Kate & Jim

Katherine once was an insufferable shrew of a wife married to a two-timing cheating wimp of a man for almost 16 years.

Jim is a wrecking yard owner and scrap dealer. He comes from a long line of lawyers, doctors, and family members in the diplomatic corps. He has three brothers and one sister in those professions. Jim absolutely loves his work, especially the hard physical labor involved.

Jim is a plain man bordering on homely. He is also built like a fireplug wrapped in muscles and is as strong as an ox. Jim’s intellect is as sharp as a virgin scalpel. He plays it down to his advantage so that people will underestimate him. He finds their lack of insight amusing.

Jim and Katherine were neighbors for almost ten years when unforeseen events devastated Katherine’s life. She is a very pretty woman with shoulder blade-length copper red hair and green eyes. Katherine has freckles that decorate her lithe and trim figure which she used to hate them.

Jim started calling her Kate to annoy her, the reference being the Kate from Shakespeare’s “The Taming of the Shrew”.

At first, Katherine had no idea of the inference, or the fact Jim attended private schools, followed by college to earn a six year degree. Kate was a pretty thorn in his side, while Jim was a thorn in hers until she moved in with him.

Kate has nothing to go back to because she came from nothing, growing up in a shabby trailer court in an immaculately clean rundown trailer in central Florida. Kate lived in that tiny abode with her mother, grandmother and grandfather, Kate’s father leaving when she was five. Her grandpa Jack taught her the fine sport of billiards in the recreation hall of the trailer court.

Grandpa Jack was a scoundrel in his younger days, making a living as pool shark; he taught Katherine well. Katherine’s grandpa Jack loved Kate more than anything in the world and died when Kate was thirteen followed by Kate’s mother who was killed by a bus walking to work when Kate was fifteen.

An honor student, Kate dropped out of school to work full time so that she could care for her grandmother. At nineteen, Kate married a man almost twenty years her senior and moved with him to New York.

Kate’s ex-husband, the passive aggressive wimp, ruined her finances and reputation. He left her nothing but the clothes on her back when the house from the divorce settlement literally burned to the ground destroying all of the contents.

The fire marshal deemed the suspicious fire as arson. Katherine was the prime suspect in the ensuing police investigation that led to a grand jury hearing and subsequent bench trial culminating in a plea deal out of desperation.

Kate’s husband, Thomas, is no doubt laughing his proverbial ass off in his Villa in Costa Rica with his new young bride who would be Thomas’s age of 55 subtract 40.

Thomas planned everything with the precision of an atomic clock. He took three mortgages plus several loans against the house forging Kate’s name. He opened and charged to the max on multiple credit cards letting the balances accumulate interest and late payments ruining her credit.

To make matters worse, the home owners insurance was cancelled without her knowledge a week before the fire was deliberately set. Katherine was in Florida on a bi-yearly trip visiting with her Grandmother in the nursing home.

Kate’s bank accounts were frozen shortly after the fire by the Internal Revenue Service as were her credit cards. To compound her problems, Kate received a letter from the Internal Revenue Service demanding payment for 7 years of unpaid joint taxes; her husband is untouchable in Costa Rica or so he thought.

Their story begins in Jim’s driveway the day after Katherine was sentenced to five years probation.

Jim was rebuilding the engine of his restored 1969 Plymouth Road Runner and the silence of no Kate to complain was bliss to his ears.

Kate or Katherine, whatever you prefer was in one dandy of a mess. Jim saw an opportunity to have a clean house not to mention a piece of ass on the side.

*****************************************

“So let me get this straight, Kate, as a condition of your probation you are required to have a place to live with valid mailing address.”

“We have been neighbors for 10 years, Jim. I know we have our differences but I have always thought of you as a good man. Your business sponsors several youth sport teams and you coach your own little league team. You have such a big house and it is just you living here.”

“Why should I, Kate? You and I never got along, but assuming I agreed. I will wash your mouth out with soap if you talk to me the way you did to your husband.

Afterward you wouldn’t be able to sit for a week when I finished spanking your tight little ass. You are hard on the ears but nice on the eyes, pretty Kate.

How many times have you complained to me for working on my cars on my own property, or because the leaves from my oak trees blew in your yard, an act of nature; or because I threw snow on your yard with my snow blower….ridiculous nonsense like that? Your bull shit list of complaints over the years has been endless.”

“I know I went a little overboard as a neighborhood activist but if you don’t agree the alternative for me is prison. I can’t find a job yet to suit my station. I promise you won’t even know I’m around.”

“Suit your station? That’s a good one, Kate” Jim said laughing. You could tell from the look on her face that Katherine wasn’t accustomed to being laughed at.

“I’ll be dipped, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,” Jim continued to laugh at her, “Suits your station, ha, ha, ha, ha…make yourself useful your Eminence. Please hand me the 3/4” open end box wrench in the third drawer from the top of the tool chest behind you.”

Kate was thinking, ‘You are a homely unfeeling crude beast, Jim Brady. I paid you a compliment about youth sports and you basically being a good man and I meant it…..if I were your wife indeed; fat chance of that ever happening.

Just try washing my mouth out with soap and spanking my bottom you brutish ogre. You are nothing but a junk man trying to live above your station in life with the biggest house on the street and it’s not fair.

I never graduated high school but neither did you Mr. Junk Man.’ (a wrong assumption on Kate’s part) ‘To think I have sunk so low that I have to come begging to you for a place to live.’

But in the end what could she do. Kate swallowed her pride and said, “You have to believe me Jim I didn’t do it. I’m not that kind of person.”

“I listened to you talk for the past hour. Are you done?”

“Yes, I…” Jim interrupted, “Good, now shut your yap and listen for a change.

I believe you pretty Kate,” Jim said wiping his hands on a shop towel as he walked over to her, “It is an election year and the district attorney saw a slam dunk case when he brought your case quickly to trial. You were distraught having lost everything and took a plea deal.

You can be a first class bitch do you know that Ms. self-appointed neighborhood activist. I often got the impression you think your shit doesn’t stink.

Don’t mistake for a minute I don’t know you look down on me. I’m just a common uneducated junk man to you with dirty hands who has his junk cars cluttering up an otherwise compliant neighborhood.

At times you can be an insufferable shrew. That being said I do not doubt your veracity or misguided good intentions.
I don’t believe you did it. I believe you are basically a good person who likes to put on airs.

I also think it is a shame your so called friends and compliant neighbors, the one’s you managed to bully, turned their backs on you the way they did.

But lucky me; I’m your last choice. How sad is that.

In your defense your husband did you wrong. Thomas wasn’t much of a man to begin with so there is no great loss there. Why an obviously intelligent woman like you would marry a man who was so much older is beyond me. You have every legal right to divorce him; however, Thomas has no moral right to do what he did to you.

Like it or not the courts decide divorce settlements no matter the outcome. You didn’t do too badly there until your ex-husband got his revenge. I believe he is behind everything.

It is said that women marry men thinking that they can change them. That is why I never married.

It is also said that men marry women hoping that their bride will never change.

I will never change. I doubt you will ever learn to curb your mouth unless someone tames your tight little ass.

Despite your acid tongue, I have often wondered if there is a tender woman’s heart beating in your chest, a heart as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. I have been enjoying the view of you ever since you moved here.

If you are offended by my assessment too damn bad. I’m no prize either and I’m anything but handsome. Granted I’m rough around the edges and blunt, perhaps even crude in your eyes.

But I’m an honest troll…nothing like your former piss ant passive aggressive husband Thomas the investment broker with his soft clean hands and manicured nails.

Tell me the truth, am I your last choice, Kate?”

“I won’t lie, yes; I’m just looking for a fresh start.”

“Excellent, I respect honesty even when it’s directed at me. You have just gone up a notch in my eyes.

Let’s get down to the nuts and bolts; how much money do you owe the half-ass attorney that allowed a plea deal?”

“I owe him twelve grand.”

“Do you owe anyone else money?”

“I filed bankruptcy for everything else except for what the IRS says I owe them. Bankruptcy doesn’t cover that. I need to meet the terms of my probation to stay out of jail.”

“I’ll cover the attorney bill in consideration for your housekeeping expertise.

You can move into the first floor Master bedroom with the attached bathroom my mother used when she was visiting. This will allow you privacy, and I am sure you will be more than comfortable.

Nobody alive I know can keep a house like my Mom used to in her day. Nevertheless I believe you can do a far better job at it than me

I know your house was spotless, Kate. By reputation and the one time you tricked me into attending a neighborhood meeting when my junk cars were the main topic of conversation. It was very clever of you to keep it as the last item on the agenda while you plied me with coffee and coffee cake to soften me up. I never saw it coming.

“Thank you.”

“How old are you Kate?”

“I’ll be 36 in five months.”

“What day in September?”

“The eighth.”

“If that doesn’t beat all, we have the same birthday; I’ll be 37 on the 8th of September,” Jim said laughing, “You can bake us a cake. If that coffee cake you served is any indication I know you can cook.”

“Of course I can cook.”

“I just said that….I need a housekeeper who can a cook. You will fit the bill nicely. Better yet make that a surrogate wife.

It will be a pleasure to have a pretty woman around the house to look at. You will get room and board plus $ 50.00 a week in spending money, provided you learn to keep your yap shut.”

Kate was seething and trying to bite her tongue thinking, ‘room and board? Fifty dollars you smug bastard…surrogate wife! Who are you to tell me I can’t express my opinions. How dare you, you troll…. only when pigs can fly.’

I will send your attorney $250.00 a week until his bill is paid. After your attorney’s bill is satisfied your wages will be fourteen hundred a month in addition to room and board. This pretty much means that you will have the run of the house.

That should satisfy the conditions of your probation. You now have a place to live and are gainfully employed. I don’t think we require a written contract. There is no need to thank me as it will be an equitable deal for the both of us.”

“What duties other than cooking and cleaning do you require?” Kate asked sweetly.”

“As I said, you are a pretty woman, Kate. I might want to roll in the sack on occasion as any good wife would do as part of her wifely duties. At least until your attorney is paid.”

“Don’t think for a second I will ever let you put your coarse dirty hands on me. You probably can’t get it up you ugly beast. It’s no wonder why you never married. I’ll bet you a year wages that your tiny weenie is a joke. Do you think I’m some kind of high class whore?”

“I never said or even implied that you emasculating shrew.

I never used the word “high class”.

What a shame you are such a frigid, unfeeling, ungrateful bitch. What a shame your beauty is only skin deep. I take back what I said about a woman’s heart.

I’ll bet my left testicle you never had an orgasm in your life.

I also doubt you’ve ever been with a real man. A good fucking followed by an honest orgasm might thaw you out some. It might do you some good; now you will never know.”

“You conceited egotistical troll, you a real man? Don’t make me laugh, ogre! If your imagined libido was as huge as your enormous ego your little cock would still only be 1 ½ inches long, assuming you can manage to get it up.

“Who do you think you are some kind of satire? Why are you laughing, asshole? Stop laughing at me!”

“The word is satyr, Kate, not satire. Satire is a literary work in which human vices or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit. It can be of a verbal nature such as you just unsuccessfully attempted.

While a satyr is a mythical manlike woodland creature from Greek mythology depicted as having the pointed ears of a goat, the short horns of a goat on his head; the short tail of a goat and the hairy legs of a goat ending in hooves. I’ll only concede I’m an ugly man going bald,” Jim ran his hand over his close cropped bristly head, “minus the mentioned appendages of genus Capra.”

Jim grabbed Kate roughly and kissed her lips making her eyes get big. Kate gasped and sputtered with surprise and indignation, thinking, ‘He has been playing with me all along. Nothing I said rattled him. Nothing I said got through his thick troll skin.’

“You…you can go to hell you smug bastard. I’d rather go to prison!” and with that Kate picked up her donated Salvation Army suitcase full of used clothing from the same and walked away.

*********************************************

It was almost midnight when Jim’s doorbell rang and he leisurely got out of bed. He put on his robe to answer the door.

When Jim opened it, “I’m not going to beg. Is the job still open?”

“Well, hello, Kate.”

“Hello, Sir, may I come in?”

“Of course you may. Let me take your suitcase,” and Jim did, leading Kate into the kitchen. He pulled out a chair for her to sit down.

“Have you been crying, Kate, you look terrible.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Fine, are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?”

