[b]37
MAN WITH PLAN
After the busy day, Jeff goes to bed early. The erotic moments with Maria play over in his mind, more vividly than on a movie screen. Big Jeff throbs with excitement. As soon as Jeff starts stroking, “Oh! Ohhh!!! Eeh! Ahhhh!!! Ohhhhh!!!! Oooo! Ahhh! Ahhh. Wow. I did…
“Are you alright in there!” Rachel calls.
“I’m definitely alright, Mom!”
“Oh! Sounds like you reached a new stage in your life. I guess you figured it all out.”
“Mom, can you come in here?”
“Are you done?”
“Yes.”
“OK. I’m coming. And you already did.”
Jeff laughs. “Hug me please.” Rachel lays down beside him. They hug tight. Worried, “Mom, nothing came out.”
Calmly, “That means you didn’t ejaculate.”
Still worried, “So I jacked off but I didn’t.”
Laughing, “You could say that. Rarely does a boy ejaculate on his first orgasm. Sometimes this continues for a few years.”
“Why?”
“Who knows. For now you have the fun without the worry.”
“What do you mean. Mom?”
“If your father didn’t ejaculate I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant.”
First silent, “Oh, I get it…. Hey, you mean I was a worry.”
“Well, yes. Your father kept pressuring me to get an abortion…. If my parents didn’t agree to help raise you, I would have had to give you up for adoption…. Boys didn’t want to date me because I had a baby. I made a big mistake, paid dearly, but love you more dearly.” Jeff cries and hugs his mom tightly again, kissing her all over her face. When Jeff slows down, “Then there are STDs.”
“What are they, Mom?”
“Sexually transmitted diseases. Body fluids carry them from one person to another.”
“Like cum.”
“Yes, Jeff, semen. I’m sure you’ve heard of AIDS, which comes from the HIV virus. That’s one STD. There are many more. Have you heard of the kissing disease—mono?”
“No, could I give Maria mono?”
“Well, say you wet kiss someone with mono. You could become a carrier of the disease and not get it, but not even know it. Then everyone you wet kiss has a chance of getting it.”
“Why does life have to be so complicated?”
“I couldn’t tell you. It helps keep you from getting bored though.”
“I hope I never ejaculate.”
“You could have your tube tied.”
“Good, I’m doing that.”
“Most men don’t want a knife anywhere near their private parts.”
“Did you say knife! Forget it! So what do I wear when we go to church tomorrow?”
“Sonya says that boys dress casual and men wear a jacket and tie.”
“So I’ll wear a jacket and tie. No pants, huh.”
Laughing, “Nope.”
“This is my kind of place! Do I even have a jacket that fits?”
“Let’s check in the morning. Good night macho man.”
“Cut the macho. Call me the man with the plan. D-D-D-DuRaN dah man.”
38
HOLY MOLY
As Roberto and Sonya walk into church, Maria waits outside for Jeff.
“Good morning Maria, my love. Am I allowed to kiss you here?”
“Yes, a holy kiss.”
“Show me how.” After a brief kiss Jeff continues, “This church looks like a store.”
“The church is the people. You look distinguished in that jacket and tie.”
Romantically, “But not as special as you.”
Smiling with delight, “Come in.”
Jose walks up to them, giving Jeff a hug and kiss.
“Was that a holy kiss, Jose?”
Chuckling, “All my kisses are.”
“I agree, even though I don’t know what’s happening here.”
“Hey man, you pray, so you’ll figure it out.”
Many friendly people greet Jeff and Maria, as Jose chats with Sean and Rachel. Jeff finds the lively music a wonderful way to worship God. He quickly gets bored with the preaching. The “Jesus this, Jesus that” stuff makes no sense. But being with the love of his life makes it easy to feel the presence of God. He tries raising his hands as others are doing. Seeming super weird at first, soon it feels like heaven flowing into his fingertips. Roberto and Sonya admire his spiritual zeal.
Afterward, Sean takes Rachel and Jeff out for pizza. “Mom, why don’t we go to church?”
“When I got pregnant with you, the church we went to treated us like aliens. This is the first time I’ve been to church since then.”
“I don’t think this church would be like that, Mom. You heard Roberto’s testimony. You’re safe here. What about you, Sean?”
“My father was a preacher.”
“Wow! I hope he wasn’t like this douche-bag.”
“People expected me to be an angel. I knew I wasn’t, so I made it my mission to prove to them I wasn’t. Finally the church told my dad that if he couldn’t run a family right, he certainly couldn’t run a church right. When they gave him the ax, I stopped going to church.”
“I can’t picture you being a bad ass.”
“I took great delight in knocking hypocrites off their high horses. Put Fred and Paul together and that was me. But I didn’t have their muscles.”
“No way! What changed you?
“My father. After getting fired, he apologized to me. I couldn’t understand that—I was the one raising hell. He said he failed me, that he should have loved me no matter what I did. I didn’t buy it. I figured he was just trying to soften me up, so that I would behave. It took me a few years, but finally I realized he really loved me.”