A weekend flies by before I know it. I’ve been spending most of my time avoiding Tyler, but when we are around each other, he acts as if nothing ever happened. I don’t know if he just assumes he’s established order, if he wants me to forget, or if he was intoxicated and it was alcohol acting through him; I don’t want to think about it.
Monday morning I go about my business readying for school. I hurry down to the bus stop and ride silently to Tamp-Wood High. As the bus pulls into the school lot, I dread walking in. I haven’t faced Sammy since I avoided her and she got pissed. I also haven’t seen or heard from Jay all weekend and I’ve been more down than usual. I knew this would happen and I let it. I let go and this is the price I pay.
I walk into the school and head cautiously toward my locker. Good, neither Alicia nor Candy are in sight. I reach my locker and swing it open, checking to make sure all my books are there. Everything’s in order, so I collect my things and head off to my first class. So far, everything is going well. I miss talking to Sammy, but I can’t confront her. I know, even though I can’t see her behind me, that she isn’t bothering to look my way. I can’t wait to join up with Dylan and the gang.
I manage to scrape by through my classes and disappear as soon as the lunch bell rings. I slip out the back door and down through the long grass to the side of the building we always meet at. Lonny gives me a hug and I am greeted by the usual crowd minus Sasha and Tanya. They’ve not been hanging out as much since they’ve got boyfriends now. Then I realize something…something important.
“Where’s Dylan?” I ask. Lonny looks at me, her expression incredulous. “What?”
“Dylan’s sick,” Austin’s deep, gravelly voice answers. I look at the blond teen surprised.
“Oh.” The gang all sits down and starts talking as drugs are passed around. I recognize the usual cocaine, marijuana, and rare prescription drugs.
“Sasha’s boyfriend was a cracky too,” Alex states, picking up a subject.
“Was or is?” Lonny asks.
“It depends on how you ask him,” Alex replies with a wink.
“So he’s using, I take it,” I chime in. Alex smiles that crooked smile that means he knows stuff. I think it’s hot, but I’d never say so.
“Damn right. He was busted for some serious stuff a year back, went through jail and some rehab.”
“Some rehab?” Tanya asks. Alex nods.
“Never finished, got through the detox process but never got further.”
“It must have been serious to be thrown in rehab and he didn’t even make it through that,” Austin says.
“Heroin,” Alex replies, shaking his head. The whole gang is silent. They all know that even though they are in this crowd, heroin is beyond any possible consideration. Not one of us here would dare think about using that shit.
“So Sasha’s with a heroin addict?” Tanya asks. Alex nods, a darkness in his eyes.
“That sucks,” I simply say. Alex chuckles at that and I imagine giving myself a pat on the back. Alex isn’t the easiest to make laugh, so it’s an accomplishment if you say something he finds funny. Then the drug effects start to set in and I lose track of the conversation. The world is a haze and I’m perfectly happy. Everything is fine and will go wonderful. Sasha won’t be affected by her heroin-addict boyfriend, she’ll be fine. Sammy will come around soon, she’ll be fine too. Dylan will get better, yeah, he’ll be fine. Life is good.
I leave math class feeling like a slurred, bitchy person. Life sucks. I hate it right now. I saw Sammy in math and she wouldn’t look at me no matter how much I tried to catch her eye. And now, hurrying through the hall, I run into none other than Jay. Immediately fear, pain, and anger wash through me and I look at the ground, attempting to become invisible.
“Hey baby, where have you been?” his voice breaks my thoughts. I manage to stop my shaking long enough to keep my voice normal.
“The usual,” I simply answer. He wraps his arm over my shoulder and walks me to my locker.
“I’ve missed you, have you been avoiding me?” the question comes like a shock to me. I thought he didn’t care? Is he simply covering for his withdrawal?
“I’ve not been avoiding you, I thought…” I stop myself before accusations fly. He kisses me on the cheek and gives my shoulders a squeeze.
“I wanna see you sometime soon,” he says. I’m not so sure if he means ‘see me’ or ‘fuck me’.
“Yeah,” I say, trying to sound enthusiastic, but I’m so confused. He squeezes my shoulders again and disappears down the hallway. Then my phone vibrates. Pulling it out I read see a text from Dylan.
How was school today?
I’m surprised to have gotten a message from Dylan, but then again, just because he’s sick doesn’t mean he’s in a coma or something. I know he won’t like the answer I have to offer, but what else can I do?
Can I ditch it for good?
