The Year Seven
Helen’s Story
At the Tennis Court
I sat with Donna and Deirdre Adkins, watching as the Progenitor played tennis with the prosecutor. I’m from New York, so I expected that these people would be less than cultured, living as they do in rural Georgia of all places. I guess I was expecting a hick town and a hick family. I was mistaken.
The environment here is lovely. The house is a stately old mansion. The grounds are well-kept and open. The family is calm and intelligent. The Progenitor is playful and gorgeous. I suppose I expected none of this.
I had planned a bitchy little story designed to poke holes in this person, ridicule his pomposity. But he has no pomposity. I expected shy, foolish women. Instead I found confident scholars. And they are as sexy as he is. Even the friend, this Jake guy, has caught my eye. These people live a good life.
Just being around these beautiful people had gotten my juices flowing. Then one of the wives had given me the Playboy article to read. It was an explicit description of how Andrew Adkins had serviced two Playmates of the month during one session in this very house!
Reading this story while stealing glances at the Progenitor as he gracefully played tennis was one of my more surreal experiences. Nothing seems to bother these people.
After I had returned the magazine to one of the wives, she asked, “What are your plans for this evening? Are you flying back to New York?”
I said, “No, if you are agreeable, I’d like to return tomorrow and continue our interview. I’ve got so many questions I haven’t even begun to ask. I’m embarrassed to admit that you two ladies didn’t meet my preconceptions. The tone and tenor of my story has to change.”
She smiled her understanding. “Why don’t you stay with us tonight? Jake usually stays for dinner when the boys play tennis. You would be more than welcome to join in. And you could stay in our downstairs guest room. We call it the “Get Andrew Laid” room. It’s the room described in that Playboy story. It’s not exactly like staying in the Lincoln Room at the White House, but at least it has been, uh, immortalized in print, if you know what I mean.”
I could tell that this woman found the whole Playboy phenomenon highly amusing. She drops thinly veiled hints about her husband’s sexual prowess then laughs at how a boring family man such as Andrew Adkins could achieve the lofty status of international sex god.
I thought about the vanilla motel room I had planned to stay in; the standard fare meal from the yuppie food chain I had noticed on the way out. Instead I was being offered an opportunity to have a meal with the most extraordinary family in America (maybe), and to stay in a room guaranteed to make me want to play with myself (or anyone else that might offer). This was a no-brainer.
I happily accepted the gracious offer. “Are you sure?” I don’t want to impose.”
She laughed her melodious laugh, a small hand coming up to cover her mouth. “Sweetie, we have three adults and six children, plus Jake, already. One more will hardly be noticed. I must warn you however, dinner at our house can be a trying experience to the uninitiated. Suffice it say that Emma will be there. Oh, and it’s movie night. The whole crew will be in the den watching. I was told that Eddie and Edie have prepared something special, but I don’t know what it is.”
I asked, “Emma? Emma is one of your daughters, isn’t she? Is she a problem?”
The woman’s laughter had stopped but the twinkle remained in her beautiful eyes. “Emma is our own little train wreck. She was the daughter that appeared on Larry King last year.”
I smiled. “Oh yes, the one who told that Pastor in Swahili that he has a fat ass!”
Donnie or Deirdre, whoever, said, “That’s one of her milder pranks. It took the news media a week to pick up on it. No one of importance in this country speaks Swahili it appears. But apparently a number of news outlets received anonymous e-mails explaining the joke. That’s how it got out.”
I was confused. “They received anonymous e-mails? Do you have any idea who might have sent them?”
She replied, “I never asked, but I do know that Emma doesn’t like it if her little tricks go unappreciated.”
I laughed. “Why the little devil. I can hardly wait to meet her.”
The wife nodded. “I thought you might find her interesting. If you don’t mind I’ll seat you next to her tonight. She will be playing to you anyway, so we might as well make it easy on her. By the way, are you a meat eater or a vegetarian?”
I said “Why, it doesn’t matter. Whatever the family eats will be fine.”
“Our family has a divide. Andrew eats meat when he can. And if Jake is here he has an excuse. So when he makes dinner on tennis night, those two always have meat.”
I was surprised. “Andrew makes dinner on tennis night?”
She nodded. “Andrew makes dinner every night. He does most of the cooking around here. He’s a better cook than Donnie or me.”
Wow. I was going to have a dinner prepared by the Progenitor. I said, “If it’s okay, I’ll join the men and have meat.”
She said, “I’m sure that will be fine. Andrew is making rack of lamb tonight.”
I tried to back out. “Oh, don’t let him to go to all that trouble on my account. I’m sure that whatever the rest of the family is having will be fine.”
She wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. “Don’t worry yourself about it. Andrew loves rack of lamb. He’s always looking for an excuse to have it. And he claims that it is really quite easy to make. So rack of lamb it is. Why don’t you get your things and I’ll get you settled in the ‘Get Andrew Laid’ room? You can freshen up a bit. Dinner is at six-thirty. Because it’s movie night, the eKids can stay up a little later than usual.”
The men had finished their tennis match and were walking over to the wives and me. I could tell by the look on Andrew’s face that he had lost. Jake looked smug and was offering Andrew advice on tennis.
“Drew, I recommend that when a ball comes in your general direction you lift your racket and attempt to hit it. Who knows, you might get lucky and connect with something.”
Andrew looked at Jake with weary resignation. I somehow felt that when the shoe is on the other foot, Andrew has no compunctions about offering Jake advice of his own.
“Lay off, Jake. I’m having a very bad day.”
Jake said, “You used to claim that you are a tennis stud, but now we learn that you’re just a stud. I’m so proud to know you, Mr. Progenitor.”
Andrew shot what appeared to be a guilty look towards his wives. He saw that Donnie was perusing the magazine. I knew it was Donnie because Deirdre was the one I was speaking to.
“Uh, Donnie are you going to monopolize that thing all day?”
Donnie looked up from the picture spread as if noticing Andrew for the first time. “Andrew! There you are. You know we are all so pleased. Our husband does two Playmates at once! I think we should send a copy of this to your mother. I’m sure she will be very proud.”
“Mom always said I had talent. I just had to discover what it is. Now let me see what it is I did, will ya?”
Donnie looked smug. She said to me, “I’ll bet he doesn’t even remember who they are.”
Jake nodded his head. “Yeah, he asked me what they looked like. I told him if I ever went to bed with two Playmates, I sure as hell would have remembered their faces. The man’s sick.”
Andrew said, “The man has two wives that will make you forget every other face you ever saw.”
Donnie hardly even smiled at that. She knew it already. She handed the magazine over and Andrew looked at the centerfold with two pulchritudinous babes displaying their charms.
He nodded. “Oh, yeah; those two. I kind of remember them. Their names begin with “D”, right?”
Deirdre smiled indulgently at her husband. She said to me, “Every woman he’s been with has a name starting with the letter “D”, so he made a safe guess. He’s been impregnating women from the IAM “D” generation.”
Andrew said, ‘Yes, how bad is that! Worse, I’ve had over a thousand children, and every one of them has a name starting with the letter “E”. Now that should warrant consideration in the Book of World Records, shouldn’t it?
Donnie said, “The real record is that with a thousand children, over eight hundred girls, and not one Edith or Ethel or Edna. That was the major condition that Andrew made the women agree to before impregnation.”
Andrew tried to defend himself. “I hate those names. Who wants a kid named Ethel?”
I could see that the Progenitor had a child-like view of life. No wonder these marvelous women were with him. He’s gorgeous, amazing in bed, and intelligent; yet he’s innocent and playful.
Jake looked at the wives. He said, “Andrew tells me that you don’t allow Playboy in the house. What do you plan to do with this one?”
Donnie chuckled. “It’s going on our coffee table. Our husband is a celebrity! Is America a great country or what?”
Andrew said, “I haven’t owned a copy of Playboy since college. Some guy I knew had a vintage collection of Playboys that must have covered ten years of issues. For some reason he didn’t want to take them with him when he graduated, so he sold me the whole batch.”
“I knew exactly what I wanted to do with them. Did you ever see that painting “American Gothic” by Grant Wood – a dour old farm couple standing in front of their house, the man with a pitch fork, the woman looking like Granny on the Beverly Hillbillies? I bought a print of that painting and hung it on my wall in the dorm. I scoured through ten years of Playboy centerfolds till I found one that was just the right size and just the right pose. Then I cut out the girl’s body, cut off her head, and pasted it under the head of the old lady in the painting. I don’t know, I just thought the farmer looked happier after that.”
Everyone looked at him with a mixture of amazement and pity as he went through this dissertation.
Jake said, “Drew the thing that worries me is that you would probably do the same damn thing today if you had the chance.”
Andrew replied, “Sure. Who wouldn’t?”
The wives stood up. One said to her husband, “Come on sweetheart, let’s get you out of the sun. I think it’s affecting your brain.”
The other wife said, “As long as it doesn’t affect anything else, who cares?”
Andrew took his wives by the arm and the five us returned to the house.
Donnie showed me into the “Get Andrew Laid” room. It was pretty much as described in Playboy. I spent some time freshening up before dinner then went out to face the Adkins clan.
Dinner
I don’t suppose I ever wondered what Joanne Woodward looked like as a child, but I found out when I was suddenly confronted by these four identical little girls; beautiful, curly, shoulder-length blonde hair; each missing several teeth. They were little versions of their mothers: small, slender and beautiful.