“No thank you, Sir. Why do you insist on calling me Kate when my name is Katherine?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Kate.”

“Fine, you’re the boss, Sir.”

“Well you woke me up. I’m going to make myself a cup of Earl Grey tea to have with some short bread cookies. Would you like a cup?

“Yes, Please.” She gladly accepted as it was her favorite tea, and his.

“What happened to calling me Jim?”

“That wouldn’t be proper, Sir.”

“I can live with that. Call me Sir if you wish.”

“Then… you are going to hire me?”

“Of course, we share the same birthday and as I said, you are a pretty woman and a delight to my eyes.”

“What if I wasn’t a beautiful woman? Would you still hire me?”

“There you see, we do agree on something.”

“What do we agree on?”

“That you are a beautiful woman…….ah hah!”

“Now what’s the matter?”

“Stop pretending that you can’t smile…..you is still pretending…..that’s better…..very nice.”

They sat quietly for a time in the kitchen sipping their tea. Jim pretended not to notice that Kate ate most of the cookies, finally, “It’s getting late, Kate. Let me show you to your room.”

********************************************

Kate lay on the bed without bothering to undress or unpack her suitcase. Earlier she cried her eyes out. She was absolutely drained and exhausted from worry that Jim wouldn’t take her in.

Kate was thinking, ‘I’m surprised Jim didn’t to rub my nose in it…..the hell with him. The troll only wants one thing from me, sex. I’m not going to change for anybody. I’ll call them as I see them…..I’ll just have to be extra careful around him; the troll really would spank me.

I also better get accustomed to being called Kate.’

Kate woke up late the next morning feeling refreshed if somewhat momentarily puzzled. Someone, Jim, had taken off her shoes and covered her with a cotton quilt while she slept. Jim also unpacked her suitcase putting everything in the closet or dressers.

‘Well I guess the troll saw my “GPS” ankle bracelet. I can deal with everything else but this is so humiliating. I’m not some kind of wild animal or dangerous career criminal or rapist. I was going to tell him.’

Kate went looking for Jim and found a note on the refrigerator addressed to her, “Dear Kate, I’ll be overseeing Little League tryouts for most of the day.

Look around and get used to the house. You may have noticed there are no locks on any of the inside doors. I’m not being sarcastic. Help yourself to whatever you need and make yourself at home, Sincerely, Jim.”

Kate made herself a poached egg on wheat toast along with a banana for breakfast before taking her shower.

She was pleasantly surprised and then mildly annoyed to find her bathroom freshly stocked with towels, washcloths and toiletries. ‘What an ego the troll has to assume that she would come crawling back.’

That was Kate’s wrong assumption. Jim’s intentions were good even though he guessed right that Kate would be back. He knew Kate was in a hard way; just as he knew somebody close to her case.

There were several brands and types of shampoos and conditioners for Kate to choose, as well as ladies razors, shaving creams or gels. Kate found several styles of toothbrushes and different brands of toothpaste.

Then there were the soaps, however, not just any common brand of store bought soap. Jim bought Kate locally made hard milled organic soaps by Hawk Moon Soaps with names such as Pink Clover. The wrapper described this soap having a light fruity and floral combination with fresh jasmine, lily of the valley, violets and lavender topped off with notes of fresh ripe peaches and raspberries.

There was Jamaican Sunset, Slice of Summer, Powder Room, Red Ripe Raspberry, Mystic, Spring Lilac Herbal and Scented Goat Milk. There was Sun Shower, Sweet Grass & Sage and finally, Country Almond Oat.

Jim is a practical man and planned on using any or all of the soaps that she didn’t like.

Kate was thinking, ‘the troll can go to hell if he thinks I’m impressed or I can be bought this easy.’ Despite the fact, Kate was secretly pleased.

Kate took a leisurely shower. She dressed and explored her new home for at least the next year. Going room to room Kate was thinking, ‘The décor and color scheme in most of the rooms in this house are very masculine in flavor and seem to emanate testosterone.

All the furniture is heavy and massive. It looks to be very comfortable. This must be his favorite chair,’ and with that Kate dropped down into the well worn but lovingly cared for brown leather chair putting her feet on the matching ottoman.

‘Just try laying a hand on me Mr. Troll,” she thought punching the arm of the chair, ‘I bite as well as bark.’

Kate sat there for a moment imagining that this was her house with Jim as her indentured servant. Jim was wearing a long blond wig and dressed in a French Maid’s Uniform serving her tea.

This thought had Kate grinning from ear to ear. “This tea is tepid,” she said out loud while pretending to pour the tea from an imaginary cup to the floor, “bring me a fresh hot cup immediately and clean up this mess! You can then stand in the corner, sissy boy. When I’m done with my tea you will be spanked again with my hairbrush,” and this caused Kate to get silly and laugh out loud.

‘If nothing else the sissy boy’s mother has good taste. I love the way my room is decorated and furnished. It is almost if I decorated it myself. It will be my safe haven in a storm.’

Kate decided the house cleaning duties wouldn’t be so bad since the floors were finished wood with carpets. The kitchen and bathroom floors were tile. With the exception of her room, the wood floors had the oval sectional rag wool carpets of Jim’s rustic and masculine taste.

Kate’s room had a genuine hand woven wool oriental rug. There was a genuine Tiffany floor lamp next to the huge floral and cherub carved mahogany poster bed that was the centerpiece of the room. There was a matching Tiffany table lamp on her makeup vanity table with the carved mirror and matching carved chair. Add the lace curtains and the heavy brocade drapes on her bed, that where identical to the canopy and curtains …perfect.

There was a mahogany floor to ceiling wardrobe with mirrors on the inside of the doors. There were two dressers of mahogany carved to match the rest of the bedroom furniture.

Kate explored the three story house, a historical landmark, and a house that she secretly coveted. Kate went from top to bottom; from stem to stern looking through every closet and drawer. Kate even went up in the enclosed widow’s walk going outside on the roof near the railing to look over the neighborhood through Jim’s Swarovski binoculars and telescope. Kate didn’t recognize the brand but she recognized their quality when she handled them.

No doubt the troll wanted the house cleaned from top to bottom and stem to stern and here is where Kate started after going downstairs for the Murphy’s Oil soap, a bucket of warm water, rags, glass cleaner, paper towels, a broom and dustpan.

Kate cleaned the inside of the widow’s walk from ceiling to floor, returning with glass cleaner to do the windows inside and out. Kate noticed one of the windows was sticking. She would have to talk to Jim about that.

Next Kate tackled the finished attic, opening the windows on both ends for a cross breeze.

‘This attic is a disgrace,’ she thought, ‘just look at all this dust and clutter; boxes scattered about including on top of the billiard table.’

Kate moved boxes and swept and dusted. Kate then vacuumed intending to wash walls and mop the floor after checking in with her Probation Officer. Kate lifted the corner of the nylon tarp to check the surface of the pool table. She was pleased to see it still in excellent condition. Kate loved playing pool and was quite good at it; as it turned out much better than Jim.

Kate went to the kitchen to make to the telephone call to get his voice mail. She reasoned that was good enough for now. Being a little hungry Kate ate another banana, a can of tuna with celery, red onion, lemon juice, black pepper mixed in on top of saltine crackers.

She drank three glasses of water while sitting at the table and compiling the grocery list. She reasoned that it would be good to get into her routine again even if it wasn’t her real home.

Kate made a mental note to discuss removing all the contents from the beat up cardboard boxes and plastic garbage bags in the attic and put everything into plastic storage tubs with lids so that they could be stacked. It wouldn’t hurt to label them as well.

About the time she finished the attic, Kate heard cars pull in the driveway and the loud noise of excited youthful commotion that could only be boys. Looking out the window she saw dozen boys of all shapes and sizes with groceries bags in hand piling out of Jim’s Chevy Van and four more boys get out of a black sedan.

The last person to get out of the sedan was Robert Jervis. Kate thought, ’great, just my luck.”

They already had the grill out of the garage, the ice chest full of ice and soda pop before Kate got outside to talk with her young Probation Officer, Robert Jervis; he couldn’t be more than twenty-two or twenty-three at the most and he was all hardnosed business. In Kate’s mind she was being bossed around by an insufferable child who was too big for his britches.

When she approached him, “I’ll be with you in a minute, Ms. Ryan.”Kate was using her maiden name of Ryan now, “I’m not here on official business…..OK, you boy’s line up behind your Coach and then we need a show of hands of who needs a baseball glove…pay attention, Sam.”

He then turned to Kate and said, “We will talk after we bring the boys home, Ms. Ryan,” and Kate wondered why the change in attitude. He was addressing her as Ms. Ryan instead of Katherine.

In the mean time more boys showed up and immediately got in line behind Jim or Robert. These boys were wearing their team’s uniform from the previous year.

“You players pair-off with a boy in uniform,” Jim said, “he is going to be your practice buddy for the entire season…..what did you say, Sam?….. Yes, after you are paired off and get your glove we will have hotdogs and hamburgers…..Yes, Sam, we will be having soda-pop too……yes, Sam, everybody is going to get a uniform but not today…..

*************************************

Kate went into the house to get cleaned up to be ready with her meeting with her Probation Officer. It was after dark until Officer Jarvis came inside. He seemed to be in good spirits.

“Coach is driving the boys home who don’t have a ride.”

“Who is Coach?” Kate asked.

“Coach Brady,” Officer Jervis replied, “I assumed you knew. Jim was my Little League coach. Normally all the best players are picked first. Coach and I pick the boys we know nobody else wants; the misfits. We mix them in with the better players from the previous seasons who stick around to mentor; the buddy system.

Some of the new boys will lose interest and quit early but most stick around to become adequate or good players with the occasional outstanding player emerging from the mix.

I was lousy when Coach picked me. I am merely adequate now. Our team seldom won any games but we were a tight group. We learned the most important lesson of all; to have each other’s back covered.

There were no stars on our team. Everybody got to play. I have my own team now and I follow Coach’s philosophy.”

“As you can see Officer Jervis, I am in compliance. I work for Mr. Brady as his live-in housekeeper. I still contend that I’m innocent.”

“Yes, Coach and I discussed your case in great detail.”

“What do you mean in great detail?” Kate asked starting to get angry, “What business is it of his?”

“Your trial is a matter of public record, Ms. Ryan. Coach has copies of the trial transcripts. I didn’t give Coach any personal information about you if that is what you are worried about and he didn’t ask.”

“I had no idea that trial transcripts are that easily available, Officer Jervis.”

They’re not; access generally requires a written Freedom of Information request and that takes time.”

“Then how did Mr. Brady get them so quickly?”

“I have no idea….perhaps because he is Coach. I caught hell for referring to you by your first name, Ms. Ryan and I apologize.

Coach explained it was disrespectful and unprofessional of me to address a mature woman in such a manner.

‘A mature woman,” Kate thought, ready to kill the troll.

I also read the transcripts of your trial. I’m not supposed to take a stance one way or the other. Off the record I don’t believe you did it either now, Ms. Ryan. The good news is that I do have some discretion in the administration of your probation. You will no longer be required to wear the “GPS” ankle bracelet.”

“Thank you, Officer Jervis.”

“You are welcome, Ms. Ryan.”

******************************************

There was a dark storm cloud gathering above Kate’s head in the kitchen as she waited for Jim to return.

When Jim walked into the kitchen, “Hello Kate, I trust you slept well?”

“Yes, thank you for asking, Sir.”

“Do you like your bedroom?”

“It’s adequate, Sir.”

“I see, just adequate,” Jim said, shaking his head in annoyance, “I also see that you are still fixated on calling me Sir?”

“Yes, Sir, I’m trying to be professional about it unlike some people.”

“Alright, what’s bothering you, Kate?”

“May I speak my mind without fear of being beaten or fired, Sir?”

“You may.”

“And you won’t wash my mouth out with soap.”

“No, spit it out,” he said grinning.

“Don’t think for a minute that you can buy me so cheaply.”

“Are you dissatisfied with our arrangement? Do you want more money? I feel I have been more than fair.”

“I can buy my own shampoo and other things like that. I’m not destitute, Sir.”

“What are you talking about, Kate? I was just trying to be nice to make you feel at home. I have no idea what brands you prefer.”

“You just want to get into my pants. It’s patently obvious. “

“Is that what you think, Kate? I have no other feelings or motives aside from the patently obvious?”

