you gave him your blessing, I’m allowed to call out red flags when I see them.”
“Wait, how is it a red flag if I wanted it?” Lexi asked, having turned around and getting fully into this conversation.
“Why do I have to like it if Quinn is trying to seduce everyone in the friend group?” Milo continued.
“Everyone?” Morgan asked with fake confusion. “Quinn only slept with me and fooled around once with Lexi, right Milo?”
“I just don’t get why he’d do that with Lexi. Like, why? It’s just weird,” Crystal complained.
“Wait, I thought-” Lexi began, though clearly Morgan did something below the backrest to make Lexi shut up prematurely.
Angrily, I just turned away. More bullshit. More bullshit, and I was being blamed for it. What was even new at this point? If nothing else, at least this was giving me more ammo to convince Morgan to stop being such a yes-woman to… all of this weirdness.
In my anger, I had darted my eyes around – out the window, at the floor… and towards the front. I had hoped that she wouldn’t have looked at me for the whole drive, but to my horror, Taylor was, without shame, looking right at me.
She was wearing her own pair of sunglasses, but I knew, I just knew, she was looking right at me. And I looked back. Could she hear? I didn’t know. She was just… burning a hole through me with her stare. We stared at each other for a long time. I didn’t know what expression was on my face, but in that moment, I couldn’t do anything but looked back. For the first time in what felt like forever, we openly just stared at each other.
***
In an annoying bait-and-switch, Beach Day was gender-segregated. There were two sections of the beach: the guys’ section, and the girls’. I was kind of annoyed – I came here because my girlfriend convinced me, and now I had to spend the day with a bunch of guys I didn’t know? To add insult to injury, this just meant more time with Joel and Milo, the two boys I knew the most – to my own displeasure.
In an accurate reflection of high school, I just found my own little part of the settled area away from most of the guys and minded my own business. I was still dressed in jeans and a t-shirt while the rest of them sported swimming trunks. The metaphor was almost too perfect. Occasionally, one or two of the guys would eye me with confusion, no doubt wondering why I was there, but they wouldn’t vocally question it.
Sadly, someone else didn’t get the same treatment. As soon as he was settled, Milo was hit with a small platoon of muscle-y Chad-looking guys, some looking mildly apologetic, others looking annoyed.
“Hey, uh, Sadie… we get the whole thing and all, but, uh… maybe you’d be happier hanging out with the girls. I mean, that’s the group you hang with, right?” one of them piped up.
“Could you use my actual name, please?” Milo asked with a voice meant to be calm. It came across as shaky.
“Ha, your actual name?” another guy with a more annoying voice asked. “Sorry, what’s the name on your ID? Can you give us some proof here?”
“My name is Milo, and if we’re grouping boys in with boys, I should be here, shouldn’t I?” Milo asked.
“If you’re a guy, why don’t you take off your shirt?” another one snickered.
The first guy held up his hands in some kind of demonstration of ‘no harm intended.’ “I’m just saying, I think you should go with the girls, okay?”
“What am I taking away from you guys by being here?” Milo asked, his voice cracking more with each protest.
“Look, how’s about this – compromise. We call you Milo, but you join the girls. Huh?” the first one asked.
“I’m not fuckin’ calling her Milo. If she wants to play make-believe, that’s on her, but she can’t make us do it too,” another one complained. “Nathan, just lay it down, man. Tell her to fuck off.”
The first guy, whose name was Nathan I guess, gave Milo a polite, sad smile. “I’m sorry,” he simply said. “But yeah. Pack up your stuff, go over there. We, uh… the guys don’t want you here.”
It may have been a silly little beach party, but something about this clearly meant a lot to Milo. I could see it in his eyes; he was crushed. And in a way, I kind of understood. He just wanted to be himself, and live the way he wanted, but other people kept insisting he do things their way, because they were used to something else. Milo was right, it wasn’t costing them anything to even just not pay him attention, but they decided to dedicate energy just to making him feel bad for… being the way he wanted to be.
I wish I acted earlier. By the time I got up, Milo was already walking back towards the girls. He was crying, but keeping it together. Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I approached Nathan and cleared my throat.
“He wasn’t harming anyone.”
Nathan looked at me, confused. “Who wasn’t?”
“Milo.”
“Just call her Sadie man, she’s not gonna fuck you if you call her that,” one of them jeered.
Another one joined in. “You’re really going through all these hoops, you’re just gonna make more people like her think they can get away with making us call them whatever,” another added. “Like, you can’t just shrug and leave, you have to… pretend to believe it too! Like, why?”
“It’s Orwellian,” some other guy added.
“Clint, you never read 1984, just shut the fuck up,” Nathan replied.
“I mean… that’s what Milo wanted. For you guys to shrug and leave him be. You went up to him,” I pressed them.
“Umm, yeah, after like a whole year of his – fuck, her, bullshit,” one of the guys replied.
“It just seemed like here, he was minding his own business, and you guys made the effort to make it a problem. It doesn’t make sense,” I told them.
“Sorry for standing up for ourselves?” one of them replied with a hostile tone.
“You’re, uh, Morgan’s boyfriend, right?” Nathan asked. “Well, look man, if it bothers you that much, you could probably go hang out with them too. No skin off my back.”
“Yeah man. We didn’t invite you. We don’t even know you,” another one added.
“I mean, this guy fits in with us about as good as Sadie does, so he might be happier with his girlfriend or whatever,” I heard from the boys.
“Clint, we literally just said that,” Nathan replied, annoyed.
As much I would have liked to make a stand and go be with the girls, my situation with them was kind of… sticky. Doubly so if Milo was going to be with them. I wanted to really stand my ground – if I do say so, I was getting kind of good at it – but I elected to back down.
“Whatever, guys,” I replied, throwing my hands up. “I was just saying.”
“Nah, but it’s a good idea,” Nathan said emphatically. “You should go and, uh, check up on your girl or something.”
“I’m good, I’m good,” I replied, backing down. “I get it. I’ll shut up now, okay? I just wanted to say my piece. I’ll go back to my bag.”
One of the guys eyed where I came from. “Your bag, huh?” With speed far greater than my own, he sprinted over to my bag, made it into a ball shape, and tossed it in the general direction of the girls’ area. Of course, it didn’t go that far, but it was enough to make a point.
The guy looked at me with a crooked, toothy grin. “Oops,” he said smugly. “You’d better go get that.”
I looked at the guys once more and sighed. I guess my message came through loud and clear, I guess. With the girls it may have been awkward, but I had to put that behind me. I walked over to my discarded bag, checked to make sure my poor 3DS was okay, then made the journey to the girls’ section. Given this was supposed to be a party for everyone, it was actually a decently long walk.
Once I was there, I sought out Morgan immediately, getting her attention by waving at her. She gave me a confused expression, but waved back. “Hey, what’s wrong? Did you need something from the car?”
“I wish,” I grumbled. “No, Milo got ousted from the boys’ group-”
“Yeah, he’s over there,” Morgan interrupted quietly, gesturing to a nearby towel. Milo was on it, curled up in an upright ball, with some girl I didn’t recognize supportively rubbing his back.
“Well, I didn’t like what the boys said, and they kinda kicked me out too,” I finished.
“Quinn, they can be jerks, you just have to stand your ground sometimes with them,” she replied softly.
“I did, and they threw my bag,” I complained. “I’ll be good, I promise, but could I please just stay here a bit? We can just pretend I’m checking up on you or something.”
Morgan moved her mouth to the side of her face in thought. “Yeah, okay,” she concluded. “I’m sorry the guys are like that. Good news is, we’re away from them now.”
“I don’t know why you wanted me to be around them anyway,” I told her. “The only people from there are guys I know from parties, Joel, and I guess I just met Nathan.”
“Nathan’s not terrible,” Morgan thought out loud. “Like, he’s kinda pushy, but he… Nathan at least tries.”
“Yeah, I think I got that impression. He still was a dick to Milo for no reason though,” I replied. Morgan went back to her spot without another word, and I joined her.
Immediately, the girls were way friendlier than the boys. It was clear none of them knew why I was hanging around, but unlike the guys, they didn’t make a stink about it, and a few used it as an excuse to actually talk to me, which was sweet, if invasive.
“So, what’s Morgan actually like?”
“Is she your first girlfriend? What’s your, like, body count?”
“Oh my God, I love Korea, I’ve always wanted to visit.”
After a few minutes, I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to see Milo. His eyes were a little red but aside from that he had basically fully recovered. “Hey, can we, uh, talk? Nothing bad, I just wanted to talk to you in private,” he told me.
“Uh, yeah, sure,” I managed. I followed him down some path into an area by the parking lot, a little nervous but also believing him that this wasn’t just him stirring the pot again. Once we figured we were out of earshot, Milo found a nearby bench and gestured for me to sit next to him.
“So, uh, I can get a little protective of the group sometimes,” he began. “And I have my principles. Like, when I feel something is wrong, I really feel it’s wrong, and I won’t deny, I’ve gotten crazy red flags from you for the past few months. But, uh, I, uh…” His voice got murkier. “I heard what you did.”
“Anyone would have done that,” I asserted.
“No, Quinn, anyone wouldn’t have, because all that would happen is that the guys would hate them,” Milo assertively replied. “The girls, even Morgan, they talk a big game, but they know that if they ever stand up for me or even acknowledge I’m a boy around them, their reputation is in the toilet.” He got up and paced for a bit. “I’m not popular. No one in my situation could be. I just hang with a popular crowd and I get to look popular because no one dares to get into the group to rip me out of it. I was really lucky my friends accepted me for who I am, but… they never really stood up for me like that.”
We were silent for a bit. “So I guess I’m saying, I don’t get what your game is.”
I had a theory. “I’m not popular, so I guess popularity doesn’t mean anything to me. As far as I can tell, I don’t know those guys, so if I stand up for you, I don’t lose anything like they would, I guess.”
“Yeah, but people don’t think like that,” Milo protested. “They don’t go around doing good things as soon as the bad shit is dropped. They need reasons to do the good shit in the first place. What was your reason?”
Another beat of silence passed between us. Eventually, I shrugged. “They were harassing you just because of who you were,” I replied. “That’s not nice. You deserve to feel good about who you are.”
Milo began to tear up again, although his expression looked closer to anger than joy. Eventually, I turned away. “I don’t get it,” he murmured, looking away from me.
“Do you need to?” I asked. “I’m not trying to get with you. I just saw you hurting and wanted to help.” I let my words sink in. “I’m not just mindlessly trying to get with the others either. It’s just how shit has happened. Consider, maybe, that I’m doing this because making others feel good makes me feel good, and that’s why Taylor and Lexi wanted to use that and help themselves.”
“You’re trying to tell me that this whole thing that has happened has been because of others being selfish and you happen to be the only one not being selfish,” Milo quietly retorted.
I hung my head. “A part of it is enjoying what’s happening, yeah,” I admitted. “Is that so bad? I would have helped Taylor, or Morgan, or Lexi, or you, without expecting anything in return. Are you angry because I got something in return?”
“I’m angry because you did stuff with a girl in a relationship, caused trouble for us, then fucked two other girls in my friend group. If I already see you as a skeezy perv, why the fuck wouldn’t that make me angry?!” he demanded.
“So what? I’m supposed to just go away? I’m Morgan’s boyfriend now. I care about her. You can’t expect me to just walk away from that,” I replied, standing up.
“So what the fuck is the deal with Lexi?!” he asked, voice building.
“I’d kind of like to know the answer to that too!” I replied, my voice matching his. “She and I get closer, as friends, then out of nowhere Morgan tells me I have her blessing, then it all just falls into place.”
Milo’s eyes narrowed. “Is that the whole story?” he asked.
I paused, then sighed. “Maybe not,” I admitted. “Lexi had one of those ‘if you weren’t with Morgan’ conversations with me like a week earlier.”
“A week?”
“I don’t remember exactly when, does it matter?”
“It all matters, Quinn,” he huffed. “…Something about all this doesn’t add up.”
“Milo, I feel the exact, same, way,” I replied, putting emphasis on each word. “And fuck, don’t believe me if you want, but I can’t help but feel like I want the most for me to be monogamous with her.”
He gave me a weird look. “What does that mean? Just say no to Lexi. Have you done anything with Taylor since I did… you know… that thing?”
“What, you mean telling Joel and causing the exact rift in the group you’re pretending was my fault?” I asked with heat. He didn’t answer, so I huffed. “No, of course I haven’t. Is that good enough for you?”
We didn’t say anything for a bit. A shifting sound caught Milo’s attention, and he whirled his head around to something nearby. I followed his gaze to see that a certain somebody was spying on us.
“Lexi, what the fuck are you doing here?” Milo asked.
Lexi emerged from behind a rock. “What?” she asked as if what she was doing was completely normal. “I mean, you’re talking about me anyways, don’t I deserve to be here for this? Or are you trying to do something here?”
I didn’t know what the implications were. ‘Do something’ as in stop me from being in the group? Maybe something sexual? I didn’t know. I just looked at Milo and he looked back and forth between us for a bit, then something in his face changed.
“Quit treating him like your plaything.”
“What?!” Lexi asked.
“Quinn is not some toy to be passed around, and he clearly feels uncomfortable in this situation,” Milo continued. “He did this stuff for you, but you can’t not know that he’s unsure of his own feelings. Give him space, it’s not hard. Treat him like a human being instead of a service.”
Lexi was looking more upset with each word Milo said, so I decided to jump in. “I’m not unhappy we did what we did, Lexi, but this kind of stuff is very new to me, and I’m still not sure if it’s the path I want to go down,” I added soothingly. “I enjoyed, uh, eating you out, but we may end up not doing this anymore. We may keep doing it too. I just don’t know, okay?”
Lexi stared at me for a bit before pouting and stomping away. “Well, at least she took it well,” I quipped to myself.
“It’s Lexi. She’ll probably insist on cuddling up to you on the drive home,” Milo humorously shot back. “I didn’t like that she spied on us, though. She’s getting bolder.”
I turned back to Milo and shifted. “So, where are we at? I didn’t expect you to defend me to Lexi.”
He stared at me. “I just don’t get why…”
“You don’t need to always know why. Imagine if I myself don’t know why. You’re going to keep chasing for an answer I don’t have, and if you think I know the answer and I don’t, anything I do will be suspicious.” I breathed dramatically for a bit. “What’s more likely, that I’m secretly nefarious or that I’m a clueless nobody that had all this shit thrown at him over the course of a few months?”
He slowly nodded. “Yeah,” he admitted. “Well, if everyone else is cool with it, I guess I’ll just shut up.” He exhaled noisily. “I mean what I said. I can’t remember the last time someone defended me like that.”
I shrugged. “You’re worth defending. You deserve to feel happy as who you are.”
“Now you’re just trying to guilt trip me,” he laughed, and I joined in. “But, okay. Clean slate. Everything up to now is null and void. Forgive and forget. If you do something bad, I’ll call it out…”
“I definitely believe you’ll do that.”
“…But until then, you’re not a skeeze and you’re being nice to my friends. Thanks for, uh, doing what you did today.”
I gave him a smile in return and then that was that. We walked back to the group, with me feeling very happy and validated. Finally, the chip the size of Arkansas was off of Milo’s shoulder, or at least, so he said. Morgan saw that we came back together and raised an eyebrow, and I gave her a reassuring smile.
“Good conversation,” I told her as I sat down next to her. “Milo seems cool with me.”
I didn’t notice that Morgan was mid-conversation with another girl, and immediately added, “Oh, sorry,” and got up. I recognized the girl; Abby, the Student Council President. I never talked to her personally but everyone knew who the President was.
“No no, no worries,” the other girl replied. She smiled at me, and wow, did she ever have a politician’s smile. She’d done up her hair in box braids, which looked really good with her hair half black and the rest dyed a kind of red. She wore a surprisingly revealing white bikini, which even with my newfound experience, made me blush.
Kevin had a huge crush on her, although I think he just had a thing for black girls which he refused to outright say. I could only imagine how jealous he would have been of me to see her this way.
“So this is your boytoy?” she continued, looking me up and down.
I chuckled. “Jeez,” I couldn’t stop myself from saying bashfully.
“Oh, sorry, I’m just like this,” she laughed it off. “Don’t be nervous. Morgan has talked a lot about you. You seem like quite the gentleman, Quinn.”
I turned to Morgan, who shrugged ambiguously, though her eyes were twinkling humorously. “I, uh…” I managed. “I… thanks.”
Abby gave this cute little chuckle and readjusted herself. “So how long have you two been together, anyway?”
“Oh, like… a few months?” I asked Morgan.
She nodded calmly. “A few months, yeah.”
“Aww, so cute, you’re so in sync!” Abby marvelled. “Well, we’re glad to have you Quinn, and I’m sure you two are going to enjoy the fuck outta Beach Day.” She turned to Morgan. “You’re lucky. Me, I couldn’t even get me a man for Beach Day.”
“Oh, come on,” Morgan replied dismissively. “You could get, like, any guy, you just didn’t want to let any of them know they could feel like owning you, even for a day.”
Abby laughed her melodic laugh again. “Maybe, maybe,” she teased, then turned to me with some kind of knowing grin. “What about you, Quinn, would you say you own your girl?”
“Wha- of course not!” I spat. “That’s such a – ‘owning?’ No, definitely not.”
“Oh,” Abby replied, the humor gone from her face. “So, like, she can do anything with any man she wants?”
“Um…” I turned to Morgan, who weirdly, wasn’t saying anything. “I-if she wants, and… communicates openly about… is there something I should know?”
Both Abby and Morgan started laughing at me. “Relax, relax, I’m fucking with you,” Abby soothed me.
“It seems kind of private,” I managed. “I feel weird when this stuff is brought up, even as a joke.”
If I thought the humor left Abby’s face before, it really left now. “Oh. Um, sorry,” she replied seriously. “I’m sorry. My sense of humor is all about riling people up, but I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“It’s okay,” I replied. “But yeah, Morgan and I are happy. And, uh, she owns me as much as I own her.”
Abby started laughing again, probably at my wording. “Oh my fuck, that’s good,” she chuckled. “I’m gonna hold out for a man that admits I own him.”
“If you ever stay with the same guy long enough for that to even happen,” Morgan replied with a wink. “Did you want to go swimming, Quinn?”
“Yes,” I immediately replied. I didn’t want to, but I was happy to get away from this. Grabbing my bag, I turned back to Abby. “Nice to meet you, Abby,” I told her.
“Likewise, Quinn,” she told me with a pleasant smile. Quickly, I started to walk towards the water, with Morgan following closely behind me.
“In case you’re wondering, Abby is off-limits,” she began, clearly meant more as a joke than anything.
“She scares me,” I admitted.
“So, are you going to swim in your jeans, or what?” Morgan asked, looking me over.
“Oh. I just, uh, wanted to…” I fumbled with my words.
Morgan laughed. “You wanted to end the conversation with Abby,” she inferred.
“Kind of, yeah.”
“She’s harmless, Quinn,” she reassured me. “She just likes pushing buttons. All Presidents do. Come on, changing room is thataway.” She turned me around and soon we were walking in the other direction, back past Abby.
Abby noticed, and looked at us, smirking. “And just where do you think you’re going? The water’s that way.”
Morgan looked at Abby as if she was just realizing something. Weirdly, she had a full reaction: gasping, turning pink, and holding her hand over her mouth.
Abby’s knowing smile only widened. “Ohh, I seeeee, Quinn needs to change, doesn’t he? I guess he needs to go to the changing house.”
At the mention of ‘changing house,’ the few girls around us took notice and started giggling. Morgan was only blushing deeper. Abby looked over at Morgan and laughed. “You know the rules, Morgan,” she sang.
“What rules?” I asked Morgan.
“So, uh… I’m sorry, I totally forgot this…” Morgan mumbled, her face red. “So, there’s this dumb tradition involving Beach Day, the changing room, and the year’s power couple…” She trailed off, blushing too hard to even look me in the eye.
I turned to Abby with a confused expression, who only nodded. “Changing room’s yours, you two,” she laughed. “It’s school tradition.” She eyed my confused expression and rolled her eyes. “It’s Beach Day rules. The year’s power couple goes and fucks in the changing room.”
I looked at Morgan in disbelief, who only cutely shrugged. “Wait,” I began. “We can’t possibly be the year’s power couple. No one knows me, and we’ve only been together for a short time!”
Abby lowered an eyebrow, a smirk painted on her face. “Who here knows Quinn?” she asked, and nearly every girl who was paying attention put her hand up.
What? Why?? What even was there to know about me? Morgan added, “Plus, it just sort of became any couple that’s still together on Beach Day. I’m uh, sorry, I totally forgot.”
“Well, we don’t have to…” I began, though quickly got booed by Abby and her little gang.
“Quinn, honey, at least drag her in there and give her a kiss,” she laughed. “It’s tradition. You care about us, don’t you?” Faux hurt was dripping off of every word.
“It’s a dumb tradition,” Morgan added in a voice so quiet only I could hear it. “Your boundaries are important.”
I surveyed the group and saw Milo, Crystal, and… Taylor among them. She was no longer wearing her shades, and wasn’t shy about looking me in the eye. Interestingly, she didn’t look vulnerable, or sad, or even angry. She caught my gaze and gave me a kind of gesture with her face. One that said, ‘hey, might as well.’
I turned to Abby, who was giving me this mock concerned expression, with a humorous undertone. I turned back to Morgan, who was still pink and looking down. I exhaled and grabbed her hand, and murmured, “Come on,” leading her away to the changerooms. The girls cheered, even though I didn’t want to look back at them, and soon enough we were out of sight and earshot from the cheering crowd.
“Sorry,” Morgan repeated. “I know how much you must hate these situations.”
“Why would I hate it?” I asked, not recognizing my own voice. “We’re the power couple.”
Morgan looked at me with a confused smile, and I stopped walking and kissed her. “Do you want to do it?”
“You’re taking this way better than I thought,” she admitted.
“Sweetheart, you keep setting up things you’d think I’d like, like telling me it’s okay for us to be open or something, but more than anything, I want you,” I told her. “It’s kind of nice having people know we’re doing it, especially if they’re, uh, wayyyyy over there.”
She giggled. “You really don’t like Abby, do you?”
“I just think I need to adjust to her.”
“Totally fair.” She glanced at the changing room and looked back at me. She bit her bottom lip. “So, uh…”
I gave an adventurous laugh and took her hand again, walking into the building with her. It was not very big, but definitely big enough to accommodate us. As soon as we were inside and the door was closed, our lips were locked, enjoying our public-yet-not display of affection.
I don’t know what came over me in that moment, but some part of me really wanted to have Morgan, and have her right then and there. I loved the feeling of my body pressing right up against hers when we kissed, and when Morgan was wearing this cute little blue bikini that left little to the imagination, well, that was just the cherry on top.
“Do you like what I’m wearing?” she asked between kisses.
“Of course I do,” I practically moaned back. “I love anything you wear.”
“But I bought this especially for you,” she said with a mock-pout. “I thought you’d like what it, uh, shows off.” She grabbed her boobs with both hands and moved her hands around her chest to solidify her point. Like the hypnotized horny teenager that I was, my eyes could only follow what her hands were doing, much to her amusement.
Eventually, I had enough of only being a spectator, and my hands quickly replaced hers. I loved how hot Morgan’s body felt. Of course, having a big pair of breasts in my hands, being rewarded with a popular hot girl moaning for me when I massaged them, that just made this whole thing perfect.
I gasped in realization even though my hands didn’t stop moving. Morgan’s eyes shot open. “What is it?”
“Do you have a condom?” I asked, realizing only now how far we were going.
Morgan’s eyes squeezed back shut and she threw her head back and groaned. “No, I don’t,” she said quietly. “Fuck.”
I waited until her head was back up and matched her look of disappointment with one of my own. My hands were still moving though, of course. “It’s okay. We can just fool around and if they as-”
As I spoke, Morgan adopted this almost mad look on her face and she eventually cut me off by kissing me. “No,” she simply said.
“No…?”
“I don’t care. Just this once, I don’t care. Pull out or fucking don’t, you’re taking me here.” She kissed me again, this time groping my cock over my jeans as she did. “Okay?”
I had to chuckle. “What’s gotten into you?”
She smiled sweetly out of nowhere. It almost sent a shiver up my spine. “Don’t you want me too, Quinn?”
“Get the fuck out of here,” I replied humorously, playfully slapping her face. “You looked like a horror villain.”
She chuckled too, but remained focused. “I just feel like this is an opportunity for us. This is, like, a moment. I don’t want it to be spoiled, so I’m willing to work around it. Just say yes, and I’m yours. Please say yes.”
I smiled at her. She was such an enigma, and I loved it. “Yes,” I emphatically told her, and we resumed our kissing, this time with her undoing her bikini top as we kissed.
Soon, she was up against the wall, with one of my hands groping her breast and playing with her sensitive erect nipple, and the other rubbing her slit over her bikini bottoms. To top it off, my mouth was busy leaving marks on her neck. That way, the other girls wouldn’t need to ask, they could just see.
What a fucking life I was living.
Morgan could only take so much teasing and, with a wink, bent herself over the nearest counter and looked back at me as she peeled her bikini bottoms down her legs. My breath caught in my throat. I thought I was hard before, but now I swear it felt like it was going to rip right through my jeans.
“Fuck, you’re so… hot, Morgan,” I told her, coming up behind her and quickly dropping my pants.
“Thanks, I know,” she said with a giggle. “What are you going to do about it, cutie?”
I blushed and she giggled again. I freed my manhood and stroked it a few times, drinking in the beautiful sight of Morgan’s wet pussy waiting for me. I lined myself up and slid it in, with the both of us exhaling in pure pleasure.
“Fu-uck, you’re in me…” Morgan moaned. “You’re just in me. Nothing else between us.”
“I just want to say, fuck condoms,” I moaned.
“Fuck condoms,” she agreed as I began to pump back and forth. “Except, like, we will definitely have to wear condoms after this, but like, fuck condoms. Oh, fuuuck…”
And there we were, getting into a rhythm with each others’ bodies, fucking like animals in a public changeroom, with our classmates not only knowing, not only cheering us on, but practically making us do it. Not that I was complaining. The only thing better than being made to fuck in this room that could have happened today was forgetting the condom. I was closer to Morgan than anyone else. I was inside her, I was getting to be in her, and we both loved it.
The changeroom had just enough variety to its layout that we could try a couple different positions, but in the end, I think we both liked it from behind best, because that’s what we kept coming back to. I even found a way to fuck her from behind against a wall and grope her breasts from behind, and clearly, this was a day where she wanted a lot of attention on them. Naturally, at every opportunity I could, from behind I would grab them and play with them, and from the front, I would kiss them and suck them and worship them with my tongue.
Eventually, I felt every nerve in my body being lit like a fuse, and grunted, “M-Morgan…”
She knew immediately what was going on, and despite being in the middle of a good rhythm, she stopped what she was doing, hopped off of my dick, whirled around, and knelt in front of me, jacking me off.
“What’s… what’s going on?” I asked.
“Ever thought about finishing on my face?” she asked as innocently as possible.
I’m sure it would have been hot to grunt and go “fuck yeah, babe” and grab her hair to prepare her or whatever, but it didn’t quite go that way. I swear, the moment those seductive words left her mouth, my vision just went pure white. I grunted, the sexiness of the situation being too much for me, and immediately shot my load all over Morgan’s beautiful face. She smiled mischievously as she felt my load painting and covering her face, with me shooting a bigger load than I was usually used to.
She chuckled. “So I take it you’re a fan,” she joked.
“Oh my God,” I breathed. “When’s the next fucking Beach Day?”
