Fallen

Chapter 1
I stood there stupidly, looking at Karly’s mother, Marsha. She was standing in the bedroom of my home, looking at me expectantly. She had just informed me that I would be coming come with her and Karly for the holiday…

Karly was still wrapped up in my arms, having found her Christmas presents and having said thank you for them in the second nicest way I could think of at the moment, by kissing me passionately.

Suddenly she pushed me back, “Outta the way, I’m packing here!” she announced.

I looked at her, hoping she would just stop, but knowing that she wouldn’t. The look on Mrs. Kay’s face told me that she was not going to be brooking any lip from me on this issue. I knew that the two of them had cornered me and there was nothing to be done at this point other than go to it and make my way out the other side…

I smiled dumbly at Mrs. Kay. “Would you like a… tour?” I asked her with a finishing smile.

Her face lit up, “I would love one Gabby!”

I pointed at the floor, “Bedroom slash living room. Uh, kitchen, bathroom. That concludes our tour. Our next tour will be in two minutes with a new tour beginning every two minutes after that…”

She laughed, a genuine, true laugh, “Gabby, the way Karly talks about this place you would think it would be the Taj Mahal! Show me around!”

An embarrassed look passed my face, “Your daughter sees my little place through rose colored glasses.” I held my arms out, “Look at the troll she’s dating… she’s not much one for taste…”

A shirt came flying out of my closet and hit me in the head, “Fuck you! I have great taste!”

You taste great… I thought guiltily to myself…

I smiled at her mom again. “Uh. Bedroom.” I pointed to my shitty little twin bed, which had seen its fair share of me and Karly crawling around in it lately… “Bed.” My shitty little chair, “Chair.” My pile of cinder blocks and boards, “Bookcase.”

Mrs. Kay made a weird cooing noise and ran over to look at the books piled up there.

Women make the weirdest noises… I thought to myself.

How many pairs of underwear do you need?” Karly yelled from out of the closet behind me…

I was watching Karly’s mom paw at my books and I answered without thinking… “I don’t plan on soiling myself, so one…” I spun around, “Why are you pawing through my underwear? Karly! Your mom is right here!”

She poked her head out and had a pair of my underwear wrapped around her head.

Oh, my fucking god! I thought in horror.

Mrs. Kay looked back and snorted in laughter, “Oh Karly! Let me take a picture of you two together!”

Karly ran up and looked at the camera, one eye poking out through a leg hole of my underwear…

The picture was one of pure horror on my face as the two ladies swarmed around my house entertaining themselves.

I’ve died, and this is hell. I thought to myself…

Karly turned her head so she could look at me through the leg hole of the underwear… “So how many pairs…?”

“Please pack them all…” I asked her in horror, mainly to end the line of questioning as quickly and painlessly as possible.

A horrible, horrible thought occurred to me right then and I quickly glanced back and snuck a look at Karly’s mom… she was still thankfully engrossed in looking over my collection of books.

I ran back quickly and grabbed one of the presents, a special one wrapped in special wrapping paper, I grabbed it and stuffed it into the very bottom of the bag that Karly was packing for me.

She gave me a questioning look and I met her eyes and gave her a very firm shake of the head letting her know that she did not want her family watching her open that one…

Her eyebrows raised quickly and she gave me a smirk.

“You have a lot of really great books!” I spun around to see Marsha holding up one of my favorites, “Gardens of the Moon” by Steven Erikson. “Can I borrow this one?”

I nodded, “Of course, I love that one! It’s part of one my favorite series! That one is really just okay, but the second one is my favorite book ever! I pulled it down and handed it to Marsha too.”

She preened like a peacock and tucked the books under her arm. “Do you like to read?” She asked me.

I nodded enthusiastically, “I love to read. I always have something I’m reading… though I’m lazy and go mostly for fiction.”

She smiled at me, and I saw where Karly got her infectious smile from, “My Joshua is like that, though usually he’s reading some boring history book!” She looked at me expectantly, “So shall we continue the tour?”

I realized I was supposed to be showing her around my little place then. “Oh, yeah, right.” I pointed at my small flat screen TV, the DVD player that went with it, “TV, DVD player, Karly helped me get that with her snow shoveling.”

Karly poked her head back out of the closet, “Cause I’m the bomb!” she quickly ducked back in.

What the hell is she packing in there I thought wildly… I only have so many clothes… is she moving me out? I thought in a panic.

I gestured towards the kitchen, and Mrs. Kay moved in that direction. “Fridge, range, counters, sink, my dinner table slash study desk.”

She moved into the kitchen and I was surprised how much she reminded me of her daughter the first time I had shown her around my little cell. She looked at me, “I’ve never seen a young man’s house so clean, Gabby. You should be proud of yourself!”

I smiled shyly, unwilling to accept the praise. “I live simply, ma’am. Easy to keep things clean when you don’t have much.”

She looked at my little single serve coffee maker, the one I had gotten for Karly so she could have coffee when she slept over. “Oh, I love those little things, can I have a cup?” She asked me.

“Sure!” I beamed with pride, “Coffee or tea?” I asked her.

It sounded like a herd of elephants were running from the front room…

Karly appeared at the entryway to the kitchen, “Coffee? She asked me excitedly. You got a coffee machine?”

I laughed at her excitement, forgetting that I had forgotten to tell her about the machine I had bought just for her. “I got it for you cause you’re such a grumpy head in the morning without coffee.”

She went completely still and my heart dropped into my stomach… “Oops.” I said aloud. Looks like I just let the cat out of the bag about Karly staying over a few times…

I looked slowly over to Mrs. Kay.

Dear God: I don’t ask for much, and normally I would never ask you for something like this, but please tell me she had a stroke and dropped dead and didn’t hear that…

She just looked at me with a smile on her face. She walked over and pinched my cheek hard. “Thank you for being a terrible liar Gabby!” she gave her daughter a cross look, “Unlike some…”

I felt terrible. I needed to make this right… “Mrs. Kay, it’s my fault… not- “

She waved her hand at me dismissively, “Pish Posh. If my Joshua had had his own apartment at 18 I would never have left his bed!”

“Mom!” Karly screamed, “Gross!”

Mrs. Kay looked her daughter square in the eye… “And he was so good…” she whispered in a sultry voice…

Karly rubbed at her head viciously, “Ew, ew, ew… that one’s burning its way in for sure!”

She walked over and hit me, “You’re going to pay for that one…” she told me.

I looked at her seriously, “You remember the Joe incident?”

Her eyebrows raised and she looked at her mom very carefully… “So, how about that coffee!” she announced, giving me a venomous look.

“I stepped aside, you ladies pick out what you want!” I announced cheerfully, while I went over to the cupboard and got out the two coffee cups that I had bought so Karly and I could have coffee together. Never in my wildest dreams had it occurred to me that I might be having coffee for more than two…

They busied themselves with the machine and I used it as an excuse to dive back into the bedroom to see what Karly had packed for me.

How did she jam so much in my bags so quickly? I asked myself when I looked.

She had my travel bag packed already, filled to the brim with nearly every piece of clothing I owned. My book bag was filled with my wrestling gear, my singlet, my shoes, my headgear, she had even thrown in my emergency bag, which held rolls of athletic tape, nail clippers, a file, a bunch of band aids and a few tampons (which were great for stopping nose bleeds on the mat).

I finished zipping the bags up and threw one over my shoulder while carrying the other into the kitchen with the ladies.

Karly was breathing over a cup of hot coffee, trying to cool it down. Her mom’s cup had just finished brewing. I dropped my bag on the floor. “I’m guessing since you packed my whole house for me, I’m not getting to come back here before we leave for the tournament…”

Karly gave me a beaming smile, set her cup down and ran over and kissed me. When we broke it off, I leaned in and whispered in her ear, “I love you, but I’m so going to kill you for this…”

She just smiled at me and gave me another earth-shattering kiss. Then she leaned in and whispered, “Suck it, loser!”

My jaw jutted out at her, showing her what I thought of that…

Her mom interrupted us with a polite clearing of her throat. “Have you come to terms with what’s happening yet Gabby?”

I looked at her. “On one condition… what do you think of my house?”

She laughed, “You need to get some more furniture… this place needs a woman’s touch!”

I laughed at her. “Okay… since you were honest with me, I’ll go with you…”

Chapter 2
We pulled up to Karly’s house and I knew I was in serious trouble…

Fuck me, this place is huge! I noted as I looked at the beautiful home before me…

I shook my head… one room in this place… probably the bathroom, was going to be bigger than my entire house.

I walked in awestruck. We parked in the garage, which I noticed, was bigger than my entire apartment. There were three cars parked inside, Karly’s mother’s Escalade, an F-250 pickup and Karly’s little Toyota. Besides that, the entire garage was lined with power tools and assorted machinery. I saw an expensive table saw, a beautiful drill press, a metal working and a woodworking lathe, even a milling machine.

Holy fuck! I thought as I looked around. This was probably the simplest room of the house and yet it held a hundred times the value of my entire house, and that wasn’t even counting the value of the cars!

Karly looked at me as I took in everything. “Don’t you freeze up on me. It’s all just stuff.” She warned…

I looked at her and gave her a weak smile…

How am I ever going to give her all of this? I asked myself in wonder.

She smiled and pecked my cheek. “Come on, let’s get inside.” She asked me.

We exited the garage into a beautiful kitchen. Modern appliances, a free-standing kitchen island. Again, the entirety of my house could fit into the room with standing room besides.

Karly’s dad, Joshua, looked up at as from the center island of the kitchen as we walked in. He was rubbing an enormous pile of steaks with seasoning and piling them up on a plate. “Hey! How are all of you? How were the roads?!” He asked with excitement.

I was a little taken aback. Joshua had struck me as a pretty reserved man the first time I had met him. Now, however, he seemed like a little kid. Maybe it was the difference between his public and his private face, or maybe he was just infected with the spirit of the holiday?

Marsha walked up to him, draped her arms around him and gave an enormous kiss.

Well, now I know where Karly learned to drop those world shattering kisses on me… I thought.

I looked over at Karly to gauge her reaction and saw a look of naked pride on her face. She was proud of the relationship her parents had, and seemed terribly glad of their happiness. She caught me looking and took my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. I was enormously glad to have her support.

I felt extremely awkward for having been there and without her hand in mine I probably would have chickened out and run for the door.

Joshua came up for air and looked at me. He seemed to be genuinely glad to see me. “Gabby! I’m glad you decided to join us!” he nearly shouted.

I realized then why Karly compared me to him so often. He had the same tendency to get overly loud when he got excited, like I did.

I looked at the floor shyly, “Thank you for having me, Mr. Kay.” I added, “Not to minimalize, but it’s not like I had much choice with these two dragging me bodily out the door.”

He laughed, and gave a dismissive wave, “Yeah, the two of them are pretty brutal when they team up…” He met my eyes, “And call me Joshua. There’s no need for any Mr. Kay’s here…”

I smiled at him, “That’s going to be extremely hard for me sir… I was raised that you called an adult with an honorific… going to be a hard habit to break.”

He raised his eyebrows at me, “Well, you’re an adult now too.” He turned his head slightly and raised his eyebrows, “Nobody will give you anything in this world son, if you treat everybody as if they’re better than you, many will take advantage of that, and treat you like they’re better than you.”

I smiled back at him. Joshua was a man that liked to throw you a lot of little tests… “But, if you treat people with respect and dignity you’ll learn quickly the measure of their personality. A man may think he’s better than me,” I shook my head, “doesn’t mean he is, and I now know what kind of person he is, how honest, how likely to take advantage of me.”

His laugh was a boom in the room. He walked over and offered me his hand, “Karly, I love this young man!” he announced.

I dropped my bag and gave him my firmest handshake this time, not in a contest of wills, just a firm handshake that told him I was there.

He smiled at me warmly and met my pressure. “You have an excellent handshake, son. That will take you places if you let it.”

I blushed a bit at his compliment. “Thank you, sir.” I said politely.

He clapped me on the back. “Karly, why don’t you help him put his stuff up, while I throw these on the grill.”

She smiled at him ear to ear, “Okay!” then she looked at me, “We’re going to have a full house, so you’re going to be sleeping in my room!”

Dread. My eyes snapped wide in horror, “No I will not be!” I informed her.

Karly stopped and gave me one of her patented, Karly is not happy, looks.

I pointed back to the garage, “I can sleep in the garage… I can just throw my blanket in the back of your dad’s truck… I’ll be fine.”

Then I realized my girlfriend had just told her family I was going to be sleeping her room with her dad standing within punching distance of my oh so valuable face…

I looked at him in horror only to see him laughing. He looked at Karly, “Is he for real?” He asked her…

She looked at him with a wry smile on her face, nodding, “Afraid so daddy…”

Joshua clapped me hard on the arm, “Tell you what, I’m going to go put these steaks on the grill. Karly, can you show Gabby into my den and he and I can talk? We can discuss the house rules and expectations and maybe that will make him a bit more comfortable.”

Okay. So, I knew this was coming. I had to expect it.

Karly took my bags from me and walked me to an enormous room. It had a couple of rich, brown leather chairs, a couple of beautiful end tables and a very expensive looking leather couch. Books and rugs lined the walls. There was an actual stuffed bear in the corner, as well as three enormous gun safes and a brace of shotguns hung up on the wall.

There was a computer workstation and a workbench that held a partially disassembled AR-15 rifle, along with assorted tools, and cleaning materials.

I looked at Karly, “Are those loaded….?” I pointed to the shotguns.

She gave me a measured look, “Don’t be a drama queen. Daddy is a big barker, but he doesn’t have any bite. Besides, he loves you, because you remind him of himself at his age…”

I leaned forward and gave her a very chaste kiss and then ran my fingers down her face and held my hand to my heart in our own personal little salute. “If that’s the case he knows exactly what’s running through my head every time I look at you… trust me. He doesn’t like me after that!”

She ran her fingers down my face as I had for her and laughed. “It will be okay. He’ll be in in a minute. Just wait here and I’ll throw your stuff in my room… maybe I’ll open up the present you hid in your bag!” she tossed to me as she walked from the room.

“Don’t you dare!” I yelled at her as she walked away… that present was going to take some explaining…

She started to walk away… “Oh, and yes, they are probably loaded…” she tossed over her shoulder…

Like that she was gone and I was left alone to await my death…

I walked over and examined the shotguns hanging on the rack. A Remington 870, a pretty textbook pump action shotgun. A Benelli, M2 Turkey Edition, and a Kel-Tec KSG. All three seemed well cared for, and all three were very different shotguns meant for three pretty different applications.

A voice startled me from my study, “Wondering if they’re loaded?”

I turned and saw Joshua walk into the room, closing the door behind him.

I smiled and told him, “I already asked Karly that exact question.”

He stepped up next to me and looked at the shotguns with me. “Do you like firearms?”

I smiled and looked at him, “Very much so sir…”

He gave me a measured glance, “You know not to touch, right?”

I laughed, “I’m in enough trouble with you sir, no way I’m digging that hole any deeper by going and handling a firearm in your home without your permission.”

Our attention turned back to the firearms. I could tell he was curious about my views, “Which is the nicest?” he asked me. A clear test.

“Depends on your view and the application. The Benelli M2 is the most expensive, and if I was going turkey or duck hunting, it would be my first choice, though the choke would have to be adjusted for duck hunting. That’s a turkey choke tube.” I pointed at it. “This one is a custom shop model, so it probably doesn’t have the reliability issues most semi auto shotguns have, but the KSG is a high capacity combat shotgun. Duel, high capacity tubes carry a lot of ammo in a very compact platform. Short bullpup design makes it easy to work in close spaces. Pump action so reliability is most likely pretty good.” I frowned, “Of course, the 870 is a workhorse with decades of proven reliability. A good shooter can keep it fed while they fight, plus its bare basic so it is going to be completely reliable, so that makes it a good choice.” I turned and looked at him, “So in short, it depends on the application.”

I could see a tremendous amount of approval in his eyes. “Do you shoot a lot?”

I smiled, “My dad started me when I was really young, but it’s been years since I’ve gone.” My eyes went a little distant, “That part of our relationship went cold a long time ago.”

He clapped me on the back, “Why don’t we have a seat?”

I stopped him, “One thing. You have a $3,500 shotgun hanging on the wall… what’s in the safes?”

He smiled at me. “Maybe one day you will find out.”

I smiled back and had a seat in one of the chairs. It was amazingly comfortable. This was not going to be a pleasant conversation… but at least I would die comfortable.

Joshua walked over and opened a cupboard, to what, I shit you not, appeared to be a wet bar…

He looked over his shoulder at me, “Would you like a scotch?”

I laughed, “No, thank you, sir.”

He looked back at me with some seriousness in his eyes… “I wouldn’t normally offer an underage young man a drink in my home, but, you look like you could relax a bit, and it is a holiday.” He raised his eyebrows, “One time offer, well, one time until the next holiday or you turn 21.”

I laughed and smiled again. “Still, no thank you, sir.”

He tilted his head at me, “You sure?”

I smiled at him, “I don’t drink sir.”

His face went deadpan, “Really?”

I laughed at him outright this time, this was going to hurt a bit to admit, “No sir. My mom’s a pretty heavy alcoholic. That tends to run in families, no way I’m letting that demon ever crawl onto my back.”

His face lit up in an amazing smile, “Smart man.” He took a sip from his drink, wincing a bit at what I assumed was the burn, “Smarter than me at your age anyway.”

It seemed as if a thought suddenly occurred to him, “You don’t mind if I?” he raised his glass.

I nodded, “Not at all sir, I really don’t have a problem with anyone that drinks around me responsibly. If it helps you enjoy your life, and you don’t get violent because of it, do what makes you happy!”

He gave me a warm smile and moved to sit down. He started to speak and I interrupted him, rather rudely I guess…

“Sir, please let me apologize to you…” I took a deep breath and watched as surprise went across his face. “I haven’t been with your daughter for very long, and it really isn’t my place to intrude on your family holiday. I swear to you, I begged Karly to just let me stay at home, I told her it really wasn’t a big deal. Had she not showed up at my place with your wife I would not be here…”

He smiled at me. “Karly made the right decision in bringing you here. She was right, you should not be alone for the holiday. You are always welcome here so long as you treat my daughter with respect and dignity, whether or not you’re with her romantically. People need people that care about them in their lives. I’ve not known you for long now, but you strike me as a particular young man and I find you engaging. My wife is also completely taken with you, and in the more than 20 years I’ve been with her I’ve found her instincts about people to be infallible. In fact, you might be surprised but the reason you are here was because I insisted once I found out.”

I found myself really liking this man. I liked the way he talked, the way he carried himself, the way that he seemed to measure each word…

I nodded and pressed on, “I also owe you another apology…the other night, I…” I paused, trying to collect my thoughts and find the best way to say this, I sighed, “I broke down. I lost control of myself and spiraled down pretty low,” In truth, I had had a complete depressive breakdown. Karly had needed to stay at my house and keep an eye on me. She was expected home, and I had prevented that from happening…

I continued, “In fact, I should have come over here the next day and begged your apology then… I shouldn’t have let that fall on Karly,” I really was kicking myself in the ass for letting that one slide… it was a stupid move, a mistake I vowed to never let myself repeat. Making a mistake was forgivable, not asking for forgiveness when you made a mistake from those you’d wronged was not.

I took another deep breath, “I’m sorry for that. I can’t fix that, but I give you my word it will never happen again. I also promise that I will do everything in my power going forward to ensure that I have your daughter home on time when you expect her. And I promise to maintain a sense of propriety in my actions with your daughter…”

He laughed at me… it stung a little.

He took a sip from his drink, “You are a very proper young man… I’ll give you that.”

I looked up and him and didn’t even realize I had been looking at the floor. “Sorry, sir.”

He shook his head, “There’s nothing to be sorry about son. It’s a compliment, take it as such.”

I nodded, “Thank you, sir.”

He continued, “Is that why you think I had you come in here, to demand apologies from you?”

I bit the inside of my lip, “I don’t know why you brought me in here… but if you go for a shotgun I’m throwing something at your head and running…”

He laughed at my little joke. “Do I strike you as a stupid man Gabby?”

I immediately shook my head and sat up straight, “No sir.”

He laughed again, “Sit back and relax son.” I sat back and relaxed while he continued. “Do you know that when I leave town and let my daughter stay behind I always speak with my neighbor and ask him to keep an eye on the place, and Karly?”

Busted… I looked at the floor, “No sir.”

He smiled at me like he was a hyena… “Neither does my daughter. I ask that you keep it that way. I don’t do it because I don’t trust her, I do it because I want to make sure my little girl stays safe.”

I nodded to him. His interests and mine matched in this respect, “She won’t hear about it from me, I swear it…”

He allowed me a small bow, “So imagine my surprise when he told me that she didn’t come home all weekend…”

I grimaced. He continued, “I assume by the look on your face that means my daughter most likely spent the weekend with you…?”

I looked him in the eye, he deserved that at least, “Sir, I really don’t want to lie to you… but I also don’t want to answer that question…”

He smiled. “At least you’re discreet.” He paused and took another sip from his drink, wincing at the burn. I could tell he drank, but not often. My respect for him grew….

“In any case. My daughter is 18 years old. Had she been born a week or two earlier she would most likely be off at college and her choices would be completely out of my hands at this point.” He gave me an appraising look, “I also know my daughter is a sexual creature…” his eyes narrowed, “Are you sleeping with my daughter…?”

My eyes hardened. This was not his business, father or not… “Sir.” I took a deep breath to steady myself.

Hey, look on the bright side, at least you won’t be sticking around for the holiday…

I continued, “I won’t answer that question. Not to you. Not to anyone. Ever. What happens between your daughter and me is our business and not anyone else’s. That is something sacred and I will not give it away to anybody that thinks they have a right to it. Am I clear…?”

His eyes narrowed and I could tell his respect for me actually ratcheted up a notch. He took a deep breath and shook his head… “Son. You are either the best young man I could ever hope for my daughter to have brought home, or a hell of a conman…” his eyes hardened, “I hope very much it is the former…”

I smiled at him, “For your daughter, I will always try to be!”

He appraised me a moment longer and finally wrinkled his chin at me, “Fair enough. The answer to that question really doesn’t matter. I trust my daughter’s judgment, and I will continue to do so right up until she proves herself unworthy of that trust.” He took another sip of his drink, “I won’t lie, I’m not impressed with how fast your relationship turned physical, but I also know my daughter has had her eye on you for quite some time, and if she’s anything like her mother… she can be… convincing about getting what she wants…”

I shared a knowing smile with him.

He took another deep breath. “What I’m trying to say, son, is if you are sleeping with my daughter, sticking you in separate rooms is not going to stop the two of you from having sex. And since I have no intention of babysitting the two of you while you’re here, I might as well let my daughter enjoy her life, and keep the emphasis on reducing the temptation for anyone to turn dishonest. I value honesty far more than I value propriety.”

I really got the sense I was getting an enormous break here… and way too much opportunity to screw up.

I nodded my head, “Thank you, sir.”

He raised his glass at me, “So please, stop pretending that you don’t like my daughter. Please stop pretending that that you are not head over heels for her. If I have a problem with anything you’re doing, I’m a man, I can speak up, and take you aside privately and explain my expectations. Fair?”

I nodded enthusiastically, ready for this conversation to be over, “Very much so, sir.”

He took another drink from his scotch, “And could you drop the sir shit…?”

I smiled, “That is going to be very hard, sir…”

HAHA, already fucked that one up, stupid! “So, no, sir, no Mister?”

He gave me a look, “Why don’t we try to compromise. My friends call me Josh. You can maintain your semblance of formality and call me Joshua?”

I smiled at him, “I’ll try.”

“That’s all we can all do, son.” He smiled at me, “Now, we both have beautiful young ladies waiting for us in the other room, what say we go enjoy our time with them?”

Chapter 3
We walked together to the kitchen. Karly’s mom was doing food prep and Karly was sitting at the kitchen island watching her. Mrs. Kay looked up from a pot of water she was filling. “You two get things sorted out?”

Joshua clapped his hand on my back, “Yep, I think so!”

I smiled, Karly looked at me, worried about me obviously, “You okay?” She asked me.

I walked up and kissed her lightly, then turned and looked at Joshua. He just looked at me, smiled and then laid a kiss on his wife that put the one I put on Karly to shame. When he came up for air he gave me a shit eating look, daring me to beat him…

“So, I assume this means you’re sleeping in my room with no further complaints?” She asked me.

“Yes dear.” I said humbly.

Her mother looked at her, “Smart and trainable, I like it!”

Karly preened, “You just need to keep them on a short leash!”

I wasn’t interested in getting into that competition. I moved behind Karly and rubbed her shoulders. She stretched and reached back grabbing me and pulling me closer. I stopped rubbing her shoulders and wrapped my arms around her, breathing in her vanilla scent.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed her. Then a thought occurred to me. “Can I help you, Mrs. Kay?”

Mrs. Kay looked at her husband, he looked at her and said, “Good luck getting him to stop… if you can you’re smarter than me.”

She gave me a harsh look. “Do you intend to stay in my good graces young man?”

I stood up straight and looked her in the eye. “Yes, ma’am.”

She met my stare evenly, “Then you will not call me Mrs. Kay, and you will not call me ma’am.”

I made sure that I did not slip this time, “Yes, Marsha, you have my word.”

Marsha looked at her husband, “See. You just have to be direct.”

He looked wounded, “No fair!” He protested, “He would have shit himself and ran it I’d have tried that!”

She laughed and swatted his chest, another habit Karly had that she seemed to have inherited from her mother.

I moved around the kitchen island, “What are we making here?”

Marsha looked at me, “Mashed potatoes and garlic bread, to go with the steaks Joshua is making.”

I noticed Marsha called her husband Joshua too… a good point to observe.

I looked at Marsha, “Go grab some time with your husband, I can do mashed potatoes and garlic bread!”

Marsha looked at Karly, Karly’s face lit up beautifully, “He can cook really well mom, you should let him.”

Marsha looked at me, “I don’t really like the idea of a guest in my home cooking me dinner…”

I smiled at her to disarm her, “And I don’t like the idea of freeloading.” I looked down at the island, “Please let me help.”

Joshua pulled his wife’s arm. “Come on dear, I want to smoke a cigar, you can come outside and join me while I watch the steaks!”

I looked at Joshua, “How much time do I have before the steaks are done?”

He looked at his watch, “About two hours.”

Shit! Steaks took that long to cook on the grill? What’s the point? I wondered.

“And how many am I cooking for?” I asked them.

Karly counted in her head, “Well, us four, plus Sam, her boyfriend, and three grandparents.”

I looked at them in shock. “So, nine all together?” That was a big family!

Karly looked at me and said, “Yep!”

Marsha came around the island and gave me a big hug. “Thank you for helping out… you’re a good boy. Call me from outside if you need help.” With that she let me go and started to follow her husband outside.

Karly yelled, “No, mom! It’s okay, I’m not going to stay and help! I don’t need a hug!”

Marsha turned around and laughed, “See if you can teach her to cook, will you? A big boy like you needs food and in her current state she’s going to starve you to death!”

Karly leaned over the island to better see her mom, “I’m a fabulous cook!”

I laughed and added, “She does an amazing scrambled egg!”

Marsha rolled her eyes at me as I realized I had put my foot in my mouth again…

She looked me in the eye and told me, “Gabby, you’re still a terrible liar! Keep it up!” And like that she was out the door.

Karly threw a towel at my head, “Way to go snitch!”

I caught the towel, “Don’t sweat it, they knew you stayed with me this weekend.”

She laughed, “I know they have our neighbor Frank spy on me, they think I don’t know.”

I rolled my eyes at her. “Thanks for telling me that earlier!”

Karly’s eyebrows shot up and she peeked to make sure her mom was gone, “Wanna bend me over the counter… we could to it quick…”

I gave her a warning look…

She laughed and I started pulling things together for the meal, peeling potatoes and putting them in a pot, prepping bread. Karly watched over my shoulder and I explained what I was doing. She took it all in and eventually started helping, and taking quick, stolen kisses from me. I had a ton of fun cooking with her, and was really enjoying the space and convenience from the modern kitchen.

Guests started to show about an hour and a half later. I mostly stayed shyly in the kitchen, but made sure to introduce myself to each member of her family. Truth be told I was a little overwhelmed with the number of people running around. Joshua seemed to understand and share my reluctance. His mother was here and I noticed that things seemed a little strained between the two of them…

Steaks came off the grill and into the kitchen just as I was finishing up with my portion of dinner. I noticed Joshua stayed nearby. We talked about guns and he informed me of a ton of stuff I didn’t know. He asked me what my interest in them was and I told him I always found weapons fascinating. It was always something that just seemed to click in my mind. I found out he owned a local gun shop in town and did work as a gunsmith there. It very much interested me to find out that you could make amazing money doing something like working with firearms… something I put into the back of my mind to explore later…

Just as we were ready to serve dinner he pulled me aside, “I get it son. Crowds are a little overwhelming. Just give me a look and step outside if things start getting too overwhelming for you.” His eyes met mine, “Got it?”

I smiled appreciatively, “I appreciate it.”

He looked deep into my eyes, “I know a little of what you’ve been through. I’ve been there too… you can handle this, and if things start to get too intense with anyone, just let me know and I’ll step in. Control your breathing and if anyone asks you something that’s too personal, or starts to cut you too deep, just tell them you’re shy, and I’ll step in, okay?”

I nodded, in truth, I felt deep relief knowing the older man was looking out for me. “Also, keep close to Karly, she’ll take care of you.”

I bit my lip and nodded. “Thank you.”

Dinner went really well. I was a little surprised to see us all seated at an enormous dinner table that sat all of us comfortably. Karly sat right beside me and held my hand. The steaks were delicious, and I complimented Joshua on them. Apparently, slowly cooking steaks on the grill made them a hell of a lot better, well, either that or there was just a huge difference between the quality of steak I could afford and what we were eating here…

Everyone loved my potatoes. Karly’s mom was particularly impressed, complimenting me at every turn. I had added garlic and pepper to them to spice them up a bit and figured it would be an excellent complement to my well toasted bread.

Karly finally spoke up, “If you love his potatoes, you should try his pancakes!”

Samantha gave her sister a dirty look, “You little slut! I saw your first date pic! You slept with him already!”

Karly flipped her hair over her shoulder, “Fuck you! I’m a lady!”

Grandma Kay gave a disapproving look, “Such language from what are supposed to be ladies…”

Joshua gave her a dangerous look, “Stow that shit mom… if you want to stay that is…”

His mom shut right the fuck up. He pressed her, “My daughters are both ladies, and this is their home. You will not insult them. Also, they don’t need your judgments.”

Grandma Kay spent the rest of the meal with her eyes on her plate. There was some real tension there… I started to piece together why Joshua might know a thing or two about me…

Chapter 4
Dinner ended and I found myself in Karly’s room. Everything was purple, and soft. I realized that Karly was going to absolutely love the quilt I had gotten her.

She was wearing a pair of plaid pajamas; like the ones I had bought her… I was wearing sweats and a t-shirt. She walked up to me and licked her lips at me…

God, she looks so fucking good, absolutely delicious.

I wrapped my hands in her pajama top and gave her a questioning look. They looked just like the ones I had bought her earlier in the week for when she stayed over at my place. I gave her a questioning look.

She smiled, “I missed the ones you got me…” She tilted her chest out to me seductively… “I like the way the fabric feels on my nipples…”

I pulled her into me and kissed her as deep as I possibly could, my tongue meeting hers for the first time in hours… it felt like it had been a lifetime. When she finally broke, she turned and walked away from me seductively… her hips bouncing.

I licked my lips and stayed pressed against the door, just watching her walk away from me…

She picked up the teddy bear on her bed and turned to face me. It was the teddy bear I had bought her. She threw the teddy bear casually into the corner, “Get lost bucko… my real boyfriend is here tonight…” She whispered…

God, I wanted her!

She turned the lamp beside the bed on, and I turned the main light off. The room was bathed in romantic, dim light. I pulled my shirt off and walked towards her, letting her look at my chest. I flexed my core muscles a bit for her, just to see the lust in her eyes…

She started to unbutton her shirt. I stepped up the pace a bit and stopped her hands, taking the sting out by kissing her. When our kiss broke, she looked at me questioningly. “I thought you talked to my dad?”

I kissed her again, “I did baby girl… he said I could stay with you, not that I could fuck you in his house…”

She grabbed me and dropped back on the bed, pulling me on top of her. She kissed me back. “But I say you can! I say put your fucking cock in me right now!”

She pulled me in tight and started to kiss me hard, her tongue forcing its way into my mouth aggressively.

With every ounce of strength, I managed to pull away from her. I would not do this. I would not fuck her under this roof, at least not tonight…

I looked at her in desperation… “Please don’t do this baby girl… this isn’t about your dad, or your mom… this is about me. What’s important to me. To my values.”

She looked at me, her face bouncing back and forth between rage and lust…

Her jaw jutted out… “So, you just want to go to sleep…?”

I nodded at her weakly. “Yes.”

She pushed me back, obviously pissed at me. She started unbuttoning her top… I gave her a look.

She looked back and me aggressively. “So, go to sleep. I’ll take care of myself…”

My eyes went wide in panic. Oh fuck! I thought in horror. I’m done, no way I can handle that…

Her top was off now and her breasts were fantastic… flushed from the heat of her anger, swelling and falling as she breathed fast due to her frustration at me…

She pushed her pants and panties off in one aggressive motion. I started to open my mouth to tell her to stop and was surprised when she shoved her panties into it. Okay, shut up, she was obviously telling me…

I watched as her fingers dove between her legs… fuck!

I’m so fucked… I’m so fucked… I’m so fucked… I thought to myself.

She arched her back in pleasure and started rubbing more and more aggressively. I was done… she was too sexy. I couldn’t resist her…

Then a thought occurred to me… I didn’t have a problem with her experiencing pleasure in her own home, I had a problem with me experiencing it… I could help her. I just couldn’t let her help me.

I knew I was hedging badly, but it was all I could do! She had me. She was too much!

My hand fell across her taught, perfect stomach, feeling the smooth muscle there, feeling it tighten and loosen as she tried to bring herself to orgasm…

I desperately wanted to help her.

I knew how nipple sensitive she was, and I carefully let my face drop down and my mouth sucked her nipple in.

She bucked in additional pleasure as my mouth fell on her. I started to lightly bite her nipple and she pulled her hand away from her crotch and belted me hard in the forehead…

Fuck! That hurt! I thought, looking at her.

She still had her hand up, a warning look in her eyes. “Fuck you!” she whispered at me aggressively. “You don’t want me, remember?”

I smiled at her trying to disarm my she-wolf, to calm her. I licked my lips and leaned in to kiss her.

Whap! She smacked me in the side of the head this time. “I said fuck you! You’re cut off.”

She left the hand up as a warning to me. I smiled at her, and was pleased to see she was warming up a bit. I pointed to her other side. Right now, I was on her left side, and to do what I wanted I would be better equipped if I could use my right hand, and right now it was pinned beneath me. I swallowed nervously. “Mind if I go over on that side?”

Her head cocked aggressively, “Can you get a better view of me getting off over there?! You just get to watch this time.”

I smiled at her and lied, “Yes, yes I can.”

Her fingers went down towards her lower lips again, rubbing and showing me who was in charge this time. She finally looked at me and decided since I hadn’t moved I was allowed a treat. “You can go over there…”

I licked my lips and told her, “I’ll have to touch you as I move over…”

She had closed her eyes and was rubbing furiously. I could tell she wasn’t making much progress…

She nodded, letting me know that I could climb over her. I did so carefully, disturbing her as little as possible. Truthfully, I just watched her… enjoying the show.

When I got to the other side of her, I said, “Baby girl. Open your eyes and look at me.” She opened them and looked at me, her anger obvious.

“What!” she whispered at me when she finally opened her eyes.

I put my two middle fingers in my mouth, just the tips of them, wetting them and getting them ready for her. “Let me help you.”

Her eyes narrowed again, “You don’t want me.”

I smiled at her disarmingly. “I always want you baby girl. And I can’t disrespect your father’s house on my first night as his guest by taking my pleasure from you. I can pleasure you however…”

I licked my lips showing her how much I wanted her. “Let me help.”

She pulled her hand away and nodded.

I pulled her tight and kissed her, my hand diving down between her legs, rubbing her spot aggressively.

She moaned into my mouth in pleasure, her back arching and pulling me into her. It took all my will to not justify getting her off by just climbing onto her and using my manhood…

Our kisses became more and more passionate. Her moaning, as I probed her front, as I fingered her, and I pressed on her G-spot and rubbed her clit. I worked her soft, I worked her hard… I worked every trick I knew how to work…

I felt her hand on my manhood… I was hard as a rock, and she was rubbing through my pants…

It felt so good my eyes closed in pleasure… “Stop that baby girl… for me… please…”

She looked at me desperately… “Please, just, just climb on top of me… we’ll be quiet… I need you…”

I kissed her just as desperately, my tongue exploring the inside of her mouth. I broke from her and almost did it…

“Tomorrow night… I swear tomorrow night; we’ll make love… just give me tonight…” I looked into her eyes.

She looked so pathetic! “Why? I want you to make love to me!”

The entire time my fingers worked her down there with reckless abandon. While hers rubbed the front of me through my pants.

I kissed her neck, working my way down the side of her, tasting her and smelling her awesome vanilla scent. Then I told her, “I want tonight to be about you… I want to do this for you. You’ve done it for me… let me do this for you…” I met her eyes, “Please?”

She kissed me again, hard and deep. I slid my fingers up and started working her G-spot. It was helping, but not perfect. She finally nodded, “Okay… do me… for you.”

I smiled.

She reached inside my pants and started stroking me. Oh god, it felt so good!

“Baby girl, you can’t do that…” I warned her.

She shook her head, dumbly. “Please, it helps me…”

My hormones were going crazy… “Okay, it’s okay… if it helps you…”

She started stroking faster… “Can you… can you take your pants down, let me see it?”

I nodded. I couldn’t tell her no now… she felt too fucking good. If she asked me to make love to her again, I would. I let go of her, jumped off the bed and kicked my shoes off. Next, I dropped my pants.

I knelt on the bed in front of her reaching down to between her legs as I started working her again… she stroked me with her right hand with a passion, her left worked kneaded her breast on that side, teasing her nipple…

Her eyes were closed in a state of bliss…

She still wasn’t responding…

“What can I do for you…?” I asked her.

Please tell me to get on top of you! Please! I begged inwardly…

Her breath came in ragged gasps… “Can I, can I sit on your face? Can you lick me down there?”

I would have given her anything in that moment, “Yes. Here, up.”

I quickly lay down and she rolled over, putting herself over my mouth. I lapped at her eagerly… greedily. I needed her. There was a moment of sour taste, then a soft muskiness, then only the sweet, sweet taste of Karly…

I loved the taste of her so much!

She lay down on me and pressed her body flat against me, her breasts flat against my stomach. I felt her mouth go around me and I just didn’t care anymore…

She worked me aggressively… I tried to work her more aggressively. I fingered her from behind while I licked her clit as hard and as fast as I could, stopping only to suck her into my mouth and tease her button between my lips…

Fuck! This is not working! I thought as she sucked me aggressively. She was going to win this battle! I was going to finish if she kept going…

I rolled her aggressively off of me, pushing her to the side. I flipped around and moved up to her face, kissing her. We were both on our sides. She pulled herself close to me and pushed me between her legs, not going inside of her, but still stimulating me…

She had to stop that or I was going to go inside her… she just needed more stimulation than I could give her…

It hit me then. Her present!

I pulled away from her like I’d been struck by lightning!

Her head snapped up, “What!”

I smiled a wicked smile and leaned in, giving her the tongue kiss of a lifetime! My fingers starting playing with her down there again…

She broke our kiss, “What!”

I continued to smile at her. “I’m going to give you your present early!”

She growled, “It better be some fucking cock!”

I pulled her closer to me and kissed her again… rubbing away between her legs lazily. “No, it’s a toy!”

Her eyes snapped open and I could see lust, and hope there. “What kind of toy?” she asked me…

I bounced my eyebrows at her, giving her a shit eating grin…

She smiled wide, “A naughty toy?”

I smiled at her again… she was back to jacking me off again.

She snapped in and kissed me. “I knew my dirty mind was rubbing off on you!” she exclaimed!

I nodded down, “You keep doing that and I’m going to be rubbing one on YOU!”

She went at it harder… I needed to get moving or she’d have me in what I assumed now was our little game.

I explained, “It wasn’t supposed to be for tonight though…” I groaned as a wave of pleasure shot through me. I only hoped that my fingers on her were bringing her the pleasure she was giving me.

She looked at me, still with a wicked smile on her face. “What was it for?”

I started lazily kissing her neck and her head snapped back. I was distracting myself, buying time…

“Well, it’s a wearable toy… I wanted you to wear it on our trip to Reno… then I could play with you…” She pushed my head back, a look of naked animal lust on her face…

“That is so fucking hot!” she whispered to me.

I smiled, thankful she thought my naughty idea was as good as I thought it was. I spoke to her breathlessly, “So if I give it to you early you have to promise me you will…”

Her mind clicked into place… I could tell I wasn’t going to like what she was about to say. She knew she had me and I was truly screwed!

God damn her fucking beautifully intelligent mind! I thought.

She smiled wickedly. “I’ll wear it anytime you want me to on the trip,” she was teasing me… “On one condition…”

I wasn’t going to like this… “My parents got you a present. You have to accept it. No giving it back, no refusing.”

My eyes went wide in shock.

Fuck! I thought.

She pressed her advantage, “Then I’ll wear it the WHOLE trip. You can play with me the whole time.”