“All men want something. I know what you want, me.”

“Apparently there is no pleasing you, Kate, and yes I still do. That is part of our agreement,” Jim replied raising his voice with this difficult woman.

“You are angry. There is no point in trying to reason with you and discuss this sensitive issue further, Sir.”

“Don’t try and manipulate me, Kate; “there is no point in trying to discuss” is a manipulative argument falling on deaf ears.”

“Fine, we will have it out here and now. What business is it of yours reading my trial transcripts or interfering with my Probation Officer? I’m more than capable of handling that on my own.”

“Are you aware that as your employer I am required to provide Bobby with monthly time sheets along with a progress report?

I have to talk to your Probation Officer as a condition of your probation. You approached me, remember. You asked me for help. I have every right and a vested interest.”

“No I didn’t know about you reporting to Officer Jervis. But if you think I’m innocent why inquire?”

“Because I am looking into a few things, Kate.”

“Next subject; don’t you think it hypocritical that you insist Officer Jervis address me as Ms. Ryan and you address me as Kate when my name is Katherine?”

“No, I do not think it is hypocritical.”

“How convenient, I….” Kate stated sarcastically before catching herself to really speak her mind.

“Bobby is one of my boys, Kate. I was his Little League Coach. He worked for me summers during High School and summers while attending college.

Bobby just turned twenty-two while you are going to be thirty-six in September. Bobby doesn’t have your life experience or sophistication.

Furthermore, Bobby has only been a Probation Officer for six months. In theory you are old enough to be his mother.

Bobby is young, inexperienced, highly motivated to succeed, perhaps a bit hardnosed. I am certain when he gets older and gains experience, Bobby will calm down and mature into the job.”

“I thought it was something else.”

“Fair enough, but I have to tell you I didn’t like finding the ankle bracelet on you. It is totally unnecessary and demeaning. It is no different than a shock collar on a dog.

You are none of those things and it angered me.”

“There is one more thing, Mr. Brady, is the occasional role in the sack open for negotiation?”

“In a word, no!”

“I have made a grocery list for you to approve. Many of the items in your cupboards are questionable or out of date. They need to be replaced. I’ve put them aside if you care to look.”

“That won’t be necessary. I’ll take your word for it. Dispose of them as you see fit.”

“I cleaned the widow’s walk and started on the attic. The window facing North on the widow’s walk sticks. You need to look into fixing that.

We can talk about the plastic storage tubs with lids and what my days off will be tomorrow. Do you need my services for the rest of the evening, Mr. Brady? Are you hungry?”

“No, I’m full of hotdogs and I have my team roster to go over.”

“I will be in my room, good night, Mr. Brady.”

“Goodnight, Kate.”

**********************************

Three months had gone by and Kate was well settled into a routine. She was getting used to Jim’s ways. Kate had no real complaints because she had the run of the house from top to bottom and kept it immaculate for them.

Kate is a well organized woman with a system and once she got things the way she wanted them, all Kate had to do was maintain.

Kate rearranged all the kitchen cupboards and moved furniture around including his bedroom. Jim didn’t complain.

As long as his leather chair and footstool had the floor lamp next to it and his meals were on time, everything was OK in the world as far as Jim was concerned.

Jim approved her grocery list every week and for the most part let Kate plan all their meals.

They took all their meals together even lunch. Jim came home from work for an hour most days and telephoned her when he couldn’t.

Jim wasn’t a picky eater and ate whatever she put in front of him aside from liking his steaks rare. Encouraged by this, Kate started trying out different recipes and dishes, something she wasn’t able to do when she was married.

The ex was an extremely picky eater who would throw a tantrum if she broke the yolk on his egg. Jim didn’t care as long as it was cooked.

It was amazing; Jim ate and ate with a healthy gusto never seeming to gain weight.

She found herself constantly comparing Jim with her ex- husband. Jim took all of his meals at a properly set table with her. He never sat in front of the television to eat, like some people, the ex-asshole.

Jim was considerate. He picked up after himself. He wiped out the tub and shower with his bath towel when he was done bathing; put his dirty clothes in the hamper….little things like that.

Jim hadn’t demanded Kate perform her wifely duties to date although out of the blue when she least expected it Jim would grab Kate and kiss her lips leaving her flustered.

The garage along with that stupid car remained his domain. Jim kept it locked when he wasn’t home. This made Kate very curious. She wondered what the big secret was; especially since there wasn’t a thing or place in the house she wasn’t intimately familiar with.

*************************************

Baseball season was over and Kate had been living with Jim five months. She still hadn’t been able to get into the garage alone to look around. It was driving her crazy.

’What is Jim hiding in there?’ Kate was always thinking, ‘Jim sometimes disappears early in the morning on weekends to return late at night.

Kate found herself waiting up for Jim unable to sleep when he wasn’t home and would stew about it, thinking,

‘Jim is so predictable and reliable except for disappearing all day Saturday and Sunday and not telling me where he is going….reliable is good. Is it possible that Jim is with a woman….no women have ever called here looking for him?

I have no idea who Jim talks to when he is in the garage. He never brought a woman home that I know of in all the time I have known him…..

What’s the matter with me? I’m a woman…. granted he leaves his cell phone number for emergencies…..the hell with him.

There are definite disadvantages to working for Mr. Brady.
I have to be home after eight at night because of my damn curfew unless I am with Jim or it is work related. Maybe I should try a different approach with him.’

So she did; during the week after dinner Jim watched the evening news for an hour. Kate started joining him for that and after the news they would watch the game show “Jeopardy” together. Kate was quite good at it and was surprised Jim was too.

It was a race to be first to answer the question correctly out loud and they started keeping score.

Interestingly enough Kate started to realize Jim had other interests and knowledge beside baseball and the stupid car he was restoring, thinking, ‘Yes we make small talk during meals and in a way I look forward to being grabbed and kissed; Jim is so damn strong and powerful.’

Kate realized that she underestimated him. Jim was seeing another woman. She realized Jim Brady wasn’t really that bad now that she was getting to know him.

It was now time to take advantage of Saturday and Sunday which were Kate’s regular days off. Officer Jervis couldn’t do anything about her curfew; that was part of the plea deal written in stone.

If Jim insisted on a surrogate wife he should be home on the weekends with her, and at the very least tell her where he was going.

Kate reasoned that she cooked and cleaned for Jim like a wife and therefore they could play billiards, the next step in doing things together on Saturday plus other interests to cover Sunday. She might even let Jim win; it would be good for his ego. Kate assumed that being married once made her an expert on all men’s egos.

*****************************

The following morning was Saturday and their shared birthday. Kate was in the kitchen mixing the batter for the sour dough blue berry pancakes they would be having for their birthday breakfast.

Jim walked into the kitchen casually dressed in tan chinos, a white long sleeve shirt with a pair of brown leather brogans on his feet.

“Happy birthday, Kate. You shouldn’t be cooking on your birthday. Would you like to join me for breakfast? I’ll wait while you get dressed. Don’t take too long or it will be lunch time and I’m starving. How does steak and eggs sound to you?”

“Good morning. You’re always starving. You certainly are in a good mood this morning. Happy Birthday. Breakfast out would be very nice, thank you. Just let me put the batter in the refrigerator.”

Kate walked over to the refrigerator and put the bowl away. She procrastinated and pretended to arrange the magnets holding the notes and newspaper clippings they put there to talk about during meals.

Kate was waiting for her birthday kiss. She was sure that today of all days Jim would kiss her. When Kate turned around Jim was gone.

Annoyed, Kate went upstairs to her bathroom to take a quick shower.

‘I really could use some new clothes,’ Kate thought sighing while checking her long coppery red hair for split ends. Pampered and well cared for it felt good in her hands, ‘I haven’t had a good trim in almost six months….I’ll ask Jim if he has the time to take me.’

Kate loosely put her hair up before going into the shower not wanting to get it wet. She washed quickly with the lavender oat meal soap. She came out with a towel around her middle to find Jim was sitting on her bed.

“You look beautiful with your hair pinned up, Katherine,” Jim said getting up from the bed. She took a step back unsure.

Jim never looked at her like he was looking at her now. It was a demanding uncompromising look that made her skin tingle.

The look said Jim would have his way with her if he chose to do so. Jim was addressing her as Katherine on his terms as if Katherine was another woman and separate from Kate, a woman to be savaged for his unbridled lust.

If nothing else. Jim could be very intimidating when he was angry, and even then Jim was slow to anger. Kate attended a few of his team’s Little League games in the evenings or on Saturday to get out of the house and sometimes worked in the volunteer refreshment stand.

During one of those games an asshole father from the opponent’s team didn’t like a call that the Umpire made against his son. The classless father became loud, obnoxious and vulgar. He almost had Jim’s pitcher in tears.

Jim stopped the game by walking out to the pitcher’s mound. He whistled loudly and sharply through his fingers. His entire team, players in the dugout and on the field ran to the pitcher’s mound. They formed a circle facing the crowd around their distraught team mate closing ranks.

Jim made an announcement that the game wouldn’t continue unless the loudmouth left the property. Jim’s team could forfeit the game per the rules of the league, but in this case the loss was really a win.

That obnoxious loud mouth was a rather large man. Apparently he thought himself a tough guy and a local celebrity. He ran out onto the field and grabbed Jim‘s team jersey in both hands. Jim nodded and smiled.

Jim put one hand on the idiot’s shoulder and clamped down like a vise, squeezing the man’s shoulder near the collar bone. In a manner of seconds the loud mouth was on his knees in excruciating pain, and seconds after, with a broken collar bone as Jim continued to apply pressure.

Katherine unconsciously put her arms up covering her breasts and holding the towel in place remembering how easily Jim handled that obnoxious fool, thinking, ‘Not that Jim would hurt me but…?’

Jim took both Katherine’s hands and put them behind her back holding Katherine’s little hands in his huge left one. Katherine was almost breathless as he held her close to him. She could feel his hard cock pressed up against her. It felt anything but tiny as he leaned in to kiss her lips….Jim was giving Katherine hot flashes and she could feel her face flush.

“Your eyes are as green as emeralds, Katherine. I’m sure I never mentioned before how beautiful I think your eyes are.

They were beautiful when you moved into the neighborhood and they are stunning now; especially looking into them while holding you close like this.

Your beautiful eyes compliment your freckles, a sparkling bouquet of tiny red rubies sprinkled on your creamy white skin,” Jim kissed Katherine’s lips a second time as he caressed the soft hair at the nape of her neck.

“I have laid out new clothes for you on the bed. Happy Birthday, Katherine and many more. If you like, I will take you shopping after breakfast.”

Jim let go of Katherine’s hands and took her hair down arranging it around her neck, shoulders and back. Katherine’s hands went back to hold the towel in place.

Jim left her standing there, befuddled, beguiled and bemused.

**********************************

Kate stood in place staring for a moment at the closed door thinking, ‘Jim has never come into my bedroom before without knocking or asking permission,’ she then realized how tightly she was holding her towel.

‘He did it to me again….damn Jim,’ but she was smiling and tingling all over, ‘That charming troll has me all flustered and tingly again. Just when I thought I had figured Jim out, he changes tactics on me.

The only thing between Jim and I is this towel…but new clothes? How could Jim possibly know I was going to ask to go shopping for clothes….what did he buy for me?’

Kate walked over to the bed and picked up the dark green lace dress laid out for her not failing to notice what was underneath.

‘This dress is lovely. It has a v-neck and an invisible back zip with an eye and a hook. It has an empire waist and the ¾ length sleeves I prefer; how could Jim possibly know? Somebody must have coached him what to buy, but whom?

We will see if he chose this outfit on his own without help when we go shopping.’

Kate opened the door of her mostly empty wardrobe and held up the lace dress in front as she looked into the full length mirror mounted on the inside of the door.

‘Perfect, it comes down almost to my knees.’

Next Kate picked up a luxurious silk undergarment, ‘and look, a pale sea green silk camisole with matching silk panties,’ she rubbed it on her neck and face, ‘a sparkling bouquet of tiny red rubies sprinkled about my creamy white skin; what a unique way to describe freckles. Or these silk panties undergarments next to my creamy white skin. The ex never gave me undergarments like these, he lacked the imagination. He always wanted me to dress cheap and slutty.’