She chuckled again, reaching into my bag. “I’m using your towel, by the way,” she told me, right before wiping her face off.
“Hey, wait – ew,” I reacted, watching my load go from her face to the towel.
“What did you expect?” she asked. “Did you want me to walk back with this still on my face?”
“Would you have?” I asked with a grin.
“You’re such a pervert,” she said with a smile, shoving me as she got to her feet. “You’re wasted on a good girl like me.”
“I think the wasting is the other way around, sweetheart,” I told her, moving in for a kiss. I winced as I felt fluid touch my cheek. “Bleh.”
“Your fault,” she said with a laugh.
The two of us got cleaned up and clothed, realizing that even though the likelihood of getting caught wasn’t great, it wasn’t exactly zero either, and plus, Morgan clearly wanted this on some level, and probably wanted to brag to her friends or whatever people do after these things do down.
That said, bragging wasn’t needed. As soon as we got back to the girls’ section, we were met with a chorus of cheers and claps. Abby, of course, was leading the cheers and chanting various praise our way, much to my embarrassment.
I didn’t need a mirror to know I turned some shade of pink knowing the girls were cheering for us. Morgan was clearly slightly embarrassed too, though she also clearly was proud of what she had done. I caught her gaze and she gave me a smile, something I knew she didn’t do much in crowds. I couldn’t help but smile back.
“Want to go swimming?” she asked as the cheers died down.
I was about to say yes, then realized the hilarity of the situation. “I’d, uh, love to, but…” I trailed off. “…I’d need to change first. Want to come with me?”
Morgan and I laughed together.
***
I was exhausted by the time I got home. Thankfully, everyone was in bed when I made it in, so, as quietly as I could, I dropped off my bag, brushed my teeth, and hopped into bed.
“Welcome home,” Kevin’s voice greeted me in the darkness.
“Thanks,” I replied. If this were the first time I might have been frightened, but years of sharing the room with him made me used to situations like this.
“Had a good time?”
I could hear something in Kevin’s voice. He sounded… deflated. Sad. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
“No no, you first, did you have a good time?”
“I’m not a good swimmer, but I got to spend a lot of time with Morgan, so that was nice,” I answered.
“Cool, glad to hear it,” Kevin said tiredly. “And you don’t wanna hear it, it would probably just sound bitter and jealous anyway.”
“Are you bitter and jealous about how I got to go to Beach Day and you didn’t?” I asked.
“More than that. I’m kinda… like, no offense, why did you get into the popular crowd so effortlessly?” he asked. “I swear I spend my entire conscious life trying to get into people’s good books and then, again, I’m super happy for you and want to see you succeed but, I just see you instantly blow past me. It’s making me question a lot of stuff. Like, was everything I did in high school for nothing?”
“I wouldn’t worry about it too much,” I replied. “First of all, I’d give all of my popularity to you, if I even have any, in a heartbeat. Though I think I squandered it by standing up for the marginalized.”
“Ooh, viva la revolution! Is there a story there?”
“Someday. Not now. Secondly, this was all just because Morgan started dating me, which was all because I tutored Taylor. This was all just random chance.”
“Quinn, I love you, but that definitely makes it all worse,” Kevin complained. “I put in a solid effort all year and it all gets squished by random chance.”
I remained silent, not knowing how to comfort him further.
“Like, yeah, sometimes I could be a little overbearing, and maybe sometimes I pushed buttons, but… I tried, you know? Think whatever you will of me, but I put in the effort.”
“‘Think whatever you will of me?’ You’re my brother, Kev.”
“Figure of speech.”
“I think you did try, and if I had any kind of actual control over this stuff, you would have become popular and I wouldn’t have. Okay?”
Kevin let the words sink in. “I’m sorry,” he eventually said. “I know it’s not your fault. And I know I shouldn’t care so much.”
“Caring a lot is a good thing,” I found myself saying. “It’s good to care a lot. You can get hurt easier, but you can feel joy a lot easier too.” I paused. “You know I’d do what I could to make you feel more joy.”
“Weird way of saying that, but you’re sweet,” Kevin affectionately replied. “I shouldn’t let it get to me. We should get some sleep, huh?”
“Yeah,” I murmured. “G’nite, Kev.”
“G’nite,” he replied, and soon, silence filled the room.
I really did feel bad for Kevin. It was true, he did try, he tried his butt off, and apart from him, no one could see that more consistently than I could. And yet, I was the popular one, just because of who I was dating. I was like that guy that Oprah married. Stetson, Steadman…? I couldn’t remember his name. I guess that proved my point.
Even though I had my own crap to look out for, by some metrics, I was popular at this point. And if it meant enough to Kevin, maybe there was a way that I could help him out a little. It felt good to help people out, but after all of the effort he put in, Kevin out of everyone deserved to see some returns. Besides, even with all of the shit going on in my life… I smiled. It hit me for the first time, the first time I consciously thought it… I was happy.
Chapter Seventeen
It was good to have a break from the drama. I didn’t know if it was because Milo finally eased up or if it just needed time, but I was just happy to see the group was doing alright, and doubly happy to see I could actually exist in the group without causing a schism or something.
Morgan clung to my arm, sunglasses and grin donned. We both watched as Lexi, Milo and Taylor all rode the roller coaster. I gulped nervously even watching it. I had never gone to a theme park in my life, and it was a cool experience being here, but I was glad I was only watching what was going on.
Morgan giggled next to me. “Scared?”
“Terrified,” I honestly replied, eyes glued to the roller coaster.
She laughed again. “It’s not so bad. The first time you ride it, it feels like everything is going haywire, but then you kind of get addicted to the thrill of it. It’s kind of like relationships.”
I smirked. “Oh yeah? Then why don’t I feel like things are going haywire with you?”
She smirked back. “Because all three people that have made it haywire are on that coaster, and you and I are over here.” We laughed and I gave her a quick kiss. “But seriously, at least go on some of the rides. It’s only polite.”
“I know it’s kiddie stuff, but, genuinely, can I start with the Merry-Go-Round or something?” I asked nervously. “My only experience with this stuff is Roller Coaster Tycoon.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s an economy-based simulation game where you have to-”
“So it’s a video game,” she told me with a giggle and kissed my cheek.
I pouted. “Yes, it’s a video game,” I mumbled. “You’re doing the thing again.”
“What thing?”
“The interrupting thing.”
“Oh, right, sorry.” She let go of my arm, seeing Crystal coming back from the washroom. “Hey!” she called out, waving to her, face back to stern and leader-y. “The others went on Flashback.”
“Of course they did,” Crystal mumbled, then looked at me and smiled. “What’s wrong, holding out for the Carousel?”
“Yes. Actually yes,” I immediately replied.
“No fun, Quinn. C’mon, Taylor sprung for your ticket! Live a little!” Crystal protested.
Morgan turned pink as I whipped my head to look at her. “Taylor sprung f-”
“If you make a big deal about this, I swear to God…” she mumbled, still pink, half-joking and half-serious.
“But why would sh-”
“Quinn, not every ‘why,’” she reminded me. “Just see it as a peace offering. Please?”
I could feel my breathing quicken, and realized she was totally right. I nodded, just adding this to the list of ‘things that totally didn’t make sense that I would figure out later.’ The pile was getting annoyingly large.
A short time later, the trio returned. Taylor and Milo were laughing to themselves, and Lexi looked like a lil’ ball of electricity.
“I am on fucking fire! Hyaaa!” she exclaimed to the heavens, rooting herself in a power stance. “Holy fucking shit, that was good.”
“Hey Lexi,” I began, unable to stop myself. “Thank goodness you barely qualified as tall enough to ride, huh?” I gestured to the sign, which asked ride-goers to be at least four feet tall.
Lexi lunged at me, hitting me with her little yet powerful fists, with me defending myself but laughing along the way. The other girls and Milo largely rolled their eyes, not really enjoying the short joke. I figured, if nothing else, Kevin would enjoy the story later.
“Alright, alright,” Morgan eventually cut in, separating Lexi from me. “I’ll finish the job later for you.”
“I’d like to see you try,” I replied with a wink in her direction.
“Gross,” Milo laughed. “So, what’s next?”
“Pandemonium!” Lexi cheered, now completely disconnected from the moment that just happened. “I wanna ride this high until I puke!”
“Remind me why I’m your friend again,” Taylor mock-scoffed.
“Sorry that I’m having fun?” Lexi asked facetiously in a charged voice. “C’mon! Pandemoooniummm~!” With that, she ran off towards the next roller coaster.
“So like, who’s been giving Lexi sugar?” Taylor jokingly asked.
“This happens every time,” Crystal said, mostly to me. “Give her an hour after she rides her first roller coaster of the season and she’ll calm down and be like the rest of us again.”
“I could do Pandemonium with her,” Taylor reasoned. “Like, if she’s going, might as well. Who’s with me?”
“Sure!” Milo piped up.
“I’m in,” Crystal replied.
“Yeah.”
The group turned to look at me, but I chose to look at Taylor. I shrugged and replied, “M-might as well rip the band-aid off, right? I’ll do it.”
Taylor gave a soft giggle and a small smile formed on her face. “Alright, awesome,” she said, more in a quiet murmur than anything.
“Are you sure?” Morgan asked, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
I eyed the orange and green coaster. Truthfully, it didn’t look as bad as a lot of the others. Still, even lookin at it made me nervous. “Yeah,” I mumbled. “I mean, I’m here now.”
The group seemed excited that I wanted to try it, which made sense; they were making ‘wet blanket’ jokes about me since we arrived. Plus, I probably looked scared, and waiting in line watching the coaster and its spinning carts did not help a bit.
I breathed deeply as a ride worker lowered the T-bar. I ended up sitting next to Morgan with two strangers opposite us – Taylor, Crystal, Lexi and Milo all got in the cart before us. Morgan grabbed my hand and held it, smiling supportively at me.
I smiled guiltily. “I’m not a baby,” I defended myself.
Her expression turned blank. “You’re not a baby,” she acknowledged with a nod. “Did you want me not to hold your hand?”
“I, uh… sure, keep holding it,” I chuckled nervously as the ride began. Even though nothing had happened and we were slowly going up, I sucked in my breath. The cart already began tilting. We were going higher and higher, higher than I thought even when looking at the ride. Morgan squeezed my hand.
The first time the cart fell, my heart fell with it. I exhaled, feeling like death was taking me. I squeezed my eyes shut and felt the wind blowing, hearing Morgan squeal next to me, along with the other two strangers. As soon as I felt things normalize, I opened my eyes, just in time to see another precipitous drop within meters of us.
My breathing quickened. I squeezed Morgan’s hand, and my brain went on autopilot. “I love you,” I told her with urgency, staring straight forward.
As we dropped, the cart rolled and tilted from side to side. Both Morgan and I had to break our hands away to grab the T-bar to stabilize ourselves, but the other two in our cart just leaned with it, laughing like adrenaline junkies. I felt like I was riding the sky itself, like I was an unwilling action movie hero or something. It was wild, it was crazy, and it was fun, but a very dangerous kind of fun.
When the cart finally slowed, I tried to stabilize my breathing and finally looked at Morgan. She was already looking at me, with the hugest grin I’d seen on her face yet.
“Your eyes are all misty,” was all she said to me.
“Was what I said okay?” I asked in a low voice.
“That’s such a dumb question,” she told me, never losing the smile. Sheepishly, I smiled back.
***
Hanging out with Lexi was fun, but it came with a big caveat. Lexi was the average boy’s dream: she wanted one thing and one thing only.
“Lexi, I told you, I’m not ready for that yet,” I said firmly.
Lexi pouted. “But summer is like halfway over! Then you’re leaving for college, and then we won’t get to see each other, and it’ll be, like, a summer wasted!”
“What makes it wasted, Lexi?” I asked, my eyes gleaming.
“Fuck off,” she replied bitterly. I could only laugh. “Fine. Want to go to, like, Starbucks or something?”
“I’m trying to save money, actually,” I replied. I was amazed how often these girls went out and just bought stuff as a social activity. “I can go, but I won’t be buying anything.”
“Then what’s the point?” she practically squawked. “I don’t wanna, like, just drag you somewhere just so I can buy something and then we go home.”
I grinned at her. “Sounds like we’re not going out then,” I pointed out.
I dodged the aptly-named throw pillow chucked at my head. “Well, what do you do with-” I dodged another pillow. “…friends when you’re not going out to the store with them or having sex with them?”
Lexi paused, third throw pillow in hand, and thought for a second. “Wanna watch a movie?” she finally offered.
I snatched the third pillow from her hand and booped her on the head. “Sure,” I teased.
“You’re mean,” she replied, rubbing her head.
“You threw it at me first! Twice,” I retorted. “What did you wanna watch?” I hopped up and grabbed the remote in time to feel her hug me from behind. I chuckled. “Hey there.”
“Hi,” she simply said, hugging me more tightly.
The two of us went back to the couch and flipped through a few movies, eventually settling on some inoffensive action flick. Lexi’s eyes sparkled and she grabbed whatever was closest to her whenever the action reached its peak. Whenever the action got good, I turned to watch her instead, and lightly chuckled when she clutched at the armrest with her mouth in the ‘o’ shape.
Eventually she got wise to me. “What?” she asked, pouting. “The movie is over there.”
“You’re more fun to watch,” I replied, smiling.
She looked at me for a bit, then eventually smiled back, and scooted over to me. I laid back and she lay against me as we continued to watch the movie.
It was really nice, and the best part of all, it didn’t have to be sexual. It was like a close form of friendship, where we didn’t need to worry about sex or performing for one another or expectations…
Or so I thought. After a few minutes of watching the movie, I felt Lexi start to shift and squirm. At first I thought she was trying to get herself comfortable, but before long I felt an unmistakable presence rubbing up against the front of my pants.
I swallowed. I wish I wasn’t this easy, but feeling her neediness even with the clothes between us made me embarrassingly hard embarrassingly quickly. Still, I did my best to maintain my composure. “Having fun?” I breathed.
She didn’t reply, but didn’t stop her motions.
I chuckled. “Trying to play it cool, huh?”
“Hey Quinn, do you mind?” she asked with mock annoyance. “I’m trying to watch.”
I laughed silently, enjoying how Lexi was never not Lexi. “Okay, sorry,” I practically whispered, then decided that if Lexi was going to torment me, I may as well torment her back. I grabbed her shoulder and began to thrust myself against her. She may have loved playing it cool, but she gave a sharp exhale the first time I thrust against her, and around the fifth, I clearly heard her whimper.
I did this a few times before deciding I had my fun, and plus, poor Lexi probably couldn’t take any more. As well, I was a person with urges too, and I just shut Lexi down. The last thing I needed was to make her believe it was this easy to change my mind. Confident that I’d fucked with her enough, I released her shoulder from my grip and pulled my hips back. She merely responded by pulling her hips back with me.
I ran my tongue over my teeth. On some level, this was my fault. Once she was confident I wasn’t pulling back any more, she resumed moving her hips around on my dick until I could help but emit a whimper of my own, which I tried to masquerade as a masculine grunt. When she heard, Lexi looked at me and smirked, but didn’t say anything and turned back.
I sighed and rolled my eyes, still feeling Lexi work her ass against me. Morgan had done a good job to improve my stamina, but if anything I was average at best at this point; I had to push Lexi off. Unfortunately, my brain didn’t get the meo, and what started as ‘pushing her butt off of me’ became ‘grab her butt and uhhhhhhhhh yeah.’
I was frankly surprised Lexi had a hard time with guys. Her passion was practically contagious. Once it registered that I was groping her instead of pushing her away, she pushed her butt back into my hands, arching her back and biting her lip. Even from behind, seeing the side of her face awash with ecstasy made me want nothing more than to continue.
I couldn’t resist dragging my finger across her slit, reaching between her legs. She responded in kind, opening her legs and openly moaning at this point. We weren’t pretending any more. Neither one of us was too cool for what we were doing. Neither one of us was teasing. We just wanted each other.
Lexi turned her head back to look at me, her face looking like she was almost in fear. “Please,” she breathed.
I was probably blushing from the desire I was feeling. Getting to touch her after several minutes of her grinding up against me would do that to any guy. I could feel my chest rising and falling with my breaths. Even so, I said nothing.
“Either stop it r-right now or do it,” she said in a voice above a whisper, breaking eye contact with me. I chewed on her words, refusing to stop what I was presently doing to her body. I didn’t want to stop groping her. She riled me up, and now I wanted release. Whether it was a bad idea didn’t even enter my mind; I was too far gone. I just wanted it. I never thought about anything else.
Forcefully, I grabbed her leggings and yanked them down, earning a yelp from her. Lexi blushed deeply, despite me having seen her panties a good five or six times now. But never in this context, and we both knew that.
“Condom,” I breathed, an order rather than a request.
“Yeah,” she immediately replied, attempting to get up and tripping. She fell on the ground, ditching the leggings and nearly running to her handbag. She rifled through it, bending over and giving me another view, then retrieved a condom. Upon seeing it, I immediately started to ditch my pants, too horny to think about whether this was a good idea or not. Lexi wanted it this badly, and she was going to rile me up this much, so she was going to get what she wanted, and what she deserved.
Lexi had seen my dick only twice before, once to just look at it (although that ended in a handjob), once to blow me. And yet, when it came into view, she bit her lip again. She handed the condom to me and waited there nervously. I started to tear open the packaging until I saw she was just standing there, and hesitated.
“Where do you want me?” she breathed.
“Where you were before,” I ordered, gesturing next to me.
“Okay,” she said timidly, working her panties off as I stood up and applied the condom. She knelt on the couch, looking behind her, as I angled myself up to her.
“Are you ready for this?” I asked.
“Quinn, for fu-”
“Answer me.”
She shivered. “Yes. Please,” she begged with a new voice.
“Good girl,” I replied, my voice surprisingly smooth for how nervous I was.
“Oh fuck,” she instinctively groaned, though I didn’t know that was from what I said or my fingers running along her slit. She was wet, eager, and ready for me. I lined myself up, and couldn’t contain my own moan when I slid inside her, being inside Lexi for the first time.
“Oh fuck yes, give it to me Quinn, fuuuuck I’ve been wanting this, hurry up, fuck me…” Lexi started babbling. My brain was on autopilot. Reaching forward, I grabbed her hair and yanked it, leaning forward so that my mouth was next to her ear. “Stop talking,” I warned her.
She breathed hard, but didn’t say anything. I came back down to Earth a little, and added, “Is this okay?”
“Yeah,” she panted. She was practically shivering, but from what I could see, she wasn’t uncomfortable.
“Do you want me to fuck you? Only say ‘yes or ‘no,’” I commanded.
“Yes,” she said, just above a whisper.
I released her hair and straightened my back, beginning to push my hips back and forth. Both of my hands grabbed Lexi’s butt, gripping them with a force that let her know I wasn’t playing around. Once She’d become accustomed to my full length inside her, I began to slam myself inside her, over and over again, earning the sweet melodies of Lexi’s grunts and groans.
“Hoooly fuuuuck…” she groaned. “It’s b-been too f-fuckin’ long…”
I thrust myself to the hilt inside of her and ground my hips against her before resuming my thrusts. My dick slid in and out of her, over and over, with her wetness even apparent through sound. I didn’t just have to feel it – Lexi sounded especially wet.
“You feel so good, Lexi,” I groaned.
“T-told you that it would be a summer wasted without getting to f-fuck me,” she groaned. “We n-need to do this more o-often…”
She was insatiable. “Maybe we do,” I groaned, keeping up the pace. Lexi’s moans rang through the thankfully empty house as I continued to slam my hips into hers, realizing that there was no way I was going to be able to pretend I wouldn’t want this again.
***
“So, I finally beat the final boss in Bloodborne,” Kevin bragged as we tidied up the kitchen together.
“Oh yeah?” I asked. “Which one would that be?”
Kevin gave me a confused look. “Um, wouldn’t you know?” he asked. “Mergo’s Wet Nurse. Obviously.”
“Oh. Interesting!” I replied, unable to hide my smirk. “That one.”
“…Are there more?” Kevin asked. “Are there more?!”
I laughed, saying nothing but continuing to sweep the floors. I heard someone buzz our place, and ignored it as Mother went to talk to the person.
“Who is it?” she barked.
“Um, hi, does Quinn Shen live there?” I heard a feminine voice ask. I immediately looked up from the floor. That wasn’t Morgan’s voice. It was… Taylor’s.
Mother couldn’t parse the difference, of course. All white girls sounded the same to her. “Ah, girlfriend,” she replied disinterestedly, then buzzed her in.
Poor Taylor was probably so confused. I looked at Kevin, who was still wiping the counters. He either didn’t listen or thought it was Morgan too. Realizing just how weird the situation could get, I whipped out my phone, setting the broom against the counter.
“Quinn!” Mother barked. “The floors are not swept. You can not hang out with your girlfriend or message text your friends until the floors are swept!”
“I’m trying to – Mother, I’m trying to-” I tried to say, but she spoke over me.
“Pick up the broom and finish! You are almost done!” she said as if it were obvious. “No phone. You can use your phone after you finish sweeping!” She made a ‘get to it’ motion with her hands, letting me know she was serious.
I sighed, picking up the broom and sweeping with great urgency as Mother turned away, mumbling, “honestly, tsk tsk…”
This was going to be interesting. I knew for a fact that Taylor would reach this place before I finished, but I could still work with hope. I managed to quickly sweep the floors and get the dust in the bin, then quickly whipped my phone out of my pocket…
Just in time to hear a knock on the door. “I’ll get it!” Kevin offered.
“You will not,” I replied immediately, pointing a finger at him.
Kevin gave me a weird look as Mother, oblivious to her kids, opened the door to reveal Taylor Wise.
“Oh. You are not the girlfriend. Who are you?” she asked plainly.
“Taylor?!” Kevin asked incredulously.
“Yeah, um, hi, I’m Taylor, Taylor Wise. I’m a friend of Quinn’s…” she trailed off shyly. “Hi Kevin.”
“Taylor… Ah, yes! Quinn’s not-girlfriend!” Mother replied with enthusiasm, picking up Nuo so she couldn’t squeeze past Taylor. “Yes yes, come in.”
She paused and gave Mother a confused look before continuing. “Well, actually, I was just wondering if maybe I could talk to Quinn in private about something…” She looked at me. “Sorry. I would have texted, but, like… yeah. Just kinda decided in the moment.”
“Could I hear about it?” Kevin asked, no doubt clueless as to what was going on but wanting in.
“Kevin,” I chided.
“Oh, right,” he replied. He cleared his throat. “Can I help?” he rephrased.
Taylor gave that confused smile-laugh popular girls gave when they were flattered but uncomfortable. “No, it’s okay Kevin, but, uh, thanks?” she offered.
“I get it. Context-specific,” he replied, touching his nose twice. “Alright, I’ll butt out, but, uh, Tay, if I can call you Tay, if you ever need a guy on your side, I’m there.” He went back to wiping the countertops. “Just wanted to say that. School was school, but, you’re alright. You’re cool.”
Taylor’s look was now just a smile. “Uh, thanks, Kevin. You’re cool too,” she slowly said. She turned to me and asked, “So like, can I come in?”
I looked towards my room. “Ironically, we might have more privacy outside,” I told her. “No offense, Kev.”
“I get it, I get it,” he replied from behind me.
“Uh, sure, yeah,” Taylor mumbled, already moving out of the apartment. “Sorry again.”
I walked out with her and shut the door behind me. “No, no, it’s cool, we seem… cool, yeah?”
She gave a soft chuckle. “Yes Quinn, we’re cool.”
“Okay,” I replied. Both of us got in the elevator and I pressed the button. When the doors closed, I couldn’t resist. “Is there some kind of… trouble?”
“No, but, like, why did your mom call me your ‘not-girlfriend?’”
“Oh.” I turned pink. “Um, so, English isn’t her first language, and she gets confused about names and what they mean in English, since in Chinese, we have a system called, uh, wǒ shì piànzi, which is like who people aren’t as opposed to who they are…”
“Oh. Okay,” she replied, thankfully buying it. “Yeah, no trouble, I just wanted to talk. As friends.”
“As friends,” I repeated, the elevator door opening. “Okay.” We began to walk out, and I gestured towards the front of the building. “There’s a bench outside if you want. How private exactly does this need to be?”
“Um…” she trailed off. “I guess, like, not that private. Sure, a bench can work.”
“Thanks, by the way,” I awkwardly added. It was like the entire last four-to-five months were erased whenever I talked to her, like I was just a lowly nerd that didn’t know how to talk again.
“Thanks?” she replied inquisitively. “For what?”
“The ticket. It, uh, w-was really nice of you.”
She flashed me a smile. “Oh, you’re welcome,” she warmly said. “I mean, it seemed like it would be fun for you to come along. I’m glad you did.” She let a pause float between us. “I bet Morgan was glad too.”
We sat down on the bench. “I meant to ask, why wasn’t Joel there? I mean, if I was there because I was Morgan’s boyfriend, why wasn’t your boyfriend there?”
Taylor winced, like she was in pain. “Ouch,” she simply said.
“What?”
“So, uh, I came here to tell you that me and Joel broke up.”
“Oh. Oh, no. I’m really sorry, Taylor.”
She sighed, looking away. “Yeah, like, I’m sorry too,” she replied shakily. “It’s probably dumb because… because of everything you heard and saw, but… it still hurts.”
“Y-yeah,” I replied awkwardly, not knowing what to say. I did get it. When Taylor was refusing to talk to me, it hurt too, kind of like a breakup. It felt like I didn’t want her gone, even if it was right after I discovered all of the stuff Taylor did. The bad stuff.
She turned back to me. “Couldn’t you figure it out?” She gave me a weak smile. “Gifted kid.”
“No, I haven’t even talked to him since that one house party, the one where Morgan and I… you know.”
“Yeah, I remember,” she softly replied. “Uh, congrats.”
“Well, I mean, we did talk afterwards about it…” I trailed off.
She gave me a confused expression. “Uh, no we didn’t…” she replied in a weirded out tone.
My face slightly scrunched up as I remembered that it was a fucking dream. “Oh, uh, I’m thinking of something else,” I lied. “Anyway, I didn’t talk to him. For a while, I was, uh… I was… too s-scared to talk to you.”
“Too scared, huh?” she asked.
“Let’s… not. This should be about you. Anyway, there was no way I could have known.”
“You went to Beach Day, didn’t you?” she asked.
“Um, yeah, but guys were separated from girls. I never even saw you two talk. I guess that would be weird in other situations, but…”
“Quinn, what happens on Beach Day?”
It was my turn to give her a weird look. “Um, people go to the beach. During the day.”
“What kinds of traditions happen on Beach Day, Quinn?”
My confused look intensified until what she was saying clicked. Any couple that was still together by beach day went to the change rooms together. Morgan and I were the only ones that were prompted. “Oh…” I practically moaned in realization.
“Yup,” she replied sadly.
“B-but, he drove you! And nothing was wrong!”
“Nothing seemed wrong,” she corrected me. “We weren’t, like, doing great, but we were still together by the time he arrived. And by the time we left… fuckin’ nope.” She let out a sigh.
“Then why did Abby tease Morgan but not you?”
“Honestly? Abby was probably the one that convinced him to fuckin’ end it,” she replied, her tone clearly reflecting what she thought of Abby. “I’m actually kinda relieved we didn’t have to do it, but still, what a fuckin’… what a fuckin’ insult.”
“I’m sorry, Taylor,” I replied slowly.