I had to have this, “Okay. Deal.” I kissed her and smiled at her, “Let me get it.”

She smiled at me and pulled me closer… “No. Describe it to me first…”

She had stopped stroking me. I was thankful for that. I would have gone without her had she kept up.

I ran my fingers down the front of her slit slowly. “Well, it’s a vibrator…”

She closed her eyes, and imagined what I was telling her… “Mmmmmm….” She murmured.

I ran my fingers down the front of her. Her legs parted for me, giving me better access to her…

I started to whisper into her ear… “You wear it…”

“Mmmmm….”

I slid two fingers into her, curling them up the front of the inside of her pelvis, feeling for the soft spongy tissue that marked her G-spot. I finally felt the tips of my fingers hit it… “Here.”

Her eyes snapped open, “No! Deal’s off!”

I kissed her and pushed her face back down. “Nope.” I told her. “The surprise is ruined now, so the deal stays…”

She grabbed my head and forced me to kiss her hard. “You are a fucking evil mastermind…” she murmured between kisses. “Go get it! Now!”

I practically dove out of the bed. I grabbed my bag and pulled it open, spilling things out of it. I grabbed the present and tore the paper apart. I dove back into the bed and showed it to her. It was a soft, pink, rubberized toy, with a little antenna on it.

The bulbous part went up inside of her, and the antennae stuck out. It looked weird, but the lady at the store told me she had one and she loved it. I took her word for it…

It had an app that connected to a smart phone. I had already connected it to mine and added the app.

She spread her legs… “Put it in me.”

I put the toy in my mouth and wet it with my saliva. Then I brought it down between her legs and slowly pushed it into her.

She moaned and bucked into me… “God, that already feels really good…” she moaned.

I pulled it in and out, lubricating it with her and her with it…

She dove into me, pulling into me hard… “Turn it on, she ordered me.”

I keyed up the app, checked that it was connected to the device and turned it on…

She bucked like she’d been hit by lightning. She grabbed hold of me and her nails dug painfully into my back. Her body went completely rigid and I could tell she was there… or if not there then extremely close…

Her teeth were gritted together… “Fuck!” She said between those pretty gritted teeth… “Turn it down… too much.”

I kissed her neck… “That’s as low as it goes baby girl.”

She wrapped her legs around me and pressed her crotch into my leg. “Then turn it the fuck up!” she moaned.

I moved it up to level three and she started to buck uncontrollably against me…

She bit my shoulder… Fuck! That hurts I screamed into my mind!

She was practically screaming into my shoulder, and I hoped her parents couldn’t hear us… her hips moved jerkily against me and I thought she might have peed herself. “I’m fucking cumming…” she grunted, and I realized she was cumming so hard she squirted…

Fuck! This thing is awesome!

She dove on top of me, her body shaking uncontrollably… she was like a fucking wild animal…

Her mouth found mine and her tongue slammed inside my mouth…

This must me what she feels like when I take her… I thought. Then added, I can see the fucking appeal!

She ripped the phone out of my hand, scratching me a little in her haste. “Give me this…” she growled. She was rocking her hips against me really hard… I was pressed up against her… really close… I almost thought I would go in, but there was already something in her, so I couldn’t do that right?

I thought she might turn it off and started to object. I wanted to use it with her for a while… to enjoy her reactions. I started to open my mouth to say something and her hand slammed roughly down on it, smashing my lips into my teeth.

Owww! I thought.

She just said, “Shut the fuck up. If I want you to open your mouth I’ll shove my pussy down on it…”

She turned the phone to me lazily, showing me the time… 12:17…

A feral look stole into her eye. “It’s tomorrow… you’re going to fuck me now!”

Jesus! She was like a wild animal. I loved it!

I felt the vibrations increase and realized she had turned it up… this was fucking awesome!

She slowly let my hand off of my mouth… “Are you going to shut up now?” she asked me.

She raked her nails quickly and roughly down the front of my chest. It hurt like hell!

“I asked you a fucking question!” She hissed at me… then her eyes rolled back in her head and she crested over the hill again…

Fuck! She was really getting off on this!

She looked at me and I could see in her eyes a spectacular range of emotions… rage, anger, lust, need… love. I looked her right in the eye and gave her a final push. I put my jaw out, “Fuck you! No way I’m fucking you, cunt!” I hissed at her.

That look in her eyes… fuck that look was scary!

She slapped me hard across the fucking face! My ears rang from the force of it…

“What did you say?!” she asked me.

I gave her a hard-fucking look, “I said fuck you, cunt. No way I’m fucking you!”

I knew the slap was coming this time, and I caught her arm. “You’re not hitting me again, cunt. I don’t fuck sluts like you…” I could see the feral animal in her eyes… her raw naked desire for me was intoxicating…

Jesus Christ, I could see now why she liked this!

She brought my hand up to her mouth and bit my fingers… really, really hard.

My hand stopped holding her and lost its grip on her. Instantly her fucking hands were around my throat, clamping down and closing my windpipe.

I grabbed her arms and panicked for a second. I could feel her bucking her hips against me, trying to get me into her body… the stupid toy was in the fucking way!

My body screamed for me to get her off of me! I could… I could make her stop.

I wanted to give this to her though. I forced my body to shut the fuck up. I calmed my mind and flexed my neck muscles, forcing her grip to release enough to get some air down my throat… okay, problem one solved.

I gripped her arms tightly, giving her the impression I was fighting her… she started snarling at me, her lips actually fucking curled back away from her teeth. I wasn’t sure she was still playing…

She kept bucking her hips against me, trying to get me into her…

She pushed her upper body towards me more aggressively, leaning more of her weight on me. It changed the angle between my manhood and her opening…

I slid into her! Pleasure slammed through my body in a wave nothing like I’d ever experienced before!

I didn’t think that she could fit both me and the toy in her at the same time… turns out I was wrong.

She slammed me in and out of her like a wild beast. Her hands lightened around my throat and she started freely cresting over and over.

She must have had some semblance of control because she was quiet. She was usually quite vocal while we made love. This time, she bit her lip and just ground herself into me as hard as she could…

I came. My body went completely rigid, forcing her up off the bed. I couldn’t help it, my hands grabbed her hips and I felt myself pour into her. She slammed me back down and between her and the vibrator inside her I just fell into her.

When I came back to myself I realized with some panic I was about to pass out. I was starting to soften inside her body and she was completely out of control…

It was like she was furious with me that I couldn’t keep going… her grip on my neck tightened to the point I was nearly choked out…

The whole time she just kept trying to push me into her, cresting over and over from the vibrations the toy gave her.

I needed her to stop… this was getting out of hand…

I could forcibly remove her still… but that was a shitty option.

Instead, I ran my ran my hand over her face, and put my fist to my heart, in our own little personal salute. “Stop baby girl… come back to me, please…”

Her eyes, blinked. Once, twice, then she shook her head aggressively clearing her thoughts. A look of horror smashed over her face, she tilted off of me and pulled the toy out of her, throwing it on the floor.

Her body was pressed against me, her arms wrapped tighter around me than I had ever felt them… she whispered over and over, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

I wrapped my arms around her tightly, and started laughing…

It was the balm she needed. Her head snapped up, “What the fuck are you laughing at?”

I smiled at her. “Now you know how it feels to be completely out of control!”

Tears started to run down her face… “I’m so sorry…” she whispered as she pressed her face into my chest.

I held her tightly. “Baby girl, it’s okay… Calm down.”

She looked up at me, “I hurt you!”

I pulled her face to mine and kissed her lightly. “You didn’t hurt me. A slap in the face is nothing… everything else you did I was well in control of. I could have stopped you at any time.”

She kissed me over and over…

I finally stopped her. “It’s okay, I liked it baby girl. I liked that I could give you something you wanted…”

She looked up at me, misery in her eyes. “I went too far…”

I kissed her forehead. “No. Like I said, I knew what was happening and could have stopped you at any time. This is no different than when you have me take you.”

She looked at me, searching my eyes to tell if I was telling the truth. I kissed her forehead again, “It was fun to drive you so out of control that you took me. I can see the appeal it has to you now. It helped me to understand you better.” I brushed a stray strand of her purple died bangs away from her face… “I would suffer any pain to know you better.”

I pulled her in, closed my eyes and kissed her softly, enjoying her soft lips pressing against mine, the rasp of her tongue as she slid it in and out of my mouth, the sweet smell of her breath on my face.

Our kiss broke and I looked into her deep emerald eyes… eyes I loved so much. “Get used to it. It will happen again.”

Her heart seemed to break a bit and she shook her head, “I can’t.” she whispered, her voice like dead leaves scraping the ground.

I gave her a hard look. “I liked it. I swear to you…” I finally whispered. “I don’t like this weak creature you’re pretending to be now…”

There she was! My she-wolf. I saw the light pour into her eyes, that fire that fed her spirit. Her nails started to rake their way down my chest… prickly, moving from my chest down to my stomach…

Some of her normal hunger started to burn in her eyes…

I narrowed my eyes at her, nodded. “Good.” I told her. I pulled her up and forced her to kiss me. When we broke, I told her, “You made me feel wanted. I loved it.”

Her eyes softened a bit… “You’re sure?”

I pulled her in and hugged her tight, just holding her, breathing in her vanilla scented hair, feeling the softness of her skin, the heat of her body against mine… I nuzzled my face into her head and kissed the top of it. “I love you baby girl…” I whispered before drifting off to sleep…

Chapter 5
“Gabby, wake up…” I felt a hand on me… then I felt warm lips on mine… Yum! Karly… I thought. The kisses worked their way across my face, down onto my neck. Her hands crawled down my body and it felt delicious…

I opened my eyes and looked at her. She bit her lips and looked at me. She had the covers wrapped around herself modestly… that in itself was unusual for her. It was interesting to see the difference between her in my home, and in her own home.

She was too delectable to resist…

I sat up and put my back against her headboard, so I was sitting upright with my legs stretched out in front of me. I grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her up my chest, her covers falling away from her and her mouth closing over mine…

Instinctively, she spread her legs over me. I was excited to feel the scratchiness of her pubic hair rub over my stomach…

My hands reached up and cupped her breasts, feeling the delectable softness there… her nipples firming under my fingers, she moaned into my mouth as I worked, apparently feeling that was safer and quieter…

My hands ran from her breasts down her sides, while her kisses worked their way down my face and neck. She was trim and athletic, beautiful in every way, but she was also firm and heavy enough that you couldn’t feel her ribs, instead her flanks were covered with a nice layer of muscle…

They finished working their way down, finally settling down above her hips. Her kisses kept working their way lazily along my neck. My kisses found her collarbone, and I alternated between light kisses, and nipping bites. I put more pressure on her hips and started to guide her down on me…

I lined up with her and was just about to go in……

She bucked away from me, “No, no!” she told me, putting her finger on my lips. “I woke you up because it’s almost time for gifts and…” She reached down between her legs and grabbed me, stoking me hard a few times just to be a tease…

It was too much for me… I arched my back in pleasure and forced her hips down on me.

The top of me just parted her lips and all the resistance she was giving me melted. Her lips were back on my neck and her arms wrapped around me tight.

She started rubbing herself up and down me, rocking her hips sensually against me. “Baby no…” she whispered. “We don’t have time…”

I pulled her into a deep kiss, and slid myself towards her again… I could talk her into it…

I hit her opening just right and she stifled a moan. I broke from her kiss and whispered in her ear… “Just let me put the tip in…”

She kissed my ear passionately and I felt her slide down on me just a little bit, “Okay… just the tip…”

In my defense… she was the one that was on top. She did not stop with the tip…

I moaned and whispered into her ear, “Baby girl… that was more than the tip.”

She shook her head, “No. I’m pretty sure that was just the tip…” she muttered as her hair brushed in my face wildly filling my nose with her awesome vanilla scent. She started rocking her hips back and forth on me, slowly… sensually. I loved it when she made love to me!

My hands fell to her beautiful ass and I worked my hips back and forth into her as she worked hers into mine…

The door started pounding like someone was going to break it down! She spun off of me and wrapped herself in the covers, leaving me naked on the bed…

Samantha’s voice started screaming from the other side… “Get out of bed lazy bones! It’s present time!”

Karly yelled, “Fuck off bitch!”

She turned and looked back at me hungrily.

I gave her a firm look, “Oh, no… you just abandoned me, stole all the covers and left me pretty nearly literally holding my dick in my hand… you’re cut off!”

She laughed at me, a little of that pixie mania jumping into her eyes. She crawled over to me. “Don’t blame me… I tried to tell you we didn’t have time…”

She kissed me and melted against me.

The door started pounding again. “You better not be holding up present time because you’re in there fucking your boyfriend!” Samantha yelled.

Karly yelled at the door, “I pretty clearly said, fuck off Samantha!”

The door started rattling again… “Come on! Climb off him and let’s go!”

Karly jumped off the bed and ripped the door open… I was still laying on the bed… quite naked…

Karly stepped aside and gave her sister a good view of me… “For your information, I was fucking my boyfriend…” she told her sister.

Samantha and I met eyes, and then hers crawled down my body.

With a yelp, I grabbed a pillow and quickly jammed it down over me…

Samantha laughed, as did Karly!

She’s going to pay for that… I thought darkly.

Samantha looked at Karly, “Oh. Sorry to interrupt. Carry on lil sis!” Then she looked at me, mimed picking up a telephone and mouthed, Call Me!

I hid my face in my hands… this was so embarrassing!

Karly closed the door and I chucked the pillow at her head!

She ducked it smoothly, her breasts bouncing nicely, giving me a nice mental image to take with me the rest of the day!

I gave her a dirty look, “What are you doing!”

She just laughed at me, “Hey, sisters share everything!”

My jaw jutted out at her. “Very funny.”

She came over and kissed me leisurely. “Don’t worry, she won’t say anything… Now come on! It’s present time!”

We both quickly dressed and headed downstairs.

We went into the living room and once again I was impressed with how lavish the tree was. It was giant, trimmed in silver and gold, and seemed to be sitting atop a small mountain of gifts. I stopped and kissed Karly, “So I have no clue what I’m doing, how can I help?”

She pushed me down on the loveseat! “You can sit there and shut up, while I get you a cocoa and Sam starts bringing you your presents!”

I gave her a funny look, “Presents?”

She leaned in and kissed me, a real world stopper this time… “Yes, it’s Christmas. You open presents, you give presents… Getting the idea now?”

I just sat there looking at her dumbly.

She tilted my head back and gave me another kiss. “You want marshmallows in your cocoa?””

I smiled and nodded, looking at Samantha as she brought the first present to me.

Samantha looked a lot like her sister. She was tall, well built, and athletic. Her hair was lighter than her sister’s, more of a blondish, but I noticed her eyes were the same green. She was taller and thinner than Karly, but Karly was better endowed in the breast department. I found I liked Karly’s heavier looks more than Samantha’s thinner look.

Samantha also was wearing makeup, foundation, lipstick, mascara, the whole nine yards. Karly only rarely wore makeup, and even then, usually settled on a tinted lip-gloss and a husky eyeliner that made her eyes pop. I looked at the sister and was glad of Karly’s choice to simply enhance her natural good looks rather than try to cover them like Samantha did. I smiled at her as she handed me the little wrapped box,

“You sit there; Karly will sit next to you.” She informed me. “We’ll pass out presents and then everyone will take turns opening something!”

I looked at the tag, it said it was from Samantha… I looked at her in panic, “I didn’t get you anything…”

She smiled at me, “Karly, is so right… you are adorable.” She laughed and patted me on the head. “Get me something extra special next year and we’ll call it even!”

With that she bounced back to the tree. Karly came back with my cocoa and started examining her pile of presents that were forming quickly around her. I could easily pick out the ones I had given her with my grocery store paper…

I forced that thought out of my mind. Karly hated it when I did that. I busted my butt to get the things I had, and I was going to be proud of that! Karly sat on the loveseat next to me and snuggled up to me. I noticed the presents I had got her were the ones she gave the most attention to…

She loved her purple quilt, insisting on wrapping it around herself, and taking a million pictures of it with me. She loved her earrings and insisted on putting them in right then and there. Again, a million pictures were taken, this time kissing me while she showed off her pictures.

When she got to the ring… I was really nervous. I didn’t know if she’d like it, and I didn’t know if it would fit, and mostly, I didn’t know if she’d accept what the ring truly meant to me. She opened it and her eyes instantly lit up! She dove on me and kissed me and kissed me. I finally got her calmed down enough to show her the engraving… Promise.

Tears spilled over her eyes and she kissed me hard. I moved my lips over to her ear so I could just tell her and whispered to her, “It’s a promise ring. I’m yours until you get tired of me and chase me off with a stick.”

She nodded at me, her lips came over to my ear. “I accept.”

She kissed me hard and I heard a ton of cameras snapping in the room. I didn’t care. She accepted it!

She put the ring on her left ring finger and it fit perfectly! Samantha gave me a harsh look, “That better not be an engagement we just witnessed!” she told me bluntly.

I held my hands out defensively, “No!”

Karly just laughed. “No, I’m just wearing it there so guys will know I’m taken!”

Samantha muttered under her breath and looked at her boyfriend… “If my little sister gets engaged before I do you’re screwed!”

Karly just stuck her tongue out at her sister!

She smiled and me and got ready to open her last gift. Her pearls.

Finally, she opened them. I thought she was happy with the ring! She squealed and dove all over me! Kissing and kissing, hugging me, tickling me. She insisted on showing them to everyone, and getting pictures and wearing them…

She cuddled tighter into me, like she was trying to become one with me. I looked over at Joshua and noticed his eyebrows climbing to the ceiling… he obviously knew the pearls were expensive and did not approve.

Next, it was my turn. Samantha got me a new set of headgear for wrestling, which was really nice. My old pair was a team set and like a crown. It was not very comfortable. My new set was a turtle shell design, and very comfortable. I thanked her and told her I loved them.

Karly put another one in my lap immediately, “I had to peek at your stuff for this one, but I think I got it right, if not, we can take them back!”

I smiled at her, “I’ll love them no matter what!” I told her. I opened it and found a brand-new set of wrestling shoes… very expensive wrestling shoes. I hugged her tight and thanked her. My old shoes were taped up and falling apart and I could really use the new shoes! In fact, I was starting to stress a bit about the shape they were in and was thinking that I might have to pull a rabbit out of my hat and come up with a new pair.

We took more pictures, and I snuck another kiss in on Karly.

My next gift from Karly was a pair of Bose headphones…

I looked at Karly, “Baby girl… this is too much…” I shook my head at her.

She just gave me a shiteating grin. “It’s Christmas. You can’t refuse a gift on Christmas!” I felt completely guilty considering that she had just given me a very expensive phone for my birthday a week ago…

I also had another gift left from her… if this was a warm up gift…

I grabbed the last gift and held it… I looked up at her. I knew I had to take it. It would break her heart if I refused it. I pulled the wrapping paper off…

And found the best gift I had ever been given. It was a picture of us, from our first date, where she was kissing my cheek. She had blown it up, and put it in a nice frame…

I pulled her in close to me, and gave her a big hug.

She asked me, “Do you like it?” nervously.

I looked at her, “I love it baby girl, it’s the best gift I’ve ever gotten.”

She kissed me and I just enjoyed her being there with me.

One gift left, and this one was from Joshua and Martha… I looked at the two of them. “Thank you very much for including me… that means more than any gift you could have gotten me. I didn’t think this was going to be fun, but this is one of the best Christmases I’ve ever had.”

Joshua smiled at me, “You’re welcome.”

I tore the paper, and found a laptop inside…

My heart stopped. A very expensive laptop. I looked up at them in horror. “This is too much…” I managed to mutter. “I…”

Karly leaned in and whispered in my ear… “Remember our deal…!”

I remembered the toy. Fuck! I really wanted to pull that off!

My eyes looked down at the computer, then up to her parents… my eyes misted up a bit. “Thank you.”

Joshua smiled at me. “Karly told us you didn’t have a computer at home. Every kid needs a computer nowadays. I hope you get good use out of it.”

I nodded at him, my eyes misting up a bit. “Thank you, Joshua. Now I have something to write my papers on… you have no idea how much time this is going to save me…”

He just smiled. “You’re welcome Gabby.”

Next came Karly’s mom’s turn to open gifts. Karly bounced over and handed her mom the gift she had gotten her mom, and then the one I had gotten her. “Open these first!” she cheered.

Her mom opened the glass horse figurine Karly had gotten her first. She complimented it and I could tell she really liked it. Next, she opened the one I had gotten her. It was like Karly’s except it was a unicorn. Marsha’s eyes settled on Karly, “Young lady. You’re breaking the rules… you’re only allowed one gift.”

I smiled at Marsha. “Actually, the unicorn is from me!” I put my arm around Karly, “Of course, Karly helped me pick it out!”

Marsha’s eyes narrowed, then she smiled, “Very clever Gabby.”

I just smiled back at her.

When Joshua’s turn came, Karly waited until the end to give him our gifts. He opened her records and immediately I could see his eyes light up. “These are all excellent, baby… where did you find these?”

Karly bounced, bubbly and full of life, “Gabby showed me this excellent second hand shop! And they have more! I just couldn’t remember if you had them!”

Joshua looked at me, “Can you give me the address? I think I’d like to stop in there and see what else they have.”

I smiled at him, “Absolutely…”

Karly clapped and bounced, “Now open Gabby’s! You’re going to love it daddy!”

Joshua, tore the paper and opened the box. His mouth actually dropped open when he saw the record player… “You’ve got to be shitting me…” me mumbled.

Marsha actually started to get up, “What is it dear?”

He pulled the record player out of the box, “It is an actual, I shit you not, Tarantella.” His eyes flicked to me, “Young man. If you think I’m accepting a $600 record player from you, you have another thing coming.”

Karly burst out laughing! “Daddy, he didn’t pay $600 for it! He bought it for $25 and it was broken and he fixed it for you!”

He raised his eyebrows… “Really?”

I bit my lip and said in my shyest voice, “It really wasn’t a big deal. It just had a rock jammed up under the table, it really isn’t a big deal.”

He stood and came over and shook my hand. “I’ve been wanting that record player for years…”

I smiled at him, “Your welcome sir.”

Chapter 6
After dinner, we had a little dancing competition. Joshua set up his new record player and we took turns with each of the ladies, dancing and running each other around the floor, listening to music, laughing and enjoying each other’s company.

It was an interesting afternoon, watching the interactions between people. Joshua’s mother seemed like a bitch, and he definitely seemed like he was not in the mood to deal with her bullshit. I noticed him looking in Martha’s direction several times as he snapped at her, and I got the impression that if not for Martha and her insistence, Grandma Kay would not be invited…

Martha’s parents were extremely old, and very frail, but they seemed like nice enough people.

By close to five, I had had more than my fair share of people. I whispered to Karly that I wanted to take a break, gave her a quick peck on the cheek, and quietly excused myself to step out her back door and stand on their spacious deck overlooking an absolutely enormous back yard. It had a swimming pool for God’s sake!

The cold air hit me the instant I stepped outside. I was only wearing jeans and my warmup hoody, but I still was more than warm enough. I knew I would be for an hour or so, if that was how much time I needed to let my brain quiet and my anxiety go down. I was learning very quickly that even a small group in tight quarters was too much for me. It seemed like the more hectic it was, the harder it was to get my brain to quiet…

I noticed pleasantly that the snow had started back up. I was a little disappointed, and knew I was going to be letting my customers down by not being there to shovel them out tomorrow, but I consoled myself by reminding myself that I had let them know ahead of time that I was not going to be around, and giving them time to prepare.

Surprisingly, about five minutes after I stepped outside Joshua joined me. I was just sitting there in one of the enormous hardwood deck chairs they had, watching the snow silently fall when he stepped out on the porch.

I looked at him and he held up a cigar. “Do you mind?”

I smiled and shook my head, “No sir. Have at it.”

He looked at me with a little smile on his face, one that truly touched his eyes and caused them to light up. “I brought an extra if you’re interested.”

I smiled back at him. Shaking my head, “No. Thank you though.”

He nodded, looking out at the snow as it fell. He nodded to himself and I could see he was thinking…

He lit his cigar and blew smoke out into the cooling air. “Gets hard to handle, doesn’t it?” he finally asked me.

I looked over at him. “What’s that sir?”

He sat quietly for a moment, and I could tell he was trying to gather his thoughts. “So many people in a tiny space. So much going on around you. Your attention pulled in so many places at once. Seems like everyone is talking at once, and after a while you can feel the walls closing in on you.”

I looked down in shame and chuckled, then looked out at the snow and let it calm my mind. “Yeah… I guess it does.”

He nodded. Then sighed. I knew he was about to ask me something, and I could tell he didn’t like asking me…

“You got my daughter some nice things…” He finally said.

I sighed, and continued watching the snow. I wasn’t feeling terribly sociable… I knew what he was trying to say, and while I appreciated his attempt at being polite about asking, it still annoyed me that he felt he had to ask. “What you mean is I got your daughter some very expensive things. Right?”

I looked over at him and could see he was indeed embarrassed.

He smiled at me. Nodded his head. “Yeah.”

I knew where he was headed. I briefly considered just telling him. Sparing him the embarrassment of having to ask, but in the end, I figured if I had to swallow my pride enough to tell him, he could swallow his pride and ask. After all, we were both learning how the other operated and this would be a good exercise for us both.

He finally broke the silence. “Son.” He looked out into the snow, at least being kind enough to give me the opportunity to lie to him if I needed to. “I’ve been buying jewelry for women since you were a twitch in your daddy’s pants. I know quality when I see it. That ring, and the necklace were both very expensive items. Do you mind if I ask you where you got the money to afford them?”

I looked at him and smiled. “Didn’t you ask?”

He looked at me puzzled.

I looked back out into the snow. “Kind of defeats the purpose of asking if I mind you asking, when you ask anyway…”

I checked to make sure I wasn’t offending him…

He looked at me and smiled. “I guess that’s true.”

I looked back out into the snow and shrugged. I knew he was only asking because he cared. Mostly about his daughter, but I could also tell there was a bit of concern for me mixed in there as well… a probably a healthy dose of worry I might have stolen them. I was after all, a kid from the wrong side of the tracks and he didn’t know me very well.

I figured I’d let that temper my reaction to him a bit…

“Shoveling snow, sir.”

I looked at him and his eyebrows were raised, he was clearly surprised. “How much do you make each time you shovel a drive?”

I frowned, “Anywhere between five and fifteen bucks.”

He measured his words carefully. “And how many driveways did you shovel to buy my daughter her Christmas presents?”

I actually didn’t really know. A lot… though I would have done a lot more to see the light in her eyes when she opened the things that I had gotten for her. Truthfully, I felt ashamed for being able to get her so little… I told him, “I don’t know exactly. Fifty or sixty…”

He looked poleaxed. “You shoveled fifty or sixty driveways this week?”

I shook my head, “No. I shoveled more than 100 driveways this week. I still have quite a bit of money saved up. I wanted to do some fun stuff with Karly while we were in Reno.”

He burst out laughing. “Son. I’ll give you this… you got work ethic.” He shook his head in amazement and looked back out into the snow…

I smiled at him, even though he couldn’t see me. “Thank you, sir.”

He took a long pull off of his cigar and blew the smoke out. “A hellova lot more than that last loser my daughter brought around. That entitled piece of shit wouldn’t have opened a door for my daughter if there was a hundred-dollar bill taped to the handle…”

I laughed lightly. I knew Mike from playing football with him. He was big, flashy and dumb. Even though he was a year older than me, we had classes together. He was an asshole, and he did everything he could to make my life miserable. It almost came to blows a few times…

He looked back at me with a pained expression, “Guess I shouldn’t bring him up, huh?”

I shook my head at him, “I don’t mind.” I paused. I never really believed in making a name for myself at someone else’s expense. At the same time, it was important to me that Joshua understand that I was very different person than Mike had been… “From everything I’ve heard, sounds like I’m coming out pretty well in comparison. Had he not been a dipshit I’d be sitting at home staring at the walls while he spent the holiday with your daughter…” The very thought of that drove a spike of pain into my heart… “Frankly, I’m pretty happy he was a fuckup.”

He took another pull from his cigar and smiled at me. “Ain’t that the truth?”

We shared a moment of silence… and I realized that it was not uncomfortable.

I finally broke the silence, “Sir, can I ask you a question?”

He looked at me seriously, “Didn’t you just do that?”

I laughed at how he had turned my earlier question back on me. I nodded, showing him I understood his point. “Point taken. Do you like your work?”

He tilted his head at me, wrinkled his chin as if he was thinking about it. Finally, he nodded, “Very much so son.”

I looked back out into the snow. I knew that I was on an important train of thought, but couldn’t seem to figure out why it was important… I finally understood. “Do you think that’s important?”

He came to a conclusion much quicker this time, “Absolutely. Why?”

I took a deep breath. I was about to ask him a lot right now… “Do you think you could teach me how to do it? Like an apprenticeship or something?”

His eyes narrowed and I could see he was trying to work out my thinking. “Maybe. Why do you ask?”

I thought about it, realizing that the answer to this question was important. It would inform his thinking about me and would most likely make or break my case with him. I bit my lip and finally decided what to say, “I’m smart… I know it sounds arrogant as fuck to say that, but people have been telling me my whole life how smart I was, so I guess at some point you have to decide that maybe they aren’t bullshitting you.”

I shrugged and continued, “I don’t feel smart. I just feel like me, but I also notice that I don’t seem to be working as hard as everyone around me seems to be to learn.”

That was an interesting thought, one that just kind of came spilling out of my mouth. I decided that it sounded right and went with it. “I guess I always saw myself as becoming a doctor, or a lawyer or something… but the more I think about it, the less I think I’d like a job like that. I mean I think about it and I’m not excited, I’m not engaged. I mean I can make a lot of money doing that, and I’m sure I’m smart enough to do it, but it doesn’t sound like fun…”

I looked back out into the snow and thought about it… “The idea of working on firearms every day, of selling them, learning about them, teaching people about them… hell the idea of working with weapons as a general rule seems like it would be really fun. I think it’s work I could get out of bed every morning and look forward to doing.”

It sounded right…

Joshua sighed. He too looked out into the snow and drew from his cigar again. “You thinking about doing this instead of going off to college?”

I looked at his back while he was talking and then let my eyes settle back into the snow to think about it…

Finally, I shook my head, “No. I think I should go to school, but I also think that I should learn about this. It strikes a passion in me, but it also doesn’t strike me as being something that I should walk away from other opportunities to do. Maybe if I had no scholarship offers, or anything, but turning down those opportunities to chase my dreams seems pretty stupid.”

He looked back at me, “Smart boy… I’ll be honest. I can teach you to do what I do. I wouldn’t if you turned down an education to do it. You have a rare opportunity, and I won’t help you throw that away. I’ll also say, there’s a lot more to what I do beyond the smithing and the selling. I run a business. I manage inventory, I take care of people issues. I’ve done that without the benefit of an education.” He took another drag on his cigar, “A man that had those things, combined with what I could teach him would be in an excellent position, especially if it was combined with some good work ethic.”

I smiled at him, realizing his point. “One other question sir?”

He nodded once, “Sure.”

I looked back out into the snow. “My whole life people seemed to be grooming me to do something big. Be something special. Do you think it’s right to walk away from that, even though I have the ability?”

He laughed again, “Son. Don’t let another person bully you into being something they want you to be that you don’t want to be. Lots of people will look at someone who has a lot of natural talent and try to say that that person owes the world something.” He shook his head, “They don’t. A lot of very happy people go home every day with dirt under their fingernails, and not one of those people that signed you up for something, “special”, are going to carry that load for you when you start to hate it. Figure out something you love, then figure out how to make a living from doing that…”

I looked at him, “Warren Buffet, right?”

He smiled at me, “More or less. Still good advice.”

I looked back into the snow and realized I’d never really gotten an answer. I looked at him again.

Finally, he smiled. “I’ll teach you. On one condition.”

I met his eyes and waited…

His eyes narrowed, “You go to school. Get a higher education. I don’t care in what, but no 18-year-old kid should be walking away from opportunities. That’s too young to be making decisions about what you want to be doing with the rest of your life. Find something else that engages your mind and learn about that too. That way, if for whatever reason, what I teach you doesn’t work out, you have something to fall back on. Deal?”

I smiled at him, happy that he was willing to help me, “Deal.”

He started to walk to the door and stopped. “One other thing?”

I looked at him, “Yeah?”

“What you said about Mike being here, sharing the holiday with my daughter while you sat at home starting at the walls?”

I nodded, “Yeah.”

He shook his head at me, “Never would have happened. I’d never have let that piece of shit intrude on a family holiday.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “That makes you special kiddo.”

I smiled at him, feeling really grateful for being allowed to participate. “Thank you, sir.”

He raised his eyebrows, “Don’t fuck it up.”

He took some of the sting out with a smile.

I swallowed a lump in my throat, “I’ll try not to, sir.”

Chapter 7
I found Karly in the living room sitting on the love seat. I plopped down next to her, enjoying the feminine scent of her, her warmth, her sensual presence next to me… I leaned into her quickly, giving her a bit of a hard shove, really just letting her know I was there.

She leaned over and kissed me on the neck. Then whispered into my ear, “Did you get a good rest from all the people?”

I looked at her and was amazed at how beautiful she was. How open. How the fuck she was stooping to be with a loser like me… “Yeah.”

She smiled, “And a good talk with my dad?”

I tried to conceal my embarrassment, looking down. “Yeah, I think he thought I stole the stuff I got you…”

She leaned in and kissed me on the neck, just below my ear. It felt so good my eyes drifted closed… she whispered in my ear, “You shouldn’t have spent so much on me… you worked really hard for that money…”

I was about to protest when she added, “But I love you so much for doing it. You showed me that you’ll always put me first…” She kissed me in that spot again and my eyes drifted closed while my brain switched off.

I looked at her and smiled. Nodding finally, I told her, “Yes. Thank you for being patient with me.”

She smiled then leaned in… “I’m getting kind of impatient with finishing what we started this morning…”

I looked at her, “Yes please…”

She wrapped her fingers in mine and pulled me to standing. “We are going to go do some Christmas light watching” she informed me.

I smiled at her, liking her idea, but I was also worried, “Is your family going to be upset if you leave?”

She leaned in and gave me a quick peck on the lips. “You and I could use some alone time, and you could use some quiet time.”

She looked at her dad, he smiled and nodded. “It’s okay. I ruined Gabby’s alone time.”

A few minutes later we were in her car, and she was lighting a cigarette. She blew the smoke out, obviously enjoying her first chance at a cigarette for the day.

I smiled at her, “So did you sneak out to get a smoke, or did you really want a shot at me?”

She turned to me and wiggled her eyebrows, “I can’t enjoy both?”

She stopped at a stop sign and leaned over and kissed me, slipping her tongue into my mouth…

I was left breathless by the time we parted.

We drove straight to my place.

When we got upstairs I turned to her and smiled, pulling her into me and kissing her hard. She returned my kiss as passionately as she was able. My fingers worked their way up the buttons of her shirt, undressing her slowly…

Soon, we were both naked, rolling around on the bed together, not making love, merely rolling around and basking in each other’s bodies. We kissed, our tongues mingling, my hands rolling up and down her naked body, exploring each and every centimeter of her skin. Our fingers entwined and I worked my kisses up and down her neck, bringing goosebumps to the surface of her skin…

I nibbled my way back down her neck, stopping briefly to kiss into the hollow of her neck. Her back arched sensually, giving me an excellent appreciation for her perfect breasts. I let my hands untangle from hers, and I wrapped my arms around her back while she was still in her arch and kissed and sucked on her nipples, delighting in the forbidden taste of that perfect flesh.

She moaned and pulled me tighter to her…

I alternated back and forth between her nipples… teasing each of them up to a perfect little point. I whispered to her, “I want to do something for you…”

She looked at me, raw lust in her eyes… she nodded.

I kissed down her body, enjoying her perfect toned stomach. My hands slid to her ass and I felt the muscles ripple there as she spread her legs…

I delighted as I looked at her pink flesh down below… something so beautiful, and shared with just me…

I ran my tongue down the stiff line of hair she had left from shaving, working my way down to her button…

I let my tongue lap at it gently and her back arched into the air. My arms circled under her legs, pulling her tight to my face as I sucked on her. She moaned and grabbed the back of my head.

I ran my head back and forth, just letting her enjoy my personal attention to her…

Finally, I figured she was ready…

I looked at her. She looked at me… “More please?”

I smiled at her. She smiled at me…

I saw a bit of excitement enter her eyes, but she squashed it down…

I kissed her button again and enjoyed the taste of her under my lips and tongue… after a few seconds I stopped and looked at her… “You want more of that…?”

She was nibbling her bottom lip, and I could tell she was really enjoying herself. “Yes… please.” she moaned.

With that, I dove down on her, giving her lower lips my full attention. Opening my mouth wide I put my tongue flat against her clit so I could peek at her as she enjoyed me.

I must have hit a sensitive spot as she grabbed the back of my head and pulled it tighter into her, and I had to remind myself that this was not a show for me, it was an exercise for her…

I explored her leisurely with my tongue, finding the spots she liked, the ones she disliked and most importantly, the ones she loved…

Within a few minutes I had her climaxing, her moans echoing across the room. I refused to stop, simply enjoying the feel of her responding to my touch in such a pleasurable and passionate way…

I kept licking, kissing and enjoying her until she finally stopped me, “I need you… can I have you now?”

Slowly I crawled up her, dragging the skin of my chest up her body…

I felt her nipples scrape across my chest as my mouth found hers… her tongue pushed its way into my mouth as I pushed myself into her.

My mind filled with blinding light as I slid into her, the pure seductive song of my own personal siren. Dimly I felt her hands pull me tighter into her as she called my name, but all I could think of was how perfect her body felt wrapped around me…

I drove myself into her over and over, my breath coming in ever more ragged breaths….

She welcomed each thrust, her nails scratching my back as she climaxed and called my name, begging me for more…

I looked at her beautiful face, thankful we had left the lights on so I could watch her enjoy me…

She hooked her legs around my body and clung to me desperately. That first orgasm had broken loose her ability to climax over and over again…

My left hand found her breast and I squeezed the nipple there as I knew she was close to climaxing again, knowing that would push her over the edge again…

As she screamed in ecstasy I slid my hand down her breast, running it over the taut skin of her flank and around to her ass, while my other hand wrapped itself into the sheets next to her head…

I couldn’t hold myself back anymore, I felt the muscles in my abdomen tighten and then everything below my waist was a pure wall of fire… of beautiful pleasure brought on by the perfection of her body…

I grunted and could contain myself no longer… I had never had an orgasm like this one… it was so long… so powerful… I usually could not keep moving once I started, could only wrap myself in the purity of the sensation she provided me…

This time was not like that… this time, I felt myself spraying inside of her, and just going and going. Finally, the pleasure was too much to bear any longer and I simply buried myself into her, my hand snapped up to her shoulder and I could only cling to her and ride out the rest of what she had given me…

Chapter 8
After we had finished making love we lay tangled together in my bed. My heart was pounding and I was trying to catch my breath…

My arms were wrapped around her as I lay on her chest…

I could hear her heart beat, quick and powerful, like listening to the beat of a drum, or echoes of thunder on a hot August night. I could hear the air enter and leave her lungs, sounding like the waves of the ocean pounding the sand. It was the most perfect sound I had ever heard.

Finally, I found the strength to disentangle myself from her…

I ran my hand down her face, and held it to my chest. “I love you,” I whispered to her, knowing that I would never be able to say that to her often enough…

I rolled on my side next to the wall and she crawled in onto my chest, purring as she settled her head on me.

“You are too good to me.” She told me.

I hugged and kissed her, enjoying her soft lips every time she offered them to me.

I gave her a half smile, “You’re not going to think I’m too good to you in a moment…”

Her green eyes met mine, “Let me guess, you’re cutting me off for the next week?”

The air left my lungs… “How did you know?”

She smiled at me, “This tournament is really important to you. Rolling around with me is probably not the best use of your energy…” She gave me a quick kiss. “I get it.”

I pulled her in for a much better kiss. When we broke it off I told her, “It’s scary how often you are in my head…”

She gave me a sultry look, “I am pretty awesome.”

I blew in her face. “You’re not that awesome…”

Her eyebrows went up, “I’m at least a 9.2!”

“A 9.2? Ha! Not even close!” I told her.

She cocked her head at me, “Let’s add it up. Intelligence, 10. Sense of humor, 10. Face, let’s say a solid 8. Butt, at least a 9.” She sat up and gave me a wonderful view of her breasts… “And tits? Oh yeah, 10.”

“A 10 on tits…? No way! Those are like a 6 at best!” I teased her.

Horror sprawled across her face, “A 6?!” She smacked me on the chest.”

I tried to act bored, when in reality the thought of taking one of her breasts in my mouth was starting to very much push to the forefront of my mind… “You have that mole on the left one… that really cost you with the judges!”

She pinched my nose, “A 4-point deduction for a mole? That’s a beauty mark!”

I shrugged at her, “Hey, I don’t award the points, I just communicate them…”

She play pouted at me… “Maybe me and one of the judges could work out some kind of deal…”

I smiled at her and rolled her over, taking her breath away with a soul shaking kiss. When I broke it, I told her, “No way you’re a 9.2.” I kissed her again… “You’re a 10 in every way to me…”

When I managed to break away from her she laughed, “Must have gotten bonus points for my charity work…”

I gave her a questioning look, “Charity work?”

She smiled at me, “Well, yeah. I mean how pity fucks do I have to give a 4 like you before I qualify for sainthood?”