Kate dressed and redid her coppery hair up into an elegant French twist for Jim before lightly applying what was left of her makeup, another thing she would have to purchase with the spending money she saved over the months.

Kate found Jim waiting for her in the garage. He had put on a brown tweed sport coat. Jim’s back was to her. He was looking at what appeared to be a red leather bound photo album or scrap book.

“I didn’t hear you come in Katherine,” Jim said as he closed it, putting it into the small oak chest on the car’s back seat. Jim closed and locked the car door turning to her.

“You look lovely Katherine, lovely and elegant. Shall we go?”

**************************************

‘It is so nice to be out to in public with a man,’ Katherine thought as she passed her plate with the remainder of her charbroiled 20 ounce t-bone steak (half of it) to Jim, smiling at his appetite, ‘I have no idea where he puts it all?’ she thought, looking around the small but packed restaurant and thinking about the many things she wanted to buy.

‘What in the world am I going to get Jim for his birthday? We didn’t talk about exchanging gifts. I don’t know anything about tools and…’ Jim pushed his plate away and sighed, interrupting her thoughts as he touched her hand.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Do we have time for me to get my hair trimmed?”

“We have all the time in the world, at least until nine o’clock. It is your birthday Katherine, anything you want until then.”

“It is your birthday too, Jim.”

“Yes, but I have almost everything I want. I’m just a simple man.”

“You’re not fooling me Jim Brady. You are anything but. I live with you, remember?”

“Alright, then, I’m a mostly content man.”

“I’m trying to be serious. I have no idea what to get you for your birthday.”

“Do you realize that statistically only 1% or 2% of all the people in the world have red hair and green eyes, beautiful Katherine?” Jim said, making her smile

“Don’t change the subject. What do you want for your birthday?”

“A bottle of cologne or a tie perhaps.”

“You don’t even own a tie, or a proper suit for that matter. As far as I know you don’t wear cologne. There is not a bottle in the house, not even aftershave. You use Witch Hazel after you shave.”

“That’s true but in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t have much of a neck. I have nobody to wear cologne for.”

“What kind of cologne.”

“I don’t know, you pick one for me and I’ll wear it.”

“You are just being difficult.”

“Give me your hands, Katherine,” and when she did Jim held her little hands in his big ones, “now I’m being serious. The house has never been as clean and you would make my mother jealous if she were alive to see it. Especially because you make it look so easy.

My laundry is done, my shirts are ironed, and all my clothes are on hangers or neatly fold and organized in the drawers. You have everything in the house organized. You have labeled and cross referenced everything; including the expiration date when applicable.

I appreciate the things that you do for me, including little thoughtful touches that go along with them.

You have surpassed my mother’s cooking. Your cooking is fabulous. I never eat the same thing twice in a week.

My Mom had her signature dishes, but not as many as you. Take your mango and pineapple chicken for example, or any of your spicy chicken dishes let alone your basic fried chicken with sides of biscuits, gravy and coleslaw.

Don’t forget your soups and magnificent flavorful broths that stand on their own. I love all your soups even the ones that are meant to be served cold. They are cool and refreshing during the hot summer months.

Just the thought of your lamb stew with the little pearl onions makes my mouth water. But what are all those meals without a properly set table of china and crystal and such…..a delight to my eyes, although not as much as you are.”

Jim squeezed Katherine’s hands gently meaning every word. Having lived with him, Katherine didn’t doubt a word he said now.

At that moment Kate remembered something that her grandmother always said, “Handsome is as handsome does, Katherine”, and she was thinking, ‘Grandma you are so right.’

“You can’t put a monetary value on those things Katherine for they are priceless.”

***********************************

Katherine managed to get the last hair appointment of the day at 5:00 PM which gave them plenty of time for clothes shopping.

They went from store to store, making tentative selections and stopping twice for coffee while Katherine quizzed him. She asked Jim about this and that; does this go with this or that; color patterns, everything and she was pleasantly surprised that her junk man had an eye for such things.

Even the salesgirls noticed this and Kate was thinking, ‘Jim chose my birthday presents on his own and for the most part likes conservative but feminine with a splash of color, provided it matches my hair and skin tone….even the salesgirls were impressed.

Jim took everything into account, including my figure. He made suggestions that I was already thinking about….it’s almost scary.

My asshole husband likes flashy and trashy. He always wanted me to dress like a slutty nineteen year old in public.

Granted I have the figure for it but that’s not me. I’m not trailer trash….that asshole can go to hell.’

********************************

They were in Jim’s big Grand Marquis station wagon on the way to get her haircut, “Jim, do you think I should cut my hair short?”

“Absolutely not.”

“What if I get it layered.”

“Again the answer is no.”

“You said it was my birthday and I could do anything I wanted, until 9:00 PM so why not?”

“Because of the shape and bone structure of your face and the fact that you have a long graceful neck and small dainty ears.

The fact that you are tall and trim but curvy in all the right places. I have heard you sing, Katherine. You are good enough to be on the stage, that, and my preference is for women with long hair.”

“What about…wait, what do you mean you heard me sing?”

“I’ll get to that in a minute. You can put your beautiful coppery hair up in any style of bun or French twist as it is now and really pull it off nicely. On you it will never look severe but only accentuates your classic features. Most women can’t do that. In my opinion you look stunning with your hair up. ”

Katherine was thinking, ‘that’s exactly what my stylist Susan Banner says about my bone structure. Susan wants me to grow it longer….he said small dainty ears,’ and she touched one smiling.

“On you it is a timeless look, especially with the clothing you chose to wear. You have sophisticated tastes in clothing, Katherine.

I just can’t imagine you wearing anything tasteless or trashy. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I used to think of you as a well dressed sophisticated bitch.”

“What about now? Since I’ve been working for you, do you still think I’m a bitch?”

“Other than that one time in the garage…. that’s a good question. We have gotten comfortable with one another I suppose.

We seem to get along. I certainly haven’t been burned recently by your acid tongue.”

“That’s because you won’t tolerate it. I’m sorry I said those things to you, Jim.”

“I’m sorry I talked the way I did to you Kate.”

“You didn’t answer about the layers.”

“Layers cut into your hair would limit how you can style it.”

“Would you like to see my hair longer?”

“Yes.”

“OK, I’ll take it under advisement. How do I look with my hair down?”

“You look sexy as hell. Especially first thing in the morning when the sunlight is coming through the kitchen windows and illuminates your hair.

Your hair is tousled from sleep but shines like a new penny when the sun is on it. That is why I am always up before you in the morning with the coffee ready, so I can watch you make our breakfast.”

“You are just full of compliments today,” she said while considering reaching over and squeezing his hand, “do you really think I have a nice voice? I like to sing when I’m alone.

When did you hear me sing?”

“The first time was by chance two weeks ago. Jeff called in sick and I was driving by the house with the tow truck. The truck is pretty much on its last legs and we have been nursing it along.

I didn’t want any fluids from the wrecked car leaking in the concrete driveway so I parked in the street. I was hungry and was going to make myself some sandwiches.

You were upstairs cleaning. I sat on the staircase to listen. You were singing songs from the “Sound of Music” of all things. (At the time Jim was singing quietly along with her and was absolutely delighted. He forgot all about being hungry)

“You obviously were enjoying yourself. Who were you dancing with when you sang “I am sixteen going on seventeen?”

“I love all the old musicals, “The Sound of Music”, “West Side Story” or “South Pacific” and the newer ones like “Grease”, Katherine answered as they pulled into the driveway and parked by the farm house where Susan Banner had her little Beauty Salon.

“I tried out for the part of Maria the last year I attended High School but….. But things didn’t work out,” she added softly. Kate got the part but dropped out of the play when her Mother died.

“Who were you pretending to dance with?”

“I’m going to be late for my appointment,” Katherine said, embarrassed and trying to get out of the station wagon.

Jim reached across and grabbed the door handle. Knowing it a lost cause to try and force it open Katherine asked, “You promise you won’t tell anybody?”

“I promise, cross my heart and hope to die,” Jim replied making the motion with his right hand.”

“I was dancing with the new corn broom,” Katherine answered reluctantly.’

Jim was thinking, ‘I was hoping Kate would say she was pretending to dance with me, oh well.’

“It will be our secret. When we get home you can sing “I’m going to wash that man right out of my hair from South Pacific”.

“Now you are teasing me,” Katherine said smiling and squeezing his hand, “you don’t think dancing with the broom was silly?”

“I think it was wonderfully spontaneous and delightful. Fred Astaire danced with a hat rack and that was a great movie.”

“In that case perhaps I will since it’s your birthday too.”

**************************

As they entered the small salon together, Susan Banner, an older lady in her early sixties, stood up from her chair. Susan placed her hands on her hips and she was frowning. Katherine quietly whispered to Jim”I’m going to get an ear full any second now.”

“Katherine, why didn’t you call me about your fire? It is bad enough I had to find out about it second hand. But then you plead guilty to a crime you didn’t commit. I don’t believe you would ever do such a thing.

I’m your friend Katherine. You have been coming to me since you moved here from Florida. Why didn’t you ask me for help? My brother could have found you a better lawyer then the fool you hired.”

“I was ashamed and embarrassed, Susan. “

“Ashamed of what?”

“Ashamed of what you would think of me.”

“I think you are innocent. I think you are stubborn. I think you are prideful. I think you remind me of me at your age. I think you should have left that bum the first time he cheated on you five years ago. Come here and give me a hug, honey. We need to talk.”

Much to Jim’s surprise, Katherine took the scolding. It was if this woman, Susan Banner was her mother.”

“I’ll just wait outside, ladies,” but they didn’t hear him. Katherine started to cry as Susan hugged her. Any minute they might both be crying so it was time to leave; exit stage left.

Jim quietly slipped out the door to wait in the car. He could always recline the seat and take a nap. Jim had a knack for being able to fall asleep at the drop of a hat

*************************************

“Jim, wake up,” Katherine said touching his face, “Susan wants to meet you.”

“What time is it?” Jim asked.

“It’s almost seven and Susan has vanilla pound cake and coffee. There is a whole pound cake just for you.”

“Just for me? Now you are talking. Did you have a nice talk with Susan?”

“Yes, do you like my hair?”

“Yes, you didn’t cut it short and now you are a curly top.”

“Exactly, Susan did a light dusting only cutting off an eighth of an inch and curled it with a curling iron.”

Jim got out of the station wagon and took Katherine’s arm in his, “Let’s not keep the dear lady with the pound cake waiting.”

***********************************************

Katherine had never been to O’Brian’s Pub before and didn’t quite know what to expect. O’Brian’s Pub was originally a working man’s bar. His son, Patrick, took over when old man Clancy O’Brian died.

Patrick expanded the business to serve food. Its simple menu included a variety of sandwiches and the soup of the day.

Once a month, O’Brian’s would feature one of the local Irish bands on the weekends. Patrick O’Brian and Jim were school chums since kindergarten and shared the same birthday.

Red, white and blue Americans to the bone, they could nonetheless put on a brogue that could fool most to think they were from the old Sod and keep it up all night despite copious helpings of Irish whiskey.

Because it was their birthday, some of the regular patrons had complimentary chits for free drinks and sandwiches that would be served. It was a private party after nine.

The birthday festivities at O’Brian’s became a local tradition and like the St. Patrick’s Day parade the place was always packed and extra help was hired.

It was Jim and Patrick’s night to party and Katherine knew none of this when a very striking man met them at the door.

Patrick O’Brian is as handsome as Katherine is beautiful. Patrick is slim and tall with a full head of black hair and blue eyes; he almost took Katherine’s breath away when he shook her hand during the introductions.

“Pat, this is Katherine Mavis Ryan, and she is my date for the evening. It’s her birthday as well. Katherine, this is Patrick John O’Brian the owner of this dubious establishment.”

“I’m very pleased to meet you, Patrick.”

“And I you, Katherine. Did you know that you are the first lady that Jim has ever brought here? You must be a very special lady indeed.”

“Thank you, and no I didn’t.”

“Jim tells me that you sing like an angel.”

“Did he?”

“Yes he did,” Patrick said handing Katherine her menu, “the band is running late so why don’t you two sit down for a bite until then. I’ll put a rush on it. When they get here it is going to be a very busy night.”

“We will need another menu unless you want to share mine,” Katherine remarked as Jim pulled her chair out for Kate to sit down. He then sat across from her.