She gave another sigh. A shorter one, the kind you give to hold back tears. “Yeah,” she eventually replied. “I dunno why I stayed with him so long. I just… wanted him to care. I wanted him to care so bad that I thought that, like, if I stayed, maybe he’d start.” She looked at me. “You know? Like, if he spent enough time around me, maybe he would start to want to care. Like I mattered more because I was at least around for more of his life or something. I bet Abby just wanted him for herself.”
“I don’t think we can pin this one one person other than Joel himself,” I thought out loud.
She stared daggers at me. “Quinn, you knew, like, nothing about their situation. You met Abby on Beach Day. You don’t get to talk down to me for how I see her.”
I chewed on my lip. “Okay, yeah, that’s fair,” I conceded. “So, how can I help this? I mean, you break up, and you want to see me?”
“I just wanted us to, like, talk this over. As friends, I dunno,” she replied.
“Uh…” I didn’t know how to reply further.
“What?” she asked.
“I don’t know how to reply to that without getting you angry,” I uneasily replied.
“Wait, say it.”
“No,” I asserted. “Seeing you angry is scary, and I don’t want to experience that again.”
“Well, even saying what you said made me kind of upset, so like, may as well say the whole thing,” she replied.
I sighed. This had better not turn into drama. “Well, when we first started talking, like, more than tutoring, it nearly instantly became sexual, even while you were in a relationship, and then after things boiled over, I felt like you… dropped me. Like anything aside from sexual stuff wasn’t important to you. I felt disposable, and I kind of felt hurt and abandoned when you stopped talking to me. There wasn’t really much of a friendship there to begin with.”
“I-!” Taylor began, and I instinctively moved back on the bench and winced.
Her face didn’t change from her angry expression, but she paused. “You look like I’m about to eat your face or something,” she said with an even tone, keeping her angry expression.
“I like having my face,” I feebly replied.
She softened her face and closed her eyes, keeping them closed. “I’m disappointed that you choose to see it that way,” she said slowly. “We both made mistakes, didn’t we? Your story seems to be all about mine.”
“…What’s your story?” I asked.
She opened her eyes. “We got too into things together and I did what had to be done to make sure everything didn’t, like, explode. And yeah, it meant cutting you off for a bit. But I’m here now. I, like, bought your ticket, didn’t I?”
“Don’t bring up buying something I didn’t ask you to buy like you’re holding it over me, that’s not fair,” I protested, albeit with a weak voice.
She looked at me for a bit. “I didn’t come here to argue with you,” she said finally. “Shit happened but I’m here now. I’m your… I want to say I’m your friend. Okay?”
I stayed silent. “What, do you not trust me or something?” she asked.
“I mean…”
A beat of silence passed between us. “What do you think is the, like, worst thing that could happen if you say ‘okay, Taylor, you’re my friend?’ I mean, according to your worldview, a popular girl like me couldn’t want to be your friend anyway.”
Despite the dig, I smiled. “It turns out things are a bit more complicated than that,” I gingerly admitted. “Popular and not weren’t just binary values. Who knew?”
“I did, dummy,” she replied with her own smile. “I mean, I don’t know what ‘binary’ is, but like, yeah, of course it’s not that simple.”
“Well, you’re right. And I’m glad you are. I couldn’t be with Morgan if the world was how I thought it was.”
“Yeah, with Morgan…” she slowly repeated. “Can I ask, what’s the deal with you and Lexi?”
I played it cool. “What do you mean?” I asked with faux confusion.
“Why are you fucking her if you’re with Morgan?” Taylor asked point-blank.
My facial expression definitely gave me away. I opened my mouth to speak, but chewed on my words a little longer. I ran my tongue over my teeth and opened my mouth again. “It just came up, and it came up from Morgan first. I’m, uh, bad at saying no, and I think I have an impulse-control problem.”
“Can I get a definition?” she asked.
“I’m bad at holding back. I like sex, Lexi’s fun, so even though a part of me doesn’t want it, I just… y’know, end up doing it.”
“Wow,” Taylor replied, both impressed and disappointed in my response. “Thank fuck you’re in an open relationship. I mean, like, I guess you’re like most guys, but at least most guys lie to themselves about it.”
“Hey, truth be told, I kind of want to close it. I know Morgan is open, but a part of me feels wrong doing it. I keep doing it anyway, which is another reason I just don’t want my girlfriend giving me the option, you know?”
Taylor slowly gave me a smile. “You know what? Good for you, Quinn,” she said. “I’m sorry I keep, like, putting pressure on you or whatever.” A beat of silence passed. “I’m, uh, sorry for a lot of stuff I do.”
“Huh?”
“I’m just… sorry. I feel like if I was better, a lot of this shit wouldn’t have happened.”
“Come on, Taylor, don’t give me that,” I replied. “I agree, it wouldn’t have. And I would have just been the same loser wishing he could start living his life.”
She looked away, off towards the sky, and looked back. When she looked back, her eyes were misty. “I feel like I hurt people a lot, Quinn,” she told me quietly. “I feel like I don’t know how to give people what they need.”
Taylor came over here talking about how she was broken up with and I still made it about me. I felt like slapping myself. I grabbed her hand in both of mine and looked intently at her. “Taylor, I’m sorry too. I’m being selfish. I’m sorry you’re hurting, and if Joel can’t see what a good person you are, well, that’s his loss.”
Her eyes just welled up more. “If I’m a good person, why can’t you even accept me as your friend?” she asked, hurt.
The spell was broken and I looked away. Damn, I really double-talked there, and she had me. Turning back, I hesitated. “Because… we had our own troubles. I’m sorry, I keep getting wrapped up in my own mind. You need a friend right now. You need a friend. I was just being defensive, like always. Of course I’ll be your friend, Taylor. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t want to be my friend, Quinn,” she replied sadly.
“I don’t… want drama, that’s all,” I replied, searching myself for the best words. “Like I said, defensive. This kind of stuff never happened to me before. I’m worried more stuff will blow up in my face.”
“So do you want me to… what? Be your friend, be, like, a background character, have sex with you, leave you alone…?”
“I think I just want… fuck, I don’t know. I just wish some stuff we did never happened.”
I caught her hurt expression and added, “I’m bad with words. I’m glad I met you, Taylor. I’m sorry, I’m clearly making this worse.”
“No, no,” she replied. “This clearly has, like, been a long time coming, hasn’t it?”
“I guess,” I replied uneasily.
“Maybe words aren’t what we need right now,” she added.
I looked at her but said nothing. She looked at me, then scooted her butt over next to mine and slowly rested her head on my shoulder.
“Um, what…?” I asked.
“Don’t worry,” she replied calmly. “This is a thing friends do.”
“…Okay,” I admitted, then leaned my head against hers. Eventually, my arm was around her shoulder. Minutes went by. At one point, Taylor started crying, and turned into my shoulder. I let her cry and supportively rubbed her back as she got the tears out. Once the tears were out, she resumed her place with her head on my shoulder.
She tried to say something, but after the cry, it got stuck in her throat. She cleared her throat and said, “Fuck Joel.”
“Fuck Joel,” I repeated. “You deserve better.”
“You deserve better than the shit I put you through too,” she said sadly.
I turned to her and smiled. “I guess that makes us even with the stuff I did.”
She smiled back, even if her smile told me she didn’t believe me.
“I kept obsessing over whether people deserved to stay together or be friends or whatever,” I thought out loud. “I’m bad at just thinking about what I want instead of what I deserve, or ‘should do,’ or something.”
“I think I have the opposite problem,” Taylor admitted, looking up at me, her head still on my shoulder.
“We’re a good match,” I admitted, smiling at her, her eyes inches from mine. Out of nowhere, as if to punctuate what I said, I leaned my head down and kissed her forehead.
We both reacted instantly, giving each other a look. I knew the look I was giving her: shock and fear. I had no clue why I just did that, and I felt like I couldn’t move another inch. Taylor didn’t react with disgust, or even anything negative, more like a weird curiosity.
“That’s not really something friends do…” she murmured, not moving from her place on my shoulder.
“I know, I’m really sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking,” I blurted out.
Taylor let me finish, then shook her head gently. “No no, don’t worry. I’m, uh, not saying it’s not okay,” she softly replied. “I liked it,” she quietly added.
“We shouldn’t have done it,” I admitted uneasily.
“Why not?” she asked. “I’m single, and you’re allowed to have sex with other girls.”
“Other girls in the friend group,” I corrected her.
She looked up at me and smiled. “I’m in the friend group,” she reminded me. “And, like… it’s nice to feel wanted.”
I stared at her, and could feel an uneasy smile slowly grow on my face. Before I knew it, Taylor had wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me on the lips. It wasn’t a long kiss, but it was definitely one of those. My eyes were closing on my own. It felt good.
“We definitely suck at this whole ‘no sex, just being friends’ thing,” I joked breathily.
“We’re so bad at it,” Taylor agreed with a smile. “We definitely should, like, stop now though.”
“Yeah, we should,” I admitted, though we gave each other another kiss before we got up from the bench. “I will, uh, tell Morgan about this, just for the record.”
“It doesn’t sound like we broke any rules, Quinn,” she told me.
“Yeah, but I’d never want to hide anything from my girlfriend,” I said. “This is new stuff and I never want her to feel betrayed.”
She shook her head slightly. “Not, like, throwing shade on Morgan, but she really doesn’t deserve you, you know that?”
Remembering earlier how I didn’t know enough about her Abby story, I decided to not interrogate that claim and just shrug. “Like I said, who cares about ‘deserve?’ I just know she and I both like each other.” I turned away, then turned back. “So, uh, what is this?” I gestured to the two of us.
It was her turn to shrug. “How about you talk to Morgan then we can see?” she asked, almost shyly. “I mean, if even Lexi is getting to-” She stopped, then thought about what she said, then faced me with a different expression. “If Morgan says okay, we can talk about what you want, and go from there,” she said, with a new tone. “I just want to, you know, make you feel good too.”
“You’re sweet,” I said with a slight laugh.
“I’m really not. But I want to be.” She smiled again. “I think you bring out the better in people, Quinn.”
“Are you going to be okay?” I asked.
“I mean, no?” she replied with a shrug. “That’s what breakups do. Give me time.”
I nodded solemnly, and reflected. There wasn’t a single doubt in my mind that once I went back inside, I’d regret what I did. But I was also weirdly excited by it. This could have been the start of something new, and it had been a while since I’d hoped for things to change and get more chaotic.
***
When I had told Morgan that I had full-on sex with Lexi only days before, Morgan reacted as if I told her that I got a good grade on a test or something. On the other hand, from the moment I had mentioned Taylor’s name today, the air noticeably changed.
“…Are you okay?” I asked after an uncomfortable silence. She didn’t reply. “I thought that since you had said the friend group was okay, and that Taylor only wasn’t okay because of the relationshi-”
“Stop talking please,” she calmly ordered with a plain face, the first thing she said since I told her about Taylor. “So, you kissed her.”
My heart sank. I knew she wouldn’t take it with a smile, but this was worrying. “Uh, yeah,” I replied nervously.
“Nothing beyond that?”
“Nothing,” I confirmed.
“Who initiated it?” she asked.
“Um, does it matter?”
“Yes.”
I stared at her silently. Clearly, either I was in trouble or Taylor was or something. In that moment I couldn’t even remember who initiated what, but I knew that I was sick of drama and, for whatever reason, wanted to protect Taylor.
“I did,” I replied, not even knowing if it was the truth. “I won’t do it again if-”
“Okay,” she simply replied. “I’d like some time alone to process this please.”
“…Um, hang on, no, I want to at least know if I’m in trouble or if I’ve hurt you or something,” I replied uneasily. “I don’t even know if I did anything wrong. Or, like, anything against your wishes.”
She looked away, and sighed. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I told you no, but I said it was because of the Joel thing. I should have just told you no.”
I paused. “So, did you misinform me, or did you yourself just not know it was another reason?”
Morgan looked at me with some kind of new look of sorrow I didn’t recognize. “Quinn, this is exhausting. Just, like, pick one, okay? I’m upset and want to process it. You’re fine. You’re a fucking angel if that makes you feel better, okay? Whatever you want to hear. Just please leave me alone right now.”
“I need to ask one more question,” I replied sternly.
I could see tears beginning to form in Morgan’s eyes. Her look was quickly turning to impatient anger. “Hurry.”
“Am I leaving the house or going to the living room? I want to stay but if you want me to leave…”
“Either. I won’t use the fact that you stayed against you if you stay. Get out of my room please,” she quietly but impatiently told me. I didn’t really want to leave, but reluctantly, I walked out and shut the door. As soon as I did, I heard an impact, like she hit the wall or something. Then came the sound of sobbing.
I stood there, like I was in a trance. Was I supposed to do something? Was I supposed to walk back in there and demand we talk? Was I supposed to give her space? I didn’t know, but clearly there was a right answer. And fuck me, I didn’t know what it was.
To my absolute delight, you could still hear the sounds of Morgan being upset even downstairs. And even though her parents were luckily not home, Doug was. As soon as I walked downstairs, he turned away from his game to look at me. He said nothing. I said nothing. Muffled sounds from Morgan’s room punctuated the silence.
I stood there, staring at him for a while. I went from expecting him to say something to hoping he’d say something, but he never did. Frustratingly, I couldn’t read a single emotion on his face. A fresh yell-sob from Morgan’s room made me shudder and realize something bad was happening. It was clear my overthinking and question-asking wasn’t welcome here – it wouldn’t have been a bad idea to go on a walk or something. I walked towards the door and reached for the handle.
“Did you break up with her?”
I hesitated, looking straight at the door. “No.”
“You walk out that door and she breaks up with you. Guaranteed.”
I turned to look at him. He had an indignant look on his face, as if it all didn’t matter. “Have you been here before?”
“I dunno, have I?” he asked plainly. “Whatever it was, uh, it must have ended real poorly, huh?”
I looked to the ground. “Same stuff we talked about a bit ago,” I confessed.
“Told you she disliked it,” he simply said.
“It would have been nice if she told me she disliked it,” I shot back, resigning myself to the couch. “Does she do this often?”
“Nah. She, uh… bottles it up. Gotta go somewhere,” he explained as if this were natural. “It’s not often, but it’s there. She’ll calm down in a bit.”
“It breaks my heart to hear…” I trailed off, hearing a very muffled sound. At least they were getting quieter. “…That. Did I cause this?”
Doug gave me a weird look. “What, d’you think I bugged her room? I barely know what this is about.” He got up, going towards the kitchen. “You want a drink? I’m not just being polite this time. I really recommend it.”
“Being drunk when my girlfriend is distraught is going to help me?” I asked incredulously. “No, Doug. No.”
“Uh, yes, Doug, yes,” he countered.
“I’ll pass!” I nearly shouted, pissed off.
He made a show of shrugging, then walked off. I sulked on the couch, lowering my head and thinking. About Morgan, about Taylor… hell, about Lexi, Crystal, and Taylor. About Joel and Doug and Kev and Mother and even Bryce. My shirt was forever stretched by that guy.
It all culminated to now. What a world. I heard Doug return and fire up a game but I didn’t even raise my head. I just tuned the noises out, worried that Taylor hadn’t told me something vital again. Maybe she and Joel never broke up. Maybe she made a deal with Morgan. Maybe… I had no clue.
It must have been at least ten full minutes after the noises from her room stopped when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. I raised my head, seeing Morgan walk off towards the kitchen without even looking at me. I went to stand up, but felt Doug’s hand on my shoulder holding me down. I turned to him and he shook his head no.
I watched Morgan retrieve a bottle of something alcoholic from the kitchen and walk halfway up the stairs. She stopped and turned slowly to face me, tear marks down her face. “You can come to my room if you want,” she croaked, before disappearing.
I turned back to Doug, who had his eyes on the game. Sighing, I stood up, my feet feeling like they were made of clay, and walked back to Morgan’s room to see her on her bed, holding a bottle of vodka, mixing it in a red cup with something.
I looked around her room. I expected it to be trashed or something. “Your room is cleaner than it was when I left,” I observed. “I didn’t expect that.”
She shrugged, and I sat beside her. I started to loop my arm around her, then stopped. “Do you want my arm on your shoulder?”
“No,” she flatly replied. “Za zdorovie.” She downed whatever was in her cup. It probably wasn’t a good idea to continue this conversation drunk, but I was in no position to tell her what to do.
I sat in silence for a few more moments before I couldn’t resist opening my mouth. “Are we… not a couple anymore?”
“I dunno,” she emotionlessly said.
“…Can I ask if you care?” I gingerly asked.
She turned slowly to face me. “I wish I didn’t care,” she said. “If I didn’t care so fucking much, I wouldn’t feel like this.” She took another drink and looked in disgust at her cup. “Ahh, fuck me.” She turned back to me. “I want to not care. When I was single, I didn’t care. Boys were stupid. I mostly only heard about drama, never really being in it.”
I processed what she said. “It doesn’t have to be drama, I’ll just not talk to Taylor again.”
“Would you seriously never talk to Taylor again if I asked you to?” Morgan challenged me.
“Yes,” I replied immediately, never hesitating.
She only showed sadness at my response. “That’s not a good thing,” she simply said. “No, Quinn. Talk to Taylor. Fuck, kiss her. Have sex with her if you want to. I gave you permission. It’s only fair.”
I had to laugh at the absurdity. “Morgan, just retract the permission! Hell, I’ve openly told you a part of me wants you to! Clearly it led to something bad here. We can get through this, I just want to be with you.”
“I don’t caaARE!” Morgan yelled to the wall, then immediately retracted back into herself. The room was dead silent, apart from Cheesecake running across his cage. “This part of me sucks, I know.”
“It’s… new,” I managed. “I’m dealing with it though. Is this where all of your emotions go?”
“No. Most of the time I just barely express. Comes with the ‘not caring’ thing.” She poured more vodka into her cup, looked around for something to mix it with, then I guess couldn’t find anything. She shrugged, took a small drink, and shivered. “It’s nice, until it isn’t.”
“I don’t know if you’re mad at me,” I said point-blank.
“I don’t know if I am either,” she replied immediately.
“So then what are we doing here?” I asked her.
“I know I’m mad. And I know a lot of it is at myself.”
“But why? You didn’t do anything!” I protested.
At that, Morgan smiled. A big, smirky smile, too, like I just told a particularly clever joke. “Don’t make me talk about this right before this stuff hits me,” she said.
“Are you saying you did do something worth being mad at yourself for?” I asked. “We can work thro-”
“Shut up, okay? Just shut up. I’m mad at myself. No, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You’re getting more assertive than usual,” I mumbled.
“Assertive?”
“You’re getting bossier lately. You’re interrupting me more.”
“That’s actually probably part of being mad at myself,” she replied, almost to herself.
“But why? I was the one who – I mean, I thought I wasn’t, but I guess I went behind your back and did that.”
She looked at me for a bit. “I’ll work on the interrupting thing,” she said eventually. “Can you get a cup?”
I looked at her bottle. “Um, I-”
“Please, just – wait, shit, okay, interrupting.” It was clear the drinks were already taking an early effect. “Okay, say what you want.”
“I’d rather not.”
“Just trust me. If you still can. Get a cup, they’re over there.”
Hesitantly, I did what I was told, and she took the cup and carefully poured one or two drops into the cup. She handed it to me. “It won’t get you drunk,” she replied. “For me, try drinking it.”
“Why?”
“I can’t explain it before you do it.”
I paused, then brought the cup to my lips. Even with two drops inside, it smelled awful. Not really wanting to, I moved my head back and drank the two drops of vodka. They tasted like nothing and felt like pure fire in my mouth, and in my throat all the way down.
I retched, and looked back at Morgan to see her looking at me. “How was it?”
“I hated it. It burned.”
“Yeah,” she replied, nodding. “Some things just burn, Quinn.” Her eyes watered. “Some things just burn.”
“Huh?”
“Vodka doesn’t burn less the more you drink it,” she kept going. “Some people try to mask the taste, and other people just drink it despite how much it burns. And alcohol is, uh, it’s addictive, y’know. I kinda wonder sometimes if people addicted to it drink it despite the burning, or if, maybe, along the way, they get addicted to the burning itself too.”
“…What does this have to do with anything?” I asked. “I don’t get any of this.”
“Yeah, I’m kinda being deliberately mysterious here,” she replied calmly. “I know that if I tell you anything, you’ll ask more questions, and I’m not prepared to answer them.”
“So… something hurts, but you keep doing it,” I concluded. “Or, you’re an alcoholic, and this was your best way of telling me.”
Morgan dryly chuckled. “No. Well, I mean, maybe I am, but if I am, I don’t know it yet. Uh, yeah, first one. Yup.”
I could put two and two together. It crushed me knowing what she was getting at, but I guess I had to say it out loud. “Are you… cutting yourself?” I asked, feeling tears coming on.
Morgan looked at me with shock, then gave a kind of sad surprise-laugh which immediately evolved into a kiss. “No, oh my God, no, Quinn, no,” she immediately replied, holding my face in her hands. “No, I’m sorry.”
There was no better news on the planet. Despite my teary eyes, I smiled. “You kissed me,” I murmured.
Morgan smiled sadly at me, and I returned her smile. We sat in silence for a bit, before I spoke up. “We’re not breaking up, are we?”
“No,” she replied.
“So, you wish you didn’t care, because something hurts right now, but you can’t stop doing it,” I summarized. “And you don’t want to say what it is…” I paused. “…even though it sounds like a lot of stuff would be made easier if you said it.”
She started crying. Immediately, she set the bottle and cup down and put her face in her hands. I started rubbing her back, but I still hated this situation. “Morgan, are you terminally ill, do you have some kind of history with Taylor, what?! Please just tell me.”
She simply shook her head. I sighed. “Okay, new direction. Summarize how you feel about the whole situation in one sentence.”
Neither of us spoke for a while. Eventually, Morgan got the tears down enough so that she could speak. “I don’t get why you’re making this like English class,” she joked.
“I need something. This whole situation is making my head hurt. Give me some kind of takeaway, please.”
“I don’t want to lose you,” she said. “That’s my sentence. I deserve an A plus, I know.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Taylor will never replace you. No one will. I want you. I want only you. Morgan, I love you.”
When I said this, the tears only returned. I stared at her for a bit, not understanding at all what was going on. “Why are you so angry with me doing stuff with Taylor, but not Lexi?” I eventually asked. “What burns going down here?”
She looked at me. “Quinn, please don’t make me get into this when I’m tipsy,” she requested.
“Morgan, for the love of God, forbid me from having sex with your friends. Just make this a monogamous relationship.” She buried her head in her hands again. “If it’s going to make you like this, I just want something that can resolve this. Please! What about this is so hard?!”
“Why do you need me to tell you what to do?” she asked.
“Because as long as it’s allowed, I’ll be tempted, and it hurts you so I want to stop,” I replied earnestly.
“Isn’t that good enough for you to make the choice on your own?” she asked.
It should have seemed like the most obvious point in the world to make, and yet, it only clicked right then and there for me. Her saying it was okay meant jack shit if I could see how it was affecting her. Of course I didn’t need anything more.
“Okay,” I replied quietly. “But for the record, is what I did with Taylor today why you’re crying right now?”
Morgan hesitated. She didn’t say anything for the longest time. Finally, she raised her head… and, bafflingly, shook it no.
“…Is what I did with Taylor today why you got angry?”
“…It’s the thing that made me lose my cool, like, the straw that broke the camel’s back. I just wasn’t expecting it,” she answered.
“That’s not a yes or a no,” I observed.
“You’re correct, it’s not,” Morgan replied.
So what, it was just a coincidence that telling her about Taylor set her off?? “Are we ever going to have a discussion about this mystery burning thing?!” I asked exasperatedly.
“Hopefully,” she offered. “I want to. Just give me time, okay?”
“Okay. But in the meantime, I’m not going to do anything with any other girls. At all. Period.”
She didn’t seem to be affected by that. “If that’s what you want,” she offered.
Morgan was going to make me pull my hair out. Something was boiling over, and as usual, I was not allowed to know what for whatever reason.
“I just don’t want to lose you,” she repeated, leaning over and hugging me.
“I love you, Morgan,” I said softly.
“I know. I love you too,” she replied.
“This does need to either stop or come out, though. It’s clearly hurting our relationship in the meantime,” I gently reminded her.
“I know, I’m working up to it,” she replied. “Can you stay over tonight? We don’t have to have sex. I just want-”
“To be close to me?” I interrupted her. Internally, I smirked. Power move. “Yeah, I want to be close to you too.” We hugged, then slowly looked into each other’s eyes and kissed.
Morgan was a lot like me. She was an overthinker whose life was exponentially complicated with Taylor around. She didn’t like bullshit and had to keep her annoying brother at bay. But mostly, she claimed to hate drama yet was causing me a lot of drama headaches when the solution, from the outside, was as easy as just saying the right thing. But I still loved her. And if that meant having an argument about nothing… so be it. At least I now knew that I couldn’t sleep with other girls if we were to hope to be together. The next step was finding out what the hell got her so scared, the thing she thought could drive me away. The thing that burned going down.
Chapter Eighteen
Kevin ran his tongue over his teeth in thought, mulling over my offer. “Y’know,” he finally began, “This seems a bit invasive, and that’s me talking.”
I shrugged. “I want to know what’s going on.”
I had a revelation when I woke up that morning. Morgan was keeping something from me, and it was clearly something affecting us, and I happened to have the one person at my disposal who I could ask to find it out. I wanted to take control over the revelations in my life for a change, and as long as Kevin could be convinced, I had the means to do it.
“I mean… I can do what I can,” he replied slowly after a bit. A sly smile formed on his face. “Of course, that would mean I’d need my finger on the pulse again. Y’know, access to the local social scene and all.”
“I thought of that,” I replied. “There’s a party happening on the seventeenth…”
“The one at Jackson’s house? Well, that’s great and all, but we still got the itty bitty problem of them not letting me in,” Kevin rebutted.
“Taylor’s taking care of that,” I replied.
Kevin’s mouth hung open. “Taylor,” he replied in disbelief.
“Taylor,” I confirmed.
“Like, Taylor Wise.”
“You know any other Taylors?”
“Three, but whatever. So lemme get this straight,” he said in shock, shifting where he stood. “You want me to get some dirt on your girlfriend that she’s hiding from you, or maybe it’s dirt on you and you don’t know it, and to help me do this you convinced the hottest girl in school to get Jackson to get me on the guest list of what might be the last party of the summer?”
I gave him a weird look. “Where’s the camera?” I sarcastically asked. I looked at the dishwasher and gestured to Kevin. “Did you get all that?”
“I’m just clarifying, man. Like, I dunno whether to fucking kiss you or… uh, decline. Because, I dunno, the situation is a lil’ weird.”
“Then decline,” I replied, not budging. Kevin had been whining to me practically all summer about not having an in on the social circle. He clearly wanted any in he could get.
Eventually, he shrugged. “Well, I mean, it is what I do,” he eventually conceded. “But, two things. One, I may not find out whatever the heck is going on. Some things are private, and I can’t be blamed if the egg can’t be cracked.”
I nodded. “That’s reasonable.”
“Two, uh, keep in mind that you’re asking me to find out a secret here. Like, Quinn, this seems like…”
“A bad idea?”
“A hundred percent a bad idea,” he agreed. “Like, the genie can’t go back in the bottle. What if this hurts you, or it hurts her?”
“I came to you because even after a morning of arguing, she didn’t want to tell me,” I replied.
“Or maybe especially after a morning of arguing,” he noted.
“Yeah, I considered that,” I replied bitterly. “Even though she admitted it’s hurting me in the meantime.”
“Drama,” Kevin noted.
“There has to be another word for it,” I replied. “Like, drama is just petty nonsense. This is real, and it’s something, and it’s affecting us and affecting our future together. It feels like so much more than drama.”