“Oh! I’ll show you who’s a 4!” I screamed at her, nuzzling into her neck and kissing her…

When I finally rolled off of her she moaned… “Okay… that was a 10…”

Chapter 9
We ended up back at her place. Everything had calmed down and everyone was mostly taking it easy by the time we got back. Karly and I ended up curled up on a loveseat together, watching an old Christmas movie and cuddling.

I caught her playing with her ring and brought her hand to my lips and kissed her on top of the ring.

She smiled at me and leaned in to whisper in my ear, “Did you mean it?”

I looked into her emerald eyes, losing myself there for a minute. I leaned in and whispered to her, “Of course I meant it. I’m not leaving you for anything…”

She smiled contentedly and nuzzled into me.

I had fallen asleep by the time the movie ended. It was just too cozy cuddled up with her and relaxed in the house. I woke to her kissing my lips softly. I shook my head and simply enjoyed her warmth… “Wake up sleepyhead… you’re snoring.”

I smiled at her drowsily… simply content, “Sorry…”

She kissed me on the end of the nose, “It’s okay, you’re cute when you snore.”

A pillow flew in and smacked her in the head, “Get a room you two!” Samantha yelled.

Karly stood and pulled me up after her, “I think we will!” she announced.

I was really embarrassed until I realized that her parents had already left the room. Karly smiled at her sister, “Night, Sam…”

Samantha smiled back at her, “Merry Christmas little sis… ‘Night, Gabby!”

Karly pulled me by the hand, leading me out of the room…

Samantha yelled after us, “Have fun!”

Karly had her own bathroom… I was a little freaked out by that. Her shower was a lot bigger than mine, and she had a tub in hers…

We filled it with water and soaked together naked. Her lying on my chest and stomach with my arms wrapped tight around her. I kissed the side of her neck and face the entire time… I had never had such a relaxing bath…

After a while she turned around and straddled me… it felt delicious. I started to sit up and she pushed my head back down… “Stay there… relax.”

I sighed, not realizing how right she was. I took a deep breath and felt a bit of the tension melt out of me. She wet her hands in the water and ran them over my face. I luxuriated in her touch, the feel of the water on my skin, the feel of her nails as she ran them lightly on my face.

She ran her crotch over mine lightly, not intending to initiate sex, only using the immediate feeling of her body on mine to relax me, to make me feel good…

Her hands ran from my face and down to my shoulders…

She dug her thumbs into the hard flesh there and rained kisses down on my face… I wanted to kiss her back, but I knew she was trying to relax me, and there was no way that I was going to relax once I engaged with her and started kissing her.

I kept my eyes closed and enjoyed the feeling of her hands playing over my skin. They moved from my shoulders, down my long, powerful arms. Back up my arms and then across my chest. She moved slowly, delicately, giving me her full attention and love.

I felt her breasts settle on my chest as she wrapped her arms around my back, running her fingers over the muscle there. She made little circles on the skin and started kissing my neck, slowly, her lips playing over my skin, one small kiss, two small kisses, her teeth dragging across the skin of my neck…

I felt her nails scrape lightly across my back and that was about when I noticed how quick and shallow her breaths had gotten…

Her kisses on my neck grew more urgent, and her hips started playing against mine more quickly. I was excited for her, and she was grinding herself into me…

Her kisses played their way up and back across my face…

Finally, her lips met mine, dropping an electrical current into my body. Her hands came back around my body and across my chest… her hips dropped a bit in a trick I recognized that she used to line me up with her…

I wanted her so badly…

I opened my eyes and looked at her…

My she-wolf leaned in and whispered into my ear… “Will you make love to me? Just one more time before the trip…?”

I wrapped her in my arms and kissed her as hard as I could. My world once again went white as she slid herself onto me. I buried my face into her neck and kissed her, nibbled at her neck… even gave her little love bites.

She moved on me sensually, moving back and forth rhythmically. The water swirled around us as we shared our love in the tub.

Her hands returned to my face, her fingers running beneath my eyes as she shared herself with me.

“Open your eyes…” she told me. I hadn’t realized I had closed them…

I opened them and looked at her. Her beautiful face, the water running in small little rivulets down her face from her wet hair. She took my arms from around her and laid them on the lip of the tub. Her hands once again ran up my arms, teasing the muscles there, pricking her nails against me occasionally.

She bit her lip and ground her body into mine fiercely, sending a rippling wave of pleasure through my body. My eyes closed at the pleasure of it…

“Open your eyes…” She told me again.

I smiled and looked at her. Her hips made little circles on me, driving me insane with how good it felt…

She arched her body and gave me a spectacular view of her breasts… “Will you watch me?”

I smiled at her and watched her body move on mine. It was spectacular. She moved beautifully, not urgent, not wild, just completely at home in her skin. I watched the skin of her arms, and her shoulders tighten over the muscle there. I watched her head loll in pleasure as she ground her body on mine. I watched how her eyes twitched beneath the lids as she started to really enjoy the effect she was having on me…

I could take no more. I sat up higher and wrapped my arms around her, using my own hips to drive myself up into her as she drove herself down on me…

My eyes closed and I leaned into her neck, kissing and biting into the hollow of her neck and shoulder right where I knew she liked it…

We just moved, our bodies in time with each other’s. She wrapped her arms tight about me as I wrapped mine tight about hers.

Finally, we got a bit too passionate and started sloshing water out…

She laughed and we both decided to take a break and continue in her bed…

I dried her, and she dried me, before she lay me down on my back and crawled up my body. She spread her legs over me and slid back down onto me, pulling me deep into her body…

I gasped as she took me, my back arching in pleasure as she rolled herself passionately on me. She took my hands and pulled them up, laying them on her hips.

I pulled her into me and simply enjoyed the perfection she shared with me.

Her hands ran up her body, tangling in her short hair as she teased it up for me, giving me a view of her beautiful face. She smiled at me, playing for my visual enjoyment…

She winked at me, and then ran her hands around behind her head, quickening the pace her hips made against mine…

The way she was posed pulled her breasts higher, and tighter, making them look even more full than they actually were.

The visual was too much for me… I pulled her hips into mine harder, knowing I was so close…

That feeling must have been too much for her. Her eyes closed and her hands fell to my chest. Her nails raked across me there, leaving a trace of pain that existed in counterpoint to the pleasure she gave me perfectly…

I felt myself release into her…

Chapter 10
I woke early. Or at least earlier than everyone else. As was my habit, I went to the window and looked out. The snow was light and fluffy. It covered everything in at least a couple of inches. I felt an itch in the callouses of my hands and decided I could do double duty, get a workout in, and do something nice for Karly’s parents to say thank you for their generosity.

I got dressed quietly in the dark, slipped my phone into my pocket, put the headphones Karly had gotten me for Christmas in and snuck downstairs.

I was pretty worried that the Kays might have an alarm system… hope they didn’t.

I snuck out the back door and nothing seemed to happen, so it must have been safe. I went around the side of the house, traipsing through the snow, looking for a loose snow shovel… no luck.

I had to sneak back inside and pop into the garage, where I found one. I slipped back outside, not wanting to raise the garage door for fear of waking everyone inside.

Once I got outside I tested the snow to see how it was. It was light and fluffy. The kind of snow that’s a joy to shovel. Doesn’t stick, doesn’t weight a ton… just scoop it, and throw it!

I turned my music on and set it to loop one song continuously. It was a trick that I had learned that sort of let me just turn my brain off and work without thinking. This was the kind of work that I could get away with that with, so I went to it with a passion.

I was about three quarters of the way through the job when my brain finally clicked on and I realized that someone was watching me. Joshua was leaning against the house, work clothes on, breathing over the rim of a steaming hot coffee cup.

I quickly pulled the headphones out of my ear and stuttered, “Sorry, sir. Didn’t mean to wake you.” I held the shovel out to him awkwardly, “And I stole a shovel out of your garage…”

He laughed and just covered his face, shaking his head. “Kid, if you were not so hopeless socially I would be convinced that you were absolutely full of shit!”

I smiled at him…

He continued to shake his head. “What are you doing?”

I looked around, enjoying the snow and the heat moving it around had put into my muscles. Finally, I shrugged, “I don’t have much, but I figured I’d at least try to help and say thank you to Mrs… Marsha and you for the kindness you’ve shown me!”

He pointed at me, “Don’t forget to call her Marsha, or she’ll nail your balls to a tree!”

I smiled and laughed…

I hope he’s kidding, I thought to myself.

He walked closer to me. “I have a four-wheeler with a blade on it, so you can plow the snow… you could have just used that…”

I smiled at him, “I didn’t want to wake everyone running the door to the garage up. Plus, seemed a little presumptuous to just take your four-wheeler for a spin…”

He raised his coffee cup, “Work smarter, not harder son!”

I lifted another shovel full of snow and threw it to the side of the driveway. “Sometimes the work itself is the objective…”

I looked up at him and saw him turn and start walking back up the drive, “Suit yourself! I’ll leave the garage door open for you. Karly is inside murdering eggs for you. She insisted on cooking you breakfast once she found out you were out here shoveling the drive. We all told her nobody needs to end up in the hospital with food poisoning…” He stopped at the front door. “Better run while you have the chance!”

I smiled and waved, getting back to work.

I finished in about 10 minutes. I went back in through the garage, which Joshua had kindly opened for me, put the shovel away and stepped into the kitchen.

Karly was standing at the little kitchen island. The counter was trashed, flour pretty much everywhere, ingredients scattered about…

She looked up at me and I noticed she had an honest to god smear of flour across her nose and cheek. She pointed to the mess she had made, “Pancakes?”

I walked over to her and tried to take in the mess she had made. She was looking at a recipe on her phone… and in hopelessly over her head…

I wrapped my arms around her from behind. “Looks more like the hurricane formerly known as pancakes…”

She giggled and leaned into me. “Oh, you’ve got jokes now Mr. Smarty pants?”

I squeezed her tighter, “Only joke I see here is you calling this mess pancakes…”

She reached around me and swatted my butt playfully. Then she squirmed and I could see she was trying to bust loose and face me. I let her go enough that she could.

I laughed again as I was reminded of the flour she had on her face. I shook my head and wiped it away… “You are so hopeless in here… I’m going to starve to death…”

She kissed me, “Well, I guess you’ll have to live on sex alone…”

I kissed her back, “You’re good in the sack but not fish and loaves good…”

She smacked me in the chest…

She kissed me and bit her lip, her little nervous gesture. “Will you show me?” she finally asked.

I kissed her back and told her, “Sure.”

Then I went in for another, deeper kiss. That was the moment that Sam chose to walk in… “Mom! Dad! They’re making out on the pancakes!”

Karly spun, picked up a handful of flour and tossed it at her sister, “Snitches get stitches bitch!”

Samantha just giggled and ran from the room. I could hear her say from the living room, “I don’t think she wants my help…”

Karly and I laughed, holding each other in her kitchen. Finally, I busted her loose and told her, “Let’s do this…”

Chapter 11
Breakfast was wonderful. Karly did a good job once someone walked her through the steps. I could tell though; she was not the cooking type. She was more of the bug you until you cooked something for her type.

I was fine with that. I loved to cook, and I loved to cook for her even more…

When we were done with breakfast Joshua came in and set a book on the table in front of me. It was a gunsmithing guide for the AR-15 rifle. I looked at him in wonder, “Have you read this?”

I shook my head, “No sir.”

His eyes narrowed. “You still interested in what we discussed yesterday?”

I nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, sir!”

He smiled at my youthful excitement, “Then start by reading this cover to cover. I expect you to understand the diagrams and to be able to describe the actions covered in the book. I will be quizzing you on the processes described in this book. You will be able to describe what you see in this book before I ever let you see the rifle and begin work. Understood?”

I nodded, picking the book up, “Yes sir.”

He smiled at me and nodded. He started to turn away, and then turned back, “One other thing. Because I know you well enough to know you will be worried… That book is yours now. Call it payment for the driveway. If something happens to it, you’re not harming anyone…”

I nodded in embarrassment, knowing he was right, if I had damaged the book I would have insisted on replacing it…

“You two get moving, you’ll miss your bus if you don’t!” He shooed us out the door.

Karly gave me a look as we got to the car, “What was that about?”

I told her honestly, “Last night I asked him to show me some stuff about gunsmithing…”

She looked at me as she started the car, “Oh, I see, you’re just using me to get to my dad…”

I shrugged, “He’s an awfully attractive man… think I’ve got a shot?”

She smacked me, I was getting the feeling I was going to need to start getting used to that, “Thanks for that mental picture…”

I leaned over and kissed her, “I’m not just using you for your dad… I’m also using you for sex…”

She smiled and giggled a bit, kissing me again, “Okay, as long as we’re on the same page, cause I’m just you using you for sex too…”

I smiled with her, enjoying our little shared joke and with that out of the way we started out to meet the bus. I was nervous and fidgety on the car ride to the school. I always got jitters before a big tournament, and this one, with scholarships on the line, and my future with Karly tied directly to those scholarships… I was a mess.

I knew coach would have my back whether or not I did well in the tournament. Problem was, colleges wanted winners. If you can’t win when the chips are down, doesn’t matter how good you look in a demo tape, or how many guys you beat at how many tournaments. If you can’t show to a big tournament and walk away with good placing, they were simply going to think you weren’t able to compete when the big lights came on.

That meant, I had to do well. I had scholarship deals on the table right now. I needed more. I needed to be able to get into any school that Karly could get into. She was whip smart, and her parents had money. I’m sure her grades were going to open a lot of doors, and the doors that wouldn’t open for her alone would open once Joshua got hold of them. He didn’t strike me as a man that was told no easily.

If I couldn’t get into a school Karly wanted to go to… it would mean not going to school at all. There was no way I was walking away from her for four years, and there was no way in hell I was letting her walk away from the school she wanted to chase me.

That meant I had to do well. This tournament was a huge tournament. The brackets were 128 man brackets. That meant a minimum of 7 matches, 8 in the loser’s bracket and 9 with wrestle backs. There would be state champions and future state champions in every weight class. There would be wrestlers from pretty much every Western state in the US there, and considering the cost of transport and entry, people weren’t bringing their B team…

I had done the math. Consider that not every team on the West Coast would be going… and the heavyweight bracket most likely wouldn’t be completely full. I figured a placing in the top 5 would on its own open a lot of scholarship doors for me. Add to that coach throwing his weight behind me, and a good placing at the State tournament this year and I had a good shot at writing my own ticket…

Karly took my hand, “Stop fixating teddy bear.”

I looked at her in surprise. I was still amazed at how often she was inside my head. “I’m not fixating… I’m just thinking about what I need to do.”

She looked at me and raised her eyebrows at me. She had fuzzy eyebrows that were so expressive… I could usually tell what she was thinking just by looking at them. Right now, they were telling me to shut up…

“Not fixating?” She called me on my bullshit. “Stop worrying. If you do well, you do well. If you don’t, fuck it. Stop trying to do this for me, and start trying to do it for you.” I started to argue, “Shut up. I’m making one of my patented wise speeches.”

I smiled at her.

“You have scholarships on the table, right?” She looked at me and I nodded.

“Good schools?” She asked, I nodded.

“Then if worse comes to worst, we’ll take one of those. I’ll get in. We’ll study something, and then when we get out, we’ll start building a life together.” She eyed me and I could tell she was serious…

“Besides, you wrestle like shit when you stress yourself out.” I started to argue and she again silenced me, “I said shut up. I’ve seen you. You get fixated on winning and you block yourself out. You make small mistakes and then you fixated on those and pretty soon you’re wrestling like shit. You lose your edge. You start to hold back, and you start getting behind in the match because of it. You never quit, but you stop wrestling in the moment. That’s when you lose.” She poked me in the head with her finger, “You start losing right her. Stop that.”

I smiled at her. I was ashamed because I knew she was right. Her eyes pinned me as we sat at a stop light. “You aren’t going to do that this time. You want to wrestle for me?”

I smiled at her and nodded enthusiastically.

Her eyes hardened. “Then you don’t wrestle to win. You don’t think about what you’re going to place. You promise me, from this moment on. You’ll never give up. You don’t care about what the score is. You don’t care if the guy you’re facing is better than you. You push yourself and you wrestle till the last second. Can you do that?”

I met her eyes and nodded my head once.

She ran her fingers down my face, “Than you’ve already won in my book.”

Then she pointed a finger in my face, “Now you promised me. Remember that!”

The car behind us honked letting us know the light had turned green.

I remember my promises….

Chapter 12
Coach caught my eye as we got to the bus. He saw me walk up with Karly and almost instantly, he motioned me over.

I handed my bag to Karly and headed over to him. She must have waved at coach while my back was to her because he gave her a shy little waive. When I got to him he looked at me with an intense look, “Are you ready?”

I gave him a curt nod, trying to convey to him that I would not let him down.

Coach’s eyes went to Karly, then to me. I could tell what he was thinking.

She won’t be a distraction.” He informed me. It wasn’t a question. He was making it clear that he had expectations of me, and I had no choice but to meet them.

I nodded, “She won’t be. We’ve talked about it. We’re on the same page.”

Coach looked at me and nodded. I could tell he was giving me the benefit of the doubt. “So, the two of you are what, off during the tournament?”

I gave him what I think was a dangerous look, “No sir. She’s my girlfriend and I won’t do that to her for any reason, not a scholarship, not to impress someone, and certainly not for some fucking tournament. We just understand that my attention right now needs to be on wrestling and doing well. Before, after the matches start, we’re boyfriend and girlfriend. During the matches, she’s running stats for you, and I’m getting ready for my next match.”

He smiled at me. “Good answer.” I started to turn and he caught me, “One more thing?”

I turned back to him and smiled. “Yeah?”

He looked embarrassed. “You set an example for the team. A lot of the guys look up to you, especially the younger guys…” That was something I had never realized before…

“You need to be a good team mate too. If you’re running off each night to be with your girlfriend, they’ll notice. They’ll understand, but they’ll notice. If you’re sneaking out at night, after lights out…” He hedged.

I must have looked panicked when I told him, “Not a problem coach!”

He smiled, realizing the thought hadn’t crossed my mind.

I ran to the bus on got onboard. There were two other stat girls on board and Karly sat in the furthest seat reserved for stat girls. I looked around the bus and realized that most of the guys hadn’t arrived yet. I looked to see if Joe was there and noticed he wasn’t.

I noticed Sep about mid-way into the bus and nodded. He was sitting, taking a whole seat to himself, his back to the window. He gave me a lazy wave and just sat there. I had noticed him getting really cool in his attitude to me lately, especially since I had gotten together with Karly. In fact, he was being a dick.

I pointed to the seat behind Karly, indicating where I had planned on sitting. “I’m gonna sit up here by Karly, you want to come up and with us?”

He shook his head, “You do what you gotta do…”

See… he was being a dick. I shrugged at his attitude and climbed into my seat, pushing my bag, sleeping bag and pillow on the floor. Karly had already set me up in the seat behind her, which was nice. I leaned against the seat and peeked at her over the top. She was getting her phone set up and putting her headphones on. She noticed me peeking and with a yelp I dropped down below the level of the seat.

I could hear her move back in the seat, and then I felt her looking over the top of the seat at me. “What are you doing weirdo…”

I whispered at her, “Can’t talk, hiding.”

She giggled and I heard her rummaging around in the seat. Finally, her head peeked out from around the side of the seat. She looked around conspiratorially, “What are we hiding from…?”

I looked at her and narrowed my eyes, “I was checking out the hot girl sitting in front of me… I think she might have caught me!”

She smiled, a look of pure innocent joy on her face. “That bitch?”

My mouth made an O. “Don’t talk like that about her, I think I might be in love with her…”

She made a face like she was grossed out, “Ewww…. You’re way out of her league…”

I made myself look hurt. “No way…!”

She narrowed her gaze at me, “How do you think she feels about you?”

I shook my head, “I don’t think she even knows I’m alive…”

She held up a finger. “Just a second, let me check with her.”

I forced a look of horror on my face, “No!”

Her face disappeared from beside the seat. I could hear her whispering in the seat in front of me. Finally, her face appeared from the side of the seat again… she shook her head sadly, “Sorry. She says that she thinks you’re out of her league too…”

I popped up and looked over the seat, she leaned up and looked with me, our eyes meeting and our faces almost touching… I wanted to kiss her so bad…

I didn’t notice Joe get on the bus. He smacked me in the side of the head to say hi… it hurt.

“Get a room you two…” He muttered. He threw his stuff in the seat behind me and I looked at him.

“Dude, you don’t have to sit up here with me. You can go sit with Sep if you want. I tried to get him to come up and sit closer but he didn’t want to.” I told him.

“Scoot over.” He ordered me.

I scooted over and let him sit next to me. Karly leaned over the back of her seat conspiratorially. “Fuck Sep.” Joe told me, “He’s been being a dick lately and I’m sick of his shit. He wants to throw a fit he can sit back there by himself. I’m tired of his bullshit.”

I looked at Joe shocked, “What the fuck, man. What brought that on?”

He looked at me, “That’s right. You didn’t hear, you weren’t at practice. He laid into me because I asked Robin out. Apparently Jess got all twisted up about it. She doesn’t think I should be seeing Robin. She thinks if there’s a problem it will cause problems in the group.”

Karly got a nasty look, “Fuck her, and fuck him with a wooden dildo.” Her fierceness surprised me…

She continued, “What, they’re the only ones that can be happy? Robin likes you, and you like her too. That’s all that fucking matters. It’s no one’s business besides the two of you.”

Joe and I shared shocked looks, finally he said… “Uh… thanks.”

I sprang on him and put him in a headlock, which he fought valiantly… I started giving him a noogy and Karly just rolled her eyes… “Men,” she muttered.

Joe laughed and hit me until I let him go and then he settled into the seat behind me. I looked at Karly and watched her put her headphones on. That was my queue apparently to spend some time with my friend… I kissed my fingers, and smacked the kiss onto the top of her head.

She smiled and looked at me, “Uh… thanks I guess?”

I leaned over the seat and gave her a much bigger kiss…

“Gabby!” I heard coach’s voice boom in the small confines of the bus.

Instantly I dropped back into my seat, a look of total innocence on my face. “Coach, it wasn’t what it looked like!” I pleaded.

He put his hands on his hips, “Oh, it looked a lot like you were making out with one of the stat girls on the bus. What exactly was I seeing?”

I pointed at her, “Ms. Kay has an extremely rare type of asthma… sometimes she requires mouth to mouth in order to stay conscious…” Not bad… I told myself, especially not for on the spot.

I saw a glint of humor in coach’s face before he managed to master it again, I pressed on, “Really, coach, we’re lucky that I got to her in time, she might have fainted…”

Karly threw her hand over her face, jumping in to help, “Oh, he’s my hero, coach… I might have swooned if not for him!”

Everyone on the bus was laughing hard, including coach.

He finally nodded and said, “Well if she’s that ill maybe she needs to come sit up here by me?”

I looked at him like I was surprised, “Well, I mean I guess that works but if something goes wrong you’ll have to give her mouth to mouth… I’m not sure that’s appropriate…”

The intensity of the laughs increased, but I could tell that coach was starting to get a little peeved. I held up my hands… “I’ll be good coach, sorry.”

He raised his eyebrows, “Okay, but don’t think I’m going to forget your little oversight…”

Ouch, I told myself. That wasn’t going to be fun…

I put the thought out of my mind and settled back into my seat, chatting with Joe over the back of the seat.

Chapter 13
We were about two and a half hours into the trip when I decided to lay my sleeping bag and pillow out on the floor and take a nap. I was lying between the seats across the aisle, and since the seat opposite to me was empty, I had the entire floor of the bus to lay out in. It made for a comfy spot to take a nap, and was a trick I used pretty often. Usually Joe would sit in the seat across from me and I’d take the floor and that would let him stretch out across the seats.

This trip was varsity only though, and coach had gotten us a full-size bus to make the long trip more comfortable, so it was nearly empty.

When I got on the floor I noticed Karly had already gotten down on the floor and was lying facing back towards me…

I smiled at her, her face dark under the seats…

I heard her squirm a bit further back towards me… “I was wondering when you’d figure out I was down here and come see me.” She whispered.

I knew she was towards the front and it would be easier to see her if she crawled back towards me so I crawled forward a bit, my face getting close to hers… I bit my lip, “How are you feeling…”

She bit her lip back at me… “Well, I’m feeling a bit faint… how about some of that mouth to mouth…?”

I leaned in and kissed her. Once again, an electric current jumped between our lips as they met. I’m really starting to love that, I thought to myself…

Our kiss was leisurely, and loving, just us sharing a little stolen moment between the two of us. It was really nice. Her lips were soft, and loving. Her kisses light and while there was a certain amount of passion, she was keeping herself under control…

I was not. My hand snuck under the seat and into her covers… sliding up and grabbing her boob.

Her kisses got much harder, more passionate. In fact, she was so distracting I hadn’t noticed coach sneak back…

He hit me in the ass and screamed, “What do you think you’re doing!”

I was so surprised I started to bolt upright, not remembering that I was curled up under the seat of a bus with a beautiful girl attached to my lips. My head came up about 4 inches and slammed to a stop against the metal bracket the seat rested on.

Bang!

“Owwww!” I screamed, kicking my feet in pain. “Sonofva monkey loving biscuit!” I screamed out, not wanting to curse and make my situation worse…

I crawled out from under the seat and lay on my back looking at coach who was laughing at my pain. “Coach it wasn’t my fault… I crawled under there and she was limp…”

He rolled his eyes at me. “Well, if that’s the case we probably should make sure that there’s plenty of air in your lungs. Stop the bus!” he yelled.

I tried to extricate myself from under the seat and was having problems. Problems made worse with Karly’s giggling fit. She was enjoying watching me get my ass busted far too much…

The bus finally came to a stop and coach yelled back. “Everyone on the bus who’s over weight, time for a cut jog!” He looked at me specifically. I was well under weight, hell, I could make the weight class below mine if I really wanted to… “Let’s say, two miles, shall we?”

The guys all groaned… I knew where this was going…

Coach added, “Gabby, why don’t you run with them, help keep the ducks in a row, you know, considering your so worried about safety and all,” He gave me a dark look, “or do you want to neglect your team and leave them out in the cold?”

His message was clear. I wasn’t setting a good example…

I felt like slime… he was right. I was being selfish. It was okay to have fun with Karly, but I needed to be way more circumspect with it…

I got out of my seat, “I’m on it coach.” I looked back into the bus at the guys starting to get out of their seats, I was shocked to see Sep was one of them…

“Move it or lose it.” I yelled at them, “If you can’t keep up with my fat ass, I’ll give you some motivation!”

I looked at Karly and she mouthed, I’m sorry.

I shook my head, “Don’t sweat it, my fault.” I told her.

We got off the bus and coach stood in the doorway, “See you in two miles boys!”

With that, the bus drove off…

I looked at the four guys standing there… “Well guys, time to start running!”

We picked up a nice jog and I settled in next to Sep. He was smaller than me, and he could have easily outpaced us, but we all kind of agreed to stay together as a group. Sep and I out front, Andrew, the guy in the weight class right below mine, and Casey, the kid in the 171-pound class brought up the rear.

I ran with Sep quietly for about five minutes. He just kept running, his eyes faced directly forward. Finally, I asked him, “How much are you over?”

He didn’t say anything. It really wasn’t like Sep to be overweight on a day we had a weigh in. It wasn’t like Sep to be overweight period, but I had never seen him get on the bus overweight…

Cutting weight was something I was really glad I never had to deal with… guys acted like it was no big deal, but I knew it was brutal on them. Cutting pounds of weight in a day really took it out of you. There were rules about it of course, but nobody seemed to obey them…

I looked at Sep, realizing that he still hadn’t answered my question. He was really pissed at me for some reason…

I started splitting my attention between the road ahead of me and him, “Did I do something to piss you off?” I asked him.

He just kept running for a few seconds. Finally, he shook his head in disgust and sighed. “I’m just surprised you have time for us now…”

I looked at him in shock, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He looked back at me and I could see the naked anger in his eyes. “Dude, we’re on break. You got with Karly and suddenly you got no time for any of us. We haven’t seen you all week. Shit, you even ditched practice this week.”

I remembered then the shameful night I had broken down. I hadn’t felt up to going to practice the next day…

Sep didn’t really have a good idea of my past, and frankly, with his upbringing, he wouldn’t understand it. I kept it to myself. Karly was really the only one that knew shit about anything that had happened with my mom. I still felt bad though. I really hadn’t let Sep in…

I shook my head. “Sorry man. I didn’t even think about it. It really didn’t have anything to do with Karly… I was dealing with some personal stuff. Family stuff.”

I snuck a look at him and I could see he started to understand. He didn’t know about a lot of the early trauma that I’d suffered, but he knew a good chunk of the stuff I’d experienced with my dad. Hell, he had helped me through some of it. He wasn’t really a friend I counted on when the chips were down, but he was still a friend…

I had let him down. “I really am sorry” I continued. “I didn’t want to burden you with stuff. Hell, I don’t want to deal with it myself, I didn’t even think to talk with you about it.”

He looked at me again, still angry, “That’s the problem. You pick and choose what you share with me. Why should I be your friend? We’re not really friends. You hide shit from me, you only let me in on bits and pieces. I guess I’m just tired of pretending we’re friends…”

I was shocked at how he felt…

I shook my head and told him while we ran, “I’m sorry man.” I shook my head, pissed at myself for letting him down. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

He looked at me, “You sleeping with her?”

Anger flared up in me… he had no right to ask that. “How often are you fucking Jess?”

He looked back at me. He was angry at me before; he was pissed now. I cut him off before he could say something stupid. “See how it feels? Don’t ask me that again…” I warned him.

He looked back at the road and finally nodded his head. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

I punched him lightly in the arm. “Don’t sweat it. We’re both still working this shit out.” We kept running, our steps keeping pace… finally I added. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been a very good friend to you. I should have been there for you more. I’ve been selfish, and I’m sorry.”

He just shook his head. I could tell, he didn’t believe me…

He sighed again, “I’m also having Jess problems…”

I scratched the back of my head, feeling the sweat pooling there… “Need to talk about it?” I asked him.

He shook his head, no.

“Two pounds.” He finally said.

“Holy fuck!” I let slip. “Two fucking pounds?! How are you over two pounds…?”

He shook his head. “Ate too much yesterday…”

I noticed then that he was miserable. He was wearing two sweatshirts, and most likely several t-shirts. It was a trick a lot of guys used to drop a lot of weight quickly. You can’t drop that much fat in a couple of hours, but you could dehydrate yourself and maybe make it. I made myself pick up the pace. He needed to really get some work out of this run…

He looked at me. “Thanks,”

I threw my attention back behind me, “Andrew, how much you over?”

“Half a pound.” He answered.

Half a pound was manageable. As long as he didn’t drink between now and weigh ins he’d be fine, even without the run. He was a big guy and big guys dropped weight easier.

“Casey, what about you?” I asked.

“A pound.” He answered.

I shook my head. A pound for a lighter guy was tough… but both of them were in better of a spot than Sep was. Two pounds… he was going to be lucky to make weight.

“How far you guys think we’re in?” I asked the group.

Sep looked around, “Maybe three quarters of a mile?”

I nodded, figured that was about right… “Okay guys, race is on. Pick up the pace…”

I nearly doubled my pace. The other guys were lighter than me, though Andrew wasn’t by much. He ran on the high side of his class and it was right below mine. Flip a coin on a given day and Andrew and I would be close competition to see who was heaviest.

Sep kept pace without complaint. Casey was breathing hard and Andrew, after about half a mile spoke up, “I can’t keep this up…”

I just kept looking forward. “I weigh as much as you do. If I can do it, you can do it. Now shut up and run!”

To make my point, I poured on a little more speed. In another quarter mile, my lungs were burning bad…

I could see the bus ahead though, parked in a wide spot in the road. “Come on guys, last sprint!”

With that, I poured it on. Full speed. Sep and Casey kept up easily. Andrew flagged a bit, but he kept running. I was proud of him. The bus started to pull out…

I knew then with horror what coach was doing. He was going to pull out and make us run farther. I tapped Sep’s arm. He was fastest. “Pour it on. Get out ahead of it and don’t let them leave us.”

He leaned into it giving full speed. He left us in the dust. God, he was fast…

I kept the other guys at full speed. Sep burned down the side of the bus and started to come out in front of it. Thankfully the bus stopped…

We all ran all the way to the door, which thankfully stopped. We got on, with Sep and I bringing up the rear…

As we got on coach yelled cheerfully, “Thought you boys weren’t coming!”

I looked at him and smiled. One thing I had learned from years of being bullied. Never let someone trying to get under your skin see that they were getting what they wanted…

“Doing good coach, nice bracing run!”

Coach smiled at me.

I grabbed Sep’s arm. “Get your stuff and bring it up here. You’re sitting with me.” He started to open his mouth and argue, but I stopped him, “Shut up. I’m not taking no for an answer. I know enough about isolating myself to know that you need to be around your friends right now. So, shut up, grab your gear and bring your sorry ass up here with your friends.”

He smiled at me. The bus started rolling and he grabbed his gear and threw it in the seat across from me.

I sat in next to the window and tapped the seat next to me. “Get over here, we need to talk.” I told him.

He plopped in next to me. He was soaking wet, even through both his sweatshirts. I felt for him. I had cut 6 pounds in a day my sophomore year to go to this tournament and it had nearly killed me. I had thought at the time that I would have a better shot at winning by cutting the weight…

I had hidden the fact from my dad. It was one of the worst days of my life, so I had some appreciation for what Sep was going through…

I leaned into him hard, “So, what’s going on with you and Jess?”

He gave me a look. I really had no right to ask, but I figured maybe being there for him would help. He was quiet for so long I was sure that he wasn’t going to answer me. Finally, he shrugged, “Stupid shit. I started talking to her about college and stuff and she got pissed.”

Jess was two years younger than Sep. I knew from Karly, and her experience with Mike, who had gone off to college and started cheating on her, what Jess was going through. I didn’t like her very much, but she seemed to worship Joe. Losing him would be too much for her.

He continued, “I don’t even know what she’s pissed about.”

I looked at him like he was stupid. “She’s worried you’re going to drop her like a sack of potatoes. You’re going to run off to college and she won’t see you all day. You’ll be around older girls all day. She thinks you’re going to screw around on her.”

He wrinkled his face up. “That’s stupid.”

I leaned forward a bit, “Girls are stupid.” I said in an overly loud voice.

She surprised me when her hand shot out from under the seat and pulled my loose sneaker off. She started to hit me with it.

Sep laughed his ass off seeing me trying to get my foot out of the way.

“You done down there?”

The shoe started aggressively flying out and trying to hit me.

I leaned closer to Sep, looking down, hoping to see Karly. It was too dark down there now… the sun was starting to set and the bottom of the bus was too dark to see her as she hid beneath the seat.

“You done?” I asked her.

Her voice was small… “Maybe…”

My shoe started to come out tentatively. I had won and she was trying to give it back to me. I felt cocky. I put my foot under the seat. “You took it off, you can put it back on.”

Then I started screaming… I managed to pull my foot out, “Ow, ow, ow!”

Sep was laughing his ass off.

“What happened?” Joe asked me, leaning across the seat behind me.

“She bit me!” I told him.

Sep was laughing so hard he was holding his sides.

I leaned sideways. “Give me my shoe back.”

She was completely hidden beneath the seat. It was like a horror movie…

“Put your foot back down here…” She said breathlessly.

“No way!” she wasn’t biting me again…

Finally, my shoe came out of the hole tentatively. I snatched my shoe from her and put it back on.

I looked at Sep. “Now where were we…?”
“Put your foot back down…” Karly growled from beneath the seat…

I kicked at her, “Shut it, down there hobgoblin! Adults are talking up here.”

Her hand flew out and up and tried to grab my foot again. “Fuck you! I’m four months older than you!” she hissed.

I leaned again, trying to see her under the seat. “Don’t remind me I’m dating a MILF!”

Sep laughed next to me.

I pulled my phone out and typed into it quickly, “Cut me a break please baby girl? Sep could use a shoulder to lean on.”

She popped out over the top of the seat like a demented jack in the box, spooking both me and Sep! “I love adult conversations! What are we talking about!”

Sept looked really uncomfortable. I realized in that moment that Karly might be exactly the right person for him to talk to…

I scrunched up my chin and looked at him. He looked back at me expectantly. Finally, I told him. “Look, I know it sucks and it may be a little weird, but Karly has experience with what you’re dealing with, with Jess. She might be a good person to talk to about the problem…”

He looked at me with doubt, “I really don’t want to talk to a stranger about my relationship problems…”

I shrugged, “I realize that, and I can sympathize with it… but you said Jess started freaking out about you going off to college. Karly has seen how that can play out…”

I realized suddenly that while Sep might be uncomfortable talking with Karly about it, Karly might not be comfortable sharing either…

Was I being an insensitive ass?

I searched her face…

She smiled at me, and gave me a short nod.

She is so fucking amazing! I thought.

She looked at Sep. “He’s right. When Mike went off to school, I’d like to say that I never worried about it. I did though. I thought about it constantly.” She looked down, haunted by her memories. I shouldn’t have put her on this path… it was really insensitive of me to have done it…

“I thought I was in love with him… and when he was going to leave, I worried constantly. He was all I had, and I thought he would outgrow me, and that’s exactly what he did…”

My heart ached for her… how could I have been so stupid to bring this up…?

I kissed my fingers and put them on her lips. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up…” I told her, anguish in my voice.

She smiled and kissed her fingers and held her hand out to put them on my lips. “It’s okay. I have you now, and I realize that what I had with Mike wasn’t love, it was just me being a stupid kid. You, you I love.”

I looked at Sep’s face in the darkening bus. He had a wry smile on his face. I could tell he was happy for me, but more importantly, I could tell that he was starting to understand his situation with Jess a lot better too…

Chapter 14
When we got to Reno we went straight to the tournament grounds. We got checked in and coach told us we needed to get ready for weigh ins. Sep and I went straight to the scales. He stripped down and weighed in. He was still a half pound heavy…

He could weigh in starting in about an hour. Weigh ins lasted 60 minutes. That gave us two hours to get him to weight. Casey was still a bit over. Andrew was under.

“Andrew, go sit down.” I told him. Karly was standing there looking at Sep’s nearly naked body… “Karly, go with him. Don’t let him eat or drink anything. Not a thing, you understand?”

Her eyes tore away from Sep’s body and I felt a pang of jealousy. Sep was ripped, in much better condition than I was. My body fat hovered at about 11% and I knew his was closer to 8%. I didn’t look as good as he did, and I knew it…

Not much I can do about that though… I thought to myself.

I tried to remind myself she was only human. It didn’t help much. “Not a thing to eat or drink. You hear me?” I asked her.

She nodded, she knew I had caught her ogling Sep. “Nothing to eat or drink. Got it.”

I hit Joe on the chest. “Come on. We have to get Sep to weight. You and I are going to run him through his paces. Let’s go down on the mats and kick his ass a little. Sep, get your clothes back on.”

Joe smiled, Sep groaned. I pulled my warm up off. “Joe, give Sep your warm up. We need to wring him dry.”

Sep put all four sweatshirts on. I knew he was dying.

We hit the mats and Joe and I started working his ass off. We started with Sep down and Joe and I working him from the top starting position. I knew this was the point that was hardest on Sep and I figured while his energy levels were highest it was the best place to start. Joe and I were merciless on him. Sep was the best technical level wrestler of the three of us and to start he did pretty well. I focused mainly on just using my weight to sap his energy. He got out of a lot of holds and the instant he got to his feet Joe would tap me out and Sep would go back down.

We beat him hard for about 45 minutes like this. Once I saw him start to go watery I knew it was time to move onto the next position. We went to standing takedowns. It forced Sep to be aggressive, but it was not nearly as taxing as wrestling from the bottom. I didn’t worry about my technique and ordered Joe to do the same. We were both amazingly aggressive, simply shooting on Sep, hitting hard throws, crazy stuff that we’d never pull in matches. Sep caught more than he lost. He managed to do that for another 45 minutes…

When he started to lose each takedown, I tapped Joe, who I could see was starting to get winded. “Go weigh in.” I told him. “Sep and I are going to jog it out. We’ll wait till the last second and then weigh in.”

Joe looked back and forth at us nervously. “Okay.”

Sep was leaned over breathing heavily. “Gabby, you should go too.”

I shook my head at him. “No way. Joe, go. Come on Sep.”

With that I tapped Sep and forced him up to a trot. I still had a lot more energy than Sep did. I had been getting breaks for the last 90 minutes, he hadn’t.

We got up to a jog that was barely more than a fast walk. “How you doing?” I asked him.

He panted. “Not good… really thirsty.”

I was pretty tired too… “Look on the bright side, 20 minutes more and you get to drink all you want, one way or the other…”

We jogged for the next 23 minutes straight… it was hell. Finally, Karly and Joe caught up to us. Karly looked at me nervously, “You only have 7 minutes to weigh in. Come on!”

I stopped and looked at Sep. He was absolutely wrung out. I slapped him in the face lightly. “You did good. Whether you make it or not, I’m proud of you. Joe, you get him to the scales?”

He smiled at me weakly. I added, “Now bust your ass to the scales!”

Then I took off at a run, with Karly in tow. The scales were broken up by weight class, with so many wrestlers they needed to separate us. Karly and I sprinted for the scales for the heavyweight class. The rule was you had to be in line before time was up. I made it with a full two minutes to spare, so I knew Sep and Joe would make it too…

I stood there, leaned over my knees panting hard while Karly stood over me. She looked at me worriedly. “What can I do?” She asked me…

Stop checking out my friends… I thought bitterly.