“I don’t need a menu, I’ll be having my usual, curly top,” Jim replied.

Patrick returned a short time later wearing a brown bowler (derby). He put Jim’s double shot of Tullamore Dew on the table and then tossed another bowler to Jim.

Katherine watched as Jim caught it in his right hand and somehow manipulated the bowler in such a way to have it spin on its brim rolling it neatly onto his head and patting the top. Patrick and Jim removed their bowlers, tossed them into the air repeating the trick for her.

Jim took a sip of whiskey and sighed before speaking in a thick brogue, “Do you know the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral, darling?” Katherine smiled and shook her head, “one less drunk,” Jim replied, tossing his derby into the air and catching it smartly. He did a different vaudeville trick with the bowler before rolling it smartly onto his head and patting the top.”

Jim held up both hands displaying his palms for Katherine to see and said, “Me thinks ye have something behind your ear, darling,” and with that Jim reached forward pushing Katherine’s red curls out of the way and made it look like there was a Benjamin Franklin Half dollar behind her ear.

Jim then flipped the fifty cent piece into the air making it spin end on end before catching it. He manipulated the coin with his hands. When Jim opened them the coin was still there. Frowning Jim then turned his bowler sideways and manipulated his hands again; this time Jim made the coin disappear.

“I forgot to turn my magic hat sideways,” Jim said, taking another sip of his favorite whiskey, “ah, the water of life.”

“Are you going to talk with a brogue for the rest of the night,” Katherine asked intrigued. She never saw this part of Jim before. Katherine never imagined her troll could be like this. Jim was funny and charming and had changed tactics on her again.

“And what will you be having now, darling,” Patrick asked Katherine while refilling Jim’s glass with whiskey.

“The Reubens looks good, and I’ll have a glass of diet cola. Somebody has to drive Jim home.”

“It’s the best. Four Reubens and a diet cola coming right up,” and with that Patrick walked away to get their order.

“Obviously you have eaten here before, Jim. Three for you and one for me.”

“You haven’t had one of Patrick’s Reubens yet. You will want another. Nagging already and the night is young. You sound like a wife and a fine Irish one at that.

Don’t worry about a thing. I have to set an example for my boys. I’ve already arranged for a ride home. Just don’t let me stick my head out the window on the way home. I’ve ruined more telephone poles that way….You have a beautiful smile darling.

Get into the spirit and treat yourself to a little nip,” and when Patrick returned, “I’ll have a proper pint of Harp and a wee bit of Jameson,” Katherine announced in a very good but more refined brogue of her own, refined like her Grandpa Jack.

Pleasantly surprised, Jim smiled, thinking, ’Very nice, very nice indeed,’ and tipped his hat to her, thinking, ‘This might be the best birthday yet.’

**************************************

While they ate Jim explained what was planned for the evening. Katherine although intrigued, was also hungry and helped herself to one of his three Reubens without asking. If she sounded like a wife she might as well act like one.

This event was a fund raiser for Youth Sports and little league baseball in particular. Even though the party was by invitation only, most paid $300.00 for their chits; whether all at once or in installments throughout the year.

It was Katherine’s birthday too. She made up her mind to make the best of it and have a good time. Part of her birthday present to Jim was to be the best date he ever had.

Actually as things turned out it was one of the best times Katherine ever had in her entire life. Jim took her arm and they went from table to table for him to introduce her to people.

Jim knew everybody there and they knew him. There were several women there, beautiful women, whom Kate noticed seemed annoyed that she was his date; women sense these things about one another, while most men are oblivious to the situation.

Kate‘s solution was to hang onto Jim’s arm even tighter and smile sweetly laying claim. To hell with them.

In between times, when the band took a break, Jim would tell jokes and do card tricks while Patrick kept the libations flowing.

There were several children attending who Jim delighted by pulling one dollar coins from behind their ears and then giving it to them.

Jim knew many other different tricks with that bowler, making things appear and disappear; Kate was his assistant.

At around 10:30 PM all of the children were gone; house rules, and there was a drum roll by the band.

Jim and Patrick jumped up on the bar making it their stage. They sang a variety of Irish songs together with most the audience singing along with them, including Katherine.

Patrick was a baritone while Jim was a tenor and they complimented one another.

The third and last song was “Clancy lowered the boom”. Grandpa Jack used to sing “Clancy lowered the boom” to Katherine when she was a little girl and it always made her laugh. Tonight was no different because Jim and Patrick pretended to punch each other at the prompt of the drum.

Katherine noticed that most of the patrons cleared a space near and around the bar to give them room.

They improvised a fight, pretending to fall or jump off the bar as they threw fake punches. Once on the floor they staggered about the audience to sing verses the writer never wrote, making things up as they went along.

During one the improvised verses Jim was punched and pretended to fall backwards into Kate’s arms and she barely caught him.

Jim righted his bowler and then took Katherine into his arms and kissed her lips long and deep while the audience cheered for more kisses; Jim was glad to oblige and Katherine was not objecting.

Jim fell twice into Katherine’s arms and on the third time Katherine took the derby hat off him and put it on her own head. Katherine grabbed Jim’s face in both hands and kissed him as Jim flailed his arms up and down to a drum roll as if he was in shocked surprise.

Katherine let go and Jim jumped up into the air with a big goofy smile on his face and then did a summersault to land on his feet while pretending to stumble against the bar and steady himself.

The audience was hysterical with laughter by his performance thinking Kate was a new part of the act. Jim grabbed somebody’s whiskey from the bar and drank it down before standing up straight and resuming the song without his bowler.

‘This is so wonderful,’ Kate thought, ‘it’s like Clancy lowers the boom meets vaudeville….what’s next?’

All her troubles seemed to melt as she clapped and cheered. Katherine felt so alive and happy, something she hadn’t felt in years.

The comedic song ended too soon. This time Patrick got up on the bar alone for his solo. Traditionally, Jim would sing his solo next and they would cut the cake

Patrick sang “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling” in his rich baritone voice, while Jim was standing next to Katherine, contemplating another tradition…..if she would consent.

At the end of Patrick’s song Jim retrieved his derby from Kate and got back up on the bar alone before calling for a round of drinks.

When everyone’s glass was full, Jim called for a toast; one more toast or blessings of many that he made throughout the evening. This time Jim was looking straight at Kate.

“To my housekeeper forever, Kate,’ everyone raised their glasses, ‘To my beautiful lady if only for the evening. Katherine Mavis Ryan who sings like an angel.”

And then immediately after the toast Jim asked, “Would you fine gentle people like to hear Katherine sing?”

“Sing for us Katherine, sing us a song and give us a tune” called people from the crowd of happy party goers.

“Katherine, would you come up here with me please and grace our ears with a song?” Jim asked taking off his hat and bowing amides the steady chants for Katherine to sing.

Jim put his right hand up in the air and whistled loudly and sharply through his fingers before folding his arms over his chest. It was Jim’s way of saying please be quiet or else. Many of the men here had tangled with Jim in the past and wished they hadn’t.

They raised their glasses in acknowledgement to his request while silently looking to others, warning them to be quiet.

Jim was liked because he never held a grudge. Jim Brady was also liked because he didn’t have short arms. In other words Jim’s arms reached into his pockets to get his money out to buy a round when it was his turn.

When they quieted down Jim jumped off the bar and walked over to Kate. He took her into his arms and kissed her lips, “Please Katherine, sing for us. A man couldn’t ask for a better birthday present.”

Kate nodded and smiled; encouraged Jim picked Kate up and put her in a sitting position on the bar. He got up next to her and helped Kate to her feet.

“I’m sure the band must know “Danny Boy?” Kate inquired.

“As a matter of fact they do, darling,” Jim answered, “You heard the lady, Danny boy it is.”

******************************

Kate finished her song to absolute silence…and then she was greeted by a standing ovation, followed by calls for more songs.

She also overheard some good natured kidding directed at Jim; something about Jim better find himself a new song.

“They love you, Katherine,” Jim whispered in her ear, “They will now expect you to sing here every year.”

“What did some of them mean when they said you better find a new song, Jim?”

“It’s nothing; it is time to cut the cake.”

“That was your song, wasn’t it, Jim?”

“It doesn’t matter as long as you are having a good time. Let me help you down.”

Kate whistled loudly through her fingers and folded her arms. It didn’t have the same effect as when Jim did it, but it did get the crowd’s attention.

“I have something to say,” Kate announced loudly, while yanking Jim’s ear and making him wince, “Jim and I are going to sing “Danny Boy” together. Isn’t that right, Jim?”

“Yes, ma’am, thank you,” Jim replied, smiling from ear to sore ear. He took both Katherine’s hands in his and squeezed, while thinking, ‘Yes, definitely the best birthday I can remember.

******************************

They had a wonderful evening together, although, Kate had a bit too much drink.

She fell asleep in Jim’s lap in the car on the way home.

Jim carried his sleeping Kate into her bedroom. He undressed her, removing everything but her camisole and panties. Kate woke up as he tucked her in and was leaning over to kiss her cheek. Kate was so tired, and could barely keep her eyes open, but was determined to have her say.

“Jim, I want you to….” “Hush, you want me to make love to you? Is that what you were going to say?”

Katherine sat up abruptly throwing back her quilt. She nodded her head, burping and giggling, “yes, and the room is spinning round and round, and you can sing and dance and do magic and everything.”

“No more talking, Katherine, please go to sleep.”

“But, I want you to fuck me,” she insisted dropping back on the pillow and extending her arms to hug him while giggling, “you can wear your blonde wig.”

“Katherine, I don’t want to hear another thing about the subject. Do you want to be spanked?”

“You can’t spank me. I’m drunk!”

“Do you want to find out?”

“No, Sir. I’ll be a good girl,” she said seriously, but burped and giggled some more. “You’re a sexy bastard for a troll.”

“Wonderful, get some sleep then.”

“Jim.”

“Yes, Katherine.”

“Do I have a woman’s heart,” Kate asked as Jim covered her with the quilt.

“I’d fight anyone who said otherwise,” Jim said leaning forward to kiss her cheek.

“Thank you, I am going to sleep now….”

******************************

Kate woke in the early afternoon with a mild headache and was thankful for it, considering all she had to drink the night before.

After everyone had left, her, Patrick and Jim sat around talking, about next year’s party, and what Jim was like as a little boy. Patrick had her laughing with stories about Jim, and the drinks were flowing.

‘Next year I’ll be more careful and drink less,’ she thought, surprising herself by thinking that, and ‘Why not, we sing well together.’

Kate took something for her headache before taking a shower. She assumed Jim would be up and gone, and after she dressed Kate went looking for him and confirmed it, his station wagon was gone.

‘Where is Jim always disappearing to,’ she thought, realizing that she hadn’t checked the garage door to see if it was locked.

Kate almost ran outside to turn the doorknob and bingo; she entered closing and locking the door behind her.

Up above her head and resting on the steel support beam for the chain fall was the oak chest. Kate moved a step ladder over and climbed up to get it down, thinking, ‘Hmm, what kind of secret is my sweet troll hiding from me?’

She had to stretch to reach it, and almost tipped the stepladder.

Katherine found Jim’s College Diploma’s; she had no idea that he went that far, but now everything was starting to make sense.

Next the real surprise, the red leather bound photo album, and another one just like it.

Katherine sat on a stool by the window unable to tear her eyes away as she slowly turned the pages, studying everything.

Jim was in the drama club. There was picture after picture of the plays or musicals he was in for those years of college. There were mementos and programs and tickets stubs.

Jim’s big three were “The King and I”, “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” and “Kiss Me Kate”. Jim had the leading roles of “King Mongkut of Siam”, “Quasimodo” and “Fred”.

In most of the other plays he had smaller parts, but was several different characters in each.

The next red photo album showed what went on behind the scenes at the rehearsals or cast parties when the actors, friends, were away from the public. They seemed to be a very tight group.

There was a young woman that caught Kate’s eye. She was absolutely gorgeous; long dark brown hair and brown eyes. Gina had a voluptuous figure, and there was a presence about her. In almost all the photos, this woman was standing near Jim.

Gina La Salle was the leading lady in all the college productions, even the ones were Jim had minor parts. There were pictures of her in costume in the first album with some of her other leading men, handsome men, but behind the scenes, Gina was always with Jim.

