For me, being a loner began in middle school. It started in PE class when I was called the usual names of someone who performs poorly in the common games that boys play. I was physically fit, but I lacked the coordination skill necessary to hit a ball in baseball or catch a football or basketball. I entered high school with no friends, graduated with no friends. The only thing about high school is a crush I had on David Johnson, the guy who was the star tennis player. Everyone had a crush on him. Even though he belittled me mercilessly, I would fantasize about him. I imagined he would do the things to me that I was doing with my own hands. Then I felt guilty that I wanted him even though he was such an asshole. I promised myself that I would get away from him, and I hoped to get into a college as far away as I could.
I attended college on the east coast. In college, I worked with lab partners and study partners, but none of them became friends because I simply made sure to remain aloof whenever possible.
I had colleagues in law school, but again, I had no real friends. I made it through with no problems, passed my bar, and got a job reviewing contracts for loopholes or gaps. I rarely had to deal with people and I was happy for the first time since I was a little kid. Nighttimes were a little lonely, but I heard the negatives of relationships through the walls of my apartment. My plan was to save every cent I could so I could retire as soon as possible in the middle of some acreage, away from everyone.
Things seemed to be going my way until the week of the karaoke competition. While on my way back from the restroom, I was cornered.
“Hey, Mr. Murphy, are you going to the competition this Friday?”
“I don’t think so,” I replied.
“You have to. We need to win against H, H, H,” Ms. Khan begged.
“Who’s that?”
“Hubert, Hubert, and Hubert. The law firm downstairs. Come on. I’ve heard you hum and once I heard you singing to yourself. You have to compete.”
I don’t know why I did it, but I said, “Of course, I’ll be happy to. Let me know where and when.”
“It’s downstairs after work on Friday. I’ll come to get you. It’s a Janie Fricke competition, so practice your Janie Fricke songs.” She practically skipped away.
I was already dreading it.
Friday arrived, and as the neurotic I am, I had listened to every Janie Fricke song that Siri could play, twice. Three women from the office came to get me at 5:02 to bring me down to the bar/restaurant on the ground floor of the building. Everyone started drinking and munching on appetizers. They started setting up things just before six, and just after six, a man walked in and went to the bar who looked a little familiar to me. I felt distracted trying to remember who he was.
“Mr. Murphy.” It was Ms. Khan again. “The machine’s not working. They’re trying to fix it. Go sing something. It’ll make our team look good.”
What the hell, I thought. I don’t want to be the first to sing, and without the words!
“Yeah,” said someone else. “You can do it. Come on.”
Someone pushed me forward.
A voice came over the speakers. “Everyone, Brad Murphy is going to start us off with a song.” He handed me the mic.
I took a deep breath. “They don’t dress in Navy Blues. They don’t cry on the six o’clock news for the world to see. They go quietly.”
The room was completely quiet.
“They don’t stand out in the night and curse the Moon because the light that shines on them is oh so dim.”
I felt a tear form in my eye as I realized how much this song was about me.
“Lonely people, they just hide away their feelings, in a night that never ends. Why can’t lonely people find other lonely people in a world so full of them?”
I noticed several people seemed to get misty-eyed.
“All alone in crowded bars, making wishes on falling stars…” I kept singing, but tears began to flow down my cheeks. When I finished the song, people stood up and cheered. I smiled, but I felt so empty inside. I wanted to run out of the place, but people shook my hand and slapped me on the back. I moved toward the back of the room.
A hand shot out and held my upper arm. “Brad, let me buy you a drink.” It was the man I couldn’t place, except I now recognized him. I just needed to add ten years to David Johnson, the asshole who bullied me in high school.
“What do you want, David?”
“Shit. I wanted to apologize for being an asshole to you, but your voice tells me I hurt you more than I realized. Words and a drink won’t be near enough, will they?”
“Your recognizing that is a step. How about a rye and coke?”
David ordered one for me. His manner was easy; his face, still stunningly handsome, and he appeared still to be in good shape. He turned back to me. “I don’t want to make excuses for what I did; I was awful. I deserve… I don’t know what I deserve.” He looked at me.
His beautiful eyes conveyed a contrite heart. For as many times as I had imagined him in bed with me, fulfilling my sexual fantasies, he had hurt me. Verbal assaults. Physical assaults. Yet I wondered if his body was as glorious as the time I saw him naked in the gym showers.
“I don’t deserve forgiveness,” he went on. “But I’m asking for it. I really am sorry. I truly regret it.”