“Water please…?” I finally said. She nodded and ran to a booth to get me water. She came back as I was first in line and handed me an absolutely huge bottle of Gatorade. It tasted like heaven. The guy watching the line looked at me skeptically. “You know you haven’t weighed yet, right?” He finally asked me.

I nodded, “I’ll make it…” laughing lightly.

The guy in front of me came out of the privacy booth and I stepped in with the judge. He looked at me questioningly. “Son, I think you’ll make weight… why’d you wait so long to weigh in?”

I smiled at him, “I was helping a friend.”

He smiled at me. I stripped for him. I just went down to my underwear, where a lot of the guys had to strip to their bare ass to make weight. You had to go down to at least your underwear so they could check for skin infections and such…

He checked my nails, and my beard to make sure I didn’t have too much stubble. I weighed 213.7 pounds… I had lost three pounds today…

I was going to need to seriously hydrate.

I stepped out still in my underwear. Karly looked me up and down hungrily. I was still kind of pissed off at her. Normally, I would have stayed at least shirtless for a while to let her look, but this time I pulled my sweats on quickly. My Rick and Morty t-shirt even faster.

She looked down and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear nervously. She handed me another drink, she must have snuck off and grabbed another while I was getting weighed. “I’m sorry.” She said shyly.

I felt a surge of annoyance and realized that I was just tired. And thirsty. I took the drink from her and hugged her. I sighed when I felt how good she felt against my body. “Don’t sweat it, baby girl. I’m just tired. You’re only human, you’re going to look.”

She pulled back from me and gave me a quick peck on the lips. I smiled at her. I started to let her go, “I love you baby girl, but I need a shower desperately… I stink…”

She hugged me tighter and whispered into my chest, “I like the way you smell when you sweat… it actually really turns me on…”

I laughed and kissed the top of her head. “Sure you do… now let’s see if Sep made weight.”

With that we ran to see.

He met us about halfway, a big water bottle in his hand. When I got there, he hugged me hard, “I made it… right on the nose… thank you.”

I hugged him back. “That’s what friends are for man…”

Chapter 15
The first day of the tournament was easy. The way tournaments are set up is kind of messed up. They feed the lower ranked kids to the top ranked kids. Coach buried me. I pulled a 24th seed, which put me in the easiest bracket. He timed me perfectly. The top ranked kid in my first day bracket was ranked 8th. The draw sucked, and I looked terrible to begin the tournament, but I really didn’t care about that. I cared about winning.

My first match I pinned the kid with a bear hug throw in under a minute. My second match I crushed the kid with an arm bar throw into a head and arm and pinned him in less than thirty seconds. My third match I pulled the number 9 seed. He lasted into the second round and took the down start. I pinned him with a leg in into a half nelson. You could tell that he had zero experience with a leg in defense. Heavyweights don’t leg in… I slipped the hold onto him and he froze. I turned him quick and put him down.

My fourth match, the last match of the first day… the kid took me three rounds. He was squirmy. I outclassed him and hit him with a takedown nearly straight out the gate. I worked from the top for the rest of the round. He fought back, but not very well, and certainly not effectively. I dominated him for the better part of a minute, and started to get a little frustrated when it was apparent that he wasn’t going to actually attempt to match me, but that he was only going to stall out.

I let him up, and took him back down three more times before the round ran out. I won the toss second round and differed. He took top and I used a hip out to get to my feet within seconds of the round starting. I scored three more takedowns and let ups before the round ended. That put me up by eight points by the beginning of round three… it was a good place to be.

I took down to start the round and caught him with another hip out. The hip out was an explosive move that was unusual for a big guy to even attempt much less to succeed at. It let me swing out of his grip and removed his ability to use his higher weight to wear me down. That put me up by nine points. From that point, I wrestled “smart” as coach called it. I didn’t let him have the big throws. I blocked him out and simply hit small moves while preventing him from scoring take downs. I ran him around the circle. He was completely worn out by the time the final whistle blew. I drew a warning for stalling, but didn’t really care…

I won, and that put me in the top bracket at the end of day one… that guaranteed me a top 10 finish… that wasn’t good enough for me however, I wanted a top five finish… I had to win at least one match tomorrow, and as I watched the field dwindle I started to wonder if that was going to happen…

A lot of these guys were monsters. None had my speed, and I was pretty sure I could match most of them for strength… but there was some awesome technique out there… Every other guy in my bracket weighed at least 50 pounds more than me, and knew how to use that weight to wear down their opponent…

One guy, one guy intimidated even me. He was a prefect mix of strength, speed, and weight. He attacked aggressively and I could see quickly how he had drawn a one seed…

His third match he scooped a kid that weighed 275 pounds off the ground and dropped him awkwardly. On paper, it looked like the kid that got picked up squirmed at just the wrong moment and caused the fall. The kid hit the mat like a sack of bricks. You could tell by the way he hit he was hurt. I watched the kid who had dropped him… there wasn’t an ounce of mercy in him. He just walked off to the side… and that was it.

Picking up someone that weighed 275 pounds was not as easy as picking up a 275-pound barbell. A person doesn’t lift easily, and a person that doesn’t want to lift seems like they weigh a lot more…

I couldn’t lift that kid…

I had hurt kids on the mat with my aggressiveness… but there was no way I could just walk away and not care… I had broken a kid’s ribs once… I had been out of control and had hit the kid with a freestyle start. I heard the snap, and I heard him scream…

I wanted to not care. I wanted to think I was tough. That he was outclassed and that he had no excuse being on the mat with me. I wanted to tell myself he didn’t matter. I couldn’t…

It still haunted me, and I still heard him scream. I didn’t use freestyle starts any longer. The risk was so high that I couldn’t bring myself to…

This guy. This guy had none of that. He hurt that kid, and he didn’t even blink. I was looking for an unsportsmanlike call. That would end the match with a loss for him… the call never came…

I shook my head as Karly wrapped her arms around me from behind. I took a deep breath and watched the guy get dressed. Karly’s voice surprised me, “He’s scary. I don’t want you to wrestle him…”

I scratched my left shoulder with my left hand and enjoyed her arms around me. “I don’t want to wrestle him either…”

I reached my arms back and wrapped them around her. It was awkward, and it hurt a bit, but I didn’t care. “Look on the bright side,” I told her, “if I face him, it will be in the finals…”

I turned and faced her. She hugged me tight and I returned her gesture. I kissed the top of her head and smelled her vanilla shampoo. I breathed her into the very bottom of my lungs, filling myself with her scent.

Coach yelled to us that we needed to come on, it was time to go.

We all loaded up into the bus and headed out to dinner. We went out to an Italian chain restaurant. The entire team, the coaches, Karly’s parents, and of course, Karly. She sat next to me and I loved it. It was a big, boisterous group. Everyone was loud and everyone ate well. I hit the salad really hard, doing my best to absolutely fill myself up. I needed the energy.

Karly sat close to me and we held hands under the table. I had to eat with my left hand, but I didn’t care…

When dinner was over, we went back to the hotel. The guys were all bunked up, four of us to a room. Several guys had been eliminated during the first day, and if you got eliminated, you got the floor. I had a bed to myself…

I sat on the bed and laughed and joked with the other guys. Karly walked into the open room and leaned against the wall, hugging herself. She looked at me and smiled. Then she winked and gave me a head nod indicating she wanted to talk to me outside.

I stepped out into the hall with her and she immediately wrapped her arms around me and pulled me in for a nice, long, leisurely kiss. I loved it when she kissed me like that…

My hands were on her sides, feeling the heat and softness there. I was so tired I leaned into her for support. She kissed me over and over… not a passionate kiss, just short little smooches that told me she loved me. I hadn’t realized how much I needed her…

I leaned in further and whispered in her ear… “I love you little one…”

She smiled at me… then tipped her head to the side, “Do you want to go back to my room with me…?”

I kissed her twice more, the last one sharing a little bit of tongue with her. “I would love to go back to your room with you… but you’d wear me out all night long…”

She kissed my nose. “You’re damn straight I would…”

I kissed her again. When we broke apart she hugged me tight and told me, “I’m really proud of you.”

I pulled her tight to me… “I’m pretty proud of me too.”

She pulled back from me and kissed my nose again. “Pretty full of yourself aren’t you…?”

She smiled and my heart warmed…

I nodded to the room, “Come on, we should go back in.”

She kissed my cheek and we stepped back in.

Joe laughed the instant we walked back in the room, her hand in mine… “That was fast you two!” he joked.

I smiled at him, “Very funny asshole!” I told him. We walked over to the bed and I jumped on and pulled her along with me. I put my back to the headboard and leaned my head back while she laid down and used my leg as a pillow. I tangled my left hand in her hair and massaged her scalp, just enjoying the feel of her under my hand.

Most of the guys looked at me and smiled.

Sep sat on the floor and looked at the two of us. “I’m never going to get used to seeing the two of you together…” he told us.

I smiled at him and Karly rolled back and looked at me. “I’m not going to get used to it either…” she told me, looking into my eyes…

I rubbed both of my hands through her hair focusing on rubbing her scalp above her ears. “Don’t worry, this ugly mug will grow on you…”

She smiled at me. “I doubt that…”

I mussed her hair, and covered her face…

The guys all laughed and we all continued joking.

Sep looked at me seriously. He gave me a quick salute. “You and I are the only ones still in the winner’s bracket. How do you think you’re going to do?”

I shook my head. Last year I had only won two matches. Truthfully, I was happy to be where I was. I figured I’d be looking at the loser’s bracket by this point. That would have sucked, but it would have been manageable. I could lose all three matches at this point and still place in the top 10. “I honestly don’t know. What do you think?”

He sighed. “Difficulty level goes up pretty damn fast from here…”

That was the truth.

He looked at me. “Did you see that guy drop that kid at the end of the last round?”

I looked at him. “Yeah.”

He looked at me with worry in his eyes. “I’ve never seen a guy do that… Never.”

I shook my head at him. “Neither have I.”

He sighed. “Could you pick a guy up like that?”

I looked at him, and shook my head… “No.”

Karly’s hand moved up to my head, rubbing my ear. “Yes, you could.”

I looked at her seriously and shook my head. “No I couldn’t. I’m strong, but not that strong. I could lift that guy like that if he held still. If he was fighting me. No way.”

I looked back at Sep, took a deep breath and sighed. “He’ll be a tough nut. If I face him, on the bright side, it will be in the finals…”

He smiled at me. “Guess it could be worse…”

Karly snuggled into me deeper and I just let my head drop back. I was actually enjoying the sound of everyone’s voices, even in the small room…

Half an hour later coach came in. “Okay, everyone break it up…” His eyes fell on Karly sitting there. She had fallen asleep on my leg. He smiled a half smile at us. “Time for bed kids…”

I kissed Karly on the forehead. “Sleep tight baby girl…”

She ran her fingers over my face in our private salute. I returned the gesture.

She smiled, and took off…

Chapter 16
The next day was considerably tougher…

My first match I barely won…

Coach pulled me aside before the match started… “This kid is the number 8 seed. You know, that right?”

I looked at him. “I know.”

He looked at the kid. He was a full 275 pounds, and while he was on the tubby side, he had slabs of muscle on him like I did. He was as tall as me, though I thought I might have some reach on him. Coach told me I was built like a gorilla. Super long body, super long arms, and shorter legs. I knew it came from borderline malnutrition as a kid. My dad even had a doctor look at me once when I didn’t seem quite proportioned right…

The other guy paced like a caged bear…

He looked at me. “You got a plan?”

I shook my muscles out and stretched. I wasn’t going to impress him with my physique. I wasn’t going to psych him out, so I needed to focus on getting my body ready… “I have an idea, help me stretch out my neck.”

Coach moved in front of me and pulled my head down while I fought against him. He moved to my side and did the same, then behind me and held my head as I fought against him. Then he helped me to do my last side…

Finally, I looked at coach. “Yeah. I got a plan. I’m going to go after him. I’m going to roll the dice big and see if I can catch him napping. I’m going to shoot him the instant the whistle blows.”

He looked at me like I was crazy. “You’re sure?”

I met his eyes. “I need to get out ahead of him. Whoever scores the first points is going to win.”

He raised his eyebrows again. “Better hope he doesn’t catch you then… you have an idea what shot you’re going to take?”

I smiled at him. “Yep. I’m going to hit him with a double leg.”

Coach shook his head. “That’s really risks. You’re giving up a lot of weight and this guy ain’t no slouch…”

I looked at Karly, sitting in her little chair at the scoring table. I was scared. I knew this match would make or break a top five finish for me. Win it, and I had a shot. Lose it, and I’d have to battle back from the loser’s bracket. My heart skipped a beat thinking about it…

The match ahead of us wrapped up and I started pulling off my warm up gear. I put on the headgear Samantha had given me… they were so much more comfortable than my old ones… Then I looked down at the shoes Karly had given me. They looked nice, and they felt good. I looked at her and smiled, lifting my feet and wiping the dust from the soles. I was going to burn rubber the first instant I could, and I couldn’t afford to have them slip on me.

She smiled at me. Then she gave me a serious nod that told me she believed in me. It calmed me.
I lined up across from him. My hands tingled and I wanted so badly to wiggle my fingers. To get ready for the fast movement I would need when that whistle blew…

I forced my hands to be still. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my pounding heart…

If I hesitated when the whistle blew I was screwed. If he caught me mid shoot, I was screwed. If he sprawled just right, I was screwed.

The double leg takedown was the riskiest move I could attempt. In order to pull it off, I needed to shoot down to a knee and wrap both my arms around his legs, driving through him. If he sprawled on me, his weight would drive me into the floor. There was no way that I could drive through him with leverage working against me…

Few heavyweights used a double leg. Giving up 60 pounds, it was downright suicidal.

I didn’t plan on using a standard double leg however…

See, most guys who shoot a double leg will keep their head up, they’ll try to hit the other guy with their chest and shoulder. The idea is to drive through the opponent. I could try that, but I didn’t like the percentage in it. It was easy to hit just slightly off target and that loss in momentum would cause me to slide off. He would drive me into the mat if that happened.

I wasn’t planning on doing that. No, I was going to hit him with the dirtiest move I could think of…

The whistle blew and I shot. It was textbook. My right knee kissed the mat, I got both hands right where I wanted them one behind each knee…

That would have been good, but he did start to sprawl… it wouldn’t have been enough. Not without the coup de grace. I head-butted him in the crotch, spearing him with the top of my head. My neck screamed in pain from the move, but the pain, and shock he felt when I hit him in that extremely sensitive spot caused him to hold still for just a split second. It was enough for me to drive through him and force him back onto his butt.

I had him. He was screwed and he could try to fight the take down and lose the match, or he could give up the take down and stay in it. He took the smart way out…

He rolled to his stomach and I took his back. I kept my weight on him and instantly swung around him cocking a cross face and laying it hard across his head. It was just this side of legal, in the same vein as the head-butt to the crotch… it was dirty, but just this side of the rules…

I went after him hard and he blocked. He turned his head from me and tried to squirt away while my weight was off him. I could vaguely hear coach telling me to get my weight back on him…

No duh… I thought to myself…

I got my weight back on him. I had no choice. I couldn’t afford to let him up, and I couldn’t afford to let him escape. If he escaped, he’d take a point and I was only up by two. I needed some leverage to screw up later. I threw a cross face just to show I was working. It was harder than it needed to be, but I wanted him on his toes. I wanted him to be worried about protecting himself, not working to his feet. He turned his face away from me…

I bashed my left forearm into the back of his head, hard. I ground it in up to my elbow and tried to work my right arm in under his arm to try a power nelson. He blocked.

He started to move to all fours and I slipped a leg in on him. I could tell he was surprised, but he still blocked. My leg got stuck and he sat out on me…

That put me in a bad spot. I braced myself with my left arm and grabbed his chin with my right hand. He scooted, trying to force himself up my body…

I couldn’t let him do that… I did something desperate and stupid…

I threw in a half nelson and switched to a body scissor. It took him by surprise and he went back. I got him to expose his back to the mat for maybe a second…

He panicked and flipped back to his stomach. I was lucky.

I managed to control his back for the rest of the round…

I got up at the whistle… my lungs burning bad. I put my hands above my head and walked it off a bit while the ref threw the coin. It landed, his choice. He chose top…

Heavyweight was one of the few classes a guy would choose top if they won the coin toss. With me giving up weight, I was going to have to work extremely hard to get out from beneath him, and he knew it.

I went to all fours and he took his position. I purposely kept my head low, encouraging him to ride high on me. The whistle blew and I snapped my head up and tried to stand out. I felt my head hit him in the face…

It was a really dirty move on my part… it was however, legal. It wasn’t my fault that he rode high and didn’t protect his face. My move was legal, and yes, I baited him into it, but he was trying to be aggressive and use his weight against me. I was just letting him know he better protect his ass the whole time or I was going to catch him flat footed. I needed him on the defense. He was bigger than me, and while he was on top, I needed him to hesitate in his movements so I could use my speed to get the better of him.

The whistle blew immediately. I might get called for a roughness call… I knew after the hit he took to the face he would be bleeding.

The ref simply called a blood timeout and the other guys’ coach was screaming bloody murder. I didn’t get called though…

The ref checked him and I could see he had a bloody nose. The ref sent him to his coach to get the bleeding stopped. The ref looked at my shoulder, “You’ve got blood on your shoulder, go get it cleaned off, coach, help him.”

I walked over the coach and he had bloody murder in his eyes. He started wiping me down with a wet cloth and growled over my shoulder, “That was very lucky on your part….”

I looked at him deadpan. “He didn’t need to ride up. He could have put his head down. I tried to stand, he tried to be a dick and use his weight on me. Serves him right, plus, I need him to hesitate…”

Coach gave me a dark look.

I walked for a minute or so while they patched the other guy up, keeping my hands above my head to get air into my body. I didn’t look at Karly… she would not have approved of that move…

They finally got the blood under control and moved us back to the center. I again was down and assumed the position. This time I kept my head up and I felt him take a much less aggressive hold on me, and I could tell his head was tucked tight…

Smart boy… I thought… not going to help you though… I added.

The whistle blew and I did a hip slide. He reacted exactly as I thought he would, he thought I was going to try to stand out again. That meant I caught him flat footed. He was just a tab bit faster than I thought he was going to be though… I managed to grab his leg as I whipped around and we both made it to our feet. I wasn’t going to score an escape… but I was going to get a reversal. That would be another two points.

I had his leg up in the air… I saw it coming… he cocked back his arm and “cross faced” me. In reality he punched me in the face. I saw stars and my knees buckled beneath me. My chest hit the mat and he was on me. He had me in a double under and I knew I was in trouble if I didn’t get my wits…

Now I could hear my coach screaming bloody murder.

I smelled blood and knew it was my own…

Panicking I blew out my nose hard, spraying blood on the mat. The whistle blew and I came to my feet shakily. I tipped my head back and let the blood roll down the back of my throat. Coach walked past me screaming and left me to one of the assistants. I could hear coach screaming for a roughness call. He was yelling at the ref that the guy had just punched me in the face…

Jimmy, the assistant looked at me. “Which one is bleeding?”

I swallowed blood and told him, “Both.”

Jimmy had gloves on and he was looking up my nose. “You okay?” he asked me.

I took a deep breath through my mouth while Jimmy pushed cut off tampons up my nose to stop the bleeding… “Fucker knocked me out…” I whispered, not wanting to get called for using profanity on the mat.

Jimmy finished shoving the other tampon piece up my nose, “Yeah. Saw that.”

I took a second to catch my breath. Coach came over, still cursing under his breath… “You okay…?”

I nodded to him. I wasn’t. I was still really light headed but I was clearing up. “I’m good.”

He grabbed my head and put a finger on each side of my nose… “Don’t think it’s broken…”

I pulled away from him, “I’m fine. I got this.”

Coach nodded to me and signaled to the ref that I was okay to continue. The guy mounted on my left side. The whistle blew and he did exactly what I expected him to do. He cross faced me across the left side of my head, again, nearly a punch.

This time I was ready for it. I turned my head and let it fall across my cheek, protecting my nose. I had done the same thing to enough guys to know how to take it. I tried to hip out and he laid across me. Another cross face dropped across the right side of my face. He was essentially beating on me…

I turned away from that too. Fine. He wants to play dirty rules… watch this…

I did nothing. I did absolutely the bare minimum necessary to not get called for stalling, but I stayed on my stomach and just countered everything he threw at me. I was up by two points. He wants to play rough? Well I wasn’t going to make myself vulnerable to jack. I scooted around, I blocked everything he threw at me and I did the one thing he couldn’t afford to have me do. I bided my time. He was bigger yes, and he would have bled my strength dry had I really tried to escape, but by just turtling up I was just making him work…

I made him work his ass off the rest of the match while I took a break…

The round ended and we both got to our feet. The other guy was obviously pissed. I was feeling good for getting under his skin. The ref looked at me and asked for my position choice…

I looked at the guy and I could tell that he thought I was going to take down and he was going to get to beat on me for another two minutes…

I was honestly tempted. From the bottom, I was in a good spot. I barely had to work to avoid a stalling call and the work was all on him to move the match on. I could tell he was tired though…

“Standing.” I told the ref…

I saw shock on both their faces. I had two other matches at least to go… I couldn’t afford to let him beat on me for another two minutes. Fuck this guy.

The whistle blew and I dove in and grabbed an under hook. Nobody uses and under hook. I never understood why. Big guys always wanted to go for a tie up, which was stupid, in a tie up all you could do was dance each other around the mat…

An under hook however gave me complete control of his upper body. I locked it in and then started pretending I was trying to get to a single leg…

The ref bought it for about a minute, and then he figured out I was stalling… sucker.

I drew my first stalling warning with less than a minute left in the round. That gave me a minute to waste…

I came out of the gates of the warning like a dead cow. I blocked everything he threw at me and did jack all else. I again used my better conditioning to wear him down and make him work while I did nothing. I lost a point for stalling with 25 seconds left in the match…

Still up by a point…

The whistle blew and I did the one thing that was unthinkable. I shot another double leg…

Again, I hit him square in the balls with my head, and again, he went down like a sack of potatoes…

I didn’t manage to score the takedown before we ran out of time, but I did win the match….

He was pissed at the end. I could hear him throwing insults at me from the other side of the mat, calling me a cheater, and a coward. I didn’t care… I was in the top 5, for certain!

My hand was raised; I had won the match! I went to where coach was and he smiled at me…

Then my world was filled with Karly. She was in my arms, hugging me tight. I just wanted her to hold me…

Coach cleared his throat and I let Karly down…

I smiled at him. He looked me in the eye. “That was a tough match. You did well…”

I nodded, embarrassed. I didn’t care about the match anymore. I just wanted to run off into a corner and share what I was feeling with her…

She kissed me on the cheek and I remembered why I loved her so much…

Chapter 17
My next match… my next match didn’t go so well. He was the second seed. The number two ranked wrestler in the tournament. I lined up against the kid. He was big, not as big as the last kid, but he had a good forty pounds on me…

He was also a better wrestler. Everything I tried to do, he blocked. He made me look really bad. He had me outscored by 6 points going into the third round. I was screwed.

We started the round on our feet, and he continued to dominate me. Every takedown I tried, he countered. On the plus side, I wasn’t hemorrhaging points anymore…

I wasn’t letting him score on me, he wasn’t letting me score on him. It was apparent that neither of us were going to score a pin on the other…

We ticked down to the last 60 seconds…

He tried to take me down aggressively and we both ended up out of bounds. I had lost…

I hung my head as I started back to the center. I knew I couldn’t beat him… I’d go out with a blaze, but I wasn’t going to win.

“Hey!” it was Karly’s voice. My head snapped to her and I looked at her. She was seated at the scoring table, her eyes piercing into me. “You promised me…”

My heart fell. I had promised her that I wouldn’t quit. Not that I’d win. Not that I’d dominate. That I wouldn’t quit. But that’s what I was doing…

The whistle blew and I knew I couldn’t quit, that I wouldn’t. I had promised her…

I took him in an over hook and turned my side to him. It was risky, but I needed him off balance. I was down by six. The only way for me to win, was to score a pin. The only way to get a pin in less than a minute, with his skill level, was to put him straight on his back. The only way to put him straight on his back was to do something risky. Something risky and something very, very stupid.

I threw myself off balance into him, kicking at his leg, trying to get him off balance. I needed him to lean into me, and I needed him to lean into me hard…

He bit hard. I set the hook.

I snapped my weight around and dropped, rolling across my back and pulling his body across mine. My back went across the mat and I heard his body strike…

I snapped my hips over and got my arm in behind his head, continuing to hold his arm in the over hook. I heard the hand hit the mat, and I was shocked…

I had scored a pin…

I had won…

I heard Karly scream in excitement! I was in the finals… there was no way I was in the finals… I wasn’t in the top five… I was guaranteed a top two finish…

It was unreal. We shook and the guy actually hugged me…

He raised my hand for the ref… then looked at me, “That was awesome…” he told me. “I haven’t been pinned all year…”

There was joy in my heart.

Coach shook my hand. Karly dived on my back, hugging me tight. Her mouth was hot on my ear. “I knew you wouldn’t quit… I knew you could beat him!”

I spun out of her grip and hugged her tight. I kissed her cheek, “I would have baby girl… I had given up. If you hadn’t of woken me up… I would have quit.”

She smiled at me… tears in her eyes… “I’m so proud of you…”

I pulled her in tight and hugged her as hard as I could. Coach dove in and shared the hug. Then a couple of my team mates. Pretty soon I was crushed under the weight of all of them… I only felt Karly… I only cared about Karly.

Chapter 18
I was bleeding again…

I had to wrestle that monster in the finals. The one that picked that kid up and dropped him. I knew it would be him when I saw him wrestle the day before. What I didn’t realize was how brutal he would be to wrestle. He weighed the full 275 pounds, every ounce of it. Some of it was fat, but the vast, vast majority of it was brutal, powerful muscle.

He was enormously strong. Stronger than even coach…

I had never been thrown around the way this guy threw me around. He wasn’t gentle. He showed absolutely zero regard to my safety. He wrestled like I did, just this side of the rules…

My speed and aggressiveness was the only thing that kept him from hurting me. Well that and skill. I was the better wrestler; it was just that I was wrestling an enraged grizzly bear…

I was worn out… Six brutal matches going into this one… and now this one.

I was down by three points at the beginning of the third round. He had done something no other wrestler had managed to do the entire tournament. He had nearly pinned me. In the second round, he reversed a move I had made and threw me nearly straight to my back. I was in it until then. That one move had cost me three points… I fought tooth and nail, but the truth of the matter was that had the round not ended… he would have pinned me.

He had the choice to begin round three. The ref looked at him, “Red’s choice.”

The monster looked at me. “I choose top.”

Fuck! I thought to myself… I had hoped he’d take bottom; it was what most wrestlers took. Maybe if he was feeling really cocky he’d take standing and I’d have the chance to work from my strongest position. Instead, I was stuck on the bottom, beneath this monster so he could beat on me…

He mounted on my left side. His hand wrapped around my stomach firmly… I heard his knuckles pop he squeezed my left elbow so hard.

The whistle blew and he sunk in a tight waist and chopped my left arm hard. He pulled me and tried to tip me straight to my back. He almost succeeded. He would have succeeded, but I didn’t fight it. I threw myself into it as hard as I could. I went across my shoulders briefly and as I was over I kicked as hard as I could. I flew over him and knew I was free!

His head hit me square in the face…

I went back onto my back, my face in blinding agony. I managed to turn and protect the pin… the whistle stopped him from coming on any more.

The ref called my coach in and he ran over to me. I could hear Karly’s voice, and then I felt her hands on me. Coach was telling her to back off, to give me some air. Coach’s hands were on my face… he looked into my eyes…

“You okay Gabe?” he asked me.

I shook the cobwebs out of my head. “What happened?”

Coach was holding a rag to my face, trying to stop the bleeding. “He head-butted you.”

I blinked, trying to control the pain and gain my senses. “He get called?” I asked.

Coach shook his head, “No. Ref says it was accidental.”

I looked him in the eye… “My ass, accidental.”

Coach shrugged… I could tell he wanted me to keep going… but he also realized that this kid might just hurt me to hurt me.

I let him off the hook, “Let’s get this blood stopped before I get dq’d.”

I saw relief in his eyes as he took me to our corner. Again, I got a tampon shoved up my nose… it hurt a lot more this time…

Coach looked at me, “I think it’s broken.”

Rage surged through my mind, and I could feel the chains starting to stir…

I looked at Coach and tried to shove it down… it wasn’t going back in the cage though… “Not the first time it’s been broken, probably not the last.”

I went back to the center and got down. My vision was completely red… I was angrier than I had been in forever… This was how it always is… someone always thought they could push me. Someone always thought they could hurt me. They always thought they could put their hands on me. I only had one choice… I had to bite and claw. To howl and curse. I wasn’t going to behave…

The whistle blew and I made a rash decision. I moved quickly to my right and then I snapped my left elbow back and hit the kid square in the face with it…

It wasn’t legal. It wasn’t even this side of legal… I didn’t care.

I drew a call for unnecessary roughness… it cost me a point and I was warned that another violation and I would be dq’d from the tournament.

Coach looked pissed but I really didn’t care.

It was time to close this one out.

I went back down into the defensive position. I knew what he was going to do…

The whistle blew and he tried to chop my arm and threw in another brutally tight, tight waist. I grabbed his wrist and pulled a suicide roll.

Once again, I rolled across my back. If he had dropped his hips back, I was screwed. Problem was, he was so aggressive he was trying to beat on me. He overcommitted hard and went straight over my side. He went straight to his back. I pinned him right there.

I got up with my arms raised.

He got up swinging…

I let him go over my back and used his momentum to carry him over, then I stood and snapped his body hard. In a wrestling match your knee had to hit first, before your opponent did. I didn’t bother even pretending to go to a knee. He hit the mat hard, knocking the wind out of him. I guess Karly was right. I could lift a guy that big with him fighting it…

He looked hurt. I didn’t care…

Coach was on his feet and screaming. The kid got dq’d. So much for second place for him…

I nearly got dq’d too… only thing that saved my ass was that coach argued I was just protecting myself when the other kid came at me after the match had ended…

I got a gold medal…

Chapter 19
I sat on the bed in a towel, fresh from the shower, staring at the medal…

How the fuck had I won gold…? I wanted a top five… I got top…

I shook my head.

There was a knock at the door. I looked over as Joe opened it a crack. He was in a towel too, headed to the shower himself. There were two other guys in various stages of undress in the room.

He talked with someone at the door quietly and then turned to me. “It’s Karly.”

I looked at him and the dark clouds parted and let the light through. I smiled, “Tell her just a sec, I’m in a towel here…”

He turned and passed the message, closing the door quietly as he finished, laughing the whole time. I looked at him. “She says you can lose the towel… she doesn’t mind!”

I smiled at him and he returned my shit eating grin. I grabbed a pair of shorts and pulled them on. I looked at my phone quickly. Looking at my friends… “Can I meet you guys downstairs in 15 or so…?”

They all smiled at me. Joe clapped me on the shoulder. “Make it 30.”

I threw my medal on the bed and ran to the door.

My Karly met me on the other side. She dove straight into my arms. Her kiss was fierce and proud. Her arms held me so tight I thought she might hurt me and her tongue probed its way around my mouth.

She was so energetic she shoved me into the door.

I didn’t mind.

We turned in the little alcove and I pressed her against the wall, my kiss becoming more and more predatory.

I was breathing hard by the time we broke for air. I looked into those beautiful eyes… “Can we go to your room…? I think I really need to open my present right now…”

She bit her lip, thinking naughty thoughts I was sure… “Oh, thank God!” she exclaimed.

She pulled me by the hand down the hallway, both of us nearly running in our haste. I’m sure anyone watching would have known exactly what we were thinking… a girl leading a half-naked guy down the hallway… hell I didn’t even have shoes on!

I really didn’t give a shit. I only cared about her right now.

She fumbled with the little card lock as I kissed her neck, thankful for her shorter haircut that gave me new access to her neck…

“Stop that!” She commanded me. “I can’t focus on the door thingy with you doing that…”

She growled in frustration as she finally got the little light to turn green and wrenched the door open. In a flash, we were both inside.

We tangled in a pile of limbs and kissing and vaguely worked our way to the bed. If we didn’t make it to the bed soon I was taking her right here on the floor…

I kissed her and pulled at the button on her jeans… stupid jeans. I got them down to mid-thigh and reached under her arms. I lifted her and threw her ass down on the bed.

She squealed as I lifted her and then giggled as she hit. I wrenched her pants to her knees and that was as much patience for her clothes as I could summon. I climbed between her legs, forcing her pants over my head and pressing myself to her bare crotch. My kisses found their way to her neck and she turned her face into me. We kissed passionately, our tongues tangling…

My hands found their way up her body as I ground my hips to hers… I was really regretting the fact that I was wearing those shorts….

Her kisses moved to my neck and she started to fumble with trying to push my shorts down, but her angle was so awkward she couldn’t make much progress… “Take those off…” she begged.

I started fumbling with them.

“Hurry,” She panted…

That was all the invitation I needed. I pulled my shorts down just passed my ass and like that I was inside her…

“God,” I moaned into her ear… “how are you always so ready for me…?”

Her kisses found my ear and she breathed her hot breath against me, moaning as I pushed myself effortlessly into her…

“Because I was made for you…” she moaned… “and you were… oh fuck… made for me.”

She used her jeans and the pressure they provided on the back of my legs to pull me into her harder. I didn’t pound her… I just wanted to make love to her. I slid into and out of her gently…

It was still really fucking hard… I hadn’t realized how much I had missed her body; how much I had missed joining myself to her. My hands slid inside her shirt, not to paw at her, but simply to feel as much of her skin as I possibly could…

My kisses smothered her face…

Then I felt her tighten around me… it felt so good I had to stop…

I pulled away from our kiss, “What the fuck was that?” moaning into her ear.

She smiled… “That toy you got me taught me a new trick…” I pushed myself back into her, thankful that she had loosened her hold on me… “Fuck!” she moaned.

She made me meet her eyes again… “Let me watch…” she moaned.

I had just pulled out of her and was sliding back in when she tightened herself down there again… fuck it was like heaven!

I almost fell over the edge right there…

I managed two more strokes into her. I kissed her hard and started to push back into her as she did it again…

I shook my head… “You gotta stop that… I can’t hold on with you doing that…”

She pulled me in close to her and her hot breath on my neck, her body tightening on me as I stroked into her she whispered, “Go to town… you’ve earned it…”

I sped up my rhythm and she tightened on me each time I pushed into her…

I only lasted four more strokes before she pulled me over the edge…

I ground my hips into her, feeling my body release into her.

“Oh, my god baby girl…” I growled into her neck as I fell over the edge. I kind of wished she had fallen over with me… but only for a second, she gave me such pleasure…

My lips met hers again and I finally started to realize how much my nose hurt…

Pulling away from her I stared into her eyes. I shook my head and looked at her, how could I be so fucking lucky…? A lifetime of absolute shit, and this angel falls into my life…? I kissed her again and then told her, “I love you so much baby girl…”

Her hand latched on the back of my head and held me into the kiss. It made my nose fucking hurt, but I really didn’t care.

I ground myself into her one more time… finally managing to untangle myself from her kiss…

She noticed then… “Oh my fucking god… your face!”

I smiled a lopsided smile at her, “Hey, I’m not that ugly!”

She grabbed both sides of my face to make me hold still while she mother henned me… “Oh, baby!”

I kissed her, really making my nose hurt… “It’s not that big of a deal, he just broke my nose.”

I had assessed the damage once I had gotten back to the hotel. My nose was a bit swollen and I had two black eyes… it hurt like hell, but at least it had settled down to a dull ache.

She ran her fingers under my eyes, “Hey now… that fucking hurts…” I whined.

She kissed me lightly, avoiding my nose… “I’m so sorry baby…”

I pushed my face into hers again, kissing her hard. It hurt but I wanted her to know I was okay.

I broke from our kiss and she put her hands on my ass and pulled me into her. She wiggled her hips a bit. I was semi soft but still inside her… “You want to stay here and… rest a bit?” she teased me.

Smiling at her I told her, “Nah! I’m done with you now.”

She gave me a vicious thrust with her hips… the thought of staying in the room with her had gotten me pretty excited pretty quickly… that thrust was pure evil. “You sure about that?” she teased.

My head dropped in pleasure to her chest and I pushed into her harder just to feel how she felt…

I finally managed to get control of my hormones. In truth, I was dead dog tired. I just wanted to curl up and fall asleep. My defenses were frayed and I wanted to be away from the world for a while…

I made myself lie to her. “No baby girl. I want to take you out on the town and celebrate…”

She gave me a look that told me she knew I was lying. “Gabby. You don’t have to lie to me.”

I kissed her and pulled myself out of her. It was something of an adventure for us to get untangled with me wrapped up between her and her jeans…

When I finally broke free I gave her another little peck. It was a chaste kiss, just the kind I used to tell her that I loved her and that I thought she was the best woman in the world. I blinked at her sleepily. “I want to go out with you. I want to show you off. Let the world know you belong to me, and I belong to you, and that I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”

I smiled at her. My fatigue was sneaking up on me. It was our last night in Reno with the team and all the guys were given free rein to run around and have fun. They all wanted to cut loose and right now I was the man of the hour. They all wanted to celebrate and howl at the moon for a while.

Sneaking out from between her legs I let her pull her pants back up as I flopped on the bed next to her and tried to rub my face. I got as far as my nose and the pain shooting through my face made me stop…

“Ow… that was a mistake…” I moaned in misery.

She pulled my hands away from my face. “We should stay in…”

I could see the disappointment in her face. No way I was letting her down. I forced a smile onto my face. “I’m fine. I’m just tired. Once I start moving around I’ll be fine…”

She gave me the Karly look. The one that said she knew I was full of shit. “You sure?”

Wrapping a hand in her shirt I pulled her in for a kiss. My nose screamed in pain but her lips felt so good I told it to shut it.

We broke out of the kiss and I smiled at her. “I’m positive.”

There was a knock at the door. I pulled my shorts up while she answered the door. Joe popped his head in and asked, “Gabby, you got a room key?”

I yawned mightily and realized that I didn’t. “Shit! No!”

I jumped out of the bed. “You guys all ready?”

He nodded at me, “Yep.”

Yawning I shook my head…. “Give me a sec to get dressed and I’ll be right down. I’ll meet you in the lobby.” Looking at Karly, I amended, “We’ll meet you in the lobby.”

Karly decided to gang up on me. “Joe, tell his stupid ass to stay in. He’s exhausted. He doesn’t need to go running around all night.”

I saw the disappointment in Joe’s eyes… He forced it down, but I still saw it. Then he looked at me. “Dude, she’s right. You look like shit. You should stay in and get some rest.”

No way that I was letting down two of the most important people in my life…

“I’m good. I just need to move around a bit.” I forced a smile onto my face.

She looked at him, “Stubborn ass…”

He smiled at her, “Yep.”

We went back to the room and I pulled on a pair of black cargo shorts, my favorite Rick and Morty shirt, socks and shoes. Karly looked at me funny, “Aren’t you going to be cold?” she asked.

I shook my head at her, yawning mightily. “I’ll be good. The cold will help me wake up.”

I met the rest of my crew in the lobby, we all coordinated by cellphone. Karly and I were the only ones above 18 but as a crew we decided that we were going to hit a buffet for dinner, and then head into one of the casinos. None of us was legal to gamble. Nobody seemed to care. We were all just planning on hitting some of the slots and we figured that the casino probably wouldn’t care if we lost some money…

We decided on the Atlantis, being a big casino with a buffet and in easy walking distance, plus the fact that we weren’t staying there as guests were all points in its favor. We walked as a group, Karly and I holding hands and joking as a group. Karly was a bit reserved, and my heart ached a bit for her as I saw her making an effort to get along with my friends as an outsider. The guys all seemed to be taken with her and I could see effort on their parts to make her a part of the group. It warmed my heart to see people that I cared about trying to all get along for my sake.

I yawned mightily several times on the way over, Karly giving me her mother knows best look each time… she didn’t press me on it any more though.

We got to the buffet and I started to feel… funny.

There were so many people! It was loud, it was boisterous… I had a hard time keeping my focus anywhere. The worst part was we had to walk through the casino to get to the buffet and I was seriously starting to regret our decision to go to the casino…

So many people in such a confined space… I was bumped into, coughed on, one old lady even nearly hit me with her little scooter thing…

Things were a bit better inside the restaurant, but I was starting to feel really anxious…

Karly noticed and snuck in a cuddle with me while we stood in line. “You okay?” she asked, her worry plain painted on her pretty face.

I tried to rub my eyes and was again foiled by the pain in my nose. I blinked at her stupidly, through tears brought on by the pain…

I finally nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired, and really hungry.”

She raised an eyebrow at me, then her hand smacked me on the ass. “You’ve already eaten today!” she joked with me.

I knew she was trying to use sex to lighten my mood… I put my arm around her and just appreciated the warmth of her and her comforting presence.

We got to the front of the line and I insisted on paying for the both of us… Karly wasn’t happy about it, but I insisted. She finally relented when I leaned and in plucked a solid kiss on her and told her it wasn’t up for argument…

I ate like a king…

I was lucky, I didn’t have to worry about my weight like a lot of the guys did so I went crazy. Steak, potatoes, salad, meatloaf, ham, bread, broccoli covered in cheese sauce, and several slices of cheesecake all made their way into my stomach!