I mean it as a joke and I know he’ll find the humor in it, for sure. But I also know that I really would ditch school for good if I could. But Tyler would beat the shit out of me and that’s a chance I don’t want to take again.
I ride the bus back home and enter the house slowly. Immediately I know I’m not alone. Tyler’s behind me, how did he get there so quickly? I whirl around to see him staring down at me.
“God, you scared me, Tyler,” I gasp, forcing as real a smile as I could. He doesn’t smile. It chills me to the bone.
“You been seeing someone?” he asks. The question shocks me out of my mind.
“What?” I ask. Did he mean Jay? How could he possibly know? What was he gonna do to me? I hadn’t thought he cared whether I was seeing someone or not.
“Have you been seeing someone?” he asks more firmly. I don’t know what I should say, truth or fake it? I can’t read him and I have no possible guess of the outcome from my answer. Apparently I waited too long to answer.
“DAMN IT ANSWER ME WHEN I ASK YOU A QUESTION!” He screams, leaning over in my face. I jump and stumble backward, hitting my back hard against the counter. I cringe away, pain flashing down my spine.
“NO NO!” I cry, fear and panic rushing through me. I know I could be making a mistake by lying and surely he’d fine me out, but this new Tyler scared me so completely. Right then, I get a reply from Dylan. Damn it, Dylan, you have horrible timing!
“What’s that?” Tyler asks. There’s a dark glint in his eye and I can tell he thinks he’s got me caught. Thank God it wasn’t Jay.
“It’s a text,” I answer.
“No duh, who from?” he asks. I pray this goes well.
“It’s…it’s most…most likely from Dylan,” I stutter out.
“You fucking liar!” he shouts at me. Immediately I jump to the defense.
“He’s a friend, just a friend! We’re not together! Just a friend!” I cry out, desperately needing him to believe me. At this point I don’t know what Tyler is capable of.
“Read it,” he dares me. Shakily I pull out my phone and open the message.
Hang in there, you’ll make it through ïŠ
I thank the Lord that he didn’t say anything that could have possibly in any possible way been taken the wrong way. Tyler snorts like he’s frustrated; was he looking for a reason to beat me? What had changed him so completely? Tyler leaves me go and disappears into the bedroom. When I finally am able to pull myself together, I sit down on the couch to do my homework and go to sleep. There will be no dinner tonight.
…………………………………………………………………….
Friday afternoon, the school lunch bell rings and I fight with myself about whether I should go to the gang or lunch. I’m so depressed that I feel even drugs won’t have any effect on me. Absolutely nothing in the world can make me happy right now. Then I see Dylan. I immediately recognize the short brown hair and his favorite black hoodie, and as he draws nearer, the brown eyes. His eyes lock on mine and he doesn’t stop until we’re face to face.
“How was school today?” he asks.
“Can I ditch it for good?” I reply. He smiles. His smile warms me, lifts my spirits and I think maybe this day can go better now. Just as soon as those feelings register I break the gaze and look at my feet. Dylan shoves his hands in his pockets and takes a step back.
“Did I miss much this week?” he asks. He’d been out sick all week.
“The usual crap,” I reply, looking up again. He snickers, slightly nodding his agreement. “How you feeling?” I ask. I’d missed seeing his face in our gang, it wasn’t quite the same.
“Better now…did I miss the lunch bell?” he asks. I nod and look toward the back door.
“The gang is gonna wanna see you,” I say. He smiles, but he shakes his head.
“You know, after being sick for a week, dope ain’t so appealing,” he sighs. “They’ll survive without me.” I know how he feels, the last thing I want right now is to be out of control even if it makes me happy.
“Should we get some real lunch?” he offers.
“Why not?” I say casually. He doesn’t offer me his elbow or take my hand, he just smiles and we head to lunch.
After filling a tray with some crap the school dares to call food, we sit at our own table and start to talk.
“So how was your week away from school?” Dylan asks. Immediately Tyler comes to mind. I decide to give a simple answer and hope he drops it.
“No better. Yours?” I turn it around.
“Natalie, I was sick,” he laughs, reaching over to give me a light punch in the arm. I shake my head. Duh. “So have you talked to Jay recently?” the question surprises me. Something like alarm races through me and I’m not sure how to answer. I’d rather not explain what went on or the relationship really. I felt like Jay had betrayed me.
“I don’t know, not really.” I reply, confused.
“What went on between you two anyway?” he asks. I look up into his eyes momentarily then back down to my food with a sigh.
“I don’t know anymore. I guess it was never really anything.” Dylan continues looking at me like he’s thinking. Then he leans in closer to me.