My drink arrived; I took a sip. I enjoyed the taste and the warmth that slipped down my throat. I looked David directly in the eye. I felt anger building. I wanted to push him on the counter and force my erection into him. I wanted him to bleed. But his eyes began to mist. He was honestly regretting the past. I felt the anger dissipate.
“I forgive you.” I took another sip.
He turned his head as his eyes filled with tears. “You can’t imagine what those words mean to me.”
But I think I could. He was still my go-to fantasy when I jerked off. All the years of wanting him, wanting him to want me, pretending what life would be like if he wanted me and loved me, and all the hate I’d built up because I couldn’t have him and his treating me like shit, all the hate began to evaporate.
I looked around. Elliott Rodriguez, a recent graduate working in the next department was looking at me. Why couldn’t a guy like that ask me out? I turned my face away. I had the urge to be with someone; I suddenly did not want to be alone. I didn’t want to be there either.
“Take it easy, David.” I turned and walked away. I grabbed Elliott’s arm. “Let’s get out of here.”
“I’m really shit-faced,” Elliott giggled.
“Already?” I asked.
“Wait,” David shouted.
I pushed out of the bar with Elliott in tow.
“I got here early to help with the set-up. Did you have a fight with your boyfriend? Because I’m really horny. Do you want to take me home and fuck me? I think you’re really hot.”
“What?” I stopped just in front of the doors leading outside.
Elliott smiled a goofy, sexy smile that let me know just how drunk he was. He had no idea what he was doing. I wasn’t hot. I was just an average guy. Elliott giggled again. He would be such easy prey, and he was cute. I know I would enjoy making it with him. He was a nice guy with a really hot Maybe I should.
“Your boyfriend’s back.” Elliott’s smile disappeared.
I turned as David walked up to me.
“Brad, there’s more I want to say to you.”
“Does this mean you’re not going to fuck me?” Now Elliott looked disappointed.
“Elliott, you’re drunk. You can sleep it off on my sofa, but we can’t have sex.”
“Is he your boyfriend?” asked David.
“I thought you were his boyfriend,” giggled Elliott.
I wasn’t sure whether I was getting a headache or the drink I had on an empty stomach was getting to me. I heard the music start-up in the bar. Someone was screeching “She’s Single Again,” and the audience was obviously enjoying it.
“Elliott, go back to the bar and ask Mr. Thompson to get you a ride home. OK?” I physically pointed him back to the bar.
“Will you fuck me next week when I’m not drunk?” he asked.
“We’ll see. You ask me next week.” I watched him go back to the bar. He was remarkably stable.
I looked at David.
“I’m not surprised that he wants you, Brad.”
“Why would you say that, David?”
“Will you take a walk with me? To the little park that’s at the end of the block.”
I took a deep breath; I didn’t want to go with him. There really was nothing else I needed to hear from him. I looked down at the ground, and as I did, I noticed that his package was even nicer than when we were back in high school. Stop it, I told myself. Do not go with him. Leave it here.
“Walk with me, please.”
I walked beside him to the park.
“I appreciate your letting me talk and listening to me and of course accepting my apology.” He reached out and touched my hand.
“Don’t do that. We’re not friends, David.”
“We could be. I never expected to see you again, but now that I have, all these feelings I kept bottled up in high school have jumped into my brain.”
“What feelings?” I scoffed.
“You know, I used to take my shower in PE close to your locker because I wanted you to look at me.”
“So you could catch me looking and beat the shit out of me? It wasn’t enough to slap me around in front of your friends? Do you know how that sounds?”
He touched my arm. “Here?” We sat on a bench. “I was afraid my friends would find out that I was attracted to you. Everyone assumed you were gay because you didn’t date anyone.”
“You were too smart for that, weren’t you.”
“Yeah, I fucked a few girls. When Danny knocked up Elaine, I let people think that I did it. I gave her money to take care of it so her friends would think it was me. I was terrified people would find out I liked guys. And I liked you most of all.”
I noted a fog entering my brain. I was conflicted by the desire to tell him how much I wanted to fuck him. I wanted to know once and for all how it would feel to be inside him, to feel the warmth of his tunnel holding my cock tightly as I penetrated deep inside him, to have him kiss me with those luscious lips while I stared into his eyes and released my seed into his gut. And I wanted to feel him slide in and out of me, telling me that he loved me, bringing me to orgasm with just the sensation of his wonderful cock sliding across my prostate, and then ejaculating load after load of his semen into me. At the same time, I wanted to kick him so hard in the balls that it crushed his nuts as I punched his face so hard he never again looked out on the world with that handsome face.
I felt his hand touch my knee and rub the inner surface. “I’d like the chance to know you, Brad. I’ve got a great job, and we could travel and make love in exotic places. If you’ll just give me a chance to prove the real me is not who I pretended to be when we were kids.”