Kevin thought to himself for a second, then snapped his fingers. “Oh, come to think of it, there is a word for that.”
“What is it?”
Kevin leaned in and his expression turned playful yet serious. “Drama,” he asserted.
“Whatever,” I waved him off, picking up Nuo and petting her. “Will you do it?”
“We already agreed I would, but just… think about what I said, you know?” he asked. “I’m gonna go and, uh, thank Taylor, I guess.”
“What, you have her number?” I asked.
He pulled out his phone and started texting one of his connections. He gave me a look and replied, “No,” as if it were obvious.
***
“He was actually kinda sweet about it,” Taylor begrudgingly admitted. “You still owe me big time though.”
“I wouldn’t need to invite Kevin if people in this group just talked to each other,” I grumbled, then composed myself. “But also, I meant it when I said he was crushed. He seemed way happier for the next, like, full hour I saw him.”
“If people just talked to each other?” she inquired.
“Yeah. The, uh, Morgan thing,” I clarified.
“Oh” she simply said, then took her head off of my shoulder. She didn’t say anything else.
“It could also really help if you even had, like, an idea what it is.”
“I really don’t, Quinn. I’m sorry,” she replied earnestly. “But, like, she’s allowed to have secrets too. Inviting Kevin is… like, I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”
I turned to look at her and she put her hands up. “Like, inviting Kevin so he can do his thing,” she clarified. “Especially since we hate it when he does that. It’ll just be Kevin being Kevin, and people will get mad.”
“So then why’d you invite him?” I challenged her.
“Like you said, he was crushed when the school year ended,” she answered simply with a shrug. “Plus, he talked to me better when I visited you. That was nice. Maybe he’s changed. But, like, the one party he’s coming to that I actually approved is just gonna be him doing more Kevin stuff.”
I sighed. “I know,” I admitted. “But… do you want Morgan and I to break up?”
“…Wouldn’t that be ‘Morgan and me?’” she asked.
“Huh?”
“Well, like, you take ‘Morgan and,’ out of it, and you just get, ‘would you want I to break up?’ It doesn’t make, like, sense. But then, if you do, ‘would you want me to break up?’ Y’know, it still doesn’t make sense, but like, it makes more sense.”
A smile crept up on my face. “Look at you,” I remarked with admiration.
“Yeah, I’m not just a dumb bimbo or something,” she teased with a smirk on her face.
I laughed and put my arm around her, and the two of us didn’t say anything more for a little bit. By the time we spoke again, I had forgotten the question about Morgan I had asked her.
***
“Hua!” I said with energy, striking a pose. “What do you think?”
Morgan giggled. “It looks great on you,” she said. “So that’s what you’re wearing?”
“What, don’t approve?” I joked, sitting down on the couch with her.
“You are such a boy,” she laughed. “What time did you want to leave?”
“Uh, maybe around six,” I answered. “Unless we’re doing the whole ‘fashionably late’ thing.”
“Most of my friends will,” she said with a shrug.
I snapped my fingers, pretending to remember. “Oh, hey, can Doug give Kevin a ride too?”
“Uh, probably,” Morgan replied, getting out her phone. “Where’s he going?”
“He’s coming too.”
Morgan slowly looked up from her phone. “What?”
“Kevin’s coming to the party too.”
“I… would rather if he didn’t,” she replied uneasily.
“I know, but he really wanted to come, and someone advocated for him, so Jackson put him on the list.”
“Jackson doesn’t have a list, he’s Jackson.”
“The metaphorical list, Morgan.”
“Who advocated for him, do you know?”
I didn’t want to lie or omit too much. “Uh, I think Taylor did, actually.”
“Taylor,” she replied in disbelief.
“Taylor,” I confirmed.
“Like, Taylor W-”
“Yes, Taylor Wise,” I replied impatiently. “They chatted when she came over and she appreciated some newfound effort he was putting in.”
“And are you going to pretend you didn’t do anything to push this?” Morgan asked.
She saw 50% right through me. I prayed she didn’t bump that up to a hundred. “It’s what families do,” I replied after a bit. “We help each other.”
“I suppose I can’t fault you for that,” she replied slowly.
“Just give him a chance,” I said insistingly.
“Giving him a chance doesn’t mean just pretending he never did anything annoying,” she retorted.
“You’re correct, it doesn’t,” I agreed. “It means giving him a chance to show he’s cutting back on the annoying.”
“Fine, just don’t expect me to be friendly with him,” she conceded.
“I appreciate how open-minded you’re being,” I replied warmly and went in for a kiss.
She accepted the kiss, but just looked at me after. “It feels like something is going on,” she told me.
“With Kevin?”
She stared at me for a bit. “Yeah. No. Never mind. I’m sorry. I’m being dumb.”
I smiled. “Are we overthinking?”
“I sure am,” she replied, leaning back on the couch. “Whatever. Kiss me again.”
“I thought you wanted me to make the first move,” I teased.
“Yeah, and this is me telling you to,” she replied flatly. “Unless you don’t feel like kissing me.”
I laughed and moved towards her, and she just turned away. “Nope, too late,” she replied with no emotion on her face but a playful tone. “I guess you shouldn’t have questioned it.”
“Aw, that’s no fair,” I said with a pout.
“What a shame,” she said with the same tone. My smile got bigger as I lunged at her, trying to grab her shoulders and at least plant a kiss on her cheek. I saw the slightest hint of a smile on her face as she brushed my face away and moved across the couch. Emboldened by her smile, I followed her, grabbing her a little more forcefully and muttering, “C’mere.”
“Toooo laaaate,” she practically sang with a steadfast expression, moving slightly away. I shook my head with a smile and lunged again at her, this time putting my body over hers, pinning her down as I leaned my head down and put a kiss on her lips. It was fast when I planted it, but when I pulled away, it was gentle.
“Looks like I win,” I said smugly.
“I guess so,” she said quietly, not moving. Neither of us moved for a bit. We just sat there, on her couch, with me on top of her, having just kissed. She didn’t move a muscle, and just looked into my eyes. Slowly, I moved a hand down and stroked her cheek, and, almost afraid of my own hand, slid it down her face and around her neck.
She slowly closed her eyes and exhaled, and I gave an experimental squeeze, letting go quickly after.
She let me play for a bit, then opened her eyes, giving a light moan as I squeezed again. “Gentle but long,” she told me. “The side is for blood, the front is for air.”
“What’s the difference?” I practically breathed.
“I think blood feels nicer. It makes me lightheaded. Air is only good for really short bursts, but also, be gentle.” I nodded and squeezed again, making it last longer. She tapped my hand and I released. “But too long either way will make me pass out. It would be funny but don’t do that.”
“Yeah,” I chuckled. “Funny.” I squeezed her neck again and watched her close her eyes. Her eyes were so beautiful, and I loved seeing them stare into mine, but there was something so innocent and pure about her closing her eyes and leaving her mouth slightly open, even with my hand on her neck.
My other hand stroked her cheek slightly, then gave her a quick slap across the face. At the same time, my hand released from her neck. The effect was instantaneous; she gave a light moan and I felt her body spasm from below me. She opened her eyes slowly and looked again into mine, with this kind of fear. Not an uncomfortable fear, like she wanted me to stop. A welcoming fear.
I was already rock hard at this point. Judging from the look on her face, I could bet that Morgan was wet too. I put my hand back to her cheek and, not breaking eye contact, she nuzzled her face into my hand. Beginning to smile, I pulled my hand back and slapped her across the face, hard. She moaned, relishing the pain, red beginning to spill across her cheek. She breathed heavily a few more times, and before I knew it my lips were on hers again.
We hadn’t kissed with this much passion since the movie theater. Her hands were roaming across my back and mine were in her hair, finding ways to be playfully rough with it. I began to grind myself against her and she immediately ground her pelvis into mine. I felt her hot cheek against mine, warm from my abuse. Our tongues played with each other, our bodies aching to be as close together as possible. We were lost in a sea of hormones, knowing that nothing could stop us from what our urges were begging for us to do.
A click from the front door broke us out of our trance and, at once, our mouths disconnected and our eyes shot open. In one awkward painful motion, I got off of Morgan and the two of us attempted to sit up on the couch, with our hands in our laps. We barely assumed the position by the time the door burst open and Doug marched in, clearly in a hurry. He was humming something to himself and was about to walk right past us, but stopped in his tracks.
“Not on the couch, guys,” he barked disappointedly.
“I’m sorry?” Morgan replied with a squinty, confused face.
“Don’t play dumb. I mean, hey, don’t get me wrong, I also like sitting on the couch with my boyfriend with the TV off, with my hair a mess, blushing like fuck and both of us sitting like this.” He over-exaggeratedly mimed sitting with his hands in his lap. “Not on the couch,” he repeated emphatically.
“Sorry,” I conceded, knowing we were caught.
“See, at least he’s honest,” Doug acknowledged, powerwalking into the kitchen to look for something. “Why can’t you be like that, Morgan?” his voice rang from the kitchen.
I shouldn’t have looked right at her when he asked that. When she looked back, her face saddened and she just looked away. “Can you drive one more person to the party tonight, Doug?” she asked, desperate to change the subject.
“No,” he flatly said. “I don’t want to drive over to any other places. Quinn’s lucky I’m even going to his place.”
“It’s my brother, he lives with me,” I added.
“Oh. Uh, sure then. Make sure he’s ready to leave when you are,” he ordered.
“Will do,” I replied.
“Cool, alright,” he replied, distracted, walking back to the front door. He stopped to point at us. “No making out on the couch. For fuck’s sake, go to your room or something.”
“Stop talking to me like that, Doug,” she replied quietly, having resumed her normal face.
“Stop being so fucking disappointing,” Doug shot back before walking out the door, slamming it behind him.
“That was harsh,” I commented sympathetically.
She didn’t say anything back for a bit. “We got a bit careless,” she commented lightly.
“Yeah. I assume…?”
She chuckled sadly. “Yeah, the moment’s gone,” she confirmed.
“Okay,” I replied, putting my arm around her and kissing her cheek, the same cheek I had been slapping minutes ago. She turned to me and gave me a small smile.
“Y’know, I love your smile,” I told her meaningfully.
“I smile less than a lot of people,” she replied.
“Yeah, but yours is more beautiful,” I said back, kissing her cheek again.
She smiled and looked down. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Yeah, well, tough. I want you just as much whether you deserve me or not,” I said. “So I guess you’re stuck with me until the day you break up with me.”
She turned to look at me, her smile fading. I nervously added, “Of course, that doesn’t have to be anytime soon, y’know, no pressure.”
To my relief, she laughed. “You are so on edge,” she commented, kissing my lips. “Relax.”
“Well I am, after all, what were your words again? ‘Such a boy?’” I teased.
She smiled again. “You are such a boy,” she murmured, kissing me again.
“Your boy,” I added.
“Only if I’m your girl,” she teased back.
“Thinking about that makes me happy,” I told her earnestly. We kissed again, and I felt her tongue brush across my lips. I broke off the kiss and gestured to the stairs. “Maybe we shouldn’t do that again on the couch,” I pointed out.
She shrugged and turned away. “But, uh, you can put your hand on my neck more if you want,” she said, trying to play it cool, never looking at me. “Like, whenever you want.”
“Yeah?” I asked with a cheeky grin.
I could only see the back of her head, but I saw her lower her head and shake it. “I can hear your smile right now,” she pointed out humorously. I hugged her from behind and kissed her neck, just happy to be around her. I hoped this would never go away.
***
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Doug dismissed as he drove. “There is a clear hierarchy in a school environment, especially in high school. If you want to pretend it doesn’t exist, good for you, but you’re living in a fantasy world.”
“No no no, that’s not what I’m saying,” Kevin clarified. He opted to sit in the front seat while Morgan and I took the back. “What I’m saying is that it isn’t as black-and-white as it used to be. Yeah, sure, of course there’s a hierarchy, but you gotta look at the bigger picture. Cliques blend together. People aren’t just jocks or nerds, this ain’t the fifties. You can have a guy even be a jock and a nerd, especially at Hazelwood.”
Morgan and I just looked at each other. I couldn’t tell if this was exactly what I was expecting, or the exact opposite. The two continued to have their heated debate at the front of the car whereas Morgan and I hadn’t said a word to each other since the car took off from my place. I stole a look at Kevin and saw a big ol’ smile on his face – he was loving this. He was in his element. I looked at Doug to see the normal dismissiveness in his eyes replaced with some kind of new feeling – challenge? Interest? Comradery? I wasn’t sure. All I knew was that if it took Kevin mere seconds to win over Doug’s full attention, I felt completely reassured in what he’d be able to accomplish at the party.
***
Lexi took the news weirdly well. Especially since I was telling her at a party, the birthplace of all needless drama, I thought that the news would make her storm off. But instead…
“Yeah, I get it,” she replied, shrugging. The music pounded in my ears and people were practically surrounding us, but despite that, it felt like we were the only ones in the room. “Like, I hate it, but also, I dunno, you know what’s best for you and Morgan.”
“Huh,” I found myself saying out loud. “I thought you’d be more upset.”
“I’m tipsy,” Lexi simply answered. “I’m gonna have a good time tonight anyways. It’s like you say, right? There’s always more guys.”
I chuckled. “That’s one way to look at it, yeah,” I admitted.
She surveyed the room. “What do you think?” she asked.
“I’m not the guy to ask. My brother is here, maybe-”
“Absolutely not,” she interrupted.
“Let me finish,” I ordered. “My brother is here, maybe he has a better idea of who’s single and easy. You can’t deny, he knows everyone.”
“That’s not a bad idea, but isn’t it weird to go up to some guy and ask him who’s easy?”
“I’m some guy, and you asked me,” I pointed out.
“We’re friends, it’s different,” she protested. “Besides, we’ve had sex before.”
I looked around me to make sure no one had heard her, which caused her to laugh. “What, are you worried your reputation is gonna tank if the word gets out?”
“Just sick of drama,” I answered flatly.
“Then stop causing it,” she joked again. “But, like, seriously, congrats on knowing what you want and stuff. It’s a shame we only got to do stuff a few times, but yeah, I get it. And maybe someday…”
I shrugged. “I think saying ‘maybe someday’ like this got me where I am,” I told her. “But this doesn’t change anything between us. You free Friday? We could watch a movie or something.”
“Yeah, that sounds good,” she said as warmly as possible with music and yelling going on around us. “I’m gonna go mingle. I’ll see you later?”
“See you later,” I confirmed, waving her off. I was smiling. It was comforting to have both closure and a Lexi, of all people, who wasn’t stirring up shit. It was also nice to know she wanted to hang out with me after I made it abundantly clear that anything sexual between us was ending. She genuinely surprised me. Maybe a part of me even wanted to see her be a bit more upset that something we both enjoyed so much was coming to a close so early, but I knew that if I thought about that, I’d drive myself mad.
I found a quieter, less packed part of the party and surveyed the room, trying to find someone I knew to talk to (talking to new people brought me nothing but trouble at parties, as I came to accept) and saw Kevin in some other room. I couldn’t help chuckling and shaking my head – I didn’t expect him to only come to this party to help me, but it was so clear he took the first opportunity possible to corner some girl and talk her ear off. Still, I couldn’t help but feel happy for him. Instead of doing his normal thing where he kind of asserted dominance by leaning into the conversation, he was actually leaning back, and the girl was clearly actually interested in him. I had to wonder if my talk helped, or if this was just an ability Kevin always had to some extent. Either way, it didn’t matter.
Because Kevin always knew everything, mid-conversation he turned his gaze to me. I saw him say something to the girl and could read his lips to make out, “and that’s Quinn over there.” The girl peppily waved to me and I waved hesitantly back, then the two continued to talk.
“Poor girl,” I heard Morgan joke behind me. I turned around to hug her and slip my arm around her, and the two of us watched Kevin for a bit longer.
“She actually seems to like him,” I remarked. “Do you know her?”
“I think her name is Maddie or Marley or Melody or something. Something beginning with an M,” she replied. “I’m amazed he came to the party at all. Apparently after we went in, he spent like an extra five minutes debating stuff with Doug.”
“I didn’t think those two out of everyone would hit it off,” I noted.
“I dunno if they did,” she replied. “Doug will debate anyone who disagrees with him. Those two in a room together is just an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object.”
“Is that Han Fei?” I asked, still looking at Kevin.
Morgan snickered. “It’s the Joker from the Dark Knight, babe,” she replied.
“Oh,” I simply said. I didn’t know movies.
I felt a drunken head hit my lower chest and a pair of arms looping around me from the other side. “Mission failed,” I heard Lexi’s tipsy voice declare. “I couldn’t find a guy. Wait, why the fuck is Kevin here?”
“I heard Taylor invited him,” Morgan replied.
“I mean, I just told Jackson he was getting a bit nicer,” Taylor’s voice replied defensively. Confused, I turned around to see the whole gang – Taylor, Milo, and Crystal – had shown up. Milo had his arm on some girl’s waist. I didn’t recognize her. “If he’s here, it’s because Jackson said so.”
“How fucking nuts is it that Jackson of all guys is hosting this?” Crystal asked, clearly more drunk than the others. “Like, he looks like a total fuckin’-”
“Theater kid, we know,” Morgan dismissively replied. “That’s what Student Council does to a guy. I mean, he is gonna be President next year.”
“How’d he even get elected? I didn’t vote for him,” Crystal replied.
“I did, he seems sweet,” Taylor said. “Who was he running against again?”
The group talked and talked about Jackson while I had Morgan leaning against one side and Lexi clinging for dear life to my other. I watched on as Kevin changed his posture and gave the girl a sweet kiss on the cheek. She giggled in response, clearly pleased. He asked her a question and she eagerly nodded. The two of them wandered off.
“Oh, fuck you,” Lexi angrily murmured beside me, also watching Kevin. “Even he gets some and I can’t.”
I caught Taylor’s eye and we exchanged looks. I hoped he didn’t completely forget about me in his quest to secure some girl. I looked beside Taylor and saw that Milo and his girlfriend were showing quite a bit of PDA.
Lexi noticed as well and lightly shoved Milo, or at least, attempted to. Milo barely moved, and finished the kiss before looking at Lexi with a less-than-thrilled expression. “Yeah, okay, we need to talk,” he told Lexi. He quickly handed me his beer can. “Hold this.” He then grabbed Lexi’s hand and dragged her into another room, with his girlfriend or whoever awkwardly walking after him.
Holding an unopened beer, I turned back to Morgan and Taylor, awkwardly looking at the scene that unfolded. It seemed Crystal wandered off. Taylor noticed the beer was unopened, then grinned at me and suavely snatched the beer out of my hand. “Have fun, you two,” she said, opening the beer and wandering off.
I turned to Morgan and she shrugged. “Did you want something to drink too?” she asked.
I gave her a look. “Um…”
“Water, brain genius. But I’m definitely having a beer.” She looked around her. “Do you know where the kitchen’s at?”
“I think Taylor’s been here before, I can ask her,” I replied, before rushing off to chase after Taylor. I moved through the crowd, trying to find her, and managed to see her walking off in some direction.
“Hey, Taylor!” I yelled when I got close enough. “Morgan w- Morgan wants to know-”
She turned around to face me, and behind her, I saw a person turn to look at us. Joel. As soon as he registered it was us, he stood there, unmoving. He didn’t stop looking at us, he didn’t move, and he didn’t bother doing anything else. He just stared.
She took a few steps to face me. “What is it?”
“I…” I was tongue-tied. Joel unabashedly stared at me, his eyebrows slightly lowered. I tried my hardest not to look at him, which just meant staring at Taylor’s eyes like a dummy.
“You what?” she asked impatiently. “Are you okay?”
I lowered my voice. “Don’t look behind you. Joel is down the hall.”
Taylor’s look only got more confused. “…Okay, so?”
“He’s staring at me.”
“Yeah, you’re talking to me and he knows our history. I’d stare too, Quinn.”
“Don’t you want him to, like, stop?”
“I mean, he can do what he wants,” she said with a shrug. “Don’t make such a big deal over it. People will always stare at you, or talk shit on you, or whatever. That’s a thing you can’t avoid.”
“So what do you do about it?” I asked.
“You can start with this.” She turned around and locked eyes with Joel. I couldn’t see her face, but I presume she gave him a polite smile. He gave one back, and then turned and walked away. She turned back to me and shrugged. “See? Didn’t take a year off of my life to do that.”
“Yeah, but, you’re used to this stuff. You’re popular, Taylor. I’m just a shy nerd. You can’t expect me to just adapt to your ways.”
She slowly shook her head. “No you’re not,” she began. “You have to stop lying to yourself and accept that you’ve changed. It’s not a bad thing, but, like, you’re popular now too. You sure as fuck aren’t shy anymore. You couldn’t even talk to me when we met. This is your lifestyle too, but you’re, like, too proud or too traditional or whatever to believe it’s you.”
“I’m not nearly as well-liked as you though!” I protested. “I’m not popular. I don’t have guys fawning over me like you do.”
She laughed. “Yeah, it comes with the boobs,” she joked. “Nah, Quinn, popularity doesn’t mean everybody likes you. It means everybody knows who you are. You can be popular and hated. You can be popular and shy. Just quit… lying to yourself about not being like me. You are like me now. You go to parties, you have a girlfriend who’s popular-”
“Though not as popular as you,” I replied.
“Don’t let her forget it,” Taylor joked with a grin. “So just like, own it. Stare back at people. Don’t be a jerk obviously, but… c’mon. You got the jacket and everything. We worked hard to teach you not to let people walk all over you. You gotta put in the final steps yourself.”
“You talk like you never needed tutoring,” I admitted with a smile. The rest of the crowds around us were fading away.
“Smart isn’t a one-way street, Quinn,” she replied. “Dealing with people is a lot like math. Once you solve enough problems, you just get good at it. And if you wanna see it that way…” She took a few steps towards me. Her look shifted. It no longer was a conversation between friends. I didn’t know whether she was flirting with me, or if she was looking at me the way a predator looks at its prey. “I’m pretty smart, aren’t I?”
There wasn’t a lot of space between us now. The reality of the crowds around us began to fade back in, and yet, at the same time, I felt my heart beating in my ears, and my dick swelling in my pants. “I, uh…” I stumbled.
“See, that. You’re doubting yourself. Stop,” she lightly ordered. I saw the same look in her eyes as when we were in her basement, and she was ordering me to crawl. Only now, she saw I was crawling and wanted me to learn to walk.
“I can’t,” I replied.
“Why not?”
My throat was dry. “Because if I listened to my instincts I’d be kissing you right now. I told Morgan I’d stop. Plus, even if I didn’t, kissing you at a party would make things hell for both you and her.” I breathed heavily.
Taylor stepped back, and yet, she smiled. “See, that’s your instinct, Quinn,” she replied. “Kissing me was your temptation. Knowing what to do was your instinct. You basically just stared back at Joel. Congrats on being faithful to her.”
“…What, so this was a test?” I asked. “Did she make you do this?”
She smiled. “Ha, no,” she murmured. “I probably would have kissed you back, but I think you know that. Confidence is sexy, Quinn. Maybe you should go show Morgan that.” She looked around and saw nobody was looking at us, and leaned into me. “And maybe after, you can tell me what you did to her,” she breathed in my ear.
I shivered. My dick throbbed. “You’d want to hear about your own friend’s sexual escapades?”
“Fucking ‘escapades,’” Taylor chuckled. “Leave her name out. But I’m suuuch a gossip Quinn, and I wanna hear about everything you want to do. Think about it.” She lightly trailed her hand along my pants, and I shivered again. Her look had gained a kind of hunger to it, but also a smugness, as if she knew she had me. And she did. “I’m gonna talk to her about this little sharing problem of ours someday too. You’re not the only one involved in this. Go see her.”
I remained still as she walked away, no doubt a grin on her cute little chipmunk face. For the first time, possibly ever, it dawned on me that whatever my relationship with her was, it probably wasn’t going to just end after I went to university.
I started to walk back towards where I left Morgan when I heard an “ooooh” echo from the room she was in. I knew that an “ooooh” of that magnitude meant that there was some kind of public fight or drama or something, and was worried that I was going to walk back to see some couple catfighting or something.
I increased my speed, jogging back, just in time to see a guy walking past me. His face was soaked; his hair matted to his face. He had a strong build, but was looking pretty defeated. Nearly all of the eyes in the room were on him, including mine.
I turned from him to Morgan, who had a near-empty beer can grasped in both hands and a circle of people formed around her. She turned to me with a blank yet attentive expression. “You took too long, I already found a beer,” she joked.
“Wait, what happened?” I asked.
She pulled the can back, shrugging. “Some guy got too close, so I warned him, then warned him again,” she replied.
“You fuckin’ sprayed Arin!” one of the onlookers jeered.
“Yes, that was the second warning,” she replied coolly.
“That was the warning?” the same guy obnoxiously asked.
“Yes,” she replied.
“What the fuck happens after that?” he asked.
She shrugged. “No boy has tried it and lived,” she replied again, still cool but starting to blush. “And I’d prefer it be kept that way. Out of my way, please.” She shoved a few guys out of her path and made off towards the front of the house, with me obviously following close behind her.
Eventually, she left out the front door and shut the door behind her, but I persisted, opening it and re-shutting it after me. Morgan was leaning against the wall, and some other girl was out there smoking.
It was clear Morgan was stressed, so I tried opening with a joke. “If you were going to do that to any guy there, I’m kinda surprised it wasn’t Kevin.”
Surprisingly, it hit. Morgan instantly smiled and started to giggle. “I love you,” she replied warmly, getting up from the wall and giving me a hug.
“Hey, I… love you too,” I awkwardly told her. “Was that guy getting on your nerves?”
“Yeah,” she simply replied.
“Arin,” I said out loud. “He’s your ex, right? Or, your ‘ex?’” I said, using air-quotes, mimicking her wording.
“Your memory is really good,” she commented. “Yeah.”
“There’s obviously history there,” I noted.
“He knows enough about me to push me around, but not enough to know I don’t like it,” she remarked, not letting go of me. “This was a long time coming. Sorry if I just added fresh drama or anything.”
“Hey, it was your turn to add some anyway, I don’t get to throw stones here,” I joked. “Did he… touch you?”
“No, but he probably would’ve,” she admitted. “I probably shouldn’t have led him on or something.”
“…You’re blaming yourself because Arin was going to touch you when you didn’t want it?” I asked.
She smiled sadly. “Not every guy is going to be as considerate as you, Quinn,” she muttered.
“Sounds like a problem they need to fix, not you,” I said defiantly. “Besides, who cares if you talk to him or you danced with him at the Love party? It doesn’t mean anything.”
She turned pink and lowered her head. “You, uh, have a really good memory,” she muttered.
A beat of silence passed between us, and I thought about a lot of the past few months. “Did you two do anything?”
“Huh?”
“Like, since you and I got together. Did you and he do anything?”
Her expression lost its humor, quickly. “No, why?”
“I was just wondering if that was the thing.”
“The thing?”
“The thing that burns going down.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” she asked.
“You know, the… you know what, never mind.”
“Okay.”
We stood there together for a bit, before I spoke up again. “The thing that we talked about last time I slept over. You were mad about something.”
“Yeah,” she said quietly. “I’m definitely not ready to talk about it at a party.”
“We’re outside the party now,” I replied with a cheeky smile, but she didn’t return the smile. “Yeah, sorry.” I put my arm around her waist and she turned to face me. Before long we were kissing again, emboldened by the fact there wasn’t a crowd of people around us. I held her body close and felt our hips touch as the kisses became more long and passionate.