I also watched what Karly ate… I always wanted to know the things she liked so I knew what to make for her later… I always wanted to provide for her and I noticed that there was a strong tendency in my mind to watch and care for her safety and providing food for her. I figured it was a biological thing, some ancient throwback to a time when being a good provider of those things equated to being a good mate. I also loved anything that made her happy, which helped me to really look for the things she liked!

She sat next to me, and being the only girl at the table she ended up eating significantly less than any of the guys replacing several thousand calories worth of hard work over the past couple of days. She ate slower though, so it balanced out.

I was feeling better by the time we finished with the food, though each trip to the buffet to get food seemed to spike my anxiety. The only thing that seemed to help was returning to Karly…

My friends helped too, but it was different with them. I couldn’t break down with them the way I could with her. I knew they were there for me, but it was just… different. They needed me to be strong. To be someone who kept in control. She didn’t, nor did she seem to care that I was less than a man…

Once dinner was over we hit the casino and the group fragmented pretty quickly. We figured it would be a safer bet to split up as a large group of young people would be easier to spot than a gaggle of kids hitting the machines.

It was so loud…

My anxiety spiked the instant we got into the crowded room. People hustled and bustled all over the place, all with the manic intensity only gamblers seem to possess…

I kept close to Karly the whole time and found myself hunching into myself as I moved around. It seemed weird to me that I would do that but it was like I was making a conscious decision to make myself seem smaller, like I would be less likely to draw attention… less likely to be vulnerable. I just kept drawing in on myself.

Karly kept drawing us into the crowds, heading to brightly lit machines that beeped and whirred. I found the machines fascinating, but all the people around them were starting to very much freak me out…

It was getting hard to breathe…

Finally, Karly looked at me really hard… “Are—ay?” She said.

It was so loud I had to lean in and shout, “What?”

She started to pull me out of the throng of people… “I said are you okay?” She yelled.

I nodded my head too rapidly… “I’m fine.”

By this time, she had gotten me into a semi quiet corner, “No you’re not… I think you’re having a panic attack.”

I shook my head fiercely at her. “No, I’m not.”

Panic attacks only happened to weak people… I was not having a panic attack.

It was just fatigue… and I couldn’t breathe… and there were too many people… and it was so loud… images of a closet flooded into my mind… I told myself that I was there while someone cried and screamed outside… they weren’t going to find me… then the door flew upon and someone dragged me out… I was crying and screaming…

The circuit breakers in my mind slammed shut. Whatever was on the other side was not something I could look at…

I again tried to rub at my face but the damn pain in my nose stopped me again…

Anger and rage boiled to the surface… I could feel the chains in my mind starting to rattle…

A woman wept while she begged for her life…

I lay in a bed in a dark room, silently weeping, wondering why they were all so cruel…

My breathing became more focused and my spine stiffened. I was getting out of here… and nobody was going to stop me. I had to go!

Suddenly Karly was there. Sweet, beautiful Karly. She filled my world with her presence…

She wrapped me in her arms and kissed me and it was like the air deflated out of me… the pain and the worry just flooded out like the air let loose from a balloon.

She broke from me and I felt it all starting to rush back in. Too much stimulation, too many things to focus on, too much threat around me. Her touch was like ants crawling under my skin… I felt pain and hunger and never-ending sadness well up from deep within me, threatening to swallow me whole. I wanted to scream, to crawl into a dark hole and just shut myself in…

Karly gave me another light kiss. It was quieter here in our little corner so she didn’t have to yell, “I want to smoke. You want to come outside with me?”

I smiled at her. She knew I needed a break, and she gave me an easy out. I ran my fingers down her face. “Call it what it is baby girl. I’m freaking out and I need to get out of here for a little bit.”

She kissed me, “You’re just not used to big crowds. They freak me out a bit too.”

I took the lead and acted as a blocker for her. Her hand was like a dagger resting on my back as we walked and I made sure to stand up straight and project my best, get the fuck out of my way, face as we walked.

We made record time getting outside.

I sat and watched Karly smoke, the fresh air and her calming presence doing wonders for my worry… I sucked as much of it into my lungs as I possible could, trying to calm my mind and soul.

She was just finishing her cigarette and looked at me…

“You know…” she bit her lip, “we could just sneak back to the hotel…”

I really wanted to do that… not for sex, but just to get away from all of the people. I couldn’t do that though… I looked at her and wanted to break out into tears…

“I really want to baby girl… but I need to start getting over this…” I shook my head, “I can’t keep being like this. Weak.”

I felt disgusted with myself.

Feeling her sorrow, I met her eyes… she was terrified for me. She walked over to me, throwing her cigarette onto the ground. She wrapped her arms around me and I had a hard time making up my mind as to whether or not it was comforting or painful… how could I feel that way? How could I betray her like that…?

I looked at her, clinging to her sanity like she was a life preserver in a frozen ocean…

I closed my eyes and forced my mind to still… find a place to center yourself… I pictured water swirling down a drain…

It was her scent. That vanilla scent that finally pulled me back together. I remembered being on the bus with her, that first night. When she crawled under my covers for the first time, that first time that I got to hold her… I had never felt the peace that I felt at that moment before…

I pushed her away and looked at her. It still hurts… the animal was still bouncing off the walls in my mind, but the volume was turned way down. “I’m better now…” I told her.

Anger flared across her face. “Please don’t lie to me. I can’t help you if you lie to me.”

Smiling weakly at her I shook my head. “You make me better. You give me an anchor.” I stood up and moved closer to her. I took a strand of her hair and held it under my nose, breathing deeply. “The smell of your hair. It reminded me of that first night, when you came to me on the bus.” I looked into her eyes to make sure she knew I was telling her the truth. “I’m not all better, but I am better.”

I kissed her and the familiar warmth of pleasure at being with her flooded into me. “Can we go back inside now?” I asked her.

Her eyes went wide and she shook her head, “No way in hell.”

I kissed her again. “I’m not going to get any better if I keep putting this off. I’m only going to get worse, and I have to stop getting better at slowly getting worse…” I pulled her close, smelling her hair, “You make me strong. I can do this with you, especially if I know it’s coming.”
Chapter 20
Karly and I went to a table in a pseudo bar in the casino, ordered a couple sodas and a few deserts and watched people together. My skin was crawling the entire time, but she sat there with me and we just shared food, and quiet conversation, and romantic stolen kisses between bites. She pushed her chair close to me and laid her head on my shoulder… I rested my face against her.

My anxiety spiked and waned. With her help, though… I made it an hour.

I chose to see it as a victory.

Finally, after an hour she pulled me up from the table, still holding my hand. “Come on. You are exhausted. We’re going back to the hotel. We’re going to be around all week. We can do more later.”

I smiled at her and the exhaustion crashed into me like waves into the ocean. I put my hands on each side of her face and kissed her, slow and steady. “I love you baby girl.”

She blew in my face! “Not as much as I love you, teddy bear!”

With that she pulled me away from the table by the hand. This time she insisted on paying the check, I figured that it was a cheap meal, so it was a good time to compromise…

Chapter 21
Karly and I ended up back at the hotel together with the rest of our crew. I ended up on the floor of my room, back against the wall, Karly sitting in front of me with my arms around her… she was telling a story, and everyone was just watching her…

I was dead dog tired… I just listened to her and enjoyed her humor and the pure unadulterated joy at simply listening to her speak, at watching her interact with people I cared about. I loved her…

She leaned back into me and I just enjoyed her… the smell of her… the feel of her… everything about her. I was the luckiest man alive.

She finished her story and leaned back into me, pressing her back to my front and pressing me back into the wall. I nuzzled into her neck and bathed in the scent of her hair.

We dozed there together until Joe finally woke us up. “Hey guys…” he shook me gently, “It’s getting pretty late and we’re going to stay up. Maybe you two should head off to her room, get some sleep?”

I could tell by the look he gave me he didn’t think we’d be sleeping…

“Coach is going to come to the room in the morning…” I protested weakly.

He clapped me on the shoulder, “I’ll come get you at 7, if he comes in earlier than that I’ll lie and tell him you ran out for a soda and text you to get your ass back here. Okay?”

I nodded blearily.

She got up with a massive yawn and pulled me up, “Come on big man… let’s go get some sleep.”

The guys started hooting and hollering…

I tried to settle them and made a graceful exit…

Karly and I got to her room quietly and slipped inside. I walked over to the bed and dropped bonelessly into it. I was nearly asleep when she woke me up, pulling on my shoes and annoying me…

I swatted at her, well really, I swatted at my own leg, but she got the message alright!

“No, no…” I whined. “No touchy.”

I heard her giggle, “Don’t worry teddy bear. You’re getting off light tonight, just let me get you out of your clothes so you can sleep.”

“You can say whatever you want… you’re not getting into my pants tonight horn dog!” I mumbled into the pillow.

She grabbed my hand and helped me upright and took my shirt off. I kissed her and she worked the button on my shorts. I rolled and pitched, helping her to get me out of them.

I lie there naked, watching as my she-wolf stood and stripped out of her clothing…

Everything about her was perfect. Her short cropped brunette hair, her inky purple bangs, her perfect face, her full breasts. Her tight stomach, her wide, rounded hips…

I held my hands out to her and opened my hands over and over, telling her I wanted to hold her. She smiled sleepily and crawled onto the bed, spooning her back into me, my arms wrapped around her… we laid there for a few minutes… my face buried in her hair, my arms wrapped around her.

She finally rolled over, spreading her legs around me, her arms wrapping around me protectively. Her mouth closed over mine and I just fell into the well of her love…

Finally, we untangled and got into the covers, while she turned the light off…

We fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Chapter 22
I woke with her lips on my neck…

I could feel her nipples on my side, hard and urgently poking into my skin…

Her kisses worked their way up my neck and into the hollow beneath my ear. It was still late, or very early, depending on how you looked at it… it was still dark in the room.

I very much wanted to sleep, but I wanted her so much more…

Pulling her onto my stomach I rejoiced in the feeling of her legs spreading over me. My hands tangled into her hair and I pulled her into a deep kiss. Her hips worked against mine urgently, her moans pressed into my mouth as she struggled to get me into her…

Finally, she found just the right angle and she managed to flip me up and she slid down on me. She wasn’t quite ready for me, and I felt the awkward tightness of her followed by the pure heaven of the inside of her sliding up and down my body…

My back arched up in pleasure at the sensations she was giving me. She nipped away from our kiss… “I’m sorry, I needed you in me…” she moaned into my ear.

My hands dropped down to her hips and I ground my hips into her with a groan… “You can wake me up like this anytime.” I whispered to her.

Her mouth found mine again and luxuriated in the feel of her. I was still sleepy, but somehow the combination of the feelings of being half awake combined with the feel of her slipping up and down me was beautiful.

Her moans filled the room as her hands scraped up and down my chest. My hands ran over her hips, not forcing her into me but simply enjoying the sensuous feel of her skin running beneath my rough hands.

“You can finish… it’s okay.” She whispered.

I shook my head and rolled my hips into her, “No. I want to wait for you…”

Her hips picked up the pace, not driving me into her but simply wiggling her hips against me, running her sensitive clit against my hips aggressively. “It’s okay… I like to feel you finish in me.”

I pulled her into me harder, “I want to wait for you. I love giving that to you…” I moaned.

She rolled her hips into me faster and faster, “I’m pretty far away… It’s okay.”

I ran my hand up her tummy and cupped her breast, giving her nipple a playful squeeze. “We’re not in a hurry. I can wait.”

Her mouth exploded against mine again, her tongue exploring and teasing mine.

I got an idea then. It was a trick I had learned while masturbating…

I tightened my abdomen, my thighs and the area around my cock. I knew it was a weird trick, but I knew it seemed like it forced more blood into me, and it made me bigger. It didn’t last long, but it caused me to suddenly swell, and then shrink. It was a trick that took a little mastery to pull off, and I had to be careful with it or it would cause me to lose my hardness…

She loved it!

Her head dropped back and she froze, just grinding herself down on me… “What was that?” she moaned.

I smiled, though in the dark she couldn’t see it. My other hand found its way up and started teasing her other nipple. Her hips ground into mine in a steady rhythm once again.

“Do you like it?” I asked her.

I felt her nod through my hands on her breasts. “Yes. Can you do it again?”

I tensed again and pinched her nipples a little harder. Her nails scraped across my chest and her moans got louder. I held it this time for as long as I could and was rewarded with her driving herself into me harder, her hips picked up the pace and I felt myself being dragged towards orgasm.

I relaxed for a second and then tightened again. I felt my orgasm drive a few steps backwards!

So, I had found something that she liked, and that postponed me falling over the edge with her, double win!

My body relaxed and I just enjoyed the feeling of her on me…

“Again.” she moaned.

I let her have what she asked for…

Her hips gyrated on me harder and harder, “Can you pinch my nipples harder?” she asked me.

I gave her both of the things she was asking for, pinching her nipples so hard that I could have sworn it would hurt her and swelling myself into her at the same time. Her moans were feral by this point and I knew that I was helping to drag her over the edge.

Her nails latched into me, dragging furrows into my skin. It should have hurt, but the pain in counterpoint to the pleasure that I felt made it somehow feel good…

She screamed, “Fuck!” and I knew that I had pressed her over the edge. She got so much tighter around me I followed her over the edge…

My hand buried into her hip, I forced her to continue to move on me, pulling the seed from my body as she ground against me.

Her stamina finally spent, she fell across my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, enjoying the sensation of my body softening while still buried within her. Our hearts pounded out in rhythm, our systems syncing from the joining of our bodies.

Sleepiness pounded back in behind my eyes. I started to doze, wrapped up in the folds of her love.

She moved and murmured into my chest, “You are so good to me…”

I kissed the top of her head, “You’re so good for me.”

She twisted a bit and I fell out of her. She whispered, “I love you.” and fell to my side, curling into her spot by my side.

Chapter 23
We woke to a knock on the door. Karly, slinked away from me, pulling my shirt on and padding over to the door. I heard the door open after a split second, whispered voices. I found myself really hoping that the shirt was covering her bottom half…

She came back, “It’s Joe.” She smiled at me and I took in her beautiful form bathed in the morning light from the window. She raised the shirt, giving me an amazing view of the front of her… “Looks like you have to go…” her eyes locked on me and I could see she was really enjoying teasing me…

My heart pounded in my chest and I found myself suddenly wanting her very badly. I shook my head at her, “You are an evil person…”

She laughed and pulled the shirt off, throwing it on the floor and diving into the bed with me. She crawled up the front of me and kissed me lightly, her tongue just barely crawling into my mouth…

“You are going to need to stop doing that…” I moaned to her.

She laughed and straddled me, her nakedness pushed against me, exciting me. She teased her hips a little, “What?” she ground against me harder, making me harder, “This?”

I arched my back, “Yes. That.”

She rolled her hips against me again, “You’re sending out mixed messages… This?”

“Yes, that.” I moaned.

“So, you want me to do that… okay.” I slipped into her suddenly and my world was bathed in white hot passion for her.

I shook my head weakly. “No. You have to stop doing that…”

She bit her lip and looked at me… “I don’t think you really want me to stop… or least he’s telling me he doesn’t want to stop.”

“He’s not the boss of me…” I moaned.

Her hips rubbed against me urgently, “No, I am.” She moaned.

I nodded, “Yes. Yes, you are the boss of me.”

Her hips picked up the pace. “Well, as your boss, I say you’re going to throw me a quickie…”

That was all I needed to hear. I rolled her over and drove myself into her urgently…

She spread her legs and traced her nails over my back, her eyes clouding in pleasure, her heels digging into my body and urging me on. “Well, now, your boss is telling you to hurry up and finish, because she wants you to give her something to tide her over…”

Her hands fell to my ass and pulled me into her faster. I couldn’t hold on. She was too much for me…

I grunted into her shoulder as I released myself into her. Wave after wave of pleasure shattered its way through my body, timing with every thrust of myself into her. Finally, it was too much to bear and I stopped, driving myself into her body one final time…

My breath came in gasps and my heart was pounding in my chest. My head lay on her chest, nestled between her amazing breasts. I could hear her heart pounding in counterpoint to my own, could feel the heat of her against my cheek, could feel the blood circulating within her body.

“Goddamn it, how do you do that to me so easily…?” I asked her.

She giggled like a schoolgirl, each laugh sending a shock of tightness through her body and into me. It was too much and I had to take myself out of her. “That’s just my magic pussy baby…” she giggled at me.

I forced myself up, even though I just wanted to drop down and fall back asleep against her again. “You are completely evil…”

She pulled her knees up to her chest and rocked back and forth. I gave her a funny look and asked her, “What are you doing?”

“It helps with conception, makes your sperm stay in me…”

I nearly choked… “What?”

She smiled and laughed at me, “I’m kidding.” She smiled wider, “Maybe I want to have your babies one day, but not now.” She still had her knees pulled up to her chest, “I just feel better when you stay in me.”

I shook my head at her, “So you are crazy…” I told her as I picked up my clothes and started pulling them on.

She smiled at me. “You know I read once that women that keep their partner’s sperm in their bodies are happier?”

“Maybe they’re happier because they’re getting laid a lot more?” I laughed. “Also, since when did you learn how to read?”

A pillow flew in and hit me in the head, “Fuck you, asshole, I read good!”

I looked at her, “Really? You read good?” I shook my head.

She pointed at me, “Attitude like that is not going to help you get in my pants again anytime soon.”

I smiled and crawled up the bed, kissing her and cupping her breast. “Anytime you want to put that bet on the table… you know, who can last longest, without sex… anytime, anywhere.”

She melted against me. “Okay, you win. You’re still staying, right?” she asked me nervously. “You’re not going home on the bus with the others, are you?”

I kissed her again. “I’m staying.”

She snuggled into me. “We’re going to have so much fun…”

I forced myself to smile… I didn’t think I was going to have fun. I thought that I was going to ensure that she had absolutely no fun at all. What could I even do? If I tried to go out and do something with her I was just going to crack apart…

She looked at me, “What’s wrong?”

I kissed her forehead and shook my head, “I just don’t want to ruin your trip.”

She kissed my lips, “There’s no way that you could ruin my trip. It’s awesome just because you’re here with me!”

I smiled a genuine smile this time, “Yeah, I’m awesome, right up until I have a panic attack…”

She kissed my cheek, “Well, if we have to… we could just stay in the room the whole time…”

I looked at her disapprovingly. “No. I need to start getting over this.”

She ran her fingers over my broken nose. “Is this going to get better because you tell it to?”

I shook my head. “No.”

She ran her hand by my temple. “Neither is a lifetime of trauma here. It’s going to take time. I talked to my mom and she saw a lot of this with my dad. It took a long time. You’ll get better as long as you keep facing it, but it isn’t something you can order, or will away. Push it too far, or too hard, and it will make the problems worse.”

I looked into her eyes and felt both weaker and stronger at the same time… “I thought after that first night we were together that I had turned a corner on it…”

She smiled ruefully at me, “Have you ever had a panic attack in a public place before?”

“No.”

“What happened the other night is like rebreaking a bone that wasn’t set properly. Yes, it’s good for you in the long run, but in the meantime, it tears down a lot of barriers that you’ve built up to protect yourself.” She sighed. Her lips brushed mine tenderly. “Now suck it up. You win either way. Either you get to go out and have fun with me, or we stay in and you get to have fun with me!”

I kissed her fiercely. When I finally broke from her I sat and looked at her beautiful face. Finally, she smiled, “What?”

I shook my head, “I was just wondering how I got so fucking lucky…”

She snuck a quick kiss, “I wonder that too!”

I smiled at her. Finally, she told me, “You need to go! Don’t forget, we have breakfast with my parents at 8:30!”

I jumped off the bed. “Gotta go! Thanks for the quickie!”

She chucked the other pillow at my head. “Fuck you!”

I walked to the door, “You already did!”

“Very funny asshole!” she yelled as I shut the door and ran down the hall.

Chapter 24
I got back to the room with minutes to spare before coach arrived. There was a certain number of catcalls that needed to be endured before people settled down. Most of the guys seemed to take it in stride, but some of them were being obnoxious about it…

I finally looked at Joe, he looked exhausted. “What did you guys end up doing last night?”

He smiled. “We just stayed up all night talking and hanging out. Ended up punching a hole in the wall while we were dicking around… we patched it up with toothpaste… looks pretty good.”

I shook my head at him and their stupidity…

“Starting to regret staying up all night now…”

“Ouch, yeah I could see how that would suck.” I laughed at him.

Coach arrived. “Okay guys, pack up, on the bus in 15. We’re rolling out.”

I walked up to him. He looked at me and smiled. “Staying and riding with Karly?”

I smiled back at him. “Yeah, she really wants me to.” He raised an eyebrow at me, “And I really want to go with her…”

He smiled again and handed me a clipboard. “You did well. Sign yourself out. Call me if anything goes wrong…”

I signed out, grabbed my bags and hit him on the shoulder as I ran out. “Thanks Coach!”

He grabbed my bag and stopped me. I looked at him carefully, “Be careful Gabby. I mean it. If anything goes wrong, call me.”

“I will, I promise.” I assured him.

I ran straight back to Karly’s room. She flung the door open after the third knock, pulled me in and pinned me against the wall with a deep kiss. Her arms wrapped around my head and she buried herself in me… I loved every second of it.

When she finally broke for air she said, “That took forever!”

I kissed her, “I was gone like 15 minutes… are you naked?”

I ran my hand down her flank and realized… yes, she was excitingly, exquisitely, elegantly, naked…

“How are you still horny?” I asked her in exasperation.

She kissed me hard, “It’s a talent.”

“I don’t think it’s a talent, it’s an obsession…” Shaking my head.

She wrapped her fingers in my shirt and pulled me close, “I didn’t say it was my talent… it’s your talent to keep me obsessed with you…”

I kissed her again, enjoying the feel of her nakedness pressed against me. She looked at me coyly. “We have time for a shower… want to join me?”

We ran to the shower together and luxuriated in the hottest water we could possibly stand. It was an orgy of shared kisses, hugs, and playful exploration. I loved the look of her anytime, but when she was wet, her hair plastered to her scalp, water running in sweet little rivers down her face… she was better than perfect.

My hands explored every inch of her as I washed her skin…

She seemed to be just as fascinated with every inch of me as she washed me.

She was so perfect… a thing built to be worshipped, my own private goddess, put here on this earth just for me…

Chapter 25
We sat, holding hands waiting in the lobby next to the buffet at the hotel for her parents. She had put on a nice little yellow sundress, and I had put my cargo shorts, and t-shirt back on…

I looked at her, “So have you decided on what you want to do where you want to go to school?” I asked her.

She pushed her bangs back behind her ears…

“I don’t really know. To be honest, I don’t even know that I want to go to school. I mean my mom; she didn’t go to school. She just stayed home and took care of us kids…” I snuck a little kiss off of her as she paused to collect her thoughts. “Maybe I just want to stay home and have you put babies in me…”

I kissed her again. Then looked at her with disappointment. “Isn’t it kind of early for you and I to be talking about making babies together…?”

She looked hurt. Then she nodded solemnly. “I know…” she leaned on me and rested her head on my shoulder. “I don’t know what it is… my mind won’t stop though. I mean, I know, logically, it’s only been a few days, but I feel like we’ve been together forever… and I love you so much… I mean I loved you before, I mean even before we, you know, started making love. But now. Now all I can think of is you. How much I want you…”

She looked at the ground. She shook her head, “I know it sounds stupid… how could I love you when we weren’t even together…?” She bit her lip and looked haunted. “I loved you so much… now, now it hurts to even think about it.”

I felt a pang of guilt at that… how had I not seen her? Not realized how much she was, how perfect, how much she wanted to be with me…?

I had wanted her, even felt that pang of amazing sensation when we were together, something that wasn’t love, but that was the first stirrings of the delicious feeling that she gave to me. But never in my wildest dreams had I thought that she had loved me… I had never realized how much that one night of us being together would push me over the edge straight into the deepest, most powerful thing I had ever felt.

She sighed, “Now. Now that we’re together, I can’t think of anything besides having you inside of me. When you cum inside me I feel like I want it to quicken so badly… I’m horny all the time. I want a baby, and I want you to the be the one that gives it to me.”

Wow!

That was a little bit scary…

But would I really mind it?

Stop!

I loved her, yes. But I also realized we were very young, and still very new to our love. Making a baby together was a very big responsibility. Okay, that wasn’t a little bit scary, it was very fucking scary…

I took a deep breath and tried to calm my thinking. I needed to realize this most likely wasn’t her, this was her hormones going crazy… I had to realize how powerful my own were, how they were screaming at me every single second to pull her clothes off and breed with her every single second…

It was just a little different for her. I tried to give her an out. “That’s just hormones baby girl. They tell you that you need to breed. You need to procreate. That ties into your feelings for me, so I become the fixation of your biological need.”

She closed her eyes. I could tell she was holding something back. Something that she desperately didn’t want to tell me.

Fuck. She stopped taking her birth control! I thought to myself…

I was surprised. If that were true… I should be pissed at her. I should be worried. I wasn’t. The thought of having a baby with her didn’t really seem that bad. I looked inside myself and found that I wanted it. It was shocking. I thought of how special the combination of her and me would be. How strong. How smart. How beautiful. Perfectly special.

“It’s not just hormones” she continued. She kissed my neck, and then took a deep breath. “I’m going to tell you something. I want you to promise me you won’t be mad at me. I know it’s stupid. It’s how I feel though.”

I felt like I should be panicking right now. I wasn’t though. I mean I was a little freaked out by how much responsibility I was going to need to face… I could do it though. With her by my side I could do anything.

I smiled weakly at her, “You can tell me anything.” I shook my head at her. “I won’t be mad.”

She bit her lip. I could tell it was going to be hard for her to tell me. “Part of it is my hormones. My love for you…” She nodded her head, “But mostly. I know if I have a baby with you, you have to stay. I know you. I know maybe you could leave me, but there would be no way that you could leave your child. No way you walk away from the mother of your child.”

She shook her head… her sadness was palatable. “I can’t lose you…” she whispered.

I put my arm around her and leaned my head on her. “I love you so much baby girl. You don’t need a baby to keep my around. You just need to keep being you.” I kissed her cheek. “And I’m not mad about that.” She turned and kissed me lightly. “I have my issues and you have yours. I need to earn your trust. You still have it in that pretty, if slightly stupid head of yours, that I’m going to leave you. You need to realize that you mean every bit as much to me as a baby would.” I kissed her head.

She sighed. “I thought you’d be mad at me. I know I shouldn’t think like that, but I can’t help it. I wake up in the middle of the night and I know I just dreamed that you left me…” she shook her head ruefully, “It’s so hard on the nights you’re not with me. At least when you’re with me, I can roll over and you are right there. When you’re not, I have to sit and think for the rest of the night, worried that in the morning you’ll tell me you finally realized how basic I was and that you’re kicking me to the curb.”

I kissed her head, “If that happens, you call me, and I’ll remind you of how stupid you are!”

She leaned into me and shoved me, a naked smile on her face. “I’m glad you aren’t mad at me.”

I took a deep breath. She wasn’t going to like what I had to ask her. “Have you stopped taking your birth control?”

She looked at me and was completely pissed. “No! How could you think I’d do that to you?”

I looked at the floor, ashamed I’d even thought that of her. I shook my head, sorry that I’d asked. “I thought that was what you were going to tell me.”

Anger, and then amazement crossed her face. “You thought I had done that… and you weren’t mad at me?”

I made a face and shook my head, “Nope.”

She hit me in the chest, hard. “Don’t you ever do something that stupid again! And don’t you dare let me do something that stupid!”

I laughed at her.

She sat and seethed. Then she wrapped her hand in my t-shirt and pulled me in for an amazing kiss. “You are so wonderful.” She shook her head. “Amazingly stupid, but wonderful.” She wrapped her head in her hands…

“You really weren’t mad at me, even when you thought I was trying to trap you?” she finally asked me.

I shook my head. “Nope. I love you and I’ll give you anything you want. If you want a baby, I’ll give it to you.”

She hit me again. Harder this time. “Don’t you ever do that! Goddamn it! Now I want you to give me a baby! But I can’t have a baby! We can’t have a baby!” She hit me again. Then something feral crawled over her eyes, and I suddenly got the feeling she must have gotten when I looked at her… “I want you to fuck me right now… will you?”

Oh god! I wanted to so badly! I instead settled with telling her, “See, those are your hormones…”

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, closing her eyes… “I want you so badly right now… but don’t you ever give me a baby. Not until you want to give me one.” She wrapped her hand in mine and leaned her head onto my shoulder. “You are an amazing, wonderful, beautifully stupid man Gabby.” She kissed me tenderly. “And I am going to suck your brains out through your cock tonight…”

I leaned into her and put my head back on hers… “Promises… promises.”

Her parents arrived then, Joshua looked me up and down, his eyes finally settling on my face. “Nice broken nose!” he announced.

I smiled at him. “Yep. That wasn’t fun…”

He clapped me on the shoulder, “What were you two lovebirds talking about?”

I looked at her, deciding to give him the abbreviated version. “Well, I’m trying to get your stupid daughter to decide on where she’s going to go to college… she’s apparently decided to be a giant pain in the ass…”

Karly rolled her eyes at me. “He’s giving me a hard time!”

Joshua gave me a look of sympathy. “Gabby, if you can get her to decide on something… we’d all be amazed!”

She bumped me again, “I’ve decided I just want to stay at home and raise babies!”

Oh, my god! I thought…

Joshua gave me a pained smile. “Young man, I hope you understand… you have my daughter staying home raising your babies and I’ll kill you!”

I laughed. “No way in hell I’m letting her skip college, sir!”

He laughed and clapped me on the shoulder again, “Sounds like a plan!”

We got in line and the Kay’s insisted on paying for me, reminding me that I was there as their guest and that they were going to be picking up the tab while I was with them. I reminded myself that I needed to come up with some way to do something nice for them to pay them back.

We sat down to breakfast together. Joshua took his wife’s hand. He smiled at Karly and I. “Well you two… we have a surprise for you. I know we had planned on staying here for a couple of days, but Marsha and I were talking, and we thought it might be nice if we all went to Vegas for the rest of the week, all the way through the New Year’s holiday?”

Karly shrieked. “That’s awesome!” she looked at me… “Please, can we baby?”

I smiled at her. “If that’s what you want!”

She shrieked again and kissed me, and I forgot everything about my world but her…

The rest of the meal I stayed pretty quiet. I got a ton of food and ate it, enjoying pancakes, an omelet, a ton of fruit, bacon and toast. Mostly I watched Karly interact with her family. Towards the end of the meal Marsha looked at me, “Gabby, you know you don’t have to just sit there and be quiet, right?”

I smiled at her, nodding. “I know. I just thought it might be better to be quiet, just listen and learn.”

Marsha smiled at me. “Nobody is here to judge you Gabby.”

I frowned at her, “Don’t we all judge each other, pretty much all the time?”

She smiled at me, “I guess that’s true.”

I shrugged, “I’m pretty new to you all. Figured it would be smartest to stay quiet and learn about all of you before I open my mouth and make an ass out of myself.”

Marsha smiled at me, showing her white teeth. “I’m pretty sure you aren’t going to make an ass of yourself Gabby.”

I shrugged again, “I can’t afford to cause problems.”

She raised one perfectly groomed eyebrow at me, “What we think of you matters so much?”

I frowned and thought about it. I made a face, “I don’t want to be rude…”

She smiled, “Feel free. I’d like to know what you’re thinking…”

I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, “I really don’t care what either you, or Joshua think of me. The only opinion that really matters to me is Karly’s. Problem is, she loves you both dearly. If there are problems between you and I, she’s going to get dragged into it. I don’t want that to ever happen.”

Marsha smiled at me again. “For what it’s worth, I think Karly made a very good choice with you.”

“Thank you ma-“ I almost said Ma’am… “Marsha.”

Marsha covered her mouth and laughed.

Joshua looked at me appraisingly. “You must be on top of the world… that was a big win yesterday.”

I shrugged and looked at my plate. Marsha’s voice surprised me, “What’s wrong Gabby?”

I looked at her and realized I had been staring at my plate. “I just had kind of a bad day yesterday… I’m a little off because of it.”

Joshua tilted his head at me. “You win one of the biggest tournaments on the west coast, and you think you had a bad day?”

I shrugged, “I guess I should maybe look on the bright side… my night I guess is what I was referring to. I had some trouble at the casino.”

Joshua seemed immediately defensive. “What kind of trouble?”

I looked at him and realized I had worried him. I needed to be more careful of what I said around him…

“Oh, not that kind of trouble. I’m having some trouble with crowds… Karly and I went to the casino, and we were just trying to have fun… but there were so many people, and it was so loud, and people kept bumping into me… I sort of panicked.”

Joshua’s eyes filled with sorrow. “Son… I don’t know how to say this, but… you know Karly has shared some of your history with us, right?”

I looked at him and gave a pained smile, swallowing the lump in my throat. I knew Karly had, and a big part of me wished she hadn’t… “Yes sir.”

He narrowed one eye at me, appraising me. “Does that bother you?”

I shrugged, “I don’t think anyone would be happy to have their dirty laundry aired out like that… but I also know that whatever Karly shared with you was her trying to help me…” I took her hand, “and I trust her judgment. I know this isn’t easy for her either, and it looks like I could really use the help.”

He nodded, “A smart view.”

I shrugged again, finding myself curling in on myself, “Besides, I know I act oddly sometimes, and I need to depend on your kindness and understanding. I can’t expect that without expecting you to know what’s going on.”

He smiled at me, “We’ll do our best to be understanding.”

I returned his smile and tried to sit up a bit straighter. “Thank you.”

He tilted his head at me, “You know, I’m not such a big fan of crowds myself.”

I shrugged, “It’s something I have to get over.”

He laughed and shook his head, “Don’t beat yourself up over it, it’s never going to completely go away.”

I looked at him and felt a deep sadness at that. I never wanted Karly to miss a single thing she enjoyed, and I certainly didn’t want her to miss out because I was a freak and couldn’t control my own reactions… “I hope that’s not the case… last night I ruined our night because I was weak…”

Karly put her hand on my shoulder, “Baby, you didn’t ruin anything. I had fun.”

I smiled at her, thankful for her kindness, “Thank you, but you don’t have to lie to spare my feelings. I know I lost it, and I don’t want to be that person.”

Marsha put her hand on Joshua’s. “Sweetie, I’m sure you didn’t ruin anything. Joshua experiences the same things you do, and there are times he needs a break from all the excitement. It never bothers me, because I love him, I’m sure the same is true for Karly.”

I smiled at her, thankful for her kindness. “It doesn’t matter, I’ll get better.”

Joshua looked at me, really appraised me, “You won’t. I know. I’ve been there. Too many people, too many sounds, it feels like there are threats all around you.”

I looked at him and started to realize he might know what he was talking about. “Doesn’t mean I can’t try.”

His eyes narrowed a bit, “When I came out on the porch on Christmas, did you think I just came out to give you a hard time?”

I laughed, a small chuckle as I remembered our little tense conversation. “Yeah, I did.”

He covered a smirk. “I didn’t. I mean I did want to talk to you, but I also needed the same breather you did… it most likely won’t change… all you can do is learn to cope with it.”

I looked at him, “And how do you do that?”

“Mostly, you distract yourself. Do you get overwhelmed like that when you’re at a football game, or a big wrestling match, a big track meet?” He asked.

I thought about it for a second, “No.”

He raised his eyebrows at me, “See. That’s because you’re not focused on the crowd of people, you’re focused on the task at hand. That’s what you need to do. Find an anchor. Focus on that.”

I frowned, considering that. Karly nudged me. “I’ll help with that!”

I smiled at her. “Thank you all. I know you’re all trying to help, and I do appreciate it.”

Joshua smiled, nodding.

Chapter 26
An hour later we were all in Karly’s mother’s Escalade, heading south. Karly was sitting in the middle seat, pressed up against me. She felt nice, but I still wasn’t feeling like myself. I wasn’t doing a lot of talking, I just kind of sat there, looking out the window…

She leaned in and whispered in my ear, “Are you mad at me?”

I looked at her perplexed…

Finally, I turned and pointed out the window. She turned her face and I swept in and kissed her on the cheek. I shook my head at her, telling her no.

“Are you sure?” she whispered.

I pointed out the window again. This time she knew what I was doing and turned her cheek for me. I kissed her again, again, shaking my head no.

I leaned in and whispered in her ear, “Why do you think I’m mad at you?”

She shrugged, then then got her phone out. I could tell she wanted to take this conversation perfectly private. I took my phone out and turned it on silent so her parents didn’t need to listen to the buzzer going off. She tapped on her phone and I got her text, “Maybe because I talked to my parents about your past, or the baby thing?”

I pointed out the window again, she looked and I kissed her and shook my head no.

“You sure?” She asked.

I texted her back, “I’m sure. I’m not mad at you at all…”

Joshua surprised me, “You two want to involve everyone in the conversation?”

I looked up, shocked. Marsha saved us, “Oh, hush dear. They are going to need privacy sometimes.”

He looked at her quickly and then turned his eyes back to the road… “Really?”

She folded her arms and I got a quick view of how formidable a foe she could be, “Yes, they do. What if they’re talking about sex? Do you really want to be involved in that conversation?”

Joshua looked at me in the mirror. I met his eyes and said, “We are not talking about sex… I just wanted to get that on the record.”

Karly was laughing her ass off, covering her mouth with her hand. Finally, Joshua laughed and raised his hands, “Text on! I don’t want to be involved with every conversation!”

Karly texted me, “Do you want to start using another birth control method?”

I gave her a concerned look, “No. Why?”

She bit her lip. “You thought maybe I stopped taking mine. I want you to be able to trust me. Maybe you need a type that you can see and know we’re using…”

I felt horrible, “I trust you. I feel bad for having thought that about you. Even if you had, I understand. I’m not mad one way or the other.” I assured her.

“I’m sorry I worried you.” She texted.

I kissed her cheek again, “Not your fault what I assumed.”

“Still, if I wasn’t so crazy about baby thinking all the time you wouldn’t have worried.” She assured me. “I’m sorry I’m being crazy…”

I chuckled, “You’re being crazy? I’m the one having panic attacks in public…”

A look of pure sorrow came across her face and she leaned in and hugged me. “You’re not crazy…”

I smiled at her. “I am crazy about you!”

She smiled and kissed my cheek this time, “Tell you what, you deal with my crazy and I’ll deal with yours!”

I kissed her nose and said aloud. “Sounds like a plan!”

She snuggled into me and I laid my head on hers, closing my eyes and breathing in the beautiful scent of my own private angel. I heard a shutter click and opened my eyes to see Marsha taking a picture of the two of us together…

She smiled at the two of us, “You two are so cute together…”

I smiled back at her, silently thanking her for taking the picture. I had been so wrapped up in my love for her and the enjoyment of the moments that we had shared I had totally forgotten to document so many moments together, moments that I never wanted to forget…

Karly snuggled in deeply and we settled into a beautifully comfortable silence with each other.

After about an hour, I started to get bored and pulled out the gunsmithing book that Joshua had given me. I opened it and continued to read about how the barrel was fitted to the rifle. I reached the end of the page and started to turn it, when Karly put her hand down on the book, preventing me from turning the page.

I looked at her questioningly, wondering why she stopped me. She looked at me and her burning green eyes cut into me, “You read faster than me, I haven’t finished that page yet.”

I smiled at her, “You really want to learn about gunsmithing?”, raising my eyebrows in wonder.

She leaned in and pecked a small kiss on my lips, “If it interests you, then it has to be something good!”

Joshua startled me by speaking, “Yeah, not like I’ve been trying to teach you for fifteen years or so now…”

She stuck her tongue out to him in the mirror, “Well now someone that I respect cares!”

He shook his head at her… “Kids these days… so disrespectful to their elders… I blame the mother…”

Marsha looked up from the book she was reading… I was pleasantly surprised to see it was the copy of Gardens of the Moon she had borrowed from me… “Well, if it wasn’t for the absentee father, maybe they would know how to act!”

Joshua smiled at her. I could tell, he was many things, but an absentee father was most likely not one of them…

Marsha and Joshua started arguing good naturedly and Karly and I returned to reading…

We sat like that for another 90 minutes or so… reading and cuddling. Karly set the pace and turned the pages for us. I punished her for her slow reading by leaning into her head and kissing the back of her neck while I was waiting for her to finish. She usually giggled and slapped at me while I did it. Overall it was a joy to read with her, to know that she was making an effort to learn about something that interested me. It was a small thing, but it told me she cared about me in a way that her words never could.

After the 90 minutes we stopped for snacks, gas and a bathroom break.

Getting back in the car, I curled up with Karly in the back seat again. She leaned against my chest and quietly asked me, “What is your best childhood memory?”

I leaned my face against her… thinking.

I wanted to say I had no good childhood memories, but that wasn’t true… I had them. They were just interspaced with horrendous memories. You would think that would make the sweeter ones all that much sweeter, but they didn’t. It was almost like it made them more difficult.

I took a deep breath and made an effort for her. The scent of her shampoo was so relaxing I was able to push past all the memories of pain…

Starting slowly, I told her, “It’s hard to mutter through everything. I think I hold a lot of stuff back, hide a lot behind barriers and those barriers hide the good and the bad.”

“When I was about six, my dad bought me a 10-22 rifle. I remember it had a sling that had my name on it. He took me out and taught me how to shoot it. I remember how much I loved it. I was naturally talented, and I can remember how proud he was of me. He took me really often after that. As I got older, it happened less and less. I think he really did love me, it was just that he got so focused on training me to be something special that he lost sight of really ensuring that he, or I, enjoyed life at all…”

It was hard to talk about, so I buried my nose in her hair. I could see Joshua’s eyes bouncing back and forth between the road and watching me in the mirror. I really didn’t like what I saw in his eyes… pity… but I understood.