“You know, David, I think you really mean that. I do believe you’re honestly sorry for the way you acted. And, I’ll admit that I wonder what it would be like to fuck you, but that’s all it would ever be. There wouldn’t be any love-making. To be honest, I’d rather spend the rest of my life masturbating myself to sleep than to be with you.
“For what it’s worth, I think I did love you when we were in high school. Even after that time that you hit me and all your friends spit on me, I thought I deserved it. I wanted so much for you to tell me you loved me; I would have kept your secret.
“I’ve realized since then that I’m worth more than that. I hope you do find happiness. Maybe we could have had happiness, but that time is gone.”
I saw tears well up in his eyes. He had realized how much he had missed out, and I realized that I was free of the past.
“Good luck, David. I truly hope that you find love.” I got up and walked away. I didn’t look back.
I stopped at a street vendor and ordered a gyro, the best-tasting one I’d ever eaten. I walked back to my apartment nibbling on it and sipping the water I’d purchased with it. Even the water tasted better. I skipped up the stairs of my building, and I didn’t wait for the elevator.
I rounded the corner of floor six and saw someone sitting in front of my door. Elliott Rodriguez turned his head and smiled when he saw me. I sat down next to him.
“I’ve sobered up a little.”
“Have you?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“I’m not sorry I said most of those things to you,” he told me.
“No? Why’s that?” I was smiling at him. I had decided to ask him out on a date.
“Because you’re the nicest guy in the office, and you’re handsome, and you’re sexy.”
“Are you sure you’re not talking about yourself?” I inquired.
“Me? I’m none of those things. Well, I am nice,” he admitted.
I reached up and pulled his head toward mine and touched his right temple with my left. “You’re more than nice,” I said.
His eyes looked up into mine. He pulled his lower lip into his mouth. I could see the bottom of his top teeth, and then he smiled very broadly. “I like you,” he whispered. “I like you a lot.”
I bent my head around and pressed my lips to his. “I like you, too.”
“Want to get something to eat?” Could he be any cuter?
“Are you hungry?”
“Maybe a little.”
“I just had a gyro,” I told him. “It was really good. I could go for another. Unless you want some Ritz crackers with cheese. Or some saltines. I can probably put on some chicken noodle soup.”
“Some saltines and soup would be great. Do you think I’m a slut?”
“No.” I tilted my head and brought my eyebrows together. “Why would I think that?”
“Because of what I said earlier.”
“You were drunk,” I said, trying to reassure him.
“But it was true, what I said. I do want to go to bed with you.”
“And I want to go to bed with you. It’s natural when two guys are attracted to each other.”
“It’s more than that, I think.” He turned his head and looked down the hall.”
“Let’s find out if there’s more than that.” I stood up. “First, let’s feed you.” I helped him up. I hadn’t noticed before that we were almost the same height and had similar builds. I think I’d only noticed how nice he was and how cute he could smile. And to be honest, I’d tried not to think about how I was sexually attracted to him.
I led him into my efficiency apartment. It had three rooms, a bathroom, a closet, and a room with a kitchen on one end. My bed was to the right, and a small sofa faced the wall with the TV. A small table with two chairs was next to the only window.
“This is nice. I share an apartment. The room’s not much bigger than my twin bed.”
“My bed’s a full, and there’s barely room to walk on one side of it.”
“It’s really clean. My roommates are pigs.”
“That makes it hard.”
“There are other problems, too. I’m on a waiting list; sometimes I think I should bring my stuff to the office and sleep there. I could use the shower in the gym.”
“I thought about that, too, before this place came open.” I poured some soup into each of the two bowls that I owned and placed them on the table. I found the crackers and poured each of us a glass of water from the filtered pitcher.
Elliott sat down and I joined him. “For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful.”
He looked up from his food and smiled. I felt happier than I had in a truly long time.
“Thank you,” said Elliott. “I feel welcomed.” He looked down at his soup. “And happy.”
“I’m glad, now, eat your soup. I want to kiss you again, but not until we’ve eaten and brushed our teeth.”
“My toothbrush is at home.”
We said nothing else while we ate; instead, we kept looking up at each other and smiling. When we finished, I took the bowls, rinsed them out, and placed them in a plastic pan of soapy water. I added the spoons but left the glasses on the table. Elliott watched me, and when I had finished, I led him by hand to the bathroom, where I got out a new toothbrush and small tube of toothpaste.
“These are yours. I opened the third drawer down, and this is your drawer.” We brushed our teeth. He switched between laughing and getting a serious look on his face.