Morgan moaned into the kiss and I could feel my sense of self-control loosening. I was still hard and throbbing, and damn near exploding from Taylor’s earlier teasing. I felt my hand snake up Morgan’s front and close around her neck, which made her shudder. I felt every fiber of her being aching to get closer to me. Just as she ran her tongue over my bottom lip, I gently broke away and looked at the stoner chick, who was pretty obviously looking away from us deliberately.
“We should probably hold off,” I noted.
“How many times today is this going to happen?” Morgan asked with a slight chuckle.
“After the party,” I promised. “Your place?”
Morgan’s face broke out into a slow smile. “Okay,” she replied quietly, before beginning to kiss me again.
***
Doug was not thrilled with having to drive to my place even though I was not getting out, but at least he had time to talk to his new best friend on the way there. Kevin was elated; knowing him I was guessing he got to have a fun time with that girl he was with, but from the conversations I overheard, it sounded like he got to talk to every single person at that party but me.
Morgan, ever the observant one, noted that since both people were distracted by each other in the front, she could get away with more than usual in the back seat. Locking our lips would be too noticeable, but she could get away with slowly stroking her hand up and down my leg, which I gladly did to her right back. Eventually, she stopped stroking and just focused on what I was doing to her, and leaned her head on my shoulder. I was all too happy to keep on stroking her leg, and eventually, got a little bolder with how far my hand went.
When she first felt my hand going further up her leg, she opened her eyes and showed me the true desperation on her face. She kissed me quickly, and leaned her head back again on my shoulder. I started stroking her leg further and further up her thigh, eventually starting to make my way between her thighs. She responded by opening them slightly and giving little quiet moans. The kind that only I, with my ear inches from her mouth, could hear. The front seat duo wouldn’t have been able to hear, even if they had stopped arguing and debating with one another, which of course, they didn’t.
It was crazy to think that I was openly stroking Morgan’s pussy above her clothes in full view of both of our brothers and that if they just looked at us, we’d be caught. But, to my knowledge, we got away with it the entire way back to my place.
***
“Thanks for driving us,” Morgan quickly told Doug as we hopped out of his car. “We’ll be in my room.”
“Okay,” Doug simply said, watching her leave. I nearly followed her, but hesitated, looking at Doug. He caught my gaze and asked, “What?”
“Is something wrong?” I asked in response. “You seem upset. If I can ask.”
He looked at me. “Nah,” he said. “Just tired.”
I didn’t respond, and just awkwardly nodded before heading after Morgan. She was fairly tipsy, and if I knew her enough…
I burst into her room and sure enough, upon seeing me entering, she reached below her bed. “One shot, that’s all,” she assured me. “Then I’m cutting myself off.”
I didn’t even mind her drinking, but it was sweet of her to phrase it like that. “I trust you,” I reassured her. I still felt like an alien around drinking, but I didn’t want her to feel bad for something she already enjoyed doing before me. She could handle herself, and that was good enough for me.
“Za zdrovie,” I told her as she poured her shot. She grinned at me in response, before downing it, handing me the bottle. I put the cap back on and put it back below the bed.
“Agh,” she winced, shuddering. “Alright, alright, I’m good.”
I looked at her and she gave me a reserved little smile. “You’re looking at me,” she murmured.
“You’re not emptying a beer in my face,” I replied as a joke.
“Ugh, don’t ruin the moment,” she commanded. I smiled as she got up and sat on top of me, wrapping her legs around my back. One of my favorite things about this position was that we had to be close to each other or else Morgan would fall off, so we made the most of it.
Like lovestruck teenagers, we picked up right where we’d left off the hour prior, not even bothering to start off subtle. Within one or two kisses, she was running her tongue along my lips, and within six or seven, our mouths were fully open and clumsily running up and down each others’ faces. There was something so pure about wanting to kiss each other so badly that we didn’t even care if we were doing it right anymore. We just wanted each other so badly that our brains were just on autopilot.
My hands stroked and gripped her back, keeping her close. Her breasts were the biggest obstacle between us, but of course, I wasn’t complaining when they were mashed against my chest. And I sure wasn’t complaining when Morgan broke the kiss, leaned back a little, and started to take off her shirt and bra.
As soon as the bra came off, I was on her. I was gentle before, but I sure didn’t feel like being gentle today. I started a little too eagerly, but after a few ‘aah’s of warning from Morgan, found a nice happy medium, and soon was leaving marks on her big boobs while she cooed and moaned softly. Her nipples were standing firm and erect, letting me know just how much she enjoyed my oral attention.
Clearly my oral attention wasn’t enough though. A little too quickly after I started to worship her boobs, she quickly stood up. “Take your fucking clothes off,” she breathed, as she rapidly did the same with her pants. I chuckled, opting to stay on the bed, ditching my shirt and my pants.
As soon as both of us were naked, we got up and kissed each other. It was becoming a little ritual of ours, and this time, it definitely felt less tender and more animalistic. Before long, she was against the wall, pinned by her wrists. We were kissing each other passionately, with me grinding my throbbing dick against her wet pussy. We had both wanted this all day, and the promise of release was killing us.
As I ground against her, my dick started to move against her pussy lips, which were so wet that my dick was effortlessly sliding in and around her lips. She broke the kiss and moaned as I, unable to contain my passion, immediately attacked her neck with my mouth. I was so far gone that I wanted my mouth on something, anything.
Morgan never stopped being hot to the touch when we were like this. I loved it. It made her that much more sexy. I loved the feeling of her hot skin on my tongue, and against my dick. I began angling myself to see if I could fuck her like this, right here against the wall, and finally, my dick slipped inside.
Morgan moaned, but then her eyes shot open. “Condom,” she reminded me, taking me back out of her.
“Oh fuck, right,” I mumbled. I ran back to my pants, scrambling to put it on. Once it was on, Morgan had moved from the wall to the bed.
She shrugged, her legs open, her pussy on full display. “I thought this would be more comfortable,” she offered.
Her juices were practically running out of her pussy. I could visibly see her body shaking with desire for me, and I’d bet I wasn’t faring much better. I wasted no time in getting back on her, lining myself up with my object of desire, and doing what both of us agreed I should have done at least twice today; I started fucking Morgan Jones, my girlfriend, my love.
As soon as she felt me inside her, Morgan gave a high-pitched sex moan, contrasting her normal stoic self. I couldn’t help it; I snaked my hand up her body again, this time appreciating every curve of her naked body, and eventually landed my hand upon her throat. I squeezed at the sides; blood, not air. I started to move my hips and pump myself in and out of her, feeling every response her body gave me.
“F…f… fuuuuck…” she moaned, clearly loving the hand on her throat. With my other hand, I wound back and slapped her clean across the face, making her moan loudly with no regard for who could hear her. “Again, a-again…” she begged. I wound back and slapped her again, and then once more, and then once more. We were getting into a rhythm, and Morgan was abandoning herself to her urges, moaning like a dumb slut with nearly crossed eyes and her tongue practically out of her mouth. It was sexy, funny, and cute, all at the same time. That was my girl.
“Flip over,” I breathed, easily myself out of her. She nodded and started to assume the position, and I hesitated. “Wait,” I added, pointing to her desk. “Bent over it.”
Morgan gave me a challenging smile, the first real conscious emotion I’d sen on her face since I first entered her, and she diligently got up and bent over her desk. With no shame, she grabbed her cheeks and spread them, looking back at me. “Like this?” she teased.
“W-wow…” I breathed, completely outdone by her. She’d eagerly accepted what I thought would be a left-field suggestion, and was now eagerly spreading her ass and pussy for me. This girl was incredible. Walking without realizing I was, I took my dick in my hands, eager to get back inside her again. I wanted to take her against every piece of furniture she had in here. I was going to take her against all of her furniture, all of the walls, every position… I never wanted to stop.
I gripped her shoulders at first, though before long, I’d realized I was grabbing her hair with one hand and her hips with the other. My hips were starting to get sore from the sheer power of my thrusting. I wanted to give Morgan the ride of her life. I wanted to please her, and make her scream every day.
And scream she did. Her sexual tension was clearly driven to a boil, and the only time she stopped moaning at a normally-alarming volume was when I’d figured out I could get a hand around her neck from behind, which I experimented with eagerly. With my free hand, I began spanking her, and eventually left my hand off of her throat so she could speak.
“What do you say?” I asked her after a spank.
She was silent for the next two spanks. Immediately after the second one, she moaned uncontrollably. “Thank you, Master.”
“That’s my good girl,” I told her with force, giving her another spank then redoubling my efforts on thrusting in and out of her.
“Oh God, oh fuck…” she moaned, letting her head hang. Quickly, I grabbed her hair, forcing her head back up.
“What are you, Morgan?” I asked.
“Your slut,” she moaned, really into this.
“Whose slut?” I asked her.
“Yours, Quinn…” she moaned. “Fuck, fuck, I’m your slut, Quinn. I’m your stupid slutty little bitch girlfriend.”
I raised my eyebrows. She certainly was into it. “That’s my good girl,” I groaned, never stopping my assault on her pussy, and always finding something new to smack, hit, choke, pull, or otherwise torture.
Morgan loved every second of it. I had never heard her moan as much as she did now. It helped that halfway through the experience, the vodka clearly took effect, and she was slurring, ragdolling, and even drooling a bit more. I had to admit, it was hot as fuck.
The more drunk she got, the more submissive and vocal she got. “Yes, fuck, fuck me harder, harder, fuck yes Quinn, I love you so fucking much…” she babbled before my hand found its way around her throat again. She hummed her approval and even squeaked a few times in pure pleasure. I marveled at her and marveled at my own stamina, noting how much longer I was lasting.
But I couldn’t last forever. “Fuck… soon…” I managed to grunt. How did movies and porn stories make it look so easy to warn a girl beforehand? I had seconds, maximum.
“Yes yes yes,” Morgan begged. “Shoot it in me, Master. Fill my pussy with your fucking cum. Fuck yes, give it to me.”
I saw stars as I thrust one last time into Morgan’s willing hole, my entire body shaking. I could feel the condom filling with spurt after spurt of my seed – probably more than I had ever shot in my life. Morgan was moaning too, despite the condom between us. As soon as I had regained the strength to pull out of her, still not fully recovered, Morgan whipped around and tackled me, pinning me to the bed and kissing all over my face over and over.
“I love, you, I love you, I fucking love you,” she moaned tipsily between kisses. “Holy fuck. You’re amazing. I’m so happy. Please sleep with me tonight?”
I laughed. “Yeah-” I began, interrupted by a kiss. “-Of course I will. I – love you too.” She was peppering me with kisses, and I could barely keep up. Her whole body was shaking and what little she was doing to prop herself up eventually gave way, and she ended up collapsing her full weight onto me.
Once we’d adjusted so that she wasn’t crushing my windpipe (which wasn’t sexy, she deserved mad props for dealing with that during sex), we cuddled for a while before I realized she was lightly snoring on top of me. I stopped stroking her hair and realized I needed to find a way to get us both to bed. I shifted a little and luckily, Morgan stirred just enough to realize what was happening. Sleepily, she gradually got herself from on top of me into the bed, with me quickly following. She sleepily gave me a kiss goodnight and then turned away – she liked being the little spoon. She was out like a light before I even crawled into bed though.
That worked for me, since I still had a few things to do before bed: people to contact. Whipping out my phone, I texted Kevin, asking if he enjoyed the party and if he managed to find anything out. I looked from the phone to Morgan and smiled – it sucked that something was making her hurt, but god damn, did I ever enjoy nights like this. I’d hoped that whatever it was that Kevin found out, it was only going to strengthen the bond Morgan and I had in the long run. I loved her so much.
Looking back at my phone, I closed out of the conversation with Kevin, and saw another name on the list. Taylor. I slowly smiled to myself. I had promised her, hadn’t I? Making my way back into bed, I pulled up the conversation and texted Taylor.
I have a lot to tell you.
I smirked, knowing that when she woke up, she’d have one hell of a story to read. I bit my lip, realizing she was probably going to ‘do something’ about what I told her. It began with me masturbating to her pictures, and now, the tables had turned. It was hot.
As I began to text – sext – the details to Taylor, she unexpectedly replied.
Im still awake, tell me everything
I shuddered. Despite just having the hottest sex of my life, I had a feeling I was going to be masturbating again before the end of the night. If Taylor wanted the whole thing, she’d get the whole thing. I was going to make the two hottest girls in school cum in the same night, even if one was only digitally. Taylor was right, I really had evolved, and I fucking loved it.
Chapter Nineteen
The morning sunlight poured in through the window. The room was silent, apart from Cheesecake running around in his cage. Next to me, Morgan soundly slept, hogging all of the sheets as usual. I exhaled sharply, looking at the ceiling, and grabbed my phone, rereading the last few messages Taylor sent me.
I think im going to go to bed, but this was amazing. Goodnight
Seriously, I dont think i ever came that hard in my entire life
I looked from the screen back to Morgan and exhaled again. I looked back to my message history with Kevin, and saw he hadn’t responded yet. He definitely was already awake if I knew him. He’d definitely already seen my message. I shifted my mouth around in thought.
I sat in silence until Morgan stirred, draping herself over me, sleepily cuddling up to me.
“G’mornin,’” she practically slurred. “Wha’ time is it?”
“Uh…” I looked at my phone again. “Almost ten.”
“Jeez, I’m getting lazy,” she mumbled, slumping back off of me. “Did you enjoy the party?”
I smiled at her. “I enjoyed what we did afterwards more.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” she joked, playfully shoving me. “I enjoyed it too,” she sleepily added.
We lay there for a bit longer until she silently decided it was time to start the day. With no shame, she got up out of bed, fully naked, and stretched in front of me. I stared at her breasts with no shame, which caused her to lightly chuckle and grab them for me, playing with them a bit. After a chuckle, she grabbed a bra and some underwear, then went off to brush her teeth.
“You good?” she tossed behind her as she walked off. She knew my signs at this point.
“Yeah, just a lot on my mind,” I replied. I went back to my phone, unsure whose message log I was more bothered by – Taylor’s or Kevin’s.
***
“Welcome home,” Mother said casually as I walked through the front door. “How is Morgan?”
“She’s good, Mother,” I replied. “We went to the same party Kevin went to last night.”
“Ah yes, the big party,” Mother said with a nod. She smiled and looked at me. “Kevin told me he met the ‘love of his life’ there last night.”
I smiled back. “And what do you think?”
“Oh, he is going to meet a new girl next week and say that about her,” Mother laughed, putzing around the kitchen. Jokingly, she added, “This is your fault Quinn! You got him into parties!”
I chuckled. “I created a monster,” I added, before walking off towards my room. I tested the doorknob – Kevin locked it when he wanted privacy, since I was in the house less now – and opened the door. Nuo rushed out to greet me, but Kevin was just at the computer, browsing the internet.
“Yo,” he said, greeting me with his hand.
“Hey,” I replied casually, putting my stuff down on my bed. “You get my text?”
“Uh, the door,” he said with a motion. I closed it and he rolled his chair back, getting out his phone. “Nah, I was, uh, kinda busy for the last little bit. A lot on my mind, you know.”
“Oh, sorry,” I awkwardly replied. “It was just about the whole Morgan thing, like, if you found anything out at the party.”
“If I found anything out at the party?” he asked casually. “Uh, no. Nothing doing.”
“Oh,” I simply replied. “Did you, like, ask around, or…”
He opened his mouth then closed it again. “Uh, yeah, I asked a few people,” he offered quietly.
“I feel like you’re not giving me the whole story,” I replied.
“Well, that would probably be because I’m not,” he simply said.
“…And why is that?” I asked.
“Well…” he began, spinning his chair around once or twice. “Remember how I said that this could be a whole thing?”
“Yeah…” I slowly said.
“It seems like a whole thing,” he quickly concluded.
“So, what, you lied to me about it?” I asked.
“No, I never lied,” he insisted.
“You said you didn’t find out about Morgan.”
“You asked if I found anything out at the party,” he clarified. “And I wasn’t at the party when I found out.”
“What, was it next-day stuff?” I asked. “Did you need to follow up?”
Kevin sighed. “No, it was before,” he replied.
I started pacing around. “Wha- so what, you wanted me to get you into the party anyway, and you planned on lying to me based on the wording of my question, you snake?” I spat out.
“Hey now,” he said soothingly yet authoritatively. “Stop that. No, I mean as in I got the info from Doug.”
I stopped pacing and just stared at him, waiting for him to continue.
“Her brother.”
“I know who he is,” I impatiently cut in. “You got it from him?”
He nodded, then flashed a quick smile. “I’m so good I got the info before I even set foot at the party,” he joked.
I shifted in place. “So, he knew whatever it was the whole time or something?”
“I dunno if it was the whole time,” he replied. “It kind of ruins the covert op if I ask too many questions like that. It comes right back to you.”
“But if it’s a ‘whole thing’ and he knew about it, why did he never tell me?”
“I don’t know for sure, but if I had to guess, I think he just likes you, man,” Kevin said simply.
I stared at him for a few more seconds before shaking my head. “Just tell me what it is.”
“I’m trying to work up to that,” Kevin admitted. He breathed in and out a few times. “I just don’t want to see you hurt. Y’know.”
“I’m an overthinker,” I told him. “Every second you tell me something is happening and don’t tell me what, my mind will keep thinking up the worst-case scenario for what it could be and convincing myself it’s that. Telling me would be a relief.”
He cracked a smile. “Wow, then Morgan telling you there even was a thing must have been hell.”
I didn’t smile back. “Yes, it was.”
His smile faded. “Yeah, guess so. So, uh…” He sighed again, then closed his eyes. “Morgan has been cheating on you with a guy named Arin.” He opened his eyes again. “Doug swears by it. He’s apparently kind of furious with her about it, but he never got to confront her directly.”
I processed what she said. “I actually asked her point-blank if she did. She says no. She doesn’t lie to me.”
He shrugged. “I can’t do much to answer that,” he replied.
“Well, you know Morgan. Can you guess who’s lying?”
“Yes, I can, but what would that do for you? It would be a complete guess. It’s not like if one person who normally tells the truth can’t lie, or like, vice versa.”
“So, what, the only way to know for sure would be to out Doug to her?” I asked.
“You’re, uh…” Kevin gestured to his eye.
“What?” My fingers went to my eyes. I rubbed around them and felt wetness. Tears. I didn’t even notice them coming out.
It didn’t make sense. I wasn’t upset. We had an open relationship, albeit a clumsy one. Even if she slept with someone else, so what? So did I. I was fine with it being open both ways. I wasn’t upset. I wasn’t crying.
“You should sit down, Quinn,” Kevin urged me in a serious voice. “You look, uh… yeah, you look… broken.”
“Thanks,” I scoffed, sitting down. My head was abuzz with thoughts. I didn’t get it. None of this made sense, and yet, it felt like a long time coming. Simultaneously. Morgan had sex with another guy. Morgan had sex with another guy. Morgan had sex with another guy.
I asked her about it to her face and she lied to me.
Or Doug was lying. Was that worse? No, it was better. I mean, it was better, but more… needlessly mean. If I was being objective, I would have said that was less likely. There was less motive, right? I had to be objective.
But I wasn’t objective. I was Quinn Shen.
I barely heard Kevin when he offered to go into the living room and play Bloodborne or help Mother with some chores or something. My head just hit the pillow at some point, and when it came back up, Kevin was gone and over an hour had passed.
Reason was telling me to go talk to Morgan immediately and sort this out, and confirm who was lying and why, and hopefully put this behind me. Even so, I remembered my talk with Taylor in that Starbucks so long ago. If I talked to Morgan now, I’d be causing a mountain of headaches for both of us. Instead, I decided to go on a walk.
***
“I don’t even go on walks,” Lexi complained. “I got little legs.”
“I’ll go slow,” I chuckled. “I just wanted someone to be with.”
“Trouble in paradise?” she joked. I guess my face gave it away, because her face immediately softened with concern. “Oh, no! Really? What’s going on?”
I shrugged. “Drama,” I admitted, perhaps for the first time. “You know me.”
“Oh, don’t beat yourself up,” she soothed. “I’m sure whatever it is, it’ll be gone in like a week, and everything will be fine.”
“Or it won’t,” I replied, stopping for a second. “What if this is the thing that causes us to break up, and I could have prevented it or something? I feel like I need to know how to properly-”
“Do you see how when you stopped walking, I had to stop walking too?” Lexi asked, interrupting me.
“Um…” I squinted at her in confusion. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Keep walking,” she told me.
“Lexi, I’m trying to talk about my situation with Morgan here,” I argued.
“So am I,” she told me, then turned away and kept walking.
Against all odds, I broke out into a smile. “Oh, you think you’re just so smooth with that one, don’t you?” I asked, unable to stop myself from giggling.
She giggled back and flashed me a grin. “Yes I do,” she admitted with no remorse. “You get what I’m saying.”
“To an extent,” I admitted.
“And like, whatever it is, what’s gonna, like, win here, Quinn? Months of connection and you gushing about how much you love her? Or one especially spicy… like, piece or whatever, of drama?”
I sighed and kept walking. “There’s a lot of factors at play,” I admitted. “I think she might have point-blank lied to me about this. She’d never done that before.”
“Okay, but like, so what?” Lexi challenged me. “People are gonna lie in relationships. I lie allll the fucking time to my boyfriends.”
“So, about that, ‘if you and Morgan weren’t a couple’ speech you gave to me…” I joked.
“Maybe that was a lie and I don’t lie to my boyfriends,” she joked back. “No, but like, this is definitely not the first time Morgan has lied to you. Maybe it’s the first time you found out, or even the first time it meant so much, but like, girls lie. Boys lie. Even Milo lies, and he’s both!”
“Milo’s a boy,” I asserted.
“It was just a joke.”
“Is the punchline only humorous because you don’t truly see Milo as a boy?” I asked her.
“Jeez,” she replied.
“Would he laugh if he was here and heard that?” I pressed on.
“Well… alright, fine, sorry,” she admitted. “Whatever. Anyway, if you two can’t recover from one lie she told you, even if it’s a big lie, thank fuck she lied this early on in the relationship. Like, imagine if you guys got married or something like that and this lie came out a few years into the marriage instead.”
“I think that would make it worse,” I admitted.
“So she’s cheating?” she inferred.
“Uh, no,” I replied quickly, lying badly.
“Quinn, I can keep a secret,” she attempted to soothe me.
“Okay, so that’s a lie,” I rebutted. “One of the first things I learned about you is that you can’t keep secrets. It’s one of the core traits of your personality!”
“Hey! Core? Core?!” she asked incredulously.
“Yes,” I asserted.
“…’Core’ means, like, one of the biggest, right?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“It is not core! It’s – yeah, okay. I’ll try really hard to shut up about this one though,” she admitted.
“You’d better,” I said authoritatively. “I mean it. This one in particular. It could blow up really badly.”
We arrived at some kind of river and stopped walking. We didn’t say anything more, but Lexi picked up a stone and tried to skip it across. It sunk immediately.
“Fuck,” she spat.
I picked up a nice flat rock and stared at the water, positioning my hand over and over in different ways.
“Never skipped before?” she asked.
“Nope,” I replied.
“Well, if you want to get it right, it’s all in the wrist,” she said confidently.
“You just sank it on your first throw,” I noted.
“Yeah, okay, so… use your wrist better than I did,” she argued. “You ever thrown a frisbee before?”
“Nope.”
“Ever passed a folded note across a table?”
“Nope.”
“Ever… I dunno, thrown a coin at someone you owed money to?”
“Nope.”
“Were you born this year, Quinn??” she asked exasperatedly. “You can’t break up with Morgan. She’s teaching you how to be a normal human being.”
I eyed the water, letting the words sink in. “Morgan hurt me. If whatever’s going on is true, she hurt me really badly.”
“How? You fucked both Taylor and I, didn’t you?” she asked.
“That’s ‘Taylor and me,’” I corrected her. “And yeah, with her permission. In your case, practically at her urging.”
“Hey.”
“I liked it, sorry, I liked it too. I’m happy I got to do that with you. But in this case… she didn’t ask permission, and she… lied to me about it, and…” I felt a tear drop from her eye.
“Oh. Um, hey, don’t cry,” Lexi offered upon noticing me, clearly out of her element here.
I flung my wrist and launched the stone out into the water. It sank without skipping. “It feels so dumb to say that the permission made all the difference, but…”
“I guess telling people about it is nice, yeah,” Lexi admitted. “But does this end everything?”
“No. It just… taints it.”
“Taints?”
“Yeah, like it affects-”
“I know what it means, bozo,” Lexi defensively interrupted. “I just don’t get it, I guess.” She picked up a rock and flung it at the water. It skipped once, then sunk.
“Hey, congrats,” I said half-heartedly.
“Are you going to be okay?” she asked. I didn’t respond, so we stood there in silence. “Y’know, it’s weird,” she continued. “When we got closer, I kinda thought to myself that it would be kinda cool if you two broke up. Like, just to see what would happen between us. Now it just feels like it would suck if you two split up.”
I chuckled. “That’s pretty honest of you,” I admitted. I picked up a rock and threw it, imitating what Lexi did. It skipped three times.
“Hey, look at that, your first skip,” she said with a smile.
I weakly smiled back. We found and skipped rocks the entire rest of the time we were there, and managed to skip every rock we threw.
***
“Hey,” I greeted Morgan at her front door. She had one of those extended bits of roof or whatever they’re called above her porch, so I didn’t get soaked by the cliched rain as I waited for my girlfriend. “How’s it going?”
“It’s fine, what’s up?” she asked. “Did you want to hang out?” She looked out into the rain. “How’d you even get here?”
“I, uh, got a ride. Can I come in?” I asked.
I didn’t like this. It was tense already. Less than a minute in and things were already going off-***********. Staring me dead in the eye, Morgan let me in and closed the door behind me. “Is it okay if we keep whatever this is short?” she asked. “I’ve kind of got a lot of stuff to do today.”
“I just really need to talk to you about something. It’s importa-”
“I don’t like this,” she interrupted.
“I know what the secret is,” I immediately replied.
She stared at me. The sounds of the pouring rain outside were the only sounds I could hear. She looked around the living room, then back at me. “And what is it?”
“Did you… lie to me, earlier, when I asked you if you did something with Arin?” I asked, trying to keep myself from shaking with the nerves.
“No,” she quickly replied.
Changing my strategy, I said nothing. My expression didn’t change. I just stared back at her, almost blankly.
Her expression quickly turned into ‘weirded out.’ “No,” she repeated emphatically. After about ten more seconds of staring, she quickly added, “I’d like you to leave if that’s okay.”
“If I leave, I’m not coming back,” I replied with a quiet voice.
Her breathing quickened, even though she tried to hold her expression steady. “Are you breaking up with me?”
“No. But if you ask me to leave again, you’ll be breaking up with me,” I promised her.
“So what are my options?”
“Ask me to leave or tell me the truth.”
“I don’t like that you’re forcing me to talk about something I’m clearly uncomfortable with,” she said.
“I think you lied to me, and if you told me the truth the first time, I wouldn’t be this demanding with you.”
Morgan’s expression remained unchanged, save for her eyes getting wetter. She was holding back tears.
I didn’t let up. “I trusted you, and you broke my heart.”
That did it. At once, her hands flew to her face and she started crying. “How the fuck do you think I felt?!” she demanded. “Would it have fucking killed you to think about this from my – from my-”
“Perspecti-”
“Shut up,” she sobbed. “Perspective. Taylor kept fucking with me just to g-”
“Us, Morgan. Taylor kept fucking with us,” I argued.
“I’m sorry, who did she convince to have sex with her, including after knowing you were going out with me? And you went along with it!”