“Not to overstep my boundaries, but lemme guess…you thought he cared and understood you, showed you a good times, and then used you?” the way Dylan put it, no matter how much it hurt, it basically summed it up. I didn’t answer, assuming Dylan must know already.
“I know about Jay a little more than you might think. He’s not what anybody believes he is,” he finishes. I shrug my shoulders and lean my head on my right hand, looking at the cafeteria walls.
“I guess I’ve sort of known all along. I just wanted something to believe in for once,” I say, looking into some distance I didn’t even know that I was looking at.
“I know exactly how that feels, more than you know. You’ve got no support, no trust, no one to turn to, you just want something you can believe in, put all your trust and heart into. Believe me, it’s as vital as the heart. Some people can go through life without needing faith or something like that, but people like us, it’s just…”
“Immeasurable,” I finish his sentence, amazed that someone like Dylan could have such wisdom if that’s what it is. He smiles and nods.
“Yeah.” All too soon the school bell rings again and we do the gang’s “secret handshake” that everybody randomly came up with. Then we part for our classes.
………………………………………………………………………….
Jay calls me that night inviting me over to his place. He says he’s throwing a party and wants me there. Reluctantly, I agree. I leave a note for Tyler saying I went over to a friend’s house for a while. I figured he wouldn’t care and for the first time I hoped he’d bring a new girlfriend home.
When Jay picks me up, he looks smoking in his muscle shirt black jeans. He kisses me on the lips and escorts me to his Dodge Challenger. Not long, we reach his apartment. As soon as he opens the door, the loud music and room full of people sink in and I realize this is a full blown teenage party. Oh shit, this will get ugly.
“Welcome to the one and only Royce Party,” Jay jokes, pulling me in and shutting the door. Boys and girls everywhere dancing, and dirty dancing nonetheless, drinking, and just partying. Tyler would kill me if he saw this. No, worse, because I was afraid he’d kill me over a text not long ago. Jay puts a drink in my hand and leads me to the middle of the room where everyone’s dancing. I try to figure out the rhythm of the music and soon I get the hang of it, rocking in time with Jay and copying his movements. A take a sip of my drink and smile, enjoying myself.
A few sips later, I realize I shouldn’t have accepted the drink. This is what happens when you come to a senior high school party and I knew something was in all the drinks. But it was too late. A low fuzz had set in and I no longer seemed to care. At some point, Jay disappeared and I lost my drink, but suddenly I had another senior in my face. Black hair, blue eyes, no shirt, and a hell of a body. Damn I was done for. I lost myself dancing with this guy and I could swear, thanks to the drink, that I was in love. Before I knew it his lips were on mine and we were in a full make out while we danced. Electric was flying through me and my hands were all over this guy’s body. He was hotter than blue fire and he was burning me up. All I wanted was for him to hold me forever.
I lost track of time and memories, but the next place I found myself was between a senior girl and a black guy who appeared to be only a junior, maybe even my age. He had his gaze set on me, which made me nervous, the way he seemed to be stalking me. He’d been watching me all night, I’d been vaguely aware. I’d never seen him before, even at school, so maybe he was from another district.
Suddenly his hands are on me, around my waist and he pulls me in. Through my haze, I’m slightly nervous, but his possessive grip on my actually turns me on. I like it.
“I’ve not seen you ‘round before,” he says over the noise. I shake my head.
“Nor have I seen you,” I reply. He smiles in a crooked way and I can only imagine what’s in his twisted mind.
“So you been lookin’ then?” he snickers. Immediately I realize how my reply had come out. I laugh.
“Of course not, but I clearly don’t recognize you,” I answer.
“Taurus, I go to East Side, you?” he asks.
“Natalie, Tamp-Wood,” I answer. His hands slide up my back, causing a small shiver to pass through me. With his tight hold on my I know he’d felt it. He leans in next to my ear.
“You wanna go do something?” he whispers, his lips grazing my ear. I put my hands up on his shoulders to push him away, but my half-hearted attempt only encourages him. His hands slide back down my body past my waist to my butt. He gives a gentle squeeze, his lips still by my ear, awaiting my answer. I refuse to out and out agree, but I can’t resist. My arms slide up around his neck and he lifts me up and carries me toward the back. We disappear into a room and I know where this is going. I’m so turned on and I want this to happen, so I don’t resist.