I closed my eyes and breathed in Karly’s vanilla scent, my breath hot against her scalp.

“Then there was a time that my mom took me camping. There was a giant lake, or at least it was giant in my memory. I was maybe ten or twelve. I got a life preserver on, and I swam all over the lake…”

Karly interrupted me, “So you like to swim?”

I laughed… “Not really. In fact, I get nervous anytime I’m in water that’s higher than my head…”

Joshua looked at me in the mirror. “So, you can’t swim?”

I shook my head and laughed. “No. I can swim. It’s just that one of my earliest memories is looking up from the bottom of a pool as I nearly drowned. I learned how to swim when I was about 4 or so. Took classes at the Y. I’m actually a pretty strong swimmer, I just don’t like the activity…”

Karly snuggled up to me, “That’s okay, I still love you!”

I continued the story, “So anyway, one day I swam all the way across the lake. There was this little island on the other side, with this little inlet behind the island. It was deep, but very narrow, and I went back through it, just exploring.” I shook my head as I started to fall into the memory, “Anyway, I found this turtle back there. He had found a fisherman’s line that was wrapped around a log that had fallen over the inlet. It must have still had some bait on it. He got stuck on the hook. I was there for an hour or so, trying to get him loose. The hook was wedged in really deeply, and I was just kind of floating there with only the life vest keeping me floating. It was too deep for me to reach and I had to work out how to get him loose without hurting him. Eventually I got him loose, and I watched him swim away…”

Karly pecked me on the cheek, “My hero!”

I gave her a funny look and rolled my eyes at her.

“It wasn’t that I had saved the turtle that makes it a good memory. It was the fact that I felt free. The fact that I could use that freedom to help something that needed help…”

I looked into the mirror and saw Joshua’s eyes appraising me again. I didn’t know what he thought… personally I remembered all of the times that I had tried and failed. All the other times that I had tried to help and ended up making things worse. Time that I had tried to help and had failed. Times that I had tried to be a good person and simply had come up short.

I breathed in the pure scent of Karly and decided that none of that mattered…

My eyes drifted closed and I finally drifted off to sleep against Karly’s head…

Chapter 27
We woke when we arrived at the hotel. I raised my head and looked at Joshua in the mirror, shaking my head to clear the sleep from my mind. Blinking wearily, I looked at him, “Sorry about that. I must have been more tired than I thought…”

Marsha turned back in her seat, “It’s okay, Karly bonked out too. You’ve both had a busy couple of days!”

I yawned and tried to stretch, Karly fussed next to me. She always woke grumpy. She was like a little badger when she woke…

Keep down the racket!” She called. “Trying to get my beauty sleep here…” she added in a mumble.

I leaned over her and shook her, “Wakey, wakey, you’re already beautiful… you don’t need to get any more sleep…”

She flailed at me, “Shut it! Still sleeping!”

I cuddled her, wrapping my arms around her and nibbling on her neck. “No more sleep for you! Get up and join the world.

She sat up and squinted her eyes at me… “You’re on my list now… I will remember this day…”

I smiled at her, then looked at her mom, “Should I be concerned?”

Marsha shook her head at me, “I’ve been on her list for years… nothing ever seems to happen. I wouldn’t be too concerned about it.”

Karly tucked her head back into my chest. “I’m playing the long game… I haven’t forgotten how many times you’ve woken me up… I just choose to exact my revenge on you when I put you in a substandard nursing home… you know. One of those ones they showcase on Dateline…”

Ouch…

Marsha just laughed…

Karly and I hung back while Marsha and Joshua got us checked into the hotel. Karly had woken up and was her usual cute self. I simply sat by and watched everything pass me by. I stood a little too close to Karly, taking comfort from her as she watched the hustle and bustle of the casino around us. I focused mostly on her scent, taking comfort from that.

Karly pushed herself against me and leaned in and nibble on my neck… “You know… I was talking to my mom… they’re getting a nicer room than ours… theirs is on a whole different floor…”

I pulled back from her, giving her a ‘what the fuck’ look. I finally settled for raising an eyebrow at her. “Why do I feel like I should be worried this is a trap?”

She nuzzled me, rubbing her nose on my chin, “It isn’t. She wants us to have privacy… I think they’re both trying to avoid making things awkward…”

I kissed her forehead. “Still feels like they’re going out of their way to ensure I have way too much private time with their daughter.”

She kissed my lips, “I think they know I’m head over heels for you…”

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her in close. “I’m head over heels for you too baby girl…”

Marsha came up and cleared her throat. Karly bounced over to her and collected two room keys.
Marsha smiled at me. Apparently, she was happy just to see her daughter happy… I was really starting to like both Marsha and Joshua. They were good people.

“How about you two get settled in, and we’ll all meet for a late dinner, say about 7:30?”

I glanced at my phone and saw that gave us about 90 minutes… not bad. Looking at Karly she bounced with excitement… “That sounds great!” she bubbled.

We got up to the room and I opened the door with the little security card I had. I threw my bag into the room and swung Karly’s bag in…

She looked at me questioningly, “What are we doing?”

I smiled at her… “I figured you hadn’t had a cigarette all day… figured maybe we’d like to sneak off and find a place for you to have one…”

She smiled and kissed me, “You take such good care of me…”

We ended up in a stairwell. Me seated on a step and her with her cigarette. I smiled at her…

“What?” she asked me.

I looked at her with naked love in my eyes… “You know I’m going to make you quit that one day, right?”

She bit her lip, “I thought you think it’s sexy?”

I looked into her eyes, “I do. But I think having you all to myself forever is sexier…”

She licked her lips and moved closer to me… “I’ll tell you what. When you agree to put a baby in me… I’ll quit.”

I stood and kissed her passionately, “That’s a deal I can live with…”

She melted against me, dropping her cigarette and stepping on it. “Can we go back to the room and practice?”

My hands found their way up and into her hair, pulling her face into mine, my nose screamed a little in pain as I kissed her, but I enjoyed the taste and feeling of her too much to care…

“I would love to little one.”

We rushed back to the room together, hand in hand. She fumbled with the keycard while I pressed myself to her back, kissing her neck and rubbing my hands up and down the front of her…

The little light on the door turned red for the third time before she finally hissed at me… “Would you fucking stop that… I can’t focus on the door!”

My mouth moved up and I whispered into her ear sultrily, “Maybe I don’t want you to open the door, maybe I want to take you right here in the hallway…”

She pushed her ass into me, grinding herself into me while she growled in frustration. Considering she was wearing a sun dress and her bottom was pretty free of fabric to get in my way it made for an… interesting sensation…

Finally, she got the door to open and she frantically shoved the door open.

I stayed behind her, wrapping my arms around her tight and walking her into the room. My mouth explored her neck, and her ears, her shoulders. Kissing, and licking, and dropping little love bites on all that exposed flesh. She lifted her arm and wrapped it around my head…

Her breaths came in ragged moans…

My left hand came up and rubbed her breast through the fabric of her dress and she moaned and pressed her ass into me harder…

She was panting with lust for me.

Her voice a husky whisper… “Will you take me from behind?”

I would have taken her anyway she wanted me to in that moment…

“Of course, baby girl…” I growled into her ear.

My hands found their way under her dress and shoved her panties down, letting them drop to the floor as she stepped out of them. I pushed her forward and she climbed on the bed on all fours…

I frantically undid my belt, and pulled my pants down while she looked over her shoulder at me… “Please hurry… I need you now…” she panted. I could see my need reflected in her eyes…

I mounted her from behind, feeling the rush of her body as I pressed myself into her… I wanted to go slow, but she felt so good…

Grabbing her body, just above her hips, my hands were large enough, and she was small enough I could feel the junction between her hips and her ribs… the muscles there surged beneath my hands as I drove myself into her from behind. I grunted like an animal and she moaned in ecstasy as I took her…

The feeling was exquisite… but something was wrong. I could feel something in my mind starting to shift… something filled my mind like the sound of broken glass…

I felt like I was taking her… like I was stealing from her, not sharing a moment with her…

My left arm wrapped itself around her body and I pulled her hands from the bed, forcing her up so I could press my body against hers as I made love to her…

I held her body against me as I moved into and out of her. The angle was awkward, but felt so good with her body pressed against me.

Her hand moved up, tangling in her hair, lifting it for me, “Kiss my neck for me?” she begged.

My eyes closed and my lips found her neck, kissing her and nibbling on her ear. She moaned louder and ground her hips into me harder…

My panic increased as her passion swelled. I tried to focus on the scent of her hair but I kept losing my focus as the pleasure she gave to me where we were joined increased and swelled…

Suddenly on the verge of panic I begged her, “Can I roll you over? I need to see you…”

She nodded and while she pressed against me for a few more strokes she turned and spread her legs for me…

I fell on her and pushed myself back into her… every part of me was on fire with desire for her… every part except my mind. Panic was swelling there… I was losing control!

I buried myself in her while I buried my face into the hollow of her neck… I needed to get in control…

My mind flooded with images of being alone… being so alone… being alone and so scared…

A memory of walking home… of looking up from the ground… and seeing my dad’s truck in the driveway… of the terror of seeing that he was home. Faced with the choice of yet again being alone or being faced with the terror of being with him I would choose alone…

I came back to myself enough to realize that I was still joined to her intimately… the feeling made me sick. To contaminate our love with what I was feeling was… wrong. A violation of everything we were…

My breaths came in ragged gasps… she thought it was my desire for her… but in truth, it was me trying to keep from screaming in panic.

I could take it no longer. I rolled from her and faced the wall… hastily pulling my pants up and trying not to sob… I curled nearly instantly into the fetal position…

She was taken completely by surprise… “What’s wrong…?”

I heard her ask me, but my brain was gone. It had decided to check out… to take a small vacation into the darkness of my soul…

I felt her hands on me… “What’s wrong…? What did I do…?” the only thing that kept my heart from breaking… she loved me. I realized on some level that she should be offended. That she should be hurt… instead, she was all over me… worried only about what was going on in my mind…

I started rocking… somehow the movement made the pain in my mind recess… “Not you, baby girl… not you I swear…”

Tears smashed out of my eyes and I started to sob, feeling years of pain that had been repressed and pushed down surge up and into me… “I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry…” I sobbed at her. Begging her to forgive me, feeling like dirt for having betrayed her in such an intimate way…

Her body pressed to my back, her arms wrapped around me protectively. “It’s okay. It’s okay… I’m here baby. I love you.”

I pressed my hands to my face… trying so hard to not let her see me like this… my body curled in on itself as I tried to hide from the pain…

Please god… please god let me die… I can’t take it… I can’t… I’m not strong enough… it’s tearing me apart!

Her voice was in my ear… “You can’t die… I need you…”

OhfuckOhfuckOhfuck! NoNoNoNoNo! I can’t let her hear this!

My feet kicked against each other as tried to force the pain back down… I tried to put it back into the box I had made for it. It swallowed me. I was pulled into the darkest, deepest depths of my mind… the spot where all the horror lies. The part that held the monsters…

A woman begged for her life…

A dog whined in the dark and cold… begging for its master…

A child cried, wondering why the world was so cruel…

I tried to breach the surface… to gain just one breath of fresh air and found myself pulled back into the depths…

It was her. She pulled me out…

She was wrapped completely around me… “Come back to me… I’m here… come back to me. Smell me… just smell me… you can do it…”

My lungs finally filled with air…

The pain receded… god. The pain. How is it so big…? How much of it is in me…?

She lifted me and placed me in her lap… “Baby, I’ve got you. You’re here with me… you’re safe… I’ve got you…”

I wrapped my arms around her and sobbed harder… “No. no. Don’t love me… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry… I can’t. I can’t be strong enough… I’ll ruin you… I’ll make you hate me. You’ll look at me and you’ll feel sick… like everyone else…”

My legs kicked involuntarily… “I can’t lose you… you’ve lifted me too high…” I clung to her like a panicking child… “Losing you will destroy me… You’ll leave and I’ll be alone… forever alone in the darkness…”

I shoved my left index finger into my mouth and bit the knuckle hard… the physical pain driving back the emotional pain…

She grabbed my wrist. “Stop that!” she screamed. “Oh, god… please baby stop. I’m here. I’m right here…”

I could feel her tears falling on my head. “Please baby… don’t hurt yourself. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere… I have you…”

I tried to make my jaws unlock… I really did…

Her kisses started falling on my face… “You’re mine. I’m yours…” She whispered. “We have each other. I have you and you have me and I’m never leaving. Please stop!” she finally screamed.

Her wail was like the cry of the banshee… the pain, the horror of what I was doing to myself. Her panic. Those things all brought me back to myself. They gave me strength. My walls snapped back up, pushing the pain back down into the well of my mind.

“Please stop…” she sobbed…

I crawled up her body and wrapped myself around her. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m here… I’m right here baby girl. I’m back…” I cooed as I rocked her body… “I’ve got you…”

Her face crumpled… the pain in it was so complete… so heartbreaking… so devastating… how had I done this to her?

Her hands snapped to the sides of my head… “Is that you? Did you come back to me?”

I nodded my head, bobbing it like an idiot, “It’s me baby girl… I’m so sorry…”

She kissed me fiercely… finally breaking it and grabbing me with all of her strength…

“I was so scared. I thought you were gone…” She sobbed. “I’ve never been so scared… How do you do it? How do you live with that? I watched you die… I watched the pain kill you…”

I clung to her like a lifeboat… “You make me strong…” I whispered. “You make me want to be better, to turn away from that darkness, to make me want to come out of the cave and see the light again…”

I continued, “I love you… I love you so much. I’m sorry I hurt you…”

She clung to me as tightly as I clung to her. “I love you so much… I thought you were gone…”

“I’m sorry. I’m back. I’m right here…”

Chapter 28

We lay in the bed… tangled in each other’s arms. We were quiet. We clung to each other. Neither of us could stand to be apart. Both of us thought we’d lose each other if we let go.

She sighed… “I need to call my mom and tell her we aren’t going to me down…”

I sat up and looked at her. My left hand found the side of her face… “Don’t do that…”

Her face started to crumple again… she shook her head at me. “Please stop doing that…”

My eyes were intense… “Doing what?”

She put her hands on my face. “Lying to me about how okay you are… stop worrying about me.”

I smiled at her fiercely and shook my head. It was weird. I felt strong. Stronger than I had ever felt. “I’m not lying to you.” I kissed her and felt the love she had for me flow into me. It was such a beautiful feeling that it nearly broke my heart. I had found my center. I had found something more important to me than any pain I had ever felt. It was her. She gave me a strength that made me invincible.

My tongue tangled with hers and I pulled her into me harder than I had ever pulled her into me before.

I felt a need pour up from within me, stronger than even my pain…

I broke from our kiss and moved to her shoulder, biting her hard there. Her hand snapped to my head and pressed me hard against her, her head snapped back in bliss…

My left hand grabbed her right leg, and I pulled her roughly to her back. She started to open her mouth and I covered it roughly with my own, kissing her harder than I had ever dared kiss her before…

Her. She was my world now. She was my alpha. She was my omega. The sun rose and set when she wished it.

I was dimly aware of undoing my shorts. Dimly aware of pushing them down…

I was definitely aware of when I entered her…

Clinging to her desperately… I pushed into her once…

Twice…

My body released on the third stroke…

She clung to me…

I clung to her…

We were one.

Chapter 29
She lay beneath me… panting. “That was the best time…” She squeezed her legs around me. “Never. Never has it been that good. Oh, my god… I felt it… holy fuck! I felt what you feel. Something so far beyond anything I’ve ever felt before… You’re right… you love me more than I love you…”

I tried to pull away from her…

She refused to let me. Her legs wrapped around me, her arms dug into my back…

She bit me on the shoulder, like I had bitten her…

It hurt, but if felt so fucking good too!

Involuntarily I growled and drove myself into her…

Her head shot back and she screamed in ecstasy, her nails raked down my ass…

I moved my mouth next to her ear and growled… “See, I’m better. You made me strong…”

She started panting, wiggling her hips against me… I had seen her like this one other time… she had completely lost control. I needed to bring her back…

“Baby girl… you have to come back to me… we have to go meet your parents. I promise. As soon as we get back… you can have me again.”

She growled, “I want to have you again. Right now. I want to feel that again.”

I wanted her too…

I bit her neck. I was getting hard again, so I drove myself into her.

Her hands went up into my shirt and she raked her nails down my back. “Please. Make love to me again…”

I drove into her with all my strength and she arched her back into me. I was surprised she was strong enough to lift us both off the bed. Her legs clamped down on me hard, pulling me into her.

I was fully hard now and started to drive myself into her over and over. Her hips moved in time with me… “Is that what you want?” I asked her.

Her nails answered me, raking down my back as she pulled me into her, “Yes! Like that!”

My hand wrapped in the sheets as I pulled myself into her with all of my might. Our hips ground into each other with each thrust. I bit her shoulder again, not being gentle…

She bit me back. Her hand grabbed the back of my neck, forcing me to meet her eyes. “Will you take me from behind?” she asked me.

I nodded eagerly…

She pushed me off roughly and rolled over, putting her ass in the air.

I took myself in my hand and lined up with her, pushing myself into her. Once again, I pulled her hips into me, thrusting myself into her as hard as I could. She turned and put her shoulder into the bed, reaching back between her legs as she split her fingers and put pressure on herself in either side of me. It made her so much tighter I fell into heaven…

She was screaming at the top of her lungs, “Yes, oh yes, please, harder!”

I picked up the pace considering I was already hitting her with all the strength I had. She went suddenly rigid beneath me and the animal in my mind howled in victory as I knew I had pushed her over the edge into orgasm!

I knew she got extra sensitive after an orgasm but she just felt too fucking good to stop thrusting into. I growled over and over as I thrust into her. She suddenly sat up and put both hands on the headboard, her arms locking and shoving back into me with all of her strength. This meant that each time I thrust into her I hit a stop as our hips slammed together.

She grunted on each thrust now. It all felt so good that I found a new gear and starting thrusting into her faster and faster…

“Fuck!” She screamed. “Fuck me!”

She fell over the edge and I joined her…

Chapter 30
I lay on top of her… dimly aware I had nearly passed out after out lovemaking session…

She lay beneath me. We were both panting hard.

I leaned in and kissed her cheek, “I love you… you make me so much stronger. Thank you.”

She looked at me, her eyes still bathed in the afterglow of our lovemaking, “I love you too baby boy…” She kissed me tenderly.

The moment was broken by the sound of her phone ringing.

Awareness snapped into her eyes, “Shit! We’re late!”

She pushed me off of her and rushed to the little table across the room where she had set her phone. She answered and I could tell she was trying to play off that she was half asleep…

Had I not been watching her body language… I would have never known. My baby girl was an amazing actress…

“Hello?” she asked blearily.

…

“Mom? What time is it? Oh! Crud! I’m so sorry, we must have dozed off…” She looked at me and smiled…

I smiled back at my clever little she-wolf, shaking my head at her.

“I’m sorry Mom…” she faced me, “honey, do you just want to stay in and sleep?” She looked at me with sympathy. I could tell she was worried that I might not be feeling sociable after my episode…

I smiled at her. I had been honest with her before. I felt good. In fact, I felt stronger than I had for a very long time, like there was a pain deep within me that I had lived with for so long that I had forgotten was there. That pain was gone now… I shook my head at her, “No, tell her we’ll be down in a minute, I’m starving anyway. Tell them not to wait for us, I’ll pay for us.”

She smiled at me, “No Mom, we’ll be down. Gabby says not to wait for us. We’ll pay our own way.”

She bounced her head as she listened to her mom. “No Mom, it’s okay, that’s what we get for falling asleep and being late. Gabby and I don’t want you and Dad to have to wait because we were stupid…”

She paused for another second, obviously listening to her mom. “Okay Mom, we’ll see you in a little while.”

With that she smiled and hung up the phone, biting her lip at me as she shared her little lie with me…

I raised my eyebrows at her. “You’re such a little liar there you bad girl.”

She set her phone down and crawled back on the bed with me. She rubbed her nose on chin and then kissed my lips… “Promise you won’t rat me out…?”

I pulled her in for a deeper kiss, saying between kisses, “What’s in it for me…?”

She pushed me down on my back and laid her body against mine, rubbing sensuously against me. God, how is she always so fucking horny? I thought to myself. I just made love to her twice!

“Mr. Halloway? Are you blackmailing me?” she asked me huskily.

I grabbed her ass and kissed her harder. “Do I need to?”

She rubbed her nose lightly against mine, causing little spikes of pain to shoot through my face. I didn’t complain, it was too delicious to have her tease me. She licked my top lip, “No. You know… you can have me any way any time…”

Her mouth fell on mine and she kissed me, her tongue flicking inside my mouth with each new kiss. I actually started to want her again!

I threw my head back with a growl, breaking our kiss. “You are so fucking bad! You have to stop, or we’re not going to make dinner!”

She crawled up my body, pressing her breasts into me. She put my hand on her ass… “Are you sure. I’ve been a bad girl… you sure you don’t want to stay and punish me?”

I grabbed her suddenly and rolled her over my body, causing her to squeal and giggle. I attacked her neck with nibbles and kisses, running my hand up and cupping her breast hard as I did so. Her body jerked like it had been struck by lightning…

“Oh god! You are so good at that!” she moaned.

I kissed her neck again and ran my tongue lightly up the skin there, still rubbing her breast aggressively. Her head lolled and she started moaning again… “You want me to punish you, bad girl…?” I ran my left hand down her flank, while continuing to rub her breast with my right.

She bit her lip and nodded her head lifelessly. “Yes… I’ve been very bad…”

I jumped off her suddenly. “Okay then, you’re cut off until after dinner!”

Her eyes snapped open, “Oh, you motherfucker!”

She threw her head back and squeezed her legs together… I could tell she was trying to put the horn dog back on its leash… “That was so delicious… I’m going to have to remember to pull that one on you!”

I raised my eyebrows at her… “You try that shit on me and you’re most likely to lose another set of panties and get fucked anyway…”

She moved quickly and dove off the bed. She’s smaller than me, but she took me a little by surprise and attacked me like a little badger. She shoved me back into the wall and her mouth fell on mine, her tongue pressed aggressively into my mouth.

I could tell she was getting hot again from her frantic breathing…

She moaned into my mouth between kisses, “That sounds fucking delicious…”

I used the last of my willpower to push her away… “We have to go baby girl… if you don’t stop…” I shook my head at her, “I won’t be able to… you’ll be getting fucked again…”

She stopped. It made me feel really fucking good to see how little control she had of herself, to see how much she wanted me again, even after just having me…

She shook her head and tried to clear it. Pursing her lips, she blew through them slowly. I could see her making the mental effort to calm herself… she was winning the battle, but just barely. I took my chance to extricate myself from her and run to the bathroom!

I peed, then turned the faucet on and splashed some cold water on my face… I had to clear my desire to have her again out…

She came in and raised her dress and used the toilet next to me. It was the first time she had ever gone to the bathroom in front of me…

I watched her in the mirror and she turned meeting my eyes in the mirror, “What?” she asked.

I shook my head at her. “Nothing.” I paused, thinking of how to say this without sounding like a weirdo… “It’s just you’ve never done that before.”

Her face screwed up, “What?”

I suppressed a smile, “Peed in front of me.”

She covered her face with her hands, peeking out from between her fingers. “Is it weird?” she asked.

I turned and went to her, raising her face to me and kissing her lightly, “No. I’m glad to see you’re comfortable enough with me…”

She smiled… “Okay, but kissing me on the toilet is weird…”

I had a good laugh out of that! She was right of course…

She finished up and stood, flushing.

She came over and washed her hands while I stood behind her. It was then I noticed in the mirror the bite mark I had left on her left shoulder…

“Oh shit!” I called in surprise.

She looked at me in the mirror, “What?”

I wrapped my arms around her from behind, and kissed her shoulder just above the bite mark, drawing her attention to it. She noticed it and covered her mouth in embarrassment! “Oops!” she muttered.

I pulled her in tighter to me, the thought just occurring to me, tears nearly coming to my eyes… “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

She smiled at me in the mirror and shook her head, “I liked it. I love your love bites.”

I ran my nose up the side of her face, breathing in the scent of her vanilla love. My nose screamed a little in pain but I told that little bitch to shut up. I nibbled on her ear… “Not as much as I love giving them to you…” I whispered in her ear.

She bit her lip the way I knew she did when she was getting hot for me. Her body melted into mine and she reached back to pull me into her. Shaking her head lightly she whispered… “I don’t know about that…”

Her hand found its way back and rubbed my crotch lightly.

I pulled away from her and smacked her on the ass hard, “Bad girl! Remember, you’re cut off until after dinner!”

She giggled, “You can’t blame a girl for trying!”

I wrapped my arms back around her and hugged her tight, bathing my brain in the warmth of the love she gave me. I whispered… “I can’t blame this girl for anything…”

She pushed back into me and rubbed her head against mine, cradling her arms over mine where I held her. “That always feels so good I want to cry…” I watched her in the mirror, seeing her close her eyes… “It feels so beautiful I just want to cry with joy.”

I put one hand across her tummy and the other across her body, grabbing her shoulder, pulling her tighter into me, just enjoying the feeling of warmth and love that spread through my body at just being able to hold her. Her hand came up and pulled my head into her harder. “I love you baby girl.” I whispered.

She opened her eyes and looked at me in the mirror. I saw a dark light flash into her eyes for a moment… an evil thought occurring to her. She smiled an impish smile and nodded her head. “We’re using this mirror later… I want you to fuck me in front of it…”

My lust for her returned with a fever… I pushed her forward, trapping her body between my own and the countertop. Meeting her eyes in the mirror I nodded my head at her…

My left hand settled to her hip, my right over her left breast…

I ground my hips into her from behind, meeting her eyes the entire time.

Her head lolled back but she kept my gaze in the mirror. “Like this?” I asked her.

She nodded slowly, her hands both grabbing the counter while she pushed her hips back to meet mine… “Uh-huh.”

I let her go and smacked her ass hard again. “Well maybe later! You’re still cut off!”

Her face filled with frustration, “You motherfucker! You are getting too fucking good at that!”

I ran from the room as she chased me. I dove on the bed and she screamed, “Bad move asshole! Now you’re getting raped!” as she dove into the bed with me. We play fought and I let her end up on top of me…

She kissed me, laying her body across me. “Thank you for letting me win…” she purred as she nuzzled into me.

I close my eyes and kissed her. “You always win with me, baby girl…”

Her tongue slipped into my mouth and I was hit by a jolt of electrical current…

Her hips ground into mine. I grabbed her ass and moved my hips up to meet hers…

Looks like we’re not making dinner… I thought to myself as I moaned into her ear.

Suddenly she dove off of me, “Nope, remember I’m cut off until after dinner.”

My body jerked involuntarily as I was denied my lust for her. “Oh, you bitch!” I muttered. She smiled devilishly…

She threw her arms in the air and crowed, “Victory is mine!” Her eyes filled with lust for me and I hoped for a second she was going to throw her victory away. She shook her head… clearing it. “We have to go! I told my mom we were on the way!”

I scooted to the end of the bed and grabbed my phone. “Shit! We’re half an hour late!”

She was digging in her bag for some reason… “What are you doing?” I asked her.

She glanced back at me, “Getting a sweater to pull on so I can cover this love bite! We were supposed to be sleeping!”

She tucked her hair behind her ear and an electric current shot through my body…

It was weird. It was a feeling of pure, raw lust for her…

Then I realized what had caused it… her ear.

She found a white sweater and pulled it on. The action of pulling the sweater on caused her hair to fall over her ear again. I felt the urge within me to take her ratchet down a notch…

“Waitwaitwaitwait!” I called to her. Running over to her…

She looked at me in surprise. “What?”

I placed my hands on the sides of her head and ran her hair back behind her ears again… I could see the curves of her face, her amazing little ears, the curve of her neck as it led up to her face…

I shook my head; She is so amazingly fucking beautiful! I thought to myself. I looked at her with wonder. She had pulled her hair back before but this time it just clicked for me…

Her hands ran up to my face… “God that feels so amazing! What is it? It’s like you’re seeing me for the first time again…”

I ran my nose up the side of her neck, breathing on her and lightly licking at her skin. Her head dropped back… “What? I need to know!” she whispered.

Dropping another love bite on her neck I whispered into her ear, “Your ears… fuck. Just seeing you, your face, your ears, the graceful curve of your neck… it made me want you so bad…”

Her mouth found mine again and she laid the kiss of a life time on me. When she broke, it she smiled at me and held up a finger…

Diving back into her bag she pulled out a rubber band and gathered her hair up, pulling it back into a pony tail. “Like this?”

I looked at her… her graceful face, her neck, I could see all of her!

I nearly tackled her in lust. She hit the dresser and I was lucky it was almost the perfect height for her ass to slide right up on top of it! I spread her legs apart for me and grabbed her ass, pulling her into me…

Kissing her hard I forced my tongue into her mouth… goddamn!

I needed her. Fire burned in my guts as I kissed her.

She managed to push away from me, her back against the wall and her hand against my chest, “Down boy!” she yelled. I could see her eyes were glazed over though.

Seeing her like this… legs spread for me. Hair up… god I fucking wanted her so badly right then…

Her eyes bounced back and forth between mine… “Goddamn! I feel like I’m about to get fucked by a freight train…”

I pulled her hips into me aggressively. I was about to lose control…

She put her finger to my lips… “We’re supposed to meet my parents!”

That was it. God, she was so smart!

She managed to find the bucket of cold water to dump on me…

I shook my head at her… finally nodding weakly. “I got this… you’re right.”

She smiled at me. “Good to see I can still get your engine running!”

Chapter 31
We were in the elevator riding down to the lobby when she leaned into me… “I’m not wearing panties…”

I was still not quite over my lust for her… my eyes snapped to her. I pulled her in to me… kissing her hard.

I broke from her as the elevator dinged, signaling that we were in the lobby. Fucking fast elevator! I thought…

She was a little wobbly from the pleasure my kiss gave her. She clung to me and I kept my arm wrapped around her as we walked. I leaned in and whispered in her ear, “You’re going to pay for that little stunt missy…”

She bounced her eyebrows at me, “I’m looking forward to it!”

We paid and found her parents seated at a booth. They looked up at us with a smile!

Marsha looked at her daughter, “Took your sweet time coming down!”

Karly smiled at her, “We got tied up!”

I looked down in embarrassment while Joshua rolled his eyes. “I really don’t want to hear about your sex life!”

I held my hands out… “No sex. We just were getting cleaned up…”

It wasn’t a lie per se… I did lick her clean a few times…

He laughed. “Go get food you two. I’m sure Gabby could eat a whole cow!”

I laughed and ran to grab food. Karly and I made our way back to the table. I had an enormous salad, and she had a plate full of ribs. She slid in before me. I figured I’d eat more than her and didn’t want her to have to move out of the booth constantly. I leaned into her and bumped her to be playful.

“Quit crowding me!” She crowned. “There are ribs to be considered here!”

We both dug in. I went back four times for food before I had finally had enough. Everything was absolutely delicious. It was one of the best meals I had ever had!

We all shared conversation, visiting amiably. Marsha asked how we liked our room and Karly and I both told her how much we liked it. They told us about their room, including her mom giving a description of the hot tub in their room…

I was a little jealous of that. I would have liked to have made love to Karly in a hot tub…

I made a promise to myself that I would try it one day!

Joshua and Marsha finished up before us, having gotten so much of an early start on us. Josh looked at me, “We’re going to hit some table games for the rest of the night. You two okay on your own for the rest of the night?”

Karly snuggled into me, “I am. I have a big ol’ angry grizzly bear to protect me.”

I knew he was a bit worried that I might be getting anxious with the crowds. It felt really nice to see that he was worried about me, but it also stung my pride a bit. I wasn’t a little kid. I knew what he was asking me. He was checking to see if I wanted him to stick around and help me through my fears. I mean it wasn’t my proudest moment, but it still felt nice to know that he cared enough about me to be willing to sacrifice quiet time with his wife just to look out for me.

How had I gotten so lucky in life? I wondered. I had so many good people that had found their way into my life. People that cared about me, that wanted to look out for me. It was more than I deserved I knew, mostly I felt like I deserved to be alone…

I met his eye, “Yeah, you two go and have fun. I’m doing really well! We’ll meet up in the morning for breakfast?”

He nodded eagerly, “Sounds like a plan!”

He and Marsha started to slide out of the booth, “Oh, one more thing.”

I looked at him expectantly.

“The Strip is pretty damn safe. There are always a ton of people wandering around, and the cops don’t take any shit down there. The Strat isn’t on the Strip though. There is a couple of pretty rough blocks between here and there. Don’t go walking through that. If you decide to go out on the Strip, take a cab, or a shuttle till you get down farther.” He looked at me in particular, “Gabby, I know you can handle yourself, but things can get out of hand pretty fast and you don’t have a ton of experience with dealing with situations getting out of hand. Please, be smart and don’t take any risks.”

I shook my head at him. “Thank you for the warning. I thought we were on the Strip. If we went out on the Strip I probably would have insisted we walk to save money. I won’t now.”

He seemed satisfied and smiled at me, “Have fun tonight you two!”

Karly hugged me hard, “I got my teddy bear! I’m already having fun!”

I smiled at the older couple, “You two have fun too! Don’t lose too much money!”

Karly and I continued to eat, working on finishing our meal. Mid-way through the meal Karly leaned into my ear and whispered, “How are you doing?”

I looked at her and realized my anxiety wasn’t spiking at all. I mean the buffet was bustling, and things were louder than I normally liked, but I wasn’t anxious. It felt great to just be with her in a busy place while I was enjoying myself!

I kissed her, tasting a bit of the barbeque sauce on her lips. “Really good. I’m having fun!” I told her.

She gave me a ‘don’t lie to me mister’ look. I smiled and kissed her again. “Really. I’m having fun.” I put my forehead to hers, “You make me calm, keep me grounded. I love you.”

She kissed me, an electric brush of lips against lips. “I love you too teddy bear.”

When we finished eating we got up and left. We were walking, hand in hand, her head on my shoulder. “Let’s go back to the room.” She told me.

I stopped and pecked at her lips, shaking my head, “No. I’d like to go to the casino. I’d like to run around and do some people watching with you.”

She put both her hands in mine and pulled me in for another electric kiss. “It’s okay. We can go to the room and have some fun, just you and I”

I kissed her again, “Don’t you worry horn dog. You’re definitely getting laid again tonight, but I don’t want to spend the whole trip hiding in our room. We should go have some fun!”

She shook her head at me, and wrapped her arms around my neck. “You don’t need to impress me with how tough you can be. I know you’re tough.”

I kissed her again, “I’m not being tough. I feel really good right now. As soon as I start getting uncomfortable, I’ll let you know and we can head up to the room!”

“You’re sure?” She asked me. I could tell she didn’t trust me to be honest on it…

That stung a bit, but it also felt good that she knew me well enough to know I usually wouldn’t be comfortable, and that she loved me enough to spend the rest of the evening alone with me…

I nodded eagerly, trying to convey to her how excited I was. I kissed her again. “In fact, I might lie to you and say I’m uncomfortable just so I can get between those legs a little bit sooner…”

She smiled like a schoolgirl and dragged me by the hand to the casino.

We got to the casino and I could feel the electric current of the room. So much light, so much sound! For the first time in my life I felt what everyone else must have felt! That excitement, the energy!

I shook my head, and realized that all of the excitement and energy were nothing compared to how I felt about her. About my excitement to be here with her, to see her joyous energy. She had left her hair up and I again marveled at the lines in her face, wanting so much to just push her to the floor and have my way with her… with Karly I could probably get away with it… well at least until casino security threw us out!

I pulled her into a walking hug, lifting her a bit and guiding her along the path I wanted her to walk.

I know we were getting in people’s way, but I really didn’t give a shit. Fuck them! I had an angel in my arms, they should expect me to be absorbed in her!

We wandered the room, watching people maniacally pressing buttons and losing money…

We made fun of people, we made observations about them. It was interesting to watch people become like robots. Press the button, wait for the pellet of food to drop. Press the button again. And again. And again.

After a while it started to make me sad. I could understand the manic energy and the excitement of trying to win money. A part of me was disappointed to feel that I wanted to join in on that chance. I also knew, mathematically, these people were essentially paying to see some shiny lights for a few seconds. Essentially, they were throwing money away. That seemed like a sin to me, and every time they pressed the button they expected a different response.

Karly caught me shaking my head as I watched a blue haired lady blow through the maximum bet on a slot ten times. She had just thrown away twenty bucks for maybe two minutes of enjoyment. Two minutes of excitement. Her voice interrupted my thoughts, “What is it?”

I looked at her as a wave of sadness crashed over me. “It’s kind of depressing.” Worry crashed into her face. I smiled to let her know I was okay still. “People are so desperate to win they just throw money away.”

She looked at the little old lady with me for a few seconds. Finally, she shrugged, “If it makes her happy though, what does it matter?”

I looked into her beautiful eyes. “It makes her happy right now. For a few seconds at a time. Later though, she’ll hate herself, once she finally realizes how much she spent for how little return.” Just then her machine hit a win and the little old lady lit up. I looked at Karly and she smiled at me like a smartass.

I shrugged, “Maybe I’m wrong.”

She kissed me, “You’re not. Just bad timing. In fact, that’s what sucks people in. The win that makes the losses seem like a lie. People sink money into those things and after a while you start to feel like you’re due. You’re already so sunk in you can’t justify walking away. People start to feel like the instant they walk away the big payout will come. They just get sunk into how much they’ve lost, and that makes them lose more.”

She sighed and shook her head. I could see some of my melancholy had rubbed off on her.

Time to cheer her up…

I pulled her in and kissed her hard, our tongues mingling. When we broke, I told her, “See, that was so much better than pressing some buttons and looking at the blinking lights.”

Chapter 32
We met up with Karly’s parents as they were gambling at a blackjack table. Joshua smiled at us. “What are you two up to?” He asked kindly.

I smiled at him, “Just wandering, people watching mostly!”

He returned the smile, “You two know you can’t gamble, right?”

I laughed, shaking my head, “That would be a dumb thing to do. They don’t pay out in cash here, they give you little tickets that you have to take to the cashier’s station. That would be a dumb bet, I’m not really interested in giving money away!”
I pulled Karly to me and kissed her cheek. “I think I’d like to take your daughter shopping if you don’t mind!”

“Shopping!” she squealed.

Joshua smiled at him, “You may as well sit down here son… if you’re not interested in losing money I wouldn’t go shopping for Karly!”

I laughed and Karly slapped her dad’s chest.

Marsha offered me her keys, “Do you want to borrow our car?”

I shook my head, laughing, “That will never happen. No way I’m wrecking an Escalade… No thanks, I thought we’d just hit some of the stores in the hotel.”

Joshua nodded, obviously eager to get back to his game, “Have fun you two!”

I took Karly shopping. It was super fun. We agreed that we both wanted to go swimming, and we both needed suits so she let me buy her a one-piece suit, black, and a pair of swimming shoes. I got a pair of baggy swim trunks. She also insisted that I buy myself a new pair of shoes, and I picked out a new set of heavy black boots from 5.11 I found in one of the stores. She snuck off and bought me a really nice dress shirt. I started to argue and she told me that I really needed to get some nicer clothes. I had to give her that one… I didn’t actually own a shirt with buttons…

We also picked up some snacks for the room… Karly told me she intended to put me in need of them…

After that we went up to the rooftop pool. We changed in the dressing room, and met out by the pool. The night was frigid and we dove into one of the hot tubs, cuddling up and snuggling. The cold air must have kept most of the people away as we had the tub to ourselves. We didn’t talk, or plan, we just sat there enjoying each other’s company.

Her voice surprised me when she finally spoke. “If you could go back and do one thing different in your life, what would it be?”

That was a good question…

I shook my head. “I really don’t know.”

She snuggled her shoulder into me, drawing my arm around herself.

I knew she wasn’t going to let this go. I needed to come up with some answer.

“Do you ever feel like you maybe aren’t a good person?” I asked her.

She pulled away from me, giving me a funny look. “Not really. Do you?”

I frowned. “Sometimes.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “Why do you think that?”

I thought about it for a second. “Well, your question. See, on one hand, I look at that and a part of me wants to say that I should go back and do something that changes the worst thing I ever did. Another part of me says I should go and work on myself in some way. Be stronger, or get help for my, well for whatever the fuck is wrong with my head…”

She tisked at me…

She was going to say something and I knew it was going to be more platitudes about how I was okay, and I really didn’t want to hear that, so I interrupted her.

“And the last part of me wants to go back and find a way to make you be with me.” I smiled at her. “I mean earlier than I was.”

She raised an eyebrow at me. “And that makes you feel like a bad person?”

I frowned again. “Kind of.” I shrugged. “I mean, a chance like that, something that special, seems like it would be wasteful to not use it to go and wipe away some bad karma… but I find myself pulled more towards the other two choices.”

I looked down at the water, suddenly very focused on the distorted image of the bubbles spraying the surface.

My mind snapped back to what I was saying. “And that makes me feel even worse.” I looked over at her.

She shook her head, “Why?”

I chewed at my lip. “Because a part of me wants to fix myself before I met you.”

She raised her eyebrows and frowned at me. Then she leaned into me and I felt a little bit better. She shook her head against my shoulder. “Because you’re too stupid and proud. You always make yourself miserable being too responsible. You see something wrong and you twist it and worry at it until you find a way to make it your fault.”

I chuckled. “But isn’t it my fault if I can change it? If I can find a way to look back and see that I could change it?”