“So that’s what this is about?!” I demanded. “We had a billion conversations about this, and you’re upset we didn’t have a billion and one?”
“I’m upset because I’m always being fucked with!” she protested. “Once, just once, I wanted to be in charge of my own things without… without you…” She trailed off, clearly about to say something she regretted, and retired to the couch. I followed.
The extra time allowed me to breathe. “Okay, first things first,” I said as calmly as possible. “Did you, or did you not, sleep with Arin?”
“I’m not answering that,” Morgan replied angrily.
“So you’re telling me to leave?” I asked.
She glared at me. “Fuck you. Yes, I did.”
“How many times?”
“Three.”
“Three?” I asked in shock. “When?”
“I’m not answering that and I’m never answering that,” she asserted. “If you want to play your stupid fucking ‘walk out the door’ game with me, I’ll see you never.” This was so new for Morgan. This wasn’t the calm adult-in-the-room she was even when she was upset. This was something new.
“Okay, so you slept with Arin three times while you were with me. I can guess when the first time happened,” I reasoned, partially to myself. “So why didn’t you just tell me when it happened? I mean, we were messy, but we were open at that point, kinda. Unless… was this before…?”
“No, this was after I caught you with Taylor,” she admitted. She looked at me for a bit and sighed, tears still on her face. “Look, it was… bad. I didn’t like it, I didn’t even want it past a certain point. I thought it would help me get even. It… didn’t.”
I was getting confused. “I don’t get this. Why?”
“Why what?” she asked exasperatedly.
“Why any of this!”
She huffed. “I fucked my ex because Taylor got to fuck you.”
“We didn’t go all the w-”
“Shut up, just shut up,” she ordered childishly. “If you wanted a fucking response then let me fucking talk, for fuck’s sakes. You don’t need to nitpick and correct every single little fucking thing.”
I didn’t take well to being yelled at, and could feel my own tears coming on. “Okay, go ahead,” I said in a small voice.
“Okay. So, I got – right, I fucked him. He was begging for it for a while, and I thought it would feel good. He and I were, uh, friends with benefits after we broke up, mainly because he was the only guy I could tolerate for a long while. But I, like, only tolerated him. Sleeping with him again just reminded me how shitty and empty my life felt. Shitty and empty.”
I nodded along, even though it was breaking my heart. “And why didn’t you tell me that you were doing this? Wouldn’t that have helped keep things transparent between us? You even made us officially open to friends.”
“Use your fucking brains, Quinn. I hated that I did it. I wanted to pretend I didn’t do it. You could do it because it was already in the open. I didn’t want you to know that I did the same shitty things.”
“So you wanted to be better than me?” I asked with heat.
“You know what, yes! I wanted to be better than just cheating and manipulation. I wanted the whole thing to be behind us, and after the first time, I figured we could just go on and make our relationship better and never worry about it again!”
“Um, that doesn’t explain the other two-” Oh. I was getting it. Stopping mid-sentence, I shifted myself in place. With a new voice, I thought out loud. “After the second time, you opened up the relationship. You encouraged me to go after Lexi.”
With a sad expression, she nodded.
“To make yourself feel better about doing it with him a second time. But why’d you even do it with him a second time at all?”
“Because he’s an asshole and I was addicted to him. Happy?” she spat. “Because I hate myself. Because thanks to fucking Taylor, I can’t be happy in any relationship, so I may as well ruin shit on my own terms.”
“Morgan, I would have been fine if you just told me what you did,” I protested. “You made us open. I practically wanted you to make our relationship evenly open. If you told me that you wanted to sleep w-”
“Listen to me when I say shit!!” she interrupted. “I didn’t want to sleep with him! I hated sleeping with him, and I hated myself for going back, but it was the only thing that made sense! You’re just not listening! That’s your problem, Quinn, you just don’t, fucking, listen!” She buried her head into the couch, and judging by the way her head was moving, she was sobbing. “Why can’t you get that telling you meant, like, fucking saying it? Telling you makes it real! I wanted to grow, not wallow! I’m allowed to be angry!”
“Why are you allowed to be angry and I’m not?” I demanded. “You lied to me about sleeping with someone else! I asked you if you wanted to sleep with someone, you said no, and I even asked if you and him were doing something and you said no! What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Morgan nearly screamed into the couch, then resurfaced her head. “Be angry, Quinn. Walk out that fucking door and break up with me. I’m a shitty fucking girlfriend and I did shitty fucking girlfriend things. I just wanted to fucking believe I could be better than I was. I’m so fucking sorry I’m a human being.”
So, Morgan had sex with Arin because she felt angry at Taylor and me, thought that would be the end of it and we could move on as a couple without me knowing, but then she had sex with him again. So, to alleviate the guilt, she opened up the relationship. Then I guess she had sex with him a third time, and sometime after, clearly got angry at him at Jackson’s party.
A third time. The first time was after she caught Taylor and me. The pieces were coming together. “So that’s why you were so angry when Taylor of all people kissed me.”
Morgan continued crying for a few more seconds, soundlessly. After a while, she spoke. “You like her more, don’t you?”
“Morgan, ple-”
“No, no. It’s true. You always did.” Her voice was ominously calm. “I think I just wanted to delay the inevitable the whole time. I just wanted to lie to myself. And when I couldn’t lie, I’d cheat back. Well, now I can’t do either. You even mentioned she brought Kevin to the party. Kevin’s how you found out, huh?”
I cringed. I wasn’t the only one putting the pieces together.
“And Taylor invited him.” Her voice was plain with no emotion. “Son of a bitch. She’s good. I guess he’s good, too. I didn’t expect anyone could make Arin blab, he’s real good at keeping secrets.”
I ran my tongue over my teeth. I could do no good at this point, showing my hand and outing Doug.
She turned to me. “So you suspected I fucked him.”
“No, you just revealed there was a big thing hurting you, and it was damaging our relationship.”
“And you didn’t trust me to handle it on my own, huh?”
“Look where ‘handling it on your own’ got us. You fucked him two more times, despite you yourself claiming you didn’t even like it, and lied to my face. You never lie to me.”
“I’ve lied to you before,” she admitted. “Everybody does. But Quinn… I need you to understand this… summer is ending. Arin was about to move away. I opened a fucking beer in his face. I handled it. I, like, put a band-aid over the wound, and you tore it off and picked the scab right back open.”
“He would’ve tried again,” I protested. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you at those parties.”
“Oh, so, in hindsight, you totally knew? Why did you even need Kevin, or Taylor, or who-knows-who-else?” she spat. “For all I know, Lexi, Crystal, and Milo are in on this too. And now I guess they can all know I’m just a shitty fucking person who deserves to be alone.”
“You didn’t treat me right, and lied to me. Own up to it.”
“You did the same, Quinn,” she asserted.
“Yes I did, and I had to own up to it every fucking day. I’ve apologized, I’ve walked on eggshells, and I lived with it knowing you saw me at my lowest. Now I’ve seen you at yours, and what, you expect me not to get angry because I did the same? If fair’s fair and you wanted to do the same thing to me, I get to hold this over you the same way you held it over me. You want to have your cake and eat it too.”
Morgan got up and started pointing at me as she yelled. “If you hated how I held it over you, maybe you could understand why I was too scared to tell you, Quinn. That’s why I lied, fucking gifted kid. We were finally happy, and I just had one small thing to take care of, but nope, you just had to butt in anyway.”
“So what, you wanted to berate me and make me guilty for cheating on you, then cheat on me back and hope I never find out all while giving me cryptic hints and crying, and pretend me finding out anyway was the thing that stopped us from being happy?” I yelled back. “Morgan, what the fuck?! You like to pretend you’re the adult of the friend group but clearly you’re not. It’s becoming more and more clear that you’re just a fucking child.”
“You just don’t-!” Morgan sputtered, her arms moving in a blind fury until eventually I felt her fist forcing on my chest. I stumbled back. She struck me. It wasn’t even that hard, but the fact that she did it at all left us both in pain. I rubbed my chest, feeling the soreness and betrayal coursing through me. Morgan yelled at me after I called her out for doing something wrong, then hit me.
“I didn’t mean to do that,” she said quickly and quietly. It was a soft voice, but it wasn’t her normal voice that hid her tone. On the contrary, it was very clear what her tone was trying to hide; fear.
I stared at her for a bit, trying to figure out what I should even say. After a few seconds, I realized I didn’t have anything to say, and didn’t even feel comfortable speaking to her at this time anymore. Wordlessly, I turned around and headed for the door.
“Quinn… please…” her words feebly echoed to me as I walked to the door. I could tell she wasn’t getting up; she wasn’t chasing me. She was sitting right there, hoping I’d turn around. I never gave her the satisfaction.
***
“Did it go alright?” Taylor asked sympathetically as I got into her car.
“Um, uh, no. No it didn’t. I think we might have broken up. I’m not sure. Can you drive please?” I was a flustered mess.
“Oh no, really?” she asked, her voice full of concern. “Like, what happened?”
“What happened was that she was fucking Arin to take back some kind of control after catching us. She found out she didn’t like doing that but couldn’t stop herself. So-”
“Wait-”
“No, you are not fucking interrupting me,” I rasped. “Anyways, she felt bad about fucking Arin so that’s why she even made our relationship open. Then I asked, point-blank, ‘hey, are you fucking Arin?’ She lied. I found out. She acted like I was the fucking bad guy. She even hit me.”
“Oh my God,” she murmured, processing all of that information. “I’m, uh, really sorry, Quinn.”
“Yeah, so am I,” I scoffed.
She drove for about another minute before piping up. “We’re not going back to your place,” she told me.
“Then where are we going?”
“I don’t think you should be alone right now. We’re going back to my place. I can ask the others to hang out if you want, but I really don’t think you should be alone.”
“I wouldn’t be alone at my place. Kevin’s there,” I pointed out.
“Yeah, that doesn’t make me feel any better about leaving you there, Quinn,” she said with a slight smirk.
I didn’t argue. I just stared out the window as she drove.
***
I collapsed on her beanbag chair, a familiar yet distant memory.
“How’re you holding up?” Taylor asked, her voice full of concern.
I shrugged.
“I’m sorry Morgan did that,” she offered.
“I – we did it first,” I replied.
“You didn’t lie about it. You accepted the consequences. You didn’t hit her. You’re more grown-up than she ever was,” Taylor replied emphatically.
“No, she’s normally grown up. I guess she was… upset. It was uncharacteristic of her, but you should have seen her. You’re right, she was acting like she was half her age there.”
“I think I’ve seen it before, yeah,” Taylor replied with a nod. “But, like, I never broke up with her, obviously. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”
“I don’t even know if we broke up,” I thought out loud. “I just left.”
“Well, that doesn’t mean it’s a breakup,” she replied.
“It could. Context. You’d have to be there.”
“Well, do you want to break up with her?” she asked slowly. She sat down in front of me, studying my eyes.
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
“What do you want then, do you know that?” she asked.
“I don’t have that luxury,” I chuckled. I looked up at her and saw that she was holding the vodka bottle.
“Do you mind if I?” she asked.
“How would I get home?”
“I can run up and ask my mom, if you wouldn’t mind that.”
I chuckled again. “You pick the oddest times to get tipsy,” I remarked. “Sure.”
“What do you mean by that?” she asked.
“Oh, I just meant… I’m just worried about… y’know, you being tipsy around me.”
She gave me a confused smile. “Why? I’ve been tipsy around you before.”
“Yeah, but usually that led to us fooling around.”
“Yeah, but we’re not fooling around now, not with the relationship troubles, right?”
“I’m not in a relationship right now, Taylor.”
The silence was deafening. Taylor looked at me, at first confused, then meaningfully. “…Yeah?” she eventually asked.
“Sorry, that was dumb,” I backpedaled. “I didn’t mean to – I was talking out of turn.”
“No no, I get it,” Taylor softly replied. “I mean, you just went through a tough moment, and you might be single now and that can hit you hard. Everyone wants a…” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “…Rebound.”
“But, like… so soon? It shouldn’t happen, you know?”
“Are you telling me to back off? Because I will,” Taylor replied.
I paused, then looked at her. “Why, is there something you’d be backing off from?”
“Quinn, I dunno if you want me to be the bigger person here, but I won’t be. If you pictured me giving some big speech about how I’ve grown and our friendship would be better if we didn’t have sex, you’re picturing me wrong.”
“I didn’t mean to come to this basement to proposition you,” I murmured.
“Neither did I,” she replied. “It kinda says something about how it just happened, and how it happened so quickly.”
“But what about Morgan? Won’t this hurt her?” I asked.
“If it does, if the story you told me is true, she’d be the biggest hypocrite on the planet. And maybe you two won’t ever talk again. Maybe you will, but, like, y’know, you can’t base everything on…”
“…’What ifs,’ yeah,” I concluded. We stood up at the same time, and slowly, I grabbed the vodka bottle. “Okay, so, uh… let’s maybe lose this. I don’t want you to drink tonight, if that’s okay.”
“Yeah, that’s fine,” Taylor said in some kind of new voice. I put the vodka bottle on the ground, then put my hands on her waist. We looked into each other’s eyes for a moment, then I chuckled nervously, looking away.
“What?” she asked.
“It’s just silly,” I noted. “Like, days ago, this wasn’t a big deal, but now…”
“Well now, I want all of it,” she told me, boldly but quietly. “But I don’t want you to do it unless you want it too.”
“Taylor, I wanted it for a long while now,” I protested. “I just held back.”
“Don’t hold back,” she said, her voice just above a whisper. We closed the gap between us, and before long, my hands went from her waist to grabbing her ass as we started open-mouth kissing.
I hated how good and right it felt. A part of me wanted it to feel wrong immediately, to push her away and run off towards Morgan’s house or something. There was no such luck. I felt like melting into her, and judging from the moans she was making, Taylor felt the exact same way.
As desperate as we were to feel each other’s bodies and to attack each other’s mouths with our tongues, we were content to kiss for a while. The context of our school had melted away. Every drop of context was gone. The most anti-social nerd in the school wasn’t kissing the most popular girl – Quinn Shen was kissing Taylor Wise, and it was clear that both of them had been longing for it for so long, whether they wanted to admit that to themselves or not.
Taylor’s hands were moving all over my body in a frenzy. Her pelvis began desperately grinding against mine. She broke the kiss and leaned into my ear, never stopping her grinding. “Quinn, this better not be a fucking joke,” she breathed. “I want it. I want this to finally happen.”
I could only grunt back, grinding myself back against her pelvis. “I’ve wanted to fuck you for so long, Taylor,” I found myself admitting. “And tonight, whatever happens, I’m single. Even if I’m not tomorrow, I’m single now. We both want this.”
She moaned. “I want it, so badly,” she pleaded.
Before I even knew what I was doing, I shoved her against the wall. Taylor and I had done cute little innocent acts up until this moment, but now, it was no holds barred. Taylor moaned, feeling my body against hers, pinning her to the wall. I moved her shirt up her waist and caressed the bare skin of her midriff, giving her neck kisses and bites, listening to the rhythmic sounds of her panting. I wanted to taste all of her. I wanted her.
“Fuck, you’ve gotten better at this…” she panted. “Show me everything you’ve learned, Quinn.”
Stepping back, I teasingly slapped her across the face. “This isn’t what I learned, this is what I can do,” I growled. “Tonight, I’ll-”
Taylor gingerly caressed her cheek and with her other hand, held up a finger to interrupt me. “So, uh, I like your spirit, but I’m not sure I’m into this,” she complained.
“Oh, uh, yeah, of course, sorry,” I replied, instantly deflated.
“Don’t be!” she instantly replied. “Let’s just be… softer. I’m okay with, like, really wanting it, but maybe let’s not make it violent or overly dom-subby. On, like, either end.”
I smiled sheepishly. “Deal. Uh, sorry again.”
“Don’t be, don’t be!” she soothed. “Is the moment ruined?”
“I’m good to go if you are,” I told her.
She flashed a smile. “Me too.” We closed the gap and began kissing again, tame and polite at first, to get back into the swing of things. Before long, like two teens in lust, we were making out, grinding up against the wall, and moaning about how badly we wanted each other again.
Taylor made eager whimpers and moans with her body pressed up against the wall. I remembered worrying about my chest against hers if she gave me any friendly hugs in our early days, and now, without shame, our chests were smashed together. Even with a bra on underneath her shirt, her breasts felt so good pressed up against me. Our bodies clicked naturally, and felt so right together.
It’s just that our pesky clothes were in the way. We quickly worked to solve that problem, and eventually both of our shirts and Taylor’s bra were on the floor as we continued to make out, enjoying the feeling of skin on skin.
“Your skin feels so good against mine,” I moaned in between our kisses.
She smiled cheekily. “You’re quite the sap, Quinn,” she teased. “I would have thought you’d immediately start giving the girls attention again.”
“The girls…?” I asked obliviously, before Taylor held her modest breasts in her hands for my attention. My expression turned from confused to mischievous as I dove down, eager to show Taylor just how much I had grown since my mouth was last on her nipples.
I went easy on the teasing, since it was clear how badly she (and I) wanted it. Anything that made Taylor coo and moan, I was happy to do it. Taylor leaned back against the wall for support as I rolled my tongue around her nipples, sucked and lightly bit, trying to combine my newfound experience and every detail I remembered about what set Taylor off.
Taylor was hot as a firecracker, or I was doing everything right. She had one hand against the wall and the other on the back of my hand, moaning things like, “Oh, Quinn, that feels so good,” or “Oh Quinn, why did we ever stop doing this?” She was in a world of her own.
At the point where she couldn’t take it anymore, she brought me back up by my shoulders and kissed me deeply, smiling at me after.
“Blowjob or main event?” she practically breathed.
As eager as I was to finally be inside her, I couldn’t resist sporting a little grin. “I want to taste you too. How about we do five-ish minutes both sides?”
“What, are we cooking a steak? You’re going to fucking kill me here,” she muttered with a laugh. “Fine, get your fucking pants off.”
“Nope, we’re doing you first,” I replied forcefully, still with a smile. Taylor blushed a deep red and muttered something I couldn’t hear, then started to work her pants off.
I forgot what a beautiful sight Taylor Wise naked really was. She wasn’t just gorgeous with clothes on; her body perfectly complemented her cute innocent little chipmunk face in every way, and it just made me realize how fucking lucky I was to get to have sex with her. Here she was, naked and blushing, eager to have sex with me after all this time.
“Against the wall or on the ground?” I asked, barely recognizing the confidence in my own voice.
“Fuck, you’re hot,” she purred. “Um, ground, probably.” She got into the position on the ground and I, pants still on, knelt down before her, prying open her legs and winking at her before lowering my lips to her inner thighs. I swear I could see her shiver from my wink before my lips even made contact with her.
Taylor was so needy, she started moaning from the moment I began to eat her. Both hands were on the back of my head and her mouth was fully open, her eyes gazing up to the heavens. My tongue danced on her throbbing little clit, my fingers alternating between curling to reach her G-spot and pumping in and out of her. I did my best to listen for every signal and reward every squirm. I wanted Taylor to see me as a God, if only for one night, and I wanted her to cum.
Luckily, the latter was clearly being arranged. It helped that Taylor taught me herself to make her cum, and I had a sneaking suspicion it was easier to make her climax than other girls, but from her whimper-moans, her gyrations, and particularly from her “Fuck, Quinn, I’m cumming”s, Taylor was having the ride of her life on my tongue.
It was clear I had made an impression on her. I may as well have blinked after her climax and in that time she managed to reverse our positions, with me on the ground, and her tearing open my fly, moaning that she needed my dick again.
When it was released, Taylor all but had cartoon hearts replacing her eyes. I may not have been the most well-endowed guy on the planet, but I knew right then and there that Taylor had never looked at another guy’s junk the same way she looked at mine. She didn’t waste any time bothering to tease me, and went as quickly to deepthroating as humanly possible, eager to give me the same treatment as I gave her.
Taylor’s mouth felt amazing, but the clincher was watching her mouth on me. It was the sexiest thing I had seen in my working memory. The popular girl, eyes glazed over with lust, hungrily sucking my dick, practically dripping from her desire.
Taylor and I had one thing in common – both of us knew the other couldn’t last for the whole five minutes. Taylor seemed to know when I was getting close; I could practically feel her smile on my dick, her hands exploring my abdomen, her eyes forever on me.
“Tay-!” I managed. I was lucky she was used to this and knew the telltale signs, because I didn’t get to say a word more before what may have been the largest load of my life was shot down her throat, with her obediently swallowing every drop. I could feel rope after rope being ejaculated as my hips started to tingle with pleasure, shooting out throughout my entire body. “Holy fuuuuck…” I moaned, nearly blacking out from the sensations. “Jesus Christ Taylor, you’re so fucking good.”
She gently removed her mouth from me and began to play with my dick. “You’d better not be spent, Quinn,” she purred. “I’m going to need this very soon.”
“I… give me a minute,” I chuckled, and she followed suit. We filled time with some more foreplay, largely with me playing with her breasts with my tongue, before I was back and ready to go.
“Already?” she asked coquettishly, pushing down on my dick with one finger and watching it bounce back up. “Impressive.”
I started breathing more heavily. “I can’t believe we’re about to do this…” I breathed.
“I can’t believe it’s taken this long,” she rebutted, going back to the same position she was in when I ate her out. “Like this. I want us to look into each other’s eyes when we do it.”
“Now who’s the sap?” I joked, moving up to her. I lined myself up against her and breathed in and out a few times.
This was it. The moment everything had led up to. I was going to fuck Taylor Wise. This wasn’t a dream, and we weren’t going to get interrupted. Most of all, she wanted me, badly. If only September Me could see me now.
“You good?” I asked, lining myself up against her.
Eagerly, she nodded. I nodded back, and slowly began to push inside her, feeling Taylor’s walls contracting around me for the first time. I was inside Taylor. I had done it.
A flash of Morgan appeared before me, and I remembered my first time with her. They felt so different yet so similar. I watched Taylor’s face as she threw her head back, moaned, and bit her lower lip. Eventually, she locked eyes with me and nodded, indicating for me to continue.
Slowly at first, I began to move my hips back and forth, sliding myself in and out of Taylor. We were closer than ever. I was inside her. This was it. I felt her muscles – perhaps all of the muscles in her whole body – dedicated to milking me, and making me feel as welcome as possible inside her. I’d give her the same treatment.
Soon, I began to pick up speed, and before long, we were full-on fucking on her basement floor, making enough noise to make me hope her mom was cool with all this. I had moved one hand from supporting myself to grabbing a handful of her hair, and despite her desire to look me in the eyes, her eyes were closed in rapture and pure pleasure.
“Ooh, oh God, oh my God, oh my fucking God, Quinn, yes, yes…” Taylor moaned. She was talking a lot, but I was glad to see it. If anything, once I realized it, I was saying a lot back myself.
“Fuck, Taylor… does that feel good? I feel good, I feel so good… fuck, you’re amazing…”
It was like a full-on conversation while we were fucking. It didn’t slow down our rhythms though, and in fact, just as we had managed to never talk over one another, our bodies were just as much in sync, moving in perfect harmony with one another.
At one particularly faithful moment, Taylor’s eyes flew open, and met mine. We both instantly knew, while grinding into each other like desperate teenagers, to meet our lips in a desperate, horny kiss. At this point, I could feel Taylor, and myself, approaching our climaxes.
We didn’t change pace, or switch positions. We didn’t even need to say anything. He just held each other close and kept humping, our breathing doing the rest of the talking, the room smelling of sweat and cum, the air thick. It was time.
You get taught that simultaneous orgasms are a myth, and yet, right at the moment where I first felt my second load coming, Taylor’s body tensed up and I heard her emit a deep, guttural moan. The both of us smashed our bodies together and held them there, letting the pleasure flow through both of our bodies. We ended like we had been fucking the whole time – in sync.
I could feel Taylor’s vaginal walls rippling over my dick and I’m sure she could feel my load shooting inside her. The both of us held each other until we could both feel our orgasms subsidizing, and then, we locked eyes and… laughed. Just laughed.
I was expecting to feel guilty towards Morgan after what I had just done, but for some weird reason, guilt didn’t click. I didn’t know what I was feeling. I still definitely cared about her. Did I want to be her boyfriend? I thought so. I wasn’t sure. I was inside another girl at the moment. We were possibly both single. I hoped Morgan was doing okay, but that’s as far as I got. Maybe it was because of my deep history with taylor, but… this still felt right. Even if this and this alone solidified our breakup, this felt like something that needed to happen. If I were feeling cliche, I would have said that this ‘had better be the first of many’ or something, but I wasn’t even sure if that was true. All I knew, and all I cared about, was this was new, and I was glad I did it.
I collapsed on top of Taylor, earning a laugh from her. “You freaked me out for a second there,” she murmured, playing with my hair.
I lifted my head. “Huh?”
“After we came, even after I came back to Earth, you were, like, staring off into space with a silly expression on your face…” she said with a giggle.
“Oh. W-was I? Sorry,” I replied sheepishly.
“Thinking about Morgan?” she asked boldly.
“Let’s not talk about her,” I replied quickly.
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” she admitted. “But I just, like, wanna say one thing. I’m glad we did this. I don’t care what happens to me after this, I’m glad I did this with you.”
I felt my penis slide out of Taylor’s vagina, our act officially over. I smiled at her. “I feel the exact same way,” I told her sincerely.
We sat in silence for a few seconds before Taylor broke it with a long sigh. “So, do you want to spoon and talk for a bit, or should we get cleaned up and go?” she asked. “And pick the first one, don’t be mean.”
I chuckled, and opened my mouth to answer, before a noise caught our attention. A vibration.
“My phone’s upstairs,” Taylor noted. “If this is what I think it is, fate is a mean bitch.”
Naked, I got up and scrambled to my discarded pants and fished out my phone. Sure enough, I was getting a call from Morgan. I flashed Taylor a look. “It’s what you think.”
She sighed. “Well,” she mused. “Your fight happened. Tonight happened. What do you want to do now? It’s totally up to you.”
I stared at Morgan’s picture on my phone, then back at Taylor, in thought. There were only precious seconds left before it went to voicemail. If I was going to answer the phone, I had to do it now. And I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that whatever I chose to do was going to decide how this all played out.
Chapter 20
There are things you know, but just can’t explain. You just feel what’s right. Even if it’s not what you “should” do, you know you have to do it, and it was in that moment, probably right before she would have went to voicemail, that I hit ‘answer’ and brought my phone to my ear.
Silence greeted me before Morgan did. “I didn’t like the person I was today,” her dry voice greeted me. “I can be better than that. I’m sorry for hitting you. And for, uh, interrupting. Like I always do. If you want to break up with me, you can, and um, maybe you should, but we can’t end it like we did.”
Her normal tone was back. Hell, it was like the tone she had before we even started dating, like, right before. Trying to be emotionless and professional, but with just enough nervousness in her voice to make it clear something was up.
I stole a look at Taylor. It was weird how, at one time, she was the immature one that needed to apologize, and Morgan was the voice of reason. “I don’t want to apologize for anything I said,” I said with a dry throat.
“Yeah, no, of course not,” Morgan immediately replied sincerely. “You don’t have to. I, uh, was the bad guy. I don’t want to make that mistake again. I…” She gave a single, sad chuckle. “I don’t even know if you consider us broken up or not. I don’t know whether to ask you for another chance or…” She trailed off.
Neither of us said anything for a bit. I was staring at the wall, and Taylor’s waving hand brought me back to reality. She was fully clothed, and was holding my clothes in her hands. “Put these on,” she mouthed.
I covered my end of the phone. “Why?”