Then two little dark-haired boys came scampering by. One could see their father in them. They were already as tall as their older sisters.
With six children, one would expect chaos and confusion, noise and jangled nerves. But these children barely made a sound. Two of the girls never said a word. A third girl made a comment or two but was rather quiet.
The fourth girl maintained a steady commentary from the time she walked in to the dining room until everyone had found their places. She didn’t shut up until her father fixed her with a look. He said nothing, and I didn’t even notice her looking at him. But she suddenly quieted down then turned and winked at her father. He tried to look grumpy, but it was obviously an effort: Emma.
One of the wives attempted to introduce me to the children. She said, ‘Kids, this is Ms. Helen Gammon. Helen, these are the eGirls and eBoys. Our boys are Ethan and Eric. Those two across the table from you are Eddie and Edie. Eddie is the one on the left.”
Andrew butted in. “Uh, Dee Dee, Eddie is the one on the right.”
Deirdre responded, “Well it doesn’t really matter anyway, does it? Speak to one and you are speaking to both of them. Am I right girls?”
Both of the little girls across the table from me smiled at their mother and nodded their heads in unison. They looked in each other’s eyes and started giggling.
Andrew said to the girls, “Kids if you have something to say, you can say it to the whole group. What do you want to say?”
The one on the right, Edie I guess, said “No”
The one on the left, Eddie I guess, said “Daddy”
Right said “We”
Left said “don’t”
Right said “have”
Left said “anything”
Right said “to”
Left said “say.”
Right said “Do
Left said “you?”
Andrew reprimanded them. “You know we have a rule. You can’t speak single words when you two are talking. It’s annoying.”
Right said, “Okay Daddy”
Left said “We won’t”
Right said “Do it”
Left said “Ever again
Right said “Is that”
Left said “what you”
Right said “want us”
Left said “to do?”
Andrew looked pained. “Very funny. Complete sentences for the remainder of the evening, if you please.”
I was amazed. I asked him, “How do they do that?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. You know how identical twins are. I sometimes think those two are telepathic.”
Emma jumped in. “What do you think they are the rest of the time, Daddy?”
Andrew gave her what looked to be a warning glare. “Don’t start with me, Emmy. At least you and Elle don’t speak like circus freaks.”
Elle said “We”
Emma said “don’t”
Elle said “because”
Emma said “my”
Elle said “sister”
Emma said “is”
Elle said “a”
Emma said “pain”
Elle said “in”
Emma said “my”
Elle said “butt.”
Andrew looked resigned. “Just lay off, will ya?”
The wives were serving the food by this time. I was surprised to be served beautifully prepared lamb, medium rare with some sort of glaze. Beside the meat were some vegetable I didn’t recognize and some little muffin-like things. I didn’t know what they were either.
Andrew saw my confusion. He said, “Those are field peas along with some hush puppies. This is kind of like Southern Fried rack of lamb, as it were. When in Rome…”
I smiled rather guiltily and said, “I’m sure it will be wonderful.” My actual opinion might have been slightly different. Actually it was wonderful. It was all wonderful.
As I was eating, Emma leaned in my direction and asked “Do you have a boyfriend, Miss Gammon?”
I thought that was rather presumptuous of the little thing, but I answered honestly. “No, I’m between boyfriends right now.”
She leaned closer and whispered in my ear “Between girlfriends, too, I’ll bet.”
I dropped my fork I was so shocked.
Andrew caught my discomfort, if not the exchange. “Emmy, do what you like but don’t do it here.”
She was the picture of innocence when she said, “Okay, Boss.”
Things seemed to calm down around the dinner table as the girls concentrated on eating. Andrew had something to say, so he unceremoniously launched into a lecture. The man is distinctly odd. I can see where the girls get it from.
“I’ve been thinking about the solitaire game on my computer. I’m convinced that it is forcing me to lose far more often than it used to. I did a statistical analysis of a thousand games. I discovered that if I uncover 2 aces, the likelihood that the next two deuces I uncover will be the other two covered suits is about 73.5%. If I uncover 3 aces, the likelihood that the next deuce I turn up will be the remaining covered suit is 47.3%. Now that just isn’t mathematically feasible, given a statistically large enough dataset.”
One of the wives said, “Andrew, do you remember when we first met that you mentioned to us that sometimes you are interested in things that other people find deadly dull? Believe me, sweetie, this is one of those times.”
Jake said, “You play solitaire on the computer? You sit around and play a thousand games at a time just to analyze the suit distribution? What in the world for?”
Andrew looked defensive. “It relaxes me!”
Jake shook his head. “Buddy, I thought you had to be the most relaxed man in the world!”
Emma turned to one of her brothers. She said, “That’s because he gets laid all the time.”
The brother grimaced. He replied, ‘I know he gets laid all the time.”