Her fingers found the hem of my shorts under the water and she played with it. Plucking at it and worrying it. “Not really. There are some things you can’t change, and not everything is your fault.”

That bothered me. I saw so many times in people’s lives when they made themselves a victim over and over. Where they refused to take responsibility for their own choices and in turn put themselves back into that very same position.

“Isn’t it though? I mean isn’t every choice, every situation we put ourselves into our own fault?”

She looked at me. “What do you mean?”

I sat for a moment and collected my thoughts. “I think people too easily walk away from responsibility.” A thought occurred to me then. “Take this example. You walk down a dark alley and get robbed. Who’s at fault?”

She looked at me like I was stupid. “The guy that robbed you. You can’t go and victimize someone and have it be someone else’s fault.”

I nodded at her. “So, the next day you walk down that same dark alley, and that same guy beats you up and robs you. Who’s at fault now?”

I saw her understanding as she thought about it. “Well, I guess both of you. I mean the robber is no less responsible for victimizing someone.” She got a funny look on her face. “But I guess it’s also your own fault as you should have learned a lesson the first time.”

I raised my eyebrows. “So, the next night you walk down that same alley and get robbed again by the same guy.”

She laughed. “Now it’s your fault. I mean, come on. At some point, you have to learn your lesson.”

I joined her in laughing. “Now work that logic backwards. Why do you take responsibility the third time it happens, but not the first time?”

“Well, some things are beyond your control.”

I raised my eyebrows at her. “But is that true? The first time it happened if you had told yourself you did something stupid and only had yourself to blame, wouldn’t that ensure that it never happened again?”

She frowned and thought about it for a second. “I guess that’s true.”

I pulled her into me. “That’s all I try to do.”

She pulled away from me and gave me a dirty look. “You take it too far though. Sometimes, I see you tear yourself to bloody ribbons making yourself responsible for something that you had no control over.”

I smiled at her, “Like what?”

She hesitated. “Like a lot of the stuff you blame yourself for that happened when you were a kid. You didn’t know any better. Adults that should have taken care of you refused to, and you suffered for it. You blamed yourself for all of that. That’s not healthy. In fact, one could make the argument that your attitude removes the blame from anybody that victimizes someone else. They had it coming as they should have made a different decision.”

She had a point. It was a dangerous way of looking at the world. “I wish I had pushed you to want to be with me when we were freshmen then.”

She laughed. “Your brain is so weird. You’re the only person I’ve ever met that could have tied that whole separate series of events together and then came back and tied the question up.”

I chuckled. Then another thought occurred to me. “Do you think it would have worked?”

Now she grew quiet. “I don’t know.”

I pulled her in close to me and put my cheek against her head. “Why do you think that.”

She snuggled in closer to me. “I want to say that I would have been mature and dove at the chance. I look back though and realize that I may have been too stupid to realize what a chance it was.”

She leaned away from me and looked up at me sheepishly through her eyelashes. “Maybe part of what makes you so special is that you aren’t the person Mike was. I realize now how lucky I am to have a guy that loves me and really cares about me.”

She broke eye contact and snuggled back into me. “Maybe if I hadn’t learned that lesson I would take you for granted.”

She started to play with the hem of my shorts again. “Maybe that would have made me less patient with you.”

Shrugging she said, “Maybe that would have caused me to take you for granted.”

I smiled and kissed the top of her head, feeling her wet hair beneath my lips. “See how hard it is to not look back and start thinking you might just be a terrible person?”

She laughed and hugged me. “Maybe the past is the past for a reason. Maybe it is designed to make us realize that we need to learn and live and that should be the end of it.”

I put my head to the side of her face and kissed her head again. “Good point. Maybe both of us should stop beating ourselves up for not getting together earlier and just start appreciating the time we have now.”

She looked up at me and smiled. Finally, she moved in and gave me a nice, soft kiss…

Chapter 33
Karly and I were tied up in the bed, making love again…

We had barely made it back to the room before our need for each other overtook us again…

I slid down into her, enjoying the velvety feel of the inside of her… she was so intoxicating…

My lips slid down her jaw, raining kisses down her face as I worked my way to her ear…

Everything about her felt so intoxicating. So, delicious. So, perfect.

I made up my mind, right there and then… I wanted to marry this girl. I wanted her to be mine… forever. I wanted to be hers forever. My brain screamed to me that I was an idiot. That I had only known her, had only loved her for a week, but even my common sense seemed to melt at the idea of her being with me forever. It just felt so right.

I didn’t know if I felt that the idea of a soul mate was right… but this was how that felt. I just felt completely at tune with her. Like our minds and our bodies had synced together…

Sliding in and out of her… I decided. “Can I… can ask you… oh fuck…” I moaned… pausing at each sensual thrust into her body. “Can I ask you… a question…”

Her lips were working on my ear, kissing and nibbling there. She had started to pick up my habit of dropping little love bites on me as we made love…

Her head bobbed as she panted into my ear… “You can… fuck… you can ask… me… oh god… me anything…”

I was overjoyed to see her mind didn’t work any better than mine did while I was in her…

“Oh god…” I moaned into her ear, nipping at her there… “fuck you feel so good…”

She shook her head… “I don’t… I don’t think that was a question…”

My breath was hot on her neck… “You have to… you have to promise…” pleasure rocked through my body and I lost my train of thought…

“You have to promise me… not to… not to… get mad…”

She kissed my neck and chest, “I can’t… I can’t be mad at you…”

“Will you… will you…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it… the fear of rejection was too much…

Just fucking say it! My brain screamed.

“Will you marry me?”

She pulled me into her… nodding her head… “One day… one day I will.”

I closed my eyes… rejection.

I lost myself in the feeling of her. The raw sensual pleasure I received from her body. I almost let it drop… almost.

Finally, I worked my courage back up. “No… I don’t mean… oh god… I don’t mean one day…” I kissed her neck, lost in pleasure. “I mean now… while we’re here… in Vegas…”

She pushed my head back and looked into my eyes…

The light to our left was on.

It clicked then. The vision I had had in her car that first night we were together. That moment that seemed like a vision. This was that moment. Somehow. Somehow, I had seen this moment then. My heart swelled with feeling for her. I had seen this moment. But how was that possible?

Her legs pulled me into her, guiding me back to our closest. I took it as a good sign.

“Are you…” her eyes slid closed in pleasure… “Are you being serious?” she asked me. She seemed so fragile right then. Like if I said the wrong thing she would shatter into a million pieces that I would never be able to put together again…

I waited for her to open her eyes again. I looked straight into those emerald pools of beauty. My angel’s eyes… I nodded slowly. “Yes… I want you… I want you to be mine… forever…”

She licked her lips. I could tell she was trying to think, but the pleasure I was giving her was too much.

Her eyes filled with tears, overfilling suddenly.

My heart crashed. I had hurt her!

I pulled her close and whispered to her, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!”

I had started to pull myself from her. Her hand on my ass stopped me. “No. Please. Don’t stop…” She squirmed her legs into me, trying to pull herself back onto me…

Thrusting shallowly into her again I pulled away and looked at her face. I needed to see her face, to see how I had hurt her, why I had hurt her…

She felt so good!

Her eyes were still pooling, she said to me, “Nothing to be sorry for…” Her head arched back in pleasure, “They are good tears…”

How were tears good?

I put my hand to her face… trying to get her to look at me again…

Finally, she met my eyes again. “Do you… do you really want… want to?”

I shook my head eagerly. “Yes. I want to. I want to sneak off. Just the two of us, and do it. Just us.”

Her face melted, the conflict of emotions there palatable. I continued to make love to her… I couldn’t stop. Even had she asked me I don’t know that I could have stopped.

Her head made strange movements… finally it settled into a firm nod… “Okay… yes…”

Tears fell from my eyes now… she said yes!

My mouth fell on hers and we shared a breathtaking kiss. I began to thrust into her harder and she moaned, feral and full of need. My hands tangled into hers and she and I shared each other…

Her breathing turned more rhythmic, faster and shallower and I knew that she was close to falling over the edge. I used every ounce of my willpower to not speed up… to thrust into her harder…

Her head crested back, “Oh god! I love you!” She screamed as I knew I carried her over the edge. She tightened on me and pulled me over with her.

I pumped wave after wave of myself into her… I couldn’t stop. Her legs locked over my back and I felt myself drawn into the longest orgasm I had ever experienced. The best orgasm I had ever experienced.

She fell limp beneath me. I fell limp on top of her, too weak to even move. Finally, worried that my weight might be hurting her I fell to my side next to her.

She rolled to me and put her face to mine… her lips brushing against mine.

Her eyes were half open. Her hand came up and played with my ear. “Okay… now that I’ve milked the stupid out of you… are you serious?”

I pulled her closer to me. “Yes. Absolutely. I want you forever. Everything in my brain is telling me to marry you before you wake up and realize how crazy you are for even thinking of me…”

She smiled at me, her lips wrapping up in mine.

I found a way to pull her body closer to mine. “Are you saying you don’t want to?” I asked her…

She shook her head. “No. I want to. Fuck I want to so badly… I want to be yours until the end of time…”

I kissed her again… it should have been a happy kiss, but somehow it wasn’t… I could sense a but coming…

I finally broke from her lips, “But?”

Her face nearly broke with emotion again, “I will. God, I want to so badly. But. It will change things. I’ll run off with you and marry you. I’ll even do it in secret so my parents don’t step in the way and convince me not to.” She shook her head at me, “But I won’t live in secret.” Her lips met mine again. “If we do this. We have to accept the consequences of it. When we get home, we have to tell everyone. My parents. Yours. Everyone this impacts. Then I have to move in with you…”

That would kill her. I realized it then.

I shook my head, “You don’t have to. I can live with it. I mean I would want you to, but I know it would damage your relationship with your parents…”

She rubbed my ear, “It wouldn’t damage my relationship with my parents… it would destroy it. At least for a while…”

My heart bled. I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t do that. But I also wanted her so badly. I mean I know I had her. Her mind, her body, her heart. I had all of that, and somehow it wasn’t enough. I wanted the commitment. I wanted to tell her that I was hers forever and have her make the same commitment to me. I wanted to know that she would be mine forever. I knew some stupid words and a legal document wouldn’t mean she couldn’t walk away from me. I knew she could if she had to. It was more the intangible element of making the commitment to each other.

“Why? Why do we need to tell them? Isn’t that a commitment between you and me? Isn’t it only our business?” I asked her in desperation.

She smiled at me, kissing my lips. “Oh, my stupid baby boy…” She shook her head at me, “No. If I marry you… I’m yours. You are my family then. Yes, they are too. But you are the most important then. I have to commit one hundred percent to you. I have to be there every night when you fall asleep, and I have to be there every morning when you wake up. We have to take care of each other. We have to be each other’s rock and I can’t do that for you while I’m running off each night to hide the fact from my parents. Don’t you understand that? Don’t you see that once we say those words to each other… we live for each other?”

I kissed her. “I don’t understand the words part.” I smiled at her. “You are already that to me. I have no one else. You are the only reason I have to take my next breath. I’ll be that for you no matter where you have to run off to. I would suffer any torture for you. I would accept any burden, no matter how heavy, or how awful. In my heart, you already are my wife. I don’t need a preacher or a piece of paper to tell me that.”

She clung to me then. “Goddamn it! Why do you have to be so fucking perfect?” She whispered into my ear.

She shook her head against mine. Finally, I told her, “I’m not perfect baby girl. I have my problems, it’s just that doubting you and me isn’t one of them.”

Her grip somehow managed to tighten on me. “That makes you perfect. I know you would die for me right now. You would jump in front of a bus for me, with zero hesitation. You would give up anything in your life if I snapped my fingers…”

She sighed, “I have to do the same.”

Pulling back away from me she met my eyes, “Do you want to do it tonight?”

I kissed her and shook my head. “No. I take it back.” I told her.

Tears of real sadness filled her eyes now…

I felt horrible hurting her, but I understood now. I understood what my selfishness would cost her. It would cost her her family. It would make her… into me…

I realized that would drive her even closer to me. That it would bond us in a way that would be truly unbreakable, like forge welding two pieces of steel together. I didn’t care. I’d cut my own heart out before I made her like me. Before I made her to be alone. I’d pull my own eyes from my head before I cost her her family.

I hurt her, but I chose the lesser of two hurts. There was already one of me in the world, that was one too many in my opinion and I would not let my selfishness create another.

Brushing her tears away I told her, “One day. One day, baby girl. I’ll stand in front of you, and your family, and all of our friends and I’ll say the words. On that day, you’ll come home with me, and we’ll start to build a life together.” I kissed her, her lips soft and sad.

Smiling at her, “You are so beautiful even when you cry…”

Her face melted even further, “I messed this up, didn’t I?”

I shook my head at her, kissing her tenderly, “Not at all. Never. I asked you because I wanted to make the commitment to you. Not because I wanted the commitment from you. I realize that now. What I didn’t realize is that I’ve already made that commitment to you. I’m already yours, from now, until the end of time. From today, until the day that all the stars fall from the sky. Until the oceans boil away, and all the universe goes cold. I will be yours forever.” I kissed her. “That’s good enough for me. One day, when you’re ready… when it won’t cost you anything to give the same to me… on that day. That day I will accept the same commitment from you.” I shook my head, “But I won’t accept that love from you until that day comes…”

She wrapped her arms around me and cried. I could tell they were good tears this time…

“I love you so fucking much…” she whispered. “God, how did I ever come to deserve you…?”

I smiled at her as I roll her onto her back and looked into her eyes, losing myself in their depths. “Well, I just assume you were a really bad person in a past life.”

She laughed.

I continued to press it, trying to cheer her up. “Maybe you kicked a lot of puppies.”

She giggled harder.

“I mean, like maybe, you were an Olympic level puppy kicker or something.”

Chapter 34
We woke in the morning face to face, sharing a pillow. The light poured in through the window we had left open. I leaned up and tried to look at the clock on the nightstand. Without my contacts, I was pretty blind… I couldn’t read it.

I let my head crash back down and asked her, “Baby girl, what time is it?” I knew we were meeting her parents for breakfast and after last night I didn’t want to be late again.

She responded by kissing me and wrapping her legs around me. I could feel her nakedness pressed against me, and I responded to it. Truly, I asked her the time because I wanted to make love to her, not go back to sleep, and I wanted to make sure I had the time to do it properly without rushing the job…

She became more passionate and forced me over onto my back…

Straddling me she laid kisses on my chest, my neck, my face and into my mouth…

I ground myself into her, simply luxuriating in her love…

Growling I asked her, “What time is it?”

She laid love bites down my neck… “My little mole can’t see the clock?” she asked me teasingly.

I arched my head back and let her kiss down my neck… “Your little mole wants to know how much time he has to dig his powerful front digging claws into you this morning…”

She giggled. “I set an alarm on my phone… it will tell us when it’s time to stop… I even set it early enough to make sure I had time for you to make love to me before we had to get ready…”

I grabbed her hips and forced myself up into her… “Good enough for me…”

Chapter 35

We stepped out of the shower together, taking turns drying each other off. We had both managed to finish right as the alarm went off. God must love us…

We both got dressed and were early for breakfast.

I was happy with that.

Our day was filled with shopping, and sightseeing, walking the Strip and visiting tourist traps. Our night was filled with a big dinner and Karly and I going off on our own to simply people watch. Without the ability to gamble, we caught a shuttle down to the Strip and walked hand in hand. We watched the fountains at the Bellagio for a long time. We had found a little abutment overlooking the fountain, wide enough to sit on. I sat with my back to a pillar with her in my lap, my arms around her, my head pillowed on her chest.

We were quiet for a long time, just watching the water move and jump. Finally, she broke the silence… “I’m sorry I messed up…”

I smiled at her, kissing her neck. I figured I knew what she was talking about, but knew it would be better for her to work her way through it herself. I pillowed my head on her chest again and waited patiently. There was nothing for her to apologize for. She was the one that had sense. I was asking her for something amazingly selfish, and she, using her good sense made me see that. I thought it was a decision that I was making for us, when in truth, I was asking her out of selfish desire.

She tucked her head down… “Are you so mad that you’re not talking to me about it…?”

Shit! I hadn’t thought of that! I shook my head at her, “I’m sorry baby girl. I was being quiet and trying to listen to you, not because I was mad at you… I was trying to make you understand that you didn’t screw anything up. You have nothing to be sorry for…” I sighed… “I can’t even make you see I’m not mad at you right…”

She pushed my head back making me look at her, “Don’t do that! This isn’t your fault. You were amazingly understanding. Don’t beat yourself up because you didn’t make me understand right…”

Her lips came in and met mine.

She took my breath away every time…

I smiled at her. “Baby girl… I asked you to marry me because I’m selfish. I hadn’t really thought about it. I just knew that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I didn’t really consider what it meant, I didn’t even think about the consequences.” I shrugged, “You did, because you’re smart, and you’re not selfish.” I squeezed her tight and put my head back on her chest, closing my eyes, “You didn’t do anything wrong, you just made me see sense.”

She put her head on mine and sighed, “I’m not selfish? Is that what you really think?”

I nodded my head, “You’re my perfect baby girl…”

She kissed the top of my head. “And you’re my stupid teddy bear…”

I pulled back and looked at her, smiling.

She continued, “I’m not selfish? You’re wrong about that. You see, what you offered me was truly unselfish. You just offered yourself to me unconditionally. My first thought was how it would affect my family. The consequences I would have to face if I ran off and got married to you. You and I both know; my family would be pissed. They probably wouldn’t talk to me for a while, but eventually, they would forgive me.” She shook her head, obviously upset at herself. “And I didn’t care about that. I didn’t care enough about you to throw that to the wind… I was selfish.”

She looked down at her hands in her lap. “I feel so stupid and faithless. So, hypocritical. I’ve given you such a hard time, telling you how worried I was that you were going to get tired of me and run away, and then you offer to be with me forever and I turn away from it…”

I breathed in her scent. I knew what I was going to say was important, but I needed to make sure it was just right. “Baby girl. Do you plan on leaving me tomorrow?”

“No.” she answered immediately.

“The next day?”

She shook her head, “No.”

“A month from now?”

She wrapped her arms around my head, “No. You’re mine and I’m keeping you.”

I leaned up and kissed her cheek. “Then it really doesn’t matter when we get married. That was what you were smart enough to realize and what I was too dumb to understand when I asked you to run off with me.” I shook my head, “It doesn’t matter. We all get so wrapped up in saying the words, and getting the piece of paper when all of that bullshit really doesn’t matter. What matters is what we do. How we act. The commitment that we accept in our hearts and act on every day. You see, it’s really easy to stand up in front of a priest and say that you will love and cherish someone every day for the rest of your lives. That doesn’t mean you’re going to do it. If you want that, then do it. Don’t say you’re going to do it. Get up every day and cherish the person you’re with. Treat them with love and respect. Don’t talk about doing. Don’t make them promises that you’re going to do it. Just do it.”

I bounced her back and forth, like a little dance while we were sitting there. “Did you get a little freaked out? Yeah. Should you have gotten a little freaked out? Absolutely. What I was asking you to do would have torn the ever loving shit out of your family. For what? For some words and a piece of paper? Why? Because of my selfishness. And that truly is the only reason…”

I heard her angry sigh… could feel the angry shake of her head. “You are so smart, and yet so stupid sometimes. You offered yourself to me and I refused.” She sighed, “I blew it. You didn’t sit there and think about the consequences, you just did what felt right to you. I didn’t. I blew it.”

I leaned back and gave her an ‘are you kidding me?’ look. I shook my head at her stupidity. “You don’t get it. Did I think about the consequences? No. You know why I didn’t think about the consequences? Because there are literally zero consequences for me. What? My parents are going to disapprove? I don’t talk to them anyway. Who fucking cares what they think? My friends won’t approve? And? Why do I care about any of that?” I kept looking at her, “It’s easy when you have nothing to lose to bet all of it on something. It’s much different when you have something and need to give it up.” I pulled her back in and cuddled her. “Marrying you right now, this instant, there is no downside for me. Worst case scenario, I get you to be around more, to trust me more… best case scenario I get the most perfect woman for me in my life forever. It’s an easy decision to make.”

She laid her head on mine, her voice going all soft with sadness. She sighed, “You’re right, you don’t have a lot to lose. You don’t have family. Your circle of friends is small. All you were trying to do was to start building those things for yourself and I refused to help you…”

I made a rude noise deep in my throat, pulling back and looking at her. “Stop trying to drag a cross out and nail yourself to it.” I shook my head at her. “Your decision last night changes nothing for me. I still have you. I still have my friends. I still have parents that don’t talk to me, or even seem to care that I’m alive. You, on the other hand, still have me, you still have your friends, you still have your family. Neither of us lost anything because you were able to use your brain, which wouldn’t have happened if you had jumped off a cliff with me last night because I was too stupid to think ahead. You didn’t do anything selfish. I’m impressed by you, and I love you more today than I did last night.” With that I pulled her close again and cuddled my head into her chest.

“You suck at making me feel better.” She told me. “Every time you say something that is designed to make me feel better it just makes me realize what an amazing man you are and how much I threw away refusing you.”

I shook my head against her chest, “You didn’t throw anything away stupid. I’m still here. I still love you. I am more than willing to wait for you, in fact, I want to wait for you now. I don’t want you to be alone, to depend on only me. I want you to have the best things you possibly can. That means you need a support system beyond me. If I really wanted you to marry me, I could insist. I could hold it over your head and I know you’d say yes. You’d throw everything away for my dumb ass. That’s all I could ever ask for. If you really wanted to marry me, all you’d have to do is ask me to, and that’s all you’ll ever have to do. From now, until that day. So, stop worrying about it.”

I pulled her in tight to me. “Plus, if we got married right now, it would be in some shitty little hovel.” I pulled back and looked at her. “I want you to have the whole big deal. Fancy dress, decorations, the whole nine yards.”

She darted in and kissed my forehead. “None of that stuff means that much to me. I only care about one thing at my wedding, that you are there.”

I shrugged, “Well once you wise up and kick me to the curb I think the invite would be a little awkward.”

She smacked me on the forehead. “Stop that!”

I smiled at her and kissed those all too kissable lips again. “I just want you to have the whole package. I can’t give that to you right now, but one day I will.”

She stuck her jaw out. She was annoyed with me. “Okay, fine. Let’s get this out of the way. I get it, you’re poor right now.”

It stung a bit to hear her say it, and I started to open my mouth to argue.

She stopped me. “Shut up. I don’t want to hear your self-pity bullshit right now.”

My eyebrows went up.

She continued, “You’re poor today, but I also know that won’t always be the case. You’re too hard of a worker and too dedicated to providing a life for those you care about.” Her eyes held me pinned. “I’m not poor. I never will be. You want to know why I get so annoyed when you want to buy things for me? Because it hurts you. Maybe not immediately, but one day you’re going to need that money for a bill or something and you are too stupid and proud to ask for help.”

I wrinkled my lip at her, trying to tell her I was annoyed. She smacked me on the forehead again, “Shut up. I’m talking here.” She looked back over the fountain and I could see her mind spin a million miles away. “You remember my grandma, dad’s mom?”

That was a weird turn for the conversation…

I nodded my head, knowing she could feel my movement even if she didn’t see it. “Dad and her don’t get along very well because of what she did to him for years. Dad’s dad wasn’t any better to him, but by the time Samantha and I came around he had changed a lot. He doted on us.” She turned and smiled at me. I could see the love in her face. I could also see the conflict. She loved her dad, and she knew what these people had done to her father, but she also knew someone who was kind to her and loved her. Her parents were the type of people that most likely would keep the bulk of the pain away from her as she was little and so she would have grown up trusting and loving people that probably didn’t deserve it.

Now, she was old enough to know that these people were not always good people. She knew them to be flawed, imperfect creatures. She knew they were human. She still loved them, but a part of her hated them for the pain they had caused her father.

I hugged her tighter, trying to suck some of the pain she felt away.

She hugged me tight back. “Anyway, when gramps died, he was really wealthy. He wanted to split the money he had between grams and dad but dad wouldn’t have it. So, gramps screwed him over and gave the money to me and Sam.”

She laughed, “Sam was in the middle of her meltdown so gramps set it up so that she can’t access the money until she graduates from college.”

Her eyes bored into me, “I, on the other hand, got mine when I turned 18.”

I was genuinely confused…

Finally, I managed, “So?”

She threw her head back and laughed. “Oh, you beautiful, stupid man!” She grabbed my face between both her hands, holding her face to mine. “I’m rich. I have enough money in the bank to never work a day in my life if I don’t want to. So. When you suffer to buy me something, it hurts. I can buy things for myself if I want to.”

I had her… I knew it and so I smiled. “But isn’t it more special to know that even though you could have that, I’m willing to give something up so you can have more?”

Her face melted into a look of pure love. Her mouth fell on mine, hot and full of passion. I pulled her in tight to me and just luxuriated in her love. The smell of her hair cascading around my face, the softness of her lips pressed hard to mine, the firm feeling of her body pressed so tight to me.

Finally, she broke away from me, shaking her head at me. Her hand rubbed up my face and over my head, sending a shiver of pleasure through me as it rasped through the short stubble I called hair. She kissed me again, “Do you want to go back to the room now?”

I shook my head. I wanted her, but I wanted to be with her more. “No. Can we just sit here and watch the fountain some more?”

She bit her bottom lip, “Does that mean you don’t want me?”

I knew she was teasing me and didn’t take it personally. I loved the way she made me feel when she was coming on to me. Instead I pulled her close and ran my nose up her neck, finally planting a soft kiss beneath her earlobe. “No baby girl. I always want you. It’s just that right now, I want to hold you tight and watch the water together.”

She smiled at me and finally settled in, sitting between my legs with her back to me. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, my head against hers.

We sat there in silence for about an hour. The repetitive movement of the water, and the warm vanilla scent of her hair lulling me nearly to sleep. We didn’t talk. We didn’t plan, or worry. We just shared the moment together.

Chapter 36
The door to my apartment swung closed behind me with a clack. The apartment smelled stale after so long empty, like a tired thing that had lost its purpose. I smiled a little to be back home right before a pang of loneliness smashed its way through my heart.

I went into the bedroom, I couldn’t bring myself to try and upsell it into a living room, and dropped my bags by the door to the closet. Everything left inside was strewn about from Karly’s hasty packing…

A part of me wanted to be annoyed with her about the mess I would need to clean up, but I just couldn’t bring myself to be mad at her. I missed her already. She’d only dropped me off a few minutes ago and I already missed her like it had been months since I had seen her. Somewhere deep in my heart I realized it wasn’t her I missed per se, it more the sense of returning to loneliness after so long spent around people that cared about me, that talked with me, that wanted me around. For some reason coming home alone made me feel like I imagined all of that…

I dropped into my bed and curled into a ball, pulling my pillow deep around my head and wrapping my covers around myself. It was far too early for me to go to bed normally, but I could feel my mind slipping into a deep, dark pit and I didn’t want to go there. I didn’t want to feel the pain of being alone. My mind slipped back to all of the times in my life that I had reveled in that feeling. The times that I had pulled the wound open and gleefully jammed my fingers into it just to feel something. The times I had pulled at the wound, watched it bleed and gleefully poked and prodded at that pain. All to prove to myself that I was too strong to let it hurt me.

Now it just hurt.

I woke with a start; my ringing phone having woke me. I found nothing but darkness. Somehow, I had just drifted off, like my brain had thrown a switch to avoid plunging into the darkness. I curled my legs into my chest and held them, feeling the rough denim of my jeans scratching beneath my hands. I wanted so badly to just will myself off to sleep again, to reach out and answer the phone, to reach out and find anyone, anything that wanted me.

Sleep would not come. I felt my mind scrambling around in that dark place where I keep my secrets. Turning over the bones of old skeletons looking for something to latch onto. Some old hurt to pull out and live like an old movie. I tried to make it stop but it sniffed around in the dark corners of my mind. Finally, I settled on an old memory…

I was sitting alone in the shitty little house, in the shitty part of town. The cable had been turned off. We had no antennae to get off air channels. We had no movies. I remember wanting so badly to be able to turn on some voices just to feel like I wasn’t truly alone. I went looking through the garage to see if I could find an old radio, but it was late, and dark and I didn’t have a flashlight so I couldn’t see anything.

Tears fell from my eyes as I went back to that moment… I tried so hard to pull myself back from that edge. The better part of my mind screamed that I should call Karly. I should tell her that I was lonely.

I couldn’t do that. I needed to get through this on my own. I was alone now.

I went back into the house, rushing a little bit in my fear of what the darkness might have held should I stay outside. Nightmare creatures with their gleaming teeth and dripping red nails.

Going into my room I found an old book I had stolen from the library at my previous school. It was the only book I owned and I had read it over and over again in the past few days in an effort to keep my restless mind pacing, to try to keep myself engaged with something in the world beyond my own thoughts.

I went into the living room and looked at the big pit bull laying on the couch. Tera. She was brown, brindled with black slashes through her fur. She looked at me with her big brown eyes and I felt a deep sense of love and protection settle over me. I went to her and lay down, nestling myself around her back and pillowing my head on her neck. My small fingers settled over her fur, soft and short as only a pit’s fur was.

My hand settled over the stump where her foreleg used to be and I rubbed there. That spot seemed to bother her and she always like it when I massaged it for her. I twisted a bit and wrapped my arms around her neck, pushing my face into her neck, like I could burrow into her and somehow feel safer.

A pang of the deepest sorrow stabbed through me and I pulled her closer to me, tears falling hot and wet from my eyes and onto her beautiful face.

You left her to that life my mind whispered to me. You ran off to safety and just left her there…

I found myself rocking in my little apartment then. Tears streaming down my face as I remembered how I had once again left my only friend. How I had abandoned her. How when I was alone and she was all that I had, she was always there. How I had looked for something better for only myself and how I had just abandoned her to that fate…

I knew that the cruelty I had heaped on her then was why I deserved to be alone now… There was also a bill to be paid. The world always found balance.

My tears fell on her and she turned, her brown eyes pulling me into their depths, sucking the pain from my soul. I told her how lonely I was. How she was the only one I had. Her giant tongue rasped out and licked across my face, wiping my tears away and somehow making me feel just a little bit safer. Like the darkness outside and inside would run away from this big dog with a heart of gold. I pulled her in closer and sobbed into her head, wrapping my little body around her. It must have been ungodly uncomfortable for her, but she knew that in that moment I needed her to be my rock and she gave without consideration.

My phone was ringing…

I knew it must be Karly but I didn’t answer it.

A part of me screamed that there was a life raft right there and all I needed to do was reach out and take it…

My mind was still wrapped up in that moment of loneliness all those years ago with my friend Tera.

You don’t deserve happiness. You are a false friend who has turned on every true friend you have ever had. You don’t deserve to be anything but alone… The voice whispered into the back of my mind.

The phone rang again. I ignored it while I thought of all the times that Tera had been there for me. How she used to run around in the back yard, carrying some stick I had thrown for her, running after a thrown tennis ball, bouncing along with her three legs like the world hadn’t screwed her over by taking her leg from her. She always seemed so happy, or at least she was as long as I was happy.

When I was sad she stared at me with her big soulful eyes and willed her strength into me.

My phone rang a third time.

I thought of the time that Nelson had attacked me. That he had hit me. I remember how Tera, his dog, had jumped on him and bit his arm. He swung her around and slammed her against the wall. Her squeal of pain and terror as her master turned on her.

I was rocking in my bed as my phone starting chirping, text messages coming in.

I remember her limping as he kicked her in the side, how she had howled in pain as I dove over her and protected her. Her trembling flank and the warm wet urine that splashed through my clothing as I screamed and cried to protect my friend.

My phone was lighting up enough that I finally scooped it up. I wiped at both my eyes as I struggled to unlock it and read the messages. The last one finally got my attention.

Call me right now or I’m coming over.

It was Karly.

I pushed myself up the wall and wiped the tears from my face and sniffled the snot from my nose. I took a couple of deep breaths and swiped through the rest of the messages. Mostly that she was worried and that I needed to call her.

I pushed the shortcut button from my home screen and heard her phone starting to ring. She picked it up after the third ring.

“I’m coming over.” She announced as she picked up the phone.

I pawed at my eyes, ashamed of my tears as I answered her. “No. Don’t. I’m okay.”

I could feel her rage through the phone line. “Really? You don’t sound okay.”

I took a deep breath. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

The line went silent, so silent I was sure she had hung up on me and was on her way over. “Please don’t lie to me.”

My heart bled at having her voice filled with so much pain. I shook my head even though she couldn’t see how disappointed in myself I was. “I’m not lying. I’m okay. I fell into a dark spot, but I’m better now.”

She sighed into the phone. “Goddamn it Gabby, it doesn’t work like that. It doesn’t just go away because you want it to. Your mind doesn’t just bounce back because you want it to.”

I smiled, knowing in my heart that she was right, but also realizing that if I didn’t want to be a blubbering mess I needed to figure out a way to work through these dark spells on my own. She wasn’t always going to be there for me. She couldn’t be, and I needed to work out a way to get through these spots on my own. “Baby girl. I love you, but you can’t fix this for me. I have to work it out on my own sometimes. I won’t be so weak that I need to run like a child and seek comfort every time my mind starts to slip.”

She was really angry now. “And how are you doing that? What did you do tonight?”

I felt bad for having let her down. “Nothing. I fell in a hole and just couldn’t fight my way out. I’m sorry.”

She growled at me. “Don’t be sorry. Goddamn it Gabby! How can such a smart person be so dumb so often?”

I didn’t have an answer for that… truly I sensed that she really didn’t want an answer so I kept my mouth shut.

“Baby. You can’t do it all on your own. Yeah, sometimes you start to fall into a hole and you can pull yourself out, but sometimes you fall in and you need some help. Let me help you. I can’t be there to watch you every single second, so when it goes sideways I need you to call me and let me help.” I could hear the panic in her voice.

It dawned on me then. She wasn’t mad at me. She was worried about me. She was worried and that terrified her. Most likely she thought I might hurt myself if I fell too deep into the hole.

“Okay. I will. Next time I’ll call.” I promised her.

“Tell me.” She ordered.

“Tell you what?”

“Where did your mind go?”

I was silent for a while. My mind didn’t want to go back to that place. I had found my light now and I didn’t want to go back into the darkness. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Tell me or I’m coming over and you can tell me then.”

I shook my head at my own stupidity. “When I was little, my mom left me a lot. Remember how I told you that she dated this piece of shit and sometimes he’d leave his dog with me?”

“Yeah.”

I sighed, “Well tonight I started thinking about how she would keep me company, and then I started to feel like shit because I left here there when my dad finally stepped in and took me away.”

“Oh, honey. That wasn’t your fault.”

That made me angry. It was someone’s fault! “It was though. I should have insisted my dad bring her along, or I should have stayed for her. I should have thought of something!”

She was quiet a long time. “How old were you when this happened?”

“Nine.”

“Oh, my god hun. How were you supposed to solve that problem?”

“I would solve it now.”

“And you’re an adult now. That’s the difference between and adult and a child. A child can’t do anything about something like that. An adult can. When that happened, you had no choice but to accept whatever port you could find and live with the consequences of it. Now, as an adult, you’re able to make your own decisions. This time when you walked out you found a way to take care of yourself. You didn’t have that luxury then. You can’t control everything and you especially can’t control it when you’re a kid. You did the best thing you could and I’m sure that dog is happy that someone took care of you.”

That made me even angrier…

“So, what? So, someone took care of me. I’m pretty sure that dog went from having me to having nobody. I’m pretty fucking sure that she wasn’t just happy for me. I’m pretty sure she felt like the only person in the world that seemed to give a shit about her just disappeared one day. I’m pretty sure she laid there and felt the deepest, purest sense of loneliness this world has ever known and I’m sure not a single goddamn person in the world gave the tiniest of little shits about it…” My anger grew by leaps and bounds… “And no matter what you say I know that I could have done something about it. So, I left. I got a little more food. I got to be around someone that terrified me every moment I was with them. I wasn’t any happier. I wasn’t any less alone. All I did was trade one cell for another and I left her behind when I did it.”

She sighed. “I know it’s hard babe. I know you want to take responsibility for every last little thing in the world but sometimes all we have are shitty choices. I know that you do the best you can every day, and that’s all you can do. Sometimes you can help, and sometimes you can’t.”

I bumped my head against the wall. I knew she was right, but it still felt so wrong…

It felt like the world should be a better place. Like people should care more. I knew that wasn’t going to happen. As often as people liked to talk about being great people and caring, and loving one another, posting some inane shit on the internet about how the world was full of puppies and rainbows, more often than not, it was filled with lonely dogs and frightened children.

I was quiet for a long time…

“Are you still there?” her voice cut through the darkness.

“Yeah.” My voice was a horse whisper.

“Dammit babe, I don’t know what to do to help you.” I could feel the pain in her voice and it just made me feel worse about myself…

“There’s nothing you can do. This is just the way I am, and I have to learn to live with it.”

Now it was her turn to be silent for a long time. “That’s it, I’m coming over. I’m going to stay the night.”

I sighed. As much as I ached for her to be there I knew she couldn’t come over. That way lie madness for me. If I couldn’t get through one night on my own there was no way I would ever be able to staple the shattered portions of my mind back together.

“Look, this is going to sound like an asshole thing to say, but I can’t have you here tonight. I need to get through this on my own. I used to be able to do it without any trouble. Now, since I’ve found you in my life I’m falling apart at the seams. I need to get over that.”

She sighed. “It isn’t that you aren’t as tough today as you were then babe. It’s just that then you were simply pushing it down so deep you didn’t feel it. Now, with everything else going on in your life it’s bubbling over. You just need someone to help you through it.”

I lay back down, curling up again. A yawn forced itself through me. “I love you baby girl, but I’m tired. I’m going to go to sleep.”

She sighed at me again. “Why do I feel like I can’t trust you? I’m so freaked out right now that you’re going to hang up on me and go right back to that dark hole…”

I smiled a little bit at the spark of happiness I felt at her worrying for me. I knew then that she loved me as much as I loved her…

“I’ll be a good boy. I’ll just go to sleep.” I assured her.

“I’m so freaked out right now… How many of these episodes have you had when I wasn’t there?”

I shook my head, even though she couldn’t see me. “None.”

“Really?”

I chuckled at her, “Really. I mean I used to get down, maybe I’d feel like shit and I’d go out in the middle of the night and walk the neighborhood and feel sorry for myself, but nothing like this.”

“Do you have practice tomorrow?”

The sudden shift of topic threw me off.

“Yeah.”

“Want to have breakfast with me? I could pick you up and we could go out and then I could take you to practice.”

I smiled a little bit at the thought. She wasn’t going to like my answer though. “No thanks. You know I don’t like to eat before practice.” I paused, trying to gather my thoughts to try and soften the blow. “Joe is going to come get me in the morning. It’s been too long since I hung out with my friends…”

She was quiet for a moment. It was the first time I had rejected her in favor of hanging out with my friends. I was curious how she was going to take it…

“We’ve kind of become that super clingy couple, haven’t we?” She finally said.

I smiled. “Yeah, a little bit, and I’m okay with that, but Joe texted me on the way home and he seemed really lonely. I need to put in some time with my friends…”

“I understand. I probably should do that too.”

I smiled at the thought of her hanging out with her friends, even if there was a pang of jealousy that snapped through me. I knew it was important for her to have people besides me and her parents in her life. Just as it was important for me to have people besides her.

“Will you stay with me on the phone until you fall asleep?” She finally asked.

I knew it was that she didn’t trust me. She was too worried I would fall into the hole and she wouldn’t be able to help me. I didn’t like it. I wanted her to trust me, but I also knew my mind wasn’t working right. I wasn’t to be trusted.

“Sure.” I conceded.

“And you’ll promise me that you’ll talk to me if you need me?”

I nodded my head, even though she couldn’t see me. “I don’t want to keep you up. Please don’t just sit there and stare at the phone…”

She laughed and I felt a stab of joy smash through the clouds of my heart, “I’m just going to do some reading babe. I can read with you on the line, just so I can make sure you get off to dreamland safe.”

I was half awake. Sleep was coming up on me fast. “Okay…” I mumbled.

Chapter 37
Practice was brutal. After having a few days off I was sore all over as Joe drove out of the parking lot. Joe was quiet. Maybe he was just tired. He seemed a little pissed off at me. I alternated between looking out the window and looking at him, just trying to give him a minute to gather his thoughts before he lit me up.

I was rewarded with more silence almost all the way home. “Did I piss you off?” I finally asked him.

He glanced at me sideways, shaking his head at me. “No.”

“Look man, I know I took that long ass trip, and I haven’t been around. I want to make sure you and the other guys know, I’m not ditching you or anything. I mean Karly and I are still trying to figure this whole thing out. I know I haven’t been around much.” I felt super awkward even bringing it up.

He just shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”

I didn’t know what else to say. How to make him be not mad at me anymore. How could I make him understand how important he was to me? How much he meant to me?

“Look man. I already talked to Karly. With both agreed that it’s great to hang out with each other but we can’t freeze our friends out. Maybe we could do something tonight? Maybe you and me and the guys. Just hang out, maybe go out for coffee?” I told him as we pulled up in front of my place.

He looked at me and I could tell he was pissed. “Sure, I’ll talk to the guys and we’ll call you.”

“Okay man.” I hit him on the arm. “Just call me and let me know.”

I went inside and texted Karly and let her know I was going to go out with the guys tonight. She told me that she loved me and let me know she was going to go out with her friends too.

I was really happy for her.

I was also excited to hang out with the guys.

I should have known better.