This young woman, Gina La Salle was often on his lap with her arms around Jim’s neck. There were photos of them dancing together, or doing silly things together. There were some intimate shots when Gina was kissing him. There was something about the way Jim was holding her….it was obvious that they were an item, while just as obvious…. they were in love.

She wanted to know everything about Gina, but couldn’t ask. Kate now felt guilty for prying; especially after last night, when Jim very well could have taken advantage of her.

Kate also was running out of time. There was no telling when Jim might be back. Well, too late, she could hear Jim’s Station Wagon pull into the driveway. The clock on the wall said it was after six in the afternoon.

Kate was on the very top rung, struggling with the chest, the very place where she shouldn’t stand, and the ladder tipped. She screamed as she fell; Kate went one way and the oak chest another, the chest taking the brunt of the damage.

Hearing her scream, Jim came crashing through the locked wood door, smashing it open with his shoulder as if it were cardboard. Kate was trying to stand on a possibly broken ankle.

“Katherine!” Jim exclaimed, as he scooped her into his arms. Kate put her arms around his neck and pressed her face up against his,” I’m sorry, Jim, I’m sorry; your oak chest is…”

“Is it just your ankle? Are you hurt anywhere else?

“No,” Kate said in a small voice, hugging Jim’s neck, tighter.

“We are going to the emergency room to make sure.”

“Yes, Sir.”

******************************

Jim left everything as he found it, not bothering to look at the oak chest or close the broken garage door, despite the fact that those photo albums meant a great deal to him.

Instead, Jim carried Kate into the house to get two of the six medical icepacks she insisted should be in the freezer door at all times before he carried her out to his station wagon to drive Kate to the hospital emergency room.

Kate was lucky and the prognosis good. She didn’t have a fracture, torn muscles, torn ligaments’ or a sprain. The hood of the Road Runner was damaged from the fall, denting and giving way some when her left foot hit it. Kate then landed on her bottom and slide down the trunk to land on the floor where Jim found her trying to stand; Kate had blunt tissue damage, a bruise on the bottom of her heel.

Kate was certain she was going to catch hell on the ride home. Instead, Jim was unusually quiet and held Kate’s hand the entire time.

‘Again Jim has changed tactics,” she thought, and then, ‘no he hasn’t, all this time it has been me. He is genuinely concerned about me. He was looking at me as if I was that woman, Gina in the photos. That was my wrong perception assuming all men are alike.’

“Jim?”

“Yes, Kate.”

“Are you angry with me?”

“No.”

“Are you just saying that?”

“Surprisingly, no, I am relieved that you are safe. You gave me quite a scare when you screamed. You could have been hurt badly,” and he squeezed her hand, “If it will keep you from doing impulsive things, I will bring everything from the chest into the house where there are no locked doors between us.”

“Jim?”

“Yes, Kate.”

“You loved her?”

“Gina was my whole world, Kate. We were engaged to be married. After last night, I can finally move on.”

*****************************

Gina graduated college as a pharmacist. Gina’s graduation gift from her parents was two weeks in Paris, France, and what a gift it was. Jim would be taking a flight to be with her. They would spend Gina’s last five days in a 4-star hotel. They would return together. Their wedding was scheduled the following year.

Gina was not there when Jim arrived. The desk clerk insisted that Gina had checked out the day before, and he had personally hailed her a cab.

Jim got no satisfaction from the manager of the hotel where Gina was staying. He got even less satisfaction from the aloof Police Inspector who arrived to remove Jim from the premises when he refused to leave the manager’s office.

Inspector La Blanche claimed that there was no evidence or probable cause to indicate a kidnapping. “American women are flighty,” he said, “this kind of thing happens all the time. Paris after all is the City of Love. Perhaps your Gina met someone,” he said, smirking, insinuating that Jim was a cuckold fiancé.”

Jim knew that a minor Saudi Prince and his entourage were renting the entire fifth floor for the month. There were beautiful girls from all over Europe that weekend to party. Many would be lured with promises of unbelievable good paying jobs in Saudi Arabia. Once there the girl’s passport would be confiscated….need I say more?

Jim went to the American Embassy to talk to his uncle stationed there. His uncle Bob arranged for Jim to be put on the Embassy staff. Being a blood relative, Jim was granted full diplomatic immunity. Jim’s promised to be patient and work within the system. Jim had all the official identification and was given a satellite cell phone just in case.

Jim suffered three weeks with no results and then struck out on his own. The weak link was the hotel manager. Jim went back to apologize for threatening him, hoping to get a lead.

He gave the desk clerk one thousand dollars in American Express Checks and hinted there was more to come if he could get in to see the Manager to apologize and rectify the misunderstanding.

He planned on offering the Manager a bribe; the modest seventy five grand he set aside as collateral for a loan to start his business.

The Hotel Manager invited him in his office. Everything changed when Jim sat down to talk and looked at the wall behind the manager’s desk to see it hanging there. He calmly set the satellite cell phone to speaker before dialing the Embassy where all incoming calls are recorded.

Smiling, Jim punched the man in the face, breaking his nose, and knocking him out of his chair. He took the janbiya from the wall drawing it from its woven silver wire and jewel encrusted leather scabbard.

Jim pressed the janbiya to the manager’s throat and showed him his Embassy ID, “Do you know what this is?”

“Yes,” the cowering Manager answered, choking on the blood running down his throat from his broken nose. “

“Good. I know how you acquired this saifani janbiya. Honor dictates blood must flow once it is drawn from its scabbard. You will to determine how much.

I’m sure you realize I can get away with anything short of murder,” Jim said coldly, while drawing it across the man’s throat, cutting deep enough to draw blood, “I will let you live, but you will wish yourself dead when I feed you your testicles.

“Talk and you had better pray for your soul and mine nothing happens to Gina.”

When the scum started repeating himself, Jim banged the manager’s head on the desk, and left him unconscious on the floor, taking his evidence with him.

It was a half hour ride to the Embassy in the congested Paris traffic. Jim intended to cut that time in half, and obeying the speed limit wasn’t an option.

Jim was within one mile from the Embassy, driving the narrow streets to see flashing lights behind him. Jim wished he was in his Ford F-150 pickup truck with its big V-8 instead of the cramped putt-putt sardine can he was driving, thinking, ‘oh well, here goes nothing.’

He ignored the lights and sirens, going around a barrier in the street they set for him to drive on the side walk. He damaged several store fronts and little sidewalk stands as he drove through with his horn blaring in warning. He was on and off the street, steam coming from underneath the hood, picking up several more police cars joining the pursuit.

Jim was within 100 yards of the embassy when the overheated engine seized. He abandoned the vehicle and ran.

Jim was at the gate when the Gardien de la paix were upon him.

He managed to throw the incriminating saifani janbiya over the fence before they grabbed him. Jim had a death grip on the bars of the gate as they beat him with their truncheons while trying to pry him loose.

Jim gave his message and instructions to the Marine Guards as the truncheons rained on him. When he finished, Jim let go to surrender.

After he was on the ground and handcuffed, Jim was searched. Everything was removed from his pockets before they helped him to his feet.

A familiar man got out of a police vehicle and started to walk towards him.

Jim knew the man; he was the aloof Officer de la paix. Lieutenant La Blanche was the Inspector who refused to investigate the case.

One of the French Police Officers, who searched Jim, the Gardien de la paix (keepers of peace) glanced at Jim with a worried look on his face.

He attempted to intercept his superior to show him Jim’s Identification Papers from the American Embassy, only to be summarily dismissed with a wave of a hand as La Blanche walked past him.

The aloof Officer de la paix got right into Jim’s face, “Defiant to the last are we, you lawless American Cowboy. I will personally see to it that you spend many years in one of our most hospitable French prisons.

“You are nothing here, Mr. Brady,” La Blanche then spit into Jims face.

Jim smiled and replied with his best John Wayne, “Fill your hand you son-of-a-bitch,” Jim then smashed his head into La Blanche’s face, breaking his second nose of the day.

******************************

Jim’s uncle had him released several hours later from French Custody. They drove to the American Embassy were Jim was examined by Medical staff. From there, Jim was taken by helicopter to a military base for a more thorough medical examination. Jim was then escorted under Marine Guard and placed on a Military transport under guard back to the States.

Jim’s Uncle Bob’s Superiors contacted the French Ministry of the Interior demanding a full investigation. They balked until the recording transmitted by the satellite telephone was played back to them.

The hotel manager disappeared that day. He is believed to be living in Yemen. While awaiting sentencing, the disgraced La Blanche was found, hanging lifeless in his cell

The Saudi’s offered no comment, and when pressed claimed the incident a hoax and an insult to the Royal Family.

The politicians on the Senate Foreign Affairs Committee in conjunction with Cabinet Members of the President strongly advised they drop it and pursue no further.

Robert was proud of his nephew. Jim was the only Brady of his generation not to serve in the Military. Nevertheless, Jim was a Brady through and through and his courage was never in doubt.

He grieved for the loss of Gina La Salle; for Gina herself and for his nephew. Gina was the perfect woman for Jim, and Robert had been looking forward to being a great-uncle.

Robert remembered the days when his country was energy independent. A time before greedy politicians and special interests cut sweetheart deals for foreign oil.

The Russians still know what to do. They would grab a Saudi Prince and hold him for ransom. They would send the Royal Family one finger at a time until their citizen was released; in other words adapt a Seventh Century solution to a Seventh Century mindset.

The most important thing was his god son was safe. In Uncle Bob’s mind, family is everything. Being a practical man Robert knew nothing further could be done about Gina, for now.

Robert has valuable contacts. He would find out eventually through unofficial channels the status of Gina La Salle. If she were alive, he would wait, and it might take years; if not, Robert would call in a big favor. It would be done covertly and without fanfare.

The time came, and the sanction was carried out. Robert met with Ivan in a park.

Robert was given an envelope. Inside was a photo of the severed testicles and two thumbs. Also inside was a gold ring with the Royal seal.

******************************

Jim carried Kate into the house and put her on the sofa across from his leather chair.

“Do you need anything, Kate?”

“No, I’m fine but we need to talk.”

OK, but first I have to fix the door. Call me if you need anything.”

Jim made a temporary repair on the door and brought in the contents of the chest to find Kate sitting in his leather chair.

Smiling, he shrugged his shoulders and put the albums in the bookcase before turning to her.

“I’ll make room for you,” Kate said, sliding onto the arm of the chair for Jim to sit down, and after he did Katherine snuggled up next to him and Jim put his arms around her, sighing contently.

“This is cozy, Kate. What do you want to talk about?”

“I want to talk about us.”

“Wouldn’t that be redundant?” Jim asked teasingly while taking her hair out of the ponytail and dropping the elastic tie onto the floor. “I think we have already established us. What more is there to say?”

Annoyed, Kate tried to sit up but Jim held her easily in place as she struggled. Defeated, Katherine sighed and snuggled closer.

“Can you ever love me like you loved her?”

“I would certainly like to try, Katherine,” he answered, pushing Kate’s hair behind her ear and caressing her face, “I have seen many a moonlight glimmer of your woman’s heart these past months, but last night it shone as bright as your red hair in the morning sun.”

“Jim.”

“Yes, Katherine.”

“I’m still going to call them as I see them.”

“I know. You are a feisty little lady and that is part of your charm.”

“Then I may speak my mind?”

“You may do so at the risk of your tight little ass being spanked when you wander beyond the boundary of civility.”

“Do you know what I think about that, Jim?”

“Tell me but hurry up, I’m hungry.”

“You want me to cook for you?” Kate asked, sitting up to face him, and then giving Jim’s ear a tug and a pinch.

“We Trolls have insatiable appetites for fair young maidens. When fair young maidens aren’t available, feisty red heads will suffice. I’m always hungry for your luscious kisses, Katherine.”

Jim took Kate’s face in his hands and kissed her lips.

“And you are my charming and thoughtful troll,” Kate said, taking Jim’s face in her little hands, and kissing his mouth, long and deep.

Kate ran her hands over Jim’s bristly head, “handsome is as handsome does, sweetheart.”

“Am I your sweetheart now, Katherine?”

“I would like you to be.”

“And so I shall, forever.”

“Can we negotiate the spanking part?”

“No, but I am giving you complete latitude in the matter.”

