‘Aliens must exist, due to the enormity of the universe.’
Dick Pound was always sure that one was a phallusy. Until one strange night, when he gladly awoke to discover a green glowing alien phallus inside his ass.
It was safe to say he found himself on the receiving end of a dick pound that night. The next morning he arrived at work. He was a manager, and therefore expected to be the one giving out the dick poundings. Greeeeaaaatt…he mused, while marching round the office like an erect cock. In fact, one day some of the boys had seen fit to wrap him up in a human sized condom – that way, he knew he was a cock. That day, due to the dick pounding he’d received the night before, he walked as if he had a carrot up his ass – but no one noticed, given this was how he always walked. That night, he received yet another green glowing cock pounding. Mmmmmm…terrific. But what on EARTH was going on?
At the end of each day, Dick knew he’d be getting a pound. That was one thing he could count on. And the glowing phallus always vanished as quickly as it came.
On the stroke of midnight, Dick woke to the now familiar green glow which filled his room. POUND. POUND. POUND. It had began again. Dick grinned. Things were going well, so well that he showed his O-face. Then filled with orgasmic sudden excitement, he whirled around confrontationally! He found himself face to face with a sexy looking alien man. The alien, surprised at Dick’s sudden movement, winked. The first thing he noticed was the green man’s pecs. The alien was ripped, like a living sculpture. Compared to the alien, Arnold Schwarzenegger had toothpick arms, like a weak little girl. Dick smiled. This was perfect.
“You can just go ahead and move a little bit to the left. Yeah, that’s it. Great. “
The alien man adjusted his position. POUND. POUND. POUND. The pounding was certainly otherworldly. Dick frowned and began to grow curious. As the glowing phallus pounded away, Dick’s mind began to fill with questions, much like his anus was slowly filling with (alien) semen.
After a short while, Dick Pound’s thoughts drifted. He thought he’d seen the alien somewhere before. But where? He racked his brains, trying to recall where he could’ve seen an alien. Ah! He clicked – he’d seen him at one of the many rap concerts he’d attended. The alien looked like notoriously awful rapper Too $hort.
“Mmmm…yeah…,” Dick Pound mused, “If you could go ahead and tell me who you are, that would be great…”
“YEAH YEAH,” the alien responded in caps, “REAL PLAYAS UP IN HERE NOW. REPRASENT.”
The alien’s response of some Too $hort lyrics confirmed Dick Pound’s suspicions – the alien was Too $hort, and spoke only in caps, much like the lyrics to the song “Yo Neck, Yo Back” must have been written. The beat stuck in his head – de do de do do de do de do de do de do do de do de. It was a shit beat.
“YOU TALKIN SLL THAT SHIT ABOUT SUCKAZ LICKIN ON YA. ALL DOWN YO BACK UP YO CRACK. YOU TALKIN TO A REAL PLAYA NOW GURL. REAL. I DON’T GO FIRST.”
Dick soon realised the alien spoke not only completely in caps, but largely only in Too $hort lyrics. Suddenly it all made sense – Too $hort had to be an alien. Only someone who had observed earth culture from the outside, but never lived it, could have composed songs and rhymes so terrible and yet still thought they had any merit whatsoever. The alien was Too $hort.
He might’ve been called Too $hort, but his dick was jolly long. “Long as a log,” thought Dick, as logs of shit were removed from his anus during the continued pounding. POUND. POUND… And then it was over, seemingly, before it even began. Dick was astonished! By golly, he was up early the next morning fresh as the first steaming turd on a cold day. He bounded around the office, spilling coffee from his mug, but not giving one fuck who he spilled it on. One particularly heated moment he managed to drench an Irishman with the contents of his mug, and was yelled at to “FUCK OFF.” Fists were raised, but at this exact moment, who would arrive in a giant penis shaped UFO but the Too $hort himself! “YEAH YEAH. SHORT DAWG HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING.” The outside glass shattered, giving way to the giant glowing craft, and Too $hort entered the office, pulled down his pants, and sprayed everyone inside instantly with a hot load of semen! This was turning into a fine day indeed, thought Dick!
Too $hort bundled Dick up in his strong arms and took him aboard his cock shaped space ship. Too $hort prepared the ship for orbital (and anal) insertion. Dick furrowed his brow, jacking off all the while. Suddenly they were in space, in earth orbit. Too $hort penetrated Dick’s ass again, and again and again and again. POUND. Went Too $hort’s cock. POUNDPOUND. 2 pounds in quick succession. POUNDPOUNDPOUNDPOUND. A volley – things were getting under way. POUNDPOUNDPOUNDPOUNDPOUNDPOUND. Was that it? POUND. Came the answer. No. POUND. And silence. Nought but a single, solitary pound to finish the job. Shortly thereafter, Dick Pound defenestrated himself and started falling back to Earth. You might think Dick would die in the vaccuum of space, but he didn’t. Dick Pound didn’t take any shit. Dick Pound was badass. Dick Pound’s dick was all-american. Too $hort’s cock shaped space ship came zooming after him, ready to penetrate Dick’s ass. But Dick’s semen blasted like a jet, allowing him to maneuver away from the deadly space cock.
Dick began to fly into deep space on the jet of his semen. Space is infinite, he mused, yet his semen was beginning to fill almost every crack. On the way past Alpha Centauri he happened upon a black hole, which sucked his big dick for him. “Best blowjob ever,” Dick thought. He would recommend it to anyone. As Dick passed the Hubble deep field, he wondered how big Hubble’s cock was when he was alive. Dick passed the voyager and knew was out far into space now. As Dick grew hungrier and hungrier, he was forced to consume his own semen. He ended up shitting and vomiting his own semen and eating afterwards, an endless sexy cycle. He soon found this disgusting and died.