Things never stayed good for very long…

I waited through the entire evening for a call that never came. I came up with busybody work, shoveling away the snow that had piled up while I was out of town, cleaning my apartment, cooking a small meal for myself. The entire time I kept my phone on me, hoping for a call that never came.

I tried to call them. I texted them. I got nothing but a stone wall. Nobody answered. Nobody responded. I realized then that they had decided to freeze me out the way I had done with them.

It really hurt.

Finally, about eight that night I decided to go and catch a movie. It was a good couple mile walk and I would be going to the late show, but somehow that seemed okay. At least it was certainly a hell of a lot better than sitting here and staring at the walls by myself.

The walk was long and cold. Mostly it was lonely. The movie was good, but sucked because I was alone. Karly texted me just as I got to the theater and asked if I was having fun. I didn’t want to ruin her night so I lied to her and told her I was. I let her know I was at the movies… which while technically true wasn’t exactly honest. I knew I was hedging the truth to keep her from pitying me…

I walked home alone. It was nearly midnight. The neighborhood wasn’t really great. It was freezing cold, and I was lonely, but it was okay too. I had made this bed. I had pushed my friends away. I deserved this.

I wanted to be angry at them, but I hated myself too much right then to focus my anger.

I found myself ducking down the darker side streets. Hoping that I would meet someone looking for trouble. I was bristling for a fight, for something to distract me from my pain. I really wanted to hurt someone right now…

The streetlights were pools of occasional light in that long dark walk home…

The solitary walk made me really start thinking about the friendships I had developed over the years. I realized how many times I had been left alone. I realized, except for a few times when Joe had reached out to me, and a few special occasions like my birthday it was always me that reached out to them. I started to realize that I was outside that group. It made me realize that I was just a hanger on. These people that I put my hopes on didn’t really care for me, they just sort of tolerated me.

It wasn’t a pretty realization, but I knew in my heart that it was the truth. I had attached myself to the group, and that realization made me realize how pathetic I had been. So many things came into focus for me. I started to realize that events that I had took for intergroup squabbling were really a subtle communication that I wasn’t wanted. People were tolerating me, not hanging out for me because they valued me…

I walked on in the night, spoiling for a fight, for something that I could tear apart to alleviate the pain I felt in my heart.

I never found the fight I was spoiling for… all I found was more loneliness…

Chapter 38
I got up early the next morning. I needed to catch the bus to practice. I was starting to look forward to going back to school. Being alone sucked. It sucked bad, and at least in school I had something to occupy my black mind.

Joe texted me as I got on the bus, asking if I needed a ride. I really wanted to tell him to go fuck himself. I settled with telling him I was good.

I got to practice super early. Before the doors were unlocked. Before coach arrived. I went around to the teacher’s entrance of the school and sat down next to the doors, hunkered in the alcove to avoid the wind and the cold. I sat there, brooding on my pain for the better part of an hour before he showed up. Once again, the shitty bus schedule screwed me over and I needed to be there almost two hours before practice in order for the schedules to line up. If I had caught the next bus I would have been late for practice.

A part of me knew I should have called Karly and asked her for a ride. Another part of me didn’t want to admit to her what had happened. I was embarrassed at the situation, and even more embarrassed at my response to it.

I smiled up at coach as he walked up, “Here a little early aren’t you kiddo?”

My smile cracked and I almost lost my mask. I put my hand over my eyes as I tried to cover the fact that I had nearly burst into tears. I felt so alone again…

I forced a painful smile onto my face. “Kind of fighting with my friends I guess… I had to ride the bus this morning. In order to not be late I have to get here this early.”

A pained expression crossed his face. “Karly?”

I bit my lip, still sitting on the ground at his feet and locked my gaze on the ground, “No, she’s great. The guys are just kind of pissed at me. Spending too much time with my girlfriend and now with them.”

A look of pure disgust crossed his face.

I knew he was disgusted with me. I was disgusted with me too. I was so weak. I should be able to handle this. I should be able to push past this. I had been alone before. Now was no different.

I stood hastily and pulled my bag over my shoulders.

He put a hand on my shoulder and I stepped back. It felt like someone had dropped a bag of maggots over my head…

My eyes stayed on the ground. I could sense him shaking his head at me. He kept his hands off me though…

“Kiddo.” He paused and sighed, a long weary sigh. Finally, he started to fumble with his keys at the door. He was as much at a loss for words as I was. He opened the door and I started to step through. I made it a few steps into the school and he stopped me. “Kiddo.”

I turned and looked at him.

His eyes got angry. “Friends don’t pull that shit.” He shook his head wearily. “Look, maybe I should stay out of it.” He put his hands on his hips, and I could see him come to some decision. “Look kid. Life sucks. It sucks worse when you don’t have anyone to share it with.” His eyes bored into me. “But it sucks the worst when you trust people that don’t deserve that trust. Those people are what make things fall apart.” His eyes narrowed as he tried to see if his words were really sinking in. “It’s not my place to tell you who to spend your energy on, but take it from me. Don’t waste time on people who aren’t there for you when you need them and sure as hell be very careful about who you walk away from. Keep the people in your life that prioritize you, and walk away from the ones that don’t.”

I nodded my head tiredly, hooking a thumb over my shoulder. “I’m gonna run the halls for a while. I need to get my head straight before practice.”

I could tell by the look on his face I had failed some unseen test. He looked really disappointed in me…

He returned my tired nod. “Okay kiddo. I’ll be upstairs getting things ready.”

I ran for about forty minutes, and then I found a quiet place to sit down and think. My mind was awash in emotions. I was angry, and sad, and lonely and very, very confused. I was also tired. I was tired of putting on a brave face. I was tired of people pissing on me. I was tired of pretending that I didn’t care. It all hurt too much.

I was tired of people turning their back on me, and more than anything I was tired of caring that they did. I decided right then and there that I wasn’t going to waste any more time on people who couldn’t treat me right.

Were my friends right to be pissed at me? Absolutely.

Was it also understandable that I had gotten a little too wrapped up in my first girlfriend? Absolutely.

Neither of us were right, but true friends would have come and said something. They would have given me a chance to explain my side of things, to apologize, to realize that I was hurting people I cared about. True friends don’t freeze you out.

I went on a trip for god’s sake. They went on trips with their family all the time, and I was expected to wait patiently like a good dog and keep my eyes on the door.

I got up and walked upstairs to the practice room.

My friends sat in a small circle, all huddled up around Sep.

Joe tried to greet me. It was awkward but it was an attempt. Maybe he realized that he had stepped a little too far from how I had reacted about him asking if I needed a ride. I just shook my head at him. With all the rest of them I could understand their petty behavior. From him though… he was supposed to be my best friend. But he had chosen them over me.

I knew where I stood.

Sep gave me a superior look as I walked up to them. I guess he was expecting me to come crawling over begging for his approval.

He was in for a surprise. I stopped and put my hands on my hips. I met each one of their eyes. “Fuck,” I pointed to each of them in turn, “each and every one of you guys.” I shook my head in disgust at them. I wanted to say more, to really lay into them but I realized that was just petty. I could see anger in their faces.

Sep opened his mouth to say something and I cut him off. “Just fucking save it.” I shrugged. “You put me in my place all right.” I shook my head in disgust, “Let me save you the time and trouble of doing it again. I’m done with each and every one of you shitbags.”

Without another word, I turned and walked away from them.

Joe ran up next to me, “Dude, I’m sorry- “. He made the mistake of putting his hand on me to stop me.

I turned and for the first time I was really tempted to hit one of them. The rest of them I could understand. Not Joe. Joe had been a good friend to me, but I had been a damn good friend to him too. For the rest of them, their choices were simple pettiness. For him to have walked away from me like that was pure vindictiveness.

I cut him off. “Save it.” I pointed back to the others. “Your friends are over there now. Leave me alone.” My eyes narrowed. “I know you know how to, you did it perfectly last night.”

I could see the hurt on his face. A part of me really wanted to take it back, just to make him not hurt the way that I had hurt him. I knew it would be a mistake though. He needed to understand. Some lines should not be crossed. I had screwed up and had spent less time with him. I had made a mistake, but it was done due to a lack of understanding. It was an oversight on my part, one I would have immediately corrected had I known. He knew what he was doing to me when he did it. He knew how much freezing me out was going to hurt me. How much damage it was going to do to my mind. He did it anyway.

I just shook my head at him and walked away.

Normally, I wrestled with Joe. That day, I took one of the other heavyweights aside and wrestled with him. Shawn was a great guy. Jovial, and good natured. He was tough, and much stronger than Joe. He wasn’t nearly as fast but he put me through my paces.

I never had a better practice than I did that day. I worked harder, and through teaching Shawn I got much more detail and thought out of the practice. I slowed things down for Shawn, showing him how I was doing things and why I selected the moves I did against him. Shawn showed immediate improvement in the practice matches we had through the course of practice.

The more I worked with him the more I started to feel like an asshole. Shawn was a good guy, and he had to wrestle me every week as a part of challenge matches. I destroyed him every match.

As I worked with him I started to realize that the main reason I avoided practicing with him was that I was intimidated by him. He was bigger than me. Stronger in his own way, though he was a year younger than me. He was stronger now than I was last year. The more I worked with him the more I realized that I had avoided wrestling with him because I was scared he would learn my tricks and use them against me.

He would take my spot.

Now I realized that was unlikely, and by not wrestling against him I was not only robbing myself of the opportunity to improve my own skills against someone in my weight class… I was robbing him of the opportunity to get better by wrestling the best opponent available to him.

I resolved to correct that mistake.

I only wrestled Shawn for one of the three practice matches, opting instead to wrestle coach for one match and one of the assistant coaches for the other. As grown men, big men, with a lot more experience than me both were more than my match. I realized when I was done that I was to Shawn what they were to me. I realized that by wrestling against them I really improved my skill, as Shawn’s skill would improve by wrestling me.

I also realized that I really loved teaching and that it gave me a much better understanding of what I was doing and why. It made me think over my choices. Wrestling, I realized, was a sport of immediacy. You reacted to the situation with very little thought. You threw the choices out to muscle memory the vast majority of the time. It left very little time for reflection, but teaching wrestling forced one to put their mind in a place of reflection, to relive the match and go back over each choice.

When practice was over I avoided my friends, grabbed a quick shower and started to head out. Normally I would beg a ride off of one of them. Today, I decided, I would just walk to the nearest bus depot and ride the bus home…

Walking by Coach’s office he asked me to step in. I was a little worried he might be upset with me…

He smiled as he closed the door. “Saw you working with Shawn today. How’d that go?”

I smiled back, “Good.”

I thought about it for a moment. “In fact, better than I would have thought. Shawn is a good guy, and it’s much harder to wrestle him than Joe. I think I got more out of it.”

Coach went and sat at his desk, indicating I should take a seat on his ratty old couch.

I sat and looked at him expectantly.

He thought for a moment. “I think he got more out of it too.”

I smiled, though I was a little embarrassed. “Truthfully coach I realized today that I was avoiding him. He’s a good wrestler. Better than I was last year at his age. I think I’ve always avoided working with him because I was worried he’d take my spot if I showed him my tricks.”

Coach looked at me like I was stupid. “Is that such a bad thing?”

I shrugged. “Not really. I think it was just my stupid pride that I was worried about.”

Coach frowned. “Gabby, I don’t think there’s much risk of Shawn taking your spot. In fact, I think you’re going to get a lot more out of working with Shawn than you will out of any of the other guys. You can’t just beat on Shawn. I mean I watched you in your practice match with him, and you gave him hell like you always do, but he’s bigger than you, and tougher than any of the other guys. I know you like to think of yourself as a hard ass but my experience with you is that you’re like a pit bull. A nightmare for people who you don’t know or don’t care about, but pretty gentle with those you care about. You’re a natural leader and in my experience with you you’ve always held back on your teammates.”

He continued, “You remember that girl last year that joined the team? You remember how I asked you to wrestle with her?”

I nodded. The girl’s name was Amber. She seemed like a really nice girl, even if she was a little on the naïve side when she joined the team. “Yeah. She wrestled with me one day and then quit. I always felt bad about that. Like maybe I was too hard on her, like I discouraged her.”

He nodded. “You know why I asked you to wrestle with her?”

I shook my head. “No, sir.”

He looked me dead in the eye. “Because I knew you would be a gentleman with her. Wrestling is a sport that is dominated by men. Don’t get me wrong, I admire the hell out of any girl that has the guts to show up and wrestle, but I know it is one of the hardest goddamn things anyone can ever do. I put her with you because I knew you wouldn’t get grabby. I really wanted her to stay on the team and having some guy beat on her while he felt her up was going to make that impossible. I also knew you wouldn’t hurt her. You’d be tough on her, yes. But you would never hurt her.”

He gave me an appraising look. “With Joe, you hold back because you know on some level if you open the throttle up on him you’ll hurt him. That you have gotten as good as you have says a lot about you considering you’re pretty much always holding back in practice. With Shawn, you have to open it up a lot more. Give him hell. Beat him into the floor and make him come back asking for more. He’s not going to hold back on you…”

I looked at the floor, embarrassed that I had been slacking.

“I think you’re right. I have been coasting. I’m sorry. I’ll do better.”

He shook his head at me. “Don’t take me wrong. You just won an enormous tournament. Apparently, what you’re doing works. This, I think, is just a better fit for you.”

I smiled at him. “I think so too.”

He folded his hands and looked at me appraisingly. “I also saw you taking time to teach him. How’d you like that?”

I smiled, “I really liked it. It felt like I got more out of showing him the steps of how to do something than I do out of just repeating the same motions over and over. In fact, he was struggling with a transition on one of the throws I was showing him and I switched it up from an overhook to and underhook and I feel like it feels better, like it works better that way. I wouldn’t have thought of that had I not been teaching him.”

He pointed a finger at me. “And that’s the other thing I was going to talk to you about. Teaching is the ultimate mastery. You can do the same things over and over, but you really start to understand what you’re doing when you start showing someone else how to replicate it.”

I nodded, trying to soak up the lesson.

He gave me a wry look. “Tomorrow, I want you to put on a clinic for the team on upper body throws, can you do that?”

I looked at him in shock. “Coach, you hate upper body throws. I still remember how pissed you were at me when I started using them.”

He smiled at me. “Even an old dog can learn a new trick. I want you to emphasize that they are risky, but I also want you to show the guys how to mitigate those risks. It’s a good arrow for each of them to have in their quiver. I saw that while we were in Reno. Without being able to throw that guy to his back you would have lost that match. You’d have ended up in third as opposed to first. There are times when things get desperate and you have to do something stupid.”

I nodded at him. “Will do.”

He motioned to the door and I knew it was time for me to go.

I grabbed my bag and started for the door. He stopped me.

“You going to be okay?” He asked me quietly.

I knew what he was talking about. Telling my friends off was like a dagger in my chest. I turned and nearly started to cry. I felt ashamed at that…

I really wanted to be tough, but the truth was I had just sheared off a big part of my life. I was more alone now than I was this morning, and that was saying something…

I nodded dumbly. “I’ll be okay.”

Coach sighed. “Kiddo, I want to help you. I really do, but you’re in a really shitty spot. I know you want to seem tough all the time but you seem pretty beat up. There are people out there that really do care about you. Make good decisions about who you surround yourself with, and make sure that they are worth the attention you give them.”

I forced a smile on my face and nodded, “I will coach.”

I started to turn for the door. “You’re a good kid Gabby. Keep remembering that.”

I looked at him, then at the ground. “Thanks coach.”

Joe was waiting for me in the locker room. He looked miserable. I closed the door to coach’s office. I really didn’t want to lay any other baggage on him.

Joe started to open his mouth and I stopped him. “Please just save it.”

He looked pained, but I could see the anger in his eyes flash up. I knew he was hurt, but I also didn’t care. I really didn’t want to hear his excuse for abandoning me.

I saw him waiver between anger and sorrow. He settled on anger. “I just wanted you to understand how it felt.”

Looking him dead in the eye I cut to the heart of it. “Great job. We’ve been friends for years, and because I didn’t make you the center of my life for two weeks you stuck it to me.”

I realized then how many times my “friends” had done something like this to me. How many times I could have used a friendly face. How many times one of them could have just showed up at my house and asked if I wanted to hang. Every time I had to reach out to them, Joe included.

I looked back over the years and started to realize that we weren’t really friends, just a loose assortment of people that got together to avoid being alone. Over the years, we started to lie to ourselves and tell ourselves we were friends. I was always an outsider in a group of outsiders. I looked back and thought about how the core of our group had come together. Freshmen year of high school, Joe, Sep and myself had found ourselves on the edges of the football team together. Outcasts, people that would not normally be considered popular forcing ourselves into this social situation. We came together because we were the three guys who had nobody else on the team to watch out for them.

Over the years out group had expanded as we tacked on the few friends each of us had made. Now, the group was different, but it was still borne out of the same dysfunction…

Without a car, or a way to inject myself into the group I was left on the fringes each and every time. I was left out of many situations and social activities. I knew that I was a mooch, having to beg and borrow rides to be included, but I was also a loyal friend and I realized now that was not the way that I was treated. I had wanted to lie to myself for that time. To tell myself that I was a part of this group, but the reality was, like in life, I was alone.

I shook my head at Joe. “I was gone on a trip and you all act like I turned on you. I’m sorry I found happiness for a while…”

The words cut Joe to his core. I could see that he wanted to argue with me, but he knew too much about me to not realize what he had done. I could see he wanted to tell me how wrong I was, but in his mind, he realized that what I said was true.

He started to speak and once again I cut him off. “Let’s not pretend anymore. I know I’ve been a mooch. I know you really don’t like me all that much.” I shrugged my shoulders. “In reality I’ve come to realize that you and I don’t hang out because you like me, I’m allowed to hang out with you because you pity me.”

Pain flooded his face. I hated that, but I knew what I was saying was true.

Shaking my head, I told him, “You don’t need to pity me anymore.” I set my jaw. “I’m good. Don’t waste any more time on me.”

With that I turned and walked away.

He called after me. I just kept on walking…

Chapter 39
I found myself walking in the baseball field behind the school. I had sort of blanked out leaving the locker room. One of the few times I had managed to calm my restless mind and send it to a place where I could just be in the moment. Where the worry and the self-doubt went quiet for a little while.

Now all of that came rushing back in and I considered what I was going to do with myself. I decided to do nothing.

Angling off to my left I went over to where the dugout was and climbed down into the hole there. I went off to the side and sat down on the ground, just trying to find a spot to be out of the wind and feel sorry for myself. I sat there in the dirt and considered my life. No family. No real friends. The only real thing I had in my life was Karly.

The shitty part of my mind wanted to throw doubt on that as well, but I would not allow that to happen. If I did I’d open my wrists right there…

I also knew, deep in my heart, the spot that had started to open and make me realize so many of the truths in my life that what I had with her was real.

Nothing I had been realizing lately had been pleasant. My parents were the kind of people that were messed up when they got together. They had popped out a kid and took care of it the best they could but more out of a sense of obligation than out of love.

I wanted to feel bad about that, but realized that I should at least been happy they had taken care of me up to the point that I could fend for myself. It was messed up, but it was still the truth. I could be pissed about it. I could feel sad about it, but neither of those things was going to make the situation better. I realized then that holding on to all that pain was just tearing my mind apart. Better to just let it go.

My friends. We were just ripping and tearing at each other. There, sitting in the dirt alone I realized that what I had always told myself was a lie. They were good people, they just weren’t the right people. Better for all of us if I just cut that cord away and made my way on my own…

I realized that there was a pile of old razorblades made of pain and frustration deep within my mind and all I had been doing was adding more and more to it. I had avoided those dark truths and that meant that every time I reached out I just walked away with a host of new cuts…

I wanted to cry but I realized it wouldn’t help. The very thought made me think back to a theory I had read once…

People cry as a social cue. When we are in pain we cry so that we send a signal to our social group that we need help.

Sitting here and crying for my pain wasn’t helping me. There was no one here to help me… no one but myself, and that meant it was time to get up and start moving…

Chapter 40
I knocked on Karly’s door and waited. It was awkward to just show up here uninvited. I felt like an intruder.

I knew I shouldn’t be feeling like that and decided that I wasn’t going to let it freak me out. It was what is was. I needed her right now, so it was time to go find her.

The equation added up, don’t overthink it.

Marsha opened the door and smiled at me, “Gabby!”

The dark voice in my mind tried to lie to me and tell me that the smile was false. I knew it wasn’t and I told him to shut the fuck up.

I gave her a weak smile in return. “Hello Missus…”

I stopped myself and shook my head, “Marsha.”

My smile grew warmer as I felt more comfortable making fun of myself… “I’m never getting used to calling you Marsha…”

She stepped back and motioned me into the house. “I’ll cut you some slack when it’s just you and me.” She told me wryly.

Her house was quiet… it seemed lonely here.

She looked at me expectantly.

I looked around and cleared my throat, “Is Karly here?”

She shook her head sadly, “Sorry honey. She went shopping with Tish. Just little old me here.”

That hurt a bit. I needed her.

I pushed that down and refused to let it bother me. I wanted Karly to have friends. I wanted her to be happy and have everything in the world she ever wanted. If that meant I had to suffer a bit I would do it gladly.

I guess my disappointment showed.

Marsha caught it. “Do you need help honey?”

I looked into her eyes and realized they were the same emerald green as her daughter’s…

I shook my head, “No. I’m good.”

I didn’t want to keep talking. I made myself.

Shrugging I finally managed to blurt out, “I didn’t get to see her yesterday. I got out of practice and realized I really missed her.”

It wasn’t completely honest, but it was as honest as I wanted to be with this nice lady that had shown me such kindness and understanding. Someone that had shown me nothing but respect and care.

Make yourself be honest, stop pushing away people that care about you. Marsha does care. My brain screamed to me.

“Plus, I’ve had a bad couple of days, I could use a little bit of cheering up, and nothing cheers me up like Karly.”

Marsha surprised me by hugged me tight. “Sorry about that honey.” She whispered in my ear.

When she finally let me go she rubbed my head. “You’re a good kid Gabby. Remember that.”

I smiled at her shyly and nodded. “People keep telling me that. I’ll try to remember though.”

She pulled her phone out, “I’ll call Karly and tell her to come home.”

I reached out and put my hand over her phone. “Please don’t.”

She looked at me and I could see a sense of warning in her eyes. I had touched on a momma bear nerve…

I stumbled on. “I’ll be okay.”

I pulled my own phone out. “I can talk to her myself, but I don’t want to interrupt her time with Tish. I can wait.”

Marsha sighed at me. “You remind me so much of my Joshua…”

She shook her head at me. “He does the same thing. Puts everyone else ahead of his own well-being.”

She tilted her head at me, “You know that’s not good, right?”

I smiled and nodded. “There are times when it is, and times when it isn’t.” I met her eyes directly. “I’ll try to remember to look for those differences.”

I started for the door and she perked up, “Let me grab my keys, I’ll give you a ride home!”

I looked at her in horror. “Nope.” I blurted out.

She looked at me like I had sprouted a third arm.

I finally laughed at how awkward the situation was. “No way I could deal with that awkward car ride. I’ll walk, thanks.”

She rolled her eyes at me.

I took the sting out of what I said by giving her another quick hug.

She let me loose and kept her hands on my upper arms, holding me at arm’s length. “You aren’t going to make me regret letting you out of here on your own, are you?”

I shook my head, “No ma’am. I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.”

She bopped me on the head and pulled me in for another momma bear hug.

Chapter 41
I was on the bus when the text from Karly came in.

Where are you?

I texted her back.

On the bus. I’ll be home in a little while. Call you then.

My mom called me.

I threw my head back on the seat, suddenly exhausted. I really didn’t want to talk about this. Sad as it was to say, I didn’t really want to be around anyone right now. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to crawl back into my hole and have the world stop kicking me for a little while.

I couldn’t do that to Karly though. I was a little embarrassed that she had gotten involved in this…

I asked her not to do that. I didn’t want to interrupt your time with your friends. Don’t worry about it. I’m okay. You don’t need to babysit me. I texted her.

It took a few minutes for her response. Can I come over?

I told her she could and put my phone away.

She got to my place a few minutes after I got there. Her knock was subdued and quiet at the door. I was sitting in my big comfy chair. I didn’t bother to get up, I just called out to her that she could come in. She entered like she was approaching the den of a wild animal…

I was expecting a lecture. Maybe a fight. Instead she came right over, planted herself in my lap and gave me the warmest, kindest kiss she could find.

I didn’t realize how much I needed that until her lips touched mine.

Her lips broke from mine and I sat there quietly, my head pressed back to the chair. Her perfect green eyes bounced back and forth searching my soul for the pain as only she could. She ran her fingers down my face and pressed her fist to my heart, and things felt just a little bit better.

She shook her head at me. “What happened?” she asked me, the sorrow in her voice a palpable thing.

It was almost too much for me. My heart snapped in half and I pulled her into me and hugged her tight. I felt so alone…

She was right to come to me. I had needed her more than I had known. I needed someone right then.

She hugged me back as I tried to get control of the raging river of depression that started to sweep me away.

Tears burned through my closed eyes as I rocked her. “I’m sorry.” I sobbed.

She clung tighter to me. “Shhh…. Don’t be sorry. It’s okay.”

I felt so weak…

“It’s okay.” She whispered.

“I’m so sorry. I’m trying to be tough…”

She kissed my head. “I know baby. I’m sorry.”

I took a few moments and enjoyed the feel of her in my arms, how protected I felt with her arms wrapped around me. I tried to focus on how good she felt, how much I loved her. I tried to control the swirl of emotions in my heart. All of them were like razorblades circling around inside of me…

I tried to calm them… but I could not.

Finally, I did the one thing I could. I flipped the switch in my mind and just made them stop. They hurt too much, so I went to the place where I keep my secrets and I put all of the pain there. I made myself be empty…

I didn’t feel the pain anymore. I didn’t feel the comfort of Karly in my arms. The joy and pride of my little house. The sense of accomplishment I had achieved through so much hard work. I felt nothing.

I took a deep breath and pushed away from Karly, finally looking up into her eyes. Eyes that normally would have been so beautiful to me, eyes that would take my breath away. Now they were just eyes…

She flicked me in the nose.

Hard.

“Knock that shit off.”

My nose was still broken…

The pain snapped me out of it. I pulled her in close and felt a surge of panic snap through me. I shook my head… “I don’t understand.” I finally told her.

“I’m fine.” I assured her.

She pulled back from me and looked at me hard, shaking her head. “Don’t you get it?” She grabbed my head and held it hard. “This is why you’re breaking down, and I understand it. You’re so full of pain that you can’t hide it away any more. Every time things get to be too much you just dump a bunch of gas all over the corridors of your mind, light and match, and step out. You think it resets everything, that it makes the pain go away. It doesn’t.”

She lay her face against mine. It should have felt good, but right now it just felt hollow. “You have to deal with your pain. You can’t just hide it away…”

Her lips brushed mine and something cracked inside me…

I loved her so much…

I pulled her into me and kissed her with every fiber of my being. It was like a gate opened inside me and instead of pain welling out of it I was filled with an overwhelming need for her…

Not physically. I just needed her right then. I needed her to be there with me. To share this pain with me…

My arms wrapped tight around her and I pulled her into me. She returned my kiss with gusto, turning and straddling me, wrapping her arms tight about my neck.

We clung to each other as we kissed…

It was a long kiss…

When we broke, my head fell back and I felt such joy that I couldn’t help but smile.

She looked at me with doubt. “Are you lying to me right now?”

I ran my fingers down her face in our own private little salute. I held my hand to my heart and looked at her, meeting her eyes and making her understand that I was, for once, really and truly being honest with her.

I took a deep breath. It was time to open up. It was time to let go of just a little bit of the pain that I had tried to hide away.

I nodded at her. “I’m good.” I tapped myself on the chest, “It still hurts, but I just realized that it doesn’t have to. I realized I’m not alone, not as long as I have you.”

She grabbed my head between both her hands and shook her head at me. “I really want to say you’re being stupid right now, but I don’t know what happened. Tell me.”

I took a deep breath. “It may seem stupid.”

She pecked me on the nose. “It won’t be stupid.”

I put my hand on her hips and looked up into her beautiful face. “My friends ditched me last night. We were supposed to do something and it turns out that they were pissed at me for spending so much time with you. Instead of talking to me about it, they decided that they would ditch me.”

I could see anger splash over her face.

Then a fair amount of sorrow…

“It made me realize that they can go fuck themselves. I told them as much today at practice.”

I made a wry face, but I kept looking into her eyes, trying to make her understand that I had made the right choice for me in that moment. “I know it may seem extreme… but I need people to be there for me.” I shook my head.

She made a strange face at me, “I don’t understand.”

I threw my head back in my chair and tried to really think about it. It was important that she understood what I was saying. If I didn’t make her understand she would worry…

“You know that feeling that you get when you walk down a flight of stairs and you miss a step? You think you’re at the bottom, but there’s one more step? When you just step out into empty air?”

She raised an eyebrow at me and nodded slowly. “Yeah, I know that feeling.”

“It isn’t the drop that’s a problem, it’s that you expected one thing and got another.” I knew I was explaining it all wrong, but I didn’t know how to say this and make her understand. “I know this is harsh. I know it’s extreme, but right now, I’m better off alone than I am depending on people who are going to let me down.”

The look of sorrow came back into her face.

I shook my head. “Don’t feel bad for me. It hurts, but this is better for me. This hit me so fucking hard because I was already feeling alone and when they turned their backs on me and it just drove me deeper into the hole.”

I grabbed her hips hard and squeezed her. “I can handle this on my own, but I can’t do it with people kicking me while I’m down. Does that make sense?”

She sighed… “I think it does… it really sucks, but it does make sense.”

I wrapped her up in my arms and scooped her up. She wrapped her arms and legs around me as I carried her over to my bed. She clung to me tightly as I lay her down gently, laying myself over the top of her…

My face moved to hers as I lay kisses gently up the side of her neck. She threw her head back and gasped as ran my hands up her sides.

I rolled off her and lay on my side beside her, pulling her body to contour to mine as I finally found her mouth with mine. My hand found its way up beneath her t shirt to the soft skin of her flank and I rubbed against that smooth skin as I worked my way around to her back.

Her hands worked their way across my neck and shoulders, sending delicious waves of pleasure and relaxation through the knotted muscles there. Everything about her, everything she did to me felt delicious.

I wrapped my right arm around beneath her head and pulled her close to me, kissing her lips in small clipping movements, just short little kisses as I repositioned myself between each kiss.

My left hand worked its way up her side, finally tangling in the smooth fabric of her bra…

I knew I didn’t need to ask, but it always felt good to have her tell me I could…

“Can I unwrap my present?”

She ran her nails over the stubble on my face… a look of sudden sadness smashing across her face. She bit her lip and I was suddenly worried…

“I’m on that time of the month…” she whispered.

Her eyes went down, like she was ashamed.

Dawning realization crashed into me. She felt like she was letting me down!

I smiled at her and tilted her chin back up to me so she could see my eyes. Her eyes were wet…

I shook my head at her. “It’s okay baby girl.” I put my hand back on her side and kissed her hard, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her tight against me. Our legs tangled together and we lay there clinging to each other, kissing and massaging each other, simply enjoying each other.

We finally broke and she looked into my eyes… “I could go down on you if you want?” she asked me timidly.

I popped up suddenly, dropping her on her back on the bed and dropped my lips against her neck and blew a raspberry on her neck.

She started giggling and kicking at me, smacking me on the head and generally putting up a pretty weak fight as I continued to blow on her neck. I added in some tickling for good measure, before she stopped me with a wince of pain.

I stopped as I realized I was too rough with her.

It was hard for me to roughhouse gently and I knew sometimes I forgot my own strength…

I lay back down beside her and looked into her eyes, “I’m sorry. I’m like a big clumsy dog with his favorite toy sometimes…”

She ran her fingers over the ridge of my eyes, “Not your fault. Cramps.” She again started to look miserable. “I’m sorry.”

I caught her face before she could start looking down again, realizing her own demons were coming back to haunt her.

I realized then that Mike was probably a huge dick to her when her period came. She was probably really self-conscious about it, and she most likely thought I was going to get pissed at her that I couldn’t have any…

Combine that with the fact that she had always used sex to pull me out of my funks and she was probably really reeling, looking for a way to try to help when she thought she couldn’t.

What she didn’t realize was it wasn’t the sex that pulled me out of my funk, amazing as it was. It was her.

It was her love for me.

It was how she shared herself with me.

It was how when she saw me way down in the dumps she put all of her other worries and concerns aside and put me first.

It was how much I loved her.

I brushed her bangs away from her eyes and looked at her perfect face. I shook my head as I wondered, not for the first time, how I had been so lucky to find the perfect girl for me. How I had been so lucky as to have the perfect girl for me just drop down next to me one night and insist I pay attention to her. That I open my eyes and realize that perfection was right there in front of me if I was just smart enough to open myself up and look at it.

She watched me shake my head at her and finally she got self-conscious about it. “What?”

I ran the middle finger of my hand up her face and across her cheek, “I was just wondering how I was ever going to let you know how much I love your perfect ass.”

She smiled and kissed me, one of those perfect, sensual kisses she knew how to lay on me. The one with just the perfect amount of lips and tongue…

My breath sped up and my hand found its way back down to her side.

Her arms wrapped back around me, pulling me in tight to her…

Suddenly she broke it off, “We should stop.”

I was surprised, wondering what I had done wrong…

I backed off, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. “Okay, what’s wrong?”

My intent wasn’t to pressure her, it was to find out what made her uncomfortable so I wouldn’t do it in the future.

She again looked miserable. She bit her lip and played with my shirt as she stared at my chest. Her body language had curled up and she truly looked uncomfortable. She finally spoke, “I just don’t want you to get too excited. I don’t want you to get mad at me, ‘cause we can’t… you know.”

She forced a smile onto her face and put her hand on my cheek. “I know you’ve had a really bad couple of days… and I wish I could…”

I put a finger over her lips and stopped her before she could even let that stupid thought escape her lips. I shook my head at her. “You’re not my fucktoy, and you sure as fuck ain’t my stress ball to squeeze on every time I have a bad day.”

Pulling her tight against me her body language opened up and she relaxed almost immediately. She smiled at me…

I put my nose close to hers and inhaled her scent, just luxuriating in the feel of her so close to me. I felt the fire she stirred in me rage up and stir around inside my body…

Forcing it back down under control I opened my eyes and looked at her seriously, “I appreciate you sharing your body with me, but it isn’t something I’m owed.”

I kissed her lips gently.

I shook my head at her, “You are so perfect.”

She smiled at me shyly.

I moved my face down the hollow of her neck, allowing my hot breath to move across the sensitive flesh there…

She threw her head back and arched her back, feeling my energy.

My left hand ran over her side as I ran my face close to her neck and her face. I never once kissed her, never pushed her any closer to anything sexual. I wanted her to feel what I felt for her. How good she made me feel just by being close.

I finally settled by rubbing my nose against hers. Her back slammed down on the bed, her eyes opened and came back into focus.

She managed to meet my gaze.

“See, doesn’t that feel delicious?” I asked her.

She nodded her head drunkenly.

I knew I had her. She wanted me so badly she would have done anything for me right then, and been happy to do it.

I cradled my body over hers and kissed her gently. “I love this…”

She was panting, “Love what?”

“Just feeling you. I know I can’t have you right now but this feels so much more delicious because of that.” I met her eyes so she would know I was telling her the truth…

“I wanted to have sex with you, not so I could get off… I wanted to feel you.”

I put my face close to hers and let the fire of my hormones flare back up. Something about that feeling inside of me must have been communicated to her as she once again clutched me and started to arch her back. Her breath sped back up and she wrapped her fingers in the arm of my shirt, pulling me into her harder. I slid between her legs and pressed my body into hers gently. I wasn’t sure what would make her uncomfortable so I took it extremely slowly and just slowly ground my hips into hers as I kissed at her neck and ran my nose up the side of her neck and jaw.

She moaned as I pressed my hips into hers and I took that as a sign she was enjoying herself. I ran my cheek against hers and I pressed myself into her again, rubbing the stubble of my face against her smooth skin. She arched her back harder and pulled me into her desperately. My mouth found hers and I kissed her sensuously. She moaned desperately as I pushed myself into her and enjoyed the feel of our bodies against one another.

I snuck a quick peek at her as we moved in time with each other. I wanted to make sure she was enjoying herself…

She was.

I realized what a disservice we had done ourselves there by jumping to sex as quick as we had.

We had missed out on the beauty and joy of awkwardly exploring each other. Of the long make out sessions that most couples enjoyed as they tried to convince themselves that having sex was okay.

She was panting in pure ecstasy as I started to bring her back down slowly. I slowed my kissing and the grinding of my hips into hers. I wanted her to feel comfortable and pushing too far too fast was going to ruin that, and there was no way I was going to ruin this perfect moment…

I slid back to her side as she finally came fully back into herself, her eyes suddenly coming back into focus…

She smiled at me, “You are so getting your dick sucked right now…”

I laughed and kissed her, shaking my head at her. “No, I’m not.”

I pulled her in closer to take the sting out of it. “I’m cut off until we can both enjoy it together.”

She kissed me hard and forced herself playfully on top of me. She raised up and ground her hips on mine, sending a shiver of delicious pleasure through me. A wicked smile slid onto her face as she spread her fingers across my chest and ground herself into me again.

It was my turn to arch my back and lose myself…

With a growl, I was able to pull myself back and force my back and hips down. I tried to breath deep as my desire for her raged within me anew.

She saw me pull myself back together and I knew I was screwed… maybe not literally, but screwed all the same.

She took it as a challenge…

“What if I say you’re not cut off?” She purred.

I almost lost control. I almost rolled her over right there and tore her clothes off, time of the month or no.

I instead laughed nervously. “Baby girl, I’m good. I had fun. I just want to be with you right now.”

There was a mix of strange emotions in her eyes. Love for certain. Anger, which was surprising. Lust, and a ton of that. Most satisfying was a beautiful look of playfulness.

I knew then I was done. She was going to drive me over the edge and take me wherever she wanted to take me.

She bit her lip and threw her head back, rubbing herself aggressively into me again. It felt so delicious I simply let my head fall back.

Then I figured, what the hell. I was going to give her a fight. Let’s see what kind of a show she could put on.

I grabbed her hips and started to push myself up.

She ground her teeth, put her hands on my shoulders and threw the weight of her upper body on me, forcing my back down onto the bed.

She shook her head at me, “Face it big boy. You’ve lost. Just lay there and enjoy it.”

I ground my teeth at her and shook my head. “Not gonna happen.” I threw a little cocky into the mix. “I’m too tough for you.”

She threw her head back and laughed. Off came her shirt.

I was so fucked.

She put her hands on her hips… “Still think you’re too tough?”

I bit my bottom lip and shook my head… “No. Fuck, you are so perfect…”

A look of pure joy smashed onto her face as she burst out laughing and threw herself down, kissing me savagely.

My traitorous arms encircled her and pulled her perfect body down onto mine. I was tempted to reach up and unsnap her bra, but I forced myself not to…

Her hips continued to gyrate against mine…

God, I wanted her so much!

I let my hands explore her firm back, rubbing the muscles there and relishing the feeling of her.

Her lips broke from mine and she pushed her body back away from mine. Her hands found mine… “Silly boy… by tits are on this side…”

True to her word… she showed me where they were.

Her mouth found mine again as I rubbed her breasts. I was a little too enthusiastic and she hissed at me. “Careful now… sensitive right now.”

I tucked that little nugget of information away from future reference.

Before I could finish the thought her mouth was on mine hot and aggressively, her tongue exploring the inside of my mouth with gusto. Her face moved across mine and I was lost in a sea of desire for her. My hips rose to meet hers, my cunning hands refused to stop massaging her breasts…

My breath came in ragged gasps as her mouth worked its way down the side of my neck. I wanted her so badly…

She took her mouth off of me and I felt her reach around behind her back…

Uh-oh.

“Let’s just get this out of the way…” She unhooked her bra and I felt the fabric suddenly go limp in my hands and like that the flesh of her was beneath my fingers.

Her mouth found every single sensitive spot on my neck…

I felt her fingers working the button of my jeans and I suddenly couldn’t remember why I was fighting her…

I remembered then, I was waiting for her.

Grabbing her fingers, I stopped her. “No, no. I’m cut off.”

She growled at me and pulled my hands back up to her breasts. “Nobody said you could move your hands mister.”

I threw my head back and hissed in frustration. This was so hard…

She giggled as her kisses worked their way across my chest and up the other side of my neck. “The teasing can stop any time you want it to… all you have to do is tell me to suck your dick.”

I really wanted her to. Fuck, I really needed her to.

I shook my head weakly, “I’m good, thanks for the offer though…”

Her lips found mine, crushing my soul with a kiss only she could give me. “Please?” She whispered.

I shook my head… it couldn’t hurt, right? I mean, it would be so good, and she didn’t seem to mind.

“Nope.” I managed to sputter.

Her hand cradled itself around my head and she kissed me harder. “Please let me suck your dick?”

There was no way I was this lucky.

I shook my head weaker. No.

Her kisses grew gentler and she whispered between kisses, “Why not?”

That was enough to snap me back to my senses. I knew why not. She wasn’t my puppet. She didn’t exist for my sexual gratification. She existed for me to love her.

My hands came away from her breasts and I caught her face between my hands. Smiling at her with all the joy in my heart I told her, “Because I love you, and I want you to know I’ll always wait for you, and I’ll always love you.”

Her eyes started to water.

I smiled at her, “Plus, this is so much better.”

And then I kissed her.