Andrew said, ‘If you went into the Kalahari and asked a bushman who Andrew Adkins was, the bushman would say ‘that’s the guy that gets laid all the time’. Everyone in the world seems to know about my sex life.”
A wife said, “Yes dear, and we are all very proud.”
Andrew didn’t want to leave the solitaire story alone. He said, “But look, I’ve uncovered an anomaly here in my card game. It shouldn’t be working this way. I’m winning significantly fewer times than I used to. I’ve been trying to develop a theory about why.”
A wife said to me, “Andrew is very good at developing theories. Some of them are actually interesting.”
He gave her a look then continued. “What could be causing this phenomenon? Let’s consider. A) It could be Microsoft’s way of telling someone he plays solitaire too much. Once you reach a certain number of games it might be pre-programmed to lower the percentage of wins. B) It could… I just haven’t been able to come up with a ‘B)’ yet.”
I noticed that Emma next to me was studiously looking at her plate. She seemed to be trying to arrange things so that her remaining field peas were underneath the knife situated along the side of her plate.
Andrew said, “Okay then B) …” His eyes seemed to have a flash of recognition. “B) Emmy! Emmy, first of all, don’t think you can hide those peas under your knife. Just eat them and get it over with. Secondly, you little stinker, you’ve been screwing around with my solitaire game!”
Emma looked at him with a very innocent expression that I was beginning to realize was an admission of guilt. “I wouldn’t do that, Daddy. Would I?”
He said, “You just love to torture me, don’t you?”
She gave him a little wink and said, “But didn’t you have fun doing your analysis? I try to give your life a little focus.”
I heard Andrew mumble under his breath, “Focus you.”
I was still trying to get my mind around the fact that a seven year old could rig a computer game when the subject matter at the table changed.
One of the wives said, “Jake, have you given any more thought to our proposal?”
Jake replied, ‘I don’t know, Deirdre. I’m pretty happy as County Prosecutor.”
I jumped in. This Jake was pretty hunky and obviously smart as well. “What’s this about?”
The Deirdre wife said, “We’ve asked Jake to consider handling the legal side of our business affairs. We have some pretty large things coming down the pike and we need to cover our bases, legally.”
I was surprised. I asked, “What could you be doing that requires a full time lawyer to handle?”
Andrew said, “Eddie and Edie have a couple of developments that we’ve decided to market. If they are as big as I think they can be, Jake would be managing the legal team. We need someone we can really trust to be in charge. We’ll hire other lawyers for specific functions. Our legal needs look to be pretty large.”
“Come on Jake. It’ll be fun. Aren’t you tired of drug dealers and jaywalkers? Wouldn’t you like to take on Microsoft and Sony?”
I know I’m just a feature writer, but there was obviously a story here. “What have you developed that will require you to take on Microsoft and Sony?”
Emma said, “My sisters, the computer geeks, wrote a new operating system when they were five. Windows sucks. Everybody knows that. UNIX isn’t bad, but still has plenty of holes. And Apple isn’t even a player. We needed a secure operating system so Eddie and Edie wrote their own. I thought we could maybe sell it, so I told them what to do to make it commercially viable.”
I couldn’t believe I was hearing this stuff from a seven year old. I asked her “How does it work?”
She looked across the table at her sisters, almost as if she were asking for permission to speak for them. I saw an almost imperceptible nod from one of them so Emma continued.
“First, it is totally secure. I attacked the thing for months without being able to break in.”
Andrew felt the need to butt in. “Sorry, Helen, but this part is off the record. Suffice it to say, if Emmy can’t hack it, it can’t be hacked.”
Emma continued. “Anyway, it recognizes hardware automatically. Except for the really weird items, no drivers are required. It will go and find any of the weird drivers and retrieve and install them without operator intervention. We don’t need a browser, since the operating system is a browser.”
Andrew interjected, “There you go, Jake. Microsoft tried to include Internet Explorer in with Windows and was sued. We’ll be sued too for having an internal browser. That’s one of the things we have to be prepared for, though ours is totally integral with the operating system. It’s seamless. You can’t see where the OS ends and the browser begins.”
Emma looked at her father as if to say ‘shut the hell up’ and then went on.
“Our OS requires a special touch-screen that my sisters developed. Most of the control functions can be performed without keystrokes and without a pointing device, since the touch-screen is the pointing device.”
“Since we had a touch-screen already, we put a little scanner into one corner of the screen. So there isn’t any sign-on procedure. Just touch the corner with your finger and the system recognizes you and brings up your desktop automatically. If it doesn’t recognize your fingerprint you can’t get in.”
Jake asked, “But what if the person is handicapped and has no fingers?”
Emma looked at him with a degree of pity. “Please Jake. I think we know what we’re doing here. I’m just giving you general information. We’ve covered the obvious exceptions to the rules already. If I go into all of the ‘what ifs’ I’ll start sounding like Daddy.”
