You know getting stabbed really bites when the pain you feel doesn’t feel even a quarter what that pain should be, but you have to act like your in agony and then “die”. But I guess obviously they didn’t know I was “Cerberus the ancient gate guardian of hell” or “Cerberus the powerful door guard of hell” just a couple long winded, preposterous, stupid sounding, unflattering names gods and mortals give me. Don’t get me wrong there are much worse ones or better ones but noooooo do I ever hear the name I actually go by and use, not a chance. What’s so bad about Wanting to be called Cerb or Cerberus once in awhile!! Oh sorry about that I got a little off track from the whole being stabbed thing and why I was there and all that other stuff that’s probably a lot more interesting than my annoyance at pretty much anyone I meet, not including the ones who scream “monstrous beast.” So why was stabbed? like so many others is the simple yet complicated, insane but rational, dumb but intelligent reason was, a woman.
“Well shit, how long do I have to wait in this damn deep ass hole looking at her cry as those other “respectable” gentleman hold her hostage before they let her go and just piss off.”
Thinking back on it now everything I did was so out of my usual character that it would look like I had a split personality that just got let out and gave my other self a little vacation. *sigh* I know your reading this and wondering how I’m in a hole while simultaneously your reading this. The simple explanation is that’s it’s not worth it to even think about it and just accept that this is probably the most complex thing to explain with the whole time and dimension stuff but certainly won’t be the weirdest thing your going to hear so just let it be it will only give you a major head ache to think about. Well as per the usual way of doing things the beginning is usually the best place to start any tale of how I came upon this annoying situation.
When I was popped into existence at the Big Bang for some reason I can’t explain I was in front of my door with a smaller one behind me, was intelligent enough to know this was really weird and that my “purpose” was to guard this door from letting anything out of it. So at first what I did was stand guard and watch my door like my life depended on it. Than after a few million or billion years, I didn’t really keep count so I’m only guessing here, that’s when my first visitor came. Oh it wasn’t a human that came no it was a Greek, roman, or Egyptian God, I didn’t care enough to remember which God it was and from what area. The only thing I was concerned about is that he walked into my house like he owned the place and I’ll be damned if he stayed long cause with the door behind me I knew it could be opened from either side and I was not letting that happen.
I knew from the start what I looked like (one of those cant explain it so I stopped trying moments) so I knew I was intimidating to say the least. One head instead of three unlike what you’ve read or seen in some book. My fur was black and looked mangy and neglected even though it was perfectly clean but it gave the illusion of “dangerous keep away” feeling. That wasn’t including my blood red eyes, razor sharp teeth and a few nasty looking spikes down my back. And yes like the books I did look like a dog, just one who would eat you for no other reason than you existed. Wasn’t like that even back then though honest.
Even though What I looked like he was still an ass and walked like everyone was beneath him so naturally we didn’t get along very well. Didn’t help that he was emanating power like a show off, where I liked to keep it at a minimum so people underestimated my real power (which was greater than every God on a one to one comparison) and that’s the way I liked it. So the conversation went how you’d expect it to go. He wanted In my door, I said no, he got pissed, I didn’t care, he got violent, and I showed him why you don’t mess with me or my door.
I think word got around than cause for awhile a lot of different gods came down to try to defeat me and get at my door. Thank my lucky stars that after a very short time (for me anyway considering how long I’ve been alive down here) they stopped trying after a lot of attempts and everyone failing. So I returned to my old lifestyle with the exception I kept an eye on both doors this time instead of just one. I found this to be a little more effective knowing that both were accessible and could be opened at anytime. I know I skipped all the fighting, boasting, talking and the like but it wasn’t that important to me like it would be for you so I apologize for that. It did however goes kinda like this. Bam hit magic magic boooom, and more often than not I just stood there looking like they were fucking morons without a brain cell between the lot of them.
So things turned nice and calm, which I was grateful for every single second of silent bliss. Naturally this had to come to a screaming freaking halt ending my quiet time with a loud and annoying battle cry of “feel my blade monster, and be another mark on my sword!!!” You know If I didn’t actually like most of my job (present situation and like it not included) I’d probably have left here a really long time ago from how annoying things got every once in awhile.
To be continued. . .
From writer: I do hope you liked this story and give it some positive criticism instead of the hate some writers get. This was my first story ever even though it doesn’t have an “ending” yet and my grammar and all that other stuff is probably bad I admit but I never took a writing class in my life and this was the first time I put a story that I imagined in my head on paper so if it’s bad I don’t care I’m still proud I put myself out there and wrote it. I may start on a second part depending on my mood and your reaction to it. So if you like it yay! If not I’ll still continue it or not. Whatever the way the wind blows really. Thanks for reading bye bye!!