“That doesn’t make sense. “

“It makes perfect sense. You have latitude to behave or not to behave. It’s your choice.”

“You are impossible, Jim Brady.”

“And you are beautiful, Katherine Mavis Ryan.”

“Does this mean we will be sleeping together, Jim?”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Kate.”

“I want to suck on your cock, and then I want you to make love to me, Petruchio.”

Jim carried Kate upstairs to his bedroom and put her gently in the bedside chair being careful of her bruised foot. He turned back the cotton blanket to uncover fresh clean sheets for Kate to be on the bed next to him.

“Just a minute, Katherine,” Jim said leaving and returning with her hairbrush, “Let me brush your hair. You are a little disheveled from your fall and trip to the emergency room. You are always as neat as a pin.”

“Well, I know someone who never has problems with messy hair,” Kate replied, running here hands over Jim’s bristly head and kissing his lips.

“Do you actually pay someone to do that for you?” Kate asked turning so Jim could start brushing.

“Yes, my barber,” he replied, starting to brush Kate’s red hair.

“Fire him!”

“Fire Mandy, why would I do that?”

“Because I’m taking over; all you have to do is buy a good set of electric clippers.”

“Yes ma’am. “

“This feels good sweetheart. Obviously you have done this before. What other surprises do you have for me?”

“Do you want me to braid it?”

“What kind of braid?”

“Just about any braid, or I can put it up for you.”

“Did Gina teach you those things?”

“Yes, Gina and my sisters, but Gina is in the past. I only have eyes for you, Katherine.”

“Braid it any way you like, then.”

Jim completed a French braid in Kate’s hair. She stood up to look, admiring herself in the dresser mirror, “you really did a nice job, Jim”

“Your hair is soft and thick, Katherine, perfect for any type of braid. I’m looking forward to seeing your braid much longer.”

“And I am looking forward to my big, strong sweetheart. Will you help me undress?”

“I could spend the rest of my life kissing your delectable lips,” Jim said standing as he helped Kate out of her panties, bra and dress, kissing her and sighing contentedly while gazing at her in wonder while thinking,

‘Kate has an exquisitely trim figure but rounded and curvaceous in all the right places she feels so warm and yielding in my arms. I’m a lucky man to have her.’

“It’s my turn, Petruchio,” Kate said, unbuttoning Jim’s top shirt button and working her way down. Kate had never seen Jim in his under pants let alone completely naked. She wondered how her gentle troll was hung.

When Kate finally reached his underpants, Jim’s hard cock was straining against the fabric. It sprung to attention when she pulled them down.

‘My god!’ Kate thought, ‘where the good Lord took away from Jim in the handsome department is more than made up for in another; Jim is well hung,’ Kate laughed to herself thinking what a little cocktail wiener the ex has in comparison.

Jim was only the second man she had ever been with; nevertheless the difference in the family jewels was obvious.

“Jim.”

“Yes, Katherine.”

“Promise you won’t laugh.”

“Your ex-husband was your first and only one, wasn’t he?” Jim, stated while putting his arm around Kate’s trim waist.

“How can you possibly know that?”

“I didn’t, you just told me, that, and I guessed from the look in your green eyes. Let me smell you,” he said nuzzling her neck, “We trolls can also tell these things from our sense of smell alone.”

“You are impossible, Jim Brady,” Kate said pushing Jim down on his back onto the bed, “but I’m full of surprises too you know”

Jim rolled over on his side and Kate did the same while sliding down to get comfortable to suck on his cock.

Kate started licking the tip of Jim’s hard cock, teasingly while Jim stroked her braid. Jim’s cock was longer and thicker then she was used to, but Jim tasted wonderful. Jim was all man, a mass of corded muscle, and Kate was thinking, ‘Petruchio is all mine.’

Kate was stroking her pussy with a free hand as she licked and sucked on his hard pulsating cock… teasing him, probing and testing with her tongue and lips as Jim took her hair out of the braid, as she knew he would.

Kate almost brought both of them to orgasm several times, but backed off playing with her dripping wet pussy. She stopped sucking and licking his cock to lick and suck on his balls making him gasp in surprise.

Jim was putty in her hands as Kate sucked on his balls and playfully nibbled them, feeling him shudder.

Jim’s hands were buried in Kate’s hair as she took his cock deeper in her mouth, licking and sucking ravenously and savoring every inch of it, all wet and sloppy. Kate realized she would never be able to take all of his cock in her mouth.

Kate imagined what his cock would feel like in her cunt when he fucked her; she wanted Jim’s cock in buried in her cunt up to his balls. Kate wanted Jim to take her like a woman and fuck her hard.

Even when they were contentious neighbors and fighting, Kate wondered how it would be like to fuck that feral bruin of a man, that totally hardheaded and unreasonable man, Jim Brady.

Kate could sense Jim’s impatience….good, she had teased and titillated him long enough, it was time to get down to business, she wanted to orgasm as well.

Jim’s orgasm was an onslaught testosterone laden energy as his hard member assaulted Kate’s mouth and tongue, followed a torrent of his thick rich semen flooding her mouth for Kate to swallow greedily as her orgasm burned through her….it was marvelous sexual rapture and so long in coming.

Kate sat up and Jim rolled over on his back putting his arms above his head and stretching. Kate lay on top of him, rubbing Jim’s head and kissing his mouth.

“What a little tease you are, Katherine. Where in the world did you learn to do it like that?”

“I told you I was full of surprises, Petruchio.”

“And so you are, Katherine.”

“This meeting is called to order.”

“What meeting?”

“You are out of order, Petruchio.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The Chairwoman doesn’t recognize the gentle troll with the big cock.”

“The Chairwoman? Oh, I get it. This is a setup.”

“First order of business, no more female barbers except for me,” Kate declared, sliding down slightly to lay her head on his chest, “Second order of business; no other women”.

Jim pushed Kate’s hair to one side and caressed her face, “Yes, Madam Chairwoman.”

“Good, do I hear discussion…no discussion, and since we have a quorum do I hear a motion….we have a motion….do I hear a second….we have a second…a show of hands….motion passed.
Do I hear a motion to close the meeting….I do hear a motion, do I hear a second…. I hear a second….show of hands…..unanimous.

The meeting is officially closed. Let’s get dressed to buy the electric clippers. You must be hungry.”

“What makes you think I’m hungry?”

“You are always hungry, and I am in no condition to cook.”

“Good point. I suppose you want to have dinner out?”

“Yes, thank you for asking, sweetheart.”

“As if I had a choice.”

“Of course you don’t. You’re the one who made me your surrogate wife.”

“What about your foot?”

“If I keep pressure off of my heel it will be fine.”

“You’re impossible, Kate.”

******************************

Katherine selected the most expensive professional grade electric hair clippers from the Barber & Beauty Supply outlet.

From there it was off to dinner. They went to a small Greek Restaurant and ate outside on the patio sharing several dishes, including broiled lamb marinated in spices and olive oil, delaying their dessert for later.

They finished their evening by stopping for ice cream sitting outside under the stars on a picnic bench to watch people come and go.

Kate sat close to Jim, hugging and kissing him. Actually Kate was all over Jim. Jim was delighted with the attention, particularly when Kate finished her ice cream cone and sat on his lap.

Kate didn’t give a hoot who was watching them. She saw several people she knew who wouldn’t give her the time of day after the fire and her subsequent conviction….the hell with them.

Kate was just as delighted to be with Jim and have his strong arms around her waist as he hugged and kissed her back. Kate loved Jim…there was no other word for it and she would surprise him again when they got home.

‘And it’s funny,’ Kate thought to herself, ‘I never thought of or even considered the ex-asshole as my man. He never gave himself to me the way Jim does.’

When they got home, Kate took Jim’s hand and they went right to the bathroom off of her room.

For the second time that day, they slowly undressed while kissing and caressing each other all over.

Kate took her time with the clippers, leaning over often to rub Jim with her breasts while kissing Jim’s lips as she ran the clippers over Jim’s head.

Kate’s ex-husband, Thomas, would never allow anything like this. The asshole was into fifty dollar haircuts and was a prude unless it gave him pleasure.

When Kate finished Jim’s head was clipped down to 1/32 of an inch or 1mm; Kate was smiling because his bristles felt wonderful as she ran her hands over Jim’s head.

“Does your ex- barber ever cut your hair like I just did?”

“No, ma’am.”

Would you like a shave?”

“You want to shave my head,” he asked, grinning.

“No, of course not, I meant your face. I love the contrast of clean shaven when you nuzzle my face while I rub your bristly head. I hate seeing a balding man with long hair on the sides, and especially with a ridiculous comb-over.

You are most sensible for keeping it this way, sweetheart.”

“Any other critiques, Katherine?”

“Yes, on you bristly is sexy as hell.”

“OK, Katherine. I’m game. You really are full of surprises.”

“Good, it will be fun. Get into the bathtub and I’ll get everything ready.”

Kate put a fresh blade in Jim’s safety razor and filled up the tub with hot water for him so he could lean back and relax. She washed his face twice and then applied several hot wet hand towels to Jim’s beard using water from the sink, changing them before they cooled.

Next Kate whipped up lather in Jim’s shaving mug with his boar hair shaving brush and lathered well to help soften his beard and too exfoliate his skin.

Kate shaved him carefully and expertly, lathered and shaved him again, followed by a cold water rinse to close Jim’s pores before patting his face with witch hazel.

Jim stood to drain the water from the tub before stepping out and running a hand over his face, “Excellent job, just like everything you do. It’s my turn,” as he stroked Kate’s pussy.

“What do you mean it’s my turn?” She asked catching on, “I…no, you…I won’t allow it!”

“You will allow it,” Jim said picking up the clippers and removing the guard.

“But, I’ll look silly,” Kate said, covering her pussy and breasts with her hands and arms, thinking, ‘Jim is looking at me like he did in my bedroom yesterday morning when he brought me my clothes.

There is no denying him this; I know that look, but will Jim actually hold me down and shave my pussy against my will?

That is what makes him so hot; Jim would do something like that. Do I want Jim too? He can easily do it. He is going to do it no matter what, I just know it ….’

“Katherine, you are anything but a silly woman. I think a shaved pussy to lick will be scrumptious, not to mention sexy as hell.”

“Yes, Sir,” Kate replied thinking; ‘On the other hand, maybe I’ll like it. I’ll bet trolls have sensuous tongues.’ But for all Kate’s hesitation she was secretly aroused by that demanding and unyielding look.

Jim put the clippers down, picked Kate up and put her gently on the sink vanity top. Kate spread her legs wide for him to get at her plump pussy. The vibrating clippers added to her arousal as Jim slowly pushed them through Kate’s thick curly bush.

Jim made pass-after-pass to get to remove her once proud patch of curly red hair, “That’s it for the clippers, Kate,” Jim said, running his hands over the stubble, “I’m going to get a bowl of ice for the finish. A brief soak in the tub will help soften the remaining hair.

“You have done this before haven’t you, sweetheart?”

“Many times.”

From the tub, it was back on the vanity top where Jim lathered Kate’s pubis Mons and carefully shaved her plump pussy twice making sure it was smooth.

Jim finished by rinsing Kate’s now exposed plump pussy lips with cool water, followed by cold water and finally an ice water soaked hand towel to sooth, “Not so fidgety beautiful. I know it’s cold.”

“It’s freezing, but it feels nice,” Kate replied standing and stroking her bald pussy as she looked in the mirror behind the vanity.
“I love it. You can be my pussy barber,” Kate said smiling, remembering her thoughts about Jim in the blonde wig and now the double entendre.

“I want you to lick my pussy,” and it would be Kate’s first time.

“Yes, Ma’am and its bedtime. You need to get off that foot, wait, why are you grinning from ear to ear? Now what’s up?”

Kate told him about her first day when she was sitting in the chair with her pretend cup of tea, and had Jim laughing as he picked her up and carried her into the bedroom.

“I take it that you wouldn’t wear a blonde wig for me?” Kate asked while nuzzling his cheek with hers’.

“No, but don’t get any idea’s my imaginative little lady; I love everything about your red hair,” Jim answered, putting Kate gently on the bed.

Jim started by kissing her mouth and face all over, followed by her neck and behind Kate’s ears. Kate was stroking her now bald pussy with her fingers.

Jim worked his way down to Kate’s breast licking and sucking, he was driving her crazy….she wanted his tongue in her cunt.