Andrew looked offended. “How come I get insulted around here when I’m not even in the conversation?”
Emma said to her father, “Don’t worry Daddy, you’re our favorite Homo sapien.” That seemed to mollify him.
“Anyway, we built a multi-level degree of difficulty into the user-interface. So the operating system can be set to be used comfortably by kids, teenagers, adults, and computer geeks. All of the options are sensitive to user- competency levels.
Andrew interrupted. “I think we all get the picture. We need to negotiate with a major computer manufacturer that would be interested in making a dent into Microsoft’s monopoly. I was thinking IBM, since they’ve been pushing a UNIX version for a while. Someone like that. Obviously, we need a good legal mind to spearhead this effort.”
“Jake, we’re not talking small potatoes, here. If we can make some headway against Microsoft, the dollars might be significant. We’re talking billions. And I can guarantee you this OS will blow Windows away.”
Jake asked, “Can I get a look at it?”
Finally one of the little computer geeks spoke. “We can give you a computer pre-loaded with a beta-version of the operating system.”
The other said, “You can take it to work.”
The first said, “It’ll plug into any network and be recognized.”
The other said, “You can even make it a server if you want.”
The first said, “Without spending a fortune for server software.”
Emma said, “This goes a long way towards making a computer like any other appliance in your home or office. You just plug it in and the computer does the rest. Maybe we’ll piss off a few computer geeks who like to think they know the secrets to the universe, but the average H. sapien should like this a lot.”
Andrew took over. “The remaining step is to convince a manufacturer to build a computer that has only one kind of port. At the same time we need to convince the peripheral manufacturers to make sure their hardware uses the same type of port, a USB port, probably. That way there will be no confusion about what to plug in where. You can plug any device into any port. The hell with backward compatibility.”
I was only partially sure of what was being said, but I knew enough to recognize a big story in the making, assuming any of this were true. I said, “You said there were a couple of things you have to market. What’s the other one?”
Andrew answered, “You’ll see the other later tonight. It’s being demo’ed in our den in about a half an hour.”
Well seeing the second product will give me a clue as to the value of the first product, I suppose.
I turned to Emma and said, ‘I know what Eddie and Edie do. I understand that Elle is a financier. But what do you plan to do with your life?”
She said, “I’m going to be President of the United States.”
I laughed. “Well that’s a pretty big goal for a little girl.”
Andrew kind of snickered. “Not for that little girl”, he said.
Emma smiled at him. “I could be president by the next election if I figure out how to change the age restriction. The Republicans think that they are the only ones who can rig those touch-screen voting machines. They’re in for a surprise.”
I was shocked. What was this about rigging voting machines?
One of the wives put an end to the topic. “Emma, you know we never talk politics at dinner.”
Emma said, “Or in bed. Did you forget that one?”
Andrew had had enough of Emma for a while. “Well, that about wraps up dinner. What say we have popcorn and juice along with the movie, instead of dessert?”
A Movie
Jake and I moved to the den while Andrew and his wives cleared off the table. The eKids were obviously required to do their part in the cleanup as well.
Jake and I sat on one of the couches in the den. The den was obviously set up to handle lots of people. This is a big family. Jake and I hadn’t exchanged two words since we met. But I was certainly interested in talking to him.
“Are you considering the Adkins’ offer to be their legal director?”
He replied, “I don’t know. They are offering about four times what I currently make. But I’ve always wanted to be the ‘crusading prosecutor’. I’ll admit the reality of it doesn’t quite live up to the image I had in my mind. But I like it. I’m doing something important.”
I said, “On the other hand, this sounds pretty important too. It will be a big challenge, and the potential seems incredible.”
He agreed. ‘Yeah, it is a pretty exciting opportunity. Besides which, the next lie that Drew tells will be his first. I’d trust these people with my life.”
The man’s Southern accent was most attractive. He seems sincere and talented. I suspect that honesty goes both ways. The Adkins’ wouldn’t be making the offer if they didn’t feel the same way about him. I felt I had to know something important about him.
“How does your wife feel about all this?” I hoped I wasn’t being obvious.
He smiled. “I have no wife, I’m afraid. Right now the only person I have to worry about is me.”
That was nice. I asked him, “Is there going to be a lot of travel involved? It sounds like there will be some negotiating going on.”
He said, “Drew tells me we can do most of the negotiating through teleconferencing. Obviously I would have to make some trips to New York and to the Silicon Valley, among other places. Maybe even to Washington State. But no, there isn’t that much travel involved; just enough to make it interesting.”
I said, “You sound like you might be leaning towards accepting their offer.”
He wasn’t ready to go that far. ‘Well, let’s see what it is they have. That will help me decide.”