His lips meet mine in a strong kiss and his hands go crazy sliding all over my body. I lift his shirt up off his head and kick my shoes off *, running my hands all over his back. I’m vaguely aware of the door opening as I’m set on the bed and leaned back by the East Side black guy all over me. He pauses and stands back to help me pull my shirt off. I recognize blue eyes, black hair hottie come in, shirt still off. He’s smiling at the scene unfolding and closes the door behind him. God, a freaking threesome now?
“Taurus, I knew you were here somewhere,” the boy says. Taurus nods distantly, focused on pulling my pants off until I’m just in my underwear and bra.
“Jason,” Taurus acknowledges and takes me in another kiss, lowering himself down on top of me. His pants are off and I feel his erection through his boxers. I’m just barely aware of Jason taking his pants off and locking the door behind him. Taurus pulls back and stands up to remove his boxers. Jason takes the moment to budge in and kiss me. Another electric shock flies through me like lightning as his smoking sexy body is pressed down into me. My mind goes slips away again.
The next hazy moment I can think, the three of us are completely naked. Intense sensations are washing through me as I realize the feel of a tongue working on my clit. I gasp the best I can with a mouth closed over mine and fingers working on my breasts. My body is being completely manipulated and the feelings are overwhelming. Then Jason lifts off of my and starts rubbing his cock. I sit up, recognizing Taurus working his tongue into my cunt. Jason slides his fingers into my hair and scoots over on the bed. Immediately I know what he’s asking for, but I’ve never given a blow job before. At least not that I remember.
It doesn’t matter, his tip is pressed to my lips and he gently encourages me with his hand on my head. I open my mouth as wide as I can and slide it over his cock. It’s roughly 6 inches long and thicker than Jay’s. I struggle to get it in my mouth. Slowly I begin working my mouth and tongue around his cock, doing everything I believe is supposed to be done. It must have been right because a few minutes later his hard dick twitches and cum is squirted into my mouth. I gag and force myself to swallow it, finding it rather repulsive to do such a thing. But I suck it up.
I suddenly realize the pressure building in me from Taurus’s expert tongue and I know my orgasm is coming. The moment my orgasm hits, Jason thrusts his cock into my mouth, it fully hardens again, and I’m thrown forward into it, deep throating the dick. Jason moans and I muffle my scream around his cock. Then he pulls out and trades places with Taurus. The black cock positioned at my mouth now is bigger than I expected (*no stereotype intended*). It’s at least 7 or 8 inches long and roughly as thick as Jason’s. Nervously, I attempt to put my mouth around it.
The first time it doesn’t fit so I lick around and rub his balls with my hand. The second time I open my mouth as wide as I can and stuff it in. It fills my entire mouth, gagging me in my first attempt. Then I feel something pushing in to my cunt. I glance down to see Jason slowly advancing his cock in. It slides in and he pushes all the way down with a groan. I moan the best I can around Taurus’s cock and attempt to work my mouth around it.
Soon Jason is working into me and I’ve found the special way to take Taurus’s cock in and give it the best I’ve got.
“Damn, she’s got a mouth,” Taurus mutters.
“She’s a freaking trooper,” Jason laughs as he sees me taking in the huge cock as far as I can. Taurus laughs and nods, fascinated by my determination to do a good job. I wrap my hand around the rest of his cock and put it against my mouth, giving more of a visual effect to my attempt at a deep throat. Jason starts pounding into me and I start moaning involuntarily. It feels so freaking great having the hottest white guy I’d ever seen pounding into me and the black dick I was working on even kept my interest. Soon I feel another pressure rising and I want to scream. Just before my orgasm, Taurus slams his cock down my throat, gagging me as he spurts his cum, and Jason pulls out just as he releases his load. They both get up and sit me up. Then Taurus lays on his back, his hard cock standing straight up. Jason leads me over to Taurus’s position and lifts me over him. Slowly, I begin to sit down on his dick, but I don’t push. As the tip enters, I can feel it’s not going to fit so well. I get it a quarter of the way in before I’m scared it won’t work.
Jason grabs my hips and pushes me down hard, forcing Taurus all the way up in me. I scream out in pain and pleasure simultaneously. I’d never had anything so big in me and it feels amazing and hurts as it stretches me beyond reality. Taurus sits up and lays me on my back again, moving over me into a dominant position; never letting himself slide out. Jason works on my breasts, neck, and mouth with his hands and tongue, wrecking my body in heavenly assault. Taurus moves slow at first, but once it was established that he would fit alright, he starts banging into me with a force I didn’t know was possible. He probes far up into me, exerting all the pleasure either of us can some up. He thrusts into me long and hard, slamming down into me. Jason jerks off his own cock as he manipulates my body with his free hand and tongue.