“Did I miss any spots?” he chuckled with a smile.
“Let me see.” I moved in and kissed him. His lips were soft and minty. He opened his mouth and I ran my tongue across his lips. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me to him. I sucked his lower lip into my mouth, and he moved his hand down to my ass and pushed our groins together.
“Wow, Brad. I’ve been dreaming about this, I can’t believe this is happening.”
I found myself smiling. “I should have asked you out the first week you started working. Let’s go over to the couch and make out.” I started to chuckle.
Our easy, gentle kissing began to grow more passionate. My hands kept moving from his chest to his thighs to his hardening penis while my tongue couldn’t decide whether to fight his tongue or lick his jawline and earlobe.
At one point, Elliott pushed me back and worked at getting my pants off. He began licking my cock and sending me over the edge. He gripped my dick with his lips and slid them down to the base of my shaft in one smooth motion. It felt so good that I threw my head back and cracked my skull against the wall.
Elliott immediately stopped and asked whether I was OK.
I laughed. “Best blowjob ever. I’m seeing stars.”
He pulled my pants off and dragged me over to the bed. He began to unbutton my shirt.
“Hey, you’re getting me naked. Are you sure? I mean, you’re still wearing your shirt.”
He smiled and kissed me again. With that, he unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt and slipped it over his head.
Fuck! but he had great pecs; just a little bit of hair covered them with more along his sternum. I leaned forward and sucked on each nipple.
“Let me get your shirt off,” he laughed.
“Get your pants off. I want to suck you dry.”
He paused for a moment, as though he couldn’t believe I would want to. I noticed that he swallowed hard, unsure of what to say. I reached forward and unbuckled his pants, unbuttoned them, and undid the zipper. As I moved onto my knees, I pulled his pants and underwear down in one motion. His dick, his perfect dick, sprung out, stiff, a full, hard, seven inches of uncut dick, pointed slightly down. It was beautiful; it was the dick every man would wish to have. His balls hung down, the right farther down than the left. The foreskin revealing the piss-hole and about half of the head.
I looked up at him. “Your dick is the most perfect dick in the world.” I moved forward and placed it into my mouth, gently wrapping my lips around it. My hands moved up to his ass cheeks, and I cupped each in my palms. I held him there as his cock slid into my mouth. I felt the foreskin move and uncover the head as it pushed the back of my mouth and struggled for a second to enter my throat. The sensation of his dick moving into my throat made me shiver.
Elliott gasped and then emitted an “Oh, fuck.”
I moved his cock in and out of my mouth and throat several times before standing and kissing him again. I noticed that his eyes were misty, and I pulled back the covers of the bed and motioned him to lie face down. I got on my knees behind him and began to run my lower teeth over his ass cheeks. Then I pulled his cheeks apart and ran my tongue down his crack. I heard him squeal with pleasure when my tongue circled his anus. My intention was to finger fuck him before rolling him over to suck him while my fingers continued to massage his prostate. I hoped he would fill my mouth with his seed.
He was moaning, almost uncontrollably, as my fingers found his spot, and as I rolled him over, he looked up at me. “Fuck me, Brad, please.”
I could not resist. He wanted me, and I wanted him. I grabbed the lubricant that I had under the bed, and with my throbbing hard penis dripping with lube and precum, I pushed into him. With Elliott’s hands gripped around his ankles and his ass pointed toward me, I entered him until my dick could go no further. My hands reached under his shoulders, and my mouth kissed him as I began slowly to fuck him.
The sensation of his warm tunnel holding tightly as I penetrated then withdrew from him was one that I had not noticed before. His eyes begged me to continue. His squeals and moans were squelched by lips locked around his tongue as it moved in and out of my mouth. Somehow he wrapped his legs around me and his heels pushed against my ass as I moved into him. I began to feel the urge to come. My balls pulled tight against me; they no longer slapped against his ass. I didn’t want this sensation to end. For the first time, fucking didn’t feel like masturbation; it felt like a connection to another person, but I could hold back no longer. I pushed hard into him. He threw his head back, and I fucking came as I had never done before. Four times we banged together, and I released my seed into his bowels.
After my last ejaculation, Elliott held me there with his legs. Tears began to run down his cheeks. “That was awesome, Brad. No one’s ever fucked me before, and I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it was nothing like that.”
I looked down at him. “Oh, baby. That was more than fucking. That was more than just sex.”
“I knew it would be; I just knew the first time I saw you. He relaxed his legs. I slowly slipped out of him, but he kept a tight grip on my cum.
I nuzzled up next to him. “If you thought that was awesome, just wait until you’re inside me making love.”