The Adkins family began to drift into the room by then. Andrew came in and opened a door in one wall. I realized I was looking at the largest flat screen TV I had ever seen. It must have cost a fortune. I guess these people have money.
Eventually everyone got settled. Donnie and Deirdre were on one couch, each with a little boy on her lap, each child sucking his thumb. Andrew was in a recliner with a little girl riding each knee. Another little girl climbed up on Jake’s lap. It was obvious he had been here before.
I looked around for the remaining little girl, thinking she might want to sit on my lap, but she was nowhere to be found.
The TV came on and a movie started. I expected, perhaps a Walt Disney children’s movie. Instead an old movie from the ’60s was playing. It starred Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. It was called “A New Kind of Love”. I don’t remember having seen it before, and I must admit that it was pretty good. It was a light comedy.
Joanne Woodward played a dowdy fashion designer sent to Paris to steal the designs of the important designers. Paul Newman was a reporter sent to Paris because he cuckolded his boss.
One by one the children had climbed down and now were all lying on the floor watching the movie. I still wondered where the last little girl was.
Midway through the film, Joanne Woodward was transformed into this lovely thing through makeup, clothes, and a new wig. It was then that I saw how much Deirdre and Donnie looked like her. I was watching the scene unfold in front of me in the den, as Andrew seemed to have a difficult time concentrating on the movie. His eyes kept drifting toward his wives.
They pretended to be oblivious, but I could tell they were both acutely aware of his attention. Both women changed position on the couch, and as they did, their skirts seemed to slide up a little. Andrew seemed mesmerized by the amount of leg being shown by each. This man is in serious lust. He might be as sexy as everyone thinks.
Andrew took a quick trip to the kitchen, and suddenly there was popcorn and fruit juice for everyone. The man is very domestic. I’m impressed.
The movie was winding towards its conclusion. There was a bedroom scene in which Joanne Woodward was dressed in a sexy negligee, with the intent of seducing Paul Newman.
Just as it was getting to the good part, Joanne turned toward the camera. She seemed to be looking directly at Andrew.
Then she said, “What do you think, Daddy? Am I doing okay?”
Jake dropped his glass of juice on the floor. I felt like we were in the twilight zone.
Andrew smiled and said, “Not bad, honey. I certainly prefer this movie to the last one you did.” He looked at Jake and me. “Last week she starred in ‘Emmy Does Dallas’. It was embarrassing. But I’ll admit that Emmy is a better actress than Debbie.”
The Joanne Woodward figure turned to Jake and me. It said, “This is what we call VV – Virtual Video. All of the main characters have been digitized. We have virtual helmets that you can wear that allow you to become one of the characters. I wanted to be Joanne Woodward, because Daddy has the hots for Joanne Woodward.”
Andrew looked cross. “Don’t start with me, Emmy.”
Joanne Woodward just smiled and blew him a kiss. To add to the surreally of it all, Paul Newman looked at Joanne and said, “What’s the matter, did you forget your lines?”
Joanne turned to Paul and said, “Shut Up!” He sat on the bed and gave his trademark insouciant smile.
Joanne (Emma) turned back to Jake and me. “The script is displayed right in front of your eyes. We can do it in seven languages right now (because that’s all we know), but when we are ready to market it, we’ll have every major language available.”
“We can deviate from the script a little bit, but right now the other actors can’t follow a major change unless they are virtual actors too. And we can use the actor’s voice, or we can use our own voice.” All of a sudden, Emma’s tiny voice was coming out of Joanne’s mouth and then the figure morphed into the image of Emma. This was truly weird.
“We even have ‘help’ available. It can be acting help or criticism. Would you like to see it?”
Both Jake and I nodded our heads. I have no idea where Emma was located, but she must have seen us.
Emma said, “We’ve programmed several levels of possible help. This is the ‘Daddy Lecture’ help mode.”
Paul Newman slowly morphed into the figure of Andrew Adkins and back into Paul Newman. He began talking. “Emmy, that was very good. But you should learn to put more feeling into the scene. Picture what you want to do before you do it. And open up with your feelings. A) Look into yourself to find the meaning of the words. B)…” the voice droned on and on. Emma’s figure morphed back into Joanne Woodward. Joanne put her finger down her throat and made gagging noises.
Andrew said, ‘Enough already! We get the joke.”
Joanne had a slight smile on her face and said, “We also have a ‘Daddy Driver’ help mode.”
Suddenly Paul Newman stood and began yelling. “What the hell is the matter with you? You fucking idiot!”
All of the children were giggling and even the wives were laughing.
Andrew said, “I think everyone gets the point. Let’s just end this before I become violent and start eliminating actors the hard way.”