My orgasm hits me with more force and intensity than I’d ever experienced. I scream out so loud Jason covers my mouth with his hand and Taurus laughs, bucking into me a final few times before pulling out and allowing himself to release his own pressure. My body is visibly shaking and the three of us are panting heavily.
“Damn girl, I won’t forget you,” Taurus breathes out, calming himself. Jason smiles as he breathes heavily like the rest of us. I manage a slight giggle, but I already know I’m gonna regret this night. Luckily I still have some fog over me and maybe I won’t remember much. I am both physically and mentally exhausted as we dress again. Jason leaves silently, but Taurus hangs on, laying on the bed still. Something draws me to him even though I know I should go. But I don’t move, I simply sit with my back to him at the bottom of the bed.
“Ah man, I’m glad I decided to come tonight,” Taurus comments, more to himself than anybody else. His arms are crossed up over his head and he’s staring at the ceiling. When I catch him glance at me, I shrug. He smiles and resumes his empty staring at the ceiling. I lay back at the bottom of the bed, beyond exhausted and wanting to be able to sleep right now. I feel lips on my shoulder, and the kiss works its way up my neck to my cheek.
“How ya feel?” Taurus whispers into my ear. I turn my head to look at him. His eyes meet mine and the question lingers.
“Amazing?” I whisper.
“Why does that sound like a question?” he asks.
“What do you wanna hear?” I suggest. He smiles and kisses me on the lips, then rocks back again.
“That you’re glad you came, you freaking enjoyed my sex, and you wanna stay tonight,” he replies. We both laugh and lay back side by side in silence. Then the exhaustion hits me full force and I close my eyes. Seconds later I’m fast asleep.
………………………………………………………………………
I wake up the next morning with an aching head and few memories. The only thing that comes back to mind is Jay’s car, the drinks, and an orgasm. Then I’m aware of the strong arms wrapped around me. Opening my eyes, I see Taurus laying in front of me with his arms around me. My head is on his shoulder and his shirt’s off. Assuming he’s still asleep, I gently trace words across his chest with my finger.
“Whatcha writing?” Taurus’s deep whisper startles me. He laughs when I jump and I look up into his eyes.
“I don’t know, whatever comes to mind,” I answer.
“So school, drugs, and Tyler come to mind?” he asks. Confused, I prop myself up on my elbows.
“That’s what I wrote?” I ask, bewildered by what he just said.
“Girl, you’re not the first to give me those feelings, and there is this fifth sense called touch that I’ve learned to use well,” he half jokes. I look down at the blankets, surprised by what I’d traced. “Who’s Tyler?” he asks.
“My brother,” I reply.
“He fucks you?” he asks next.
“No! No, of course not. What made you think that?” Taurus shrugs.
“You seemed depressed when his name came up.” I sighed. It’s that obvious?
“Just family problems,” I say quietly. Taurus sits up on one elbow and runs his finger down my cheek.
“Are your parents together or split?” I shake my head at that.
“I live with my brother. Lord knows what my parents are up to,” I reply, looking in his eyes. He’s searching mine, looking for some answers. I don’t plan on telling this guy more than he needs to know. He’s not anything special, just one concerned heart to another. He seems to understand this and sits up to kiss me before leaving the bed. I kiss back and sigh as he gets up and looks for his shirt. Then it occurs to me that we’re still in Jay’s apartment. I get up too, helping Taurus to find his shirt, and then following him out of the room.
Jay is nowhere to be found, but another drunk couple is passed out in the living room and drinks still litter the counter. Taurus pulls out a piece of paper and splits it in half. On one, he writes down his name and a number. On the other, he writes my name and slides it over with the pen.
“Gimme your number and maybe we can hang sometime,” he offers. I’m weary of this decision, he could just wanna fuck again sometime, but something tells me I shouldn’t care anymore. Then I remember I don’t have a number. There’s no way I’m having him call the house.
“I don’t have a number. Just me and my brother, remember? And the last thing I need is for him to find out what goes on when I disappear,” I explain. Taurus nods with a devious grin on his face.
“Aight, well keep my number on hand, baby girl,” he kisses me and heads out of the apartment. Great, now I just need a ride home and Jay is missing. Somehow I would like for Taurus to be the caring man I am looking for, but I know meeting a guy at a party, fucking in a threesome, and then exchanging numbers isn’t gonna produce the love I’m looking for. There’s no way I’m diving into this, I just wish this was easier. With Tyler always unpredictable and me now on his blacklist, I have no idea what’s gonna happen to me.