“I’m driving you to her place, Quinn,” she said, rolling her eyes, as if it were obvious.
I looked at her, weirded out for a second, then heard Morgan speak. “It’s up to you, but if you feel the same way, I’d like to see you again tonight. Even if it’s over, I just don’t want that to be our, uh…” Her voice caught in her throat. “Our, uh… last time seeing each other.”
I stared at Taylor for a bit, then snatched my clothes with my free hand. “I’ll see if I can find a ride,” I told Morgan with a flat voice. “I’ll text you soon.” I ended the call and turned to Taylor. “What are you doing?”
“What do you think I’m doing?” she asked with a surprisingly soft voice.
“What, you heard all that shit about us fighting, her hitting me, her cheating on me, and then one phone call later you’re suddenly playing matchmaker?” I asked.
“You don’t get it,” she replied, shaking her head.
“Okay then, enlighten me,” I demanded.
“Think of the bigger picture, and all the shit you’ve been through. All the shit we have been through,” she said emphatically. “Think of everything you put her through, all because of me.”
“What, so this is because you feel guilty?” I asked.
“Quinn…” she replied slowly, exhausted. “Don’t you get it? She didn’t hit you.”
I stayed silent.
“I did.”
Deja vu. This was freaky. I stared at her and stayed silent.
She continued. “Okay, yeah, that sounds cheesy as fuck, but, like, Morgan wouldn’t have done that. She was pushed to the edge by… by me. And she, like, became me. It’s the same shit the boys did to me, the shit you’ve heard about over and over, and look how I turned out.”
“That doesn’t mean I should just forgive her. She didn’t just forgive you. Hell, neither did I.”
“I know, but…”
“I don’t even know if I want to be with her anymore. You and I just had sex. What if we end up together? What if I end up with someone completely different?”
“What if you do?” she asked me back. “But sure, okay, I’ll ask you instead of telling you. Who do you want to be in a relationship with?”
“Maybe I want to be alone for a little bit,” I replied quietly.
“Great, so tell her that too,” she replied. “But at least tell her. I’m not gonna, like, lie to you, your fight with her was big. I’m not gonna be all like, ‘oh, you had one little fight, patch it up.’ I get it. I’ve had them too.”
“And what did you do?”
It was clear from the look on her face she wasn’t expecting that question. She looked away in shame as I finished dressing. “Look, this isn’t abo-”
“Answer the question please,” I told her.
“Okay, yes, if my boyfriends cheated, or even if they hit me, I’d just forgive them and go along with it.”
“And would they stop cheating on you? Fuck, did they ever stop hitting you?” I asked in anger.
“Okay, Quinn, I’ve been with some real pieces of shit. Number one, you’re comparing them to Morgan? Really? But number two, you’re way out of line using my past boyfriends hitting me to make a point. Fucking stop.”
That took some steam out of me. “…Okay,” I said weakly, trying to remain defiant.
We both didn’t say anything for a while. “We both know that what she did today isn’t Morgan,” she told me.
I paused. “Yeah,” I admitted. “Do you really think it was you?”
“I dunno. I just know it was caused by me,” she admitted. “But hey, I also think that if it weren’t for me, she never would have liked you either.”
“Seems like you’re a big part of this,” I noted, whipping out my phone and texting Morgan.
I found a ride with Taylor. Can she be there for part of the conversation? I feel like she’s important to this.
“I guess…” Taylor replied slowly. “What do you mean?”
I replied by showing her the phone, and Taylor’s look of confusion deepened. “Um, Quinn, I did not agree to that,” she said sourly.
My phone buzzed with Morgan’s answer, and we both saw her response.
I think i agree, let me know when youre here
I stared at Taylor for a bit, and she looked back at me until giving up and rolling her eyes. “Oh, fuck you,” she sighed. “Why not? One last fucking shouting match or whatever. I’ll go.” With both of us dressed, she started walking towards the stairs before she stopped. “But just because I can’t say this at her place… I’m really glad we fucked. It felt, uh… right. I’m sorry if it feels weird to bring up now.”
“I feel the same way,” I told her. “Whatever happens, I don’t regret that we did it.”
She smiled at me before walking up the stairs, with me right behind her.
***
Her optimism was gone by the time we reached Morgan’s house.
“I really don’t want to go in there,” she told me sourly. “I feel like people are just going to shout at each other, and it’s gonna stink. We always do that.”
“And we always do the things that warrant people shouting at each other,” I countered.
“Yeah, and we just did, like, the worst thing we could have done tonight, Quinn,” she replied immediately, a blush on her face.
“I thought you said you were glad we did it,” I pointed out.
“I was. I am. It’s still the worst thing we could have done though. Sometimes you want to do the worst thing. Sometimes… I dunno, the worst thing is a good thing to do. Like, it’s the worst for some people and better for others. Fuck, I dunno what I’m saying.”
“It’s the worst thing from some angles, and a good thing from others?”
“Sure,” she replied dismissively. “Fuck, let’s just get this over with.” She undid the seatbelt and opened her door, marching up to Taylor’s door. “Hurry up. I’m not gonna be the one to, like, ring the doorbell, Quinn.”
I chuckled lowly and undid my seatbelt, opening the car door and taking in the sight of Morgan’s house in the moonlight. I was hoping this wouldn’t be the last time I’d get to see this house, but I knew what must be done.
I rang the doorbell and Morgan answered surprisingly quickly, with an unusual amount of emotion painting her face. Sadness? Guilt? General unease? It was hard to say. She was wearing a baggy hoodie, and her face looked… like she was having a rough night.
“Hey,” she simply said, then let us in.
The room was dark, with nothing but the moonlight pouring through the windows letting us see each other. Taylor took to the couch then buried her face in a pillow immediately, which gave me time to ask Morgan a few things. “Where are Doug and your parents?”
“Mom and dad are asleep and Doug’s out,” she replied flatly. “So whatever happens, we’ll have to keep this quiet, which is nice, I guess.”
I smiled. “Always so pragmatic,” I said softly.
To my dismay, her expression only turned sadder and her eyes got misty. “Don’t compliment me right now, if you could please,” she said plainly, despite the state of her eyes. “It only makes me hurt more.”
“Okay, so, you can do what you want, and say what you want,” I outlined. “But first, I want to say two sentences, then make a request of you. Is that okay?”
“Sure, I’ll listen,” she agreed, sitting down. Next to her, Taylor removed her face from the pillow, clearly less trusting of what I was about to do.
I took in a breath and began. “I had sex with Taylor tonight.”
“Oh, this is so fucked,” Taylor laughed with zero amusement in her tone. Her raised voice rang through the hallways.
Amazingly, all Morgan did was furrow her brow and put her finger to her lips towards Taylor. “Shh,” she ordered.
I figured the best thing to do was to continue. “I didn’t plan on it happening, and neither did she I think, but it happened. Keeping it from you will only cause this shit to keep happening. I’m just… I want out of the drama. I’m so sick of it. I don’t care what happens to me, but I want the option that causes the least amount of drama, whether it means us making up or never seeing each other again. I think this was more than two sentences.”
I paused, hoping for a chuckle, but no such thing came. So, I took in another breath and continued. “If you think you’re going to get mad, at me or in general, I’d like you to ask Taylor to leave before you do. I think, this time, she’s innocent, or at least as innocent as Taylor gets.”
“Hey! I’m right here, you know,” Taylor complained. “What the hell is that suppo-”
“Taylor,” Morgan interjected, emphatically enough to cut her off but not enough to denote any kind of anger.
Taylor turned to Morgan, unease in her eyes.
“About the Derek thing,” Morgan said dryly. “We’re even now.”
Taylor stared at Morgan for a bit. “…What?”
“The Derek thing. We’re even.” Morgan emotionlessly repeated herself.
“Did you… I don’t…”
Morgan just stared at Taylor, raising her eyebrows once, Morgan’s version of a muted smile of acknowledgement.
“You’re not gonna… blow up at us?” Taylor gingerly asked.
“I kind of expected it. I didn’t want it, of course, but-”
“And you hit him!”
Morgan sighed slowly. “Yeah.” She got up and looked at me. Her eyes were hardened when they started looking at me, but when she saw the way I was looking back, they softened. “Hey. Uh, can I… get a hug? If not, that’s cool, but you can-” She couldn’t finish her sentence; she’d already started crying. Immediately, I walked forward and my arms flung around her. Embracing her felt like going back home. It felt right, even after all this. Hugging Morgan felt like going back home.
“I’m gonna stop drinking,” she practically whispered into my ear, between sobs.
I broke off the hug and looked at her. “Why? You weren’t drunk when we talked, were you…?”
“No, but I just- I just don’t know what caused me to act like I did, and it- it scared me, and I…” She resumed the hug and buried her head into my shoulder again, crying a little before she resumed speaking. “I want to end the drama too, and I always wanted to end it, but it just… I just… I don’t know where we went wrong.”
“Maybe it’s like, not my place to say, but you guys did invite me inside, so…” Taylor began. “You guys kept trying to one-up the other. Yeah, you tried to avoid drama, from, like, the other side. But you decided to kiss me and accept the consequences, Quinn, and you decided to sleep with Arin again, Morgan, and you-”
“I get it,” Morgan sharply interrupted, tearing her face from my shoulder. She turned back to me. “I just don’t know what to say to make this all just magically go away.”
“I don’t think there’s anything either of us could say,” I replied softly. “I honestly came here thinking you blowing up at me for sleeping with Taylor was a huge possibility.”
Morgan, against all odds, broke into a small smile. “Our relationship was practically made by you nearly sleeping with her,” she pointed out. “I knew that the second we broke up, you two would at least go at it. It’s like what I said when we had that big fight at Taylor’s house. I got all the tears out of my system.”
She walked back over to the couch and sat down. “Honestly, it’s almost freeing knowing you two finally did it. At least the hell of ‘will they won’t they’ in my mind is over.” She played with one of the couch cushions, and looked back up at me. “If I gave you the option of being able to, would you do it with her again?”
“What kind of question is that?!” Taylor demanded.
“A question I’m asking Quinn,” Morgan answered her dismissively.
Taylor’s mouth hung open, clearly not enjoying Morgan’s audacity, but I picked up on something different.
“I wouldn’t need you giving me the option,” I said slowly. “Why is that part of the question?”
Morgan looked like she was caught completely off-guard. “Oh, uh, right,” she scrambled. “Um, I guess I should have led with this. What are we?”
I looked at Taylor, then back at Morgan. “I don’t know. I think that will have to be determined with a few more talks, just between us.”
“You invited me over here to third-wheel a fucking therapy session,” Taylor complained. “Can I say something here?”
“No,” Morgan asserted.
“Yes,” I countered, then stared Morgan down.
“I wouldn’t sleep with Quinn again if I’m, like, being honest,” Taylor said. “You’re right, it was on our minds for a while, but seeing what it started, like… y’know? I don’t think it’s, like, smart. No offense.”
“None taken,” I replied diplomatically. “I feel the same way, I don’t think I’d sleep with you again either.” It was a complete lie, but it helped move things along, plus I wasn’t going to score any points with either of the girls by begging Taylor to change her mind.
With that, Taylor turned her attention to Morgan. “So what’s with you agreeing for me to come over and shushing me at every opportunity? Do you just like having this power over me, or what?”
Morgan shrugged. “Quinn suggested it, if I’m being honest. And now I can see why.”
Both girls turned to look at me, and it was my turn to shrug. “I think the best antidote to drama is being honest,” I said for the record. “If I didn’t tell you this immediately, I feel like it would be the exact same situation we were just in, in reverse. And to be honest…” I trailed off. “This is going to sound dumb, but you’re both really special to me, in your own ways. Both of you fill a different… social need of mine. I don’t quite get it myself. But just talking to one of you here didn’t seem right. And you two… are still friends, right?”
Morgan turned to Taylor and smiled again. “Yeah,” she admitted.
“Why the heck wouldn’t we be?” Taylor questioned.
“Nearly stealing my boyfri-” Morgan caught herself. “Ex-boyfriend, twice, did make me a bit… nervous. It does throw a wrench into things.”
“Oh yeah?” Taylor challenged. “What do you c-”
“Taylor,” I asserted, nearly standing up. “She’s saying it to communicate how she feels, not to blame you.”
“I mean, I’m saying it for both,” Morgan replied, stone-faced. “Didn’t you want to blame someone when Joel broke up with you?”
“What? No, I didn’t blame Quinn,” Taylor immediately fired back. “You can ask him. I never did.”
“I’m talking about Abby.”
Taylor’s face turned into a pout and she looked away. “I don’t want to talk about this,” she said weakly.
That was as close to a ‘yes’ as we were going to get from her. I thought Morgan was going to back off, but she persisted. “What’s the best way to both let you know you’re my friend but also get it through your head that you keep doing things that upset me?”
It was so blunt and honest that it caught Taylor unaware. She turned back to Morgan and processed the words, and eventually she shrugged. “I dunno,” she said quietly.
“You’re going to move away soon,” I found myself saying. “Maybe some time away from Taylor, and maybe even me, will do some good for you.”
Morgan looked back at me with a sad expression. “I don’t want time away from either of you. I’m really scared that…” She stopped and looked to the ground.
I waited, but Taylor didn’t. “You’re really scared that what?”
Morgan shrugged. “That being away from me will make you forget about me. That you’ll find new friends, or new girlfriends, or something.”
Taylor moved next to Morgan and put her arm around her. “Morgan,” she sang. “You and me keep being friends no matter what happens, and that’s because we’re, like, such good friends. Nothing will keep us apart.”
Morgan’s expression just grew sadder. “But now we’re being pushed apart because of… well…”
“Because of me?” I offered.
I was almost scared. It was clear. I was the biggest threat to their friendship. I was the thing that would need to be eliminated if Taylor and Morgan were sick of the drama. If they wanted to keep their friendship going as smoothly as possible, there was one piece that didn’t fit into the puzzle, and that was me.
Morgan looked at me and, seemingly, read my mind. “Don’t you dare,” she said.
“It’s true though,” I replied softly. “Even if you two kept being close, if we took some time away from each other, I think it would help you two. It might even help us two, Morgan.”
I realized I was just sounding like Morgan did, right before she hit me. Being ominously calm and realizing the other person didn’t need me like they needed Taylor. It always came back to Taylor. Maybe it was time to talk without Taylor. After I finished, I whipped out my phone and texted Morgan.
Let me come over tomorrow. We can talk then. I think we’re wearing Taylor out.
While I was texting her, Taylor took over. “I think he’s right,” she gingerly offered. “Morgan, think about it. All this mess-”
“Shut up,” Morgan asserted. “No. No, no, no. This is not a solution. This will only make things worse, for everyone.”
“Hey Morgan, your phone is vibrating,” I chimed in.
“I don’t care.”
I rolled my eyes. “Morgan, I texted you, you genius, read it.”
Hey eyebrows met in a V with her anger, but she picked up the phone and read it.
“What does it say?” Taylor asked.
“Two geniuses,” I mused. “If I wanted you to know what I said, I would have just said it.”
Morgan finished reading what I said, and looked up at me with suspicion.
Taylor noticed Morgan’s look, and that was good enough for me. “So hey, let’s practice. Let’s at least try it out, maybe spend tomorrow away from each other.” I looked at Morgan meaningfully, trying to tell her without winking that I was lying to help satiate Taylor’s curiosity. “Do you mind if Taylor drives me back home?”
Morgan bit her lip. “Can I at least text you tomorrow?” she offered, clearly getting my facade.
“You can try, I’ll see if I feel up to answering,” I replied. “Are you okay with that?”
“I think so,” Morgan said with a nod. “Anything you need to say, Tay?”
“Yeah.” Taylor turned to me. “Fuck you for pulling this shit and telling Morgan we did that without clearing it with me first.” Upon seeing me start to object, she lifted a finger. “I get it, maybe it was even the right thing to do or whatever, but still, fuck you.” She turned to Morgan. “And yeah. We’re even.”
“Let’s try to keep it that way,” Morgan replied softly, and the two shared a hug. “I still love you. Gym on Monday?”
“Sure,” Taylor said with a half-smile, then went for the door. I looked back at Morgan, now alone on the couch, and decided now was the time to give her a wink.
She instantly smiled at me, and quickly hid it again when Taylor turned back around, demanding to know if I was ready to go. It was hard to break away from Morgan’s gaze as I left.
***
I stood on Morgan’s porch the next day, knocking on her door, the sound of the rain surrounding me. After a few seconds, Doug opened the door.
“You’re soaked,” he observed.
“It’s raining,” I countered. “Can I come in?”
“Uh, yeah, just hang up your jacket or something. Take your shoes off,” Doug replied, letting me in. I closed the door and shed some of my wetter clothing, then walked inside, still feeling the water coming off me.
“So, you’re here to see Morgan?” he asked. There was no mistaking the feeling in the undertone of his voice.
“Doug, I know everything,” I said meaningfully.
“What do you mean?” he asked innocently. I didn’t say anything, and he caught my gaze. After a few seconds, he dropped the act. “So, if you do, why the hell did you come back? Why do you even want to see her?”
“Because I know everything. Not just the bad stuff,” I replied. It was cheesy, but it also felt true.
He stared at me for a bit, then shrugged. “Okay,” he conceded. He walked to the stairs. “Morgan!” he yelled. “Quinn’s here for you.”
After about a minute, Morgan came downstairs, and the two of us quickly went to her room. We both walked in before either of us said anything.
“You’re soaked,” she observed.
“It’s raining,” I countered again.
“Couldn’t you get a ride or something?” she asked.
“With whom? Taylor? Doug? Both of those would be bad,” I pointed out.
Neither of us said anything for a bit, until finally Morgan sat down on the bed and sighed. “I’m glad to see you,” she offered in a small voice.
“It’s nice to see you too,” I replied.
“That’s not the same thing,” she noted, keeping her voice small, looking at the ground.
Silence took us for a few more seconds, until I started laughing nervously. “It’s crazy how many things we’re both feeling right now, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” she agreed.
“Do we need to talk about the events of last night?” I asked.
“No. I know what happened and details would just make me relive it,” she answered. “I’m not mad at you. Or her. Just fate.”
The tension in the room was palpable. I came here to talk to her, but now that I was in the room with her, I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t come here with a plan, or a point, or even anything more than a feeling. A feeling that I should just… be here with her, alone.
I took a few steps towards the bed and just looked at her. Slowly, she stood up from the bed, looking me in the eyes.
“I was thinking of you last night,” she breathed. “After you left.”
We stared at each other for a few seconds, sadly smiling at each other’s faces. Slowly and yet all of a sudden, our faces got closer and closer until we were sharing a slow, tender kiss.
“I missed you so much,” she practically cried when the kiss ended.
“It’s been maybe twelve hours,” I chuckle-whispered back.
“No,” she replied. “I missed you. The real you. The you that… belongs with me. Quinn, we belong together. I don’t want to take a break in college. I don’t want to need space. I just want you. Please. Please, please, please.” She hugged me and held me close, and I just held her.
We didn’t say anything more for a long time. We just held each other. After a bit, she broke away and kissed me again. “I blocked Arin on everything,” she began. “And I’ll never do it again. I don’t want to make that mistake again. I’ll be good. I’ll be so good to you. I don’t want to lose you.”
“Morgan, I’m a guy that you barely knew half a year ago,” I soothed her. “You don’t need me. No matter how bad things get, there’s always more life to live out there.”
“I don’t want more, I want what we have,” she replied with force. “Quinn, half a year ago I wasn’t happy. I was just going through the motions. I never got butterflies before. But with you, on our silly little dates, or at parties, or even when we fought, things felt like it mattered. I found out what butterflies even felt like. I have butterflies now. Please, please tell me you feel the butterflies too.”
I had to admit, I knew what the butterflies felt like, but they were… dulled right now. Was I supposed to tell her that, or not?
“I don’t know what I’m feeling,” I admitted. “This was all a lot. We’re both feeling different ways right now.”
Tears sprung into Morgan’s eyes. “What can I say to make things okay again?” she asked, getting choked up. “I don’t even need things to be like they were. They can be new, they can be totally new. I just need to undo what I did. I just need to say the right things. I just – I just -”
“You just need to calm down, for now,” I half-chuckled. “Let’s sit down.”
We sat down together on her bed, and held hands. I stroked my thumb across her knuckles, and she just stared at it. “Why are you… doing these things while telling me this?” she asked. “You’re kissing me, and stroking my hand, and telling me you’re not even sure if you feel the butterflies.”
“I want to kiss you, and it feels good, but there’s a lot of pain there,” I admitted. “And I’m trying to ask myself what I do feel. Do you want me to lie?”
She shook her head no, and looked down again. “Selfishly, I just want you to change, I guess,” she admitted. “Like, I just want you to magically want me again. Honesty time.”
“I don’t not want you,” I said instinctively.
“But you can’t say if you do want me,” she replied sadly.
“Morgan…” I nearly laughed in frustration. “These last few days have been a lot. A big part of me does kind of want to be single after all that. Like, I feel things for you, but I don’t know what they are, and I want to be single. You can’t expect me to suddenly have everything straight and know how to feel about all this even if you know what you want.”
“Yeah, but if I know what I want, and am ready to, like, make amends, I can do what I can to fix things,” she replied feebly.
“I’m not really sure that’s how this all works,” I said slowly.
“So what do you think is the best way this can work?” she asked.
I thought about it.
***
“I fucking hate bowling!” Lexi roared in frustration as she got her second gutterball in a row. “Why did we even come here?? This place sucks!!”
Four or five people were staring at us by the time Lexi grumpily took her seat. Milo got up to throw his ball, which left Crystal, Taylor, Morgan and myself sitting on the bench. Morgan was nuzzled into my chest, a place she didn’t leave unless she had to. I didn’t object; Morgan and I were still close. You could be close to someone without necessarily being their boyfriend. Taylor avoided eye contact with us as as much as she could; when she did catch herself looking at either of us, she’d blush and look at the floor. Crystal was resuming telling Lexi a story as if Lexi never left halfway through the story, nor had her outburst. Clearly, this was an average day for those two.
“Boom!” Milo cheered in celebration after getting a turkey. “God, I’m getting good at this.”
“You’re a boy, you’ve got stronger arms,” Taylor jeered. “This isn’t fair.”
“Quinn’s a boy, and he’s in last place,” he pointed out. “What’s his excuse?”
“To be fair,” I cut in dryly, “half of my body is numb every time I get up to bowl, thanks to the crushing weight that gets put on me every time I sit down.”
“Shut up,” Morgan lazily slurred back, poking me in the side.
“‘Broken up,’ my ass,” Lexi spat, not caring that she was cutting Crystal off. “You two’re more attached than ever.”
“People break up in different ways, Lexi,” Taylor replied to her swiftly. “Maybe they’re hurting. We shouldn’t judge, okay?”
“We shouldn’t judge? Coming from you?” Lexi challenged her.
“Coming from me, and everyone else here,” Taylor simply replied.
“Well, it’s dumb. You say you’re broken up, but here you are, doing more PDA than I’ve seen since… well I dunno, but you get my point.”
“Lexi…” I groaned, but Morgan slowly rose up from my side. She raised her hand as if to say, ‘I’ll handle this.’ She didn’t look quite like she could handle it, but that wasn’t helped by her general look – ever since she hit me that day and we… ‘broke up,’ I guess… she never wore any top other than her hoodie, and didn’t use makeup anymore. She joked about it being her ‘post-breakup look’ on the way to bowling.
“Lexi, I know this probably looks weird, or even like I’m compensating, and uh, that’s because I am. I’m hurting, and I’m bad at letting things go. And… uh…” Her voice wavered. She was clearly handling things less well than she’d planned. Tears were forming in the corners of her eyes, and she just froze, likely knowing that if she kept talking, she’d start crying.
“Oh jeez,” Lexi piped up upon seeing the tears. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, I, uh, I was stupid to butt in. You can do what you want. He’s your boyf- uh, he’s… um… yeah, he’s Quinn.”
“You’re so good at this,” Milo teased.
“Fuck off, it’s hard!” Lexi nearly shouted.
“Come on, did we come here to bowl or to bawl?” Crystal asked us, clearly trying to move things past the awkward moment. “Whose turn is it?”
“It’s Quinn’s,” Milo piped up again, and everyone noticed at the same time that Morgan had now buried her head onto my shoulder. Her shoulders were moving like she was crying, even though I knew that was just her trying to get her breathing back to normal so she wouldn’t cry.
“Oh, fuck,” Crystal murmured.
“Poor Morgan,” Taylor joined in.
“Want me to bowl for ya?” Milo asked me.
“Yeah, I could use the handicap,” I joked. “Thanks.”
Milo made a finger gun at me then sauntered up to the lane. I tapped Morgan on the head and quietly asked her, “How’re you doing?”
“I’m clearly getting worse,” she quietly said back into my clothes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to-”
“I know, I know, you told me, but it’s not like clinging to me wasn’t already giving them the impression,” I replied honestly. She didn’t say anything back, so I pressed on. “Was going to the gym with Taylor nice at least?”
She paused for a few seconds, then got up, and took my hand. “We’re going to get some hot dogs,” she declared to the group. “You all want anything?”
The girls and Milo all awkwardly shook their heads no. Morgan wasn’t playing today anyway, so it didn’t matter. I got up and the two of us walked towards the food counter, and crucially, away from the group.
“The worst part was, it was completely fine. It was like nothing even happened between us when it was just us two,” Morgan reported to me as the worker approached her at the counter. “Hi, could I please get two hot dogs? Thanks.”
“So it’s only awkward when I’m here, huh?” I noted uneasily.
Morgan’s eyes got misty again. “Stop,” she ordered with a quivering voice. “I’m only happy when you’re here too. I’d deal with every friend having an awkward history with you if it meant getting to have you around.”
“For a few weeks,” I noted. “We’re getting around that time, you know.”
Morgan gave a sad smile and looked to the ground. “I really hate that all that nasty stuff had to happen right before you got your letter from MIT. I was so proud of you, you know. I wanted to do something to celebrate.”
“Hey, you’re not doing so shabby yourself,” I replied. “UMass Amherst has a really good kinesiology program.”
She chuckled. “You can just say ‘UMass,’” she let me know. “And, I mean, we’re both going into the sciences, so at least we’ll have common ground to talk about.”
“Well, I mean…” I awkwardly started. “You’re going into health sciences, so…”
Her smile turned both genuine and challenging. “Oh, don’t you dare,” she mock-threatened me. The two of us laughed, then she paid for the hot dogs and we found a place to sit.
“Should we go back to the group…?” I asked.
“No, I want to eat here if that’s okay,” she replied. “Unless you really want to go back to them.”
“No, no, it’s okay,” I admitted.
“So, the plan is, after I get settled, I visit you. And you can visit me, if you want. Whenever you want.” She said it so plainly, so matter-of-factly.
“Well, I won’t have a car…” I uneasily replied.
“I will. Unless you’d prefer I not visit you. I can give you space if you want space.”
“I don’t know what I want,” I said slowly.
“I hate that,” she said, losing the friendliness to her voice.
“I know,” I replied quietly. “So do I.”
We ate in silence for a minute or two. “Thanks for the hot dog,” I eventually said.
“Yeah.”
“Y’know…” I awkwardly started. “The thought of losing you, o-or dating someone else, or us fading away from each other’s lives… It does suck. I don’t think I want that. But… nah, I shouldn’t say it.”
“You should,” she said tenderly.
“But… well, the idea of dating you makes me hesitate too. For now. I don’t even know where you fit in my mind.”
“I think I experienced the same feeling, actually, once,” she replied, finishing off her hot dog.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Remember during that night at Taylor’s, and you asked me to make a decision, whether we’d still be together?”