One of the wives looked at us. “Donnie and I have been very concerned about the direction taken by entertainment in the last couple of decades. It seems to us that children spend most of their time looking at some kind of screen: a computer monitor, a television, a video game. This generation has become watchers instead of doers. I asked Emmy to come up with a way that they could become a part of the action. And this is it.”
Both Jake and I were stunned. This was the most amazing technology I had ever seen, and it was developed by seven year olds. I heard Jake mutter, “Maybe I should be considering this offer more seriously.”
Emma came skipping into the room, reminding me of how very young she is. She jumped into Andrew’s lap and gave him a big hug. He was tickling her and she was laughing. It was all so very domestic for an exchange between a genius and a super-genius.
Emma said, “Jake, when we go public with the new operating system, I want to have a contest to prove how good it is. We’ll set up a system with a known IP address then offer a million dollars to anyone who can hack into it. We’ll have every geek on the planet fighting for the chance.”
“My geeky sisters set up fire walls a couple of years ago to keep the government out of our database. They left a little something behind the last firewall to reward anyone who was able to break through, though no one did. You see, our database wasn’t even on that computer.”
“So I did the same thing with this one. In addition to a million dollars, anyone who breaks into our operating system will get this.”
Emma clicked on the remote control and suddenly there was displayed a virtually life-sized picture of Donnie and Deirdre, asleep and naked in each other’s arms. I gasped. Jake gasped. It was the sexiest picture I’ve ever seen.
One of the wives let out a little scream. “Andrew! You promised that picture would be hidden.”
Andrew tried to sound sorry, but he was looking at the picture at least as diligently as Jake and me. “Dee Dee, you know if Emma wants to get into something, nothing I can do will stop her. Besides, this is high art. It’s the best picture I’ve ever taken.”
Deirdre’s and Donnie’s faces were crimson. But I had to put in my two cents.
“Really, Andrew is right. This is a beautiful picture. Please consider letting me show it to the editors at Cosmo. I feel sure they would want to use it for the cover. At the very least it would be put at the top of my story. It’s an amazing picture.”
The girls were looking daggers at Andrew. He looked innocent. Having met Emma, Andrew may well have been innocent. I was wondering if tonight might be one of Andrew’s rare off nights.
Finally one of the wives said, ‘Time for bed, children.” There were a few grumbles, but I saw that most of them had been rubbing their eyes. The girls and boys took off up the stairs, all except for Emma.
She looked at Jake and then she looked at me. I felt Jake’s eyes on me. I looked into his eyes, and I suddenly wanted him. He is very sexy. I don’t know what got into me, but I was hot! I heard Emma giggle, and saw her run for the stairs. She turned and looked at us one more time, and then went up to bed.
I expected there to be recriminations between Andrew and his wives, but when I looked up Andrew had an arm around each one, and they were both snuggled into his neck, hugging him. I guess anger doesn’t stand much of a chance around here.
Andrew turned to us, both wives in his arms. He said, “Good night kids. It’s definitely past our bedtime. Feel free to stay up as long as you like. The TV has cable if you want to watch. We usually eat breakfast about 7:30 in the morning. You’re both welcome to join us.”
And then the three of them went up the stairs, still holding each other. My God, I just realized that Andrew just assumed that Jake was going to spend the night. With Me!
I looked at Jake. He appeared to be uncomfortable with the situation. He said, “Uh, Helen, I sure didn’t put Andrew up to anything, and I don’t expect anything to develop tonight, so to speak.”
I just walked over to him and took his hand. I said, “Oh, the hell with it”, and pulled him into the bedroom.
Jake’s Story
I must be the luckiest guy on earth; well, maybe the second luckiest. I’m being taken to bed by the third most beautiful woman in Georgia. I’ve got to give Donnie and Deirdre their credit. They are seriously hot and deserve to share the #1 and #2 ranking.
But Helen is a definite lottery pick. And tonight she’s mine. I’ve just got to keep hanging around Drew.
We were in the ‘Get Andrew Laid’ room. Well I guess tonight it’s the “Get Jake Laid” room.
Helen pulled me into the room and closed the door behind us. She turned to me and we instantly embraced.
I don’t know how it happened. I had been sitting there after the movie just looking at her when I was overcome with lust for her. I guess the same thing happened to her.
We were in major lust. My lips devoured hers as her slender body crushed itself against mine. Our tongues were dueling, barely touching; teasing each other. I was hard as a rock. Damn was I turned on!
She was wearing a dress that buttoned down the front. I like that kind. As I slowly unbuttoned her, the dress fell away from those gorgeous shoulders.
I love soft round shoulders on a woman. Drew tells me it is because it makes them look like an ass. Well maybe, but he’s got other crazy ideas too, so I don’t put much stock in this particular notion.
Helen has ‘grade A’ shoulders, is all I can say. I kissed down her long lovely neck and then started attacking her shoulders. I’m a shoulder man, I guess.