Jim licked and kissed her all the way down, kissing and licking Kate’s hairless pussy. Jim made her gasp and moan when he parted Kate’s lips and thrashed her clitoris with his tongue.

Kate had no idea that it would feel so good, this being her first time. Kate’s hands were in her hair and on Jim’s bristly head, enjoying the contrast.

Kate was squirming and wiggling all over the bed while arching her back to push her musky and sweet dripping pussy into Jim’s face as he licked with abandon.

Building as a ripple Kate’s orgasm washed over her with a turbulent wave of selfish pleasure….Jim wasn’t finished with Kate yet. The taste of Katherine was driving him wild, as Jim held back his urgent need.

Jim rolled Kate over on her side and then entered Kate from behind, pushing his rock hard cock up to his balls into her welcoming and dripping pussy.

Jim came almost immediately as he pumped her slowly in and out, as not to hurt Kate’s sore foot. Jim pumped her with his pulsating cock until his orgasm overtook him, filling Kate with his seed.

Kate turned to him and touched his face as they embraced. Jim held her gently, and to Kate’s amazement Jim was still hard.

They made love to one another, slowly and gently, unhurried and after, Jim stroked Kate’s hair until she fell asleep, with him soon to follow.

******************************

Jim woke up in the middle of the night comforted by the sleeping form of Kate pressed up next to him. Jim touched Kate’s face gently as not to wake her, realizing that he was falling in love with her.

It was exactly like being with Gina, again, experiencing those tender caring feelings. Both women were similar in temperament, yet so different.

Gina was pugnacious and feisty with a sharp tongue when angry; except with him; well sometimes. That was easily corrected.

It wasn’t easy winning Gina over. They met in advanced chemistry as lab partners. She wouldn’t give Jim the time of day outside of class.

Gina was smart with a perfect grade average and strikingly beautiful. Gina auditioned for and was given the lead roles because of her passion and talent; she was that good.

Gina could be sweet and charming, but would deliberately intimidate the young college men trying to date her when they crossed the line.

Jim joined the drama club using Gina as a reference without her knowledge. Initially, Jim joined to be near Gina and to win her over.

As luck would have it, Jim discovered during the tryout he had genuine aptitude for acting, getting the part of “Fred” in “Kiss me Kate”.

Gina didn’t like it at all and wanted to drive him out of the drama club. She berated Jim, made fun of him during the tryout in front of the soon to be cast and the director, however it backfired; everybody thought Gina and Jim were acting.

Jim gave it back to her laughing. Gina slapped his face hard, and he was still laughing when he grabbed her and kissed Gina’s lips.

Gina threw some punches at his nose that he blocked with the palms of his hands, which made her all the angrier.

Jim kissed Gina again, picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. He carried her off the stage and out of the building kicking and screaming to the applause of everyone in the auditorium.

The next day, Jim got a visit from Gina’s two older brothers, Vincent and Nick. Jim held back, pulling his punches. He did not want to hurt them or embarrass them in front of their baby sister; all three of them were bruised and bloody as Jim fought them to a standstill having winded them.

Afterward, Jim shook their hands, thanked them for a good old fashioned fight. Surprised they didn’t know what to think about that….thanking them? They had no intentions of going another round with Jim, not without help.

Jim apologized to Gina, and she ungraciously slapped his face, berating him all over again.

Jim then asked Nick and Vincent’s permission to date their sister. They grudgingly did after sitting down with Jim in the college pub over shots of good Irish whiskey, while interrogating Jim about his family.

Gina refused to go with them to the pub. She was absolutely beside herself when they returned and gave her the news. Gina lit into her brothers, lashing them with her tongue.

Vincent and Nick merely shrugged and smiled, looking at Jim as if to say, “I hope you know what you are getting into, pal.”

After Jim left, Nick and Vincent told Gina it was out of their hands and to deal with it; you are a big girl now.

Jim and Gina had coffee and pie together after their third rehearsal, the rest is history.

When Gina finally gave into Jim, Gina gave him everything; her tender woman’s heart, her absolute unconditional love as well as her hot temper.

Kate has fiery red hair and challenging green eyes that say, “Just try to tame me,” Gina eyes are brown, but the message was the same. Jim vowed to himself that he would love Katherine with every atom of his being.

Jim touched Kate’s red hair and smiled, thinking, ‘Don’t worry my love, one way or another your ex-husband will see justice,” and putting his arm around her, Jim contentedly drifted off to sleep.

******************************

Kate woke up next to Jim’s sleeping form the next morning to find his strong arms around her. She felt very safe and secure with Jim Brady. More so than any man she had ever known, except for her Grandpa Jack, but this was a different kind of safe and secure…with Jim there were no limitations.

Kate remembered how she secretly liked to watch Jim working in his yard. In hot weather Jim would remove his shirt. She would watch him lifting or moving impossible loads; tugging, digging or chopping while his muscles bulged and flexed under the strain.

Thomas hired a lawn service that sent out several men for their smaller yard.

Over the years, Kate watched Jim help new neighbors move in. Jim carried heavy furniture that two or three average men would struggle with. Kate watched Jim push his non-running cars up and down the driveway and in and out of the garage as if they were toy trucks or cars.

‘My husband, Thomas, while trim and tall, disdained any sort of physical labor,’ she thought.

‘Thomas the adulterer is on the soft side, and hates to get sweaty or dirty. When we first met, Thomas was very charming, handsome and persuasive. He figuratively swept me off my feet with his money and sophisticated ways.

Jim is as well educated and charming, but down to earth. He can sing and everything and he loves me. What you see is what you get; kind and caring, but sexy rough and tumble tough.

Jim made me shave my pussy bald, and I let him…not that I had a choice. I wonder what it would be like to be really ravished by Jim.

I like what I see….I love Jim Brady….handsome is as handsome does, Katherine…..it’s not too late, and about time you followed your heart,’ Kate thought as she lightly touched Jim’s muscular arms.

Kate remembered the time when she tried to outmaneuver him by inviting Jim to the neighborhood committee meeting saving the subject of his junk cars for last.

Going strictly by the Robert’s Rules of Order, the issues on the agenda were discussed and then dispensed with efficiently and politely. Jim’s was the last of the new business.

It was discussed openly and Jim was given the opportunity to speak; he remained silent and sipped his coffee.

It was voted on and passed unanimously.

“What do you think of the committee’s decision, Jim?

Will you comply?” Kate asked smugly, assuming she won.

There were slices of lemon pound cake and two uncut vanilla pounds cakes on her grandma’s crystal serving dish along with other refreshments on the dining room table.

Jim reached over and took one whole pound cake in his big hand and took a bite out of it, smiling, while the committee waited for his answer.

Jim finished that one, stood up, picked up the remaining whole one and simply left….nothing changed….so much for Robert’s Rules of Order.’

******************************

Three weeks had now gone by, and they couldn’t have been happier. Kate was spending time with Jim on the weekends now, although it annoyed her though that Jim would still disappear Saturday mornings to return late in the afternoon.

If it wasn’t for that, and not telling her where he was going, things would almost be perfect.

It was a Friday at noon when Kate received a telephone call answering, “Brady residence.”

“Is Jimmy at home,” a sultry voiced woman asked.

“Mr. Brady is not in, may I take a message?”

The woman simply hung up, confirming Kate’s suspicions; there was another woman, and she was looking for “Jimmy”, why else would she have hung up.

Jim came home around five in the late afternoon to find Kate with her back to him in the kitchen cooking their dinner. He went immediately over to get his hug and kiss, putting his arms around Kate’s waist and nuzzling Kate’s face with his.

Kate didn’t respond, and he was wondering what the matter was. The previous 21 days was nothing but hugs and kisses.

“Is something the matter, Kate?”

“Nothing at all sweetheart,” Kate said, innocently.

“Ok….what’s for dinner?”

“We are having lamb stew. It’s in the refrigerator. All I have to do is warm it up.”

“That sounds wonderful. Are you sure everything is alright?”

“Right as rain,” Kate said smiling while the storm clouds of her anger were gathering over her head, “I have a surprise for you. I made you a special dessert. I’m not going to tell you what it is. It will be a surprise. Have a seat at the table and close your eyes.”

Jim sat down, and closed his eyes,” Here you go lover, open wide for the spoon,” Kate said sweetly.

Jim took a bite, and then spit it out, “Kate! It tastes like soap!”

“It is soap, you lying bastard. Here is your dinner,” Kate dumped the entire eight quart pot of cold lamb stew on Jim’s head.

Jumping up from his chair with the stew dripping from him, “Are you crazy, woman? What the hell did I do?”

Kate was ready for him with the corn broom in her hand.

“I’m not afraid of you, you lying bastard.”

“Kate, put the broom down. If you hit me with it you’ll be sorry.”

“Wash my mouth out with soap will you, Romeo, well, I beat you to it,” She swung the broom at Jim’s head making him duck.

“Put that god damn broom down,” Jim demanded, taking a step forward and slipping on the stew on the floor to fall on his ass.

As Jim was getting up, Kate hit him in the ass with the broom, and he slipped forward onto his stomach while Kate continued to beat him with the broom…. he started laughing.

“My appetite has been my downfall, ha, ha, ha.

I’ve just been bested by a pot of lamb stew and a feisty little green eyed redhead with a broom. Isn’t it wonderful?

I love you Katherine,” he said getting up slowly while blocking the blows with his arm, “I love you with every atom of my being. What a temper you have…..the better to tame you my feisty little redhead, said the big bad troll to the beautiful shrew.”

Still laughing, Jim walked carefully toward her to keep from slipping, while stomping his size 14 feet, “Come here, Kate, your Petruchio wants you.”

Not knowing what to think, Kate dropped the broom and tried to dart around him. Jim grabbed her, spun her around, and wrapped his arms around Kate as she struggled to get free.

“Let go of me you bastard,” Kate shrieked, and in reply, Jim picked Kate up and slung her over his shoulder. He carried Kate to his leather chair and sat down.

Jim flipped the struggling Kate onto her stomach over his knee and pinned her in place with one arm. Jim sat patiently, letting her struggle and curse at him until Kate got tired and lay still.

“Katherine, what exactly do you think I did?”

“You are seeing another woman.”

“No, Katherine, not since you moved in. What gave you that idea?”

“A woman called today, Jimmy. You disappear on weekends and don’t tell me where you are going.”

Jim sighed,” Did you ever ask me where I was going? I have lived alone for a long time Katherine and may be a little set in my ways.”

“Where are you disappearing to then?” Kate asked, realizing that what Jim said was true; she never asked him once, thinking, ‘oops, my temper is going to be my downfall.’

“About a year ago a few of the people from my college drama got together. We pooled our money and bought the old Hippodrome Movie Theatre on Best Street. It was scheduled for demolition. We have been slowly restoring it in our spare time. We hope to get enough interest to start a small community theatre for live plays.”

“Who was the woman that called?” Kate asked, remembering that she read about that in the entertainment section of the newspaper, thinking, ‘oh, shit.’

“That was Cindy. She dialed our home phone instead of my cell phone. When Cindy realized her mistake, the battery went dead. Cindy and her sister were on the way to the hospital. Cindy called me on her sister’s phone to tell me she couldn’t make it. Cindy’s six year old nephew needed stitches and Cindy’s sister was a wreck.”

“Jim.”

“Yes, Kate.”

“Are you going to spank me?”

“Yes, Kate, with my hand, unless you prefer your hairbrush; six good slaps. Do you believe me now? Do you believe I love you, Kate?”

“Yes, Jim.”

“Do you love me, Kate?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Jim hiked up Kate’s dress and pulled her panties down to her ankles. “I can think of a classic play, a comedy that would suit us both after our grand opening starting next month. Are you interested in trying out for the part?”

Kate nodded, knowing what was coming.

“There is one more thing that you should know, Kate.”

“What’s that, Petruchio?”

“We will be getting married for real one of these days therefore;

Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign, one that cares for thee, (SLAP)
And for thy maintenance commits his body
To painful labor both by sea and land, (SLAP)
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe, (SLAP)
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks, and true obedience, (SLAP)
Too little payment for so great a debt.
For I am he am born to tame you, Kate, (SLAP)
and bring you from a wild Kate to a Kate
Conformable as other household Kates, (SLAP)

End of Chapter 1.