I thought for a second. “Yeah…” I slowly replied, recalling it. “Wait. You said yes.”
“Yes I did.”
“But, this isn’t like that. I’m not sure whether I’d be a yes or a no.”
“I know. But if you recall, you didn’t give me the option. I did tell you that I couldn’t make the decision.” She smiled bashfully. “You told me you wouldn’t accept that. You told me to either say yes or no.”
“So… what, you dated me even if you weren’t sure you wanted to be with me anymore?”
“Yup,” she said, plain as day.
“Wait, but… no, that doesn’t make sense,” I said, the cogs in my mind working overtime. “The next time we saw each other was at school. We kissed. You got me to ask you to be my girlfriend.”
“Yeah, and you may have noticed, I was a lot less involved in it than I am now,” she noted. “But, yeah. I took a chance on you. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, but told myself, if it was to be, it would… blossom, I guess. And if it wasn’t, I’d just break up with you.” She shivered. “You beat me to it,” she finished with a weak smile.
“So, the movie theater…?” I asked, not even realizing how much my heart was in this discussion.
Her smile turned genuine. “That was when I knew. That was the first time I knew.”
I sat back. “Huh,” was the only thing I could think to say. She took a shot on me, not knowing if she even wanted to, just to see what would happen.
“I suppose I should offer you the same courtesy,” I found myself saying out loud.
To my surprise, she shook her head no. “Expecting you to do that just because I did would be unfair,” she admitted. “I could have maybe hoped, but now that I told you the reason, I can’t ask it of you. That would be guilt-tripping.” She gave me a look and shrugged. “It’s context, I guess, but it was more to say, I know kind of where your head is at. Make the choice you’ll want to make, but I can’t, and won’t, force you. We’re adults, not kids. That’s why we’re going to college. You know what I want, you know what I did. And once you know what you want, you’ll do what you know you have to.” She got up and put her garbage in a nearby trash can, then approached me, still sitting down. “Just know that no matter what you’ll choose, you’ll always be special to me, somehow. I know we only really met in our last few weeks of high school, but you’ll always be my high school sweetheart.”
She leaned down and kissed me on the lips, then made a jokingly disgusted face. “Even if you do like mustard.”
I chuckled. “Thanks, Morgan. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“Yeah, I’ve given myself a lot to think about too,” she joked. “I’m sorry this situation has put a lot of pressure on you. Do what you want. I’ll be there for you.”
“Do you mind if I sit here alone for a bit? You should bowl for me.”
She smiled at me. “Sure.” She walked off, leaving me to stare at the table, thinking about everything she just said.
Not knowing what I wanted sucked. I couldn’t shake it, the feeling that Morgan was slipping away between my fingers, but I didn’t even know if I wanted to hold onto her. I didn’t know if I should do what she did and just bite the bullet and hope the relationship would work out. Hell, I wasn’t sure if a relationship could even go through that twice, certainly not after the strategy was laid out before both parties like that. I just had to make a decision about my life. I had to decide whether Morgan was going to be in it, or whether Morgan was going to attempt to be in it for as long as possible before inevitably giving up and fading away. Then we’d only have to look after ourselves in our own lives. It certainly sounded more peaceful… but…
But…
***
“But yeah, it’s been pretty normal with her,” Taylor admitted, flopping down on her beanbag chair. “Like, it’s weird. On one hand, it’s probably the most amount of drama we’ve been through. On the other, this is just how we, like, are. I bet if there wasn’t any drama between us for, like, three months, that would actually be worse for our friendship somehow.”
I nodded and sipped at the starbucks drink she got me, then took another sip. “Huh, this is pretty good,” I admitted. “What is this?”
“Iced coconut milk mocha macchiato,” she said as if that jumble of words came second nature to her. “It came out a few weeks ago. No joke, the first time I tried one, I was all, ‘oh, Quinn is gonna love this.’ Dunno why.”
“Wait, a beverage made you think of me?” I asked. “Why?”
“If only I had just answered that,” Taylor replied, eyelids lowered. She rolled her eyes and sipped her own beverage. “Anyway, how about you?”
“It’s hard to say,” I admitted. “Definitely way more complicated. On a whole we’re okay, but we keep talking about either what was or what will be. Never what is.”
“Ugh, if that isn’t a mood and a half,” Taylor moaned.
“I’m glad to hear you two are okay. I feel bad for the few times I scared you into thinking she’d drop you as a friend or something.”
“Oh, whatever. I was probably being melodramatic anyway,” she waved it off, whipping out her phone.
“Yeah, thank you. It’s actually really nice to hear you admit that, if I’m being honest,” I replied, still just awkwardly standing there.
Taylor took her eyes off her phone and a big grin spread on her chipmunk face, even with the straw still in her mouth. I hated how blinding and beautiful that smile was. “Hey Quinn, lil’ secret,” she told me. “When it’s Past Me and not Current Me, I’m as mean to myself as any other bitch.”
“Well, I don’t mean to be mean, just… critical,” I replied slowly, walking on eggshells.
“Cool, that’s what I meant, so yeah,” she replied. She sipped a little more, then admitted, “And speaking of, I’ve been thinking about stuff I said.” She sat up in the beanbag chair and I sat on the floor to face her. “It was probably uncool of me just to, like, bluntly say I’d never sleep with you again when she wasn’t even asking me, so I’m sorry.”
“Uh, hey, it’s cool, no worries,” I replied. “I mean, secrets were coming out anyway, and it’ll probably lead to less drama in the future.”
“I just, I meant what I said,” she kept going, as if I never said a word. “I don’t regret at all that we did it, but that felt… enough, you know? I’m happy we got to share that, and I think Morgan was kinda right, once we started, we kinda needed to see it through, even if it complicated things all to fuck. Sometimes I wonder if we should have hurried up and did it before you dated her.”
“I bet that would have just created different drama,” I replied.
She sipped from her straw. “Yeah, you’re probably right,” she admitted. “I guess I just wanted to say sorry for being, like…”
“Defensive?” I offered.
“I guess? More like… closed-minded. Like, we don’t know what’ll happen down the line. Maybe we’ll do something again if we happen to still see each other a lot. Who knows? Just definitely not like now.”
I moved my lips around in thought. “Taylor, to be completely honest, I want to ditch the ‘who knows.’”
She looked at me with a blank face, asking me wordlessly to continue.
“‘Who knows’ keeps everything ambiguous. You just talked about how important it was to just end things, some things, and not keep them going forever. The anticipation, the unknowing, the complications, it all leads to drama. If this is the way we’re going, I’d rather say ‘we’re going to stop now’ instead of saying ‘we’re going to stop for now.’ The future can still surprise us, but I’d rather go into it at least pretending to know what we want. Let’s admit that we enjoyed what happened, and that we want it to stop. No caveats or conditions. Just, ‘we’re going to stop now.’”
Taylor’s smile grew as I talked. “I think I actually like that, Quinn,” she murmured. “That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard from you. Give me a hug.”
She shot forward from the beanbag chair and gave me a warm, friendly hug. “I, like, totally agree,” she admitted. “That sounds like the best way to go forward with us. As, y’know, friends.”
“As friends,” I agreed.
Her smile got even bigger as she hugged me again.
***
“Okay,” I grunted, flexing my arm from lifting up a whole wardrobe. “What’s next?”
Morgan looked over all of her furniture tightly packed into the U-Haul. “I think that’s everything,” she commented, and sat down on the porch. I nearly collapsed alongside her. Physical labor wasn’t exactly my strong suit, but I agreed to help her, so I wanted to see the job done.
I panted a few times, looking over our handiwork. “So what’s next?”
“Tomorrow, Doug and I drive to my new place, and I leave with my stuff.”
“What, you’re doing both the packing and unpacking?” I asked. “That’s gotta be exhausting.”
Morgan chuckled and grabbed one of my hands, starting to play with it. “No, there’s some kind of program there. Some of the current student clubs help out with moving furniture in exchange for their time at the school clubs fair or something. It actually seems like a good system. I’ll be doing some of the lifting, but not all.”
“Oh, okay,” I replied with a nod. “Otherwise you’d ask me to come with you and help you there, I assume?”
“Oh come on, I’m not using you that much,” Morgan chuckled again, teasingly pushing my chest. Upon seeing her hand approach me, I winced and my hands went up in defense.
She paused, then quietly moved her hands back to her side. “…Can I put my arm on your shoulder?” she asked timidly.
“Yeah, of course,” I replied. “I’m sorry, I dunno why I reacted the way I did.”
“You’re saying sorry because I did something terrible once,” she scoffed, putting her arm around me. “Stop that. I should be the one to apologize every time you do that.”
“I mean, it wasn’t even that hard. It didn’t actually hurt… well, I mean, physically.” My voice was as small as her.
“Yo, move,” the assertive voice of Doug rang from behind us. I turned around to see him holding a box of something, and awkwardly shifted with Morgan’s arm around me to the edge of the porch. It didn’t give him enough room, so I lifted her arm off of me and walked off the porch to let Doug pass, then walked back, opting to remain standing.
“What’s in the box?” Morgan called out.
“Kitchen stuff. Mom and dad are giving it to you. They can tell you what’s in it,” he called back, finding a place to put it.
Morgan and I looked back at each other, now in front of each other instead of next to each other. “I don’t blame you,” I continued. “For anything. People get mad in certain ways.”
“I’ve never hit anyone before,” she replied.
“Maybe you never got that mad at someone before,” I replied. “I was being a little… confrontational.”
“You’re seriously going to blame yourself for me hitting you? And for getting scared if I ever playfully, like, push you?” She rolled her eyes, even if sorrowfully. “C’mon. It’s okay. I just hope it’ll go away. I don’t want it to ever happen again.”
“I think I’d rather be okay with it being a part of you at your worst if it ever does happen again,” I replied thoughtfully. “If I truly believe it’ll never happen again, and it happens, then what?”
“Then I never deserved you,” Morgan scoffed, looking away.
“You deserve a lot, Morgan.”
“You’re more than a lot.” She said it effortlessly, as if it were obvious. “Want to scan over my room one last time? In case we forgot anything.”
“Sure,” I said with a shrug, offering my hand to help her stand up. The two of us left Doug outside and went inside, kicking off our shoes.
“Hey, Morgan!” Mr. Jones’ voice rang from the kitchen. “Did you get the box?”
“Doug brought it out to the truck, yeah,” Morgan replied swiftly.
“Do you think it’s enough?” Mrs. Jones added. “We know the cooking area will likely be small, but…”
“I don’t know, I never got to see what was inside. Doug told me to ask you.”
“We told Doug to show you what was inside,” Mr. Jones said back annoyedly.
“Well, he didn’t do that,” Morgan replied.
“Can you go outside and ask him to-”
“Can it wait a bit?” Morgan asked impatiently. “I, uh, have one more thing I need to do.”
Mr. Jones snorted. “Sure,” he said with a clearly frustrated voice.
The two of us went upstairs, with Morgan taking the lead, me in tow. “Why couldn’t you just ask Doug?” I asked.
“I didn’t really want to talk to him right now,” she answered. “It’s going to turn into some kind of ‘I’m better than you and know more’ speech from him somehow, or something is going to be my fault when it isn’t, and I’m under a lot of pressure as it is, and I just wanted to come here where it’s either going to be silent or your voice.” She flopped down on the bed (which she was allowed to keep in this room since her new dorm came with a bed), and Cheesecake started noisily bouncing around in his cage. “Or Cheesecake.”
Morgan was clearly under a lot of stress. I wasn’t sure if she really stopped drinking, but whether she had or hadn’t, she never mentioned it and never was even tipsy around me anymore, so clearly she was putting in the effort. It was clear that a lot was going on in her life right now, and, dumbly, only at that moment was when something clicked.
It was easy to see me and her friend group as the only things in her life, but Morgan had a whole life she was dealing with, and clearly, a lot of pressure. Maybe just from her family, maybe more. Sure, there was cheating and insults and hitting and breakups, but I couldn’t look at it as only that one night. Maybe things at home had been difficult for a while. I never asked. Maybe she was feeling inadequate, and was too shy to outright say that, even with her blunt nature. I never asked. Maybe her being single was hitting her doubly hard because not only was she losing me, she was losing her biggest supporter unabashedly being there for her, even if I was hesitantly there for her in other ways.
I never asked.
“Why are you still around, anyway?” Morgan asked. “You can move in any time now, right? MIT is farther away. Why’d you stay?”
I shrugged. “To be honest, a lot of it is probably just Mother,” I answered. “You know her – she both wants me out of the house making something of myself as soon as possible, and wants me under her roof for as long as she can make me until I have to go.”
Morgan nodded. “Yeah, that sounds like her,” she admitted. “How is she lately? I haven’t seen her in a while.”
“Oh, she’s like she always is,” I admitted. “Probably stressed with the whole empty nest thing. Father is too, but he’s, uh… emotionally stunted, I think, if I’m being honest.”
Morgan sat up and nodded, listening intently.
“I mean, I had to get it from someone,” I laughed nervously.
“I don’t think you’re emotionally stunted at all,” she replied. “I think you’re actually more like your mom than your dad. In a good way.”
“My mom’s a tradition-or-nothing fascist,” I joked.
“What’s your dad?” she asked with a smirk.
“A crash test dummy in a suit that learned about emotions by reading a book once,” I laughed. “I guess, yeah. I certainly stir the pot like she does.”
“You have your moments,” Morgan agreed. “How did she react to learning that we broke up?”
My mouth opened immediately, then slowly closed.
It didn’t take long for Morgan to catch on. “You never told her,” she murmured.
I scratched the back of my head. “Just because of the nature of how we broke up, it seemed… unwise. Everything is so volatile right now, and it feels like how we’re adopting changes every week, if not every day, and…” I hung my head. “Yeah. I should have told her. I will soon, I promise.”
I lifted my head and, to my surprise, saw Morgan smiling sweetly. “No, it’s okay,” she nearly whispered. “This is actually… I dunno, it’s kind of sweet. It’s like the one still living memory of it we have.”
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy playing along every so often,” I admitted, sitting down next to her. “God, we’re weird.”
“We’re not weird, our friendship is,” Morgan replied, playing with my hand again. “And, y’know, I could deal with us never being boyfriend and girlfriend again if we can just have what we have now. I’d, like, miss it, obviously, but… I’m still really lucky.”
“We’re still really lucky,” I corrected her.
She nodded. “Boyfriend and girlfriend are just labels anyway. There are boyfriends and girlfriends that hate each other. There are friends that love each other more than most couples will ever love. Like, even romantically, not just… emotional love or whatever.” She turned my hand over and started tracing lines on my palm.
“And then there’s whatever we are,” I said jokingly. I didn’t know why, but towards the end of that sentence, it felt like my heart caught up into my throat. I looked at Morgan, and she looked up from my hand at me, and at once, we were kissing again.
We still kissed occasionally since the breakup, but it was getting rarer and rarer; it was like the reality of our breakup was only slowly settling in. Plus, our more recent kisses were getting more and more tame and polite, as opposed to passionate. Not like this. This was like… two teens that recently broke up, kissing in the girl’s room with both teens knowing it was going to be the last time they lived in the same city for a very long time.
Our kisses weren’t tame, nor polite. They were invasive, and hungry, and knowing. We knew our situation, and we knew what came next. We knew this would be the last time, and above all, we knew what we wanted. We had gone from embracing each other in our arms to me being on top of her, our lips locked, our tongues fighting, my pelvis grinding against hers. Our lips practically never left each other’s in that time.
As our lips departed, our eyes opened at the same time. Her beautiful green eyes carried a want – no, a need that needed to be fulfilled. Couple or not, and at this point, who the hell knew, it was clear that this felt right, and okay. This is what we both wanted.
“Do you feel it too?” I practically whispered.
“I want to have sex with you,” she agreed. “If you want it with me. If that’s too much, I understand.”
“No, it’s okay,” I reassured her. “Just as long as you know that it doesn’t mean-”
“It means us sharing this moment together, and that’s all I care about,” she breathed.
We kissed again, briefly, and broke away. Instead of changing at the same time, she just smiled as I took off my shirt.
“You look good,” she remarked.
I chuckled. It felt like our ‘breakup’ happened just recently, but a fair bit of time had actually elapsed. Long enough to make the break between meaningful, anyway. As silly as it seemed, us seeing each other naked again was a big thing for us. I jokingly flexed with my shirt off, knowing I didn’t really have any noticeable muscles or anything, but Morgan just chuckled and bit her lip.
“Oh come on,” I laughed. “There’s nothing here.”
“You’re you,” she said sweetly. “I’ve learned to see that as the most attractive thing ever.”
I smiled and shook her head. If we didn’t get back together, God help her next boyfriend. I took my pants and socks off, then stopped, motioning to her, smiling.
She gave a nervous smile and got up off the bed, fiddling with her blouse. I was glad to see her wearing something other than old hoodies again. She was even wearing makeup again, even if it was seemingly just for me today. When the blouse was off, she modeled herself in her bra and jeans, grabbing her hefty boobs and squeezing them a little, winking at me.
I shook my head, smiling. “They’re easier to work with without the bra in the way, you know.”
“Wow, good suggestion,” she sarcastically quipped, reaching behind her and undoing the bra. I could see her holding her breath and the bra fell off her chest, revealing her breasts in all their glory to me. Her nipples were clearly already hard, something that happened frequently after our kissing sessions. She resumed playing with her breasts for me, this time rolling her nipples between her fingers and closing her eyes sensually.
“It’s better when you play with them,” she breathed.
“Want to leave the pants on or off?” I asked.
“Get over here.”
Moments later, Morgan was up against the wall, moaning and cooing lightly as I kissed and licked her left nipple whilst playing with the right with my free hand. Morgan’s left hand was busy against the wall keeping her steady while her right was sliding up and down the crotch of my pants, tracing and rubbing over my dick print. She could definitely feel it moving and jumping in my pants, though to be fair, I could hear her heartbeat through her chest, and knew her pussy was throbbing too.
My tongue, lips, and teeth all worked tirelessly to make her moan, and soon she was, as loudly as she thought she could get away with given her parents were downstairs. We were used to being quieter when they were home, but given they knew we had broken up, today of all days wouldn’t have been a great day to get caught.
After a few minutes, Morgan gently brought my head up and then, suddenly, forced me against the wall, where she feverishly ground up against me and made out for a few more seconds. It was clear what was coming next.
“D-do you have…” I breathed once the kiss ended.
“Shit. Fuck,” Morgan cursed, then thought to herself.
“It’s okay, we can j-”
“No. Either you’re telling me to stop or this is happening,” Morgan insisted. “I don’t fucking care. Do you care?”
Morgan’s chest rose and fell with her breathing, and eventually her eyes got misty. I looked at her intently, probably mirroring her look. We both could see the look in each others’ eyes.
“We’re supposed to be safe,” I said weakly. “You could get pregnant. We’re going to different cities.”
“It’s a safe time in my cycle,” she replied quickly. “I can get a morning-after pill. I’ll handle it. We’ll be safe.”
A silence tore between us. “It’s either that or we stop,” she added.
“We’re really going to do this? As a choice?” I asked her.
“I think you already know the answer,” she replied. “Do you want me to convince you either way?”
I shook my head. “You’re taking care of everything, right? We’re being safe?” Morgan eagerly nodded and got onto the bed, laying down.
“Okay,” I cautiously replied, feeling giddy. We were going to have unprotected sex. I was going to be completely inside Morgan, on purpose. “From the front or from behind?” I asked.
“I want to look you in the eyes,” she requested. “If this is our last time…”
I was tempted to add, “And who knows if it is?” But that was a Who Knows. I needed to be a man of my word. The future will speak for itself, and our bodies will tell us when they’ve decided. In the here and now, we just knew that, whatever we were, we wanted this. Once we were in position we locked eyes, and smiled.
There was a nervousness I felt while lining myself up with her. It was similar to my first time. Our first time together. This heady giddy nervousness that made us smile as we locked eyes and I slid inside. I think Morgan felt it too, because I could see the giddiness in her face, and I could feel the eagerness throughout her whole body.
She shuddered, feeling me sink inside her. Her hand went down to her clit, instantly starting to play with it, her eyes going back. “Fuck,” she moaned.
I allowed her some time to get used to the intrusion then slowly began to move my hips back and forth, her little moans getting me into a good rhythm. I felt the joy of our entire relationship and beyond flood me as I’m sure Morgan felt the same feelings flooding her.
I gripped the bedsheets, working my hips for all they were worth to ram her. I knew how she liked it. This was Morgan’s favorite. I was Morgan’s favorite, and I was going to give her exactly what she wanted. Reaching forward, I gripped her neck, making sure to put pressure at the sides of her neck. Morgan adopted this cute longing look as she realized what I was doing.
“Look at you, being confident…” she moaned.
“You want it,” I growled back.
Her hands went up to stroke my arms, feel my chest, anything she could do to feel close to me. She started audibly moaning, her body shaking. Her eyes refocused on mine, and her face transformed into a squinty smile, even with my hand on her neck.
“That all you got?” she purred. Her pelvis started going up to meet mine, challenging me. Both her words and her body were asking me who was in charge, and I was determined to win this battle.
I moved my hips back more, slamming into her, making the bed itself start to move. I took my hand off of her throat, looked at her cocky smile, and playfully yet with just enough force, slapped her across the face. She instantly moaned and arched her back, enjoying herself thoroughly.
“Who owns you?” I demanded.
Her eyes refocused. “Who? Nobody. We broke up, remember?”
“Don’t play games,” I told her, slamming into her particularly hard for full effect. “You already know in your heart. Use your words, Morgan. Who has full access to your body?”
“Ungghhh…” she moaned, feeling a wave of pleasure take up her body. “You do, Quinnnn…”
I moved my hips around while inside her, stopping my thrusting for just a moment, letting her feel me fully in her for a few seconds more. “And why do I have full access?”
“Because I’m yoursss…” she moaned. “I’m your slut, Quinn. I’m your anything. Your friend, your fuckbuddy, your soulmate. Fucking name it, I’m yours.”
I smiled, and kissed her deeply. “Good girl,” I growled before resuming my act. With every thrust, Morgan was beginning to grip me more and more tightly. Every slam of my dick inside of her tight, eager, beautiful pussy made it more and more clear that Morgan was about to climax.
Morgan made a new sound I’d never heard from her before as she came. It was indescribable. It was like a mix of rapture and pure fulfillment. I felt her body practically vibrating on the bed, feeling her inner walls ripple, and knew that if I didn’t get off too, she’d always remember that about this last hoorah of ours. So I kept going, lowering my head, knowing her climax was still surging through her but hoping she’d still enjoy my continued efforts as I now focused just a little more on myself.
I felt her hot breath on my ear as I kept going. “Do it, Quinn,” she whispered. “Fuck me. I want you to cum for me. Please. I want to remember this moment forever. This is so special to me. You’re so special to me.”
Her words kept me going, and right when I was getting close, I felt a surge of realization hit me. I knew in my head that this was going to be our last time for a while, even if we got back together later on, but only now did my heart know. This was us saying goodbye to each other, or at least, promising to see each other later.
“I… I love you, Morgan…” I managed.
“I love you too,” she moaned with no hesitation. “I always will. I’m so happy we’re here, like this. Please… please do it.”
My mind was in a fog, a fog named Morgan. Just as much as she was mine, I was hers, and we both knew it. Our lives belonged to each other, even if they wouldn’t in the future. We were here, now, with each other, and it was everything we needed. All of the pain of our worst moments, all of the awkwardness, all of the drama, and the thought of anyone else, all melted away when I felt my orgasm approach.
I’m sure I made an equally dumb sound when I shot my load inside her. One thing was for sure: it felt like the largest load I’d ever shot in my life. And it was inside Morgan. I almost lamented it being the last time with her for a second, but just as the biggest wave of pleasure hit me, I could hear a little voice in my imagination telling me:
“You don’t actually think this is going to be your last time with her, do you? Come on.”
I came down from my high, breathing and wheezing, feeling her supportive hands caressing my back. My lips were lazily leaving little kisses on her neck between breaths. Our skin was covered in a sheen of sweat, our hair all over the place.
Morgan spoke first, once our breathing had calmed down. “What a note to end on. I’m so happy we did this.”
“I bet your parents heard what we did…” I nervously replied.
I slid out of her and collapsed next to her as she shrugged. “They were teenagers once. I’m sure they get this stuff is complicated. They’re probably not thrilled if they just heard their daughter doing it, but… who cares?”
I turned to her and grinned. “Why do I feel like you never had that attitude with any other person you’ve been with?”
She grinned back, still staring at the ceiling. “Ha, yup. You got it.” She shifted to look at me. “I assume this doesn’t change what we are…?”
“Do you think it does?” I asked.
She shook her head no with a slight smile. “I don’t think so, still feels like limbo to me. I just wanted to check.”
“Limbo sounds good for now. Feelings are so complex.”
“Fuck brains.”
I chuckled. “Yup, fuck brains.” I paused, then looked back at the ceiling. “Can I be cheesy for a bit?”
“Go ahead.”
“I feel like our souls have already figured it out,” I started slowly. “I think they already know what’s in store for us, but it just takes a while to reach our minds and bodies. I think our souls have made the decision, and we’ll just find out what that decision is.”
“Hmm,” she hummed. “Yeah, that was cheesy.” We shared a chuckle. “I hope our bodies and minds catch up quickly then.”
We lay there for a bit and started spooning when she sighed happily. “I think I know what you mean,” she said.
“Yeah?”
“I think it doesn’t come all at once. Like, I don’t know if it’s in our destiny to be boyfriend and girlfriend again, but…”
“We’re still going to be very involved in each other’s lives, yeah,” I finished softly.
She turned back to look at me. “That was, no lie, almost word for word what I was going to say.” She kissed me on the nose, then turned back around. “We should probably get dressed soon. Even if they didn’t hear, mom and dad probably have more things for us to do.”
“We have a whole future to prepare for,” I added.
“I’m excited,” Morgan nearly whispered. And, to be honest, I got it. I was too. Once I calmed down from my orgasm, I expected the pain of our past to come back to me – it hung like a cloud over me ever since our fight – but… it hadn’t come back yet. Maybe it was gone. Maybe this was our time to move on and become… whatever we were going to become next. It was going to be nothing like what we were before, but that was okay.
“And…” she added, impossibly even quieter than before. “…Thanks for not giving up on me. I know I gave you a lot of reasons.”
“You gave me more reasons to stay,” I told her warmly. “That’s why I’m still here. And even when you move away, I’ll still be here.”
She turned back. “Here?” she asked jokingly, motioning around her room.
I shook my head no. “Here,” I replied emphatically, pointing to her heart.
She grinned and lifted her head up fully, throwing her pillow at me. “That was the cheesiest shit ever!” she complained with a laugh. I laughed too, but I was also happy. I didn’t wince when she threw the pillow. I didn’t feel the need to defend myself. I just… felt fine. I felt really fine.
It was crazy how, only a few months ago, I would have given up anything to be someone else. I wasn’t excited to be me. I guess I was still looking forward to being someone else at this point, but that was because I was looking forward to seeing who I was going to become, knowing Morgan was still in my life, knowing that we didn’t lose each other after all. I was excited to be me, and I was excited to see what kind of me I would be in the future. Even if I was moving away, I knew that I had friends like Taylor and Lexi and Milo and Crystal. And after a lengthy test of our bond, I had Morgan. And we were going to discover our futures together, being there for each other every step of the way.
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Author’s Note: Thank you for taking the time to read this story! I hope you enjoyed it, and liked the ending. Any and all feedback is appreciated.
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