I kept unbuttoning that dress and finally it fell to the floor. She stood before me in her glory, with just a bra, panties, a garter belt and stockings. She sure as hell looks like she came ready to fuck.
Next to come off was her bra. She has small but beautiful breasts. I know guys that need huge breasts to make them happy. I just don’t see it myself. Any breasts will do as far as I’m concerned. Her breasts may be small, but her nipples were ready for the major leagues. They stuck out like erasers, hard and rubbery, just longing for my tongue.
I picked her up and carried her to the huge four-poster that serves as Drew’s private brothel. She’s as light as a feather.
Helen wasn’t content to let me take over. As soon as she reached the bed she also reached for my pants. She was in a hurry to see what was in there, I guess. I’m proud to say, I’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.
I helped her and my pants dropped to the floor along with my boxer shorts. Her eyes widened in appreciation of what I had to give her. Yeah, I’ll give it to her all right.
But not quite yet. Hers is the kind of body that you want to devour. If an old country boy like me gets a shot at a body like that, there is nothing to do but worship it. And worship it I did, let me tell you.
I spent a long time making love to those lovely shoulders, but finally worked my way down to those beautiful tits. I love responsive nipples on a woman. And hers are way up there on my list. I sucked a nipple in to my mouth and I think she almost climaxed right there.
She had started moaning by the time I reached her tits. Her body was pressing up into mine, trying to find contact points. I let my hand wander down to the junction between her legs.
Let me tell you, I’ve never seen a shaved pussy before. When I pulled her panties down, I was confronted by one beautiful hairless cunt.
I read somewhere that women shave their pussies because it feels good when someone goes down on them. Well damn, I can take a hint. I’ve always called it muff-divin’ myself, but there wasn’t no muff to dive into, if you catch my drift. She was bald as a baby’s butt.
I slipped off her stockings then licked her thigh from her knee all the way up. I switched legs and did the same thing. She was watching me, and I could see by the way her ass was moving around the bed that she was hot for me.
I played with her a little bit, you know; just letting her know that I was there without actually licking anything important. But finally I took pity on her. Well actually I really wanted to taste her cunt. So I let my tongue run right up the center of her pussy lips.
She groaned out loud as my tongue massaged her lips. I worked my way up to her clit, which was standing out, just waiting for attention. Yeah, I’ll give that little button all the attention it can handle.
But first my tongue plunged into her pussy. She screamed and her legs tightened around my ears. I realized she had gone over the edge the first time something went into her cunt. That’s the kind of woman I’m talkin’ about.
Well, hell, I was just starting to warm her up some. She was wet as the blazes by the time she started coming down. So I stuck a finger right in there and let her start to take off again.
Sucking her clit between my lips, I started to ride her good with both my finger and my tongue. Damn, the woman’s screams like to raise the dead. She was cumming like a fire engine, panting and swearing. The woman was hot, and I hadn’t even dicked her yet.
It was time to solve that problem. My dick felt like iron, and I wanted to pump a little iron.
I moved up to hold her. We kissed and cuddled a little bit. I wanted to give her some recovery time before I put her over the top again. I’m a gentleman from Georgia.
My plan was to slide it on in there and let her have it. But all of a sudden this New York vixen pushed me onto my back. She sat up and took hold of my dick. Then her mouth slid over the head and I felt just about the best feeling I’ve ever had. Man the woman was a first class cocksucker! I saw her head popping up and down, my dick going deep into her throat.
But that wasn’t what I wanted right now. I wanted to fuck her. Just as I was about to tell her so, she stopped.
She looked me in the eye and said, “Hope you don’t mind, but I’ll finish you off that way later. Right now, I need this beautiful thing inside me.”
Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about. She kept hold of my dick and climbed right on top. She rubbed the head of my dick across her crack, the same damn place my mouth had been ten minutes ago.
She looked me straight in the eye and then plunged down on my dick. Hot damn, that was one tight cunt! She was moaning and humping on my dick like a crazed cowgirl.
Her eyes were closed as she slammed herself on to me. When she reached bottom she ground herself against me. Damn the woman can fuck as well as she can suck!
Then she started getting vocal. “Oh yeah. Oh GOD! Yes. Yesss! Fuck me, big boy. Make me cum. GOD! Fuck me. Fuck ME. FUCK MEEE!!”
She was taking me with her with her dirty talkin’. I could feel myself growing bigger, swelling up right inside that warm soft cunt of hers.
Her eyes were still closed. We were both almost there. And then I went over the top and started pumping cum into that pussy for all I’m worth.
That put her over too. She started to scream her climax. “FUCKKK! FUCK MEEE! YESSS! OH GOD! FUCK ME ANDREW!!”
Andrew?! Well shit!
— to be continued